The Huron News-Record, 1889-09-11, Page 6.t
the Huron Nows-Record
$1.50 a Year -•41..25 in Advance.
L" The map doses not do,j«stiuc to hie lawineee
who vends less iia aacerttetn,/ than he duce in
rent.—A. T. STtswaa:r, the u,r/ltueaire merchant
of New York.
Weduesd:ly.', Sept. llth. 1859
LAWYERS AND THEIR
S PEEC IT .
A story ie told of a troll -known
lawyer addressing a jury respecting
a chitnuey being ou fire, and in the
course of his address exclanm`tug "
"Gentlemen, the. chimney touk`fl,tp,
it poured forth voluulcse of $tank°.
Volumes did I say 1—whsle, cncy-
clopedies1" Witty arid; htlulorous
remarks frequently I8 atuon g the
legal fraternity outs'id'e' the law
courts.... Lord El(onbpruugh was
dining one day at. au assize dinner,
when some one•;ofered to, help 'him'
to some fowl i; No, thank you,"'
said his loldshfp,,"i mean to `try
that beef. " 4 "`If yon do, my lord,"
said Jekay+,l,"it tiyil1 be hung beef."
Sergi, Davy NAB adcused, on one
occasion , •:of ,'laving` disgraced the
bar by'taking''ailver from a client.
"I took .;'tits t iiver," he eXelailn ,d
"because I"could not ge ,gold ;
I took every farthing the fellow
had in the world, and I hope..you
don't call that disgracing the pro-
feesiou." One night as Erskine
was coming out of the house of
commons he was stopped by a mem-
ber going in and asked : "Who's
up, Eyck m01" "Windham," was
the reply. "What's he 001" was
the next question. "His legs,"
said the witty advocate ; a reply
which would scarcely satiafy the
• desire fur political information.
SITE WAS TIRED OF GETTING
INTO PIUNT,
"isir. Smithers," said his wife,
"if I remember rightly, you Lave
often said that y'ou disliked to see a
woman constantly getting herself
into print."
"I du," said Smithers, positive,
ly.
"You considered it unwomanly
and indelicate, I believe."
•
"Anil you don't see how any man
could allow his wife to do any•
thing of rho kind."
"Yes, I think so now."
"Well, Mr. Smithers, in view of
all the facts in the case, I feel justi-
• fied in asking you for a new silk
'dress."
"A new silk dress?"
"Yes; for the last eight years I.
have had nothing better than eight,
cent calico, and I want something
• else. I'm Aired of getting inti
prinf.r,
HISTORICAL PUNS.
Such puns have more than once
played formidable part in history:
France expiated by the devastation
of an c niire province a coarse and
clumsy play upon "corpse" and
"cotp ii• •flee" clad by the French
i' is g iu derision of his terrible
neighbor William the Conqueror.
Charles V. 's jesting assertion that
ho could put Paris in his glove
(pant), though meant, only to indi-
cate the superior size of Ghent to
tho Paris of that day, stung Francis
I. into the renewal of a languishing
war. Ono of Lonis XV.'s upstart
favorites was driven from the court
by the biting pun that >;urned his
new title of Marquis de Vandiere
into "Marquis d'Avant-hien" (the
day before yesterday).
Tho epigrammatic brevity of Sir
Francis Drake's celebrated but
probably mythical dispatch an-
nouncing the rout of the Armada—
which consisted of the single word
"Cautharides," e., the Spanish fly.
—has been twice paralleled in our
own ago. Sir Charles Napier and
Lord Dalhousie respectively an•
nouncod the annexation of Scinde
and that of Oudo in one word apiece
"'Poccavi"' I have sinned (Scinde),
and "Vuvi," I have vowed (Oude).
Equally historical is the bitter pun
that changed tho name of the slug-
;;ish Admiral Torrington to "Ad•
milt.' Tarry in -town."
Napoleo,n who was no man for
light jesting; is credited with only
a single pun, and that a rather poor
During the great Italian cam-
paign of 1766-7 he replied to a lady,
who wondered to find such a famous
man so young. "I am young to -day,
but tomorrow Ishall have Milan"
(1. e. mille ane," a •thousand years.)
