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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-07-29, Page 1tz' 22187O. YEMENI.' TIONAL. al and Fa ekiv. 'RovamENT insteadof One ,ctor of the 17.- RURAL e ixt announcing that Senn -Annual Vol - January.. This 6 the thousaaols who for future refereace, kilky and more eon, alseil. 0-n 'binding natainiag double the preceeding dolume,y menienee, and hence noW ammitaced—a materially ea- peptability of LL US SPHERE.. • 'la arrangement we Iadex at the. close of 01. XXIT. with july, es a. year, instead of rs Who preserve the air copies bound as ed, or wait until the he two volumes to - arse, according to ts. 1 • iN PRICE! r the aame as ths (or per Volume— t subscribers will be a by the change ; for Separately, or two in te "(lex at the close ve a great tonveni- 0. stave their papeas e n t bound. -A tiV...A.NbEMENT .'iamaot refrain froni. the lona-continued, RALLS lifIS OT ardent 6ver.the land,—those in every appropriate mreasingly manifest, e and Size of this. "Ex:eels-ion" rfapaovement.' These dinentiai Mends-, as. Like-- ke,alonsi ones who. efforts- to render the )eat,, most complete of its class in the 'Asian to improve as * vela es still more the in elligen_t and ri. :great p odueind g an Nation, •IVhile we excel , at efforts— rise, Lijierality, and a uaed to, secure con- respectililly 'ask the AL'S legion. of friends - Lad. thus widening its Ott YEAR. ng july 2ra1; will be with the preseut— Dolfble Quarto- Pages lustrated and neatly We Page and index aria, lume of 26 numbers,. „ r of 5* -2 numbers. Tea • $2.50- per year, einany to club agent.. a- more niay be made Ye—the fointer- Remittances by Registered Letter, be Publisher. subscribe and form .RAL please tell your !lent, and make- up nen Nianbers; Show - disposed to lend in- ArL. !_MOORE, :1-1,Caa-, New York. ▪ The Na.tional Pills area n ewalis covery in medicine. They are composed of purely vegetable eXtract prepared by a -newly eliscov- eand process-, and • arei sugar coated. They are the great blood and stomach urifier. They act • ont the liver with raagicar effectare rafId, searching, yet a thorough pargative, & have no equal as a first elass family pill. See circulars with each bex rid R HICKSON ealers generally. r TIN 00,, ors, Brougham, Ont. (orses. ises of the subscrib- ahen, an the 25th te spot on the back., wiaite mare with a 6- yearling grey colt. elation as will lead be liberally re- PlIEETOR Sereptei P. a 135-tf. 1. rsons from purchas- NOTE OF HAND, , in favour of Wait One Hundred and at S a.forth, July -elv la €4 ths after i•-.., he. . Said note fraud, I having re- ] do- net hold my - ON WRRAY. 136-3.— LET. at in. Scot -ea Block. nLent TOOMS in the &-ROLMESTED. 123-tf.- , WM. F. LUXTON, • •f 0 41111.1•11ft " Freedom in Trade—Liberty in. Religion—Equality in Civil Rights". VOL. No. 0 BUSINESS CARDS. EDTIOR & PUBLISHER. SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, JULY 29, 1870. MEDICAL RTRACY, M. D., Coroner for the Catmty of . Huron. Office and Residence—One door East of the Methodist Episcopal Church. Seaforth,,Dec. 14th, 1868. 53-ly . 11L. VERCOE, M. D. C. 111. i Physician, Sara . gem., etc., Office and Residence, corner of Market and High. Street, imniediately in rear of Kidd & McMulkin's Store. • Seaforth, Feb. 4th. 1870: 534y. faa , -FIR. W. R. -SMITH., Physician, Surgeon, etb. If Office,—Opposite Veal's Grocery. Resi- dence—Main-street, North. • Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1863. 53- I y JCAMPBELL, M. D. C. M., (graduate of Mc- . Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur- geon, etc., Seaforth, Office and Resideace—Old. Post Office Buildiug, up stairs, where he will be - found_ by night or day when at Mine. Seaforth, July 15th, 1869. . - • ' 84-ly .LEGAL. , , _ P. F. WALKER, Attorney -a -i -Law and So- . licitor-in-Chancery, Conveyancer, Notary Public, &a - Office of the Cleidc. of the Peace, Court House, Goderich, Ont. N. R —Money to lend. at 8 per cent on Fatal Lands. _ Goderieh, Jan'y. 28. 1870. 112-1y. • MlOATIGHEY & HOLMSTEAD, Barristers, Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and InsolYeney, Notaries Public and -ConVeyanc- ars. Solicitoi's for the R C. Bank, Seaforth, Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co. Y. B.