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7561o5841
ROSS,
- Treasurer
Os. Varese
•
po5i10
WM. F. LUXTON,
Freedonl in Trade -liberty in Religion -Equality in Civil Righte
EDTIOR & PUBLISHER.
VOL, 3, NO. 44,
SEAFORTII, FRIDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1870.
WHOLE NO. 148.
BUSINESS CARDS.
-MEDICAL.
lalp TRACY, M. D.. Coroner for the County of
• Huron. Office and Residenee-One door
East Of the Methodiat Episcopal Church.
Seaforth, Dec.. 14th, 1868. 53-ly
11C. MOORE, M. D., (Graduate of McGill
. University, Montreal,) Physician, Surgeon,
&e. Office and residence Zurinh, Ont
Zurich, Sept. 7th, 1870. 144
-rAmts sisw.ART, M. D., 0: M., Graduate
a) of McGill University, Montreal. Physician,
Surgeon, &c. Office and residence :-At MR.
COOK'S. Varna.
JJR. W. R. SMITH, Physieian, Surgeon, etc.
Office,-Oppesite Veal's Grocery. Resi-
dence -Main -street, North.
Seaforth, Dee. 14, 1863.
53-ly
TT L. VERCOE M. D. C. M., Physician, Sur-
geon, etc..- Office and. Residence, corner
cif Market and High Street, immediately in rear
of Kidd & McMulkin's Store.
Seaforth, Feb. 4th. 1870. 53-1y.
JCAMPBELL, M. D. C. M, (Graduate of Me-
„, Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur-
geon, etc. , Sea -forth , Office' and Residence -Old
Poet Office Building, up stairs, where he will be
found by night or day when at home.
&Mortis, July 15th, 1869.
84-ly
LEGAL.
"r)WA4TKER, Attorney -at -Law and So-
„ lieitor-in-Chancery, Conveyancer. Notary
Public, &e. Office of the Clerk of the Peace, -
Court House, Goderich. Ont.
N.B.-Money to lend at 8 per cent on Farm
Lands. ' •
Goderich, Jan y. 28. 1870.
..112-1y.,
It yr tCA.UG HEY & HOLMSTEAD, Barristers,
1Y1 Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery
and insolvency, Notaries Public and Conveyanc-
ers. Solicitors for the E. 0. Bank, Seaforth,
Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co.
-Y. R-$30,000 to lend at 8 per cent Farms,
Rouses and Lots for sale.
_
Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. 53-tf. -
IDENSON & MEYER, Barristers and Attorney
1) at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and_ Insolv-
ency, Con V 2 V ancers, -Note-lies Public, etc. Of-
flees,-Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents for the
Trust and Loam Co. of Upper Canada, and the
Colonial Securities Co. of Loudon, 'England. ,
Money at 8 per cent, no commission, charged.
TAS. IL BENSON, It W. C. MEYER.
Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-ly'
DENTAL.1 1
-4 '
I
G. W. HARRIS, L. D S Arti
' -
ficial Dentures inserted with all the
improvements. The greatest
toe preservation of decayed and 1
Teeth extracted -without pain.
Store.
14, 1868. - ly.
'r...;
'MUM latest
care taken for
tender teeth,
Rooms over Collier's
Saeforth. Dec.
HOTELS.
_ .
riOMMERCUVL
kJ Laird, p
modation for
and bar are always
markets affore.
Ainleyville
HOTEL, , Ainleyvill , James
oprietor, affords :first-class accom-
the travelling public. The larder
supplied with the best the
Expellent stabling in connection
April 23, 1869. 70-tf.
4-7- ONX'S goT
I1\_ dersigned
liberal patronage
in the hotel: business,
that he has again
stand, wh6-'re
from old friends,
.
Seaforth, May
EL (LATE SHARP'S) The un -
begs to thank the public for the .
awarded to him rn. times past .
and also to !inform . them •
resumed business“in the above :
he will be happy to - have a call
and many new ones. ..