A tnuch better juke was that •made
on the great conqueror himself by
an 'Italian countess, who, hearing
him say, "All Italians°are traitors„'
replied pointedly, "Not all of them,
hut a good part (Buo-na•parte).
Equally neat, and even more grim-
ly,significant, Was Bismarck'sanswor
to n person who was speculating
how much the impending war of
1879 would cost France. Not
much, said the iron Count; "only
two Napoleons.
•Cul. Campbell, of Nelson, sold
this week 1,200 bushels of now
wheat at 85 cents a bush. on board
of oars at Milton.
CONSUME TION SURE,L .r CURED..
To THE Epixo s :--
4'1eaa.e info w your readers that I
have a positive remedy for the above
named disease. By its timely use
thousands of hopeless cases have
been permanently cured, I shall be
glad to send two bottles of my re-
medy FREE to any of your readers
who have consumption if they will
send me their Express and P. O. ad-
dress,
Respectfully, DE. T. A. SLOCUM,
164 West Adelaide at., Toronto, Ont
=The statement is hardly to be
ere cited, but it is a fact none the
lee t1 e Winnipeg Free Preen,
.thatTlYiii,,naluiticipality of Elton, im-
.mediately n•ttl'th.1 of Brandon, has
paftl for 4O,00(4opher tails this
summer and still the burrowing
beggars ale;not hard'wto -find in the
muntpipalit .
TILOROUGfILY 1ttIED
Tidying given Dr. Fowler's Extract
o?WiId,Strawberry a tho'rough:; trial,
Ido nothtate:;to pay that I believe
I,
hesitate
it is the best rer"uedy in existence for
'all summer complaints; diarnceua,
dysentery, colic, etc.
Mits. R. S. \\'AITE,
Springfield. Ont.
—Shortly after eight o'clock one
evening Allred Jones, a brakeman
on an auxiliary train, while passing
between the auxiliary car and van,
fell between the cars and was com-
pletely cut in two. Death was in-
stantaneous. Jones was an un-
married man about thirty ,years of
age. His mother lives near Belle-
ville.
—Mr. Willutm Ashbury, who
was probably Loudon's oldest resi-
dent, dropped dead Tuesday on the
Market Square; where he 'had goue
gone for a stroll with his two pet
dogs.., Mr. Ashbury was bora in
Tipperary, Ireland. and, with his
mother, 'brothers and sisters, came
to Canada when quite young. He
settled in London in 1832. He
followed the trade of blacksulithing,
and in early years had been seen
setting tires in the middle of the
street that is now LOndou's busiest
thoroughfare. Ito acquired a for-
tune supposed to . be^ iu the neigh-
borhood of $150,000. In the Vic-
toria disaster, May 27, 1881, Mr.
Ashbury saved the life of a boy
who clung to hintin the water,
but at the same time he lost his
wife. IIe leaves no children, and
the most of his wealth will go to his
nephews and nieces.
•
IT CAN DO NO IIARM to try
Freelnar.'s Worm Powders if your
child is ailing, feverish or fretful.
—David Weir, James Eden and
John Eden were brought to the
Elgin jail Saturday night, having
been committed by Squire Glover,
of Aylmer, on a charge of arson.
At the examination John Sprague
and his wife testified that the' three
parties accused, along with several
others wham they failed to recog-
nize, called at the shanty occupied
by the couple in South Dorchester
at one o'clock in the morning and
pelted it wall stones. Failing to
force the door open they cleaned
out the chinks in the shanty and
threw stones through the:apertures.
They then climbed to the roof, tore
oft a portion and threw live coals
down on the bed on which the
couple had been sleeping. Tho
house caught fire and the family,
consisting of Sp ague, his wife and
three or' for c tildren, barely
escaped with their lives, fleeing in
their night clothes from the build-
ing, which was totally destroyed
with its dontonts. Tho only reason
alleged by the gang for their devil-
try was that Sprague married a
squaw.
PURITY OF INGREDIENTS and
accuracy of compounding, make Mil -
burn's Aromatic Quinine Wine the
criterion of excellence.
