Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1874-04-10, Page 2- - - 'N THE TACHYPOMP. that" even Miss 'I A MATHEMATICAL DEMONSTRATION'. There was nothing. mysterious about Prof. Sui d's. dislike for me. 1 was the only -poor mathernatithan iii an excep- tionally mathematical clash -The old gentleman sought theleeture-romn ever morning - with eagernese, and, left . rela. ntantly. • For was it not • A THING OF JoY - to find seveuty young rams who, individ .ually aad collectively, preferredx t XX, who had rather differentiate than dissipate; and for whom the lirabs Of the heavenly bodies hadmore attractions than those of earthly stars upon the,. 'spectacular star ? - So affairs -went pa swirniningly be- tween the Professor of •Ma.thernaties and. the Janie'. ' Class at Polyp Univereittt In everyman of the seventy the sag aaw the the logarithm of a possible •L Place, of a Sturm, or. of a Newton. It - waa a delightful task for shim to lea • them through the pleasant valleys 4f conic section; and - beide the sti waters of the integral calculus. Fd- aratively speaking, his problem was not a hard One. He Irad ohltf. to manipulat , and eliminate, end to. tease to a . high r power, and the triumphant result of 6 amination -clay was assured, . But I was • . A DISTURBING ELEMENT, a perplexing unknown quantity, Which_ had somehow erept into- the work, and . whieh eeriously threatened to impair the .2.06a:racy of his calculations. It was a touching sight to behold the venerable mathematician.as he pleaded with me not so utterly to disregard precedent in the use of cotangents ; or as he urged, with. :eyes almost tearful, that ordinates were dangerous things to trifle with. All Vain. More theorems went on to my cuff than into my head. Never did elialk do so much work to so _ little pur- pose. And, th.qefore, it came that Furnace Second was: reduced to -zero in Prof. Surd's estimation. He looked upon me with all tae horror which an unalgebraie nature I could inspire. 1 have seen the Profeseer walk around an, • entire square rather than meet the man who hacl no naathematics in his soal. For Furnace Secant' were : • NO INVTTATIONs TO PROF. SURD'S HOUSE. 1 Seventy of the class hupped in delega-; tions around the periphery of the Pro-' fessor's tea -table. -I The Seventy-first: • knew nothing of the eharine of that per- • feet ellipse, with its twin bunches of, fuchias and geraniums in gorgeous pre-' • cision at the two foci,• This, unfortunately enough, was ne • trifling deprivation. Not that I longed, • . espeeially for segments of Mrs. Surd's '• jastly-celebrated lerncia-pie ; not that the spheroidical damsens other excellent preserving had; any allurements; not even that I yearned to .heaaf the grofes- • sor's jocose table -talk about binomials; and chatty illustrations of abstruse par- • -adoxes. The explanation is far differ- ent. Prof. Surd . - • HAD A DAUGHTER. Twenty years before, he Made proposi- • .tion of marriage to the- present Mrs. S, • He added a little Ccirallaty to his pro- position not long after. _The Carollar§ • wa,s a gtrl. , . Abscissa Sard was as perfectly symnies trical as - Giott'e circle, and as _pure, • withal, as the mathematies- her father • taught. It was juet.when spriag was coming to extract the roots: of frozen -up vegetation that I fell in love with the Corollary. That she herself was not indif• - ferent, I soon had reasen to regard as a self-evident truth.. ; . : • Th.e sagacious reader will -already re- • cognize nearly all Pre eleraents necessary • to a well -ordered plot. We have introdae- ed a heroine, inferred-- a hero, and 0c:4 - s -traded a hostile parent after the meet approved model. A i movement for the story, a Deus ex maeNna, is alone lack• - ing. With considerable satisfaction- I can prOmise •i • •• N. A pERFECTi- NOVELTY in this Elie, a Deus ex machina, never fore offered to the pnblic. , • It tvoulcl be discoariting ordinary n- telligelace to say that I sought with nn - wearying assiduity to figute my way into • ddullard apply himself to mathensat cs t the stern father's gooclwill ; 'that ne er id more patiently theta ; that never did 'faithfulness achieve ei.-ch meagre rewa d. Then I engaged a private tutol Iis instructions met with no better suCcese. My.tator's name Was Jean Marie Riv- arol. He was a uniqae.Alsatian—thotigh Gallic in name, thoroughly - Teuton[ in nature; by birth a Frenchmen, by e lin cation a German. His .age was 30; his profession, oulniecierice ; the wolf at jbis • door, poverty; the Skeleton in. his elo et, a consuram:g but anreciatted passion. The most recondite Principles of :practi- cal scielice • '• WHERE las TOYS; the deepest retrica cies of abstract science • viihit his diversious, Prebleme which ere fereordained mysteries to me were to m as clear as Tahoe -Oaten Perhaps this very fact will explain our lack of suei eF.,.s as in, the relation of hot and pap]. ; er- haps the failure is alone due to my, yen -unmitigated stupidity. 