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HomeMy WebLinkAboutHuron Record, 1881-08-12, Page 8• . COMMUNICATIONS. We wish It to hedistinctly understood that we do not hold ourselves responsible for the opinions oxpressed by ow correspondents. Moonshine," To the Tnhabitantq of the Tozon. of ton. MOST SERENE TQwNSPOLK„ — Al- thougti we have for some tinge been sojourners upon this sublimaryplanet, and haye withal so successfully carried ou. our most exalted profession, it oc- curs to us, as..a fraternity, and as: indi- vidual members of that fraternity, that the praiseworthy object and suc- cessful operation of our society are alike comparatively unknown` "and under -estimated.. If you will therefore bear with us, Mr. Editor, we will most ,cheerfully - as behoovesus. on this so opportune an occasion- =gladly impart whatever in- formation is in our possession to the denizens of this, so sublimely ,self -con- tented town, and reveal to their won- daring eyes the internal workings of an order, heretofore most singularly, and unaccountably unnoticed and ig noted. Be it known into you, therefore oh Clintbniaiis,, that His most Serene High- ness- the " man in the moon," 'having, upon a- certain occasion, become very much angered' and enraged at sundry of his most worthy subjects—of whom,. till recently we have had the honor to form a distinguished part—did, there= upon,, most rashly even by means of physical force itself, suddenly oust us from off •this eheerful planet into the airy realms of space, whereupon we. immediately became deprivedof our senses—which unfortunately, we have not succeeded in recovering, up to the present time. What happened More- over during our excursion in mid-air we are entirely. unable to recall, suffice it to say that on .feeling a slight jar, we did most expeditiously gather our- selves together; and assuming the cos- tume of this sphere; thereupon tied up our tails,. knowing these useful .appen- • doges to be held in considerable disre- pute among you. Rapidly acquiring, thereafter, that, portion of your most awkward language, necessary to . the Successful pursuit of our profession, we did thereupon most ,industriously en- gage therein, feeling that we were cone'; ferning a boon, not only upon this com- placent corporations but'Upon your en- tire planet itself. .Moreover' the prove to the skeptical among you the ,worth. ness of our order and the 'quicker"ex plain the internal workings thereof we'have resolved to nobly unbosom pug: Modus. operainda " by revealing• in totd ' our dignified and en-nobling coxsrITUTION, This society shall be .named, " The Order of Lunies`",.—members being re-. quired to designate each'other "Lunies" this being also the standing salutation. 2. The object of this society .shall`be pre-eminently to:Eake .nates=especially on the day called theSabbathday—of the. kinds ofgarments worn en'. this planet. (in .the case of this seciety,more,.par ..ticularly in the town of Clinton) .by both sexes, old and young. Each mem- her is hound .to promptly obtain pos session:of serine conspicuous stand point (street cornersarid church entrances are especially. 'recommended) and take ac- curate mental;; notes on who „passes, whatthey wear, and which Way they • aregoing (members :for this'latter pur- pose are provided` with a pocket corn - pass); It shall furthermore .be the duty Of each. member of thia Most august -fraternity to keep up,a con- stant spitting, -giggling and .gabbing, more especially when a lady or: ,gentle- man is passing," and on no account are. the niembersto be backward in insult- ing ladies—as it must be constantly borne in mind. by each member, that he, 'is a luny, and not a native of this ob- late . spheroid: This consideration should banish all squeamishiiess, Con- cerning delicacy of action, thought or feeling on the park of members.: 3. NO member will be. allowed :to grow a beard or moustache, as these will seriously interfere with suc- cessful spitting. Eaoh member is also .required.to.furnish himself with a fop- pish air, a large brass pin and•a still larger cane. 4. Should any .sublimary mortal at- tempt to reprove any member of this utost'stipreme order, he is thereupon re- quired to most promptly' retaliate liy the use of oaths, smut and, slang—con ... cerning which it is especially important and essential •to the welfare of the so- ciety, that -every •member be . an adept thereat. 'It is further recommended in this connection, that each member.• spend sonic hours daily, inthoroughly acquainting himself with the use of cur- rent oaths, smut, and slangy words or phrases, Prizes will be occasionally .awarded to the best and most scientilio BpiEters, swearers, anict slang -stingers. 