HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron News-Record, 1892-04-20, Page 7Huron News -Record
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040014 4/401411 01411 ROMM, 1892.11
"rile reports of .the recent storm in
American Northwestern and
her States,' dhow it to" have been
o most general as to Ole extent of
rritory. ,for many yearn. Tie
Wes' of Kansas,' Colorado, `Nes
aakei, Iowa, Missouri., Wircoo8in.
Niuoio, `rexa8 end Xndiene were.
est by a furious storm of wind,
and hail, iusorne ,planes rising
tb rce of a tornado, and no•
wiAire 'ling below the danger line
of ve . y, Owing to the geueral
prostration of telegraph linea the
Twill.-er;tent .of the Toes of life and
property will not be known for Hers
itrat,,iieya, but facto at hand show
known fateilitiee to reach thirty one,
While: the fiat of injured numbers
195: Of the latter class a large
proportion will be added to the
death roll, as the injuries in many
eases are, so serious as to render
them probably fatal. The loss in
the way of property, buildings,
stook, fences, oto., cannot as yet
even be surmised, but there can be
two doubt that when all reports are
#it the figures will reach high up
itio the millions,
MIXED FARMING.
•
The question of mixed farming
/and stock raising is one of interest
to intending settlers as well as to
some of the older ones. Aa to
whether it pays .the farmer to raise
stock for' the meat markets is one
rather of detail than of opinion.
The quantity and quality of the
feed necessary to properly fatten a
beast must be considered along with
the best breed of cattle for that pur-
pose, and the experiences of differ-
ent farmers differ very much. Leet
week Mr. Morrison, of . the Ridge,
'brought to market a steer rieiug
two years old. The beast had a
goad cross of Durham blood in it
•and. weighed 1375 lbs. Mr. Morri-
aon received 4c per ib. live weight.
'This certainly wasvery profitable
for Mr. Morrison and be makes
money from his fat cattle, The
secret of Mr. Morrison's success,
mays Mr. W. H. Fares, is the care
,lie takes of his cattle from their
Girth up, they have no stunted
,growth and are always fine, large,
healthy cattle, but perhaps of no
better breed than the ordinary farm
cow.• With the quantity of low
grade grain 411jcb a farmer usually
or feed it i`s estimated that Mr.
ison'a profits on this •beast
could easily be 100 per cent or over,
snd Mr. Fares thinks that with pro-
-per attention to this branch of the
farm the farmer could always be
"sure of a very profitable revenue.—
Emerson, Man., Times.
•
MR$ 4Qt448' il'i.A.MP.
'per ''Ngnrtln HRd ,a Drea{l nI TtW,o
end Recelve4t nozSympntlay.'•
>lCr , Jones .fa�efuently boasted among his
frleede that his wile was a woman without
nek'fea and never bad' hyeteriee like side
people he could name.
And he was right. Mrs. Jones, as every.
body knows, is a seeable, healthy, well,
balanced womau with no nonsense about
her. She isn't, afraid to sit up all night
when Jeptha is at the club, and shn makes
it lively for lii4n when he gets home in the
morning. A Man who wouldn't appreei-
lute it Woman like that isn't a little bit of
good.
But Mrs. Jones began to think that per-
haps she was a little too self-reliant and
helpful, and that Mr. Jones was /Relined to
shrink those lover -like attentions which had
once been the'sunshme of her life.
"Too bad, about that poor little Mrs.
Simeon," said Jones•'the other night as he
ate his supper.
"What's the matter with her ?" asked
Maria coldly.
"Didn't you bear about it ? She was alone
in the house when a tramp walked in and
demanded money, frighteniug her almost
to death."
"Hasn't she sense enough to lock the
doors when she's alone?" inquired Mrs.
Jones.
"She gave him all the money in the
hoose, and then screamed until the neigh -
bore heard her."
"Why didn't the do her screaming first?
I've no patience with such women," con-
tinued Mrs.. Jones.
"Maria, you must remember that you
are different from other women. You can
take care of yourself. Mre. Simeon ie one
of those timid, clinging little creatures who
are afraid of their own shadows, When
her husband went home he found all /he
neighbors at the house and his wife in hy-
sterics. "
"H'm ; a nice kind of a wife that for a
man to have."
"Marta, you have no sympatky. You
think because you baro no nerves thaw a•
other woman has any. The majority of
women are clinging, timid things, and such
an experience frightens thein out of all self-
control."
