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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-07-01, Page 14, ism A:CT °TER oF the Elder, ENT. GIVEN,. that pursu- ted in -me as Assignee all ray right, title, g lands and premises, adI be told. by eti 011 `f GEORGE M. TRUE oderich, Ca Huroue IIILY 275 18702 VELVE O'CLOCK, 1Z. eau pared or traet of , lying and_ being in the illop, ran, and Province of 14 composed Of of Lot No. 27, the said township "id. Property cone asurement BE THE SAME - LESS, e cleared. The land • lity. The buildings Rolle about 18 x 28 eliexi attached, and a There is also a good iises. The property ile and a half from the )-rth. For further par - nee, or to . B. GORDON, Solicitor. Goclerich. aeror of all kinds of .;FPRISLITURE.: 'RE TABLES, MA.TTRASSES, iT TABLES, • TEADS, :I In Great Varity. i'idenee fa offering Tag ey are made of Good ey First -Class Work- _ Er TO ORDER, %t RN.INO • • ppas..z. SH.A.RP°S- .- 574f. IA the Lockman Ma- iuelt exceeding in price ao nufacturecl any - y Superior to any cheap that the Loeknian.Ma7 ea immense popularity pen before the people- ktat the Lockman Ma - 5 a position only acord- toilsome effort. hat -the Lockman M- ree its inherit good ne the universal favor - hat every family, eith- Yr city, should have a is equally undeniable for nniversaluse as Ler within the bouncln , importune their re rd Father. until the is sure to follow the the Sewing Machine) a ROWMAN & 00„ 111-tf. es- • • • . „ , -. , - .1 4,. . . ' t , - • 4411991M. • WM. F. LUXTON, Freedom in , -NO. 30, N.1.11111.11211.11111Milk Trade --Liberty in Religion—Equality in Civil Rights". EDTIOR & PUBLISHER. SEAFORTII, FRIDAY, JULY 1, 1870. BUSINESS CARDS. WHOLE NO. 134. MEDI-CAL. .TRACY, M. D., Coroner for the County of Haron. Office and Residence -One door East of the Methodist Episcopal Church. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. TT L. VERCOE, M. D. C. M., Physician, Stu- ll. geon, etc., Office and Resid.ence, corner , of Market and High Street, immediately in rear tif Kidd & McMulkin's Store. Seaforth, Feb. 4th, 1870. 53-ly TAR. W. R. SMITH, Physician, Surgeon, etc-. Office, -Opposite Veal's Grocery. Resi- dence -Main -street, North. Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1863. 53-1 y JCAMPBELL, M, D. C. M., (Graduate of Mc, e Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur- geon, ete., Seaforth. Office and Residence -Old Post Office Building, up stairs, where he will be found by night or day when at home. Seaforth, July 15th, 1869. • 84-1Y LEGAL. 11D F. WALKER, . Attorney -at -Law and So- licitor-in-Chaneery, Conveyancer,. Notary Public, &c. Office of the Clerk of the Peace, --Court House, Goderieh, Ont. _N.B.-Money to lend at 8 per cent on Farm Lands. Goderieh, Ja.n'y. 28. 1870. 112-1y. AUG HEY & HOLMSTEAD, Barristers, Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery -and. insolvency, Notaries Public and Conveyanc- ors. Solicitors for the R. C. Bank, Seaforth, Agents for •the- Canada Life Assurance Co. N. B. -430, 000 to lend. at 8 per cent. Farins,_ Houses and Lots for sale. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868.- • 53-tf. BENSON & MEYER, Barristers and Attorney at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and Insolv- ency, Conveyancers, Notaries Public, etc. Of - flees, -Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents for the "Trust and Loan Co. of • Upper Canada, and the Colortial Securities Co. of London, England. Money at 8 percent; no commission, charged. JAS. H. BENSON, H. W.- C. MEYER, Seaforth, Dec. 10th 18t38. 53-ly DENTAL. G. W. HARRIS, L. D. 8 „Art -la ficial Dentures inserted with all the latest improvements. The greatest care taken for the preservation of decayed and tender teeth. Teeth extracted without pain. Rooms over Collier's Store. ° Saeforth. Dec. 14, 1898. - ly-. HOTELS._ COMMERCIAL HOTEL, Ainleyvill , James Laird, proprietor, affords tirst-dass accom- modation for the travelling public. The larder and bar are always supplied with the best:the markets a,fford. Excellent stabling in connection A inleyville, April 23, 1869. _ , 70-tf. ONX'S HOTEL .( LATE SHA.RP ' S ) The am - dersigned begs to thank the public for the liberal patronage awarded to him in times- past in the hotel business, and also to infornt them that he has again resumed business in the above stand, where he will be happy to have a call frona old friends, ancl many new ones. • • THOMAS KONX, Seaforth, May 5, 1870. 