The Clinton New Era, 1887-08-19, Page 3• •
itI1POr, Alotr1V,4_1$8Z
.R 1MA1. ' -
If all. men would , pny as they go,
there would' he less going and wore
1pe�inge
Wife --.Now Old you ..have bought a
cow, who will Wilk. her'1 Husband -
0; he says the calf does that. So we
will have all the milk wo want.'
A mother was whipping"het' boy yes-
'
es -
y, and as she applied the mod she
�' ted. 'Will yon behave?' 'Yes,'
blubbered the boy, '1 will if you will.'
An agricultural paper has an article on
kicking cows, ti. man that is mean
enough to go around kicking cows with-
out any just provocation isn't toe good for
biting horses.
"How quick can a man wink?" asks
the scientific editor of the Philadelphia
Press. Well, he eaunot wink to the sod''
fountain clerk so quick but that his wife
. willscatch him at rt.
'The Yonkers Gazette says : 'It is
life fashion this summer for girls to rub
abeeka instead of kissing.' They will
soowgeat over that notion, for the boys
can't afford to shave every day.
`.-•lf'Iedieal-Professore--•What would y ou
dpi in ease you happened to discover
that there was still life in' a body that
you were dissecting?' Student — 'If
the life was very still, sir, I would. pro-
ceed.'
"Swiw? Not a bit, stranger, but I
reckon if ye'd drap me down in ther
middle of this byur river, I'd reaeh,thud.
'tbout much ditiikelty." •' Why; hots so?"
",Waal, I carcalate I'd go right to the
bottom."
A lady being questioned the other
day in court as to why she had chang-
ed her religion,said that she done so be-
cause being separated from her husband,
she detereriued to avoid meeting him
in the next world.
• Mr McFaddie—'Let me off at Mike -
town.' Conduotor—'We don't s op.
This is a through train.' kr McFaddie.
playse, sor, will yer stop long
enough fur me to tell Bridget that it's
carried through I am ?'
. Little boy Louie, one evening watching
a.severe thunder storm, in which the
.rheet lightning flashed almost continuous-
ly seemed very much interested and en-
tirely awed. Turning to his father, In
asked : " What makes the wind open ane
shot its eyes so fast P'
Somobodyssont a poem to a Western
journal beginning, 'Old friend, compan-
ion of my youth, abumper to the brim.'
But when the compositor tortured 'bump-
'er' into 'hummer', there was a roar in
the office, and tbe editor was obliged :o
carry crutches for two weeks.
Second husband, to wife: 'Are you
-`>'A fond of me as you wore°of your first
husband, dent 1' ° Wife : 'Yes indeed.
and if you were to die, John, I would b.
just as fond of my third. _. I am not
woman to marry for anything but love.'
An Iowa youth was holding his girl
on .his ,-knee during a thunderstorm.
' The lightning struck and killed the
youth, while the girl was left unharm-
ed. We hope this will teach tbe young
women that the safest place during ,,
' thunderstorm is in a fellow's lap.
When a young man takes his hest giro
'" ofit-for a summer sventng stroll and—Ai
- waits until she is opposite the ice crean.
'saloon before she remarks, 'Don't you
think it is too warm to go any further?
it is time for that young man to treat or
-tli ,ss'ssundying hate.
'Carpet' rybmes with no single word,
but some" bold poet dared to evade the
difficulty thus : 'Sweet maid of the
• inn, tis surely no sin, to toast such a
• beautiful bar .pet; believe me my dear,
- your feet would appear, at home on. a
nobleman'sLcarpe-t' - •
'Did- you tell your daughter that I
would give her ono half of my propel ty
if she. would marry me?' said a tick
old widower to the father of a sweet
sixteen. 'Yes, T' to d her.' 'What did
she say 'She said she would have
the ‘"hoieahog or none.'
A datkey being brought before the
magistrate 'was asked, 'Have you not.
been in jail once before for stealing
chickens?' 'No, sah; no indeed, I
paint. Praise de Laws! fol His infern-
it mussy, nobody )saint cotebed the yet.
It seems as of I wuz perfected by de
higher powers.'