Then Mr. Jones took his bat and went Tilase solvamply aslce! for watch or purse;
down to the office, where he had some work for nothing, wbteb is worse.
to do, telling hie wife to ring him np if say ,'hose sallied forth with sword or gun;
one dropped in for a game of whist, • Those are net armed with either one.
Mrs. Jones gave the girl permission to go ahoy "prem a button," that is all,
out ; then she locked up the Loma: and eat But none escape them, great or small.
down to her sewing. She wasn't afraid, nor And whether we're prepared or not
lonely, nor nervous, but she was think-' We're caught by artiste on the spot.
ing. I have a. portrait.-eld, 'tits true,
"Clinging, timid creatures? H'm ! I'd But fine-• earl Robert, 'tis of you. -
like to know what some of thein find to A. sweet, attractive
cling to. 'Poor little Mrs. Simeon.' En.
Bearing diminutives. Evidently Mrs. Sim•
son isn't anybody's fool. I with Z'd clung
more. If I were going to be born akin, I'd
be a clinger next time, and ecream if I saw
my. shadow. What's that
It was a sharp, distinct noise is the
kitchen. Mrs. Jones did not stand on the
order of her going, but went at once. She
took her table lamp with her, and as she
stepped across the threshold confronted the
intruder. Her heart went down into her
boots.
- "Wretch 1" she exclaimed , ,"hners aid.
you get in ? You must have been hide
in the house. Oh I m -m -a -r -o -y s-a•r-e-me!
help i'.'_..,,, ,
Mr. Jones was sitting in his office hard at
work smoking like a factory chimney, when
hie telephone rung.
"Hello," he called, "who wants me?"
There was a faint and ghostly whisper of
"J eptha."
He rung up and rung ,up, and e.t last he
made out that Mre. Jones was is mortal
peril -and needed hie immediate return.
This was something so unusual that it
bothered Jones a good deal. .
"It can't be the grip," he thought ; it
wouldn't dare to attack Maria."
He hurried to his house and let hiraseH in
with a latch key. Mrs. Jones was is violent
hysterics,
Y'Wlipt"sae finppaned''1" lie"gaepe`d., "A a
yea hurt, Maria ?"
"No, o=n -1-y frigbtened," gseped Mrs.
Jones, swooning at sight of him.
i'SPEA.KING THE TRUTH. IN
LOVE."
" WHAT 1S THE CATHOLIC CHURCH '1
To the Editor of the Witness.
Ile,—Permit me to say, that
j;, were all controversial letters written
eitrthe=same''charitable spirit-as„Mr
.,;iarshail's last, which appeared in
this evening's issue of the Witness,
-. a kindlier spirit would soon spring
`A -'Up between the now contending
•(''parties. Christianity, is a religion
of love ; and thin Mr. Marshall
nth. .'+rtN.t-,I,.`•P^,e^^^2R..v. .. .. ..
XiSO R1 OTJ D 'y91$11,
T
APPSAt.Ta rl� SCOTTISH BARD TQ
GRANT REDflES$..
"To •Seo Ot}.reple aft ,there Sears" a 1!'at4tl
Oltt In tits Light of toe. *resent flay' -A
Plaint id Ithytne in Behalf of Modern
Sufferers.
DEAR ROBBXB BilEN$ ;
Once on a time,
You wished in smoothly Sowing rhyme,
Chat -"some kind power the giftie gift us,
1') see out so's ae ithers see us."
Ahl had yoa.humbly prayed for this:
"Oh! give us ignorance and bliss,
"Help us to bear our present lot,
"Nor flee to ills that we know notal
'Che coming nien your name had blessed
Instead **** ***** ** **** *****
* * * (the explanation Is suppressed),
For some 111 power your wish o'erheard
And you were taken at year word,
And we can see witbout disguise,
liow we appear te ethers' eyes,
But 'till no boon, as you thali see;
[t brings instead, much misery.
Highwaymen bold, that in your day,
Prowled np and down the king's highway,
Lawyer ()Ovid lts;�i�ibti It Se Strops,
ly
al' T1tiN la itetath.