264f. T. R. ROSS, Proprietor New Dominion Hertel, pJ begs to -inform the people of Seaforth and the travelling community generally-, that he keeps first-dass accommodation in every thing required by travellers. A good stable and willing hostler always on hand, Regular Bearclers will receive every necessary attention. , Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869, 63-1y. 10pRITISH EXCHANGE HOTEL, GODERICH, ONT., J. CALLAWAY, PRO.FRIETOR ; J. S. WILLIAMS, (late of American Hotel, Warsaw, N. Y.) Manager. This hotel has recently been new- ly furnished, and refitted throughout, and is now one of the most cionfortable and. commodicius in the Province. Good Sample Rooms for Commer- cial travellers. Tenni li beral. • - croclerich, April 14, 1870. 123-tf. MISCELLANEOUS. AHRPS, LIVERY STABLE, MAIN TS.' SEAFORTM First Class Horses and Carriaoes always on hand_ at reasonable terms. - R Snanr, Proprietor. Seaforth, May 5th, 1870. 3-tf-- o MAILL & CROOKE, Arciritects, etc. Plans -0 and Specifications drawn correctly. Carpen- ter's, Plasterer's, "and Mason's work, measured and valued. Office -Over J. C. Detlor & Co.'s store, Court -House Square, Goderich; Goderich, Apri123, 1869. 79-1y. & W. McPHILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur- • veyors, Cavi1 Eneineers, etc. All manner of Conveyancing- done with neatness and dispatch. 0. McPli i I ips, Commissioner in B. R. Office -- Next door south of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth. Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. 53-ly . TS. PORTER, Seaforth, Ont., dealer in hides, , sheap skins, furs and -w-ool. Liberal advance- . raents made on consipments. Money to lend. Insurance agent Debts collected, Highest rice paid for green backs -Office east side of Main Street, one door north Johnson Bros'. Hardware Store. 122-tf. BHAZLEEMRST, Licensed Auctioneer fo the County of Huron. Goderich, Ont Particular attention paid. to the sale of Bankrupt Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed, Landlord's Warrants Executed. Also, Bailiff First Division Court for Huron. Goderich, June 9th, 1869. 76. tf, • THROUGH THE WHEAT. • Once, when my heart and I were young, • We wandered, restless, by, sea and strand, And lingered a little space among The grassy valleys of Switzerland; Where. watchful minim* forever frown, Through blue air slanting, clear and keen, Waring proudly their icy crown, . While happy hamlets smile between; Where rapid torrents rejoicing run, Leaping the cliffs in strength and pride, Like snow-white ribbons, in wind and sun, Fluttering down the mountain -side ; Where smoke -like °loadings of tender blue Dapple the elopes in sunny spots, And sweetly change on a nearer view, To drifts oft fairest forget-me-nots. Often at eve when the sun was low, A.nd the mountain. shad.ows Few, dark and vast, I watched the cottagers wendmg slow Home to rest when their toil was past, Two walked lovingly side by side Speaking softly as lovers speak - He with an air of manly pride, She with a blush on her sun -browned cheek. Hand in hand, through the evening red They went -through the shadows damp and • sweet-- . Choosing a narrow path that lea . On and on through the growing wheat. Sunset touched him with rosy light, • Sunset brightened her loosened hair - Poor and plain they were fair to sight, For youth and love are forever fair. i And often as sunset charms the air - For the timekand scene are vanished flow -- I think of that simple loving pair, tAnd wonder whether they kept their vow - Whether under some mossy roof, Their wedded spirits serenely blent, They weave the even warp and wee:if Of their quiet lives in cairn content; Or whether they parted in scorn. and wrath. As myriadlovers have clone before, And choosing each a seperate path, Were thence divided for evermore ; Or whether still, as across the land_ The dewy shadows grow damp and sweet, Perennial lovers with hand in hand, 'They walk, knee-deep, in the growing Wheat. --FLORENCE PERCY, in Harper's Magazine for July. 1 . • UNDER FALSE COLORS. (Continued.) "You could have knocked me down with a fo ther," Mrs. Archer said afterwards to an intima friend. "1 never should have suspectedthat au a quiet, stupid manses he was wouldsfall in lo in that ridiculous kind of a way. Good graciou how indignant old Mrs. Rutherford will be! a I shall be blamed for the whole affair, no dou I wis4 John had never brought the man here - never did like hum, and thenuton, it is SO prov king to loose Miss Nugent just now; while, we a at 1 ewport. Of