, THOMAS KONX. ,
5, 1870. ' 126-tf. :
f
1- R. ROSS, Proprietor New ' Dominion Hotel., ]
efi , begs to inform the people of Seaforth and ]
the travelling communitsrgseseralfy, that hekeeps 1
first-class accommodation in every thing required '
by travellers. A good stable and willing hostler .t
always on hand, Regular Boarders will receive )
every necessary attention. 1
Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869, 63-1ys
t
pRITIS II EXCHANGE HOTEL, G ODERICH,
.1) ONT. , J. CALLAWAY, PROPRIETOR ; J. S. Is
WreerAMS, (late of American Hotel, Warsaw, N. N
Y.) Manager. ' This hotel has recently been new- 8
ly furnished, and. refitted throughout, and is now 1
one of the most crimfertable and Tcomniodione, in i
the Proviruie. , Good. Sample Remiss for Comairer- a'
eial Travellers. • Terms liberal. '
s.
Godexict, April 14, 1870. 123-tf. a
•1
MISCELLANEOUS. n
c
- c
_
Q HARP'S LIVERY STABLE, MAIN ST,- d
0 S EA EOR TII. First Case Horses and Carriages a
always on hand at reasonable terms. . • ii
R .-L SHARP, Proprietor. .b.
Seaforth, May 5th, 1870. , 3.ef___ h
ti
Ct MAIM, & CROOKE, Architects, ete. Plans p
0 and Specifications drawn correctly. Carpen- n
ter's, Plasterer's, and. Mason's work, measured 1
and valued. Office -Over J. C. Detlor & Co.'s a
store, Court -House Square, Goderieh. n
Goderich, April 23, 1869. 79-1y. h
,. • w
& W. McPHILLIPS, .Provincial Land Sur- c(
. veyors, Civil Engineers, etc. A_11 manner ao
of Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatch. Is
G.- McPhillips, Commissioner in B. R. Office- ai
Next door south of Sharp's Hotell Seaforth. ai
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. 53-ly . g4
w
e
10 HAZLEHIMST, Licensed: Auctioneer for e)
I); the County of Horen. Goderich, _ Oat III
Particular attention paid to the rale of Bankrupt • 0
Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended 'on Liberal al
rerms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed., m
Landlord's Warrants Executed. Also. Bailiff hi
First Division Court for Huron.
Goderich, June 9th, 1869.
76. tf
FARMERS'BOYS.
BY H. M. LADD.
Out in every tenipest,
Out in, every gale,
Buffeting the weather,
Wind, and storm, and hall;
In the meadow mowing,
• Chopping in the wood,
Letting in the sunlight
Where the tall oak stood,
Every:flitting moment
Each skilful hand employs -
Bless me! were there ever
Idle farmers' boys?
Though thopalm_ be callous,
. Holding fast the plow,
The round cheek is ruddy,
And the open brow
Has no lines and furrows
Wrought by evil hours,
For the heart keeps wholesome,
Trained in Nature's bowers;
•Healthy, hearty pastime,
The spirit never cloys;
Heaven bless the manly,
flonest farmers' boys,'
At the merry husking,
At the'apple bee,
How their hears run over
With genial, harmless glee;
How the oomitry maidens
Blush with conscious bliss
• At the love words whispered
With a Darting kiss;
Then'the winter evenings,
With their social joys;
Bless me! they are pleasant,
SpeUt with farmers' boys ! -
HURON FALL- ASSIZES.
' Reported for the Expositor.
(CONTINUED.)
CR ABB V3 Mappowaen.-This was an act!on
brought by Chrisapher Crabb against the Sheriff
of Iluron, to recover the sum of 8279, being
amount which he alleges was lost by the negli-
gence of the Sheriff in not executing a writ plac-
ed in his hands against one G. McCartney. Ver-
dict for plff, $1.14. Cameron for plff. Sinclair
for defence. .
QUEEN Vs WILLIAM Mercer.-H. McDermott,
Counsel for the prisoner moved for an order re-
scinding the change of venue from Walkerton to
Goderich on the ground that the prisoner had not
been heard in the matter. His Honor ruled the
the motion out, the prisoner was put upon- his
trial, pleadingeNot Guilts . The trial to begin
on Friday morning.
Boitea NI) vS 11A3rILTON, Slander. Verdict for
the plffon first issue, for defton the second.
R L. Doyle for plaintiff. J. 8. Sinclair for de-
fence. •
THURBURN Youse.-Judgement by default.
Doyle for plff. •'
MCDONALD va.Ross.-An action to recover the
sum of $172.90 being balance of wages due plaiu-
tiff, Verdict for plff. $17.59. H. McDermott
for plaintiff. af. S. Sinclair for defence.
