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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-09-16, Page 1.ist 360 lbs., for E FACTvRY, 140-4— JR SALE RABLE Mae• ituated, on St. ' TTER, &e., Main St. 136 tf.-- property at 64 to suit the bor- GALL; Agent awl sioner, Seaforthe th, 1-10USE RENT. e or to Let, a 011E-TIOUSE,— with horse grain . ted on the Grand e of the railway WS DUNCAN. 139— etually cur- ata -AD-WELL'S it4.1 See circa- nying each !ortle, and EX it 00. oughafn, ONEER ID HURON thanks to the in - liberal patronage meld respectfedly- te all orders in Orders left at erth, the Beacon rter in. Mitchell, e Agency attend. srket. Mitchell, 116-tf. (T OF °HAN-- Lc. e played out in et.' come to this the aid of the le Canadian pub - they find it up - ane alive to the ' Ra.clwa.y has to t it from eating who would like kach ? And the ieptember, ls67, t Pain Killer, as .. ek. Hill, but it ie purehasers to n Killer„ ----so I '._;- otthe genuine, ve hini a tea- t midnight, and • ead. . . 's Pam Killer, , in Court last ['hey swore that in 1865, ove 27,304, as the ey asked th e out of tl the word Pa; have change to PAIN KL cl cases of the pileptic Fits. trated that no ly prompt and Cholla, Pains, d ache that the a the PAIN edy. NT asea of various raedies'besides •tors. Victoria of Erysipelas, eats. by four of hopeless case. a son made- to Lit the use of at faculty had a tried his skill ,seph Clarkson, ed to his sight, eured of para. f her aria and )ur leading doe - e Electric Bat- ut two- bottles nly 75 cents, Those cases mends in pos. 1 parts of the entiment, and Liniment is aratian for cue RATIYE any unhealthy hair after be - and make it . No lady or grey Who ecording to di - mediate dress - 11 as a way of riant growth, for Washing le that every its value as A ar cause any MiceExter- • 139 3.14 WM. F. LUXTON, Freedom in Trade—Liberty in Religion—Equakity in Civil Rights". EDTIOR & PUBLISHER. VOL. 3, NO. 41, SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 1870. WHOLE NO. 145 BUSINESS CARDS. , MEDICAL. MD TRACY, M. D., Coroner for the, County of Huron. Office and Residence—One door Eas;of the Methodist Ipiscopa1 'Church. Seaforth, Dec. 14th,. 53-ly -10a 0. MOORE, M. D, (Graduate of McGill • Universitar, Montreal,) Physician, Surgeon, -&c. Office and retidence Zurich, Ont. Zurieh, Sept. 7th 1870. 144 -FAMES STEWARD, M. D. C. M. Graduate Jof McGill University, Montreal. :Physician, Surgeon'&c. Office and residence :=-At MR. Coax's. Varna. TIE. W. R. SMITH, Physician, Surgeon, etc. Office,—Oriposite Veal's Grocez Resi- dence—Main-street, North. -- Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1863. 53-ly TT L. VERCOE, M. D. C. M. Physician, Sur- .geon, etc., Office and -Residence, corner of Market and High Street, immediately in rear of Kidd & McMulkin's Store. Seaforth, Feb. 4th. 1870. 53-1Y. JCAMPBELL, M. D. C. M.; (Graduate of Me- • Gill University, Montreal) Physician,- Sur- geon., etc., Seaforth. Office and Residence—Old Post Office Building, up stairs, where he will be found by night or day when at home. Seaforth, July 15th, 1869. 84-1 y LEGAL. -1D F. WALKER, Attorney-at-Lati knd So- licitor.in-Chancerye Conveyancer, Notary Public, &c. Office Of the Clerk of the Peace, Court House, Godericla, Out. N.B.—Money to lend at 8 per cent on Farm Lands. Gocierich, Jan'y. 28.1870. 112-1y. 50A13 HEY t HOLMSTEAD, Barristers, Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and Insolvency, Notaaies Public and Conveyanc- ers. Solicitors for the R C. Batik, Seaforth, Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co. -N. 13. —$30,000 to lend at 8 per cent. Farms, Houses and Lots for sale. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. 53-tf. -DENSON & MEYER, Barristers and Attorney ILI• at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and Insolv- •ency, Conveyancers, Notaries Public, etc. Of- _ fices,—Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents for the Trust and Loan Co. of Upper Canada, and the Colonial Securities Co. of London, England. Money at 8 per cent ; no conimlssion, charged, TAS. R BENSON', H. W. C. MEYER. Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-ly DENTAL. G. W. IIARRIS,LD. S Arti. ficial 'Dentures inserted with all the latest improvements. The greatest care taken for the preservation of decayed and tender teeth. Teeth extracted without pain. Rooms over Collier's Store. Saeforth. Dec. 14, 1868. ly. HOTELS. r`i OM ME RU I AL HOTEL, Ainleyvill , James lat Laird, ,protaietor, affords iirst-class accom- modation for the travelling public. The larder end bar are al -ways supplied with the best the markets afford. Excellent stabling in connection .Ainleteville, April 23, 1869. - 704-tf. 17 ONX'S HOTEL (LATE SHARP'S) The un - ix.' clersigned begs to thank the public for the liberal patronage awarded to him in times _past in the hotel business, and also to inform -then that he has again resumed business in the above stand, where he will be happy to have a call from old friends, and. many new ones. ° THOMAS KONX. Seaforth, May 5, 1870. JR. ROSS, Proprietor New Dominion Hotel, begs to inform the people of Seaforth and . - the travelling community generally, that he keeps first-elass accommodation in every thing required by travellers. A good stable .and always on hand, Regular Boarders will receive every necessary attention. Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869. • • 63-1y. • • DRITISH EXCHANGE HOTEL, GODERIOH, • _.1) ONT. , J. CALLANVAY, PROPRIETOR ; J. 8. WILLIAMS: (late of American Hotel, Warsaw, N. Y.) Manager. • This hotel has recently been new- . ly fUrnisliecl, 'and refitted throughciut, and is now one of the most cninfertableiand commodious in the Province. Good Sample Rooms for Conuner- cial Travellers. • Terms liberal. Goderieh, April 14, 1870. 123-th MISCELLANEOU.S._ • SHARP'S LIVERY STABLE, MAIN ST., S &UDR T. First Class Horses and Carriages always on hand. at reasonable terms. . R .L SHARP, Proprietor. Seaforth, May 5th, 1870. 3-tf— .. . MAILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc. Plans and Specifications drawn correctly. Carpen- ter's, Plasterer's. and Mason's work, measured and valued. Office—Over J. C. Detlor & Co.'s store, Court -House Square, Goderich• . - Goderich, April 23, 1869. -ly. G& W. -MePHILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur- • veyors, Civil Enaineers, etc. All manner of Conveyancing done with neatness and -dispatch, - G. McPhillips, Commissioner in. 73. R. Office— Next door south of Sharte's Hotel, Seaforth. Seafertli, Dec. 14, 1868. • _V HAZLEHURST, Licensed Auctioneer for the County •of Huren. G-oderich, Ont Parilicular attention paid to the sale of Bankrupt Stixk. Iriarin. Stock Sales attended on Liberal . Terms. . Goods Appraised, MortgagesForeclosed, Landlord's Warrants Executed. Also,Bailiff First Division Court for Huron. Goderich, June 9th, 1869. 76. tf BE A WOMAN. Oft I've heard a gentle mother, As the twilight -hours began, Pleading with a_ son on duty, Urging him to be a man. . But unto her blue-eyed daughter, Though with love's words quite as ready, Points she out the other duty—. "Strive, my dear, to be a lady.11 -What's a lady? Is it something Made of hoops, and silks, and airs; Used to decorate the parlor, • Like the fancy rugs and chairs ?" Is it one that wastes on novels Every feeling that is human? If this to be a lady, 'Tis not this to be a woman. Mother, then, mito your daughter Speak of something higher far, Than to be mere fashion's lady— Woman is the brightest star, If ye, -in your strong affection, Urge your son to be a true man, Urgeyour daughter no less strongly To arise and be a woman. Yes, a woman! brightest model Of that high and perfect beauty, • Where the mind, and soul, and body, Blend to work out life's great duty Be a woman, naught is higher. - On the gilded list of lame ; On the catalogue of virtue , There's no brighter, holier name. Be a woman on to duty; Raise the world from all that's low, Place high, in the social heaven Virtue's fair and radiant brow. Lend thy influence to each effort • That shall raise our nature human, Be not fashion's gilded lady— Be a brave, whole-souled, true wom• an. A NICHT ATTACK. had but lately come tout from England tojoin Dick Merton, my former chum and protector at a public school, and my last friend always. Our joint and very modest capital had been invested in a league of land, bought for an old song on ac- count of its defective title (it was claimed, with some thousands besides, by the Pampa Indians, who made entry upon it --gave notice to quit by brandishing lances at us—and levied a distress upon our horses, awl upon us, too, in the Euro- pean manner ;) also in a few sheep, having the lathy appearance, and almost the speed of grey- hounds and lastly, in the materials for our house, of which, as we had ourselves been the ar- chitects, builders and clerks of the work, we were not a little proud. • It •was • built of sun -baked bricks, and consistedof one tolerable large room, a flat roof and parapet, accessible from the inside by means of a ladder. Around it, at about thir- ty yards distant, we had. dug a deep, dry ditch, crossed by a draw -bridge, and intended as a