course I can find no one to r place her till we return to New York. Well, always was an *unlucky little woman." • The marriage took place in the latter part September, only a few weeks after the engag ment had been first announced. Mrs. Bathe ford, true to her resolution of making the best the affair, was careful that none of the usual coos tesies and observances should be neglected. Th bridal gifts from the Rutherford family, if les splendid, were as numerous as they would has- been had Mr. Rutherford married amember of hi mother's decorous, _high -bred "sett," and all hi immediate relative& called most punctiliously o the new bride when the newly-weddecl pair arriv --ed in New York after their six weeks trip to Phil adelphia and Washington. Mr. Rutherford decided to take rooms at th Brevoot House till he could purchase a suitabl residence. His mother's 'splendid. home was no thrown open to receive him and his unwelcom bride, as it would have been had he made a choic more consonant with her wishes. . But we have wandered far from the dinner giv en by Mrs. Rutherford in honor of her new daugh ter -in-law, and with which our chapter conamen eds. _ It was a superb entertainment, as the Ruther ford dinners usually were. The service of gold plate purchased by Sch.uyler Van Vleyclen when_ he was minister to Austria adorned the table, which was also decorated with three splendid. py- ramids of choicest flowers. An exquisite bouquet bloomed in front of each lady's plate and the paint- ed blossoms on the peerless dinner service of rare old Sevres vied. in every respect save fragrance with their living counterparts. An unseen or- chestra, stationed in the conservatory, sent forth strains of music, now grave, now gay, aeGrounod or Offenbach ruled the tuneful spirit of the hour. Twelve guests onlY were present, including Mrs. John Archer, to whomMrs. Rutherford had in this ashion testified her forgiveness, and who had ac- cepted. the proffered. olive branch with delight, wearing, in order to do honor to the occasion, an xquisite dress, fresh from one of the most re- novvned ateliers of Parisian fashion. ears Ruther- ord, as usual, notwithstancling her infirmity, resided with unfailing grace and dignity; and n aiher splendidsclress of black satin, brocaded with ouquets of flowers in their natural hues, her cap ad collar of priceless old point lace, andher mag- ificent ornaments of sapphires and diamond's. he still looked a queen of society. A well -train - d servant was stationed behind her chair, who from time to.tune placed. before her suitably -pre- pared portions of the various delicacies of the en- tertainment, of which she slightly partook, in or- der to obviate the restraint which herpresence at, the festivity without participating in it would have occasioned. • On her left hand sat heryoung- er son, Horace, whose, watchful eye followed her every movement, and whose loving care anticipa- ted her every wish. He was a tall, stalwart -look- ing young man, fair-haired and blue -eye& like his elder brother, but his frank, joyous expression and wioning manners bore no resemblance to the sullen countenance and surly demeanour of Ole- , ment. The bride was of course, the cynosure of all eyes. Attired in. rich, creami-white satin, the corsage shaded with folds of delicate lace, with coral ornaments on her neck and arms, and with the heavy masses of her dark hairinterwoven with coral beads, she looked extremely beautiful,. and a - to ch ve s! nd ht. o- re e - of e- r - of • was pronounced by the ladies present to be "handsome and stylish -looking, but decidedl dull." This latter accusation was more truthfu than such charges usually are. Mrs. Clemen Rutherford did feel unusually stupid. She wa ennuye by the long, formal, stately, dimier ; sh knew but few of the persons present '• and he point -lace fan was frequently called into requisi tion to conceal her yawns. The game had been served before her next neighbor a sprightlyyoung New Yorker, who had been rather fascinated by her beauty, contrived to arouse her into some thing like animation. He succeeded at last, how- ever, and it was not long before an unusually brilliant sally drew a merry laugh from her lips. Her laughwas peculiar -a low, musical, trilling sound, mirthful and melodious as the chime of a silver bell. As its joyous music rang on the air, Mrs. Ruth- erford turned ghastly pale. She gasped convul- sively, half rose from her seat and fell back in a deathlike swoon. Of course all was. instantly 