--$30,000 to lend at 8 per cent. Farins, Houses and Lots for sale. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. . • 53-tf. BENSON & MEYER, Barristers and Attorney . at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and Insplv- ency, Convfyancers, Notaries Public, etc. Of- : fices,—Seafotth and Wroxeter. Agents for the Trust and Ldia Co. of Upper Canada, and the ' Colonial Securities 00, of . London, England. Money at 8 per cent, no commlssiOn, charg-ed. JAS. 11, 13ENSOI,T, II. W. C. MEYER, Sea -forth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-ly DENTAL. G. T. 11...A.RETS, L. D. 5 Arti. ficial Dentures inserted with all tha -eases latest improvements. The , greatest care taken for the preservation of decayed and tender teeth, Teeth . extracted without paiii. Rooms over Collier's Store. Saeforth. Dec. 14,1868..ly. I • HOTELS. .. COMMERCIAL HOTEL, Ainleyvill g James ka Laird, promictor, affords tirst-class accom- modation for the travelling public. The larder and bar are always : supplied with the best the markets afford. Excellent stabling in connection A inleyville, April 23, 1869. 70-tf. KONX'S HOTEL (LATE SHARP'S) The un- dersianed begsto thank the public for taa liberal patronage a.warded to lam in times past in the hotel business, and also to inform them that he has again resumed business in the above • stand., where he will be happy to have a call • from old friends, and many new ones. THOMAS KONX. Seaforth, May 5 1870. • 126-tf. T R. ROSS, Proprietor .New Dominion Hotel, • begs to inform_ the people of Seaforth and the travelling community generally, that he keeps firsteclass accommodation in every thing required by travellers. A good stable and willing hostler always on hand. ' Regular Boarders will receive every necessary 'attention. Seaforth, Feb.Sth, 1869, • 63-1y. • -11)IRITISH EXCHANGE HOTEL, GODERTCH, j ONT., J . •CALLAWAY, PROPRIETOR ; J. 5. • Warmerams, (late of _American Hotel, Warsaw, N. Yi) Manager. This hotel has recently been new • ly furnished, and refitted throughout, and is now one of the most careforfable aid commodious in the Province. Good Sample Rooms for Commer- cial Travellers. Terms liberal. • Goderiela April 14, 1870. 123-tf. MISCELLANEOUS. Cf HARP'S LIVERY STABLE, MAIN ST., SEAFoRTII. First Class Horses and Carriages always -on hand at reasonable terms. • R .L. SHARP, Ptopriefor. Seaforth, May 5th, 1870. •3-tf— MAILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc. Plans 0 and Specifications drawn correctly, Carpen- ter's, Plasterer's, arid Mason's work, measured and valued. Office—Over J. O. Detlor & Co.'s store, Court -House &mare, Goderich. Goderieh, April 23, 1869, • 79-1y. G. & W. McPHILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur- veyors, Civil Er nos, etc. • All manner of Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatch. G. McPhillips, Commissioner ;in 13, R: Office— Next door south Of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth. Seafort, Dec. 14, 1868 1 53-1y. T. S. PEtTER, Seafarth, Out., dealer in,hides, el) „ gimp -skins, furs and wool. Liberal advance• m.ents made on consignments. • Money to lend. Insurance agent Debts collected. Highest price paid for green backs. —Office east side of Mani Street, one door north Johnson Bros'. Hardware Store. 1 1224f. Tip HAZLEHURS`11, Licensed Auctioneer for _1_). the County' of Huron. Goderich, Ont _ Particular attention paid to the sale of Bankrapt Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal Terms. Goods App- raised, Mortgages Foreclosed, Landlord's • Warrants Executed. Also, Bailiff First Division Court for Huron. • Goderich; June 9th, 1869. •76tf, PRESS POEM. ' BY D. WY.LIE. Read at the Annual Meeting of theCanadian Pres, -1 - Association, held at Brantiro?q, July 19a1870. Gleams beyond the -dark Atlantic, • Little islands nestling fair, • Lovely fields, with hills gigantic, Nuts'd and fanned by Ocean air They have made the world wonder, By their power onland and sea; • They have made wise sages ponder, That so happy and SO free. • England, Ireland, Scotland, ever, In the Senate or the field,— Three as oneh-whene'er they sei-et, • To their foes. they then must yield. On the tTironer sits' our Queen Mother, Of Royal liae but pure in lite, - Not one harsh