HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-06-03, Page 1_S.
1870
mminulimmummemiims
d grkt red at
nsf as he
e b his
sed the most
ord, or a cry,
was a case of
mace. HiS fOr-
from the by..
&tripe,. "as the
epen, his: agony
as expected he
it; but no I he
ilvavery worthy
stripe being ad-
. unloosed and
n a smile of re-
doubt the cer-
as the happiest
assed into the
palet and be
stumbling at
▪ -
ify their customers
hat they have re -
PC
Above W. -
rlian Ware
on hand a. large
GROCERIES and
Y.FLOUR, and all
'<change fr Groce-
a,
is will be &livered
tiaaforth, Harpur ;
t .a & . a,„ or Flour
Irliest value.
ARSON & CO
52-1y.
MEROOMS
rSON
r of 0.11- kind.s of
TAB -FRS,
MA.TTRASSES,•
TABLES,
Great Varity.
'gee fla offering his
!made of Good .
Viist-CIas-s Work
-
R.
67-tf.
+miter,
ER OF THE
L.IROTs1.
-
ming, 111 Seaforth.
e County.
s WA.
nee ;if not so paid
subscription taken
months.
tATES.
rt&; subsequent se
vertisements me
er- No adverti.
Dollar.
- $60 00
- 300
- 2000
300
20.O
- 12 00
20 00-
- 12:00
8 00
- 12 00
8 OCt.
• 500
eel& directicsas,
charged. award -
11941.
VIM. F. PATON,
"Freedom in Trade—Liberty in Religion -.-Equality in Civil Rights".
:EDITOR & PUBLISHER.
VOL. 3, NO. 26,
• BUSINESS CARDS.
f MEDICAL.
ID TRACY, M. D., Coroner for the County of
Iti.Huron• Office and Reaidence—On door
Jii. •
East of the Methodist Episcopal Church.
Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. __ . 534y
,
TT L. VERCOE, M. D. C. M.; Physician, -Sur-
• ron etc., Office and Residence, , corner
la 9
of Mir et and High Street, immediately in rear
of Kidd. & IvIcMulkm's Store.
Seaforth, Feb. 4th, 1870. 53-1y.
• DR.W. .It. SMITH, Physician, Surgeon, etc.
If Office,—Opposite Veal's Grocery. Resi-
dence—Main-street, North. .
Seaforth, ,Dec. 14, 1863. 534y
, .
T CAMPBELL, M. D. C. M., (Graduate of W-
O „ Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur-
geon, etc., Seaforth; -Office and Residence—Old
Post Office -Building-, up stairs, where he will be
found by night or day when at home. '
Seaforth, July 15th, 1869. 84431
LEGAL.
PF. WALKER, Attorney -at -Law and So-
„ licitor-in-Chancery, Conveyancer, Notary
Public, &c. Office of the Clerk of the Peace,
Court House, Goclerich, Ont. .
N.. --Money to lend. at 8 per cent on Farm
•E i
Land . -
1
Goderich, Jaai'y. 28. 1870. 112-1y.
_
1,y/CAUGIIEY & HOLMSTEAD, Barristers,
_VI.. Attorneys at Law,- Solicitors in Chancery
and Insolvency, Notaries Public and Conveyanc-
ers. •Solicitors for the R., C. Bank, Seaforth,
Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co.
N'.• B.-830,000 to lend at 8 per cent. Farms,
Houses and Lots for sale.
Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1.868 53-tf.
BENSON & MEYER, Barristers'ancl Attorney
at Law, Solicitors in Clia.ncery and Insolv-
ency, Con-veyancers, Notaries Public, etc. Of-
fices,—Seaforth and. Wroxeter. Agents for the
Trust and. Loan. Co. of Upper Canada, and the
Colonial Securities Co. of London, England.
- Money at 8 per cent; no commission, charged.
TAS. H. BENSON, H. w. 0. MEYER
• Seaforth, Dec. 10th -1868. •-,• 53-ly
DENTAL
G. W.. HARRIS L. D. S. Arti-
asia . ficial 'Dentures inserted with all the
Gam& latest improvements. The greatest
, care taken fur the preservation of decayed and
tender teeth. Teeth extracted without pain.
Rooms over Collier's Store.
• Seaforth. Dec. 14, 1898. • • ly.
HOTELS..
