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Huron Record, 1881-03-11, Page 6College Poetry. • Oh, she wears a sealskin eacgl}e,. • When at snows;. - And her etunnrng suitis: braok Asacrow's ; Short; and thinks it is a pity, Charming, jolly, wise and witty; Has a retrousse—so pretty Little nose. In her basket phaeton, When it blows, With her striking glasses' on, Out she goes ; And she's just as sweet as stately; And she sitsthere so sedately, With her cheeks and lips so greatly Like a rose. She plays Chopin, Liszt and Spohr • Fcr her beaux, • And she sj,eeks of "Pinafore "— Heaven knows! With a naughty"D' and "Never !" But she's awful nice ttiid clever ; If she liked me, I'd endeavor To propose. Ghosts by the Dozen, I4IATEBIALIGATION S BY TD;T•, WUIOLESALE EDDY', —EDDY'S aEMARKABLE ZXPLoreS. (New York firibuno•j' " Thor e will be no seance to night," said William Eddy, as he came to the deer of the house in Eighth avenue in response to the ring of a fribune reporter, "When will there be another ?" "1 don't know ; we aro. going away in a few days." "Can't I come' in and talk with you a moment ?" " Well, there's nobody here. but a few friends. I think not." Have you seen the accounts in the papers about the attempt to expose you the other night?" This questioii'arousedMr. Eddy'souriosity.. He had heard of the. newspaper' reports but' had not keen them, andhe opened the door to learn mores about them, but shut it re- lentlessly in the:face of a black -bearded man who; stood bebind.tho reporter and said he was going to California soon and;. wanted to see the spirits before he left New York. In the little front parlor over the °neat shop were assembled the members of -the house- hold and a few family • friends. • Horatio Eddy was absent.. The 'party 'consisted of William Eddy, his cousin Frank, who acts as business manager of the seances, Mr, and Mrs. D; the occupants. of the 'lint;'.an old ' Polish doctor,. a -Frenchman and his wife, a young woman, said to be a' medium, and • the reporter, • whose name • and avocation were unknown to the •corripany, and who was received in a• friendly.. way as a oonfirm-.• • ed spiritualist. It was Sunday eight,- and :William'Eddy. made up his mind that there should be no ' public seance but only a quiet'little °flair for the entertainment of the party of friends ; so he refused to answer numerous rings at the bell. The reporterdetermined to adapt himself' to the ways of the company,: make no attempt at. disturbing the ghosts, 'teed his eyes open and 'closely observe the per= formances: A look into the little ball bed-= ropm.from which the spirits appear showed -. the bed had been placed quirrelyin front of the spacious hall -door; .whichwars besides locked and bolted: It seemed tolerably plain the hosts. would not come:•throu h` that gf; that door, which, by the way, led into the' common hall used by the •three families in- habiting the buildino.. As the one. window of the room looked out on Eighth avenue the apparitions could reasonably be expect-` ed to; enter there. The theorya •erinoat in the mind of the was thgt Willivin Eddy die nisecl himselffr withhid en in the bed and clothes hidden personated. the different -apparitions. Some colour was given to this idea by the smudgy, • indistinct ap1:earance of the ghosts•,scen'at the previous sitting described in the Tribune; The 'theory did not 'stand the tes evening's performance, however, as will be. seen hereafter, and a new one was developed: At a quarter after 8 William Eddy, went into, the hall bedroom and lowered the cue- tain'hanging acroas. the open door. Cousin., Frank struck up "The Sweet Bye -and -Bye. A brown paper shade was put over the lamp, but it was still light enough.,to'distinguish faces across the room— No sooner. was the tune sung through than the curtain was lifted and out stepped an elderly woman in white with a gray woollen.ahawl across. her shoulders. "Good evening, Mis.. Eaton," said one member of the' company after.