Heist jest opposite tae in the train,
o legal 'documents be was pantiles
nq doubt that hd arae p lawye
oat oۥ the window es the whistle
to note that we were appoaolli
town, and a mina* 1pter felt
car was off the rano, A hall
had done. the bui+ineea, We bo
bumped along" for a few yards
car tilted over and went
kraen6.
were all pulled out of the
bit, and I found i had a broken
me lesser evils, ' I was laid. on
beside the lawyer, who was
nooascionq, but presently ho ca
briskly observed : "Open ewi
orailad--culpable carolesaness,-
for scent less than X5,000."
eemed• to fool of himself for
minutes to find oat how badly
and then oantinaed
arse than I thought for ! It Appears
both lege and this left arm aro broken,
think I can also plead intern
I'm geo4i for sis•moathe in th
even if I pull through. Damages
cent less than 1110,000, and don't
y to settle at that figure."
There were people rushing about, et
in the Werk of rgacue, and three
of tie were groaning and talo
by, but the lawyer was in no
d. He was evidently sicking
for his voice was mach weaker
"Papers, tarda and envelopes on
identify it by, and they'll telegraph
and ship mangled remains ho
se. Hurt worse than I-thought
I'm going to die. Will
everything in order, and loft note
Slice desk for my wife to sue
in case of my deatU. Clear case,
won't bo out five minutes."
he said any mgrs I didn't catch
net than busy figuring up
damages and groaning away in
ea. By and by the people cam
and shutters to carry us np
• As two of thorn were ready
p I arid: ,
think the lawyer here is
I nm. Give hila the preference
"Oh, he isn't in a bit ef, hurry—he
!" replied one of the men as he
look.
was a fast, and further, I was
t room when his widow received
for $20,000.—M. Quad.
t)u)1! aops,
. He end
from the iins
1 hadr. X
looked retle
blew ng R
largethat
the 4i in
',witchbobbed
end b , and
thea! thedown an
emben
We,wreck
atter a thlee
and iome
tor a
time n No to
rad b switch—
train d won't
settle
Hes two or
three he was
hurt
"W pears
that oken,
and I'al in-
juries.a hos-
pital, es not
one cebe in
a hurry
ill en-
gaged or
four n wise
n
clove
rattle , how-
ever, as he
read: the body
y
to ph my
uie b
expret for
Quite drawn
and on
my ofor $20,-
000 o, and
jury it, I
If
was j my own
four lan-
guag a with
doors to the
depotto pick
me u
"I hurt worse
than -
's atone
deadtook a
brief
Itin the
court a ver-
dictt
",7�liut.
ONE OF "'riled 1ILLICIOUa amino."
Were gentlemen—aye Christians, too-
Coulpared to this malicious crew
That uow infest each lane and street,
tabour we in walks abroad must meet.
:FUNNY ' $ •KJE STORE,
li-IE .EXPERIEN¢E AND COMPOSITION
OF $1, D, THACKEft.
A roam After tbelitaveir fityle of Voll.. -The
erpiexittee of the vtetkp,—The 1etatle
of an Iaeldent in His Life and ite
Lugubrious i¢ndlps.
Once upon a midnight dreary, wlien my eyes
grew rather :bleary,.
Prom my nearly empty bottle 1 another
drink did pour ;
While the sweet solace 1 wee drawing, and
again my heart was tbawlug,
seems to know. But it is also a re-
ligion of divinely revealed truth,
`, and it is this truth which we must'
defend ; as it should be to the Chris-
' . tiaa dearer than life, or love, or
friendship, or any earthly ties.
I(` It 3a our duty to defend what we
cbelieve to be true, and in doing eo
we are actuated by no bitterness of
spirit, but simply by the desire that
Catholic truth may be placed before
the public as taught by Catholics,
and not as those outside the Catho-
lic, fold believe it to be.
Before ending I may remark that
'Catholics do not believe that all
time outside the pale of the church
will be lost. Far from it, they
'know that there are pious GO -fear -
/ng people in all the sects. and that
these, if through- want of the re,
quieite knowledge, tbey do not be-
lieve the truth as taught by the
Catholic church, yet that they will
be saved.
"If exclusion from the church is
only the fruit of invincible errors of
education, it is not imputed by God
as sin. Such material heretics, not
rtnal heretics, are held by
o, : its Roman Catholic Christians,
clogging to the soul of the Church.
he bull Irnigenitus, however, con-
emris every form of the doctrine
bat 'grape is not given out of the
Ohurcb,'iltid Pine IX. papally
xlltified the doctrine that the goods
Ott of God will never give over to
eternal death any persona whatso-
ever, who being by invincible error
Out of the Church, are nevertheless,
*tedious to fashion their lives ao-`
cording to the precepts of his law
ritten on the heart."