ROBERTSON VS RonERT BAIRD, et al, an action
to recover the value of 74 toils of coals, part
thrown; overboard and part lost on the route of
the Schooner Re' yina, from Buffalo to Kincardine.
Verdict for plff. Damages assessed at $303.60.
ts
• FE/a.vY, 30th Sept
QUEEN rs MERCER. -Murder.
SEBE TOLSMA-sworn, I know the late Joel
Dean. I saw him laet alive on the 27th Augnist,
le was g o on the steamer Seymour. on a hunt-
thg on up the lake to the head of the Pe-
insul a. e said he was going to Eagle Harbour
have seen the prisoner on the ,Seystoar. He
was porter on the boat, 1 saw him the day Dean
vent away. 1 next saw the prisoner about two
weeks after at the Fishing Islands. ITe came on
board the steamer. I heard at the Tslancls that
Dean was Missing. Mercer came down to Gode-
ich on the steamer. • I stopped off at Port Elgiii
und came down next day: I had quite a talk
vith Mercer on the way from the Islands, about
can. He told me that Dean was drowned, he
aid. the boat upset out of Sight ofsland. He said
ean went right down, as he had a lot of lead in
is pockets, the prisoner heist on to the boat, and
i. couple of fishermen came along and picked him
tp, and righted. up the_boat foe him. The men
old him the wind was fair for him to go to the
slands, and he was to steer for them. He said
ie was three days and nights before he saw land,
hich was called. Big Island. He said *Dean's
runk had a bear trap attached to it, and it sank
hen the boat upset. He said they had been
teering towards the AMerican shore when they
ere upset, He said he had Dean's jacknife .and
h6wed it to me, It is the one now produced,
' also show-edine some money, He denied hav-
g Dean's watch, He had $3900 on his person,
nd said he got it for wages on the Seymour end.
'tar, I next saw Mercer in gaol, It was the
ext day after he came downfrom the 'Blanks,
here was no one in the cellbiltthe boy alid
y object in 'going then was to see if he could ac -
omit better about the money ; also that the boat
ould not have upset as the rowlocks would have
lopped out had she turned 'over, and there was
lot of dirt in the bottom 'of the boat which was
her when she went away from here, I gave
im the money back, when I counted'it; andtolal
im he had better give Mrs,. Dean the knife, and
11 her al1 about it, I recognize the money now
rodu.ced as that I counted when he showed it to
e, Thepocket-book was dry as also the money,
telegrap ecl from Pot Elgin that the, boy was
ri the boat, and that from the story he had told
e he ought to be hrested. In the jail I told
m that if he knew ere any of Dean's things
ere, .he had better tell me so they might be re-
vered. I nevergave him any inducement to tell me
ything. I knew from what I heard at the la-
nds that he had Dean's watch; I told him so,
d he said, he had dropped it between the lining
d outside shell of the Seymour, and could not
t it out. I told Mr. Trainer that the watch
as there, and he got H. Marlton, the ship -build-
, to go along and bore a hole in the limng, and
found the watch. It is the one now produced
the next -evening I went up to the gaol again,
d saw the prisoner. I took the watch with
•e, and showed it to the prisoner, and said to
m I had got it. " He said` yes, that is the same
Watch," I told him that three Indians had eome
down from Eagle Harbor, who said they saw a
a dead body lying back in the woods. This was
• merely to try and find out what effect' it would
have on him. - I told him that must be Dean's
body, and asked him to tell -whole the body was,
as his wife would bo very glad to get it. He
then said that Dean was not drowned. I told
him if he Would tell me where the body was, I
would. try and get him out of gaol to go with me
to recover it, and- that after he had shown me
'whore it was, I did notthink the friends would
bother about him, (the prisoners.) 1 never made
him any promise, of any kind, or threat to make
him confess about the murder. I told him I
thought he would get Off easier by telling about
the matter. I might have led him to think that
he might escape after he showed me the body. I
am the owner of the Sellinotir, and merely went
up on her for a trip. Mr. Dean and -I were part-
ners in building the boat, but he sold out to me
some time before he went away. Mercer told me
where Iwould find a buffalo robe belonging to Dean
also a small sail, a small tent, and ati oar. He
said they were near where they camped. He
traced out on a Fiiece.of worth() ,place on the
Island. Ho also told me where he threw Dean's
trunk and bear trap into the water. He told me
where I would find Dean ;and said he could show
me the exact spot if he went with me.: He said
he threw two guns belonging to Dean overboard
and that the were near the truuk. He said the
chain got jerked off the watch when he took it
out of Dean's pocket, and that it was quite close
to the body, under sonic brush. Onthe Wedneal
day, a party consisting of Mr. Trainer, Capt.)