'Itivarol had hung . about the skirts of the University for several years; supplying his few a- nts: by %Tieing for scientific journals, o4 by giving assistance to students who, Ilike Myself, were characterized by a plethora • it) of purse and a paucity Of ideas; e ok- Mg, studying and sleeping in his , ttic lodgings; and proseetitieg qacer ezeri- ments all by himself. •, . We were not long discovering that even this • eccenteic genies could i not transplant brains . into. my defi lent skull. I, GAYE OVER THE STR'UGGLE IN DESPIAIR. An mahappy year • dragged its Slow • length .around. A gloomy year it .Was. brightened only by occasional intera eves with Abscissa, the Abbie of my thoughts and dreams. . . , • , Commencement flay was corning on apace. I was soon to go forth, with the rest of my class, --to astonish and delight ira a waiting world. The Professor see- ed to avoid me more than -ever. • Nothing but the conventionalities, I think, kept him from shaping his treatment of menu the basis of unconcealed. disgust. , At last, in the very tecklessnese of despair, I resolved. to see him, plead. With him, threaten him if need be, and hisk all my fortunes un one desperate chahce. I Wrote him a somewhat- defiant letter, STA.TINitG MY ASPIRATIONS, ! and, as I flattered myself, shrewdly giv- ing him a week to get over the first shook of horrified surprise': Then I was to call and learn my fate. Daring the week of.suspense I nearly worried myself into a, fever. It was first crazy hope, and then sane despair, i On Friday evening, whea I piesented myself at the Professor's door, • I was such a haggard, • sleepy, dragged -out spectre, I asta, the harsh -favor- ed maiden, sister of the Surds, admitted me with commi erate regard, and sug- gested pennyroy. 1 tea. : , - Prof: Surd wa at, a !faculty -meeting. Would Lwait ? a Yea till all w: blasif need be. be. :.. - all, s AEBIE ? : Aliscissia had gone to Whcelborough to visit a school rienct • p110 aged maid- en hoped 1 wo lcl Inaiccl myself cons- ' fortable, and, de ailed to the unknown haunts which.kn w Joeast 's daily walk. 'Comfortable 1 But I set ledenyself ' in a great uneasy lair' ' and , waited with the contradictor... spirit common to such junctures, &eat ing every step lest it should herald th- man tvhcim, of all men, 1 wiehed to see. 1 had been th. re at least -an hour, and_ 13 was grotaing qui e drowsy. At length Pr 'f. Surd lame in. He sat down in the usk opposite me, and I thought his eyes guad with maglignant pleasure, as he s id abruptly : " So, young man, yen think you are a fit husband for i y girl. ?" . -I stammeredm °e intini, y about mak- ing up in affe ion what. I lacked in merit ; about c y eXpectttions, family and the like. e • quickly interrupted MC. 1 ' ' 1 . . " You misap rehead me, i sir. Your nature is destitute of those mathematical perceptions and aceuirernchits whicli are the only sure f undatiens of character. You . . HAVE NO MA.THEmATI S IN YOU. You are fit for tteasera s, atagems a,nd spails.—Shaltep are. ' :Ye r narrow in- tellect caunot ui derstand ancl appreciate generous mind ' There is all the differ - ellen between y •u and a - Surd, if I may say it, which in ervenes betfteen an in- finitesimal and ii .infinite., .4Vhy, I will even venture to say that ypu do not com- prehend the Pro ibm :f the Couriers !" •I admitted t iat the Problem of the Couriers should be classed rather with- out my list o aceemplishments than Within it: I regretted this fault very deeply, and stiggeste .asnendment. I. faintly hoped tliat my fortune would be such " Money !" h irapa iently -exclaimed. "Do you eeek to brilini a a-canan Senator with a penny whist ? hy, boy, do you parade your paitlry wcalth, which, expressed in mills, Will not cover ten decimal placesLbefore thel eyes of man 1 who mea,sures he pl nett in their or- bits, and , CLOSE -CROWDS INF itart ISTELF V' I hastily disclaimed any intention of obtruding niy foolith dollars, and he went on s .' , . " Your lettet surinisedane not a lit- tle. I thatisfht you vvou41 be the last person in the world o presume to an :alliance here. But a ving a regard for you 1)CI501a11Y, ''----ancl again 1 saw malice twinkle in his snaall ey s--" and still more regard for Abs nsa s happiness, I have decided that yo aliall have her— upon conditions. U on eonditions," he repeated, with ia half smothered sneer. " What are they ' cried 'I, eagerly enough. " Only iiarne there." " Well, sin't he co tamed, anci the de- liberation of his speech seemecl the very refinement of :cruelty!, `.' you have only to prove yourself worthy an allianee with a znathematieal faruilye• You have, only to .. 1 . A.00cDMPLISH A TASK which I shall presently give you. Your e i,, es ask me what it; is. I will- tell you. Distinguish yOurself ;n that noble branch f abstract science i whipla you cannot uteack.iiowledge, yo.i are at present sad- ly deficient:, if. will Place Abscissa's hand ip yours whenever y u shall come before : se and square the circle to my satisfac- tion. No ! That is too easy a condition. I1 should cheat roy elf. '§ay perpetual lotion. How do you- like that ? Do ',lou think it lies within th range of your iiientai capabilities ? You , don't smile. Perhaps your talent don't run in the way of perpetual motion. Several 1)00 - le have have found. that eliebts didn't. I'll ive you another chance. We Were speak- ). g of the • • I PROBLEM OF THE COURIERS, and I think. you e prespecl a desire to know more of- -that ingenious question. you shall shave tie opportunity. Sit aown some day, when yea have nothing else to do, awl disc ver the principle of infinite speed. I eau the law of me- w pion hich shall a- gorriplich au infi nnite- ly great distance i a an iifinitely short . time. You may na'x in a 4ttle practical hoose. I