MMER01AL HOTEL, Ainleyvill , Ja,mes
C0
Laird, proprietor, affords first-class accom-
modation for the travelling _public. - The larder
and bar are always supplied with the best the ,
markets afford. Excellent stabling in connection ;
.A inleyville, April 23, 1869, 70-tf.
t
KNOX'S HOTEL (LATE SHARP'S) The nn-
dersigned begs to thank the public for the
liberal patronage awarded to him rn times past ]
in the hotel business, ancl also to inform- them
that he has again resumed business in the above 1
stand, where he wili be happy to have a call ]
from old. friends, and many new ones.
-• •- THOMAS KNOX.
_
Seaforth, May 5, 1870.126-tf.
.•
JR. ROSS, Proprietor New • Dorainion Hotel,
. begs to inform the people of Seaforth and
the travelling community generally, that he keeps
first -Glass accommodation in every thing required
by travellers'. A good stable and willing hostler
always on hand, Regular Boarders will receive
every necessary attention.•
•Seaforth i Feb. 8th, 1869, 63-1y.
s.
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BRITISH EXCHANGE HOTEL, GoDERICH,
0,a -r. , J. CALLAwAY,, PROPRIETOR; J. S.
WILLTAIrs; (late of American Hotel, Warsaw, N.
Y.) Manaaer. This hotel has recently been new
ly furnished, and refitted throughout, midis now
one of the most cnrafortable and commodious irr
the Province. Good Sample Rooms for Commer-
cial Travellers. Terms liberal.
Goderich, April 14, 1870. 123-tf.
1
MISCELLANEOUS 1
SHARP'S LIVERY STABLE, MAIN TS.'
SEAFoRPti. First Class -Horses and Carriages
always on hand at reasonable terms.
1. R .L. SHARP, Proprietor.
Seaforth, May -.5th, 1870. 3.--tf---
SMAILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc. Plans(
. .
and Specifications drawn correctly, 0arpen-4
-,er's, Plasterer's, and Mason's work, measured
ind valued. Office—Over J. C. Detlor & Co.'s
ttore, Court -House Square, Goderich.
Goderich, Apri123, 1869. 79-iy,
& W. AfelIIIILItIPS, Provincial Land Sur-
, Veyors, Civil Enbineers, etc. All manner
If Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatch,
`. McPhillips, Commissioner in B. R. Office—
4 -ext door south of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth. •wl
Seaforth, Dec:14, 1868. - 53.1.y ,
-
.
TS. PORTER, Seaforth, Ont., dealer in hides,
. sheap skins, furs and wool. Liberal advance-
lents made on consignments. Money to lend.
asurance agent Debts collected, - Highest
rice paid for green backs.—Office east sidk of
fain Street, one door north Johnson BrOs'.
rardware Store. 122-tf.
3HA.ZLEHURST, Licensed Auctioneer fo
_ the n,, .,..-r IT- ...-- r -f _ _i _ ••1
.
Particular attention paid to the sale of Bankrupt
Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal
Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed,
Landlord's Warrants Executed. Also, Bailiff
First Division Court for, Huron.
Poderich, June 9th, 1869. • 76. tf,
SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, JUNE 3, 1870.
WHOLE NO. 130.
• BI4L'AND JOE.
BY 0. W. HOLMES.
Come, dear old comrade, you and I
Will steal an hour from cla,ys gone
by—
The shining days when life was new,
And all was. bright with morning dew—
The lusty days of long ago,
When you were Bill and I was Joe.
Your name may flaunt a titled. trail,
Proud as a cockerel's rainbow tail;
And mine. as brief appendix wear
As Tam O'Shanter's luckless mare;
To -day, eld friend, remember still
That I ata Joe and you are Bill.
You've won the great world's envied prize,
And grand you. look in people's eyes,
• With 110 N, and L. L. D., •
In big brave letters, fair to see -,–
Your fist, old fellow! off they go
• How are you, Bill? How_ are you, Joe?
You've worn the judge's ermi4ed robe;
• You've taught your name to half the globe;
• You've sung mankind a deathless strain;
You've made the dead past .live again ; -
The world may call you what it will,
But you and I are Joe and Bill.
The chaffing young folks stare and say,
See those old buffers, bent and gray,—
They talk like fellow's in their teens!
Mad, poor old boys! That's whit it means,"
And. shake their heads; they little know
The throbbing hearts ofBill and Joe.
How Bill forgets his hour of pride,
While Joe sits smiling at his side;
How Joe, in spite of tAme's disguise,
Finds the old schoolmate in his eyes;—
Those calm, stern eyes that melt and fill
As Joe looks fondly up at Bill.
