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75.6 1 05 "8 61
•
ROSS,
Treasurer,
Co. Huron.
WM. F..IUXTON,
". Freedom in Tracie ---Liberty in Religion --Equality in Civil .Rights".
..
VOL. 3, NO. 37,
BUSINESS CARDS.:
MEDICAL.
R.TRA.CY, M. D., Coroner for the County of
. Huron. Office and Residence -One door
East of the Methodist Epiopal Church.
Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868.
53-1y
TT L. VERCOE, M. D. C. M., Physician, Sur-
geon,.etc., Office and Residence, corner
of Market and. High Street, immediate. Y in rear
of Kidd & McMulkin's Store.
Seaforth; Feb. 4th. I870. 53-1y.
DRW. R. SMITH,
. Office, -Opposite
Bence -Main -street, No
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 18
Physician; 'Surgeon, etc.
Veal's Grocery.. Resi-
rth.
53-1y
JCAMPBELL, M,'I). C. M., (Graduate of Mc
. Gill University, 'Montreal) Physician, Snr
geon, etc., Seaforth. Office and Residence -Old
Post Office. Building, up stairs, where he will be
found by night or day when at home.
Seaforth,. July 15th, 1869. 84-1y
LEGAL.
xF WALKER, Attorney -at -Law. and So-
, Iicitor-in-Chancery, Conve. aucer Notar
ss
Public, &c. O=ffice of the Clerk of the Peace
Court House, Goderich, Ont. •'
N.B.--Money to lend at . 8 per cent on Farm
Lands:
Goderich, Jan'y. 28. 1879
112-1y..
-CAU GREY & HOLMSTEA'n, Barristers,
Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery
land. insolvency, Notaries Public and Conveyanc-
crs. Solicitors for the R. C. Bank,- Seaforth,
Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co.
N'N. B. -$30,000 to lend at 8 per cent. Farms,
Houses and Lots for sale.
Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. 53-tf.
B
at Lasv
E�N
SON & MEYER, Barristers andndAttorne T
Solici
tors in Chancery and Insolv-
ency, Conveyancers, . Notaries `Public, etc. Of-
fices,-Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents for the
Trust and Loan Co. of Upper `Canada, and the
Colonial Securities Co. of London, England.
Money at 8 per cent ; no commission, charged.
'TAS. H. BENSON, • H. W. C. MEYER.
• Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. ' 53-ly
DENTAL.
G. W.• HARRIS, L. D. S Arti
ficial Dentures inserted with all the
latest improvements. The greatest_
care taken for the preservation of decayed and
tender teeth, Teeth extracted without - pain.
Rooms over Collier's Store.
Saeforth. Dec. 14, 1868. ly.
,H OTE LAS.
HOTEL, Aineyvill Jaes
Cb0° Laird, proprietor,. affords brat -class accom-
modation for the travelling public. The larder
and bar are always supplied with • thebest the
markets afford. Excellent stabling ip connection
Ainleyville, April 23, 1869. 70"•tf.
KONX'S HOTEL (LATE SHARP'S) The un-
gn dersi ed- begs to thank hank the public- for the
liberal patronage awarded to him in times past
in the hotel business, and also to inform them
that he has again resumed business_in the above
stand, where he will be happy to have a call
from old friends, and many new ones..
THOMAS -1 ONX.
Seaforth, May 5, 1879 • 126-tf.
R.- ROSS, Proprietor New Dominion Hotel,
begs ',
to
T inform rJormth
the people of Seaforth and
the travelling- community generally, that he keeps
first-class accommodation in every thing require
btravellers. A good stable -and willing hostler
alwayson
hand, Regular Boarders- will receive
every necessary attention.
Seaforth, Feb.: Sth, 1869.
63-1y.
RITISH EXCHANGE HOTEL,- GoamH,
al
B ONT. , J. CALLAWAY, PROPRIETOR ; J. S.
WIru .Ms, (late of American Hotel, Warsaw, N.
Y.) Manager: This hotel has recently been new-
ly furnished, and refitted throughout, hout, and is now
one of the most cnn-fertable and . commodious in
the Province. Good Sample Rooms for Commer-
cial Travellers. Terms liberal.
Goderich, April 14, 1870. 123-tf,
MISCELLANEOUS.