Invent some , the tardy Courier rate of sixty miles a :'ate me this discovery ade it -I) mathematic- imate 't practically, mechanics, if you method of 1 takin over his road at th minute. • Demonst (when you have cally, and 1 a,ppro. and• ' ABSCISS A. IS YO RS. Until you can, I will' thank you • to trouble neither myself not her:" • I coald stand hie mocking no longer. I stumbled mec anically, out of the room, and out .of he house. I even for- got my hat and gl. res. For an hour I walked - in the m onliaht, Gradually I 0 , succeeded to a trore hopeful frame of mind. • This was tue to mly ignorance of mathematics. •ad I Understood the real meaning of what he asked, I should have been utterly despondent. • Perhaps this problem of sixty milesa minute -was not impossibl after all.. At any • rate 'I could attei pa though I might not succeedla And e RivAROL aseett TOY MINE. I would ask him.- I Wo 'Id enliet his knowledge i to ac oinpan , ray own de- voted. perseveranc I sought his lodg- ings - at once. The man of sci nee lived in the fourth story, tack. I h, d, never: been in his room before. When I entered, he was in the act of filling.a betmugfrom a carboy labeled Arilua fortis, • "Seat you," lie said. "No, not in • thatchair. That is ray Petty -Cash Ad- juster.?' •i. 1 : But he was a monaent too late. I had carelessly thrown myself into a chair of seductive appearance. • to ros-, utter amazement it reached out Two SKEL)TON /ARMS and clutched me with. a 'grasp against which I strugglecla in vain. Then a skull etretched iteeif over my sheulder and grinned with E ghastly familiarity close to hay face. 1 1 sRivarol came to I my aid with many apologies. • He touohed a spring some- where, and the Petty-CashAdjuster re- laxed its horrid hold. I placed -myself gingerly in a plait], ,cane -bottomed rock- ing -chair, which Rivarol assueed me was a safe location. I 1 • : 1 1 "That seat," he Said, " is an arrange- ment upon whichI Mach felicitate myself. I made it at Heidelberg. ' It has saved rae a Vast deal of Small annoyance. I 'consign to its embalm the friends who bore, and the .visito s who exasperate, 1r me. But it is nev r so useful as when s THE HURO EXPOSITOR. ammumasassmahlassmsanssallah AP IL 0, 1874: I ‘1111111011.111.11MMIIIIIMIMI, terrifying some tiadesman with an n - significant account. HENCE THE PET NAME-- which 1 have facetiously given it. T ey are invariably too glad to purchase e - lease at the price of a bill receipted. II( you well apprehend the idea? While the Alsatian diluted his glas of aqua fortis, shook into it' an infusion of bitters, and tossed off the bumper 'th -apparent relish, I had time to look armind the strange apartment. The four corners of the room were oc- cupiel respectively by a turning lathe a Rhumkorff Coil, .a small steam en Me and an orrery in stately motion. a- bles, shelves, chairs and floor suppor cd an odd aggregation qt tools, reto -te, chemicals, gas-receitteffi, philosoph cal instruments, books, flasks., paper co lar boxes, books diminutive and books of preposterous size. There 'Were plaiter busts of Aristotle, Archimedes t.nd Compte, while a, great drowsy owl was blinking away, perched on the ben5gn brow of Martin Farquhar Tapper. "He always roosts there when he propose to slumber," explained ray tutor. " on are a bird of a ordinary mind. Schlafeit Sic 'told." '•1 Through a closet door, half open, I cculd see a human -like form covered with a sheet. Rivaeol caught my glance. "That," said he, •" will be my maseer- piece. • It is A MICROCOSM, . a,u Android, as yet 'Only akatially com- plete. And why not? Albertus lelag- nus constructed. an:image Perfect to talk metaphysics and confute the • seholols. So did_ Sylvester II.; so did ...Robeetus Greathead. Roger Bacon made a brazen head that hold discourses. .But the first named of these came to destruction. Thomas Aquinas -got wrathful at some of its syllogisms and smashed•its head. The idea is reasonable enough. Metital nation will yet be: reduced. to laws as definite as those . Which • govern the physical. Why sh,oulcl not I accomplish a mannikin which shall preach as origin- al discourses as the Rev. Dr. Allehio, or talk poetry as mechanically as Paul Ana- pest ? My Android can already *Work problems in vulgar fractions and compose sonnets. I hope to teach it.the Positive Philosophy." - Out of the bewildering confusion of his effects Rivarol produced two pipes a.nd filled them. He handed one to me. • "And here," he said, "I live, and am tolerably comfortable. When my eoat wears out at the elbows I seek the tailor and am measured for another. - When 1 run hungry- I promenade myself to t the • butcher's, and. bring home a pound ojr so of steak, which 1 cook very nicely in three seconds by this oxy-hydrogen fl4me. Thirsty, perhaps, I sencl for a carboy of Aqua fortis. But I have it charged, ALL CHARGED. My spirit is above any small pecuniaty transaction. I loathe your dirty green- backs, and never handle what they call 8°1"ii "PB7iit are you , never pestered. With bilis?" I asked. " Don't the creditors worry your life out ?" ' . "Creditors 1" 'gasped Rivarol " I have learned no such word in yourrery admirable language. He who will a low his soul to be vexed by reditors is a relic of an imperfect civilization. Of what use is science if it cannot avail a man who has accounts current? Lieten. The moment you or