•an- Other. The spook said "Goodevening "'in a per- featly clear •feminine voice and chatted • Awhile familiarly. By the. side of the door hung a key and a clothes brush, ' which furnished a convenient mark for the reporter to measure the comparative height of the apparitions. The woman was considerably shorter than the medium in the dark bed= room and not so stout. Evidently' it was not he. "_�utn ug the"light, Frank,", said' Mrs: Eaton, as she stepped behind the cur- tain. "'he paper 'shade was removed and out came 'the ghost again, this.time in' the full light. Face and- clothing were plain' enough now. The' voice as she talked with different members of the circle had the nasal tone, and the language had the grammatical faults of the colloquial dialect of New Eng land country people. The moist•remarkable of the masculine ap- paritions was 8 tall, portly man with elate; head, bushy gray hair, and long gray beard. He wore. black' trousers and a darn sack coat, but le had not taken the trouble to put on either his waistcoat or his.boots, a neglect of the proprieties which was pardon- able from the circumstance that the old gentleman evidently felt at home. He was introduced as i . V. Wilson, a Spiritualist lecturer well•know throughout the country, who died not long ago, Frank said he had been recognized by fifteen hundred people at a Spiritualist camp -meeting last summer.. The face was distinct and strongly'iudi• • vidual, and a peculiarity of the 'figure,. be, ortliness and size was the short. itsp ' r awkward sidesp news of the arms. and, a. aingrila news about ,the movements of one shoulder. Mr. Wilson demanded a strong light, and, reappearing, delivered a brief lecture in a p clear bass voice, He was sorrythere fond, , were so few present, and wished those per. sons who had attempted to expose the per. formance a few nights.ae 'had come again. "It is well for thm. that they cannot ex- pose it," ho continued, ' for if they could, if this is all a humbug,' then there is -no future life apd they themselves are of no more account theft the sande on the sea shore." • After sortie further remarks,ex- ppreasipg•bis pleasure at meeting bis friends, the portly gentleman withdrew, In all of the apparations except two of the children the flesh -tints locked natural, but the eyes were invariably filmy, and expres- sionless, resembling the, eyes of a dead per. son',. The drapery looked substantial enough to be real. Frank said he once weighed all -- the familiar spirits on a platform scale, Mrs. Eaton, a stout matronly person, who looked as if she would tip the bean at 150,. weighed .only 40 pounds. The last ghost was the same good-natured Mee. Eaton, who announced that the per- formance was over, Scarcely had she with- drawn than Frank pulled upthe curtain and out stepped the .medium, William Eddy, looking as if he had been asleep. After a., few minutes' conversation, Eddy brought a brown cotton curtain from the bank room, placed a round table in the corner of the parlor, put a bell and tambourine 'ou the table, and hung the curtain across so as to partition off just enough space for the table. eour•afnatt ' PACTS AND INCIDENTS. He then sat down in front of th t d called the Frenchman and the young woman to sit with him. Cousin Frank thou button- ed a long apron around the necks. of the medium and the woman: which fell over their knees and concealed their hands. ' Behind 'the curtain•there was not room enough for a man to stand on either aide of the' round table. The three setters were of course visible; as they sat directly in front of the curtain, which came up back of them to a height of about eighteen inches.above their heads. The room was well lighted.. Imme- diately hands were 'shown through slits in the eurtaiu• and the instruments made a racket. A guitar and baejo *ere handed over the; top of the curtain, to the ghostly inmates of''the triangular space, and were thrust from under. the curtain and played upon. - The moat interesting part of the perform= ,nee, however, was the writing•of messages upon cards and scraps of paper which _ were banded with a pencil, to the outstretched hands and -flung back into the: room. Five distinct hand writings were thus produced. Two were evidently the work of illiterate • persons, the spelling and grammar, being very bad.'One message, .signed by a wo- man's name, was written. in a beautiful femi- nine hand. ,� One purported to come from. the brother of the Polish doctor and one from the brother of the • master of the house. • IVow. for 'a :theory to account for these mysterious doings. ,'.There was nobody be- hind the.curtain—that was shown at a pre- vious pitting, 'when a newspaper man sprang behind it with the agility of;atereier:after a. :rat, . and found nsthing but the table lend : the. Musicalinetruments • Besides• there waw no. room for anybody larger than 'a 10 -year-old child. Not one of, the.. thirteen ghosts that. carne out of .the hall bedroom was William Eddy, who was the; only person there when the pe`r£armanee ;began. They knight have come through a: secret opening in the wall -from:the' adjoining house,: but the profits of Eddy's seances 'would riot warrant the'ex- pense.. of hiring two buildings on Eighth avenue, and emyloying. thirteen persons to personate spirits. The reporter, thinking the affair over on' his. way home, was, dispos- ed tb fall back On hypnotism. Dr. Hammond says he can make, a man believe a broomstick.