There is said to be but acne lawyer in
Ii raven: How be managed to pass St
Peter is not positively known, but it is
conjectured that he passed 'himself off as
an editor and slipped in unexpectedly
When be was discovered the startled
angels searched the realms of felicity in
all their length and breadth for another
lawyer to draw up papers for his eject
ment, but they could rind none, of course,
and he held the tort.
THESE ARE OUR SENTIMENTS.—'Back•
ward, turn backward, 0 time in thy
flight, give us a frost again, just for to-
night; we are so weary of weather so hot,
the sweat it produces would fill a big pot;
weary of collars that wilt like a rag,
weary of toiling away for the swag. A
snow storm. or blizzard would go very
nice, put us on ice, some one, put us on
ice "
" I wish you'd make me an old-fashioned
cup of coffee," he said, as he sat dowq in
a Detroit restaurant the other day. " I
.will, sir. Want it after the fashion of
about thirty years ago, I suppose?" "Yes."
In a few minute&a cup was planed before
him, and he surveyed it, sniffed at it,
turned up bis nose, and asked, " What do
you call it ?" "An old-fashioned cup of
coffee, sir, such as our mothers used to
make. I got some Rio, burned it on the
shovel, pounded it in a rag, and it is
sweetened with molasses and dosed with
+r skimmed milk. Those good old times sr)
gond, sir, but the good old-fashioned cof-
fee can be made yet,"
"TOR > i*S.Pg.;av
Ic /.0 umazifrg 11ud n 4.0igtng'to:3e+a
how the battle to going on, elaewhre,
I•hi'ever before have the people of the•17,
V.
end tjte Domipto r, bees stirrer sill
thoroughly On the *Ad duty :ef suplirees•e
ing the vile tratiio. Read the following
extracts ; I
The State of Ohio now has two bun -1
dred towns free from liquor. Tbo tide
is rising higher evotyy day.
Since prohibition went into effct over I
3,000 mile's of railroads have been built
in the State of Kansas.
• The Illinois House has passed the bill
punishing ;rivers and takers of bribos,
drinks or presents for votes. •
There aro seventeen Y loon-l:eeye J in STRIPED and CHECKED GI NGHAMS
Topeka, Kan., but the aro all in til.
' Prohibition don't prohibit !'
owls
T,444,11
]C�e )INT1DEt►$00.1iQ.
OUR SPECIAL BARGAIN THIS WEEK • IS A LINE OF
RovDr W.R. Hunt ingten,pte flrjlsck r,,,,,,
•
the three T's—toil, thrift and' t/erit'liet-
attce—us•the best antidote for povevty.
Confort's Wine and Liquor. Circular
Says :—' Tho present prohibition wave
can no longer be sneered' at ;AS a wave of
fanaticism.
Tho Toledo 'Blade says : ' The rum
power tnust be pulvorized,and the steady
march of debauchery, rein and murder
shall be stopped.
Mr Powderly says : ' in ono Pennsyl-
vania county. in a single year $17,000,-
000 was spent for liquor, and $11,000,-
000 of the amount came from working-
men.
No liquor -seller will hereafter he re-
ceived into any Masonic lodge in Dako-
ta either by initiation or affiliation, the
G. and Lodge at Huron having just
adopted a resolution to that effect.
The brewers of Pennsylvania have
formed •sn association to fight prohibi-
tion, and in their call for a State Con-
vention say :—' Trade is phteed in such
a position that we must fight or. die.'
Prohibition has greatly diminished
crime in Atlanta, Georgia. Two weeks
were necessary formerly to get through
with the criminal docket. During the
',resent year it was closed out in two
days.
Hort. Geo. W. McCreary, of Kangas,
ex -Secretary of War, May 20, I887 :—
' The qne+tion of whether the saloon
shall continue to flourish, and to breed
poverty, crime and suffering,ter the
shield of the lawis one of vast mpor•t-
ll
ance, and one which can be settled only
by its entire overthrow and abolition.'