Dancy, Mr Moorhouse, Mr Hosker, Mr A Law-.
son, and myself -with the prisoner -went up to
the lake in the S6mour as far as Southampton,
and then took a fishing boat up to Eagle Harbor,
where the body was. He first shewed us Where
he could get the robe and sail, and then
took us to where they first camped, and then
((hewed, us the route into the weeds. The traek
W as blazed init was about five miles into • the
woods before we got to the place where the body
was. Before wept quite up the prisoner stop-
ped, and I asked him if we were near the bodye
He said "Yes." Capt. Dancey was a little ahead
and called- out that Dean's body was there. He
recognized the body to be that of Dean, by his
moustache and clothes, alao by a breast pin he
had on him the same* as now produced. • Be also
showed us where Dean's game bag was. It was
in a small creek; a shot bag was also picked up
at the same place. He showed. us how Dean lay
when he shot him. He said after he shot him he
straightened out his arms. We found the body
laid out just as Mercer told us. When we were
looking at the body, prisoner shewed us where
he stood when he shot Dean, it was about thirty-
two feet off the- 1)04.- • Dean was- asleep when he
Was Shot. He said be went behind a knell and
fired at Dean, and shot him through- the head..
He pointed. out to us where the ball went in., It
was on the left side of the head. It was rather
hard to find out anything about the wound asthe
body was very much decomposed. The face was
quite bhiek, and thehead swollen. Prisoner said
a small money bag we picked up was Dean's.
We:put the bodyr on a piece of canvas and rolled
it up, and carried it to the beach, when we put
it in a coffin, and brought it to Godecieli. The
prisoner took u3 on shore on Main LStation• and
shewed us where belied put Dean's ring, and also
the compass. :here is a stone house on the is-
land, and behind it, he said,- the ring1was under
a stone. Mr Trainer lifted up the stone and
found the ring. When .Deart wore the ring it
had a device of the square and compass- on it -
but that had be.en erround eff. The compass was
got for us by the prisoner. _
( Ex. -Mercer said pea,ti bit him with a
gun, and he ran awatinto the woods.. He said
-it was on Sunday night and early in the evening.
He said Dean fired some shots. that way, after he
ran away. He said he was afraid of
Dean. There was a bottle in the game bag, con-
taining liquor; also some pork, biscuit, etc., in it.
They -did not find any bottles at Eagle Harboi.
The boy said Dean had been. drinking onthe Sen -
day. He thinks he drank threit ot four times.
There were more bottles of liquor but they were
in the trunk and svere thrown overboard. Pris-
oner said Dean acted rather. strangely that day,
and after he. struck him said, "1 will fix you -in
the moroing." - Dean was a very sober man, I
never saw him under the influence of liquor.
Prisoner worked on the Seymour. I often saw
him there. I never noticed. anything peculiar
about him. He behaved very well on the trip to
Eagle Harbour and back and steered the boat
back. part of the way. He could not find the
trunk, as the lake was too rough, neither could
we find. the guns, When we broughtth e body down
here, we put it in Mr Detlor's warehouse at the*
wharf, • •
DR. MeMicKANO-sworn. I am a Medical
practitioner. 1 made as good an examination of
the body as possible.. I found an opening in the
right side of the head a little to the -Tight of the
ear of about half an inch, and passing through the
skull. Aboat a half of the skull on the left side
was carried away. There. was no brain in the
skull as it has softened down, and ran out of the
hole, caused by the bullet.
CAPT. DANM-sworn. I knew Dean. On
the day I heard. about Dean beineer drowned, I
went down to the SeymoTr to see. the boy. He
was not on board, the Captain said. he had gone
up to Mrs. Dean's. I found him .there and he
told me that Dean was drowned. He said that
Dean wished him to go up with him on his hunt-
ing trip, and that he asked him fifteen dollars a
month.. Dean paid him thirty d011ars for two
mouths wages in advance*. They left Eagle Har-
bor on Friday. Dean said. he wanted to get across
to the American shore, and go down to Buffalo.