• is a pretty young::woman, and min set women dandling • sticks of wood; supposing them to be real babies.. Why should not the• pewee of hypnotizing subjects be extended i• -o as to ernbraee a room full• of'people and make them fancy they see and hear materialized spirits ?• True, the reporter did not, feel.hyp- notized. ]Ie thought; he was wide awake. • He joined' in singing .the 'Sandaysehool hymns, talked with the ghosts and:. was vastly entertained.. But maybe he was pais. taken. Perhaps the whole company. Were in a' magnetic sleep; and only fancied them- selves awake. In :'any case it was•, queer is of the. performance. Expenses of English Elections. e. Chauncey Ingraham of Coffee County, Georgia, died recently of hydrophobia, al- though he had never been bitten by either dog or cat, neither by his brother, who died with the disease some two weeks before, How he contracted the disease'is what is now puzzling the physician. ' The head of brakeman Snodgrass of Coe - .ay, Pa., once, round, is now long and slim. While he was making.:a coupling his head was caught between the bumpers, and so horribly squeezed that it is lengthened. He is cross-eyed and an inch taller,. but he will recover, and his intellect is as clear and as bright as ever. THE late Thomas Braseey, "England's wealthiest son," so fax at least as personal property was concerned, was a native of Cheshire, and his sons have lately restored the southeast angle of the cathedral in his memory. Mr. Brassey bequeathed to his eldest sap his modest patrimonial estate, a faun in Cheshire, but divided thirty millons. of dollars between the three. A NEW sort of portablefire'escape has just been patented, which consists of an at'range- went' in the form of a large telescope, which can be extended upward, forming a tower reaching to the top stories, and from the, up- per section of which a door can be opened and a bridge•stretohed across to the burning house. Over this persons can go and descend within the great tube, which is protected by a covering of sheet iron,. THE Italian Government has resolved td complete the ball of entfanoe to the Leuren tian Library, Florence, designed by Michael Angelo, ih conformity with his plans.. The staircase is by Giorgio Vesari. The long gallery of the library is to be extended as planned by Michael Angelo, and by means of the greater space thus obtained, the superb contents of this unique •library will be better arranged and morecouvenreutly seen. Tint country folks insome parts -of_ -_Ger- many retain superstitions and customs that are relics of heathen times. A newspaper of East Prussia tells of a woman in that neigh- borhood who laid beside the body of her de- ceased husband, to be buried with him, a' pipe filled with tobacco; potatoes, cabbage, salt, bread, and ocher articles of food.' Like some savage tribes,these people believe that a good supply of such comforts, for use on the other side of the .dark river, is due to the dead, andwill be appreciated .by them. Ix France the damage canseil by the rav- ages of, wolves has been roughly estimated to reach a•sum of 0,000,000 of francs a year. Such -a winter as the present isvery favor- able to the depr'edationesof these animals,.. which.: swarm In • the departmente into ?Which• t -h Alpe acid Pyrene•es ^extend;, Servs• oral deaths have, reeently.:been reported iu. outlying districts, the wolves showing a boldness which they have not .exhibited.. 'since they followed in troops in the wake. •of the ;invading German armies ten years ago. •... , The Khedive of Egypt has given orders to: the Grand Chief of. the Religious Corpora- tions that the ceremony known as the • "Dos- sa" inust henceforth cease. The. "Dossa" p was a procession which took' tdb.annoally •in Cairo. in the national ceremony known as "Mewled -el -Nabi," and consisted of the passage Of a sheik on`'horseback• over hie prostrate coreligionists. The Ithedive has also,'.made important modifications in refer•, enoe to sects who at these ooremonres devour. serpents and submit 'themselves to blows Vern swords; "in short, for the future these religious fetes will alone consist in the offer- ing up of prayers." '• One of the principal points in the Attor- ney -General's bill in England foe the better prevention of illegal practices at elections is the restrictionplaced upon the amount of each candidate's expenditure. 