Ah, • pensive scholar, what is faine T
A fitfultongue of leaping flame;
A giddy- whirlwind's fickle gust,
That lift's a pinch of mortal dust;
A few swift years, and who can show
Which dust was Bill and which was Joe?
The weary idol takes his stand,
Holds out his bruised and aching hand,
While gaping thousands come and go,--
How-vain..it seems, this empty show !—
Till all at once his pulses thrill ;—
'This poor old Joe's "God bless you, Bill !"
'And shall we breathe in happier spheres
The names that pleased our mortal ears, .
In some sweet lull of harp and song
For earth -born spirits nonetoo long,
Just whispering of the world below
Where this was Bill, and that was 'Joe?
No matter • while our hothe is hero
No souncliigname is half so dear;
When fades at length our lingering day,
Who cares what pompous tombstones say?
Read on the hearts that love us still,
Hie jacet Joe. Hic jacet Bill.
And then, as if somebody whispered to
there came the thought of Walter Sterne's -c
fortable bank account, so very large for a -yo
man with his salary and expenses.
"I hope hope not," said Abel, "I w
der what Belle thinks of him? Anyhow I m
warn.her."
• And so, after dinner that evening, Abel ca
his daughter into the library and unfolded
terrific 'budget of news. So absorbed was he t
he hardly noticed Belle's sudden change of co
when he dimly hinted his -suspicions.
"But, father, are you certain May you
be mistakenr -
"No, not about the deficit."
But who could have taken the money."
"Any two of them could, if they worked to
ther, or maybe one of them could hav'done it al
him,
om-
ung
on-
ust
lled
his
hat
lor
not
ge-
one
al-
k
old.
till
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ut
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To
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ad
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in
THREE FINE YOUNG MEN
proud !young man was Abel Leonard—proud
f his house and everything in it; proud. of his
legant and accomplished, daughter; proud of his
ong established and profitable business. Abel
Leonard had. been heard to boast that he had1,':'
iis concern the three finest young men in the city.
here was his own son Charley ;he was certainly
fine young ra' an, and his father was more than a
Little proud. of him.
Then there was Evan Jones, the heaci book-
eeper. Certainly Evan Jones was a fine young.
an.
Thirdly, a sort of head clerk and general mana-
er, who° raade himself felt everywhere, and of
%thorn even his employer was half inclined to
tan.d in awe ; there was Walter Sterne, with an
xpression of self-containecl firmness • about his
11, solid looking lips that forbade one denying
hat Walter Sterne was a very fine young man.
Walter had many peculiar ways of _Ms own.
e owned the very respectable house he lived in,
ndneve4heless he was accustomed to make the
act known, that he supported his mother, who
as also his housekeeper, an excuse for all sorts
f unnecessary economies, though not only Abel
eonard, but his fellow -clerks; were well aware
at Walter's bank •account had been steadily
mbing upward from the hoar, ten years ago,
at he had entered the establishment; and yet
alter Sterne was a welcome visitor at the -house
his employer, for not only could he converse in
ost modem languages, but he could be entertain
glai. many ways, and his knowledge of music
as by no means contemptible. -
Three very fine young men were these, un-
ubtedly Abel Leonard was justified ha lieing
'oud of them; but the time had come, in the na-
ral course of human events, when the old gen-
eman must necessarily be puzzled. For forty
ars he had no partner in business, and for half
at time he had accustomed himself to look upon
s daughter Belle as a girl; but now two impor-
nt facts'were -slowly dawning upon him. • One
as that he, must speedily assign the charge of his
siness to younger and more active management,
d the other was that two of his very fme young
en were -rivalling each other in well -directed ef-
rts to establish .even a nearer connection with
self than that of partner in business.
Abel Leonard had always pretended to keep a
arp eye after his books and. balances, but of late
ars this had been little more than a pretense,
til, now tbathe seriouslycontemplated a change
his arrangements, he once more made a practi-
1 reality of his formal examinations. No one
t himself knew this, however, for AbelLeonard
s not a talkative man.
Perhaps the old gentleman was not as quick at
res as he had once been and there were some
counts that puzzled hip; sadly. At all events
went .over them again and again. Still he call -
no one to his assistance, though, as Charley
s cashier, Evan Jones head book-keeper, and
as Walter Sterne's duty to go over things af-
them, he could have very easily had every -
g explained. • To be sure, Walter had been
ent for two orthree days, just before theworst
he puzzle came. • That night Abel Leonard
nt home with a clouded brove, and a good deal
less of pride than usual in his heavy step.
