HomeMy WebLinkAboutHuron Record, 1881-08-26, Page 7e
WIT AND
Many students burn midnight oil,
but do very little midnight toil.
A Brooxl'yn young elan calls his
sweetheart's' Silence " because: when he
goes to kiss her, she gives consent,
Mother ---“Now, Gerty, be a good
girl, and give Autlt. Julia a kissand
say good night." Gerty-"No, sol If
I kiss her, she'll box wy ears, like, she
did papa's last night." Curtain drops.
Standing ,jokesare common enough
but sitting ones edit. We only heard
of olio --the young pian who sat on his
sweetheart's new bonnet and sang, "I'm
sitting on the style, Mary'?''
"What shall I tell people who ask
whether you are engaged 3" asked u
young lady at the dinner table of a
somewhat eccentric theological student
at Andover. "Tell them you don't
know," was the reply.
Mistress --"Colne, Bridget, liow much
longer are you going to be tilling that
pepper box `t•" Bridget(a fresh impor-
tation from where they don't use pep-
per castors). --'4 Shure, nla'ain, an' it's
uleself can't say hose long it's. oe takin''
me to get all this stuff in the thing
through the little• holes in the top."
.A poet prays," 0 that my dream may
collie true 1" We infer that he did'nt
dream that he was seized by a giant
fourteen feet tall, and thrown over a
three-story house; landing on 'the point
of a red-hot skewer which impaled him
tto the earth, while seven imps of dark-
ness gouged his eyes out 'cone by one."
Persons have_ such dreams, we've ..teen
told. We've bad dreanis ourself that..i
we wouldn't have come true for two
-dollar s and a half in gold.. '
Young man be happy --hoot, holler,
skip, gambol and snap yeour fingers at•
he 'nightmare of a new overcoat for
for next winter. Last winter a Canad-
ian genius shivered awhile and then.re-
fleeted awhile, and the . result was the.
purchase of a. box of mustard plasters.
These were distributed around.'QU his
frame where they would do the most.
good, and while men in beaver over..
•coats shivered with cold, hewvas warm
and happy iu his shirtsleeves:- .One
dollar takes you thro_ ugh a hard• winter
andy oucoine out in spring, •fat.'
. nr
Latin.
A good story is told.of an old. fanner
whose,son had,for a long, time been os-
tensibly studying Latah in a popular_'
.academy. The farmer not being'satis-
fed witlLthe Bourse and conduct of the
young hopeful', recalled him from sebool•
and placing hintby the side 'of'a cart
one day, thus addresred hint -' Now.
Joseph, here is a fork and here- is• a
heap of manure and cart, what'doyou
call them in Latin 7" '" orkibus,' cart-,
ibus et manuribus,"said Joseph: "Well'
now," said the old man," if you don't
take tbat-^'fork bus • pretty gitiekibus
and pitch that ,nnureibus , into- that
cartibus, I'll break_ your baetilbus;".:
Joseph went to,werkibus forthwithibus.
She• Served ,o* llis I3iittoliis•
Old Glummer, is fisted Sev-
eral days ago be said to his .wife ;
"Maria, I want you to look over that
broadcloth vest of Maine and put new
buttons on it, 'cease ' I'ni going
to a card party to -night."
"But, Ely," answered Mr's. Plummer*
"I haven't anv buttons to .match that'
vest,. and-" '
"Thunder 1"'broke *Plummer, "the
idea of a woman kpepilig house as long
as you haae,.and pretendiu'. to ,be out
of buttons. By George, 1' 'wohldrl't be
surprised to hear you ask •uje for.n on-
ey to .buy 'em with next.
That evening Plummer hurried
through with his supper and began ar-
raying himself: for the card ,party.
Presently -he called :for ,the .broadcloth
• vest, and Mrs. B 'avit'h marvellous
promptitude handed it to him. He
took it, hastily. unfolded it' and then
his eye took•in its complete appearance,
he stood as one transfixed. It. was a
six button vest, and tiler• Ulan observed
that the first, or top one, was a. tiny
pearl shirt button, .and that .the next
one was a brass artily overcoat button,
with U. S. gleaning upon it, and that
number three was an oxydised silver
affair, and that nuniber four was a horn
button; evidently from tlao'baok of one
of the Puritan father's cows; and• then
comes, ,suspender button,.and thea as
the dazed eyes of old din tiler roadied
the bottotn button, a poker chip, found
in Bluu,mer's pocket, with two holes
punched through it -he gave' a snort
that made the chandelier.jingle. There
is, after All, a fine :cast of humor about
,Bluun ser, and he laughed till he cried.