'Exclusive of personaldisbursements and returning offi- cer's charges, the expenses of a candidate ere a constituency of`not•more than 2,000 else=' tors is limited by the bill to 4350—or 4-100 for •printing,:• advertising, stationery, and postage, and £250 for all other expenses. In the .case of constitueneies containing more than • 2,000 electors the maximum sum authorised to be spent is £380, with a fur- ther cum of £30 for overt' additional 1,000 elector§ above 2,000. ^ A. candidatemustnot expend himself more than' £20 In personale disbursements ; and ifhe incurs any further expenditure of that description :it must be paid by:his election agent. _ The Parlia-• mentary retnrn ofelection expenses at the last general electid'fi ha't Tht yet been ieauod; but at the previous general election, in' 1874, the contested county elections of 'England and Weles.cost the candidates mean average very nearly £3,000 apiece; while the average sum spent byeaoh candidate in the case of borough contests. was close upon £800. These figures, however,; give a very imper- fect:notion of the enormous. sums spent on some elections. The contest for the north- ern division of Durham poet the four candi- dates in 1874 over £28,000; or 47;000 apiece; while Lord Castlereagh spent no less than £J, 346 on his unsuccessful attempt to secure' oneof the seats in the southern division of that county. THE ' rock.a,way," according to the Lon- don World, is the latest variety of the waltz. It islargely patronized by the indolently in, Mined.' Ib derives its name from the sway, ing motion produced by changing the foot on the first note of each bar only, and is a lazy development of the old "hop " waltz.. • Blum A Duel.—All women aresot created in the likeness of Venus ; but it is the duty of every'true 'woman to look as beautiful as ,she can. It ie her duty to brighten and gladden the World .with her lovelineer, just as the flowers and trees, the skies and waters, gladden it,. Her sense of the beautiful should always and everywhere be cultivated ; thus will her thoughts be made pure and her mind be the home of sweet and lovely things. Refinement opines of a love of all things beautiful. . • Englislt:Parmers ''n:'`i7e'spatr. • THE ERFEM OF BAD $eavaseS ANo or AMER- ICAN comreeITION rroRELEssNEss OR TILE RerurnE. • (From the Loudon Econommt-) It may be from fear of America, it may be from the long continuance of unprofit- able harvests, it may be from the rise in the expenditure espcci'ally upon labor, or it may even be from increased intelligence, but there is a hopelessness about farmers cow- plaints which experienced men, familiar with their ways, never remember before. :They hardly look for any improvement. They do, not speak of the bad times as ex- ceptional. They do not, among each other, talk of prices as to improve, Above. all, they throw up their farms on apparently light provocation. Experienced land agents notice a total difference of tone, an indispo- sition to haggle, a sort of determination to make none but low offers, and to stick to them,. The tenants, as they say, seem not to want, the farms, and make offers too low to be- entertained, in a kind of spiteful. sport. Very often no offers at all can be obtained, and the land is either.tbrown up on the landlord's hands or goes out of culti- vation. The latter occurrence was formerly most' unusual in Great Britain, and seams almost impossible ; but thereisno reason to doubt the statements made',th}tt inevery county in the south and east large numbers of farms formerly yielding good rents are lying idle, the landlords being unwilling to let at low rents to men who ask long leases, and unwilling to eultivate for themselves or able to bear a temporary loss. We know in our own experience of a district in which eleven farms, polish to fare as to soil, aro deserted and unfilled, end have read adver: tisements of a. quite extraordinary character in the way of temptation to tenants. Of farms in the landlord's' hands, and of farms broken into