Gov. Martin,of Kansas'said, May 10,
1o87 :—' The saloon has been banished
tr..m this Stat, and each month reduces
the number of those who would by their
vote invite" it back. The good results
following the abolition of the s»loon in
Kansas at e now almos• univers .11yrerog-
rtized, and I do not believe that, out of
a voting population of 275,000, there
onld he found 75,000 men who would
reinstate it.'
NEVER WASHED THE1R. FACES.
In the P••ussian Chamber of Deputies
'Herr von Ziedemann made the horrify-
ing statement that in Posen he had met
with abt r Tomas er who was quite un ab'e
_to_rementher__w-ictal--he-had—washed glut=
self 1 s+s But itis a well known fact that
C, considerable number ofP,irisian ladies,
admired for their beauty, never wash
themselves at all. Face, neck • and
shoulders are carefully wiped every
morning with a dry towel and then rub-
bed with a fine ointment They then
appear in all the freshness of yonth,with
tints varying from a dazzling white to a
deep pink. Only once a year—generally
in autumn—the completion begins to
chow eracks-and wrinkles- Then the
beautiful lady disappears for a season.
All the visitors aro refused admission ;
madam is indisposed. A fortnight later
she emerges like a chrysalis,las beautiful
as ever. She -has undergone a transfer
matinn,a kind of moulting process,which
is kept a close secret from everybody ex-
cept her husband, who has to pay for it_
to the tune of 2,000 francs. Icer far-
famed beauty is the work of the email.
'mum, a personage quite familiar to the
Engli>h readers who are old enough to
renietnber the case of Mme. Rachel. I
Imo w several ladies who,25 or 30 years
ago, wore distinguished for their beauty
at the court of the late Emperor, and
whose youthful appearance is to day the
object of universal admiration. Of course,
this artificial crust effectually prevents
any facial expression of the lady's feel-
ings; she can only smile faintly with
her.lips,sbe is incapable of blushing and
remains crld and impassive like a
statute.---Vassische Zeitung.
IS THERE AN END.
I. there an enol to weariness in life
To all this ceaseless and tnmultuou+ Orife
That, from the very cradle to the grave,
Appalls the hearts of e'on the strong and
brave ?
Isthero an end to this anxiety
That haunts us hour by hour and will not flee
A e we made to mourn through day and night,
T, walk in shadow and never in the light?
fa there an end to losses and to pain?
And will there come a time when naught but
gain
Will follow all our unremitting toil,
And when no foo cause ne to recoil?
•
Is there an end to this du11; dtear, mode
Of life ? Or must our feet still press tbe rood
Loading through, places dangerous and dark,
Where scarce an eye discerns one shining mark
N ty, to not look for pprfeot ponce an 1 rest!
A Life of noble coufliot is the best ;
And chivalry will vein a brighter Drown
Than we could gain by casting ltnrdenn dOWn.
The' regular wholesale price of which was ten cents a yard. We got
there so that we can offer them at 8 cents. Also a line of
All Wool Dress Goods, .Checked, Navy
-• and Bronze. -
These are beautiful goods, worth at.least 25 cents a yard, we sell them at 14o.
,We have just opened a line of
—
Seo the nice BRAIDED JERSEY we offer for a $1.25.
.In the Grocer*yy bopartment we have
seenro.d a fin; flavored, .raglan 'YEA
Deist, 10 p<otirtdts for $111.
W.
. OUIIi2ETTE,
LIONDESBORO
BOYNTON'S
CHAMPION ;; \VOOD
ETJ RNLI A,_
The latest and most Powerful Wool Furnace in the Dominion.
Deep Ash ,Bob, Sectional Grate, Large Fire Door, Large.
Radiator, • very Heayy_ancLlJur&ble— w-i-th-aa11 the Lat-est Im-
provements. ' Especially adapted for large Dwellings, Churches
and Schools.
s; .—
I
SIGN OF TFIE PADLOCK, CLINTON.
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL GRD Eft
c ,
We beg most respectfully to direct the attention of the public in general, that we
aro still selling groceries at the lowest possible prices for pure goods. During•the
five years. we have been in business in Clinton; wo have endeavorbd to keep the
best goods in the market, and have established a good trade by so doing. Our
stock is large and well selected.