any one else eaters the outside door this little electric bell sounds me warning. Every sucee sive step on Mrs. 0s-hiller's staircase is a spy ancl informer vigilant for my benefit. The first step is trod upon. That trusty first step immediately telegraphs your - weight. Nothin could be simpler It is exactly like any platform scale. The weight is registered up here upon this dial. The secoi4l ete0 records tlie size ‘ of my visitor's fe, t the third his height, the fourth his Complexiod, and oi on. By the time he reaches the top of the first flight.I hathe a pretty accur e de- scription of hien right here at my lboiv, and quite a margin of time for DELIBERAITON AND ACTION. Do you follow me ? It is plain enough. Only the A B C of my scieece." "1 see all that," I said, "but I don't see how it helps you any. The knowl- edge that a creditor is comingwon't pay his bill. You can't escalle unless you jump out of the window." Rivarol laughed softly. :" f will tell you. You shall see what becomes of any poor devil who goes to demand moneY. of me—of a man of sciefice. Ha ! ha 1 It pleases me. I was seven Weeks perfect- ing my dun -suppressor. Did you know," he whispered exultingly, "did you know that there is a hole through the earth's eentre ? Physicists have long suspected it; I was the first to find it. You have • read how Rhug, ghens, the Dutch zavi- gator, discover d in Kerguellen's Land an abysmal pitiwhich 1,400 fathoms of plumb-line failfd to sound. Herr Tom, • THAT HOLE HAS NO BOTTOM! It runs from one surface of the earth to the antipodal surface. It , is diametric But where is the antipodal spot? You stand upon it. T learned this by the merest chance, I was deep -digging in • Mrs. Grimier's cellar, to bury a poor cat I had sacrificed in a galvanic experiment, when the earth under my spade crum- bled, caved • ia, and wonder-striciten I stood upon ti e brink of a yawning shaft. I dropped a coal -hod in, It went down, down, down, bounding and rebounding. Tn two hours and a quar- ter that coal-lhocl came up again. I caught it and restored • it to the angry Grimier. RIB thMk a minute 1 The coal -hod went down, faster and f ster, till it reached: the centre of the e4i,rth. There it would stop, were it not foi ac- quired momentum. Beyond the cent e its journey was relatively upward, toWard the opposite surface of th.e globe. , So, losing velocity, it went slower and sl wer till it reached that surface. - Hei4e it came to a rest for a/seconcl and the FELL BACK AGAIN, 8,000 odd miles, into my hands. • Had I not interfered.'with it, it would have re- peated its jour eta time after time, 'each trip of shorter extent, like the diminish- ing oscillations of a pe-nduluna, till it finally came tO eternal rest at the c ntre of the sphere. I- am not slow to gve a practical application to any such grand discovery. My Dun -suppresser 1 was born of it. A trap, just outside; my chamber -door ; a Epring in here; a ered- itor on the trao,—need I say more?" "But isn'.t it a trifle inhuman t" I mildly suggested. "Putting an unhappy being into a perpetual journey to i and from Kerguellen's Land, without a ;mo- ment's warning. "1 give thepi a chance. When they come up the first time I Wait at' the month of the ehaft with a rope in my hand. If they are reasonable and come to terms. I fling them the line. If they perish, 'tis their own fault. Only,' he. added, With & melancholy smile, the centre is getti4 SO PLUGGEI) OP WITH OR:EDITORS that I am -afraid there soon will be no for 'em." L had conedived a high tutor's ability. If any - d me waltzing through ite speed, Rivarol could. sy pipe and told him the xl with- grave and patient n, for full half an hour, y in silence. Finally he choice whateve • By thie time opinion of my body could. 'se' space at an infl do it.. 1 filled story. _He hea attention. Th he whiffed aw spoke. - a ' ' "The widen cipher has overreached himSelf. He 1 as given you a choice of twa problems, oth of which he deems insoluble. Ne ther are insoluble. The only gleam of hitelligence Old Cotangent sIsewed was w en m said that squaring the circle was oobasy. He was right. It would have iven you your Liebchen, in, five minutes I squared the circle be- fore I discarde pantalets. • I tiql1 show e you the work, but • ar AFOUL ) BE A speonEssioar. and you are in no mood for digressions. Our first cha ce, therefore, lies in per- petual motion. Now, my good friend, 1 will frankly ell you that, although 1 have compassed this interesting problem, I do not clams to use it in your behalf. I, too, Herr oin, have a hearth The loveliest of h r sex frowns upon me. Het somewha, mature channs 'are not forhfean Mari Rivarol. She has cruel- ly said that her years demand of me filial rather than connubial regard. Is love a matter of years or of eternity. This question did I put to the COLD, Y 4,2 LOVkLY JOCASIA. "Jocasta S rd. 1" I remarked in sur- prise, " Absci sa's aunt 1" "The sam a" be said, sadly. "1 will not atteupt to conceal that upon the maiden ocasta my maiden heart has been besto ,ed. Give me your hand, my nephew in affliction as in affection!" llivarol-nlas ied away a not discredit- able tear, and resumed : ;`-.5 My. onlysl ope lies in the discovery of perpetual • otion. It will give me the fame, the w alth. Can Jocasta refuse these ? If sh can, there is only the trap-door and—Kerabuellen'e Land 1" 'I bashfully asked