two or three, there is no end, while land in modest patches is sunk in val.: ue to a degree which suggests a kind of dread. among tenants as wall as land buyers, There is a feeling of hapelessness, is fact, abroad among farmers:of the betterclass, and of re. luotance to remain in the business, which of itself may produce important effects, .will- ingness to farm having been an important element in the trade. It differed from all. others .in its 'attractionfor a class ----those •who preferred country life and were content not only with modest profits, but with al- most an entire adsence of those chagces whioh in many walks of life are so attrac- tive. Now that willingness,has disappeared. Irrspite of her largesses and latvisl ex-. penditure (1�tieen Isabella is rich. • But she has grown wise with age,. and will not allow herself to be chested: She'.•is also deter- mined to have the full worth of her money, 'In a recent. trial in, Paris .it came out that the Queen regulerlytook a substantial Meat' capper after a late dinner, though she rarely goes to .bed later than 12. • Her Majesty is . not deseonded for nothing from Charles 'V., . who ate. regularly every morning: in 'bed a chicken 'boiled 'id wine, and thee, went to sleep for a couple of hours.,Isabellais very . good-natured,' very -fond of children, and a great favorite in France. TUE fir tree growths of Puget Sound fort one,. of the wonders of the American world, They average 200 feet in height, and some specimens have -been cut that measured 320 feet in length and 12; feet in diarireper at the base, with a straight and well proportioned logleugth of 00 feet to•the first limb.. The. cedar.trees are in like proportion; and are most valuable for wooden wares of all kinds,. while the firs are the best for spar and ship, timber yet found in any country. There are few nations that do not use them in ship- building. One-fourth the wealth of San: Francisco was culled from the firs of Puget., Sound while the Government slept, and to- day all the principal Steam mill owners who saW .and. prepare for, meet: from -100.. to•. 200,000 feet a day to eabh • mill—and' there are thirty or. more mills—are residents of San•Fr aneisco, where they invest their pro- fits, to the great injury of residents of the. Sound. There is, apparently, no exhaustion of the timber, and a century will possibly elapse before Puget Sound forests will be cleared of their immense resources of varied tree growths. THE mustang :of the American continent has its counterpart in the " brumbie'" of Australia, large herds of which exist iu the interior parte of Queensland and New South Wales. These animals are so numerous that they have often been destroyed and boiled ;down for the sake of their tallow and hides; and in: some of the newly settled districts they swarm in such numbers that the squatters have to protect themselves and the pasturage against their inroads. Brum• bie stalking is a recognized pastime, the destruction of the wild horse's being as necessary as the destruction of kangaroos or rabbits. The sport of oaptuning and taming these,animals, however, has attracted a good many adventurous spirits, who adopt tatics somewhat similiar to those adopted by the inhabitants of Mexico and South America. The hardiness and strength and Mize of these brambles are remarkable; and when trained they are of considerable value. Their pro- geny, when crossed with European horses, possess excellent qualities. It is recorded that in one year no less than 7,000 wild horses have been shot on a single station in New South Wales. A Lady of •Lyons. Jules Geraid ie.dead, ignobly drowned la: air African river, but Bosubonell lives, 'and the lions of the dark continent have long trembled at his name.' A sister of Viscount Mandeville, Louisa, countess of Gosford, .now divides with Bombonoll the larirele•of Africa. The Ioternetiogal •Yacht Club,. which started from Lisbon'on a yachting tour and'•inokided Algiers in the list of its Stations,. procured its. members ,the loiig looked -for, opportunity of having a shot :at. lien.uuder•Bogibonells guidance. The Most enthusiastic members af.the expedition were ladies,, among them the countess of Goateed. Bornbonell ,received the members of tire•• yachting clubs as old acquaintances.. Al- niostthe first :initiation put to him was : Shall we go lion hunting ?" Nowit must be borne in mind that Algeria is no longer the hunting -ground ph- excellence it used`to