Robt. Marvel, after fasting 67
days, died at Indianapolis lust week,
aged 85 years. On Juue.-.13th Mr.
Maryol ate his Iaet square meal.
For thirty six days he took absolute•
ly no fool into hie atonu►eh. On
the 38th he'bit off a piece of pie, but
slid not eat it. On the 39th (lay he
drank a little milk, and at irregu•
lar periods continued to do so. All
told he drank not exceeding one
gallon of milk in the 67 days of the
fast. Ile was reduced to a living
shadow. After fixating a full month
he one slay arose from bed, and
seizing a pail of water drank some.
After that milk and water were
left near hits, and occasionally he
would ribs and ,bink a little.
During the last week. Marvel was
bed -fast except, at tiniest, when he
would spring up and wander about,
the house. Sores cause upon hint by
reason of ills long confinement. His
fast is the longest on record, so far
as known. His trouble began with
apo(letty and paralysis.
If you could see your own scalp
through an ordinary magnifying glass
you would be amazed at the amount
of dust, dandruff, and dead skits
there on accumulated. The best
and most popular preparation for
cleansing the scalp is Ayer's Hair
Vigor.
A SINGLE SCRATCH may cause
a festering sore. Victoria Carbolic
Salvo rapidly heals cuts, wounds,
bruises, burns and all sores.
S
A CORRUPTaS.T4M.
Bad blood May corrupt the etitire
bysteni and cause scrofulous gores,
swellings, ulcers, salt rheum; erysipe•
las, sore eyes and akin diseases, as
shingles, tetter, etc. Buadock Blood
Bitters purifies the blued and clean,.
sea, tones and strengthens the entire
system.
e° —M. Higgins, Windsor, Qat.,
fired at two Q001(111'11 wlhu were in
0QNSUIlti'T10N CURED.
An old physician, retired front pruetiee,
having had placed itt his hands by an
•Bast ln<lia ahlssiouary the formula of a
simple vegetable remedy for the speedy
and permanent cure of Consumption,
Bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma and all
throat and Lung affections, also a positive
and radical cure for Nei volts Debility and
all Nervous Complaints, after having test-
ed its wonderful curative powers in thous-
ands of eases, has telt it his duty to make
it known to his suffering fellows. Actua-
his peach on.hal'd. 0 holty•tice shuts ted by this motive and a desire to relieve
were extracted from eau ehild aid' human. sefferiug. I will semi free of
uiuuleun fluor rho other. I'huy 'charge, to all who desire it, this recipo, in
Germatl, French or English, with full
will recover. He was rent up for •I directions for preparing ami using. Sent
Yrial.
RELY ON THIS. .
DEAR SIR: l have used Dr. Fow-
ler's Extract of Wild Strawberry for
the last three years, and can always
rely upon it as a speedy cure for
diarrhoea and all aunt mer complaints.
I can recommend it highly and I wish
you every succe:•s.
NIRS. W. Fnwl.Elt.
12 Oxford St., Toronto
—A few days ago Miss \iaush, of
S1.,alta, was passing along Talbot
street, Sf; Thomas, when a man
named Robinson, employers on the
nlichigau Central railroad fence
gang, is alleged to have remarked :
"Pretty girl, 1 wish you were not
married,” or words to that effect.
The Michigan central railroad
authorities were communicated with
and suspended Robinson until such
time as he could clear himself. Ile
claims that there was no insult int•
plied in the terns and asks to bo re-
stored to work. Messrs. Macdou•
gall & Robertson have been retain-
ed by Robinson, and the facto are
being invetigated.
A GOOD REGULATION.
Disordered kidneys give rise to
rheumatism dropsy, pain in the back
and loins, etc., besides many danger -
ems complaints affecting the kidneys
themselves, as Bright's disease,
uraemia. etc. Regulate the kidneys
with Burdock Blood Bitters, the best
diuretic and kidney remedy ever
devised.
