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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron News-Record, 1889-05-08, Page 64 7 he Huron News -Record 60s Year -81.25 in advance. IIVOnesdalt Min)", 801. 1889 THE FRAUDULENT PRESS. An old fellow celled on the manager of the westeru bureau of press clippings. "Look liere,"-said he' "seine time ago I hearn of your institution an thinkin' that it mout be a good thing I j'ined it." "What's your name V' "Elieha \V. Otte." "Yes, I remember. we have your name." "Yee, wall as I aint beam nuthin' • frum you I 'lowed that I mout have misunderstood the woi ki .11'0 of your establishment." "It is perfectly plain," the maim - ger replied. "We took over several thousands of papers every day and when we find anything relating to a subscriber we clip it out and send it to him." "You aiut sent me nuthin' yet." "Are you a prominent man in your district'!" "Wall, I reckon I ortor be. I run for jestice of the peace bast year and wa'n't beat by enny more than fifteen votes." "Ale you much known in a busi- ness way'!" "You air talking to the • p'int now. Year before last I was app'int ,d administrator for the Widder Lenson's estate. Knowed much ! Why 1 reckon I am." • "Yes, so I see, but the papers haven't said anything about you." "How many of them air there I"' "Some 15,600 in all, I believe.," "And not one in alt that number has said anything about mo "Not that we have been able to • discover." "Wall that is strange. Did you tell any of 'tn that I had j'ined the eocyation 7" "Oh ! no we don't do anything in that line." "Then you don't make the press talk about' a feller 7" we can't do that." "Yon say there is some 15,600 of them?" eyes.. "And not one of them has men- tioned me ?" "Not ouw." "Do yon want to know what I think of the press of this country '1 Pll tell you I think it is a blamed fraud. I told my wife that after I j'ined this thing she could fill a scrap book full othings about me and her and her children, .an' not a line have We got ; an' the neigh- bors air droppin' in ever' once in a while wantitit to know what the newspapers hey said about me. The newspaper press of this coun- try is a blamed fraud, sir." THE DAAUfelt Ur st'ATISTICS. ...,IDCAr4a1Mzr, travel a distance equal to 1,423,678 miles, or twice as far as from the moon to—' -- But she had fled, and when he called again he was given the 'uuly be a sister to you' bounce WHICH WAS MOST, LIKE A HOG. A good sten), is told of two Sonthern cleigymen, one of whom undertook to rebuke the other fur using the weed. 'Brother G.', hit exclaimed, with- out stopping to ask any questiOn, 'is it possible you chew tobacco V' '1 niust confess 1 do,' the other quietly replied. 'Then you must quit it, Sir,' the old gentleman energetically contin- ued. 'It s a You unclericil pr .tice—an uncleanly one. Tobacco Why even a hog won't chew it 'ratio r F. do you chew tobacco !' ieplied the anitteed listener. .No, Ri r,' he ausWered with indignation. 'Then, pray which is most like the hog, you ur I 1 A 131G STRIKE. A big strike was make when Powell Is Davis issued their Extract of arsap- arilla and Bordock. lt has met with great success, and it must, for it IQ the most powerful blood purifier in the mar- ket. It is used with the greatest success in all diseases arising from a debilitated conditon of the system, and everyone needs, and should use a bottle or two at this season of the year, of Powell's Ex• tract of Sarsaparilla and Berdock Bear in mind ooe 50c. bottle contains more solid medicine than most dollar so•called Sarsaparilla and bitters.. Also reniembe that it is sold in Clinton by all druggists, price 50c. a bottle. Sold by ail drug- gists and medicine dealers everywhere. 