TEAS A SPECIALTY
A. tense QUANTITY JUST AI;t;I1'I:u. - ESPRA VALUE AND ANY QUANTITY Or
CANDIED GOODS, CROCKERY. GLASSWARE, &C
SOLE AGEN'r FOR NEW ERA BAKING POWDER. HIGHEST PRICE PATO
FUR GOOD BUTTER AND EGGS. WE BUY ANY QUANTITY OF ALL KINDS GOOD FRUIT
X
A.. A_1\ --CTs, 99 3iR Tll LST
Change of Business
Ilrttrtlrtrtrrr nett ctrl rlrtrtttlltt
Tho undersigned begs to notify the people of Clinton and vicinity that he has bought the
HARNESS BUSINESS formerly carried on by W. L Newton,
And that he is prepared to furnish
Harness, Collars, Whips, Trunks, Valises, Buffalo Robes, Blankets.
Aird everything usually kept in a first.class Harness Shop, at the lowest prices. Specie
attention is directed to my stock of LIGHT HartNESS, which I will make a specialty.
REPAIRING PROMPTLY ATTENDED TQ.
By it'sict atantion t3 business, and carefully studying the wants of my customers, I hope to
meal; a fair share of patronage. Give mo a call before purchasing elsewhere,
REMEMBER TIIe, ST,' ID—OPPOSITE THE MARKET
C-3930. . .Lac S' AIR,m 1
During juIyj , gurt
10 per cent Discount for C
Li$14 off everything in ,stock.= -
FOR
L&DIES', MOSES' Ic OBIZL1iE1T'S ITSEt EGOS tIi'A KEN IN EX OI [A NOE,
!PUY IIx.
Call on 'C. Cruickshank, the Boot Maker
ALBERT STREET, BRICK BLOCK, CLINTON Maker,
ALBERT .
The Colehriticd A11,6-11111SRICIICLES
THE BEST IN USE
B. LAURANCE'S Spectacles and Eyeglasses at Cost.2f
CALEDONIA MINERAL WATER Aerated
4040b1111311 -T...
CHEMIST AND DRUGGIST. CLINTON, ONT.
Any quantity of Good Clo'ver and
Timothy Seeds wanted Highest
price paid.
•
N. ROBSON. - CHINA HALL.
t„ fi"4`
Sa
.w rs.: ••a`•, ,cw�r :�..,c:
ST. THOMAS
WEI rzi Mount Co.,
t"^ ST. THOMAS, ONTARIO.
•`'l, `Ulie Only Bronze Foundry
4'4,2",,14.
aq go,, .
Oar material is endorsed by leading soibak-
Lists as being practically imperishable. Pe
cannot.abaor.h_m.oisture,..and- consequently -
is not affected by the frost..
–PI 409
Qe .
•
in the Dominion.
Send for Designs and Terms to
W. GI -11
1' T'I11T,
y!.
r s ' . CLZ '� ®N.• •
IMPORTED Direct
From Liverpool..
Y
10 CAR LOADS OF GOODS, COMPRISING iVL''RYTHING IN 'L'di ,
HARDWARE LINE, SUCIT AS •
Canada Plate, 'T`in P ate • Vindo'w
Gla ser, Gr -a 1v:I.nized Iron ' Are.. and
Nails from Montreal.
\VE HAVE ALSO :1, LARGE STOOK OF
I-TarveSt• rroo15, :doves, Lafapt ,, 'Tin-
ware, Shelf Hardware, aintt , E -ar'.
(lett Wools, Are., Size.
Agent for theCelebrated Barris Hot Alrfurnaee
•
S. IIA- vI , - - € ii4I N'I`0 'a
THE MAMMOTH HARDWA RE AND S COVE ROUSE.
Central Grocery,
P. R,0:813's Old Stand.
The subscriber has bought out the Stock of P. Robb, consisting of
GROCERIES, CROCKERY, GLASSWARE, &V.
Which, being bought at low rates, he is enabled to offer at the very closed prdbe,'
Patronage respectfully solicited. All orders promptly filled. Rooes.to leb.
• H. R. WALKER, CLINTON. NTON.