On Sunday the breeze was very fresh and they
were afraid they could not manage the btet. In
the afternoon a very heavy sea came into her
capsized her. He said he got hold of the centre
board and held on to • it, Dean sank and never
rose. A beat made for where he was and picked.
him up, and .erighted the boat. He said,
everything was lost Out of the boat excepting an
oar. 'The men told him he had a fair wind and
to go ahead. Mr. -Rosker was present when 1
had the conversation- with prisoner. I was -with
him•about two hours altogether. Mr. Story was,
also present. Iwent a second time to aft the boy,
when he said Dean was not drowned, that he had
left him en the shore hunting, and came away
with the boat, He said Dean told him he did
not want to come back to Goderich any more, and
that he had given him this money to come here
and report that he was ;drowned. The Engi-
neer of the Seymoyr had the money. He took if
from the prisoner.1 did not see prisoner again
till -we went to get the body of Dean.. On the
way up at supper time I stayed in the state room
with prisoner. I never offered him any induce-
ment to tell inc any thing. He1 commenced to
tell me how he shot Dean, and told me about
the same as he did Tolsma. He said Dean hit
him with the gun on the back, and said 'he would
fix him.' He then ran away in the gully, and he
heard Dean fire two or three shots into the woods.
He was afraid Dean would do something to him,
and he had a gun loaded with shot and a bullet
in it as well. Dean was lying asleep when he
came back, and he took Up the gun and shot
ehim: He said he shot him in the ear. We went
into the bush guided by the prisoner; and found
the body. Prisoner looked at the body and said
he was sorry for what he did. The body was de-
composed. The boy did not point out where the
bullet went in. He said after he shot him, he
went up eo the body and took his watch off him.
He said after he shot him he straightened out
Dean's arms, and raised his head.
k 1108KM-sworn. When we went to get the
body of Mr. Dean I asked the prisoner if that
was the body of Mr. Dean, whom he shot. He
said it was. My reason for asking that was, that
the body was so much decomposed that it was al-
most impossible to identify him. I asked him if
he did not commit the murder for the sake of
getting thomoney, but he did not answer me.
He said he thought he had more inoney than was
• found on him. I was on the Islands when the
ring was found. .
B. Titantsat-sworn. I know the prisoner. I
first heard that Mr. Dean was drowned on the
14th Sept, I asked him what became of Mr.
Dean and he said he was drowned. ; He said the
five dollar gold piece he got from his uncle. I
saw him again and spoke again about the mats
ter,. and he then told me that he got the gold
piece from Dean, also the paper money fo his
wages. I went up to Eagle Harbor in charge of
the prisoner. He told us where we would find
the Btiffalo rebe and the other articles before
mentioned. 1-ile described ho -w he committed the
murder. He'said it was done about midnight.
He said he intended to give the money to „Mrs.
Dem. The breast ,pin now produced, Ito*, from
the ,bedy of Dean. He described the spot *here
the ring and compass could be found, and we
found them as he said. He said he took the ring
off Dean's finger. He told me several times that
he was sorry :for what he had done; but that
if any one ever did him an injury, he always
-wanted to have revenge.
J. Meeeeu-sworn. I am the father of the
prisoner. He has not resided with 'us since Jan-
uary last. He has met with severe accidents.
when he sva)3 about five years of age, he fell off a
log, and a stick ran in the back' of his head;
lien nine years, a horse struck him and knocked
him insensible. He was ill tor a long time after,
another time I found him under the manger in
my stable, where he had been pitched by the horse,
and when 1 lifted him up' to stand up, he could
not do so. He seemed asif waking out of asleep.
When I let go, of him he fell down. I carried
him to the house, he was not ill long. The next
time he fell from the top of the stairs -on his he
striking On a chair. 1 had to get the doctor th t
time. He was nine years ohl then. We, never
could send him to the store for anything we -Want-
ed, as he would bring the wrong article. He
could not learn anything at school. He was in
the habit of getting up in the night, for the last
three years, and would move things from their
proper places in the rooms. He was horne in 1
July last. I noticed nothing unusual then.