5; There "Shall be but no officer el• • ected weeklyviz a "corner captain" whose duty it shall be to station, in- struct and generally supervise the sev- eral gangs under bis control. The qualifications for this office are, that he chew tobacco in thirteen' different lan- guages and be able to completely out- stare and insult fifteen ladies in fifteen seconds. All of which is humbly submitted. oh I most sedate Clintonian with the earnest hope that the future shall not be permitted to behold the indifference that has characterised the past in re- lation to the innermost workings of the " Order of Lunies," "ONE or OURSELVES." P, -B; --The reason that we almost invariably stand, while in the perform - mice of our duties, arises from a fond regard for our tails, which necessarily more or less interfere with successful sitting. Ireland. Editor Huron Record. A Trip on the Georgian Boy. •(Contiuu i Last wsr k.) Leaving Owen Sound at 12 o'clock, noon, on the 2nd inst., on that beauti- ful, large side -wheeled steamer, The „Frances Smith we were •favored with beautiful weather. 120 passengers, a large amount of freight, 100 headof cattle, and aboutn50 head of sheep,, comprised the cargo, the greater num- ber of the passengers and all the live stook being for Manitoba., There was nothing,. particularly attractive in the trip until we reached the first stopping place—Killarney. This is a small vil- lage on the main land, containing about. 250 inhabitants, principally Indians and Half-breeds, who gain their liveli hood by means of fishing. This is said to be the best fishing • ground in the Georgian Bay. It is in the Parry Sound District and is about 120 miles from Owen Sound. Leaving here at 5 a. in., on the 3rd inst., we were well pleased with the seenery, which attrac- ted our notice, A large cliff of rock for miles along the main land,. on one side, and a number of islands on the other, varying from 40 rods to two miles in Length. The next place we called at,. was Little Current, a shall village situated on the Grand Manitoul- in Island and containing 3 stores, 2 hotels, a large sawmill and about a dozen other buildings. The island is very picturesque and has some beauti- -ful-scenery along its banks. • It is 100 miles long and averages about 30 in 'width. Some parts of it appear to be well settled, and the crop looks well. The farmers seem to be well-to-do, hav- ing everything snug and comfortable. and all the buildings principally frame, There is still a large quantity of land for sale en the island yet at 50 cents per acre to actual settlers. The Crown Land office is on the island and every inducement is given to settlers., We left Little Current about 8 o'clock and steered our course for the Bruce Mines, which.is about 135 miles farther up. For' about 25 miles, the scenery was grand while passing along between the different islands. There are a hundred of them between. all shapes and sizes, some of them great bold rocks 80 feet above_ the water, • others having beauti- ful woods and others prairies on them. After this we got into a largesheet of open water end no land was to be seen for three hours., However, the sailing was smooth,. the day delightful and our excellent steamer was making about 13 Miles an hour: As' we camp near. the •Mines,' we passed several beautifui islands.. We. met the steamer Ontario, of •the. Beatty Line, on. her downaral trip, 'and arrived at Bruce Mines at '6 o'clock p. m. I will give you an ac- count. of the land in, this` .locality next. Week. SIB.—To give a narrative of. the wrongs, injustice, tyranny and oppres- sion. of the Emerald Isle for centuries, would be work. for the historian, and however faithfully he might have per- formed the task, it would give a very faint idea of the sad disfEess_.and mis- ery prevailing in that misgoverned country. The famine that swept over. Ireland in the years,1845, '46 and '47 created the greatest sympathy, and ship= loads of provisions were sent from the United States America and money and help were sent from every known quarter of the globe, -when in. reality there was no famine at all: True the potato crops failed, which was the prin- cipal food of tie peasants. No other crops failed, and ' grain,' meat, cheese butter were.•cartedfor exportation along roads lined with the starving and past trenches where the dead layin hun- ,dreds. They died on the roads, fields, mountains, glens, they died at relief work andin the houses, so that whole streets were left desolate, despairing of help. In the country, they crawled into town and died: at the doors of the :resi- dents. For these exports of food there was no return as far . as the public were concerned,: they . might . as well have been thrown intothe sea, • They went not as an exchange but as tri.: bute to pay absentee landlords. It is difficultfor elle who. has been acquainted with Irish• history and' per- sonal. ovservation-to_.kriow'of . anything Vetter calculated to . make the.blood boil :than the heartburning' accouts up to the,. present day of •'the • grasping grincling tyranny to which the. Irish people have been subjected. ' I would ask in the name of hunianity,-n6 matter what creed, or color, 'how ;:could there fail to be pauperism :'and .famine'ina 'country where rents; taxes, county cess and poor rates twisted' from . the culti- vator of the soil,all the produce of his labor except just enough to 'maintain life in good seasons, where the tenant dare•not accumulate property even 1f he `.could da so, for fear the landlord would raise his rent, where in fact•he: was -an abject slave, who at the nod of a hernan being .