HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1883-09-07, Page 94
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111111111MIININIMMI
NTARIQ, SEPTEMBER 7, 1883.
A -Wisconsin mad says he would
.as son take quinine as sugar if it
wait for the bitter taste.
• Why is the first chicken of a
brood like the fore -mast of -a ship
Beeauseit's a ',little for'arcl of the
main hatch. `.1
Colloquy,, between reeve acquaint-
ances " I once at on the, Judge's
bench in Texa4.." - " Yes ? Where
was the Jud.ge 1
A Leeds pater says that a young
widow m thateity, who writes well,
is training herSelf for an editor.
Who is the editor.
"Who was the meekest man"
asked a Sunday -school teacher
" Moses." "Very Well ; who was
the meekest woman ?" Never
was any." ' !
Farce of habit : A much -abused
editor wrote to a brother journa-
list' calling hini an ass, and thought-
lesslv signed himself " Yours fra-
ternally!'
An Irishman vatching a• game
of base ball, was ent to the grass
by a folwhiell s ruck him under
the ±iftI rib. "A "oul was it? Och,
sure, 1 4hought it was a mule."
Lodger : " 1 detect rather a dis-:
agreeabe smell in the house, Mrs.
Jones. Are you sure the drains
2' "Welsh Landlady : `"10h,
it can't be the drains, sir, what-
ever. There are none, sir„"
" Mf dear," said a repentant
husband to hi l wife, "if I have
ever used any unkind words to you
I take them all- back.". " No, you
won't I know you. You want
to use them all over again."
Some fellow - having stolen the
rudder from a. boat, and baring
been requested that either the tiller
might also be taken, or else the.
rudder -,frrought lAck, he complied
with so reasonable a request, and
took th,4; tiller next night.
A celebrated lawyer once said.
that the three most troublesome
clients he ever had were a young
lady wka wanted to be married, a
married woman who wanted a di-
vorce, ad an old maid who didyi't
know that she wanted.
An advocate having lately gained
a suit far a poor young lady, who
was very ugly, she remarked
have n thing to pay you with, sii,
but my heart" -Hand it over to
the der if you please, I wish no
fee for nyself," he replied.
A .13 iiladelphia, reporter, in de-
scribin the -kirniwY of a dog out
of the ourt by order of the bench,
says : "The ejected canine, . as he
was i_ ominiously dragged from
the room, cast a glance,at the judge
for the purpo e 5of being able to:
identif31 him at some future time.
Peop e who abject to elaborate
we.dclin s should go to Iowa, U. S.,
Where a inarriage was recently cel-
ebrated with the fallowing brief
ceremony : The happy pair were
told to join ! their right hands,
and then asked, " Do you want
one another VI Both replied, "Yes."
" Well, then, have one• another ;"
and the co410 were man and wife.
" How came these boles in your
elbows r said ,a widowed mother to
her only son. " Oh, mother, I. hid
behind the sofa when Colonel Gab-
ler was sayiIl' to our Maria that
he'd take her, even if you had .to
be thrown in ; and he didn't !know
1 was there, and so 1 held in and
laughed in my ; sleeves till I bust'
ern!' 1
A YORKSHIRE IDYL.
1 had a pretty bad attack of the
megrims ht,tely, and walked into
the home of -au old Yorkshire
couple :n the Ovening, as glum a.8
an old .:at. On this occasion the
old lad: (old me the following silu--
-tylt tale whicit 1 am going to
produce, adhering a- closely- to, the
original Yorkshire dialeet as is con-
sistent with the comprehenslion of
the narrative
"When gudemau Was a
young: chap,it swains he felL ower
beead an' ears i' luv wiv a young
wunimalt they called Betty Moth.
Betty didn't care a feg's end fer
him." ' (Here the old nan smiled,
and the old lady nodded her head,
as who should say, " You know
it's true.") " Sheea wadn't hev
owt at all leea wiv him. 'But
he wer al s efter • her'; he wad
not be .aid iaa. Yah neet, as she
V as ga in' along biv limersel', up he
IN
r0R—
ent, wiv a feeace o' brass, an'
er f she wad hev him. Betty
an e told him, " Nay; she
e arry sorry td tak up wiv
f llow a h in," He ea
bo t her a gooc deal ; butI3e
er as firm as rock,- so he 4
s e really wadn't hev h m,
wad gan an dro n hissel." Bet
s d, " verry wee ; he coulds do M
e 1 ked." An' hen he ax'd her
s ie wad gan wiv him and see hint
eea't. Betty s d, why, tshe wars
o ontit 4hitby sands they.
airait1i went Ant as soon as they
t there off went his hat and
oa an' away 1 he strade, quite
&Alias, te gan intit sea. When
e gat tit water edge, he torn'e ,
rsuI 1 an' sed, in a dowly sort W
oic :
ic are -t -well, etty. Moth. Ah
s
al nivver see tha mair 1"
"an on," says Betty, as cool as
co cumber.
