HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-06-10, Page 16
BROfKERI
ipure
oul DIE STUFFS
is under the special
1st.
SEATTER,
51a-tt,
NTER
Ds.
?.N
KIN,
the Largest Stock of
aocis
tyles of Dress Patterns,
plins, all Wool Plaids,
vills of various kinds,
Seaforth,
ery Depart -
at.
:e assortment of Hats,
f the Latest Fashi-
CHEAP.
CLOTRINC
4WEED SUITS FOR
TAR.
SHOES!
IIAN TINTER.
Izeice stock of
goeeries
or 81,00 Tea.
-
II lbs. :Raisins. and
IctURSIE SALE
LDD & 0MULK1N.
a
•
WM. F. LUXTONI
" Freedom, in Trade -7 -Liberty Religion—ETnality Rights".
EDITOR & PUBLISHER.
VOL. 3, NO.
SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, JUNE 10, 1870.
WHOLE NO. 131
BUSINESS CARDS.
RTRACY, M. D. Coroner for the County of
e, Huron. Office and. Resiclence—On door
East of the Methodist Episcopal Church.
Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. • 53- ly
11L. VEROOE, M. D. C. M., Physician, .Sur-
geon, etc., Office and Residence, corner
of Market and High Street, immediately in rear
of Kidd & McMulkin's Store. '
Seaforth, Feb. 4th, 1870. 53-1y.
• TAR. W. R. SMITH,
•Of6.ce,—Opposite
dence—::M ain-street, No
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 18
Physician, Surgeon, etc.
Veal's GrOcery. R.esi-
rth.
63. 53-ly
T CAMPBELL, M. D. C. M., (Gra,cluate of Mo-
e) . GiU University, Montreal) Physician, Sur-
geon, etc., Seaforth. Office and R.esidence—Old
Post Office Building; up stairs, where he will be
found by night or day when at home.
Seaforth, july 15th, 1869. 84-ly
LEGAL.
-1-4F. WALKERe'. Attorney -at -Law: and
. licitor-in-Chancery,:Conyeyancei, Notary
Public, &c. Office of the Clerk a the 'Peace,
Court lionse, G-oderich, Ont. •
N.B.-a-Money to lend at 8 per cent on Farm
Lan ds. _ 1
Goclerich, Jan'y. 28. 1870. 112-1y.
VC AUG HEY & HOLMSTEAD, Barristers,
e_V1, 'Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery
and insolvency, Notaries Public and Oanveyanc-
ers. Solicitors for the R. 0. Batik, Seaforth,
Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co:
N. B.-00,000 to lend at 8 per cent. Farina,
Houses and Lots for sale.
Seaforth, Dec. llth, 1868. 53-tf.
-DENSON & MEYER,. Barristers and. Attorney
-MD at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and lesolv-
eney, COnyeyancers, -Notaries Public, etc. Of-
fices,—Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents for the
Trust and Loan Co. , of Upper Canada, and the.
Camila Securities Co. of London, England.
Money at 8 per_cent ; no commission, charged.
BENSON, • H. w. 0. MEYER,
Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-ly
- DENT -AL.
• G. W. HARRIS, L. D. S Arti-
ficial Dentures inserted with all the
. latest improvements. The greatest
care taken for thepreservation of deeayed and
tender teeth. Teeth extracted without , pain.
• Rooms over Collier's Store.
Saeforth; Dec. 14, 1898. ly.
HOTELS.
OO.M.MKRCIAL HOTEL, Ainleyvill , James
Laird, proprietor, affords first-class accom-
inodation for the travelling public, The larder
ancl bar are a,lavaars supplied with the best the
markets afford. Excellent stabling in connection..
A inleyville, April 23, 1869. • 70-tf. _
-1t7"..ONX'S HO'T EL (LATE SHARP'S) The un-
clersignecl begs to thank the public for the
liberal patronage awarded to him in times past -
in the hotel bu iness and also to inform them
-that he has ag in resumed business in the above
stand, wherejie will be happy to have a call
from old friend , and manY new ones.