SHARP'S LIVERY STABLE, MAIN ST.,
SBanalTH. First Class Horses and Carriages
always on hand at reasonable terms.
R .L. SHARP, Proprietor.
Seaforth, May 5th, 1870. 3-tf
l�IAILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc. '� Plans
0 and Specifications drawn correctly; Carpen-
ter's, Plasterer's, and Mason's work, measured
and valued. Office -Over J. C. Detlor & Co.'s
store, Court -House Square, Goderich.
Goderich, April 23, 1869. 79-1y.
G& W. McPHILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur-
veyors, Civil Enbineers, etc. All manner
of Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatch.
G-. McPhillips, Commissioner in B. R. Office -
Next door south of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth.
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. 53-1y.
T S. PORTER, Seaforth, Ont., dealer in hides,
vs sheap skins, furs and wool. Liberaladvance-
ments made on consi s 7 so eras. : Money to lend.
Insurance agent. i ebts collected, Highest
price paid for green backs. -Office east side of
Main Street, one door north Johnson Bros'.
Hardware Store. 122-tf.
1110 HAZLEHURST, •Licensed Auctioneer for
the County of Huron. Goderich, Ont
Particular attention, paid to the sale of Bankrupt
Stock.. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal
Terms:; Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed,
Landlord's Warrants Executed. Also, Bailiff
First Division Court for Huron.
Goderich, June 9th, 1869. 76.tf,
EDTIOR & PUBLISHER.
SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 1870.
WHOLE NO. 141.
WHEN YOU WERE SEVENTEEN.
When the hay was mown, Maggie,
In the years long ago,
And while the western sky was rich
With sunset's rosy glow,
• Then hand in hand close -linked we passed
The dewy -ricks between,
And I was one -and -twenty, .Mag,
And you were Seventeen. " -
Your voice was low and sweet, Maggie
Your wavy hair was Brown ;
Your cheek was. like the wild red rose
That showered its petals clown ;
•Your eyes were like the blue speedwell,
With dewy moisture sheen,
When I was one -and -twenty, Mag,
And you were seventeen.
The spring was in our hearts, Maggie,1
And all its hopes were ours ;
And we were chiidrenin the fields,
Among the opening flowers.
Ay ! Life was like a summer day
Amid the woodlands green,
For I was one -and -twenty, Mag,
And you were seventeen.
T.he.years -have come and gone, Maggi,
With sunshine and with shade,
And silvered is the silken hair
That o'er your shoulders strayed
In many a softand wayward tress-
-The fairest ever seen-
When I was one -and twenty, Mag,
And you were seventeen.
Though gently changing Time, Maggie,
Has touched you in his flight ;
Your voice has still the old sweet tone,
Your eye the old love -light
And years can never, never change
The heart you gave, I ween,
When I was one -and -twenty, Mag,
And you were seventeen.
NOT GUILTY.
Do you remember a murder which, fifteen years
since, thrilled with horror the community of Lon-
don? -the brutal, cold -bloody murkier it was call-
ed, of the young girl, Gabrielle Arnot by name, a
ballet -dancer by profession, and the perpetrator
of which could never be discovered ? Well, I am
now about to lift the veil from this mystery. No
living peron beside can do it. Perhaps I, whop
am about to die, should let the secret _ die with:
me • but it call make no difference now to any
one living.
I loved Gabrielle Arnot from the first hon
saw her,, floating across the stage like a phant
of beauty, her exquisite form vested in gossa her long -hair rippling and gleaming 1
molten gold in the gaslight, her fairy feet seemi
by their own. motion to produce . harmony
whichtthey moved, she burst upon my sight 1
a vision of light- like something perfect and e
ereal, of which a poet may dream in hours o_ f
spiration. Nor did the charm wear away up
closer view and association. On the contrary,
increased. For this young girl, ' seen by bro was fresh and fair as by gaslight -in
dest, too, and gentle and artless,r andwinnin. ,
though she had never been :compelled by
poverty to `leave the sacred shelter of the ho
in which she had been brought up. From this,
the night qf her first appearance in public, to th
last dread '!hour.when she lay, palc and pure
marble, upon her couch, no word was ever wh
pored against Gabrielle's good name.