pro- tection against surprise by our enterprising neigh- bors'ethe Indians. The 'latter dusky gentlemen haat hitherto behaved themselves as such, and had confined their throat elating propensities to certain strey sheep, instead of gratifying them at the expense of the owners. But ugly tales were still told of their doings around about us—of white men taken whilst riding in sight of home, and tortured; of cattle driten off, and sheep speared in very wantonness and mischief—which were not re -assuring, and which caused 118 to keep a particularly sharp look out, especially when, as now, the Indian moon (their favorite time of at- tack) gave light enough to plunder but not • to guide the aim of defenders. -Dick Merton, changed indeed since the days when his word was law among a select circle • of Pall Mall dandies, lounged up to where I was 1 standing. His costume was • simple in the ex- treme, and consisted merely of a sufficiently aged pair of leathei• unmentionables, and a red flannel shirt—the wtiole being surmounted and relieved by a very long black beard, and a very short but equally black pipe; but throug* rough attire and surroundings, the indefinable ,te Ile • sdtis , poi of gentility was as clearly recognizable as when he was sowing his rather extensixe crop of wild oats upon home soil, and before •that memorable Der- by, which inckbed him, after settling with duns of every description, from fashionable tradesmen to " honorable " welchers, to embark himself and the leavings -of his property, and dwell among sheep and savages, until he Could return with resh grist to carry to the civilized mill. C'pan you see anything stirring in the camp ?" aid he, as he came up: "Those horses are mak ng a confounded row in the corral. I saw John - on, the Yankee, this morning, and he said the lichens had crossocl the river; and he guessed ve'd better keep our wits well oiled, that the usky vermin didn't look in when we warn't tea- ly for visitors." •• Now, horses were our surest safeguards against urprise. Dogs we had, too, but they roused us p so frequently by barking at nothing more for- ndable than a stray deer or fox, that --reminded f the gentlenaan whose amusement it was to cry Wolf. !"--we lost all faith in them; but our tit- le half -wild Pampa horses had a truer instinct, ncl their warnings, given by stamping upon the round, were not to be disregarded with safety. "1 can make out some objeets t• moving, about alf a mile to the southward," said I, after a long ok-out on the plains. "They are mounted men, by Jove !" exclaimed y companion; " and riding hard this way, too. tend here with your rifle, Alfred, while I slip artridges into the others. At this pace they 11 be here directly." AAA so they were. • Almost before Dick had ached my side again, twd " Guachos," their sual swarthy faces livid with fear, sprung from eir horse, which, covered with blood,_ sweat, - d foem, showed how sharp had been the ride, d rushed over the draw -bridge. Theytold us soon as terror would. allowt that three hundred diens were in hot pursuit, and would soon be the spot. and besought us to give them shelter to ride outagain into the •camp upon their unclered horses would be a certain death. Dick, rather to my surprise', for I did not then DW what distinguished liars the natives as a le are, calmly lit his pipe, and then ordered r visitors, in a somewhat doubtful Spanish om, to "make themselves scarce." "Unless," said he politely, "You can tell a ain tale, 'senors, without lies, vamos " (be off,) d "adois" (God be with you.) Upon thiS we learned, after ranch cross ques- ning, that they had been to buy 'horses (". to al tbena, more likely," interjected Dick) at 11 ; 11 lo wi re 11 th an an as In on 55 fo kn ru on idi pl an tio ste the station oi a rich Spaniard; Don Ramon Garcia who lived about four leagues from us, and that when they reached the top of a gentle rise in the ground, and had a view of the house, they had seen, to their horror and dismay, a large -body of the dreadedIndians,Who were attacking, for they heard shots, Don Ramon's estamia. "Whereupon," said the spokesman with teeth chattering, "We rode hard to your ;bode, well knowing that the brave Englishmen would not deliver us up • but let us mount your fleetest horses, and ride for life. Soon they will behere; and who ca,n witjastand the fierce bravos?" "If this is trih," said Dick, turning to me, "and I believe it is, for these cowardly scoun- drels' faces are proof that they have seen some- thing—the sooner we prepare to fight the better. Of course, they were not attacking Ramon's place ; he has a fort