4431ly e %vas of a stet istical turn of mind. In fact he was what might be called a statistical crank. He can tell you precisely how long it will take a man to Walk from the earth to the moon, if he walkedtwenty miles a day. He can toll to the inch the number of miles that the average woman will walk while looking fur her scissors during au ordinary life- time. He knows or pretends to know, the facts and figures about everything. Well, one day this typical char- acter, whom we shall call Statisticus was sitting by the side of a young lady to whom he was engaged to be married, when he suddenly drew a note book and pencil from his breast pocket and began to ciph- er. Tho young lady also began to sigh. for she knew by sad experience that ho was going to firing some of his infernal statistics upon her. However sho asked: 'Are you writing a poem about me? How many. meals a day do you get, away with 1' naked Statisticus. 'Three of owl rye. What do you mean 1' 'I'll tell you iu a minute, do,tr- eat,' he replied, working vigorously with his leadpuncil. After several other questions of almostimpertineut nature placiug his arm Sround her waist, lie said tench' ly: 'Don't you nant to know, dearest Fanuy, how nay beef steers,aheep, turkeye, as well as barrels of flour, gallons of coffee, hundred dozens of ego, etc., have been telescoped by this lovely, pouting, little mouth ? 'I don't want to know anything of the kind,' she retorted angrily. 'You would be supprised to learn that during the last ten years alone, yon have swallowed seven - en head of cattle, forty-seven sheep' he replied, once more work- ing his pencil. Then she got her dander tip, and for five minutes there was a flow of indignant elo- quence that surprieedhim , for he began a new calculation, 'At the rate you were talking just, nee-, Miss Fennel' he said, IP soon as she peused for breath, 'your lower jew venin in twenty years • gruffly. —Joseph Sutherland, who was a powerononkey on hoard the vessel which first brought to England the news of Nelson's victory at Trafal- gar, has just attained his 100th year at Wilton, Sittingbourne, England He has good health and has alt his faculties intact. AS AN AID to internal remedie3 for skin diseases, Dr. low's So.pbur Soap proves very valuable. —There is a family living in Ohio whose ages are 104, 109, 111 and 115 years. The lady of 111 would probably have been much older if her life had not been shortened by smoking. a practice which she kept up for about seven- ty years. She has a family of promising boys aud girls the yonng est of whom is a lad of 70. "MANY MEN, MANY MINDS," but all men and all minds agree an to the merits of Burdock Pills, small and sagar-coated." —Should. a Maine lumberman find a it.tunip or . rotten log with thousands of big black ants iu it ho scoops the torpid insects from their winter domicile and fills his dinner pail with them, says the Pittsburg Dispatch. ' When he gets back to his cabin at night ho sets his pail in a cool place until his supper is is ready, than brings it forth, and, while helping 'himself to pork and beans, helps himself also 'Ants aro the very best of pickles,' said a "logger," who corfeseed to having devonred thousands of them. "Thom are cleanly insects, and there is no reason why they should not be oaten if one can get over a little squeamishness caused by the thought of taking such craw- ling things into his stomach. There is nothing repulsive about then, and when a anon has learned to eat the creatures as pickles he prefers thorn to any other kiud.'