"There can be no doubt of it—no doubt of it
whatever; there's a deficit of three thousand dol-
lars in the cash account, and it was well covered-
• up, too; false entries and false footings, and what
not • but they could not deceive old Abel. I
wonder how long the thing has been going on?"
They have chances every now and then, but W
ter has the most." •„
Belle could say little more, but t the whole
• seemed impossible.
"Walter will be back to -night,” said the
gentleman, "and I will say nothing about it
he has had a look at the books."
• Oh, dear !" said Belle. "It's too bad, a
how." ,
The next day Abel Leonard sent down wo
that -he was ill, and did not make his appearan
• • on that or the day following, so that the three 11yOUng men had it all their own way. The seco
evening Walter Sterne cline up to the house
make one of his frequent calls. He was receiv
as usual • made a good report of the busines ; b
he seemed to have something heavy on his min
' What it was he did not mention in his brief int
view with his employer, nor did the latter, mu
• ed up in his somewhat theatrical fiarmels, ma
any allusion to his. own portentious diseove
After the talk with the old gentleman there f
lowed a very interesting call in the parlor, a
never before had Belle Leonard seemed so subd
ecl in her manner or so sweetly engaging. -
such an extent did her manner an.d the half-ple
ing expression of her face work upon the alrea
pretty well fornied determination of her you
friend, that the secret, which for a long time Ji
been only -half a secret, forced its way to his li
in a rush of earnest and eloquent avowal. Be
bowed her face upon her hands for.a moment,a
.then raised it, pale as marble, but as firm.
"Mr. Sterne must give me time for consider
tion.- If he will call again to-m'orrow evening
will give him his answer."
Walter's fellow -clerk was destined to receive
very similar reply to a very similar question, on
• that Evan was put off somewhat indefinitely.
• Still later that same evening, two very fm
young men were walking down Broadway, arm
arm, when one said to the other : 1
"Evan, I can't go to the old gentleman for more
money just now; have you any over ?"
"Not a cent. You know how unlucky we've
been of late."
"Can't you raise soine ?"
"Don't think. I can. You know I've done a
geed deal for you already." •
Yes; but that will be all right when you
marry Belle."
Yes , • but you must help me."
"Why don't you propose?" .
"1 did that very thing to -nigh -t"
"You don't say so ! What luck ?"
"Good I should think; only she has put me off
for a week."
"Oh, that's nothing. You couldn't have ex-
pected an answer off -hand."
"Not from so proud a girl as Belle Leonard.
Still you can help me." .
• "I will. Don't be afraid; I'm not anxious for
Walter Sterne as a brother-in-law, I can assure
" Ha, ha! don't worry yourseh about that."
• . And so they separated ; but the next morning,
no sooner did Evan. Jones reach the store, than
Walter called him aside for a private consulta-
tion.
w
atever was its nature, even the countenance
of WalterSternewas unable to conceal an expres-
sion of astonishment and consternation. •
"But why did you not tell me at once?" he
asked.
"I knew your cast-iron ways, and I was afraid
you •would tell the old gentleman, and that
wouldn't do, you know." •
• "Tell him? NO, never! We must keep him
ignorant at any cost."
"But how will we do it ?"
• "0.h, leave that to me. I'll go over the books
again at once, - There won't be the 'slightest dan-
ger." ••_
Walter Sterne was unusually busy with his ac-
counts that day, and in the -afternoon, late, Abel
Leonard came down in a carriage. He tumbled
the books over as usual, but had little to say, and
he really looked sick when he started for home.
, The ride was not a long one, but it seemed to
have shaken all the pride out of the little fat mer-
chant, As he entered the hall he was met by
Belle. ;
" Father •?"
"The very worst, Belle !"
"How do you mean ?" •
"The footings and entries all corrected, and the -
cash is all straight again."
"But how is that the worst?"
"The corrections are all in Walter Sterne's own
hand. He has been alarmed- in some way, and
has put the money back to save himself."
014 -father, isn't it terrible .
"Indeed itis, Belle. And I lov.ed that young
man almost like a son. I'd have trusted him with
all I was worth." •
• And to tell the truth, both father and daughter
were thoroughlymiserable. Belle especially- look-
ed forward with a nervous horror to the fast ap-
proaching hour for Walter's call.