CROSS Ex. -I do not know-how he was on the
boat. Before going ou the Seymour he worked
on Mr. Malierson's boat. I took him to Luck -
now to go with McPherson to his vessel. I did
not tell McPherson that there was anything
wrong about him, About three years ago he left
home to go to Michigan with some boys, but in-
stead of going, went to Mr. Armand's in Col-
borne. I did not find out for two weeks after
where he went to, and at once went and brought
him home. Since he left home he has been
-working around vessels. He went to school
about 8 years, but never made any progress.
The prisoner was ably defended by r F Toms
and 11 Macdermott, Esquires. C Robinson, Esq,
addressed thealury on behalf of the Crown, H
Macdermott, Esq, followed on behalf of the pri-
soner. Atter being charged by His Lordship, the
Jury, in less than half an hour, returned with a
verdict (').11GUILTY, recommending him to mercy.
His Losilship then sentenced the prisoner to be
execitted on the 29th De-cember next.
HERR VS GARDINER, ejectment, Ciuneron for
plff. (' Robinson and Gooding for deft. Verdict
for plff.
Monday, 3 Oct.
ARCIIICALD l's HALDANE, Cameron for plaintiff.
Robinson and Sinlair for defence. Verdict for
plff,- $214.
Moons. VS TivrrHIcx 0 Robinson and Good-
ing for plff. Doyle !for defence. Verdict, dam-
ages $99.
PRESENTMENT OF GRAND JURY.
County of Huron We:: the Grand Jury of
To Wit the County of Huron beg
to present that wehave..visited the gaol and found
everything in the most excellent order. The pri-
soners now in gaol expressed themselves - well
pleased with their treatment by Mr. Campaigne
the gaoler. We are also gratified to learn that
the resident ministers of the town (under the
Young Mens' Christian Association) have agreed
regularly in turn to visit the prisoners in gaol
-every Monday afternoon. We are pleased to
congratulate Your Lordship on the lightness of
the Calender although we all very much deplore
the aggravated nature of one of the cases to come
under your jurisdiction. •We hope the ends of
justice will be fully carried out, and we do hope
and trust that a similar case will never again oc-
cur in this Province.
H. HOWELL
• Foreman.
Grand Jury Room.
Goderich, 29th Sept., 1870.
The manner in which the poor Germans who
were driven out of Franoe were treated; is a dis-
rrace to the civilization of the age, Eight hun-
ed of them arrived at Carlstaihe on the 6th, hy
way of Switzerland.. The were working men
and their families who were compelled to leave
everything `behind. On theirway through -France
they were, shamefnlly Maltreated and abused.
Men, women and children were deprived of fond
and sleep, transported in open cattle cars, insult-
ed and drenched with water by the mobs Miro'
which they passed, and arrived in Germany half
dead with terror'fatigue and hunger. Such is
the conduct of a people who have boasted .they.
"move at the head of civilization?"
-4* itta• 1
An editor out West says he is so short-sighted
that he frequently nibs out with his nose what he
writes with his pencil.
VARIETIES.
a
Sharpshooters -A ching eeth.
Danger signals -Young ladies' blushes.
Tailor's Revenge -Giving a customer fits.
A post-mortem examination -Opening a dead
letter. =ita
There are various stations in life, but the most
desirable is a police -station.
An obliging class of men --Auctioneers, who
attend at every one's bidding.
- When are flower -seeds hke the French ?-When
they are germinating (German -hating).
In pocket -picking aa well taa in everything else
a man never succeeds until he gets his hand. in.
Do not choose your friend by his looks; hand-
some shoes often pinch the feet.
Men are generally like waggons ; they rattle pro-
digiously when there is nothing in them.
Of what femenine creature are you reminded
on the completion of a building ?--A house -made.
Is it not waste of labur to weigh fish, when, as
is well known they have sales of their own.
What is the difference between Scotland and
Norway !-One is the land of Burns the other of
Scalds.
Why does an engine resemble a young lady ?-
Because it has a trarn behind and puffs m the air
(hair).
There is an old-fashioned parlour game that
has never been improved upon, and that is court-
ing.
What animal eottld have dispensed' with the
ark ?-e-Why, the dog, to be sure might have set
up a bark.
Josh Billings says: "One of the fussiest scenes
I ever mee'd wuz two old maids waitin' on one
sick widower."