'confusion and dis- may. The guests sprang up, the waiters hurried forward -Horace wa3 instantly at his mother's side. "She has only fainted," he said in his clear de- cided tones. "She will be better in a few mo- ments. Let me beg of you, my friends, to resume your seats, Clement, will you oblige me by tak- ing our mother's post?" - • With the help of Mrs. Rutherford's special at- tendant, Horace supported the already reviving sufferer from the room. .They conveyedher to her sleeping apartment, where restoratives and cold water were freely used, and she soon regained perfeet consciousness. But returnmg animation seemed to bring with it a strange andoverwhelm- ing sorrow. When the servant had retired, leav- ing her alone with, her son, she refused to answer any of his queries, and burying her face in her pillow, she wept withconvulsive and impressible violenoe.- At length the very vehemence of her grief seethed, by exhausting itself, to restore her to comparative calm, her tears ceased to flew, ther heavy sobs no longer shook her frame, and she remairied for some time perfectly quiet and silent. At length she spoke1 " Horace !" 'What is it mother?" "Describe to me the personal .appearance of your brother'a wife -minutely as though • a pic- ture were to be painted from yoar words." It was no unusual request. Horace was in the habit of thus minutely describing persons and places for his mother's benefit. "She is rather the middle height, and her form, though slender, is finely moulded and of perfect proportions. fier hands and feet are faultless and her walk is extremely graceful, re- sembling more the gait of a French woman than that oran English girl. Her complexion is pale and rather sallow, and her countenance is full of expression, which varies constantly when she talks. The lower part of her face is somewhat too thin for perfect beauty, and the chin is inClin- ed to be pointed, and the cheeks are rather hollow but the upper part is superb. Her brow is low and broad, and, she folds backfrom it the heavy waves of her black hair pliest possible style. Her eyes are her chief beauty, and. would trans- figure anylace into loveliness: They are very large, and of a dark, -transparent blue, of so lus- trous_ and so perfect an azure that not even in shadow do they look black. Stay -I can give you *a better idea of her appearance than by mul- tiplying wordi. Did you, when you were in Mu- nich, visit the Gallery of Beauties in the Royal Pala,ce ?" of mind at her son's marriage, and that she had y never been herself since. Next, the elegant es - 1 tablishment of the newly wedded -pair on Twenty - t sixty street, with its gorgeous* furniture and cost- s ly appointments, furnished a theme for much con- e versation and doubts were expressed as to wheth- ✓ er the "Lipper Ten" would honor with its august - presence the ball which Mrs. Clement Rutherford proposed giving on Shrove Tuesday, which in that year cameabout the middle of March. - Bat as to that, it was generally conceded. that they would. - Youth, beauty, wealth, and the shadow of an old family name could cover a multitude of such sins as rapid manners, desperate flirtations and a questionable origin; and notwithstanding her fast- ness,. and worse still, her eidevant governess -ship, 1VIrs. Clement Rutherford was a decided social success., On the day succeeding that on which he had ar- rived, Horace made hia appearance at his broth- er's house. Clement had not heard of his return, and received him with a. cordiality strikingly at yariance with his usual Manner. "Come into the library," he said, after the first greetings had been exchanged. "I have some fine cigars for you toetry, and you can tell me solhee- thine about your. travels." "Thank you, Clement; I believe I must de- cline your offer- I have a message for your wife, can I see her ?" A cloud swept over th- e beave of the elder brother. "I suppose you can," he said coldly, looking at his watch as he spoke. "Two o'clock, she took breakfast about half an hour ago, so she is prob- abIv at home. You had better go up to her bou- (Zoir, as she calls it, and Christine, her maid, will tell her that you wish to see her." - He turned away, and was about to leave the room, when Horace caught his hand. "Clement ! brother! Answer me one question: Are you happy in your marrfed life?" "Go ask the scandal -mongers of New York," was the bitter reply: "they are eloquent respect- ing the perfection of my connubial bliss." "If she had been a kind and affectionate