to see the perpetual motion machine. My uncle in affliction shook his head. r "At another time," he said. " Sufs fice it at present to say, that it is some- thing upon the principle of •I n WOMAN'S TONGUE. But You see now why we meat turn in your. case to the alternative condition— iufintte speed. There are several. ways in which this may be accomplished, theoretically. By the lever, for in- stance. Imagine a lever with a very long 'and a very short arm. Apply power to the shorter arm which will move it with great. velocity. The end of the lohg arni will move nnich faster. Now keep shortening the short arm and lengthening the long one,: and as you ap- proach infinity in their difference of length. you approach infiuity in the speed - of the long arm. It would be difficult to demonstrate this practically to the Pro- fessor. We must fieek another solution. Jean Marie still. meditate. Come to me in a fortnight. • Good night. Bat stop 1 • HAVE YOU' THE MONEY, das Gat?" I• . • "Much mere than I need." " Good ! Let us strike hands. Gold and Knowledge; Science and Love. What may not kuch a partnership achieve.? We go to conqiier thee, Ab- scissa. frorwart,s I" When, at ; the end of a fortnight, 1 sought Rivarol's chamber, 1 passed with some little trepidation over the terminus of the Air Line to Keigeellen's Land, ancl evaded the extendecl arms of the Petty -Cash. Adjuster. Rivarol drew a mug of ale for me, and filled himself a retort of his awn peculiar beverage.- " Come," he said at length. '• Let us drink iinceess to THE TACHyPOMP." f` The Tachypomp ?" f` Yes. Why not? Taelat, quickly, and pomp°, pepompa, to send. May it send you quickly to your wedding -clay. Abscissa is yours. It is done. Wheal shall we start for the prairies ?" • ," Where is it ?" I asked, looking in vain around the room for any contrivance which might seem calculated to advance Matrimonial prospects. , "Itis here," and he gave hislonthead i aesignificaut tap. Then he held forth didactically. "There is force enough in existence to yield as a speed of sixty miles a minute, or even more. All we need is the knowl- edge how lc() Combine and apply it. The Wise -man will not attempt to make some great force yield some great speed. He taill keep adding the little force to the little force, making each little force yield. 4s little speed, until an aggregate of little forces shall be a great force, yield - i g an aggregate of little speeds, a great • •e g the forces; it lies in the •corre- rt eed. The difficulty is not in eggregat- p rnonding AGGREGA.TION OF THE SPEEDS. e musket -ball will go, say, a nsile, It 'h not hard to increase the force of inns- ets to a thousand, yet the thousand usket-balls will go no farther, and ho aster, than . the one. You see, then, i1h here our trouble lies. We cannot 'caddy add speed to speed, as we add orce to force. My discovery is simply e utilization of a principle which ex- erts an increment of speed from each ncrement of power. But this is the Metaphysics of physics: Let us be Practical or nothing. 1 " When, you have, walked forward, on a, •moving train, from the rear car, toward the engine, did you ever think what you were really doing ?" 1 " Why, yes) I have generally been goingto the smoking -car to have a cigar." 1 'Tut, tut-- -not that! ' 1 mean did it ever occur to you on such an occasion, Oat you were ' MOVING FASTER THAN THE TRAIN? '\ he train passes the telegraph poles at .the rate of thirty miles an hour. You ralk towards the smoking -car at the tate of four miles an hour. Then you ]ass the telegraph poles at the rate of thirty-four miles. Your absolute speed is the speed of the engine, plus the speed of your own locomotion. Do you follow Me ?" ' •I begin to get an inkling of his mean- ing, and told him so. 'Very well. Let us advance a step. Your addition to the speed of the engine is trivial, an.d. the space in which you can, exercise it, limited. Now suppose two stations, A. and. B; two miles distant by the track. Imagine a train of plat- form cars, the last car resting at Station A. The train is a mile long, say. The engine is therefore within a mile of Saa,- tion B. Shy the train can move a mile in ten minutes. The last car, having two miles to go, would reach B in twenty minutes, but the engine, a mile ahead, would get there in ten. You jump on the last car, at A, in a prodigious_ hurry to reach Abscissa, Who is at B. 'If you stay on the last car it will be ,twenty long minutes before you gee her. But the engine reaches B and the fair lady in ten. Yon will be a stupid reasoner, and en indifferent lover, if you ' DON'T PUT FOE, THE ENGINE aver those platform- cars, as fast as your legs will carry you.. You 'can run mile, the length of - the train, in ten minutes. - Therefore you reach Abscissa wheii the engine does, or in -ten minutes —ten minutes sooner than if you had. lazily sat' down upoethe rear car, and talked politics with the brakeman. You have diminished the time. by one-half. You have a,dded your speed to that of the locomotive to so no purpose. - wahr ?" I saw it perfectly -, much plainer, per- haps, for his putting in the clause about Abscissa. • He Continued : - "This illestratioa, though a slow one, leads up to a principle which may be carried to ;nay extent. Our firet anxiety will be to spare ye ir kgs 'ails]. wind. Let us suppose tha the two' miles of track are perfectly' our train one platfot M ith parallel rails u little dummy -engine let it run to and frO car while the pia along the ground tr.