“o in he gan up tiv his knees.
n' then he torn d again, an' _ red :
" Fare -t -well, 3etty Moth. Alt
all nivver see a mair 1"
"Gan on," sa s she, quite calm.
" So on he ga s, up to his weeast
i t' water.
hen he torn'd round again,an'
ed:
" Fare -t -well, 3etty Moth. Ah
hall nivver see ijha mair 1"
" Gan on," says she.
" Betty knew her man," says the
ld dame, with wink at me, and
4.nodattheoid man, now vigor-
usly puffing at hs pipe.
" An'on he went, up to his ox-
ters (armpits).' then he torn'el
round, for t' last time, to ax her te
rm.
tak' pity on him, an' say she ' wad
hev him. But Betty wadn't move
i' the least. So he began ageean :
" Fare -2t -well, I Betty Mothiil 1
hall'—
" But all at yance a greeat big
wave come whendin up ageean him
n' aff he set for tit shore,
shoutin'
ut as hard as ivver he cud:
"By goek, 'd better CUM
•ack,or Ah shaii be droun'd 1"
" Back he m', an' there he
tool dadcleii (shivering), an'
etty cut home, laffir' at him fit te
split her sides. An' he was , glad
nuf te git seeaf eome again, an.'
t his cleeas (clothes) changed.
i
" But this dopldng cured , him.
e went neea - mair efter petty
loth, but tuk up wiv another
ming lass that wasn't quite so
1
toney-hearted. 1
Here the stor ended, and the
old lady chuckle in perfect 1 good
humour,and the old gentleman lays
down his pipe a i d says:
" An' so ah g t wed efter all 1"
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W GOING 01\11
1 A I V -`1
l'A.„1 1,..1 i
....,
for
For
or PRO
The bal
Light D
other Sti,,pam
al4nce 01
than yc
c6 of the
essLGOdds
,
er oods
SOpt
u ,eve
Su)32.
ger you will gel
got beforb in Seafor
er Stock Willi be
right down " to 5
n.th.e"stanae ,an er.
e value f
red out reg
nci 10 cent
r your CASH
rdless of cost.
per' yard, ard
4
eature of tins Great Dr
dffe e
tailltS
Tweeds,
/Thi
11
Goods which ev-or
Printed'Table
tIs, La4e Cutains,
•
150 Yards
250
500
i
wi will
e above 11
laQk Oashriaere at $1.50 will be sold at $1.0
,
66 1 1.0 " 0.7
i
,
.7 1" " 0.5
Goods Sa e will be
•
gal
booly needs, such as
Cottonado
dQvers, Bed Quilt's, Mats,
Uilder Skirts, Scc,
f
elonered
if
_i_omm!sw. matiiitsweemes;gs;trisigismwRiimswoinamar.
1.1 Fancy 11c1
esse or Trii4mgs.
bons, Tes, rtizI e., aias6„,ti
Figure.
per yard.
it
Colored Sil
ash Store,
e ne
Prodtuce
eafo t
- LOWE DOWN.
Unlike many of his. neighbors,
John Cockbiarn ould "tak, adram
an' be dun wi't, " as he himself ex-
pressed it. lOn lone occasion how-
ever, he committed the error of
going beyond his usual limit, and,
as he was reeling home, he was
met by Watty Greig,the parish bea-
dle. Watty was, of course, greatly
surprised to, see John in a state of
intoxication; "1 Man, Cocklirn"
said he, with ev ry sign of astonish-
ment, "boo has this happnei t
ye've let it a' ,, ig tae yer held the
nicht." John s ared stupidlyi for a
moment, then w th a mighty effort to
steady himself 1 e stamthered 'out -2--
" Ye're wrong there, Watty, for
am gey sure Ts—a' &oon in i'
ma legs !" ,
GERMAN SERVANT GILS.
Saxony has some -very elurious
laws concerninfi servant girls, For
instance, the estress is required
to allow the se .vant one pound of
butter and one pound of coffee per
month or the quivaient in money.
If the servs.,nt 'urnish her own bed-
ding she receiv s one and one-half
cents 'per ni ht for so doing.
Seventy -fie ents per month is
allowed the servant for her washig,
and she receives five per cent, an.
all purchases she makes. Sho
must give a in nth's notice before
leaving he pi e, and must keep a
book for r co menclations,in which,
upon 1eaviig 1er place, hermistress
is compelled t state the Cause of
the servant's:laving, and also what
her character :s.
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