—Mr. Samuel Kerslake, of the
tenth line, Hibbert, suet with a
serious In istort ue lately iu the los-
ing of otto of his eyes. While
busy with the hay Mr. Kerslake
rutted some, of the sweat off his
ha s into his eyes, and it is sup-
posed that the poison of the smart
wend or fire Weed had been rubbed
iu at the sante time. At -all events
one of bis eyes became badly. in-
flamed, and after being treated a
few days by a local physician, he
was recommended to go to Toronto.
On arriving there his eye was ex-
amined by a special oculist and
found to be damaged beyond re-
pair. •
ALL AGES AND CONDITIONS of
people may use National Pills with-
out injury and with great Lenefit.
—Mrs. D. L. Banslag, wife of a
prominent Indiana farmer, was in-
stantly killed in an unusual way.
With her two small children she
had gond to the barn -lot to tnilk the
cows. She had just begun the
milking, when the animal kicked
her ,just beneath tho chin, forcing
the head baste suddenly and with
great force, breaking her neck.
She fell back and expired in the
presence of her two little ones with-
out speaking.
One of the reasons why Scott's
Emulsion has such a lafge sale is, be-
cause it is the best. Dr. W. H.
Cameron, Halifax, N. S. says. "I
have prescribed Scott's Emulsion of
Coil Liver Oil, with Hypophosrhites,
for the past two years, and found it
more agreeable to the stomach and
have better resulta from its use than
any other preparation of the kind I
have ever used." Sold by all Drug-
gists, 50c. and $1.00.
ADVICE TO Mornaas.—Are you dis-
urbed at night and broken of your rest
b a sick child suffering and crying with
pain of Cutting Teeth? If so send at
once and get a bottle of "Mrs Winslow's
Soothing Syrup" for Children Teething.
its value is incalculable. It will relieve
the poor aide sufferer immediately. De-
pend upon it, mothers; there is no mis-
take about it. it cures Dysentery and
Diarrhoea, regulates the Stomach and
Bowels, cures Wind Colic, softens the
Gums, reduces inflammation, and gives
tone and energy to the whole system.
"Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup" for
children teething is pleasant to the taste
and is the prescription of one of the oldest
and beat female physicians and nurses in
the United States, and is for sale by all
druggists throughout the world. Price
25c. a bottle. Be sure and ask for "Mrs,
Winslow's Soothing Syrup," anditake no
other kind.
—Tho potato rot has broken out
with great violence in the best
potato sections of western New York.
From some town's where a few
weeks ago large yields were ex-
pected, not a quarter of a crop will
be haryested. Wet weather is the
cauee, and as this has prevailed in
all parts of the country, it is fair .to
presume thattit has everywhere
produced the same effect. Potatoes
will be dear before next spring.
IT DON'T MATTER.
IIowever old, obstinate or chronic
your ease may be Burdock Blood
Bitters has enred so many seemingly
incurable cases that it is well worth
n trial in yours. Cases of dyspepsia,
scrofula, liver complaint, etc:, of
twenty-five years' standing have
been cured by B. B. B.
by mail by addressing with stamp, naming
this paper. W. A. NovEs, 149 Power's
Block, Rocheslet N. Y. 507 pow,
•
—Raiva have extinguished the
prairie fires near Regina, but not
before much damage was done.
A BIG STRIKE.
A big strike was make when Powell
St Davie issued their Extract of arsap-
arilla and Burdock. It has met with
great success, and it must, for it is the
most powerful blood purifier in the mar-
ket. It is used with the greatest SII0CP88
in all diseases arising from a debilitated
conditon of the system, and everyone
needs, and should use a bottle or two at
this season of the year, of Powell's Ex-
tract of Sarsaparilla and Burdock. Bear
in mind one 50e. bottle contains more
solid medicine than most dollar so-called
Sarsaparilla and bitters. Aleo remember
that it is sold in Clinton by all druggists,
price 50e. a bottle. Sold by all drug-
gists and medicine dealers' everywhere.
4431ly
`TRAY STOCK ADVER
_:::.y 1J TISEMENTS inserted iu Tse
Move Ramiro at low rates. The law
makes it compulsory to advertise stray stock
It yon want any kind of advertising you will not
do better titan call an 'ewsateocord.21,
THIS YEAR'S
Y TR, H
CUT and PLUG 1
SMOKINC TOBACCO.