strong enough to resist a thou- sand men, and plenty of menand arms as well. Most likely they made a dash to carryoff any one who might be strolling at a distance from the house, or to drive off the horses; and it is equal- • ly likely that we shall have them here soon, where there's a better chance for a night attack. In any event, we must be prepared for them. Na- turally, we can't run away, and leave all we have • in the world to be destroyed, as thesevaliant gen- tlemen propose." My chum's calmness infused confidence into me, and though' dreadfully nervous—for it was my first fight, and a kind of internal fluttering sensation warned me that, like Vialo, I lacked something of a man." I set about our prepara- tions with a good show of self-possession. The natives—both the late arrivals and our own two men, who had often boasted of what they meant to do and had already done in the way of fight- ing Indians—were quite useless. They besaught us piteously' to flee, and so hampered us, that • Dick's patience evaporated, and having lavished a series of hearty kicks ainong them, he consign; ed them forcibly to nether and more sultry re- gions, kindly offering them horses for any other journey they might.wish to make. They dared not, however, ride away even from the coming danger; and presently- to our great relief and de- light, we saw them scrambling through the ditch and into our solitary field of maize, where, as we learned afierwards, they lay concealed, with their feces buried in the ground like ostriches, until the storm should blow over. Our preparations were very simple—a box of catridges was opened (for we were provided with those inestimable life - preservers, breachloading rifles) and placed ready to band; together with a bottle of whiskey and a jar of water ; the door and windows, our weakest points, were secured as strongly as possible ; and then, sheltering our bodies behind the paiapet, we peered cautiously over, and strained our eyes to get the first glimpse of an enemy: Nothing is so daunting as suspense to a young campaigner, and I felt my heart thumping against my ribs with excitement and a nervous dread that I should not play a man's part in the struggle we expected; But Dick'e voice, calm, low and with a slight drawl in it, reassured me. " NOw, look here'Alfred, my boy," he said, "if we have to fight keep cool, and do as I tell you. 'Reach your hand over here—that's right I like to feel your grip like that. New, remem- ber to aim steadily, as though you were winning a cup in the rifle corps at home, and don't show yourself more than you can help, for though those beggars have only a few muskets and pistols in the shape of fire arms, they can • shoot pretty straight if you stand still enough for a long sight. The great point will be to force the door, but we can soon stop that if you are steady with your shots ; and they can't fire the bricks. Do you see anything ?" . "There's something dark on the ground near the corral," I answered.; "it seems nearer than it was." "An Indian, Mire enough, and the ball's going to commence." A'S- he said this, Dick's rifle rung out in the silence of the night, and I saw a splin- ter fly white in the moonlight, about a foot above the dark object, which thereupon started up with a cry, aud fled. Then we heard the galloping of horses, and about three hunched red Indians rode into view, and breaking into twos and threes, cir- cled round us within shot—waving spears and shouting as though the whole company of fallen angels had met to lament their change of circum- stances chorally. " Don't shoot! This is all a feint." And my superior's warning came just in time, for a dusky cloud of men sprang out from the ditch (how they could have got in without our having observed them, was puzzling to me,) and. rushed, lance in hand against the door. Well for us that its fast- enings were secure, that we had not beeu tempt- ed to throw away shots by the first demonstra- tion.. Bang ! bang! went our rifles, and. I saw with a feeliag of pleasure that the man.I had cov- ered fell back- N-vith a hoarse yell. "DOA hurry but in` with your cartridges," I heard next, and both fired together. This was too much for them—they halted, Wavered one moment,land then disappeared by magic—our ra- pid firing having completely discomfiitted them. , "Down with yofi and I felt myself pulled suddenly under the parapet, in time to hear the bullets, from the cavelry outside the ditch, sing over our heads. "So far so good,". was Dick's comment. "Take a drop of -e-hiskey, and watch th enext mo ve. " The moon was now nearly over, but