• At last the expected feet were on the door -step,
and never had he looked so near the beau ideal of
a 'fine young man" in the eyes that, already -
swollen with tears, looked out at him through
the curtains. There was even a look of pride and
elation on Walter's face as he entered the parlor,
but his countenance fell as he cast his eyes on
the face that came forward to meet him. •
• "Miss Leonard !" -
"Mr. Sterne—" -
And for a few moments neither of them could
say more, and. Walter's heart beat almost audible.
Their embarrassment was, to say the Nast chang-
ed in in its nature by the sudden appearance Of
Abel Leonard.
• "Walter Sterne I will save Belle the trouble
of giving you her answer. Does not your own
conscience tell you what it ought to be?"
"My conscience? I cannot comprehend. you." "Then• I will say that I have examedthe books!
Yes, you may well turn pale, for I saw them be-
fore you made the eorrections. I may also add
that I have exerted an unwilling confession from
Mr. Jones—not that he has done wrong in any -
thing, but his desire to shield you. It will not
be necessary for you to come to the office to -mor-:
row, Walter Sterne."
While the old • gentleman had been speaking,
Walter had been thinking with lightning speed.,
and he now replied, in a deep and firm, though
husky voice:
"Abel Leonard, I see into what a snare I have
fallen; but I see also that I cannot at once lift
myself out of it. I will only say now that I have
• been utterly honest with you, and more than -ho-
nest. There is not one stain on my conscience."
And so saying, Walter strode out of the room,
and out of the house, leaving a deeper impression
behind him than he was aware of. As for Belle,
she threw herself upc,n a sofa in the back parlor,
and all but•sobbed herself to sleep.
Perhaps an hour, perhaps more, passed by,
when Belle was awakened by manly voices, con-
versing near her in low tones, in the darkness.
"No _you can't, Charley, - that was the very mo-
ney I let you have. I told him you helped your-
self to it, and he made it -good to straighten the
books and clear you. It was only by bad luck
that the old gentleman pryed it out, and it's too
late to help it. He'll forgive Walter in a day or
so. Then, you know, it fixes the other thing.
• Thus far „Charley had said. very little that Belle
could hear, but now his voice was raised a little. -
•
"Evan Jones, I never did a mean thing in my
life. Do you think I'll shield myself or you eith-
er, at the expense of a man that -would do so gen--
°roils a thing as that? No, not by—"
"Hurrah for -you, Charley !" almost screamed
Belle, as she sprang from the sofa and threw her
arms around- his neck—very narrowly missing the
mistake of hugging the wrong man. "I knew
that Walter Sterne watrnot dishonest! Go this
instant and bring him back. Never mind how
late it is. I'll go and tell father right away.".
• By the time she ceased speaking, there came a
loud bang froai the front door, as it shut behind
the retreating form of Evan Jones. -
Charley went, as he was bid.den; and if Abel
Leonard never again boasted -of his • "three fine
young men," he had, after years much •to say
about "my son-in-law, Mr. Sterne, sir."
Funeral Rites m Greenland.
There are some very curious funeral rites in
Greenland, where, on its becoming evident to the
friends and relations of an Escpaimaux that, eith-
er from sickness or old age, he is in a very bad
way, a•solemn conclave is assembled anda long
consultation held, in which it is debated, pro and
con, whether the sick man can recover ; should
it be decided against him, the fact is announced
by a deputation as a fact in which the sick man
is bound to a,cquiese. No extravagant demon-
stration of grief accompanies this avowal, for it
seems to be regarded by all parties as an inevi-
table law of nature that the man must die, and.
they therefore accept it philosophically. Soon
after the decision is made to. the patient he is
borne to the door of his snow -hut by his friends,
a bow and arrow placed in Ins his hands, and
• with such strength as is left to him he shoots, and
as the arrow leaves the bow -string he se-hrs Ins
connexion with the thingof this life—for on the
spot on which the arrow fails the grave of the
living man (officially regarded as dead) is at once
made; and sown up in his " irayak, " with his
Weapons beside him, he is deposited therein with-
out further loss of time.—The last scene in the
°life of an Esquimaux would make a fine picture;
the cluster of snow -huts standing like pigmies
amidst the huge masses of blue black ice ; around
the clear piercing air, illuminated only by the
waving meshes of theaurora borealis, in the force
ground the group of fur -clad figures clustering
round, supporting the fainting form. of one whom
they are instructing in his last voluntary act,
which severs his ties to this earth forever.
Paper --Its Material and Uses.