FINER THAN EVER.
tSEEI
—IN BRONZE ON --
EACH PLUG and PACKAGE.
517-y
CZOTHIN
ABRAHAM SMITH,
Market Square,
GODERIOH.
WEST OF ENGLANL SUIT.
DIGS & TROUSERINGS,
SCOTCH TWEED SUITiNGS &
TROUSEItINGS,
FRENCH AND ENGLISH WOR-
STED CLOTHS,
Made up in Beat Style and Work-
manship at Abraham Smith's.
Num t:7! stor'1• one (f the cheape...
. and beet stocb 4 of •
WINTER MTFH C
AND CLOTHS.
A Fall Lille:of GENTS' FUR
NISHINGS always in stock,
It will pay you to call on:
ABRAHAM SMITH
Established • 1855.
1. BIDDLECOMBE.
watches, Clocks,
Jewelry,Sifverware
Repairing in all
branches.
Opp, the Market,
CLINTON.
EXHAUSTED VITALITY!
r�PHE SCIENCE OF Li FE,
the great Medical Work
of the agoon Manhood. Ner-
vous and Physical nobility,
Premature Decline, Errors
of Youth, aqd the untold
miseries consequent there -
.on, 300 pages 8 vo., 125
prescrfptioneforall diseases
Cloth, full gilt, only 01.00,
by mall, sealed, 1llastrati, a .ample tree to all
young and middle -Aged Inc,,. Send now. 'rho
Gold and .Jewelled Medal awarded to the author
by the National Medical Association. Address
1'. O. Ilex 1895, Boston, Mass, or Dr, 0'. H.
PA iRI(ER,!gradunte of ITarvnrd Medical College, •
25 yaws practice in Boston, who may be consult-
ed confidentially. Spertalty,i'tllsenses of Man.
Office No 4 Bulfinch Street 495y
To9Taill{
A WONDERFUL LAKE} •
On ATER DOETH 000D Li C A MEDT
r.
MEDICAL LAKE REMEDIES
(� ��•t++r`-t tt`t� 0��6 ' \,`1St �'\SM 4\A�.
TRY NATURES.REMEDY'
P..UR • PEE BLESS POTE7yt
SOL Blt;.Al.1.'• DRUGGI S'TS.
POTF QFgf./4,4 j. ,41.0VODN, ONT
1
House
Painting,
Glazing and Graining,
Plain : and : Decorative
Paper
Hanging
ttortmtt
'MS
ota
GJ
0
1
1 -
rin
GO
1(ALSOII�ING
and FRESCOING.
Shop next Kennedy's Hotel,
Albert Street,
CLINTON, , - ONTARIO.
CHARLES T. SPOONER
NEW STOCK ! NEW STORE !
ELLIOTT'S BLOCK, - CLINTON.
JOSEPH CHIDLEY, Dealer in Furniture.
Call at the New Store and see the stock of
Bedroom and Parlor Sets, Lounges, Sideboards, Chairs, Springs,
Mattresses, ere., And general Household Furniture. The whole Stock is from the very
best manufacturers. Picture Frames and Mouldings of every description.
JUS. CHIDLEY, one door West of Dickson's Book Store.
SOB PRINTING
zhe 1 nxalz no- trod,
THE ACKNOWLEDGED
Leading:: Conservative :: Paper
0/
OF THE COUNTY, HAS ONE QF THE
x 4
Best Equipped Job Rooms
•
-
IN WESTERN ONTARIO.
0
Toe Most Job -Printing
EXECUTED ON THE SHORTEST NOTICE.
0
Fall Slow Printing
OF EVERY DESCRIPTION.
Posters, :-: Streamers,
Circulars, Cards, &c.
0
COLORED PRINTING!
EQUAL (IN MANY CASES SUPERIOR) TO CITY WORK.
0
BILL HEADS,
NOTE HEADS,
LETTER HEADS.
0
The Double Circulation gg
Talks to Thousands.
0
h
Advertiso:in The News-R000rd
THE ONLY
A DOUBLE CIRCULATION
iIN THE COUNTY OF HURON.