THOMAS KONX.
126-tf.
Seaforth„ May 5, 1870.
R. ROSS, Proprietor New Dominion Hotel,
. begs to inforin the people of Seaforth and
the travelling conninmity generally, that he keep s
first-class acconunoclation in every thing required
by travellers. A goocl stable and willing hostler
always on hand, Regular Boarders will receive
every- necessary attention.
Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869. 63-1y.
BRITISH EXCHANGE HOTEL, GODERIOII,
ON, J. CALIAWAX, PROPRIETOR ; J. S.
Wieereers, (late of Alum -icon Hetet, Warsaw, N.
Y.) Manager. This hotel has recently been new-
ly furnished, and refitted throughout, and is now
one of the most cmnfortable and commodiousin
-
the Province. Good Sample Rooms for Commer-
cial Travellers. Terms liberal.
Goclerich, April 14, 1870. 123.1f.
MISCELLANEOUS.
'1
0 HARPS, LIVERY STABLE, MAIN TS.'
SEAFORTIT. First Class Horses and Carriages
always on hand at reasonable terms.
R SHAB,P, Proprietor.
Seaforth, May 5th, 1870: 3-tf-
1
AILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc. Plans
0 and Specifications drawn correctly, Carpen-
ter's, Plasterer's, and Mason's work, measured
and valued. Office --Over J. C. Detlor & Co.'s
store, -Court-House Square, Goderich.
Goderich, April 23, 1869. . 7911y.
Qftt- & W. McPHILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur-
*".. veyors, Civil Enbineers, etc. • All manner
of Conveyancing done with neatness and. dispatch.
G. McPhillips, Commissioner in ,B. R. Office—
Next door south of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth.
Seaforth, Dec. 14,, 1868. •534-y.
T S. PORTER, Seaforth, Ont,'dealer;in hides,
shea,p skins, furs and.wool. Liberal ad-vance-
ments made on consignments. Money to lend.:
Insurance agent: • Debts • collected, Highest
price paid for green backs.—Office east sidr of
Main Street, one door north Johnson Bees'.
Hardware Store. •122-tf.
HAZLEHURST„ Licensed Auctioneer fo
Ja>„ the COunty of Huron, Goderich, Ont
Particular attention paid to the sale of Bankrupt
• Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal
Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed,
Landlord's Warrants Executed.. Also, Bailiff
First Division Court for Huron.
Goderich, june 9th, 1869. 76. tf,
THE ENGLISHMAN.
There's a land that bears a well-known name,
Tho' it is but a little spot;
'TA the first on the blazing scroll Of fame,
And who shall say it is not ? •
Of the deathless ones who shine and live,
In arms, in arts, in song ;
The brightest the whole wide world can give
To that little land belong. -
'Tis the star of the earth, deny it who can;
The highland home of an Englishman.
'Tis the star of the earth etc.
There's a flag that floats o'er every sea,
No matter when, or where;
And to treat.that flag as- aught but the free,
Is more than the strongest dare.
For the lion spirits that tread the deck,
Have carried the palm of the brave,
And that flag may sink with a shot -torn wreck
But never float o'er a slave.
Its honor is stainless,. deny it who can,
,• The flee of a true -born Englishman.
0
Its honor is stainless, etc.
. -
There's a heart that leaps with burning glow,
The wrong'd anct the weak, to defend„
And strikes as soon for a trampled. foe,
• As it does for a soul -bound friend.
It nurtures a deep and honest love—
The. passions of faith and pride—
And yearns with the fondness of a dove,
• Te the light of its own. fire -side.
'Tis a rich rough gem, deny it who can,
The heart of a true -born Englishman.
'Tis a rich rough gene etc.
The briton may traverse the pole or the zone,
• !And boldly claim his right ;•
-
Fbr he calls such a vast domain his own,
• That the sun never sets on -his 'might.