And there •Wont he any button money'
grudged in that household hereafter.
Burdock t3lood Bitters cures all dis-
.ease's of the blood, liver and kidneys,.
female complaint:;, nervous and general
debility, and builds op the entice sys-
tem when broken down by disease,
Improvements are constantly being
made In ithe manufacture of steel pens.
Esterbrook's are of superior excellence.
For sale by.all stationers.
If SO you can testify to its marvellous
powers of haling and recommend•it to
your friends.. We refer to Dr. Fow-
ler's Extract of Wild. Strawberry, the
grand specific for all summer com-
plaints, diarrhoea, cholera morbus,
dysentery, cramps, cholic, sickness of
the stomach and bowel complaints of
infants or adults, ' Let its merits be
known to all who have notarised it.
THE HURON RECORD
la' PuBLIsluRn
Every Friday Morning,
At the office, Victoria Block, (near the Pest edict)
CLINTON, ONTARIO, . •
E. BLOODY, PROP.
TEAMS. -..Tail Raman will be sdnt to subseribere
(Restage free) for 81.25 if paid in advance • 81,50 if
paid in 6 months , $2.00 if pard at the end of the year.
No paper discontinued till all arrears are paid.
RATES ',OP ADVERTISING,. -..1st insertion, per
line, Se.; each subsequent insertion, 2e., Professional
Cards, not exceeding six lines, 84,00 per annum..
Oral' Advertisements without specific directions wili
be inserted until forbid, and, ;Merged accordingly.
Of Our rates for yearly 4ontracts will bo made
•k,aott•n on application, ut the office.
descripOB tion nI exec t i Booki11neatd ness Printing
n jldespat every
qq
the shortest possible notice. Order by mail prompt-
ly attended to. Charges moderate,
CIiVRCH DIREC'T'ORY..
Canada' Methodist.-Sertiecsat 1030 a,; m, and
6.30 p. M. Sabbath School at 2.30 p. • in. Dar. • {1:n.
lifeDoRAou, Pastor, • ,
Canada Presbyterian. -Services at 11 a.nt. and 6.30
p. tit. Sabbath School, 2.30 p. m. ItRv. ALgx. 3rsw;
ART, Pastor.
St. Paul's (Episcopal). -Services at 11 a. In., and •7
p. m. Sabbath School and Bible Class, 3 p. m. Est',
• W Came, Bector. •
Bible Christian. -Services at 10.30 .e. In. and 6.80
p. it. Sabbath School, 2.20 p. ni: t1 v. It. Ti,o�tt,as,
13ttptist Church. -Service at 10.80 alit, and 4.80 p.m.
Sabbath School, 2.30 0. nb It }^. J. GRAY, Plato*.
TRAVELLING GUIDE.
Grand Trunk
•
EAST: .
. Paso
C.oderleb..Ly 7.00a m.
Rolnutsr 11e 7.20,
Clinton 7.30 "
Seaforth '7.50 "�
Dublin .. 8.03 "
Mitchell 8.15 "
Sebringvllle . 8.85
Stratford..ArS.45 "
•
Erps. Mixed, hfixed,
.12.05p m..8:15 p itt .. 9.00 a't
12.'30 ".3.50 "0.40 '
.....12.45 -._4.15 "...10.00 "..i
. 1.10 " ..4.45 "" 10.50 "
. 1.80 " -5.10 " 11.25
• 1.45 " 5:35 " 11.55 "
. 2:05 " .0.10 52.350 ))
. 2.15 " ..6 30 " 1.00 "
WEST'.
•
Ex41s. Mixon bfiked,.
.7.50 11 at .7.00ain8.45.iite
.8.05 7.30 " 4,10 "
8.25 " ,8.15 " ,4.4s "
.8.40 " ^8.45 "
. 5.10 i
3 > 9,ir,•r.ae "
:
915 " 10.00' 6.15 "
9, 25. 10,20 ' 6.35 "
9,59 " 11 00 " 715 "
Pass
Stratford Lv 1:20 p m.