Though she worked thus for money, she
not mercenary. For I was rich, and I offered
make her my wife.- She refused, for she did n
love me. Others, too, were- richer than I, an
their offers sherejected with scorn: YetI folio
ed her ; I could not have existed away from
-followed her from place to' place, from theat
to theatre, indulging inmalf pain, half pleasure.
seeing her each morning, quietly reading o
stitching at her window, lovely in her simp
morning dress, and each evening; radiant in jew
els,. and gold and silver tissues, entrancing crowd
by her modest grace as" she floated across th
tage, ' or bent in half lowly, half haughty ac
knowledgement, ankle deep in costly bouquets
T did not seek to meet her -to converse with he
-I could not have borne that, but I would watc
' .er quietly, .myself hidden away in some sebur
ook, and in this silent devotion two years, of
ife had glided away, profitless to others as my
elf.
It was in the winter of 1853 that La Bell
abrielle" had. an engagement at theatre.
i�oe may remember how rapturously she w s re
eived on the night of her debut. You ma eve
ecollect what must have been noticed by'-jever
ne present, the very handsome and distingu
eking young man, the Honorable Phillip de Bar,
dest son of Earl of Compton, who made himself
onspicuous by his rapt admiration of the actress,
Tou might- also have observed another man, also
andsome and manly looking, but with none of
e aristocratic elegance of the Englishman, who
ood at a -little distance from the latter, and with
ark, luminous eyes, jealously watched every
ance of the latter, every look of La Gabrielle. I
w all this ; yes and understood it, toc.
The dark -eyed man was an old friend of Gabri
le -one who had known her when a child in her
wn home, and one to whom, for more t an a
ar pas her hand had been pledged. This it
as, in Part, perhaps, that had preserved her
me' unsullied. -
But now, ah, here was a formidable rival, for
port whispered that the future Earl, hopeless
winning her upon other terms, . had actually
Bred his hand and his prospective coronet to
e acceptance of the fair- ballet -dancer. Some
ubted it ; I did not ; for I knew what it was to
e this girl.
I had a room in the same hotel with Gabrielle,
d adjoining hers. Thiswas an accident. I had
ver before been lodged so near her. There was
'oor.between the two rooms, and I could hear
singing, laughing, or even talking, sometimes.
r laugh was light and ringing' as a child's anck
songs gay. But I noticed as days and weeks
sed on, the laugh ceased and that her
SOU
became plaintive. Neither did she look as
iantly bright on the stage as on her first arri-
in New Orleans. Something ailed La Belle
brielle.
n the morning she would ride with the Hon.
Killip de Bar out of- the city along the lovely
=vee with tropical trees and plants, whose very
�osphere is luxury. In the evening sbe would
lk, quietly, arm -in -arm with Stephen Stan-
ry, her betrothed. Sometimes, of late,.they
' not looked very happy when together. But
evening in January they returned looking ra-
r
om
a mer
ike
ng
to
ike
th-
in-
on
it
oad
o-
as
ern
me
to
at
as
is-
asw
to
of
d
w
her
re
of
r
le
s
•
e
s.
r
h
e
my
e
n
e
1
lo
el
th
st
gl
sa
el
ye
na
re
of
off
do
lov
ne
her
He
her
spas
rad
Ga
wa
bu
one
diant--he, serenely, manfully happy ; she tender
and joyous and I knew that there had been a•
re„onciliation. He carried in his hand a bouquet
of pure white caMelias ;. and when she appeared
upon the stage that . night, I noticed that she
wore those flowers upon her boson. The night
previous she had worn her diamonds, the . it
was said, of the gallant Englishman..
- I said that this evening was memorable. Lis-
ten and you shall judge:. It was twelve &¢lock
when Gabrielle carne to, her bedroom. She had
lingered in her private parlor, • talking with, her
betrothed, who had accompanied her from: the
theatre. Iheard the door closed, locked and bolted,
and the young girl was alone in the secret priva-•
cseof her chamber. I listened; drinking in every
sound. Some may blame me, but I do not feet as
though the act were a profanation, .for all my
thoughts of her were pure. So I listened, hearing
now her light step crossing the floor, -now the
- low hum of her voice attuned to seine opera air,
and at last I distingnished when she' deposited
her fair form on her couch for the night's repose.