Let the haughty stranger seek to know,
The place of his home and birth, •
And a flush will pour front cheek to brow,
While he tells of his native earth.
"Tis a glorious charter, deny -it who can,
That's breathed in the words; "I'm an English-
"
"isT a glorious charter, etc.
'MY SHOgKINO MISADVENTURE.
i4r first vacation at Cambridge—a short one—
was j list commencing. . The last of my companions
had sat off for -the railway station, .on the top of
- one of the many heavily -laden Omnibuses which,
fringed with hat boxes, swayed from side to side
beneath the seemingly unlimited weight of
. "men " and luggage. As soon as they were gone
an overpowering feeling of .clullness came over mt.,
The usual bustle and excitement of university life
had suddenly ceased e and as I returned to my
rooms, and passed, tlirough the grim old college
gate, I felt like one friendless and forsaken.
• - For some time I sat brooding over the fire, with
niy chin upon my hands and my feet upon the
hobs of my grate, till the entrance of the "gyp,"
•Who, -waiting on 'me, interrupted my meditations
Oh, siir, a -hem ! Beg pardon, sir," he began
"you Were not at the hall to -day, sir, and the
• Dean sent word to ask whether you would be go-
ing clown, sir; you must call on. him before the
chapel about it, sir:"
• In obedience to the message 1 tapped- at the
Dean's door at the time appointed, anclhaving re-
eeived permission to enter foundthat he enter-
tained the greatest possible objection to my re-
maining in residence. He was bent, it seemeil to
me, on clearing out all the undergraduates; so as
to release himself from the duty of keeping his
watchful eye upon. them. In vain, for a long
while, --did I plead that, living in the north of Scot-
land, it Was a great hardship to compell me to re-
turn home for only a few weeks. He was hard to
cOnvince,_ and though I had never incurred his
displeasure, he affected to believe that my unwill;
inoess tego down must proceed from the basest of
motives. Whether he thought I had. an eye on
the college plate, or what, I could not tell. At
last he yielded an ungracious permission—subject
to the following conclitiors, that I obtained the
recommendation of my college tutor, and did not
miss a chapel, nor a'hall, the whole time, and fur-
ther that I should act as lesson. reader. "For,"
he added, "you must not e-xpect to spend a vaca-
tion in sloth and idleness, sir, and the college will
require the,ut-most regularity on your part. " To
all this I macie.ne objection ; to . be sentenced to
eat my dinner regularly every day without fail,
and to officiate as reader, were no punishments to
me ; and the thought of quitting my monastic cell
did- not occur to me till I received a letter in the
evening. Hearne- from a college friend who had a
few days beforegone down to London (every place
is " cloy)." from " the university"). His style 6f
'writing was not elegant, and somewhat laconic ;
it ran thus:
" Dear Ken—Coach 2 valuable pups? If so, 10
min. interview with me at Melford Station to-
morrow morning. Yours, Dil."-
• This was unexpected and certainly' perplexing.
On -referring to my Bradshaw, I found that Mel-
forc.1 was a roadside station, at which .few trains
stopped, and if I was to meet Dil. (or rather Dill-
ingworth) there in the morning, I must leave by
the half -past eight omnibus. Now, morning chap-
el would be at that very time; it was at seven
during the term. • "Should. I apply for 'an • ex -
eat?" No;
my college tutor was ill ; and the
Dean not to be faced. again that 'day, so I resolved
to risk it.; my quarter's supply of cash being at a
very low ebb, Dill's bait was tempting.; and I saw
that I could- be back in time for hall by the
train which left Melford road at two o'clock.
Next morning the stall below the Dean's was
untenanted, and -he who should have been its oc-
cupant, Kenneth Duff, was on his way to Mefferd.
Stepping out at this latter place, Dil was found
waiting ray arrival. He told me that a neighbor-
ing nobleman required a tutor for his boye. for
three or four weeks, Dill happening to be there
on a visit of a few days, had recommended me.