. FROM OCEAN TO OCEAN. Fishermen and miners in Nova Scotia, tneohanica and farmeaa in Ontario and Quebeo, hunters anti trappers in the Territories, and gold ruiners in British Columbia, use and praise Hagvard's Yellow Oil, the great internal and external rein*. ly for alt pain. It oures rheumatism. neuralgia, sore throats and croup, and is the reliance of thousands. STRONG RESISTANCE. A healthy human body bas strong powers of resistance against disc, es, but where weakness or lack of tone exist disease quickly assails it Keep the system clean, the blood pure and the vital powers vigorous and active by the use of Burdock Blood Bitters, the true vitalizer and restorative. —Daughters of a stallion whose dam was a producer of speed are considered much more valuable for breed purposes than those from a stallion which combines a greater number of fashionable lines, but whose dam hr- failed to acquire ins:Amnion thrdugh the performance of her sons and daughters upon the turf. —Among the many silly notions so constantly proclaimed on. teetotal platforms is the idea that poverty ie caused by drunkenness. The fact is that drunkenness is e ;used by poverty, and before you can get rid of drunkennes,s you must so change the social arrangements as to extin- guish pauperism. The bigotry of the teetotal .folk is only equalled by their ignorance, and they have I lone herrn to temperance reform. When the Scott act is thrown over board and the prohibition bigots turned of court, then the true friends of temperance may take:the matter in hand with some prospect of success. DECREASING THE DEATH RATE. The mortality among Consumptives yas been materially decreased of late hears by the use of Scott's Emulsion 0,f Cod Liver Oil with ITypophosin hites of Lime and Soda. ' Phthisis, Bronchitis, Abscess of 'the Lungs, Pneumonia and Throat Affections are completely subjugated by a timely use of this se:collet-it pulmonio. Pa. latable as milk. Sold by all Drug- gista at 50c. and KO, —11 18 reported that the C. P. R. intend putting nn a fast train mervices between Toronto and Mon treal. The distance is to he covered in eight hotline THE RED COLOR of the blood is caused by the Iron it contains. Sup- ply the iron when lacking by using Milburn's Beaf, Irma and Wine. --A calf is worth nearly as mucit as a cow. Not that it will bring 05 much money, but at a very small out- lay it will be brought to s cow, and ii well fed and cared for it will make a good .cow, The best of all gra'n foods for a ealf is bran. and although the standard feeding tables give rye bran a higher feeding value than wheat bean, the latter is considerably the better food. heat bran contairs more that three per cent. of sugar, and rye bran less than one per cent. Sugar, being wholly digestible and easily changed in.o vital beat, wheat bran is a good 1. d for young animals in the winter. At the ,..ittne price per pound R3 corn, it is worth twice as much, not only for its nitrogen, but for the phosphates it centaine, and which go to make ' up bone. This is the reason of its hig,11 value for feeding young stock, colts ainj pigs as well as calves. It is a safe food. No one ever hurt his animals by giving them too w,uch bran. It has every element ot bay and corn combined, but wh'le it is a good food it. oho • • be used judiciously. A calf six or eight months old will do well on two pounds daily of, it, which, costing only two cents, is very cheap feeding. The very best, of the hay should be reserved for the calves, and with bran it will cause the young things to grow steadily all the winter. "I WAS SUFFERING," Says S. S. Shewielt, of Kingsley, Man., ",'ow weakness and loss of appetite, with a severe headache, and could scarcely walk. My first bottle of Burdock Blood Bitte're enabled me to walk about. the house, and when I had taken the second bottle I found myself ent:rly cured. —John Case, a farmer of North Norwich, has beau arrested on a capias for seducing Nettie Rurtia, of the 17ownehip, under promise of marriage., Damages are placed at 82,000. The case will be tried at Woodstock. STUBBORN CHILDREN readily take Dr. Low's Worm Syrup. It pleases the child and ,destroys the OrL118. CONSUMPTION CURED. An old physieian, retired srolll practice, having had placed iu his halide by an East India missiana..y the formula of simple vegetable teutetly for the speedy and pertimumit cure of Consuniptien, Bromeltitis, Catarrh, Asthma and all throat and Lung affections, also a positive and radical mire for Nei yutis Debility nod all Nervous Cumplaiuts, after having ed its wonderful curative poiveis iu LII b - atlas of cases, has belt it his duty to 11181.0 it known to his stiGriug fellows. Actua- ted by this motive and a dei le to relieve human sufferiug. 