.For myself I could not sleep. All that even-
ing my blood had been at fever heat. Never did
I so deeply, so_ madly love her as upon this night..
I had seen the gloomy, relentless looks of the re-
jected English lover ; had marked the serenely,
triumphantly happy face of the. roan who was
now in a few weeks toclaim this lovely being as
his wife, and bear her away from the gaze of the
world, to adorn and bless his own fireside. At
times I was -madly jealous and desperate, and
once an evil voice whispered in my heart, " Can
you live to see it ? Can you"ever again be hap -
By ! What is life worth such as will be yours !
etter (lie, you and she . together, and be done
with it.
She and I together ! How the thought had
haunted me in my gloomy . despair ! And yet I
knew I had not courage for the act. : So I sat
there, in the Clark, chill midnight, listening, think-
ing of the fair girl who lay so near nee alone, in
her pure slumbers. But was she alone ? Was
there not a sound, a motion in het apartment? the
falling of some light article ? the soft tread of a
footstep across the floor ? .
I.,listened. "heard what made my blood rush
in a torrent to my heart, and then sent it curdl-
ing back through my veins. I reached for the
small, sharp dagger, which I always wore when
on the. streets of the lawless city at night. I
seized the poker, which stood near. ' With one.
mighty effort I wrenched the lock from the door
and the next moment stood' in the room- of the.
danseuse, and face to face with her betrothed,
Stephen Stansbury. •
• Let the veil remain over the scene ; I cann
bear to speak of it, though for years and ye
its memory haunted me. Twice that night I w
to look upon her as she lay, pure and beautif
as a marble statue, her fair hands crossed upo
her breast, only her pale face visible above th
white sheet which yet could not hide the trims
stains which would force themselves into' vie
I could look ether now.without restraint ; coul
touch her golden hair that rippled so life-li
aboliher temples, and for the first time in m
life, could press my lips, to -her hand, her br
even upon her pure pale lips, that did not shrin
from the touch. And I did so as one may b,
and worship the -image of a ' saint. Death had
hallowed her.
Day came, and with it came what,1 had ex
ted and resigned •myself to -policemen to arresre
me for the murder.
It was all clear enough, s� everybody said
The door between my room and that of th
murdered girl had been forced open, and from m
side. The bent poker ' lay there in evidence
There, too, was my dagger, ' fallen in the pool o
blood which stained the bed. There was blood
-on my clothes and hands. My footsteps had
been heard during the night passing from one
room to the. other -a -scream had been heard -•-a
•struggle and a fall and then a murmur of voices.
There were people to testify to my constant
haunting of the danseuse ; to my eager, jealous
watching of her when upon the stage. The evi-
dence was all strong against .me.
The Hon. Phillip de Bar was.examined, but
nobody suspected the happybetrothedof the mur-
dered girl. On the .contrary, universal sympa-
thy
was expressed for him, and at the trial I sw
tears in many eyes, as, pale and wretched and woe
begone, he arose and answered to his name.
When the question was put to me by the judge
" Guilty or not Guilty!" I answered quietly,
" Not Guilty !" yet I made no defence, no expla-
nation. 1 cared not to live. I wished to die,
now that she was dead. My counsel and friends
made a strong effort for me, and, as pal know,
succeeded in getting me off at last on a plea of
insanity. I smiled bitterly to myself as I heard
the decree of the court pronounced. So wise
were they ! And so, from that day to this, I
have rested under the. stigma - thus indelibly at-
tached to my name. A murderer, and subject to
fits of insanity ! No wonder that men shunned
me ; that women and children fled before Inc. I-
ainglad.that itis now all over, and that I am about
to find rest at last, for I never shall recover from
my illness.
And now before -die, let me tell, you why 1
did not betray him -the real murderer. It was
because when I lifted the dying girl in my arms,
after releasing her from the -grasp of the jealous
madman, she told ine with her last breath that- it
was -that she was guilty -and she added : "Yet
I loved only Stephen, and, oh, for my sake, do
not betray me that he did this !"
And now, have I not proven the depth of my
love for this girl? And my hope is even that I
may win something in the unknown future -per-
haps a place near her there -perhaps even the
love that was denied me here.