• like himself might' at any time:be• driven from his miserable. mud cabin a homeless starving wan- derer, • Besides all this the farmer. has to :support resident landlords (few at present). with their, horses, hounds, agents, :bailiffs Ssc., .en army: of polio - men to. overeare , shoot and imprison any opposition to, the tyrannical over=: bearing system., In truth one finds in Ireland• at this day such a condition of things, such as a low state pfsecial' life and watched condition that it'would.be a matter of reproach to the people if they were con tented having almost yearly to go with begging :hose in hand praying the world's charity for daily bread not that the people are .lazy or :indolent or thriftless... •The same people under .dif- ferent conditions in other lands are fighting with • the battle of life as •bravely and as creditably as the rest of. mankind. " ' To•understrand the Irish land ques- tion'of to -day it is. necessary to look back. 1 have no desire to rake up by- gone ygone wrongs. I wish to Heaven the. Irish people could forget the past for them it .is' in the main a melancholy retrospect. Amongst men. of 'good education, remarkable ignorance of the evil wrought in past times prevails. The penal . laws which . aimed.at at the suppression of the religious belief of the people by depriving Them of civil rights by divorcing them of their land, confiscations,&c' The commercial laws which affected the whole population, are ' now bearing its better fruits in the Irish Land' League agitation. CONCLUDED NEXT WEEK, JI 4 Every one " Should , see our 50e. Counter of Hats.' r' 1 RAMBLED. To�the Girls.' 1, We have a counter on 'which we place every hat that becomes A LITTLE OUT OF STYLE, AND .MAKE A Big Runion Them af50:ats. .5091:7,... • Don't .flirt.: Do not preach. I,Qo not talk slang. Do not put on airs. Do not learn to be cranky. ' Do not try to attact attention.: Do notthhik it pretty to be pert.' ', Do not say no when you mean yes. ,Do not meddlewith other people's beaux.. .. . • Do not devote:' too much time to novel reading. Do. not pick up chance acquaintances on the street. Do not look on `every young -man as a good ice cream freezer.. Do not run down your girl friends in their absence. Do not make up your mind to' bo Sweet to everybody's brother but your own. • . ..Do notmarry a ,inan who has no evident way of .supporting. you. • Do not run -the risk of drowning in order to let some nice young. man fish you out ef ,the water; All young men, do not know now to fish. The original price ofth'ese'gooils are from $1.50 to $2.50, and are the Greatest.Bargai,nS ever oered,._..in the Hat Trade. SIVE: NEVER CARRY OVER AIRY 04D . S.ToOK,': and thisis the means we take to sell. it. BIRTHS. PIKE. -In Clinton, oh the 11th inst-, the wlfe of Mr, Pike of a son. COLE.—In Clinton, on the 4th inet.,,the wife of Dir, Peter Ode, jr., of a daughter, TOPnAM.-Ih Newbrlbgo, on the 17th ult., the a Mr. John Topham, of a daughor. STEVENS.-In Blyth, on the 21st ult., the wlieof Mr. S. It. Stoma of a daughtor. JORDAN. -In Holmesville, on' tho 29th ult., the wlfo. of Mr, John Jordan, of a daaghter. DEATHS. I6A'NSFORD.-in Stapleton, on tho 8th inst., Eugene Francis, youngest son of Mr. John Ilansford, aged 11 months and 16 days. CIIIJECHILL.-In.Iiuliett, ori the 4th Inst., John Churchill, aged 70 years. C00K.-In Ooderich Vownship, on the,11st ult., the infant daughter of Mr, 11. C. Cook. CLUPF.-1n McKillop, on the 26th ult., Mra. Hannah Lluffa aged 06 years. Dr. Fowler's Extract of Wild Straw- berry cures • summer complaints,. diar-. rlima; dysentery, cholera morbus, chol- era infantum, ' sour stomach, colic, nausea, vomiting, canker, piles, and all manner of fluxes, • THE COUNTER CONTAINS . G BLACK AND OaLORED HATS io and. size. Vor boys it is a grand.chence to get a good hat for every description for a mere nothing. Fall Shows. COBE EARLY: 'AND ¢SECURE • Beat Wawanosh, at Bolgrave, Ostobor 11. Moans nranah Agi. Society, Blyth, Oct. 12 and 13. South Iluren Ag1.;Society, at Exoter, Act 3. and 4. Tuekersmith Agi..Sooiety, at Seatorth, Sept. 15 and 10. • Mullett Branch Agl. Society et Chilton, Sept. 20 and 21, GOOD- CHOICE 'TO ARRIVE 'IN A FEW DAYS: 5 cases. of NEW -YORK. HATS„ 6 cases. of CI1RISTY'S ENGLISH' FATS: 1 case' of SCOTCHALMA,CAPS, direct importation. 1 case of CHILDREN'S NOBBY HATS and CAPS. 1 case of NEW -YORK TIES. 1 case of GENTLEMEN'S JEWELLEY, very latest novelties. ITV IN, case of the latest NEW -YORK GOODS, in Ladies' ' uid Gentlemen's LINEN COLLARS and CUFFS, choice goods. .W. JACKSON, The Noted Hatter and Furnisher,, Clinton, Ont.