wife, if she had Made him happy," muttered Horace as he ascended. the stairs, "my task would have been a harder one. Now my duty is clear, and my course lies sn ooth and straight before me." The room 'ito which he was ushered by Chris- tine, thePret y French maid, was a perfect mar- vel of elegance and extravagance: It was very small, and oni every part of it had been lavished all that the combined efforts of taste and expen- diture could achieve.' The walls had been paint- ed in fresco by an eminent Italian artist, and be- vies of rosy Cupids, trailing after them garlands of many -hued flowers, disported on a background of a delicate green tint. The same tints and -de- sign were repeated in the Aubusson carpet,. and on the fine Gobelin tapestry which covered -the few chairs and the one luxurious couch that form- ed the useful furniture of the tiny apartment. Etageres of carved and gilded wood occupied each corner, and, together with the low mantle - shelf (which was upheld by two dancing nymphs in Carrar marble),. were crowded with.. costly trifles in Bohemian glass, Dresden and Sevres por- , celain, gilded bronze, and ivory and Parian *are. An easel drawn toward the centre of the room supported the one painting that it contained, the design on the walls being unsuited for the proper display of pictures. This one picture had evi- dently been selected op account of the 'contrast which it afforded to the gay coloring and riante style of the decorations. It was a supurb marine view by Hamilton -a cloudy sunset above a stor- my sea, the lurid sinking sun flinging streaks of blood -red light upon the leaden waters that, in the foreground, foamed. and dashed themselves wildiy against the rocks of a barren and precip- itous shore. . Horace stood lost in contemplation before the easel, when the door opened anit his sister-in-law entered. He turned to greet her, and. her beau- ty, enhanced as it was by the elegance of her at - ire, drew from him an involuntary gl.ance of ad- miration. Her dress was an exemplification of how much splendour may be lavished on a morn - ng costume without rendering it absolutely and idicitiously inappropriate. She wore a robe of urquoise blue Indian cashmere, edged around he long train and flowing sleeves, with a broad order of that marvellous gold embroidery which nly Eastern fingers can execute or Eastern im- ginations devise. A band of the same embroi- - ery confined the robe around her slender, supple aist, and showed t° advantage the perfection of er figure. 'A brooch and. long ear -pendants of lus- reless yellow gold, ,and a fan of azure silk with gilded sticks, were the adjuftcts to this costume, -hose rich hues and gorgeous effects would have crushed a less brilliant and stylish -looking woman ut which were wonderfully becoming to its grace- ul wearer. "Welcome home, Horacet" she said, in the low weet voice which was one of her most potent harins. "How kind it is of y011to payme avisit o soon after your rortum r She placed herself on the couch and inotioned o him to take a seat near her. He drew up his hair, and a short, embarrassed pause succeeded. Mrs. Rutherford toyed with her fan ancl stole ances from under her long, black lashes at her isitor, who sat twisting one of his gloves and shing most ardently that Providence had en- ustecl. the -painful task before him to some one of more obdurate and less chivalorous nature. Wearied of silence the lady spoke at last. "Have you_ nothing of interest respecting your avels to tell me ?" she asked. Her voice seemed to break the spell which par- yzed him. He turned toward her with the ok of one who nerves himself up to take a des - rate resolution : " Yes ; I have a story to relate to you, and one more than common interest." "Really!" . She yawned behind her fan. "Ex - se me, but I was at Mrs. }louden's ball last eniug, and the ' German ' was kept up till five lock this morning. I am wretchedly tired. ow do go on with your story; I have no doubt t that I shall find it amusing, but do not be uch surprised. if 1 fallasleep." “1 think you will find it interesting, and 1 ve no fear of its putting you to sleep. But you ust make me one promise. I am but a poor, nar- tor, and you must engage not to interrupt me." "1 have no hesitation in promising to remain decay quiet, no matter how startling your in- , mita or how vivid your descriptions may be." She leaned back among the cushions with an - her stifled yawn and shaded her eyes with her Without heeding the veiled impertinence of