Sebringrallo , L30 '
Mitchell , I.45 "
Dtibiln 2.00 "
Seafortlt -,.:2.17 ". •,
Clinton 2.40
ilolmeevellc 2.50 '
Godoriell .Ar3.15 '
Great. Western.
NORTIi. '
Express. Mail. Express
Landon. :7.40 ant,.. 2.20' p 0.•25plit
Hyde .'ark ". 7.50, 2.30. " 0,35 "
Ettrick.': 6.44 _" •
Merton '... 8.05 'rn 49 "r :0 52' •
Broron . • 8.15 .. .3 .09 '' ,.7.03 '
Claadeboye.. 8.20 " .. 311 ".• 7.14 •"'
Centralia 8.40 " . 3;25:
Exeter. 8.52 ". .338• ' "` .7.4,0 " t.
ILippen' :. 9.11 ....8 57 " ...7.53 '
Brncefiold 0.21 .,4.or ,"4 $08
Clinton. '9.39 " ...4.23 " „8.25 '
Londrsbor0ugh 9.58 " 4 41 "845 "
Blyth.: 10.011 450' a' 8 62
ilelgravo ,.10.24 ,5,00 " ,.9:09 "
W hrglttim , - .�A;45 " , , , 5,23 ." .9.25
SOIJTII
•
Express. Mail. • Express
wmgltant 700 a m..;, 2 i.5 p. in....0 20 p nt
Beigravo 718 " .., 37.3 " ..0:18. "
Birth., .. ' 7 35 " ....8 28 '4 6 55 ta..
Londesborough 7 44 " ,..,y 30 " .7 04 !' . •
Clinton. . 8 02 " - , 8 54 . �' .,,' 7 24 "
Bruceflold . 8 20 ' ....4 07 " .,7 43
'tippet' .: 8'30 " .. 4' 15 " ' ..:.759
Housalk. 830 " .,. 420 " ....8 00
Exeter 8,51 ...4 82 ".8 28
Central la ' 9 0't ,4 42 .. .8 42 e
Clanclebot a 910 'r .. 4 54 " .9 02
Brecon . 9 27 .. 5 04 " ,.918
lldurton .. 9'08 ' :.,,513 ''
Ettrick,, 9 4c: "
IlydePark;.' 956 "" 526 " ,. 1000'"
London 10 05 " „:5 85 ' .. 10 "L
t(
u
CC
CC
MYTH SAW .MILL:
GOS1�MAN & DOD:DS
Are now prepared to do all kinds of work in 'tii$ir
lino. Dating. put a grain crusher, wo tiro able'
to do chopping, at any time and on the shortest notice
• OOSMAN s DODDS.
Myth bee 17 ,1880. 424f.,
Ears for.: the Million!
Foo •.;.tot's Rals.tn, of Shark's
P091t'ively Pestore'3 the Hearing, and is
the Only Absolute Cure for Deafness
iY
This
Tx til is Snmta, ealrk ilii ti tint theeYellow cGy known s of iill
as
Careliftro•knows it daIt11virtues as a. restoratl einese of hetu ng wore
Tiseoi•t•reit8,y a 10iddliist l'riestitbout the'year 1410.
Its cures Were so numerous and MASS 80. HstiMllai.y.
)IutACCLona that Elie remedy was officially proclaimed
over the entire Empire. Its use became so universal
that for Ovim 300 1.23119 50 1)liAnx$89 11118' YX19•etlt)
AA108o'rttr 00181812 Lco1Lii. Sent, charges prepaid, to
•any address, at 91 per bottle,
Only Itulorted.l)y
• 915iaAettxT9t+OltHAVLOCK &-cO.
AMERICA. , j. 7 Ds,' St., New York
Its
virtues
are trng4tcsliennbie and its citral%ue rials.
aefer absolute, its the n'l ilcr carr. peres, ally 'lesf.fy,
both frons experienca'and nbseevation.
Among tho minty readers of the Bovlen' In one part
and another of the oot•ntry, it is probable that num.
hers aro affeted with deafness, and to spelt it may be
said l "Write at time. to Ili} lock & Co., 7 De). Street,
Ncv York, unclosing :rl. and yon will receive by ro•
turn a remedy that will enable you to hear like any,
body else, and w1.. • o enrath c effects will he permit.
neat. You will nevt.t• regret doing so." ---hellion of
Nee York Mercanlil4 l:errow) ,Sot, .3 23804
VALUABLE
Village Lets for Bale
IN BLYTH,
1. Part of I.ot No. 3, Block '0A," Queen Street Me-
Couuelib survey, This lot is in the centre of the
bnsinoes part of the Town, and has frontage enough
for throe otoros
2. Part Nos. Ttto'and Three, Queen Street, Drum.
tnond's survey «-v ct•y. conveniently situated.