OATISOLIC AFMOCIATION OF CANADA,.
Montreal, April 7, 1892.
comeliness, •
Is in yenr face, and in
your dress.
The artist—may he
e'er be blessed—
Pias shown you at
your very best.
,appose instead, some
wretch aecurst
a Sad canght you at
your very worst,
And "fixed" you to be
handed down,
Iii pose, to shame a
' - a very clown.
stuff` :assa
When 'Death the hawthorn's fragrant shade,
You warmly wooed your Highland maid,
"Wi' teeny a vow and fond embrace,"
I wonder when suck was the case.
If you'd have blessed the wily -,lend,
Who, by the treacherous bark tree screened,
The button—not the trigger—pressed,
Just as you clasped her te'yonr breast ?
Perohanoe you wished to slyly sip
A friendly eooial glass. Your lip
Had coarsely touched the beaker's rim --
Beep goes the button—"Pro got him?"
And chuckling imp next day displays
"Proof" et the error of your ways.
He ran for the camphor, but found a bot-
tle of alcohol instead and applied it liberal-
ly. Ina few momenta Maria began to
scream, alt the time clinging coevaleively
to Mr. Jones. •
"Don't claw me so," be raid, jerking his
coat from her bands. "I thought yoa.
had more Penes than to go into ever
anythiug. What was tt, anyhow—the
trump ? .
"Mercy, no 1 Worse, a thousand times
Name," Paid Mrs. Jones, feebly resuming
the perpendicular.
"Burglars ?"
"Worse than burglars."
"It wasn't a ghost, was it?" asked Jeneo,
looking behind him.
"Oh, no, Mr. Jones; you don't think a
ghost would have frightened me. No, it
was a great, awful m-o-n.e-e i"
In view of what followed, Mre. Jones
thinks she will never try the clinging act
again. She says she never listened to each
language in her life.
Tit • For Tat.
When at your Nancy's feet you knelt,'
Pray toll us how you would have felt
If you hal beard that fatal snap,
Jurat es yon whimpered on her lap,
I0 mix) •
"or Iiia 17�t1ntA1'IAAOA e► ,look of 000.10.
„1liaudroaie'nl$om;;bore ;
For we ,caiitttit 44111, ftgr':oatsg. wss;..'w,re Stever
blessed with ageing" _'
,Any llviOg ltumdl~l?etng. who had rooantor
tIitymorei -
Apy inertel reee r4104 taken ell the drip to
I btid before
Arid lied negro for ilfty.more, -
"Prophet!!;'said 1, "thing 9f evil -1 prophet
still, if snake or devil 1
Whether real or whether like the snakes
I've aeon before,
Desglate, yet all undaunted, on my demijohn
implanted,
In this home by D. T,'e haunted -tell me
truly, I Implore, -- laanaa
Is thorn balm in geeley'a gold -cure 1 Toll
me, tell me, 1 implore 1"
Quoth the serpent, "Nevermore."
"Be tbat word our elgn of parting, snake or
fiend I" I ehrielred, upstarting,
"Get thee back to outhr darknets—quit the
jug behind the door 1"
Tben a mtsslo sent.I dashing where the seta
peat's oyes were flashing,
When I heard an ominous Crashing, and a
chill my heart ran o'er ;
For the demijohn was broken, and upon my
chamber floor '
Flows the whiskey evermore!
Suddenly tbere came a gnawing just out-
side my chamber door.
"'Tie a cursed mouse," I muttered, "gnawing
at my chamber door ;
Only this, and nothing more."
.Presently the gnaws grew stronger ; hesitat-
ing then no longer,
"Mouse," said I, "believe mc, your cessa-
tion I implore ;
For the fact is I was drinking to suspend this
cursed thinking,
And in slumber fast was sinking when you
mused me at the door ;
Get you gone, and let me snore."
Deep into that bottle peering, long I sat
there wondering, fearing
That if I refilled the bottle I would get the
snakes once more ;
But the silence was unbroken, and I needed
but'one token,
Only Knew One of the Kind.
He had a few days' growth of beard on
his face and his hair was pretty long. . He
passed his hand over his chin, and with a
shudder said :
"George 1 I must get shaved."
"X ought to," returned his friend medita-
tively, "bat I guess 1'11 let it go to -day,
I never borrowed to shave myself, you
know, and I hate to get into a barber's
chair."