thought e'er we smother, When we wish her free from strife. • She islpurs, her children we. are, Aad may ages come and go • Ere her statesmen say—" you free ate— •• Go in peace, lioe your own row." Still, shordd such be .England's order, Canada inusttry her skill, • How to rule without disorder-_ -- Broken ties—a bitter pill. Yet ne'er in oar country's. history, ,the rear or in the van, Could be• told -the rueful story— - Crisis can't produce the man. • So sholild-days of doubt e'er hovel: O'er the sunhght of our march, . Some stout heart will SOOD uncover Our Dominion's glorious arch. Pointing to the lofty- pathway Oanada has yet to tread, When her sons, with laurell'd bay, Stand with 'Wreaths on every head. Wreaths to tell of hard-eatn'd glory, • Earn'd for deeds in freedom's cause, When is writ POMilliOli'S story, Aml its love of British laws. 'HOW for years we 10 'd and cherished All thatfs dear to British fame,— From our hearts can ne'er be perished, :What is dear to Briton -'s name, - Cast off, we will still be hopeful That from Int or hall will rise, Men, whose soils will never sleep -lull, Till. the latest foemae dies: Theu the mission of our Pressmen- - Be they:Tory, Whig, or 'Rad-. Will not strive for spoils or placemen, But aaakel war on all that's bad.' Point the masses apwards, onwards, To the goal all good mea reach, Freedom's shields and freedom's vanguards, Power of Pen and power of speech.. Dauntless, daring every tyrant, Guarding every human right; Curbing every evil penchant, That avoald Mar fair freedom's flight. To this work we fealty promise - With our hearts and with out pens, o be turn'd from it in nowise • Tyrant strokes or traitor dens. • Canadabeours forever, .Seas and Provinces as one, • All united, seyer'd never, • Till our final duty's done. • Then in heaven, well rewarded, • When the time is fully come Canada will find recorded,a-- Dominion's prize— most nobly Won. • . : Raiders dared to cross our border, • FiU'dw-ith thoughts of fire and blood, But our Volunteers, in order,Stenan'd the rascal brigand flood, - . - Sent them flying the Dominion, •'(Our brave Volunteers in rear,) Dastazds in the world's opinion„ Fill'd to lip with coward fear. Bravely aur men did their- duty -a- , "Honor to them for the•same,"— • . Comes from caery peerless beauty, • In their homes' in bush oriplain. Now the North-west ope's another Field for Volunteering fame, Where our Red Canadian brother Hand in hand will join the game. Jain to tmell all rebel upstart By a Fenian, feeling fed-, Scattering them with fiery-tipt darts, • • Be the: Rivers Treat or Red. _- So when war -plans all are ended, And the dove of peace conies back, Bearing with her the best olive - • Blotting out each war -path trick. Pressmen then wili grasp the' lever, Moving peace—good-will to all— Horns of plenty, empty never, Showered -on great and showered on small. Then Dominion peace shall flourish When•our victories all are won; Then the bright hope we will cherish, • • Canada's brave sons are one. PETER MULROONEY. • What it was that took me into the courtroom of T—•—, whether unpleasant business or ignoble curiosity, need not be known, even unto you, dear readers. • The only fact I wish you to under- stand is that I was there, and while there, it be- came my misfortune to meet once again -with my old acquaintance, Peter Mulrooney. When I entered the court mem, there i was quite a mixture of oval Irish and round Gerinan faces outside of the iron railing whieh forms i the barrier to encroachments upon the dignity of the bar, and judging from the broken heads and black- 'enecl eyes exhibited. by many of the spectators, it was easy to surmise that the occasion which had brought them together was to obtain the plaster of the laW for wounds which had lately been re- , a ceiyed by one of those spirited rows which warm up so delightfully the old Celtic heart. - But let mei describe. the scene. Within the • tailings, and: running from it at tight angles, were some seven or,eight benches, crowded with quite a respectable number of witnesses, consist- ing df a delicate sprinkling of all nations. Para- llel to the the benches, but on the opposite side -of the courtroona, on elevated 'seats, sat theterri- ble jury. The. central space. was occupied