Melford hall, he said, was only two miles off, and
he would take me there if I wished.. He went e
everything proved satisfactory, and then, as I was
anxious to return by the two o'clock train, Dill
and I, after an early luncheon, set out together
for the station, declining the offer of a carriage
that we might have a longer, chat. • After having
proceeded leisurely for rather more than a mile,
my friend wished me good-bye, and returned to-
wards Melford. Looking at my watch I found it
wanted but ten Minutes to two. So quickening
my steps, I trudged on briskly.' A turn in the
roa,cl brought the station in sight, and, looking in
the direction from which the train, now clue,
might. be expected, I paw a distant patch of white
smoke or steam. Hastenmg forward, I strode up
the stairs, two at a time, that led to the etation,
and beheld the train gliding in towards the oppo-
4
site side. - Jumping down upon the. line I was
about to cross when a voice warned me not to
pass before the engine, accordingly going around .
back of the train, I mounted the other platform,
and, placing my hand on the canTiage door, was
about to open it, the train by this time Was Mov-
ing very slowly: "Wait, sir," cried the porter;
"don't you see the train is in motion ?" 1- drew
back, and the carriages passed on, and on ; .that
it appeared as if the speed was increa,sing, in-
stead of slackening; so, fearing that I should be
left behind I caught at the door-handleoearest to
me • it was the last carriage. I was now at the
end' of the platform and the train was off. • Act-
ing more by impuise than by anything else, I
jumped down beside the last carriage And keld
on, trying to climb up and open the door, this,
owing to the narr1 wness.of the step I was unable
to accomplish. Tie speed -was rapidly becoming
greater, and the eagine was giving steady pulls
onward whieh were distinctly perceptible. Look
ing forward I saw a pile of rails in my way; giv-
ing a leap while they were yet at some distance,
I was carried over them safely. Then I obserVed
that the train was rushing in by a wall ; so quit-
ting my hold of the step, and running hard all
the time, I succeededin catching the end of the
buffer ere ittpassed me. Grasping it with both
hands, I was pulled along at the back of thetrain.
The expression "running" would not convey any
idea of the exercise I had to undergo. Stride,
stride, stride, stride, stride, my steps became 6,
8, 10 feet leaps in a few moments, and I felt ray
legs fail me as my feet came violently in. _contact
with the.ground every time. I feared to let go,
but could not keep up at such a pace; so clinging
forjust a moment longer, I swung myself beneath
the buffer, and then let go. I was rolled overaud
over like a ball.
Shouts of disapproval had all the while been in
i .
my ears, but now I felt half stunned. • Scrambl-
ing to my feet as soon as possible I commenced to
run and instantly fell -over a sleeper. Upon this I
• perceived that I had been following the direction*
that the train had just one, instead. ef seeking *
the station, but my braan was all in confusion.
The hue and cry, however, becoming louderre-
called me to some sense of my position. • Three or
four railway men by this time had come up, and
one of them collared .me rather roughly. ` Come
back, you sir," said the ma-n'"no running away;
you've just been and made ahaccident of yourself
as near as ever you ceuld.; we'll he give it you I"
With this I was hustled back to the station and
•'confronted with the angry statiorunaster, pen and
paper in hand. ` ' What is your namethismoment
sir ?" demanded he in a pompous but peremptory
voice. "Why do you ask?" linquired. "Why,
because sir, you have infrinifect the company's by-
laws ; I have a 81111111101.18 alfready toissue against*
you, and Y';ieb. are to be punished'for Srour Wilful
and malicious attempt to --to—." And before I
could possibly reply to this vague charge he . dis-
• patched three of my captors to the gates to pre-
vent my egress, till I should comply with all his
demands,. After a dialogue in which we both ex-
pressed mutual indignation, each being "astonish-
ed" at the other's conduct, we came to terms.
He entered myname 111 the draft of a summons,
and granted me my liberty, While I threatened
that if he Moved the company against me, I would
bring aii action for damages for loss of time, &c.,
through his fanit in not stopping the train for me.