"I'd rather be in a dentist's. Why is it,
I wonder?"
"I don't know, but I never knew but ono
man who didn't positively abhor a barber.
shop."
"You knew one?" asked the long-haired
man in surprise.
"0, yes; I knew one who was rather fond
of it."
"Liked the smell of pomade and all
that ?"
"He seemed to."
"Didn't mind having a stranger paw his
face all ever ?"
"Apparently not."
"Enjoyed the remarks and jests that a
barber crakes when he has the razor around
your throat so that you can't protest ?"
"He acted so."
"Didn't get nervous when the barber
stopped stropping his razor to gossip with
some one at the next chair b"
"Not at all." •
"How about the suggestion that a hair'
"c`ut,'a f�kampoo',"' and' `seven 'klncle o(+hair
tonic were necessary?"
"He generally took them."
"And liked it?"
"He went to a barber shop on every
possible pretext."' •
The long-haired man looked at the other
doubtfully a tednient end then asked :
"What asylum is he in noel?"
"Mimico."
The long-haired man shook the other by
the hand in the manner of a man who had
done some one a great injustice and wish-
ed to make it right.
"I beg your pardon," he said, "For a
moment or two I thought you were a liar."
"THa maTON—NOT Tun TRIGGER—PRIMED.'
And she—the jade—about to give
A well-developed negative@
Would you have said, then, pert and pat;
A man's a man for all o' that?"
I fear your locks you would bave torn,
And groaned : "Alai man was made to
mourn."`
Yet this and more we've had to bear,
We turn to you in our despair,
And beg you, without ceasing, pray
The gods to take their gift away,
And give us back those halcyon days,
When We pursued our various ways,
Without a thought, or fear, that we -
5bould see ourselves as others see.
More grievances I could disclose—
For these are not one half the woes
Your fatal wish has brought to men ;
But this ie quite enough, 1 ken,
To show our plight, and why to you
Redress we look for ; then, adieu,
Until we meet where are no days.
Yours,
VICTIM OF IgE CA1n1RA CRAZE
That Injedielons Cough.
"Why Mabel, what's the matter? You
look as blue as an owl."
"Blue! I should think I might 1 You
remember what a bad cough Mr. Oldcash
sad when I got engaged to him ?"
"Well, now that the wedding is only a
week off, it seems as if it grew better every
day."
A clipped horse's suggestion for a winter
flay. •
Tho Itebinee.
The editor kept to his desk all day,
And likewise most of the night;
He wrote by himself so much, at last
He bedame an anchowrite.
She changed His Furpose.
Bessie—I'm a purist myself, but I think
there is such a thing as overdoing it.
Jack—You mean that for me?
Bessie—Yes ; I notice you constsntly
'purpose,' but never propose.
A Warning.
And the serpent in it floating, still le gloat-
ing, still is gloating
On the ruined jug of Bourbon just behind
my chamber door ;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a de-
mon's that is dreaming,
And the whiskey o'er him stream Boats
forever on the floor •
And my soul from out that whiskey that is
floating on the floor
Shall bo lifted—nevermore 1
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
How He ls• Fulflling His Dual Position
as Editor and Mayor.
DON'T WANT ANY.—We see by the Tucson
and Tombstone papers that the people of
those towns are getting ready to float a
spring boom. We don't want anything of
the sort here,_ We just want to sec this
town held level and let her take a natural
gait. Booms make fictitious values and
help only a few, while a slow and steady
growth benefits everybody.- . We haven't
done much bre,gging in- the lust year, but
if there is any other town in the State
which has opened nineteen new saloons,
put up two Scheel -houses, started seven
new poker (Aube,' and planted seven bad,
bad men in sandy soil, we should like to
hear it called by name.
Maj. Johnson, who owns eighteen acres
of sand prairie, on which nothing but cactus
and rattlesnakes will grow, is aching to
start a boom and work his real estate off on
Eastern tenderfoots who want to go into
figs and oranges. Ho thinks he could get
$25,000 in cash for what cost him a $20
mule. But the Kicker will sit right down
on any boom he may set afloat. This town
is doing well enough as it is, and it is wise
to let well enough alone.
P. S.—Since the above was in type we
have been informed that the number of new
saloons is twenty-nine' instead of nineteen—
a gain of ten. We shouldn't be surprised
if it turned out the same way with the poker
clubs.