r manner, Horace commenced his narrative :- "I did." "Do you remember the portrait of Lola Mon- tez t." • " Certainly -aa though I had seen it yester- day." " Marion resembles that portrait very striking- ly, particularly in the shape aud 'carriage of her head." " I am. not mistaken -it is she. , Weald that I had never lived to see this day.' !" ' ' And Mita- Rutherford wrung her hands in an agony of help- less, hopeless distress. • "It is she !" repeated Horace, in perplexity. " Whom do you mean, mother? Who was Ma- rion Nugent ? "'She is not Marion Nugent -this impostor who has thrust herself into our midst, bringing scandal and dishonor as her dower • " "And who, then, is she ?" Mrs, Rutherford turned toward him and fixed on his face her tear -bathed eyes, as though sight were restored. to her, and she were trying to read his thoughts in his countenance. "Why should I tell you?" she said after a pause ; why reveal to you the shameful secret, encl. tell of a misfortune lethich is -without a rem- edy? Clement is married; what words of mine can divorce him! And who will believe the evi- dence of a blind. woman? If I were not blind, I might openly denounce laer, but now—" And again she wrung her hands in unspeakable an- guish. Horace knelt beside his mother's couch and folded her hands in his own. "1 will believe -you, -mother," he said earnestly. "Trust me -tell me all. If this womanwhom my brother has married be an imposter, he may yet be freed from the matrimonial chain." • "Could that be possible!" " "It may be. Let me try, at least. • I will de- vote myself to your service if you will but confide in Me. - "Close the door, and then come near me, Hor- ace -nearer still. ' I wit/ tell you all. - * 4- * * * * * * Two days later the steamship Pereire sailed from New York for Brest, numbering among her a passengers Horace Rutherford. , STRIKING THE FLAG. The events narrated in our 'last chapter took place early in November, and it was not till the following March that the astonished friends of Horace Rutherford saw him re=appear amongst them as suddenly and unexpectedly as he had de- parted. "Business of importance' was the sole explanation he vouchsafed to those whoquez3tion- ed him respecting the motive of his brief European tour; and' with that answer public curiosity was perforce obliged t� content itself. • Society had, in fact, grown weary in discussing the affairs of the Rutherford family. Clement Rutherford's mesaillance'his mother's sudden illness at that memorable dinner party. Her subsequent seclu- sion from the world; and Horace's inexplicable absence, had all afforded food for the insatiable lq)petite of the scandal -mongers. Then Gossip grew eloquent respecting the flirtations and 'fast' manners of Clement Rutherford's wife, flcl'whis- pered that the old lady's seizure had been either apoplexy or paralysis, brought on by her distress ci1 wi tr a • tr al lo PC of Cu ev o'c bu ha ra pe cid ot fan. he "Some twenty-five years ago a friendless, pen- niless English -woman died at one of the cheap boardingoichools in Dieppe, where-iiliehad offici- ated for some time as English teacher and general drudge. She left behind her a little girl of about five years of agea pretty,-. - engaging ehild, whose beauty and infantile fascinations so won the heart of Madame Tether, the proprietress of the estab- lishment, that she decided to take charge of the little creature ancl educate her, her project being to fit her for the post of Enhsh teacher in her school. But the pretty child grew up to be a beattiful but unprincipled girl, with an inborn passion for indolence and luxury. At the age of seventeen she eloped with a young Parisian gen- tletn.an, who had been spending the summer mouths at ope of the seaside hotelsin Dieppe, and her benefactress saw her and heardof her no more. (To be Continued.) VARIETIES. "The Long Strike. -Twelve o'clock. Motto of the gardeners. -Lettuce plants. True to the core, -A good apple. When a eat sings, does she do it on pur-puss? Men of means are often the meanest of men. Best place in the ship for eggs. -The hatch- way. If a small boy is a. lad, a big boy niu,st be a lad- der. How to- manage bachelors. -To mis-manage them._ A Waiting Maid. --An unmarried lady of thirty. Figaro says, "One touch of nature makes the whole world grin." The man whose head was fairly turned says it feels -very uncomfortable in that position. "Laches, without regard to sex," are invited to attend -te woman's rights meeting in a Western town. Jerseyman in reply to the charge that women can do fighting in time of war, says his wife does - nothing else. A man is a mere telescope in a woman's hands: she draws lrisn out, looks him through, shuts him up, a.nd shelves him, - "What are you about with my microscope, George ?"