* CATCH. T1 The dummy takes our place. But it can run its mile ni ich faster. Fancy that our locomotive s strong enough to pull the platform ca over the two miles in two minutes. Ti e dumm'y can attain the same • speed. Vhen the engine reaches B in one Amite, the dummy, having gone a_ mile atop the platform car, reaches B also. We have so bined the epeede of he two engines as to accomplish two iks in one minute. Is this all WC can o ? Prepare to ex- cxcie your imagine- una" I lit my pipe. Still two miles: f straight track, be- tween A aird. B. n the track a long platform car, reachi'lg from A to within quartee of a mile C f B. Wei will now discard ordinary Toe motives had adept as oar motive power a series of COMPACT taaahsenro ENGINES, distributed lindens all aloug its length:: "1 - don't unders engines." , "Well, each of t1 em consists of a great iron horse-shoe, re- dered. alternately a magnet and not as magnet by an in- termittent current f electricity from a battery, this currea in its tram regulat- ed by clock -work. When the horse-shoe is in circuit, it is a a,gnet, and it pulls its clapper toward i with eaormous pow- er. When it is oa of the circuit, the next second, it is h t a magnet, and it lets the clapper go; The clapper, oscil- lating' to and fro, i •parts a ratatorY mo- tion to a flys-wheel, vhich transmits it to the drivers on the rails, Such are „air motors. They are- novelty, for trial has proved them. prltatieable. " With. sa, magma ie engine for every truck of wheels, w' can reaaottably ea- pect to move our i4nmeuae aan, and to drive it along at a ieed, say, of a- mile a. havingbuta quer- will reaoh B in 15 straight, and make • car, a. mile long. on its top. Put a on. these - rails, and along- the platform man car . is pulled k. E IDEA? ith the platform car, and those magnetic minute. "The forward e ter of a mile to go seconds. We will call this platform car No. 1. On top of • 'h. 1 are laid. rails on which another pla form eat's No. 2, a quarter of a mile sl otter thaw No. 1. is moved in precisely tpe same Way. No. 2, in its turia, is swan untecl byiNo. 3, mov- ing independently f the tiers beneath, and a quarter of a, ile shorter than. No. 2. No. 2 ie a naile ncl a, halif long ; ,No. 3 a mile and a quar ,er. Above; - ON SUCCE43, 1VE LEVEk,S, are No 4, a mile long,*iS',-o. 5, three, No. 6, half a mile ; -a mile, and No. 8, a 'on top Of all. upon the car beneath all the Others, at the to. Each canhaa its own magnetic engii es. Well, the train -being drawn up wi lithe batter cad of each car resting ag, hist a lefty bumping - post at A, Torn. Fu nace, tille gentleman- ly conductor, and Ierrai Alstrie Rivarol„ engineer, mount In a long ladder to the exalted No. 8. The complicated mechan- ism is set in motel . i WHAT IAPPENS ? -" No. 8 rime a a alter of a mile in 15 seconds, and react' .s the end of No. 7. Meanwhile No. 7 h.:8 runa quarter of a mile in the same t the aud reached the end of No. 6, No. 6,, a quarter of a mile in 15 seconds, and 'eached the end Of No. 5; No. 5, the end of No. 4; No. 4 of No. 3 ; No. 3, of No. 2 s No. 2, of No. And No. 1, in 15 secOnds, has gone its -quarter of a in'le along the ground track, and bas re lied station B. All this has been done n15 seeond. Where- fore, Nos. 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7 and 8, come to rest against the limping -post at B; at precisely the same second; We, in No. 8, reach B just wh n No.1 1 reaches it. ln other words, we accomplish two miles in 15 seconds. Ea h of the eight cars, moving at the rate of a Milea minute, has contributed a • aartet of a mile- to our journey, and h ir clone its work in 15 seconds. All the e ght did their work at • once, during the sa ne 15 seconds. ' Cou- sequently we have ecu whizzed through the air at the some hat startling speed of SEVE1'.N" AND A HA li‘ SECONDS TO THE M LE. • This is the Tachy amp. Does it justify the name ?" Although a littl ,bewildered by the complexity of car, I apprehended the general principle of the machine. I made a diagram and, und retood it much bet- ter. "You have merely improved on the idea of my re vMg faster than the train when I was ohag to the sutokin•g- ear?P" "recisely. S. far we have kept within the bound- of Oe 'practicable. To satisfy the Prof ssor you can theorize in something after his fashion: If we double the number of cars, thus decreas- ing by one-half the distance which each has to go, we shall tta.in twice the speed Each of the 16 car will have but one- eighth of a mile to fa. At the uniform rate we have adopt :d, the two miles can be done in 71 instead of 15 seconds. With 32 cars, and sixteenth of a mile; or 20 rods differen e hu titeir leegthe we arrive at the speed sf a mile in less than two seconds; with 1._ care, each travel- ing but 10 rods, mile under the sec- ond. MORE THAN SIXT1 quarters of a mile; No. 7, a quarter of short passenger -ear "Each car move _ it, independently o rate of e mile a min If this isn't rapid fessor, tell hira to number of his cars distance each one h yield a speed, of a ni let him fancy a Tac and amuse himself MTLES A MINUTE! enough for the Pro - ;o on, increasing the and climinisliing the s to run. If 64 cars ile inside the second, ypomp of 640 cars, aleulating the rate of enaort,h,lholog.n.640. :Twit whisper to him- that • when be has an infinite number of cars, • -with an infinitesiMal difference in their lengths, he wil have obtaiaed that iynefi;rnit.e , speed fo ' which he seems to and gretetuFatleuiration. I could. say I wrunTHgENmit)1EIN rAiNeiji)ds"3.shearns'il4A.il silent have lie'teaed to the man of theory," he said !proudly. "You shall now behold the paaetical engineer, - We -will go to the' weet of the Mississippi and find some suitably level locality. We . will erect thereon. a medel Taehypomp, th 0 will summon ther can to the Professor, his daughter, and why not hie fair sister - Jocasta, as well ?