I would not have told this to you, were Stephen
Stansbury still living. I tell you now because I
cannot bear to die with the name of murderer"
resting on my namc.
of
ars
we
nl
4
ei
on
w:
cl
ke
ow
ow
e
t
e
y
f
The Mitrailleur.
To destroy your enemy in the shortest ti
in the easiest manner,. and at the least pose
expense, is the first maxim of war. - The st
that whistled from David's sling, the -bullet of
"zundnadelgewher," and the volley of the ".
ahine-gun" had all the same object.. Since
days of Rodger Bacon the aimofall imnproveme
in fire -arms has. been to carry the greatest
ble distance. Grape, canister or ease and shr
nel, all contain bullets, and are all means of m
tiplying deaths; -The field gun.mows down h
dreds by its. showers of case at close. quarters,
at longer distances rains bullets from the 'bu
ing shrapnel._ The mitrailleur or maehine-gu
on the contrary, sends a large number of s
projectilessindependently, and with precision t
considerable distance. We may divide arms
the latter principle into two 'classes -first,. th
which discharge their bullets from a single b
rel, fed by a many chambered breech.; and,
condly,. those in. which each catridge ha* its c
responding barrel, the -charging and dischar
of which is direct, and more or less simple. t
obvious that,. for rough usage -and continuous
ing, it is better that a large number of roun
should he.fired from a considerable- number
barrels so placed as to suppor� each other
strengthen the whole machine:. The French -
trailleur, as well ate the Belgium Mentipy, b
longs to the second class, and the followmg bri
description is equally applicable to both : arm
The machine gun consists of a clusterof barr.
either bound togetier or bored out of the soli
and mounted on the same principle wan ordinary
i...
field gun. At a few hundred yards;. indeed,
would be difficult to distinguish between the
weapons,. as far as outward appearance goes..
the barrel is attached a massive -breech. action, c
pable of being opened and closed by a lever.,
the Montigny aria the cartridges are carried
steel plates perforated with holes correspondin
in number and position to the holes in the barre steel plate, in fact, forms the " vent piece"
the system. The central fire cartridges bein
dropped into the holes in the Steel Oate,,stand ou right angles from it, and the plates thus read
harged, are so carried in.limberand axletree box
s, especially fitted for their reception. Wh.
he - gun comes into action the breech is drawn.
ack, a steel plate full of catridges is dropped in
o its corresponding slot, and the breech thrus
orward and secured. The gun is now on fu
cock, and contains from thirty to forty catridges
hick. are fired by a `s barrel organ " handle, eith
her one by otie as the handle works round click
c
lack, or in a volley by a rapid turn of the wrist
hen the gun is empty the breech block is again
withdrawn ; the steel plate, carrying the empty
tridge cases, lifted out, and a fresh plate drop
ed in, if necessary. The advantage possessed b
he machine gun over infantry fire is that it i
ever in a funk. Bullets may rain around, burst
g shells may fill the air, still the thirty-seven
arrels of the Mitrailleuse shoot like one
an, and at 800 or 1,000 yards will pour volley
ter volley of deadly concentrated fire into a cir
e of from ten to twelve feet in diameter. No
oringor fixing of fuses is necessary and the whole
eration is performed so rapidly that two steady
of men could maintain a fire of ten discharges
er minute: On the other hand, the Mitrailleuse
co
• not well compete with a field -gun, and it is
with this weapon it will assuredly be met. Its
llets would have comparatively slight effect at
e ranges at which field artillery projectiles are
rhaps most effective, while its size would offer
very fair mark to the gunner. The foreign
ess are welcome to write fanfctronnades about
e sudden death of wretched horses at incredible
stances. This is peace practice. The horses
efrom the knacker's yard, notfrom the banks
the Elbe, and there were no Uhlans sitting on
em. We are also tempted on such occasions to
ake tip square root of.the reported distance as
e actual range. The future of the Mitraileuse,
wever, depends on coming. facts. The day's
xporiments are -over ; there are hundreds of ma-
ne guns trundling towards the Rhine. The
rum -like roll of their volleys may ere long be
and in the vineyards of Rudesheim, or on the
ge of:the Black Forest ; and the •thud" of the
let May strike something softer than. a wooden
get. Yes, the machine gain igen route for the
kine ; the experiments will now be on a gigan-
scale, and Mr. Cardwell may adjourn his spe-
committee until after Christmas, at any rate.