1 will send tree of charge, to all who desire it, this recipe, in German, French or English, with full directions for plepaling and using. Sent by mail by addressing with SW In p, Doming this paper. W. A. NOY E8, 149 PGwer's Block, Ruches'ci Y. 507 eur. • —Jr. 13. Villey, of Midwey, Ky., writes try to keep my brood mares in good, strong, living order, but never allow them to become fat. My e:;perience 11115 taught Lie the, a foal from a mare very high in flesh, is nearly always very crooked and weak when dropped. My mares (before foaling) aro fed very little grain, ex• eept cloritig severe weather, then they are housed and given all the tin-qthy lay they will eat, also about foor quitri,s_o dean shelled oats, and three ears ocor», night and room- ing. A few days before foaling (if it is early in the seraon heiorelthe grass has started) 1 teed night and morn- ing, bran meshed with a little oats added, all thoroughly cooked. I am advocete of early foals, whe a Cie e is a good mol , but when the mare is young, or is known to be a poor euckier, I would rather she would not foal before the 15th of A pro.. Our grass is then generally sufficient to produce a good flow of milk, with the extra feed she should have. The foal should be encourag- ed to eat crashed cats as soon as possible. I like to see them stand by their mothers and eat like little horses long before weaning them. I alwsns wean the let of October. ,—A man naibede Munro, who died recently in England, has willed $260,000 to people in Maui toba, and an institution in Win peg city. as follows :—AVartlen Bedaon, of Stony Mountain Peni- tentiary, $100,000 ; Rev. Canon Matheson, $50,000 ; Mr. 'Vivian, lawyer, $50,000; St. John's College, $50,000. Munro was well known in this country, being quite an old settler in Winnipeg. While employed there M 1'0 was sent down for the It, having gone tilt ough a cash box. Shortly after his re, lease from gaol he was sent to the penitentiary at Stony Mountain to serve a term for forgery. He was released about a year ago and re- turned to England. His relatives will endeavor to set the will aside. QUICK TIME -48 HOURS. "I always use Hagyard's Pectoral Balsam f',r colds and it cannot be beaten. It has always cured ine within 48 boors, which no other medicine will do, and I always keep a bottle by me." These words frotn Chester Miller, LTeury, Ont., prove the efficacy of a popular prepara- tion. —Mrs. Thomas Ctottin, wife of a farmer living some three miles from Teeswater in n tit of insanity killed one of It er linaband's best Itor.:0; and then attempted to kill her child- ren, but was prevented by some neighbors, who chanced to be pass- ing at the tittle. The case is a very sad one and considered t r) be almost hopeless. Mrs Cronin is a young woman of rather prepossessing ap, pearanee and very highly thonght of in tho vicinity of her home. She was committed to the County Gaol - at Walkerton. Persons wishing to Improve their -memories or strengthen their power of attention should send to Prof. Loisette, 237 Fifth Ave., N, .Y., for his prospectus, post free, as advertise ed in another column. 541.41 ADVICE TO MOTHERII.