that was not so much against us, the night being, clear and starlight enough to see a man at ten paces. We could hear the trampling of horses' feet, and gutteral sounds of talking, and guessed that a council of war Was being held. Suddenly a spark appeared about two hundred. yards from the house—for they had fired the haystack—and grew rapidly into a flame. Brighter and brighter it became, and lit up the scene—which was one of those men do not easily forget—as with the glare of noonday sun. • Grouped around the -flame and out of range were our foes—their swarthy skins and snaky hair glistened in the firelight ; and they brandish- ed lances, and screamed with delight at the de- struction they had caused. Dogs were barking, and horses in the corral neighing shrilly and rearing with terror --some fighting desperately to escape. • I loo ed at my companion's face; it was very pale, and the expression decidedlyugly. "Look! he said, hoarsely. "Here comes an ambassador. Good heaven! look !" I turned with astonishment •' ,but the sicken- ing sight I Saw fully accounted for Dick's excite- ment and rage. A nearly naked Indian -was boldly advancing toward us, and bearing before him a burden, which effectually secured, as he meant to do, his iminunitY from our phot, ' A beautiful whitegirl of about seventeen, was lying helpless in his arms Her hands were bounl behind her back, and masses of coal -black hair encircled a face showing deadly terror and horror in every feature; and dropped nearly to the ground under the savage's arm. Her dress, torn from one white shoulder, showed how hard had been the first ineffectual straggle against her cap- tors. As the Indian crossed the ditch (they had cut the rope which held up the draw -bridge in the first attack) with his burden, Dick with a deep groan recognized her. "It is Rosita, Don Ra- mon's daughter," he broke out. "I love her, Alfred, and wilsave her or die with her. List- -en," he continuedhurredly, "this rascal has come to make some propoaals to us. Keep your eye on him, and the moment you get a fair chance fire at him. If you kill her itis the better fate. When I hear the shot I will throw open the win- dow (which I can more easily than the door), and try for a rescue. But for heaven's sake don't leave the roof • our only hope is in -your being able to keep off the others, who will rush from the ditch. Good-bye." And he was down the ladder before 1dould speak, leaving his hat cunningly adjustectabove the parapet. Poor Dick! all his coolness and sang-froid had, vanished now' I myself was not in a pleasant predicament. To carry out his half - mad scheme maPolved by running a terrible risk of shooting my friend's sweetheart, which at any other time would have appeared impossible; but when I read the angry and loathing in the poor girl's eyes it braced inytterves, set my teeth, laid my rifle ready and inwardly swore that no tram- bling of my hand should mar her deliverance. And now the savage, a truculent -looking brute, raised his voice, and demanded a. surrender. He threatened us with all the tortures his ingenious fraternity are so justly proud of having invented, in case of obstinacy,' and bid us look upon his captive for that she, too, should suffer for use As he said this he grasped the girl's hair brutally, and raised her head. With a sudden spring of pain and fright, she threw herselfaut of his arms and fell to, the ground. His time and mine had come. • As he stooped, my bullet- laid him dead by the side of his intended victim. Dick made a rush from the window, and the Indian thiers from the ditch as he had predicted; but as Ros- ita was rather nearer to the house than the ditch he managed to reach her first, and was retreating with her in his arms. And now all depended up- inc. ,My first shot, aimed- at the foremost of the assailants, mi3sed him clean; and before I could seize the other rifle, he had made a vicious thrust at Dick, who encumbred as he was, was quite helpless. The lance passed through Rosita's • dress, luckily without injury to the wearer; and as the savage drew back for a cooler and surer thrust, I had the inexpressible pleasure oflodging a bulled in his body, which effectually prevented aay further lance exercise from him. Then I heard a heavy fall in the room below. • Dick had thrown his burden through the open window at the risk of breaking a limb, and turn- ing found himself engaged hand to hand -with a dozen Indians. He set his back against the wall and threw his revolver with his right hand re- ceiving as he did so a spear -thrust through his left arm; but his and my revolver, fortunately preserved until now, played among the attacking party, and a man was drcping at every shot; so they drew off. Dick managed with great effort to drag himself through the window, and then, fainted away from the loss of blood and exhausi tion; and when I ran down the ladder to make., fast the window again, I found him comfortably reclining with his head on Rosita's lap, the latter having been stunned by her unceremonious entry. - But I could not stay to help here; my post was on the roof. I hurrieclaip theladder, noticing for the first time that I had myself suffered in the scrimmage to the extent of a flesh wound from a bullet. • The fight was over.