by a mahogany table, covered with green cloth, around which were seated quite a number of daintily dressed gentlemen, who styled themselves attor- neys at law. Seated in the centre and rear, on an elevated platform denominating the humble 'desk of the clerk, were a cou-Ple- of grave elderly gentlemen, withkeen eyes and placidfaCes, whose post of honor indicated the judicial nature of their fame Hans. - . - The case, .which was already on for hearing, was, as I expected, one or assault and battery. The facts, as they were dimly elicited, appear to have been RS follows := • •• The 'dish, who were the defendants, had, sonic short time previous, been invited to wake one McShane, at a short diatance in the country, while, on the same evening, the Germans had been out dancing at one of their ,customary fes- tive balls. These two parties returning home- wards somewhere in the small hours met; and meeting, fought , but who began theafftay, seem- ed as difficult of discovery as the philosopher's stone.. - Just as I entered, the counsel for the defence was in the act of of examining a slip of paper. Presently he called. to the cler 'Call Peter Mulrooney, if yo • 'What do you expect to prove by.him,' said the attorney for the proseeution. A great deal that may take you by surprise,' responded the other with a smile. Ah, I dare say,' said the prosecuting attorney whom we shall call Mr. Bibulous. • 'I dare say. these Irish always hangitogether.' 'Speak your 'sentiments naore plainly,' said the - other with a laugh; -perhaps you would rather they should hang together.' — ' I don't know,' said • Bibulous, who, being of opposite politics to the Irish parts 'Peter Mulrooney,' cried the clerk. 'Peter Mulrooney!' exclaimed the stentorian crier. There was no answer beyond a quiek shuffling Of feet, and an eager Whispering, inwhieh a-, touch of the brogue .preominated. . . Silence !' shouted the crier. And he called out again at the top of his voice— 'Peter Mulrooney.' What o'clock in the evening was it, sir r said •the prosecuting attorney, whose red nose was now getting fiery. 'Sorra bit I know,' said Peter. 'Think; fix upon some daily occurrence for • ,your guide, and. tell the jury if it was before or after.' • 'Oh l',said Peter, after apparently reflecting a little''it was after tay.' 'Ah, now we shall get at it !' said Mr. Bibulous triumphantly. 'It was after tea, you say. Well, sir,- at what hour do you usually take tea?' That depends upon convanieace.' said Peter, with an air of the most profaundthought 'Some- times we have tay for dinnera and sometimes we have dinner for tay.' The attorney looked vexed. I want. to know your usual hour. for taking the 'evening meal we call tea. Is it four, five, six, seven, or eight o'clock. 'Yes sir, that's the truth !' said Peter, nodding his head. Which of those hours ?' said the attorney sharply. • 'It 'ud be plasing ye not to be after bothering a poor boy, I'd be thanked,' Said Peter, 'It's little I know about the one hour or the other, we drive the tay time up and down the night so.' They attorney bit his lips--, Are you mar- ried sir?' said he.. - 'Oh, but that does be bothering me entirely, sure I think so.' What, don't you know wliether you are mar- ried or not?' Aisy—aisy if you plase, sure 'tis a troublesome question to answer, anyway- an' that's •no lie. Misthress Biddy Connolly courted an' married me now.': but it strikes me I ninst b7 widdy, n • • 'A widower, you MORI), 1 suppose—your wife is dead then?' 'Who, Biddy Connolly? Troth, sir, it's my sanous opinion the fatouhl woman is presaryin' herself for another husband twenty years forneust 1.18. 'YOU are divorced, are you?' said the attorney, looking significantly at the jury, as laugh as to say, Ha ! ha ! ha! there's a pretty witness for you. 'Divorced ! not a bit of it,' said Peter, quietly. `Separated, then ?: 'That's said Peter, and then bursting out into a low, rich laugh, he added, Oh, by tbe mortal, but it was glad I was when Michael Connolly came back from his shipwreck, and -aised me shoulders of the mathrimonial desavor.' • 'When you reached the house of the late MC - 'Whist ! ye Omadin !' said Peter, who had all Shane, what did you and your party do ?' this time been standing quietly by the side of the 'Wait in, sir, said Peter, with the utmost • other. Sure, as I'm not a little gossoon lost in crowd, there's tic) use to bellow after me • like great- bull calf: `Why didn't you answer thee ?' said the ern: surlily. Arrah, better manners to ye!' retorted Peter, would I be after disturbin' their honours in that dirty way, and I agentleman of standing', and a teacherof the decencies. 