So we parted.
• * The Dean and my four o'clock hall now recur-
red to My thoughts; it was long past two, and on
anxiously making inquiries I learnt that no train
would be available before six.
As 1 pasaed out ,at the gate for a -stroll one of
the men, seeing impatience written in my face,
said in an undertone'"if you don't mind infring-
ing the bye-laws .a bit more, try a luggage."
"What's that you say V .1 eagerly inquired.' -" I
ain't said nothing," he -retclined, and walked
away. 1 1
- t.t,
"Try a luggage !" I repeated to myself; "try
a luggage !" and then his Meeting flashecl across
myenind, and I resolved ncit to wandertoofar
from the station. In abouthalf aii hour I observ-
ed that a luggage train had jost come in; it was
drawing up upon a siclin.g : the man in charge was
greasing the wheels of one of the vans, the station-
master had entered his offibe—I would try the
luggage! :
Crossing over -to the man, I said, "Gan I go
with you ?" He turned round, stared, said. no-
thing, and then resumed. his work. , On my re-
peating the question, he uttered a decided no !
He was evidently in a surly mood; so I left him,
resoliing to act for myself. Passing along the
row of laden trucks I reached the last van. This
was half roofed over. While 1 was inspecting it
a shriek from the engine ' told me that it was
starting. Without losing'a moment I clambered
up, and swinging myself in by a hand -rail, pro-
ceeded to explore the interior. The hinder. por-
tion of the van was not covered, but the- front
• part was, and it was also closed up—all, except
a doorway, by which it was entered from the
open part. Taking refuge inthis somewhat close
cabin, 1 found it rather dark at first, but on a
long broad seat opposite the door lay a heap of
coats, and a sort of horse cloth, which I conclud-
ed belonged. to my surly friend. Reclining upon
these I awaited his arrival, for the traii. was roll-
ing rapidly along, the engine puffing merrily,
and navel began to congratulate myself on having
-left Melford_ in time After all. •
On the whole, my new quarters were . tolerably
comfortable; they ' were snug and warm; while
the wind outside was bitterly cold: My eyes be-
coming accustomed to the dimness of the place,
several things which had not at first been visible
began to attract my observation. A couple of
jars and a black bottle stood in one corner; on
the floor near them a railway lamp, several oil
cans, and - a. small red flag; above them on a
shelf, three greasy books in parchment covers, a
small stone ink bottle, some quill pens, a short
clay pipe, and tobacco box: An -unpleasant odour
of oil and. stale smoke and (as I could not help
fancying) of spirit pervaded the place.. These
with the exception of the latter, 'should have ex-
pected to meet with. What was in the corner by
thedoor it was not easy to ,determine. Once it
• seemed as if something moved.. -.After some min-
utes had elapsed I leant forward. to solve the mys-
tery, and caught hold of what appeared to be the
fads of an overcoat. As I did so there was a lit-
tle scream, and it was evident that I had discover-
ed some one in. hiding. Before my surprise had.
abated, a scrambling overhead and a heavy
thump upon the floor of the van outside the door
announced that the surly man had arrived. - In
he came, just as we two concealed ones had come
to this juncture. "Hallo !" he shouted; "what's
this? • Why, who the • " but before he could
get any further, a -little girl of about seven or
eight years of age ran to hiin from the dark cor-
ner and held him by his coat. Looking at me an-
grily he asked, " What d'ye want here? My
name is Jabez Bull—what's yours? Jae ' wants
to know what you are here for."
From his aspect and manner I now saw that,
though any thing but ineapable, lie had. been im-
bibing freely, and was bent on mischief. Think-
ing that conciliation would be the best course for
me to adopt, I answered him civilly, told him
that I was his passenger, and willing to pay my
fare; assured him that lie should not. be incom-
mode dbyme, and weavould sit downtogether and be
friendly. "Wil N'ie ?" he replied. " Oh ! in-
deed; passenger! Jabez's passenger, 4re you?