- Throughout the re- mainder of the night, the Indians lingered about and stole some of the horses and sheep, but they • had _aot pluck again to encounter the deadly - breach -loaders. Seldom, indeed, had such a se- vere lesson been taughtthem, and when the glorious sun rose (never a sight more welcome), • -we-saw them ride, beaten- off .the -flelde bearing with them five of the slain; six other corpses were lying in front of the window, where the fiercest struggle had been, and two more were afterwards found, who had cra wled into the ditch like wild animals to die. • We learned from the pretty Rosita, whose gra- titude was most touching, that she had been cap- tured whilst walking in the orange garden near' her. father's haute, a short time before we were attacked.• "You, noble caballerous," she said, "have preserved me from death, and from what is far worse. God will reward you, for I can never." • I think Dick, however was of a 'different opin- ion ; at all events, he has always seemed remark- - ably satisfied with the rewards he persuaded her to make his. • Some years have passed since that eventful night. Dick and Rosita are living atDon Ramon's • estancia, that worthy old gentleman having de- parted this life shortly after there marriage. I, • too, am with them as a partner in the land, flocks and herds, of which we have a goodly quantity ; and whenever the increasing stock of little Dicks and Rositas ask me, asthey invari- ably do of an evening, to tell them a story, I know that nothing less will content than a full, • true and particular account of -the night attack-. • The contine' ntial p:rt.sta7the earth are Made np. WAly is the Ocean Salt? with minerals which are compounds, in great va- riety, of the elements. Most of these minerals aro insolabie or almost so, and thus remain .as rocks or soils ix their appointed places with great stability. ,Yet there are also soluble min- erals like common salt; or such as become so by chemical changes, and whenever water reaches them they will be taken up and borne away to the one last receptacle ,of the waters—the ocean. Thus from time immemorial, all the soluble salts of the land have been leaching out and passirg into the Ocean. . The ocean in turn, with the ex- ception of a sMallquantity of salt which is thrown up into the atmosphere as dust, returns hone of this dissolved mineral to the land. Its vaport Come down on the mountains and hills to be con- densed as pure waiter, and takingupwhat they may in the track; carry throughithe rivers new riches to the sea."—thus the ocean.has become the great reservoir e£ soluble minerals, andis for- ever briny in consequence. The same phenorae- non is illustrated on a small scale in inland wat- ers which were cut off from -drainage into the sea, like Salt Lake and Caspian Sea. Nearly all such collections of water „par.& sal. It is stated; that an American has iftated. to purchase the residence of the,late QharleaPickella at Gadshill for £20,000. _ VARIETIES. A mantle shelf—a lady's shoulders. Fiat falsehood—lying on yohr back. The legal tender—lawyer s affection. A Nameless Deed—an unsigned will. The flo' Of soul—Florence Nightengale. A Hirer-glyphic—A servant's character. Unequalled love—a passion for gambling. • Tied to Time—Watchmakers' apprentices. Men of paeans are often th? meanest of men. An ittstruirnent of tyranny—a file of soldiers. The old industrious " loafers" are the bakers. A. bad man is worse when he pretends to be a saint. Be as anxious to avoid making enemies as to gain friends. Sentiment for a temperance host—" Drink to me only with thine eyes." Legal Query—Should the limbs of the law be clothed. in breaches of promise ? Mrs. Miffins says her daughter is worse than a misfortune—She's a gal -amity. The surest way to hit a woman's heart is to take aimneeling. • tv Very fe ersons have sense enough to despise the praise of tt fool. • Did the late Mie Dickens write the "Old Curi- osity Shop" with a quill(p) pen? When lovers quarrel, do they retairn thekiAs- es ? Jim says he never did, anyhow. A rascally bachelor calls the friendship of two women "always a plot against a third." When a drunkard is liable to lose his head, would it not be better to fix it in a gin sling ? 