'You swear, Mr. Mulrooney?' said the clerk proffering the book.. `Do you take me for a haythen?' said Peter in- dignantly. Sure its not respectful to swear in a • 'wart of justice.' 'But you must swear.' Said the clerk sharp- ly.' . . . •- !Did ye'r honors iver hear the like o' that, said Peter, appealing -to the beach,—'Achristia,n man, an' a dacent lpokin' man, too, barrin' he has lost his crop of hair intirely—an' put on a strange lookin' tatch'—the clerk wore • a wiga-eto make me vulgariously an' feloniously swear before the face of yer honors, an' the gintlemin of the jury, and the gintlemin of the bar. Oh ! but the yar- tue of me won't let me do that same.' !! 'Mulrooney,' said one of thejudges, striving to redress Julie quivering muscles of his lips—his as- sociate was stuffiiim *a white handkerchief into his mouth---' Mulrooney you must be aware that it is always necessary for a witness to take an oath at the bar.' • • ••: Sure, sir, 1 know,' said Peter, innocently. 'That is what the clerk requires of you,' con- tinued the judge, who added, with a faint attempt at gravity; 'you will also recollect that it is our duty to commit any one to Prison for contemptu- ous behaviour iu court.' Long life to ye'r honour,' said Peter sorra 1:38. 'Let him go,' said the attorney sharply.' I can do nothing with him.' Peter's eyes now fairly twinkled. As he left he box, he -threw down the corners of Ids mouth . with the most soyerign contempt.• ' 'Augh !' he muttered., 'It '-ud take a dozen lit: tle red nosed men to bate Peter Mulroonev, ay- ther with the tongue or the shileliah, I does be thinkin'.' VARIETIES. Nature's weapons—Blades of as. Every fox praiees his own tail. A debt is adorned by payment. very little frog is great in his own- bog. virtues. ePs.r An old friend is worth two new Ones. aisednOt for your aneestors, but for your v Ask a pig to dinner and he will put his feet on the table. Go after two wolves and you will not even - catch one. Imaginary Setalars.—The pupils of your eyes. Orilha styles itself the watering place of the Dominion. Carlyle's last word•for obstinate stupidity is -"Jackassry." •• Scorn everything which injures, . in the least de- gree, another's character. The speaker who took the floor laba been arrest- ed. for stealing lumber. A Spanish proverb says, one "I did" is worth two, "I wish I had." Dining the last three Ybars the pepulation of Oriffia has doubled. itself. -• The barber who dressed the head of a barrel has been engaged to curl the locks of a -canal. • Schoolmarm to little Josie • "Where is the north pole, Josie ?" "Top of the map, mann," - I'm going to draw this beau into a knot, as the lady said when standing at the hymenal altar. Jedekiah, • didn't you find courtship bliss ? " b"lYiseierni” deed," said Jed, "but foundmatrimdnY te. "Mother," said a little poet of foer summers, 'Just hear the trees makin' music for the leaves to dance by." The five great evils of life are said to be. stand- ing collars, stove -pipe hats, tight boots. bad whis- key, aid cross women. a simplicty. Men are frequently like tea—the real strength 'What next" and goodness is not properly drawn out of them auntil they have been a short time in hot Water,. The first day a little boy went to school the teacher asked him if he could spell. --"Yes, sira" "Well, how do you spell boy ? " " Oh, just ,as other folks do." bit I'll diseriaee myself by hurtin' the feelia' of any respectable grayhaired gintlemen like Aar - self, or ye'r honor's brother yonder who is atin' his white handkerckief to stop the hungry pain. Deed, sir, I'd take great shame- e myself if I did. • Sweat him !' said the -judge, nodding hastily to the clerk, and sinking back in his well -cush- ioned seat. '-Now, Mr. Mulrooney,': said the counsel for his friends, tell us what you know. about this affair.' • Peter's story is a perfect rigmarole. He had. been to McShane's