Fare' is that all "Yes," said 1; " wltat more
do you require?" " More ? You are a director, I
expect; a rascally intruding spy; come to see
what's going on—come to turn outthis child from
my van! But no—it shan't be done. If rin in-
-fringing the bye-laws, so are you and you may
as well break your own neck as give me the trou-
ble of doing it. Over) with you I ' He pointed
with mock majestic air to the side of the van,
"That's the way," he said; "take it !"
The train was now going very fast down a
slight incline, and there was no one within call.
Pretending, therefore, not to observe what he
had just said, I took out my purse with the view
of diverting his attention. 'Look here," said I.
"What is the fare for riding in this comfortable
van of yours?.Shall I give you five sh
With one stroke of his hand he had dashed my
purse and all it contained far away across the
line, and stamping upon. the floor of' the van he
brandished his fist in ray face and shouted. "Fif-
ty pounds! fifty pounds! or over you.go like a
cinder !"
The little girl now clung to him anclscrearaing
with terror, begged him to be quiet! but he
thrust her from him with a back stroke of his
arm and sprang upon me; seizing me with his
right hand by the side of the neck, with Ins left
he thrust me back against the woodwork. He
was a stalwart fellow and I was but slight. He
had full advantage over me and this he knew. I
thought that I should be stiffocateds; my temple
throbbed; and I felt my face getting redder every
minute. • Neither of us spoke for a fetg seconds.
'1 scanned anxiously every part of the van within
sight, to see if there were any means of escape,
but saw none, and unless he would let me go so
that 1 might jump or clamber out, there was no
getting clear of him. With a vvrenclr he threw
me from him to the opposite side of the yap. I
looked over, thinking to leap, but saw the danger.
Availing myself of the moment to draw breath, I
leant over the side and then shouted with all my
might to the engine driver. That he could not
hear me it was evident, for the train was tearing
along against a strong head wind, ancl all sound Of
my voice was blown far to the rear. But whei6 -
was the little girl? She had disappeared—had
she fallen over during our struggle? No further
time was given me for escape or inquiry. With
a bound my antagonist was at me- again; there
was just time to turn round and face him. We
closed, ancl then I found. he was endev-ouring to
lift me over the edge! Vainly I tried to beat him
off, and though he aimed a blow at me now and
then he was too near and not sober enough to
strike with effect. His object was to throw me
over, my only chance • therefore consisted
in holding on so as to prevent this, or else, if pos-
sible, to get a clear fall and take the chance of it.
He kept pressing me over backwards with all his
force,. and it was impossible for inc to free myself
from his grasp. At last lie succeeded heliffing me
over, but as he did sol managed to reach down
over his back, where I took a firmholdofthelower
part of his jacket and turningitup overhimpinioned
Inc arms somewhat, ancl br ought his hea.d clownupon
me as if in a bag. Having by this partly disabled:
him and eStablishecl a good holdfast for both my
hands, I hoped that his weight would sustain me,
and that we should be able to continnethus, hold-
ing by each other till rescued at the first stopping
,place. My fear was, as I hung over the side that
some object in passing might crush or, strike me
off; yet I held_ on. • My prisoner soon became
restive; every. moment I thought it wouldibe my
last; the cold wind benumbed my fingers, my on-
ly support; one of my legs was jammed . under
• him against the edge of the van, and this kept my
head down and preventedmy getting free.
Ever moment my position became 'more and
more precarious; if my hands slipped I must be
killed, and I felt that I tould not last thus much
longer. At this very instant I perceived. that the
little girl had climbed to the top of the next truck
and had managed to attract the attention of the
stoker, who came to our assistance from the other
end of the train. He was now sliding down to-
wards us over the tarpaulin that covered the con-
tents of the adjoining waggon. "We are saved!"
I cried ; but before he could reach us, my com-
rade overbalanced, came heacllong over the side
upon me; I still clhagine to him, and we were
dashed against the side of the metals, then down
an embankment to a considerable depth, and all
was darkness.