8. Lots Nos, 41 and 12, Block " C," McOonnell's sur.
vey--very suitable, on Welt to area private real.
deuces..
TERMS EASY,.
For, further particulars, apply to
or to the C. FLO017', Blyth.
RECOED OFFICE, Clinton
$1,000 FORFEIT
Immix Canker Cure Depot,
Cgatieook, P, Q„ Canada, T'
ANGER CURE
' without the use of the Knife.
The only Permanent Cure in the World.
nor particulars 01101080 two 8 cent stamps to S. C..
SMITE, Coaticoolc, P. Q., Canada.
4127' Highest references.
CURES. SWIFT AND' CERTAIN.
Any paper can publish the above for 85 a year, with
this note and paper regularly.
-^AND
'onProperlics
FOR SALE.
GOOD BARGAINS
'•I That first-class Farm on the Huron Road, near
1.• Harpnrhey,Lott 433, i" the first concession of
McKillop, 101 acres, 00 cleared) adjoining the pro-
perty of L. Meyer, Esq. Log antis Frame House,.large
Darn,Frame Orchard,
sitlr. iM.
v')aYHuoIoad.Tucherrih__ortothe
undersigned,
. Q Lot. 28, in the. Twelfth conoc5siou 01 Ooticrich
Township,
oiwar bto-80 T1deretedltalanceelltimered Frame house an
stable, \fell. Suited for a dairy or grazing farts:' Only
8200 required down; or would be exchanged for Town
Property, Apply. to Mr, E. MOCNTC,I.STLE, Blyth,.
or to the undersigned .
• 0 The valuable Hotel property on t:ictoria Street,
',) . Clinton, known as 1 ant's lfbtol,. DM oecnpied
by Mr. Georgy Knox, comprising a. large hotel build-
ing driving sheti,-four eltoie° Town lots, Sze. . '
• atThat clegairt twostory tramp dwelling -house on
. llnrotl Street, Clinton,' formerly: held by .1.•C,
hiller, now•occ;ntr;d by Mr, John'P. Martin
The comfertoble frame cottaljo'on ,North Street,
l. which belonged to the 'late Jolstt Pugh, now oc.
cupied-by 11r, John bailey With two i•,rgu'.lots,.good
garden, lc. -near 0118 Flax Mill. ;
•
p The good emote cottage sarm large .lot No. 903,
0. on Erie Street; Clinton. Thelot: la.nearthe
,Iunctit4n of the two railways,- and may hereafter be
t'uluabieas' a•factorysite •
•fr Also other lots and buildings' for sale. Apply
to• •
H. HALE,
Clinton, April 11,.1851: • IIurwt St., Clinton •
tJohn nth,
MERCHANT TAI LLOR•
o...
ANI)
General Outfitter,
(Carson's Bloch,);
LINTON.
Clinton .Marble Works
•HURON STREET1 CLINTON. •
!N y
CAV Pi R,• dr
M,tnufacttirer.of and dealer ire all kinds of
Marble & Granite for Cemetery
Work, at figures that defy competition; .
Also 'nlaliiifitctnrer .orthe Celebrated
Atirn'rc1.OL 'STONE for 131aling pur-
poses and Cemetery' Work, which must
be :wen to be appreciated, -A11 work
warranted to give •futtlylaction. -
Harness, Light,
• "AND--.
Harness . Meavg',
Can always be had at tlie•LOYEST
RATES, at • ,
NEWTON '8c .DENNIS!.
• also si.Large:Stock of )
C�r17a
6
8by SCS
'which will bo sold_OBEAP.
We are giving Sprit bargains iu
Trunks and. Valises. Our stock is very
muchel i
larged this Spring, in all'tlie
above lines. All we ask is for the pub
lie tit •call - and inspect our stock and be
convinced that we are selling cheaper
than ever before known. We have al-
ways made Light Harness •a s ecialt
and warrant all Collars.. specialty,
' NEWTON & DENNIS.