` We kvill take them, a, I journey whieh shall mach astonish the venereble Surd. Ile shalt place Abscissa's digits in you and. bless you both With ,1 an algebraic formula. . ocasta shall con- teMplate with wonder tie genius of Riv- 11,1'01. But we )1 ;IVO Ill#011 to de. We. ifnust ship to St. Joseph the vast amount of materials to be einpliyed. in the con- struction of the Tachypomp. We must engage a small army of workmen to ef- fect that constarntiosnp„acteos: aie,serabr,eapt8o you nihilate time„ Th`e'rSetosial°1111.astiOTS r delay. Gott. Willeu had better See your bankers." launched, I rushed impetuously th the, door, mtl_lypblu"tscil)ireiretiesied- inlloi-i:41nli.n°,1•31 and 1 hareelt bolted the—" But it was too late. e mem. 'reoes THE TRAP. It SWIllig open with • a erash, and I was plunged dowu, down, down! I felt as if'I were falling through illimitable space.. I - remember wondering, as I - ruslaSd through the darkness, wnetber :I should. reach Kerguellen's Land, or stop at the • centre. It seeees,d. ini. eternity. Then my course was stddeial.,y and. painfully arrested. . aaround me ev-ere I opened na.y eyes. the walls of Prof. Surd's study. `Crider me was a hard, unyielding plane which. I knew too well was '-Prof.. Surd's study floor. Behind. inc waS the black slip- pery hair -cloth chair which had. be'lehed me .forth, much as the whale served Jonah. In front .of me stood • PROF. SURD II,IMSELF, looking down with a , not unpleaaant sm- "Good evening, Mr. Furnace. Let me help you up. ' Yon look tired, sir_ eNo wonder you fell asleep when I kept you so long waiting. - !Shall I get you a glass of wine ? No? 113y- the -way, since receiving, your 'letter, I , tind that you are a son of iny old friend, Judge Furnace. I have made inquiries, and see no reason why you should- not make Abscissa a good husband." - Still I _can see no reason why the Tachypomp should not have succeeded. Can you? SPECIAL NOTICES BREAKFAST. —EPPS'S COCOA.--GRATE- FuL *ND COMFORTING.--‘` By a thorough knowledge of the natural laws which govern the operations of digestion and. nutrition, and. by a careful application of the line properties of well -selected coeoa, ' Mr. 1 Epps has provided, our breakfast ta- bles with a delicately flavoured beverage whiCh may saiie us many heavy doctors' billi."--ravi/ -Service Gazette. Made • simPly With. Boiling, Water or Mirk I Each packet is labelled—JAMES .EPI's & 00.1' Honueopathie CliemistS, London." MA.NUFACTURE- OF COCOA.---`‘ We will now give an account of the process adopt- ed by Messrs. James 4ps & Co., .man- ufacturers of dietetic ! articles, at their works in the Euston !Road, London"— Cassell's It/ousel/AN (14(le. , Ar4rTwenty years' experience ha using "Bryan's Pulnionic Wafers" have proved them to be the most effectuale remedy for coughs e aild irritationhof the throat, caused by colcl or unueual exer- tion of the vocal organe ; public speakers and singers will find thens most beneficial. 'The entire freedoin frem all deleterious ingredients renders ' `1Bry an's Puhnonic Wafers," or Congh and Voice Lozenges, a safe remedy for the imost delicate per- son, and. has caused them to be held in high esteem by 'all who, have used them. Sold by all medicine dealers at 25 cents per VERY box. SENSIBLE.--Horse dealers who are supPesed' to lillOW What effects their interest, purchase " Darley's Condition Powd.ers and Arabian [Heave Remedy" by the dozen aad fee -d tt to their -horses for the purpose of improving. their con- dition, which it always does —other's should profit by their example — Re- member the name, and see that the signature of Herd k co., is on each paekage. Northrop & Lyman, Toronto, Ont., proprietors for Canada. Sold by all medicine dealers. ; WHENEVER the laidilY vigor wanes, whether from the effects of old age, res- idence in hot climate, insufficient nourish- ment, child-bearing, aapid groWth, ex- cesses, the., Fellowe' Compound Syrup of Hypophosphites will impart the vi.s eke's' • to the system and soca' restore the un- wonted strengh. The fevr-stricken in-' esalid. whoenay have had his recovery re- tarded: by infantile weakness, 'INill rapid- ly recover under the influence of Fel- lows' Cern:pound Syrup of Hypophose phites. When hope forsakes the poor consumptive let hun not procrastinate an hour, as every moment gained is hivala- able. The disease is 'positively curable by FelloWs' Compound Syrup of lino - phosphites, in tte earlier stages, while the later and hopeless cases life may be .prolonged, and the pa- tient made capable of performing his regular avocations for years, feel- ing little inconvenience from his malady. The distressed. asthinatic—the bronchitis sufferer may both become sound and healthy