* * * * * *
After many days, when I had regained con-
sciousness, and was pronounced out of danger, At
-was told me that my right arm and shoulder were
badly broken, and that it would be very long be-
fore I could recover ; and when 1 asked for Ja-
bez, my antagoiaist, I saw by their faces that he -
was dead! Yes, he had fallen on his head and
been killed instantly. Japez's little girl was now
quite. an orphan, for she hadlost her mother some
time before. • She dearly loved her erring father,
and contrary t� the rules of the company, he al-
lowed her to accompany him in his van, making
her hide herself when the train stopped, for fear
she should be discovered. But besides his inno-
cent little companion - the unfortunate man car-
ried with him something very different, even that
which at times deprived him of his reasoning fac-
ulties. My inopportune visit to him, coupled
with this, brought about the catastrophe I have
described. He never spoke after being picked up.
Ms little maid was disconsolate, and how could I
commfyoiptuhpeilsr
and. four o'clock hall and other du-
ties, and the probable remonstrance of Dean,
troubled. me little then. Weeks and months pas-
sed. My day's journey has wrought sorrow and.
death, and the grief connected With it haunts me
still.
Acountry
editor lately annomiced an increase
in his fanaily, and in his jollification over the
event propounded the following conundrum
"What is the difference between editorial and
matrimonial experience?" In the former, the
devil cries for "copy ;" in the latter, the 'copy"
cries like the devil.
VARIETIES.
. How long can a goose stand on one foot ? Try
it—that's the way the goose found out
There's a man in tOW/1 WhO keeps a list of al
the banks in the ,country, so as to be able to say
he keeps a bank account
An indigent young man being curtly told. by a
crusty old naiser to whom he had applied for
"help, to seize the first thing he could lay his
hands upon, caught Inc adviser by the nose, and
pulled it unmercifully.
A bachelor being asked why he didn't 3-narry
answered as the women were claiming the right
to go to the poll, they would soon claim the right
to go courting, and he - was only waiting for a
good offer. , -
A man being awakened by the captain of a pas-
senger boat with the announcement that he must
not occupy his berth with: Inc boots on, -very con-
siderately replied : "Oh, it won't hnrt *em thy're
a,n old pair."
A little boy, some time ago, While, coming down
stairs, was cautioned by his mother nett° lose
his balance. His question which followed was a
puzzler : "Mother, if I should lose my balance,
where would it go ?"
In speaking of a friend who possessed a tery
rubicund countenance, 'a lady said the other day,
"I don't think he drinks, in fact, I know he does
not, for he told me so e but probably sleeps in
a bed with red curtains."
,"You have not one chop of the great Napo-
leon's blood in yonr veins," said testy old Jerome
once in a vett° his nephew, the Emperor: 'Well,'
replied Louis Napoleon, "at all events nave his
whole family on my ehoulderSA,
An AMericon paper puts a matter -w-hicb. it
wishes to enforce in the following -a4at sirrnlee--
" You might as well attempt to shampoo, an
elephant with a thimbleful of soapsuds, as to at-
tempt to do bu-siness and ignore advertising."
Mrs. Fitzdragon has been waiting to visit High-
gate Ceraetry, and the other clay she said to her
husband, You have never takenine to the ce-
metry." "No dear," he said, "that is a pleasure
have yet had only in anticipation."
Men, for the greatest portion of their lives—
women for their entire lives—pass through exis-
tenee-agreeably, or the reverse, just as the con-
dition of the "home" may be. If the household
be not well regulated, the servants acting cheer-
fully and in good order, farewell to all domestic
happiness.
Some years ago, Mr. Missing, a barrister on the
Western Circuit, in defending a man charged -with
stealing an ass, took occassion to be somewhat se- -
vere on the plantiff's counsel. The latter, after
arguing his cause, concluded thus: ``One thing,
gentlemen of the jury; is certain, the ass was, and
is, missing,"
You have troubles, it naay be. So have others.