Examor.-"My boy, what/does your mother
do for a living ?" was asked of a little barefooted
urchin. " She eats cold vittals, sir."
Never deal with an -4 undertaker if you canpos-
sibly avoid it They are a mean?, set, always
wanting to screw you down.
A poet says, "Oh, she was fair'but sorrow
came, and left its traces there." What became
of the remainder of the harness he does not state.
Men are frequently like tea -the real strength
and goodness is not properly drawn .out of 'them
until they have been a short time in hot water.
i "Ain't it wicked to rob the chicken roost,
Dick?" "Dat'ii a great moral question, Gumbo;
and we ain't no time to arguefy it now, 1ian.41
down anoder pullet. .
The first day a little boy went to -school the
teacher asked him if he could spell. "Yes, sir,"
"Well, how do you spell boy?" "Oh, just as
other folks do.'
"Women," remarked the Contemplative Man,
" are deep as the blue water of yonder bay."
" Ay, sir," replied the Disappointed man, "and
as full of craft."
The "heart" is the best card in the chance ,
game of matrimony -sometimes overcome by a shuffling dia-'
c*ally treated in ing manner, and then
mon s and knaves, often won by tricks, and oc-
asi ,
cut/altogether. -
' Poon WomEtt !-A traitorous woman avows
the belief that if all the men were in one country
and all the women in another, with a big river
between them, lots of poor women wo-ald be
drowned.
'
"Come, don't be timid.," said a couple of fool-
ish snobs to two -mechanics, " sit down and make
yourselves our equal."-" We'd have to blow our
brains mit to do that," was the reply.
No people ever had a stronger faith in ilmor-
tality than the Celts. One could borrow money
of them to be repaid in the other world. Pious
Christian usurers should look at themselves in
this mirror .
No PERSONAL -t ( Sir, you are a, fool
yo -u call me afool, sir ?"--- "Yes, sir," --"You do,
sir "-"Yes, sir, I would cali any man a fool
who behaves as you do." "Oh, you would call
any /nay a fool. Then I cannot consider it per-
sonal. I wish you good morning, sir."
DRUNK.EN HAPPINESS. -The question, does get- e
ting drunk ever advance one's linppiness? Would'
seem to be put to rest by the Irishman who went .
courting when drunk, and was asked -what plea-
sure he found in whiskey. "Oh, Biddy, its a
trate entirely, to see two of your swate purty •
faces instead of one."
The farmer plants his seed, and, while he is
sleeping, his corn is growing. So with advertis-
hig. While you are sleeping, or eating, or con-
versing with one set of customers, your advertise-
ment is being read by hundreds and thousands of
personwhonever saw you or heard of yourbusi-
ness, nor ever would, had it not beenfor your ad-
vertisement appearing in the paper.
andidates for government offices in England
are examined upon various literary and scientffle
topics. Lately one of them, by a slip of the pen,
wrote "Veinice" in one of his papers.
"Do you know, Sir, that there is but one 'hen'
in Venice ?" asked. the indignant examiner.
"Then eggs must be very scarce there," was
the reply.
"Where do you go to Sunday -school, jimmy r
" Wyy, marm, I go to the Baptisses, the Me-
thodisses, and Presbyteriums ; but I'ee been try-
ing the 'Piscopals for two or three weeks."
"You don't seem to belong anywhere, th.en,
jimmy."
"Why, yes, mama, don't you see? I belongto
'ens all exceptin' the 'Piscopals ; but I'm gomg
to jine them toe now."
"Well, Jimmy, what is your idea in going to
sornany?"-
"Why, you see, I gets.a little of -what's going
on at "em all, marn1p4gets liberries, and hymn-
books, .and all that ;')Inct when they hevespienicsi
I gAonesAmto Devrazieryilmone._olih
f
'ee4lre."must have been some
curious specimens of Scottish tumor brought mit
lit the examination or catechisings by ministers,
of the flock before the administration of the eons-
munion. Thus, with reference to humeri nature
before the fall; a man was asked:
"What kind of a Man waa Adam?"
"Oh, jist like ither folk."
The minister insisted on having a more sPethal,
edepsciiapntaitionon.of the first man, and. pressed for morexe
Joes" Wit:p5014ehre
e1,"saitttheoSceotechinoopee,an" lie was justti
?" asked the miter.
" Weel, naehody got ony thing by him,' and