4.n English tourist thinks the -most astonish- ing feature of the Amexican hotel is the clerk Be humble -when you are young, and you will be honored and respected when you are old. Beet sugar is asgood as cane sugar, because the difference between beating and caning is mere- ly nominal. "Lottie," said a little visitor, "what makes . your little kitty so cross V "-Oh, ;'cause she's cutting teeth,.I spec." ' • Which is best—the song of the nightingale or tbe lay of the barn -door fowl ?—Shut up, and pass the egg spoon.• Scent. How did you get that lovely per- , fume ?" asked one lady of another. It's scent to me," was the reply. - A Note in Music—Tenors who strive after the high ut de poitrine may properly be nicknamed the Toilers of the C. A witty fellow, in speaking of a man of indis- putable stupidity, said: "To become a perfect • brute he needs only instinct." Mary Come up—What flower shoulcl super - cede orange -blossom in the case of a bride who sells herself for money ?, Mary -gold. An editor out West sayshe is so short-sighted that he -frequently rubs out with his nose what - he writes with his pencil. Mankind should le.rn temperance from the moon—the fuller she gets the shorter her horn3 become. • A voice conies from Washington,. Territory, -saying, "Send us wives V .And a thousand un- happy Benedicts respond, " Take ours 1" • A laborer in an ice house down East was killed by a large lump of ice falling on him. Verdict of the jury : "Died of hard drink." A young man charged with being lazy was ask- ed if he took it from Ms father. think not," was the reply ; "father's got all the laziness he ever had.' , On a tombstone in a churchyard in Ulster is the following epitaph : "Erected to the memory of John Phillips, accidently shot as a naark of affec- tion by his brother." • It is- said that the reason there are so many mutton -heads in existence is to be found in the that fact such a number of children are "perfect little lambs." Love—What is love ?—A nuisance to every- body but the parties concerned. A private af- fair which. every one but those concerned wish.es to make public. Geology—Scientific Pedestrian : "Do you find_ any fossils here ?" • Excavator: "Dunn° what you calls vossyls,' We finds nought here, but • muck and 'a.rd. work." • Josh Billings is of the opknion that a great many persons spend so naueh money hunting aft- er righteousness that they have none left in which to practice it. • A man is said to be absent-minded when he thinks he has left his watch at home and taken it out of his pocket to see if helms. got time to re- turn home to get it. • From an old Military h.p. Man—Why laze the. volunteers like Nelson ?—Because thelast thing he did was to the for his country, and that is just about the last thing they'll do. What is the difference between an accident and a misfortune ?—If yourpressing tailor were to fall into the river; it would be an aeeident ; but if anyone were to pull him out, it would be a. mistortune. A gentleman , asked a little girl what it was that made a person feel so when another tickled him. "1 suppose it is the laugh creeping tover him," was the instant reply. • A funny man in Alexa,ridria, Va., the 'other evening, bade Ms wife and chileren good-bye, tel- ling thenT that he was. going to Ell hinitelf. He then jumppd into the well of an old ice house in_ that , localtty, but crawled through aedry dram. that opens on the side of a' bill near by, and. watched with delight the efforts of a, large crowd_ which soon collected to fish him out of the bot- tom of the well. . Some years ago there'll!' ea*in an Eastern town. an old man- who had a propensitY for "hooking" small and portable articles that came in his way. As he was poor and past labor; and well known 'about the town, no -further notice was taken of , specalations than to keep a sharp look -out when he was around. . A dealer had a quantity of dry - fish landed on the wharf at an hone too late to get them into his store, and, as he was abdut cover- ing them with an old sail -cloth, lie espied old B„, apparently reconnoitering- "Here -33. I must - leave these fish out here to -night, and fwill give. you these two if you promise me -that yo_u_will. not steal any." That is a fair offer, tilr- ,,, with a &lee at -the of- fered fish and then at the piles think 1 vim