UNDER ,CONSIDERATION.—The editor of
alinojalefaaasewaela and the Mayor
of the town (who is also ourself) are in re-
ceipt of invitations to attend the opening of
the Pacific poker -rooms next week. As
editor of the Kicker we shall accept the in-
vitation, but as Mayor we may have to de-
cline it. We have the matter under con-
sideration, and have written to the Mayors
of several towns for advice.
It doesn't seem to us to be exactly the
proper thing for the Mayor of this town to
attend the opening of a public gambling
place-„ As editor of the Kicker he has no
objection to going, but official dignity must
be considered and maintained. It will be a
sacrifice for us not to attend, but we were
elected to make sacrifices and shall not com-
plain.
Our contemporory came out yesterday
with the announcement that the Mayor was
Dania—in—the -Rada-Mafia an'lotif beturday '',.' `-",_ "`l"
evening, to the detriment of his dignity.
It is not true. AS editor of. the Kicker we
went in for a nip. As Mayor, after the nip
had been disposed of, we took a loaf around
to see if the ordinance was being violated
in any manner. -Ai. Quad.
And the only words there spoken were the
whispered words. "Some more."
These I whispered, and an echo murmdred
back, "Behind .the door,
Fill ibeabottie there once more."
Towards the demijohn then turning, all the
man within me burning,
Was I, when I heard a racket something
lender than before.
"Maybe," said I, "there a rat is ; wonder
where on earth the cat is ;
Let me then see what thereat is "; then
mostearnestly I swore ;
For my heart was sore within me, and 1
creamy, sweetly swore
At that moose, and nothing more.
Colonel Swords (late of the Steenth Cav-
e.lry—Ah, good morning, Miss Dasher.
Very fond of horseback riding, I be-
lieve ? °
Miss Dasher—Very must so, indeed.
Decidedly healtby exercise, don't you
think ?
Voionel Swords—Yes, oh, yes ? But
don't carry it te excess ; just see how my
figure has been ruined by being so much in
the saddle.
Tribulations of a Cheap 'Doctor.
Stranger (midnight)—I should like you
to go to No. 999 Suburb Avenue to sco my
wife.
Doctor—All right. I'll be ready as soon
as I can get my carnage. Wait and you
can ride with me.
Doctor (two hours later)—I can see noth•
ing the matter with your wife exeopt that
she seems pretty mad at being waked up.
Stranger—Remarkable recovery, I must
say. Here's your dollar.
Wife (five minutes later) --Why in crea-
tion did you bring a doctor to see me?
Husband—The street cars had stopped
running, and it was cheaper than hiring a
cab.
•.e,
•
Here I opened wide the casement, when, tc
my profound amazement,
In there came a scaly serpent, such as I'd
ne'er seen before;
Not an instant stopped or stayed ho; nor tc
me attention paid be;
But with 'wondrous instinct made he for
the jug behind the door.
For the demijobn of Bourbon just behind my
chamber door,
And I sat down on the floor.
Then the cunning snake beguiling my sad
visage into smiling,
By the quiet unusual number of the many
tails he wore;
"Though my troubles thou dost thicken,
thou," I said, "art no spring chicken,
The Style of Them.
She was looking in a tailorshop window
when Mr. Softie came up and with a Rap-
ing twitter remarked :
"Ah, Miss Sharply, what is the style for
men ?"
"I em," she replied sweetly, and she
walked off without him.
A Prior Interview.
And my pulses you do quicken, as you
roost behind my door;
For from out tbat jug of Bourbon I would
like a few drinks more."
Qnoth the serpent, "Fifty more?"
Much I marvelled this ungainly snake to hear
Had Mrs, Trade-
free's friends seen
her before the ship
landed tbey would
have thought her
trip bad done her
worlds of good.
But unfortunately
the : custom -house
authorities saw her
first, and when her
friends beheld her
she looked like this.
--Judge.
Preparing for Emergencies.
Mr. Howell (of the firm of Gettup &
Howell)—James, is there any crape in the
store ? `
Clerk—Plenty of it, sir.
Mr. Howell—You may tie a piece of it
on the doorknob, put up the shutters, lock
up everything secureiy, and go home.
"No news of any death, 1 hopel" j
(Gloomily), "Not yet, but there probably
will be before night. The gas bill has
come."
Explained.
Jones—What bas made the telephone so
successful, do you imagine ? •
Brown—I presume it is owing to the feet
that it is run on sound principles.
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