CLINTpN'
Jai'iage Works.
QAHTELQN,
AtANprareenu ,
PROPRIETOR,
, Qt'
BUGGIES, GUTTERS, WAGONS, SLEIGHS, &C.
`•.TYIIMRER AND' SI3INGLES taken in exchange: Give are 'a call and 1 will give
yon ptiues that cannot be• beaten in the County, Repairing and llorseslloeing done
with despatch,
IT. CANTELON.
FOSTER
PHOTOGRAPHER,
Beaver Block, ' Clinton.
lJ._J
FINEST FlNISH°! LATEST STYLES
•FURNITURE��
, .hURNL�T'UR�..,
Clinton Furniture .Ware -Rooms, No. 77 Brick Brock.
Owing to the increase of business during tate past fear, •
B 0.:A_,SJP00T Rte- 3E3 ` `
• Ifa ve takenouta new lease of No. 77, and. will continue to do business as
We have on finish at the present time as fine a stack' of Furniture
Which we will 74 isni ra ftttt exhibition on in this Town,
l e at n�ygry S\1AhL ADY"iltfa: ON As we manufacture -all"
ziounce n t Dods, we are pre
pared to give our.CustomersT3ETTEILGCODS,for LESS MONEY than can be;obtaivad eisew9tera
ALL GOODS . WARRANTED.
P. ROR13, Manager . ' • ' ' A: BENNETT, Saiesivan •
447' Don't miss the place -No, 77 Brick Bleak:' . , • , •
•
TEA o
S • TEAS � • .. '�'-Et.A1rS •
GREAT 'REIUCTIOi S IN TEAS.
Neuer Such :Good, value as at the Present rime.
News season, £tall t1 is or, Young Hyson, 50 cents,
• '•Ne.w season, Sprit g Leaf Japan, (gay picking) 60 cents
New Season, Black Tett (Uoiii,eu) 56 cents.
New se.,son, Fin liwll• l3rettl:,fttst, 60 cents: •
New season SougI;ing, Congos, Grange Pekoe, Yenatai; Asshui, runless. •
New' stock just Received, and put up in 4' Ib. C'add es;;atCity Prices' Liberal dis-
count ..
to dealers. ' •
S. PALLISER & CO 99 BRICK. BLOCK, CLINTON.
1'itlhser, T:1Vhite.
To alio Electors of , .the County of Huron
TWITOHELL'S HARNESS . DEPOT
iy the best and cheapest place in the county to bdy. your- : •
LIGHT AND ..HEAVY. HARNESS
Whips, Trunks, Valises. .&c.
GREAT BARGAINS. 1N ;3QOrTS, AND SHOES
wo hivft0 stmt bispeetion andvery cordr)113 solicit y0ur lotion deo•
'T.tMES 'MITCHELL, ' fittoriaRlock, ' Clinton,- Ontario,
•
WATTS & CO.,
CHEMISTS AND ' DRUGGISTS
. y
.1fO'V'TREAL TELEGRAPH OFFICE,
ALBERT. S4TR. E E T, C L I' N T ON , O N;T. ,
---DEALERS IN
Pure prays, Dye Stuffs, Perfumery, Genuine Patent Medicines,
Horse and'
:Cattle Medicines, and all Articles Generally sold by. Drilggists.•;
•
PRESCRIPTrONSA1 D FAMILY'RECIPES CAREFULLY BBEPARED.
Agents for Harris' Glove Cleaner.
FOR
The ulidersiglietl has on hluid a quantity
of
First
Ia
C ssHI
CN
which' he will sell very reasonable for
Gllsh. -
W.
. • E. GRAHAM
Contractor a,id builder.
CLINliON
Pump-Fa.�to-r
111E undersigned begs to. Announce to tin Ninon.
' tants of Chir )u and surrounding Townships that
ho has lt1 1 t'['T1:P the above 'establishment, and, i>
hots prepared to manufacture all kinds,ot
Well and Wilt.fin Pumps,
t8STl:lttis and TANKS, .en the shortest, poss111
notice. Having err hand 'It t cry heavy stork, a°o art
conllderrt of giving goad' snt'afaction In avary:.ea.... •
CHAII0,s8 ylO1)F.RATI:, Orders by mail promptly
attended to, 42f1' Void peal:we;ie solicited.
JOHN ROSS.