-I am shaving, father, and I want -to see if there are any hairs in the lather yet." A little boy, on returning from Sunday school, said to his mother : "This catechism is toohard; isn't there any kittychisnis for little boys ?" "Why did he marry her ?" is the title of a new love story. Probably he was afraid if he didn't marry her she would. sue ]nm for breach of pro- mise. A grocer, in the suburbs, when complained to about selling bad eggs, said : "At this time of year, the hens are not well, and often lay bad eggs. ?" "Did. I not tell you," said the father of a little girl, "not to pick flowers in the conservatory without leave? ' "Yes, papa, but all these had . leaves." An old, bachelor says, "It is all nonsense VP suppose that love is blind. I never yet knew a man that was in love that did not see ten -times - as muchin his s-weetheart as I could." Jac le O'Neil went up the hill, The bloody Canucks to slaughter ; But Jack came back in a U. S. hack - Much sooner than he oughter, "What is the chief use of bread" asked an ex- aminer at a school exhibition.-- 'The chief use of bread," answered the urchin, apparently aston- ished at the simplicity of the inquiry "is to spread butter and treacle on. A sharp Editort-A subscriber to an American newspaper writes to the editor thus "I don't Want your paper any longer." To which the ed- itor replies, wouldn't make it any -longer if. you did. Its present length suits me very well" Jerrold said ,one day he would inake a pun up- on anything his friends would put to him. -Think- ing to give him a poser, a friend. askedhim wheth- er he could pun upon the sign!: of the Zodiac; to which he promptly replied, `By Gemini, I Can- cer." "Alas !" said A 'moralizing ,bachelor, within earshot of a witty young lady Of the company, "this world is at best but a 'gloomy prison !"- "Yes," sighed the merciless minx, "especially to the poor creature who is doomed to solitary con- finement. A young pupil of the New Orleans granneer school, was scolded by his mother. "Sammy, Sammy," said elle, "Wily did you do that ? °You might have known you would hurt yourself.' "How could I know mother 7" replied the young- ster, as the pztin from his bruised skiu ceased for a moment; I a future tense ?" A yoUng lady once married a man by the name of Dust, against the wishes of her parents. Af- ter a short time they lived unhappily together, and she returned to her father's house, but he re- fused to receive her, saying : "Dust thou ark and unto Dust thou shalt return." And she got up and "dusted." , "Mamma," said a little girl one evening when there was company in the house, "mamma, how fast your teeth have grown" -"Hush, child, hold your tongue," said. the darling mamma, her face glowing like a red cabbage, ---"Well, so they have You hadn't got one yesterday, and now mamma. kept her mouth shut for the rest of the you have got ever "-It is said that 7 .e ich a lot. "Ticket, sir," said an inspecter at a railuruy terminus to a gentleman, who having • been. a .season ticket -holder for sorae who, believed his face was SO well known, that there was no use for him to show his ticket -"My face is myticket," replied the gentleman a little annoyed. "In- deedr said the inspector, rolling back his wrist- band and displaying a most powerful fist, "well, playtorrdra.„eraare to punch all tickets passing onthis fo One style of Illinois journalism is illustrated in the following paragraph, which appeared in. the Keithsburg Observer, under the heading of "Obi- tuary" : "Abouut two and a hall years ago we took possession of this paper. It was then in the very act of pegging -out, having neither friends, money nor credit. We tried to breathe inte it the breath of life; we put into it all our OWILMO• ney and every body elses we could get hold of, but it was no go, either the people of Keiths- burg dont appreciate our efforts or we dontknow how to run a paper. We went into the basiness with confidence, determined to run it or bust. We have busted- During our connexion with the Observer we have made some friends and rimerous enemies. The former will have our gratitude whileliftog e lasotsio the de The latter tt.er' are affectionately re- quested 1 51541 1 1.1 -4 ••• A 4 545 71 4 55;