that the voice of war will have given the
dict ; by that time the Chassepot, the Zund-
':el gewehr, the shrapnel and the volley gun
1 each be credited with, a ghastly account, and
shall know which engine destroys human life
he shortest time, the easiest manner, and at
least possible expense. -London dobe.
mme,
ible
one
the
ma -
the
nts
ossi-
ap-
u1-
un-
or
rat --
n,.
mall
0
on
ose
ar-
se-
g�oor-•
I %s
fir -
ds
of
and
M-
e-
ef
s
eIs,
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In a late letter to Rev. L. W.Bacon, Father Hy-
acinthe says that his position now is just what it
was when he was here. In order to obtain, at
the present time, the priYeleges of being relieved
from my monastic engagements and reinstated in
the secular clergy, I should ' pass tinder
the yoke ' of the party dominant at Rome, and re-
nounce my deepest and holiest convictions." In
regard to the action of the Council on- the Infalli-
bility question (not then taken) he says : "What-
ever may be the event on this particular point, a
profound movement of reaction against papal ab-
solntism has been roused in the heart Of Catholic
hristcndom, which sooner or later niust have
amportant results."
Men are like bugles ;, the more brass they con-
tain the more noise they make. and the farther
you can hear them.
St. Clair Flats' Canal.
Now that the new Canal through the St. Clair
Flats approaches completion, some account of it
may be of interest. Under the active and able
management of John Brown, the contractor, it
has been pushed through with energy, and before
the close of navigation the .present season it will
be entirelaCfinished. The msportanceof the work
all admit, and its magnitude is greater than most
people have any idea of. It is to build nearly
three miles of break -waters in the middle of a
waste of waters for the beginning, and then to
dredge out a channel two miles long, the water
in many places having been no more than three
or four feet deep. This is the bare statement of
the undertaking, without mentioning the details
of the woric. The scene presented at the canal is
one ofgreat activity. No less than six steam
barges are employed, five steam pile drivers,
three tugs and a large number of scows, while
three hmidred men are engaged in the work, and
with their families, who also have their houses
upon the docks already built, quite a little town
is to be seen. The entire length of the cut is
10,000 feet, of which a litqe over 7,000 feet requir-
s protection by docks upon both aides. These
docks are forty feet wide and built in a substan-
tial manner, so that it is thought that tl?.ey will
effectually withstand the force of the waves.
Nearly all the dockage has been &heady finished.
The mud dredged from the channel is dumped'
between the inner and outer breakwater, and the
lintention is to sow grass seed upon the soil, in
the expectatien that the roots penetrating will
'hold it more finrdy together. The channel is al-
ready passable for vessels, but is. not dredged to
its full depth in all places, and as the work is still
goinion, of course it is )10t yet opened to general
use. 'It is to be dredged So AS to give thirteen
feet of water in all parts, At low water, and with
the present stage of water there will be fifteen
feet. The chatmel is 300 feet wide, and runs
nearly soutli, the head beginning in the old chan-
nel, but instead of the tortuous' course pursued by
that, the -new one is as straight as is possible to
make it,. thus saving a distance of three or four
and substituting for the dangers of the old
-channel a route which which will be safe- at any
time, or Many weather.
As erroneous reports have been in circulation. as
to the cost of the work,, Mr. Brown wished our re-
porter to s tate that thewhole amount so far expend-
ed was $350;000, anq. when cempleted it -will beat
an expense of $450,000. It was begun three year.s
ago, and when the magnitude of the work is consi-
dered, it will be seen that energy has marked. its
presecution.-Detrolt Free Press.
The shades of night -Window curtains -
Advice to a fanaer-Reep your weather -eye
open.
Pima, says that a silk dress should never be
sat -in.
A friend at a pinch -One who shares his snuff-
box wit you...
The greatest gift we can bestow on others is a
good example..
Why 11) a watch Eirea river? &cause it won't
run long without winding.
"Hear megnaw, ma,'-• as the operatic /mime
Why iaa drunkard like a bad 'itccount ?-Be-
cause he generally overbalances. -
What is generally called fast living is reallyno-
thing but dying as fast as possible.