from using, Fellows' Compound Syrup of Hypophoephites. The dispirit- ed dyspeptic call be aesnred of success- ful and. rational treatment of his disease. Good digestion returns when nervous atrength is restored. Fellows' Compound Syrup of Hypopbosphites renews nervous strength and consequently cures clyspep- tsi4eatinTghicsi3i.ssptehi jcsia7ly ;sound manner of teals to supply bloodviAmri;eontheetliulnegslacto- vitalize the blood, tone the nerves to build up muscle from blood. The blood, the muscles and the nerves constitute the organ, as the etomach is the organ of di- gestion, and as Fellowe' Hypophosphites NNvir iitilh i033 lu pt adrotu sbt tr eenugr tell( 4 o, s pi; I; .s i oz g a u , it will : -ortf ells s. za al ahgzst:oat aNO.,uhtlathaa:) ELIXIR OF -1-, PHOSPHA' ' -',' ' of Food, and thietiZaftiot7 at:siCttiAlooLunfiiiiadly::bs,fimtoalitkiiielsoeinnd i because it perfects the Di .•all diseased coral obfo dzalitthby bBenlocoad: i. Phosphates are Nature's great restorative in Ner- i wevietnhrstciaoann:sPosfyha3in'Bbiiiaid.ki Prostration, visiug from over - I :as irigdganrinaanii;ofaftenh ebtd:ilreVeebody.li ai Vital diseases, irreseb, Sold asei 1 ., etitaajaY*tut icisailia:fet..0.Ni;lithtieZitteluluesBleegathen°d3ilailif meijtvieerees; ' I GAUTT-11.1 a ----1--e, —A Tipp aeary gentian . why he did .hrt take al a -cause," sal i h -e-, my- fat , died, left m • a gond - atan and I haveo t read th' m t —Tbe ea titan of the IN in givilig an answer le a was illastra ed to Tht. . dent, the ( tiler day,, Eastern fri eid of, Min were not 11 rteel flin -rens- " Wa,s not'istber'e d den ?" Sle via, alriawing 0 his pocket, nd pi4llitig is the interr esateJi eeoiti. t‘ ‘‘IX:e.,:'al, ra 1 eer i1 u1 . 1-Vheitv.— dined to re .eiel'e:4-aastelIsna; 1 ' from a yell{ w fever loceseli •ea(t—clAi th3e,ocili sv..erarms..44.017, •1 ay7molignt:::lia )11%14:_rillE.„,.eva: serve an at- achaseht aga • upon her, 1 DA 7 attachment ter :von.- attaChInent WAS twa The viave ( iblaelhal. e Mcip*e " You (isn't undo MI tia,t proce 4 to eourt. '- 1 "1 knot ' it is lereay prefer you 4 do the vela "Mrs. ------, this ..i - trilling ; ti e jastie*e is WI i 44 The ju tiec! why, --A slie et -stealer V • ceped eonsoetion Arns rtc the very net, and civilly . cuse he ha= to olkr. I apt. He 1 1 to admit e: • tahigae stlaselz A iiiitet la;11:,.1z1t.1- ., -... in that vast, Ste if .1 don' o—A del4or who ,owesel dollars off4cil his eredits sory notes of a lonalre payable onithe firet ap,A tive months, Wilkh AN.-,eri! first not etas protested e due ; and On the eredi debtor for an esepWiation. " The fact' ie, InV friVna, anything, land ai tided small portieeis to sae y I losing it all at 01180. L. DRIED 4k_PPLEA.---ThiS. • Whiell is jii.St now plenti. • ket and injgroceriee. 11 Ottawa enlizen hae a Wea apples, and saw Some isi1' mark -et the other dav• , precautioni to remove ihk, that all that klitters ie ! effect upoii his vision ws following effeeitut : 1 loathe ! lahljor i detest: Abominable -arkia. avpie, 1 look good Inhal, I lilt Or anythi ig thaa is it t - But of all1the grill $ beet The poorest is {tied api, •itive me toothaehe or In referen4e to sha kilti The fame • takest his gat 'Tis wombs, bitter, mat: They Jamie the hull to g And don'il take half thts Then on a dirty eord tk. And from seine ehaneW And there they- serve a Until theaore ready to Tread oninay -collie, or But doill pus me driei; 13-rana i • The death of ;Millard gested i iectission from. th occaSiOn: • Tribune estowed a his defettive educat grammar° and his skill . in the »se of tlo:-. Englie though he's styk may lat yet he never found xliste hag bimeelf- with alone in. Eagli.'4i es:. ardinary - characteilistie of oar A. cated nitre theneh not greSS, pee -haps, tould p. of Milton. The C.die up the ,aubject and tie our knoll -ledge lif Fillni • anee that early in hie or less, 1 all through devoted student of larger haport," that i a tion of tire language, and theii. proper force, ture of the tongue. Thie elaggZists a gre. study ofigrammar, win gun in t le beet 1 trust, is destined to sehoo i.otftheansils.) 1 etaiui. gtrlatngtil jite,1b4; i the old routine pares of all poresible studies -1 • tepees, glibly 'naming 1 1 nIlicellin.t,s„ne):ai Lfrraenfule eeii)leiiti:.„1:1, the euceessiveevords a t isof awpoiedalisiNtyiliiitthelte.asusihli<1 • them. IIn the "(neap • Cornellatniversity, for thettredit2,Pi 1117eAnt naIetr, pronennnal, tiartieips. adjectieles." lai1 bens this shift -Bing of the a 115 tA) latly ear liand t senteneise into subje now nttre geriierally improvement upon tip we suspect, capable o nolowiml :at olitalle devel( sillohtuelis4,.'llisielsoteTrtettir lt ' otherve ee tha 1 by .; ;am al Igu'irolgeelliannall aa_ is coins elled 0 etady t3tlie017 ati(i litfasniTir:IrlitlYktis4'• entraia4e "-jtiri)gtlier:(1.)11sallsai' but it i . absurd te sae and es. awine lip in t gains-etreatfr facility repititiOn -of " 1 le loves,' etc. 3,1net = the un Trannattieal V't • • he aii:;)i:ffiiltatiageihiitliuvi:e:1„..itt.,..3,14.4f)s:fesrltii.,:s1,:ilttlitiiiiiiIreill(tiiiii:gt.,:s,,,,,;.,,,,,,:it_:,...::::.: 4, rid. forced at all, lee LI tv,i114.tttli);t:is.• iitntiii)111+!liitv„in Nv'ettf.ys,aliTrealsItz:113,1.:,i,:f Latin, at ti're. profit oastly nenes years. Ilial gi.run chilslr n are not e.Lpt But there is a larg eal study, where the: powet of obeervation turn. In general '