be, and one has to .travel e' good distanno nowadays' to resell some',Arab tribe in•whose neighborhood 'lions are: tobe met with. B'ombonell knew of two :'tribes to whom he had addressed himself' in anticipation of his expected visitors' .clamoring. Vainly did' he try to dissuade the ladies from taking part in the Sport. Nothing wasleft for him.. but to take the greatest possible precaution against any accidents that might befall the • fair portion of the party, all of. whom, after an early start, reached the promised land in safety. Withoutmuek:loss of time the beaters set to work and promptly succeeded in rousing•first a lion and next:a.:lioness. Unfortunately the•lien after being wounded began -to. make•in mighty leaps straight .for the vehicle •occupied` by 'the• ladies..' The driver •seeing• him approach, jumped off his seat and: disappeared in the bushes;. the horses became uneasy by the firing; and in- stinctively frightened, by the' lurking ene- my,. dashed off,.. but were soon brought to a fatal stand for them—a fortunate one for the ladies, as: it turned out.. The lion came up with the horses in a few leaps, struck his claws and teeth into one of them, throwing it to the ground, thereby . not onlycausing the'other one to fall, but upsetting the.wag- ;on at the same time. • Quick 'as lightning Lady Gosford Was on her feet again and, al-' most touching the lion,- fired at and. wound• edhim so badly that the animal was unable to' renew the attack. Bombonell., came to the rescue, and.with: a couple of theta from his revolver gave the lion• the coup de grace. It as needless to say that the: hunt was brought to .an end, and that Lady Gosford •is.now the heroine of a lion hunt, envied not only bymany•a sporting lady, but by all the tourists now inundating Africa. • A MOOING AIME... Cannibals are oapt ating creatures, ,Punols says that " the wind is ill-tempered to the shorn lamb." What is the prime abject of soldier's Mils 1 Tomake holes inthe enemy.` Wheat is " thrashed" for the purpose of getting out the grain ; a boy is "thrashed" to get out the ohaff. Glass eyes for horses are now made with such perfection that theanimals themselves can not, see through the deception. An Indian chief, after the romantic man- ner. of his nation, calls his musket " Book- agent," because it is an old smooth -bore, •No one ever yet saw a. man who made a move to separate two dogs engaged in battle ' as long as his own dog was having the best of it. A popular cry among, the Irish mariners who are guiding their ship of state through stormy political waters : " Stand by your Davitts." "Lie ! well I guess he does lin," said his neighbor Jones. "Why, he's so fond of lying that he won't let a clock strike right in his hpuse." • • The following recipe for eloquence ie given by a ."'down -east "orator : ' Get yourself chock -fell of the subject, knock out the bung, and let Nature caper." A tailor was startled the other day by the return of a billwhich' he had sent to an editor, .with a notice that the " manuscript wasrespectfully, declined." Parnell's Lambs.—Paddy : ." But what'll we do, Mike, if the: liberator becomes a landlord himself 1" Mike : "Ooh, : sure, -• thin, we'll jist shoot his titrants for him! Edison has dropped his electric light and is now experimenting to see if a cow .can. not be made to. give ice °ream by wrapping her in congealed water before milking. WHEN' the recording angel observes' a minister of the gospel holding a nail, between his fingers while he misses it with the ham. mer, the trustworthy scribe drops into a • brown study and,pretends not to hear any- thing. Late the other evening a merchant was playing cards with a railroad official who was rather sleepy at the time. "I pass," said the merchant:. The railroad man was awake in an instant: "No, you don't," said Ire; "•qot-on this line. You pay your fare, or walk," ' An Irishman was accused of stealing a handkerchief of ' a fellow -traveller, but . the owner, on finding it, apologjzed to Pat, and saidthat it was a mistake. ."Arnah, my • •jewel;"''retorted Pat, "it wag e two-sided .mistake—you took me for a; thief and took _you fora a gintleman "' - -. "I'suppose that you . are very glad that • " your husband is .entirely cured of his ,thou• matisel?". said 'a doctpe to :a fashionable., lady, "Yes, I suppose I ought to be, but pfrom now on we will have to guess at, the weather or by a barometer, if hes .boned quit aching beefore a damp