—Are you dis- turbed at night and broken of your rest by a sick child suffering and crying with pain of Cutting Teeth? If so send at once and get a bottle of "Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup" for Children Teething Its value is incalculable. It will relieve the poor Mlle sufferer immediately. Do - pend upon it, mothers; there de no mis- take about it. It cures Dysentery and Diarrimea, regulates the Stomach and Bowels, cures Wind Colic, softens the Gums, reduces Inflammation, and -gives tone ana energy to the e bole system, "Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup" for children teething is pleasant to the taste and is the prescription of one of the oldest and hest female physicians and nursed in the United StAtes, and is for sale by all druggists thrgfilhont the world. Price 25c. a bottle. ate sure anclaskillbr "Mrs, inslow's Soothing Syrup," and take no 011 rr kind. AN UN vVELCOME GUEST. Disease in any oI its myriad forms is never welcome, and the end of its visit is always rejoiced at. Burdock Blood Bitters cure all diseases of: the stomach, liver, bowels and blood, giving life and hope with every dose. —Some crops require an ea 'iy start in order to get ahead of the weeds, and also to have more time for groWth. Among such are carrcts, parsnips and beets. Get the seed in the ground as early as possible, and keep the plants free from weeds in order to have them well under way before surntner. CONS UMPTION SURELY CURE. '1'0 THE EDITOR : Plitase inform your reatlere that I have a 'positive remedy for the above named disease. By its timely use thousands of hopeless cases have been permanently cured. 1 shall be glad to send two bottles of my remedy FREE to any of your readers who have consumption if they will send, tne their Express anti 9. 0. addreAs Respectfully, Dr. A. SLOCUM, 37 Yonge street, Toronto, Ont. •499y HOUSE PAINTING, GLAZING AND GRAINING, PLAIN RIM DECORATIVE PAPER MIND. HUMPHREYS' 'VETERINARY SPECIFICS For Ilorses, Cattle, Sheep, Dogs, 'logo, AND POULTRY. 000 Page Book on Treatment seAnimais and Chart bent Free. CuRES I Fevers. Congestions, Inflammation, Spinal Meningitis, Milk Fever. P .D.—strains, Lameness, Rheumatism. C.C.--D1stemper, Nasal Discharges. p.D...Bota or Grubs, Worms. .E...Coughs, Heaves, pneumonia. p.F..-Colic or Gripes, Bellyache. G AL—Miscarriage, Hemorrhages. 11.11...Urinary and Kidney D100a8011. II.L..Eruptive Diseases, Mange. .X.0 -Diseases of Digestion. Stable Case, with Speelflcs, Manual, Witch Hazel 011 and ?dedicator, M7.00 P rice, Single Bottle (over 50 doses), .611 Sold by Druggists; or Sent Prepaid anywhere and in any quantity on Receipt of Price. Humphreys' Med. Co., 109 Fulton St., N. Y. mull:plummy HOMEOPATHIC SPECIFIC Nom fi • 080 80 years. The oalitateeessfel remedy for Nervous Debility, Vital Weakness, sod Prostration, from nver-work or other onuses. lel per vlal,or 6 vials and large vial powder, for 10k SOLDBY DIIIIGGIBTS, °remit poetpald on reasiptor price.—Unniphreye Medicine Ce., 100 Welton at., N. T. WELLS az 111 C 11A RDSON CO., Agents, IUONTREA L. A WONDERFUL LAKE OSE WATER DOETH G000 LIKE A MEDICINE ,a7tiloM .9z4 Kalsomining AND FRESCOING. Shop Next Spooner's Hotel, Albei t Street `101NT, O1T.AEIO. CHAS. T.- SPOONER Ia.' TT IR, NEW STOCK NEW STORE ELLIOTT'S BLOCK, - CLINTON JOSEPH CHIDLEY, Dealer in Furniture. Call at the New Store and see the stock of Bedroom and Parlor Sets, Lounges, Sideboards, Chairs, Spring, .11‘)leastit nraiasisleusia ec ea7e ands! Ti'.'LtlarIelz?auniTeir ev °Idle se Stockrpti 181 .froni the Ye.). Jos. CHIDLEY, one door West of Dickson's Book Store. A Aflin.),?!.1,i0,:,,•..{,41' JOB PRINTING the 0 MO • THE ACKNOWLEDGED .11 Leading:: Conservat•ive 11 Paper OF THE COUNTY, H AS.,ONE OF THE ° X X Best Equipped Job •Rooms IN WESTERN ONTARIO. Y." 0 FiRest Joh Printing EXECUTED ON THE SHORTEST NOTICE. STOCKMEN would do well to Cr!! 00 THE NEWS REcoiw before placing their orders for Route Bills Pedigrees Folders, Cards, &e. COLORED PRINTING ! EQUAL (1N MANY CASES SUPERIOR) To CITY WORK, 0 BILL HEADS, NOTE HEADS, LETTER HEADS. Te Double Circulation 03X) Talks to Ttiousands. "ck • 0 111Advertiso T,phhAeN, wer-Record ONLYTIJE A DOUBLE CIRCULATION IN THESCOUNTY OF IIURON.