None are free from them. Perhaps it is as
well that none should be free from
them. They give sinew and -tone to
life—fortitude 'and conike to man. That
would be a dull sea, and.the ,sailor would never
get skill, where there was habino6 to disturb the
4
surface of the ocean."
A Dutchman reading an account of a meeting,
came to the words, "The meeting then dissolvecl."
He could not define the meaning of the latter,
so he referred to Inc dictionary, and. felt satisfied.
In a few minutes a friend came in, when Houty
said, "Dey must have everry hot wecIder ;- I red!
an agount of a meeting vere all the peoples melt-.
• ed away."
The man must be very hard ior very• ehlep
whom a woman cannot sail round as she chooses,
and manipulate to any form she takes = a fancy
for. She has but to adapt' her battery to the
• character of the citadel—surface submission for
the blustering, eoaxing for the soft -heart, flat-
tery for the vain, deception for the obtuse—and
• gains the day on her own terms.
A sea captain trading regularly to the coast of
Africa, was invited to meet a committee of a so-
ciety for the evangelisation of Africa. He was
asked, among numerous questions touchlug the
habits and religion of the ,African races, "Do the
subjects of King Dartorney keep Sunday" "Keep
Sunday !" he replied, "yes, and everything they
can lay their hands on.'
Advertising. —The man who don't advertise
has Inc shop hung round with shingles and pieces
'of barrel -heads, inscribed with lamp -black, "Irish
Pertaters." "Korn Meal." "Flowers" "Alt
kin ds of Irountry projuice." "Kaiks and kandles
for sale here". He says, " There aren't no USC
in noospaper advertising; so long as a man is
smart enough to tend to his own business, and
can stand at the shop door and holler the fellers
in."
Pride and Vanity will give to the nose an ugly
turn in the wrong direction. Self-esteem and a
contempt for others will give a further move in
that direction, which will at once put it far beyond
anythieg handsome to beheld. Excessive care or
extra-vagant amtiety, a craving for an abundance,
covetousness, malice, and every evil poor human-
ity is prone to, inunediately tell upon. this fea-
ture in particular, although every ether much or
little, partakes of clisadvantag-es.
When a man comes to marry, it is a companion
he wants, not an artist. It is not merely a crea-
ture who can paint and play, sing auddance ; it
is a being who can comfort and counsel him, one
who can reason and reflect, and feel and judge,
and discourse and. discriminate : on2 who can as-
sist in Inc affairs, lighten his sorrows, purify his
joys, strengthen his principles, and educate his
children. Such is the woman who is fit for a.
motheri and the mistress of a family. A woman
of the former description may occassionally figure
in the drawing -room, and attract the admiration
of the company, but she is unfit for a help -mate
of a raan, and to train up a ehild. in the way he
shouldover gt oh. e
b.eauty of the plum and aprieot there
grows a bloom and a beauty more exquisite than
the fruit itself—a soft, delicate flush that over-
spreads its blushing cheek: Now if you strike
your hand over that, and it is once gone, . it is
gone forever, -for it never grows but once. The
flower that hangs in the morniugimperaled with
dew --arrayed with jewels—once shake it, sa that
the beads roll off, and.. you may sprinkle water
wen
over it as you please'yet it ean never again be
made what it was h
the dew tell slightly on
it from Heaven. On a frosty 1120111.thi.g yOU may
mseoeutnhteamsj)arlakoefs,natreesgalass covered. with lanateaPets,
blended.
lvithhaberp:
-tiful fantastic picture, -Nowlaeyyeout and
on the glass, and by the scratch of your finger, or
by the warmth of palm, all the delicate tracery
will be obliterated. So there is in youth a beauty
and purity of character, which, when one toucb-
edd can never be restored.
i
. Orders have been given to close the Military
School at Kingston. Owing to the continual
ad-
iniesion of unworthy students, the Whig says
th,e School has long been a great nuisance, and
on that account is glad to see it abated.