spell." How Raisins are made in California.', In Mr.,Blower's, vineyard, Yolo county,the grapes aro allowed to remain onthe'vino un- til of a golden color and translucent. Then they are picked and put on wooden trays two by 'three feet in size, placed between the rows,sloping to the sun. When half dried• they are turned by putting a tray on top, and by inverting them both, are transferred to the new tray. When the grapes lose their - ashy, appearance, and after removing the green ones, the rest are put into large sweat boxes laoin . sheets of aper Jletween every twenty-five pounds of raisins. They are left there for two weeks, when the stems are taugh and the raisins soft. The peeking follows, in which iron or steel packing frames are used, the raisins being assorted, weigh- ed, inspected, and made presentable, 11ir. Blowers prefers a rich, moist, sandy 'loam, in a Warm climate for raisins, and believes that winter irrigation will destroy insects and keep the vines in a thrifty condition, He prefers to plant vines eight by ten feet apart,'or ellen. ten by ten feet, and use fertil- iaers. e n • •When the,twentyfour hours of each day; and night are numbered from 1 up to 24, as proposedfor thebenefit.ofeelockmakers, and tcrelo away with P. M. and A. M. of• time tables, 21 o'clock will be considered as the shank of,the evening, and 17 o'clock will be considered as the proper time for dinner. "What is the meaning," asked a Galves- ton school -teachers "of the terin ' non oom- pos mentis?"' None of the boys knew, whereupon the teacher explained :. "It means thee because you don't, know it you are liable to be called ' nee compos mentis,'. Do you understand now what it means ?" • There is a marble lamb on the tombstone of an old man; and when an old friend saw it for: the first time,•. he. exclaimed': ." How a roprate •t-" 'k" Was he of 'a gentle die o• sition? Whew !: T guess not.. He would shoot in, a minute,' `but he always ' ,overfed himself en spring lamb and green peas, That's what killed him, .I~ reckon." The night editor of a,Nova Scotia journal wrote the following, head line to one of his • , cable dispatches : "The British Lion Shak- • ing Elis Mane." He •was unable to eat his breakfast the next morning when he found . the printer's version of the matter staring him in the face'thus "The Brisish Lion Skating in Maine." A little miss has a grandfather who •has. taughther to open and shut his crush hat:, The other day, however, he dame withan • ordinary silk . one. • Suddenly he sees the ? childcoming with the new stovepipe wrin- kled like an aecordeon. "Oh," grand- father," she says, "this, one is 'very hard. I've had to sit on it, but. I can't,get it more than half . shut." A boarder asked'a diminution of his rent because of the dampness of his room. ' It 'was naturally: refused, and the boarder.gave notice that he would leave. He, got even with his landlord by .planting a beautiful mushroom in his bedchamber, and when- • over' anyone` came'td see"'Elie apartment he. Would. Call 'to the servant girl.: '"Bridget,' see here; what is this mushroom doing in this room? It seems to me that I told you to take it way." To which Bridget replies : "I did as you told . me, sir, , but another' Must have grownthere since." "When is a.; man not a . man?" asked Jones, Of 'course he expected everybody to give it up, and then ho was going to say, • "When he .is a shaving." But they didn't give it up ; not a bit of it. One said it was when he was fool enough to deal in conun- drums ; another answered it was When he worked over jokes, thousand years old, and a third told Jones to look in the glass and see for himself, Jones said he didn't see what in time they were driving at, but somehow he had lost all interest in his conundrum, andhadn't• the heart to tell them the true answer, OF a .north countryman, who was both parish clerk and schdolmaster, it is related that when he was compelled. to resign his echol'astio•duties to a qualified teaoher from a training oollege he heard the new master' tell his pupils : "A is an indefinite article. A is one, and can only be applied to one • thing, You cannot say a oats, a dogs ; but , 'only a eat, a dog." Upon this the clerk said to the rector : Hers s a pretty fellow you've got to keep school I He says that you oan onlyapply the article A to nestles of the singular number, and here have I been sayingA•mon all my�life, and your revver- eine has ?per enoe dorreoted me.