wake—he had returned from it-ahis friends got into trouble with the Germans bdt as to how the affray corruneaced his memory, • clear enough before, became suddenly very hazy. All he could recollect was that sundry of the Irish' being soundly pummelled by the 4ermans, that they pummelled gdite as soundly their an- tagonists in return. • • 1 The cross examination now conunericed, and as Petet caught up and repelled every move of the keen -witted attorney, the contest between culti- vated Sharpness and native shrewdness, became gradually very exciting. Mr. Multooney,' said the prosecuting attorney, 'you said you left home in the evening, to assist iu observing this national custom of yours -About what time in the evening ?' ' Deed,, sir, replied Peter with utinost simplici- ty,. 'but that bates me to say. 'Twas betwixt and between sun -down and moon -rise,' • - 'You are at least sure of that, I suppose' said the attorney quickly. 'Och, be the powers! ThatIl am,' said Peter, with a keen twiakle of the eye. 'Have you an almanac, Mr. Clerk; pray see at what time the sun set and the moon rose on the 8th April last?' 'Sunset on the eight April,' drawled the tierk in his usual nasal tone, 'at twenty-four minutes past. Six; moon rose at thirty-seven minutes past cle vela ' There wds a Sudden roar throuah,. the court- like the surge of waves upon the sea beach; the face of the prosecuting .attorney looked the very picture of unconscious umoceace. 'You must speak more to the point, witness,' said the judge,with all the sharpness he could command, Your answer is impertinent.' Troth, ye'r honor,' said Peter, respectfully, 'it's sorra I ani for that, ,sure, 'tis the truth Pin by vartue Of me oath.' 'Gave Dennis McShane as dasent awake as ev- -er was seen out of ould 'Now, Mr. Mulrooney, youhave told me you were present when this riot took place, T wish you to state distinctly who began it ?- `I'd like to. know, av it plase ye,' said Peter, humbly, as he smoothed the crown of his hat, I'd like to know av a wise and understanding jintle- man like yourself, if ye tell me when two dark clouds come thegither, an' strike lightning, which of the two struck first?' '• This is no answer. Clouds cannot be compared with two parties of drunken men.' 'I think the answer quite pertinent, said the attorney for the defence, with a -smile, 'for both clouds andmenappear to have been charged with the fluid.' .• `Ah, ha !' said Mr. Bibulous, scowling signifi- cantly at Peter. `Ah, ha ! the man is no fool, I see.' -; claimed Peter, smoothly. 'and be sure, I'd like to 'I'd be sorry to contaadict your experience,' ex - return the compliment, but for the vartue of ma oath.' • • 'What kind of a piece of road was it where this affray took place,' said the attorney, angrily; was it straight or crooked • `Natherally it was as straight and as putty a piece of road as ye'd like to look at; but circum- sthatially it was as crooked RS a jintleman :that has lost his tim15er,' said Peter, 'Hew do you make that out ?' Sure it was the liquor that made the differ- ence. . 'Oh ! then you confess to your party having got ll iciraftla 'Its stiiinaity was b at sarious • opinion that it was them Ger- about like a wreck at say ! and that my friends behaved themselves like da - cent people, .birt it's not aisy to say.' • 'When you were at McShane's did you eat and drink ?' • 'Sure, sir, what did we go there for ? Would you have us star -in' wid the hunger, on an oe- cassion the likes of that?' - •Certainly not—of course, certainly not. Now please to tell the jury what the refreshments consisted of?' `Lashin's of atin' and driknin,' said Peter, bold - 137. • 'Never mind the eating ; what kind of drink had you ?' Totem !' said _Peter, `wid the true &your of the pots about it.' • 'Poteen, poteen,' said the lawyer, as if affect- ing ignorance of the liquor. 'Pray Mr. Mulroon- ey, will you oblige me by explaining what po- teen is ?' 'Arrali,' said Peter, slyly asting his eyes at the rubicund nose of his questioner, 'as if ye didn't know.' • The prosecuting attorney, with his obnoxious dazed organ growing redder and redder, turned to the bench and gesticulated vehem.ently. What he said could not be heard amid the storm of laughter. 'Silenc,' shouted the crier. 