A little girl of eight br ten simmers defined
dust Ear "nmd with the juice squeezed. out
A Minnesota- iuror addressed a note to a judge
in which he -styled him. " Onora,ble jug."
"Drowning men will catch at straws." So
will drinking men in the summer time.
There is a tobaeconist in Washington who re-
joices in the apprOpriate name of Plugg.
- The oldest books ca -i record are volumes of wa-
ter, and they eireulat all over the world.
A fourth uninarried daughter in good health -
and with a wish to go outiu the evening, is agreat
social problem,
When a Woman tries to catch a rich luau it is
evident that she cares less about husbanding him
-than his cash.
Whenever a young womat has pearls in her
gums not pearls m her mind, we advise her to
keep her mouth shnt.
A lady speaking of the new ga,therin a of lawyers
to dedicate a new. court -house said sa supposed
they had gone "to view the ground where they
must shortly lie."
paper that he cured his daughter of the Grecian
bend by paining water on her and holding her
out in the sun until she warpe'd back again.
. "I say." said a Yankee to an Irishman -who
was digging in. a garden, 'are you digging out a
hole in that onion bed. ?" "No, ' said. 1°'at "I'm
digging out the dirt and kaving the hole."
A mother, admonishing her son told him he
should never defer -till to -morrow what he could.'
do to -day. The little urchin replied: Then,.
mother, let'Seat the remainder of the pudding
A young man who officiates in a restaurant
went to sleep in a Syracuse church la,st Sunda,y,
and suddenly estonished the congregation by
awaking and calling out, " Ham and eggs for
two."
"Do you call that veal cutlet?" said an old
gentleman dining at a restaurant. "Why it's an
insult to every true calf in the country!' "Real- -
ly, sir, I didn't mean to insult you, retdaned
the waiter.
no South, no East, no West, fellow citizens."
" Then," exclaimed an old farmer in the crowd,
" it's time you went to school and learnt jo-
graphy."
A wag, reading in one of Brighaan Young's man-
ifestoes that "The great resourcas of Utah ire
her women," exclaiined :-"It is very evident
that the Prophet is disposed to husband his re -
The Idle Wind. -When is the wind. like a cer-
tain fruit ?-When it is current When is it like
music ?-Whe it whistle& When is it like a,ba-_
by ?-When it is squally. When is itlike &fruit
tree ?-When it blovas. When like a person in
deep grief ?-When it moans.
Miss Wilkins was a beautiful blonde, and she
wanted to go to Newport -so she told her xnoth-
er-to look for something for her dear papa.
"And what is it, "pray,' asked her mother, 'that
you wish so much to find for your dear papa ?"
"A son-in-law," was the gentle reply of the
blushing maiden.
The German philosopber,Lessing, being remark-
ably absent-minded, knocked at his own door one
evening, when the servant, looking out of the
'window, and not recognizing hira, said-" The
professor is not at home. " Oh, very well;"
said Leasing composedly, walking away, " I shall
call another time,. '
A wretch who had stolen his master's winew,as
thus made comicioas of the enormity of the Of-
fence by a New Orleans judge, in pa.ssing sen-
tence :-" Dead to every claim:of natural affection
and blind to iiour own interest, yOu have burst
through all 'restraints of morality and religion,
and for many years beenfeathermg your nestwith
your niaater's bottles.
A commercial traveller had arrived at a hotel
in Forres late in the afternoon, anti asked the
waitreas io bring him something tn eat, as he was
famisbing. "What will you have, sir?" asked
the waitress. "Aring a roasted, goose if youhave
it," impatiently answered the traveller. " Then
you niust gang on the spit yourser, sir," said the
att9elant, as she left the apartinent.
A. story is told of a man -who sung most piously
the hymn-
• That were a present far too ,"
"Wero the whole realm of nature mine,
and all through the singing was fumbliiig in, his
pocket to make sure of the smallest piece -of sil- -
ver for the contribution box !
A lawyer some what disgusted at seeing a eon -
Pie of Irish:nen looking at a six-siad building
which he occiipied, lifted up the
his head out, and addressed them thui-"' att
do youlttand there for, like acoaple of blockheads ,
gazing at my office. Do youtake it fora church!" .
'Pam," answered. one of them, " I was thi'nizing
80 till the divil poked his head out of the windy:" "