'Witness,' said the judge, absolutely snorting in the effort to maintain a becoming gravity. 'Witness, this cannot 1)0 allowed any longer. What is the reason you evade a direct reply to the questioner ? Answer hum, he must be an- swerrell:, air, • `Tor, I'll do that thing. The raison? Sure, I supposed it was makin' fun of me he was.' 'Why should you .suppose that' said the at atyour VecuYius of a nose torgameye 'Because, fiercely. • . I thought you must be well acquainted with the crat. The.'jucige fell back and exploded; the • prose- cuting, attorney sunk into a chair as if a ten pound shot had. fallen 'Suddenly upon his head; the au- ditors were almost purple in the face, and there stood Peter, looking all about him with a sort of enquiring wonder upon his face, as if utterly un- conscious of any cause for iuch a noisy outbreak. 'Have you done with the witness ?' enquired the comisel for the defence' A home missionary was asked the cause -of his liroperty. "Priucipally," said he, With a twin- kle of his eye, "because I have preached so much without notes.' • • When a young gentle -man in Canada wishes to pay attention to a young lady, he usually, if it be in winter, undertakes to kill hor with kindness— badtaking her out and "sleighing" her, A school teacher in Minnesota, upon enquiril of one of his juvenile pupils what he had Iearne during the week, was electrified by the answer that he had " learned not to trump his partner's ace." Said a youngster in high life, displaying his purchases to a bosom friend' on the sidewalk :— "Two cocoanuts for ten cents I That will make • me sick to -morrow, and I won't have to go to school." A soldier was wounded lay a •shell from Fort Wagner. He was going to the rear. Wounded by a shell ? "Yes," he coolly answered, "I Was right under the darned thing when the bottom chapped out." At a public sale ef books in London, Drew's "Essay on Souls,' was knocked down to a shoe- maker, who, to the great amusement of the as- sembly, asked the auctioneer if he had. "any more books on shoemaking to sell." Boston women are noted for their intelligeneb. One of these women lately sent a cape to -a fur establishment, with, the following instructions : "I want mi kape mendid *hat the mice uored it .good shaip." A lady of the ahoddyoCracy of Dee Moines found, on returning from a walk, some call cards on her table.- She called a servant in great haste,. saying, "John, John, take these and run, quiek ; -them-ladies has forgot their tickets," • "English is an expressive language,'" said. Mr. Pinto, 'but not difficult to master. Its range is limited. It eonsists as far as I can observe, of four words : 'jolly,' 'charming,' and 'bore,' and some grammarians add 'fond'." • A clever mot • is attributed to the French Prince Imperial. When asked why people al- ways said, 'brave as a sword," and never "brave as a cannon'?" he replied, "Because •a cannon al- ways rocoils when it ia fired." Close Shaving.—An engineer in a; mill in In- diana dodn't wear longwhiskers any more. They caught in a Shaft revolving six hundred times a minute the other day, and the result was a clean shave for his face and. a close shave for his life. They have a rich joke on Dr. ..Egan,land operator, as well as a most successful phy- sician. The Doctor prescribed some pi118 forgaeaat lady. - He was asked how they were to be taken. A quarter down, said the Doctor, and the balance in one, two and three years. • • A prudent master advised his • servant to put away his money for a rainy dayh a few weeks the master enquired how much of his wages he had saved. "Faith, none at all," said he, "I did as you bid me : it rained yesterday - 1 took a drop and. it ali went" Good and Evil.—Why there is pada' and death in this world, it has not yef pleased the father- - to declare; but since his gdodness is abundant, and his -wisdom and power have no bounds, we cannot doubt that the reasons, when they shall msboelaanktielsodwnnotht,,ewilyeeatliaa.:tte:sttoscoommepla•redhde-zd.wiAlisdanatawche timarfotoeuNrbirlisead: decree. Why plagues and earthquakes have de- solated everything exists by God's absolute we see hew beauty ar ehei risYToyauPYta hoi1lwaitfo p e taite°dpatientlyglearniduiltt, in6aorNc peace issues from woe, and how purity is wrought but of repentance.