—
From the best authorities it would appear that
cotton was the first material ulied in the manufac-
ture of paper, after papyrus, The exact date is
not known, but it is pretty well authenticated
that. paper from this material was made and used
in. the eleventh century. The Chinese, since the
decadence of the papyrus manufacture inAlexan-
clria, Egyptonay be considered the grertest man-
ufacturers and users of paper. With them paper
occupies a place of iinportance not equalled by
any other one substance in use by us. They em-
ploy it for clothing, building, decorations, toys,
and a hundred other necessities. They utilize
linen rags,. the hmer bark of trees, the fibres of
cane and bamboo, and for "rice paper " the stems
of a wild leguminous plant. - • The soles of boots,
umbrellas, hats, garments resembling in texture,
and durability woven fabrics, kitchen and tlible
utensils, boxes, bowl ,s &c., this ingenious people
fashion from paper. Even their pocket handker-
chiefs are made of it, and some speeimens of their
paper are scarcely inferior in toughness and elas-
ticity to the best textile fabrics. We have scarce-
ly reached their aptness in the quality of the pa-
per, an .d are far behind them in adapting the ma-
terial to our every day needs. We make paper.
water pipes, paper row boats, paper hats and bon-
nets, paper collars, cuffs, and shirt fronts. We
use it for twine to tie up paper packages. I* is
doubtful if any other material is susceptible of a
greater diversity of uses ; yet we seem to lack
the means of producing it cheaply enough to su-
persede other and more costly Substances. • It is
• hardly to be believed that knowledg,e of tire man-
ufacture, the various processes to admit it to ma-
nifold uses, is lacking, but rather the difficulty
of procuring the niaterial from which it is made
•prevents us frorn making a more extended use of
it. For some years paper "stock has been very
dear. Rags has advanced in price, as cotton went
up. W-ood fibres and straw have been tested with
a view of keeping down the continually increasing
price of rags, and furnishing a cheaper and equal-
ly valuable material. Yet these, especially the
latter, are not new attempts. So long ago as 1756
the Germans •used straw, and. in 1776 a book was
printed in France, the paper of which was made
of linden or basswood. In 1800 good. white paper
was made in England from straw and wood. It
is certain that neither straw nor wood have yet
been found equal to cotton and linen as a material
for the production.. of paper.
-410at to.
A Safe Ivvestment.--Pat was helping Mr.
Blank to get a safe into his office, and being ac-
quainted with the article, asked what it was
for. "To prevent Papers ancl other articles which
are -placed in it from being burnt in case of fire,"
said Mr. B. "An shure, fl nothing iver burn
that is put in that thing. "No." "Well, then
your honor, you'd better be after getting into the
same thing when ye die,"
VAR IETIES.
" Will you take lunch ?" is now rendered, in
• Boston, "Will you surround some nourishment?"
Cause of Weakness —A milkman accounted for
the weakness of his milk by saying that the cows
•, got caught in. the rain.
The Clank of the Chain.—"I like to read epi-
grams against us women,"' said Mrs. Clever.
"When a culprit clanks his • chains you know
they •are on him"
The Cleveland Herald thinks the maniage
service should be changedlo read—Who -dares
take thiswonian ? and the groom shall answer—
:
I dare.'
An Anierican paper says, "You might as well
attempt to shampoo the head of 'an -elephant with
thimbleful ef soapsuds, as to attempt to do
business and ignore.printer's ink." .
Taking it Literally.—Empleyer to New Clerk t
"Well, Suffies, have you posted the ledger' New
Clerk : Yeth thir, i've pothed the ledger; but
lor, thfr, it -wath too big for trte letter -both, and
I had to take it inthicle the Poth-Offith.
Something Like a Downfall.—A traveller who
has crossed the Atlantic tells a story of a storm
when the rain poured down in such terrible, ter-
rible torrents that the ocean rose ten inches.
"There's no mistake," said he ; "besides the Cap-
tain kept a niark onthe side �f the vessel."
In a recent d.ual between two American law-
yers, on of them had. shot away- the _skirt of the
other's coat. His second, observing the truth of
his aim, declared. that, had his friend been en-
gaged with a client, he would veryaprobably have
bit his pocket.
Life in Tropical Africa. --The daily life of a
"black fellow" has been very graphieally- d.eseri-
bed. in a few words. lie gets a large melon, cuts
it in two, and scoops out the inside, one half he
hi
puts on s head, he sits on. the other half, and
eats the middle.
---
Keeping up the Character —Lord F. marrieda
Ins cook. On the bridal day it rained tremen
dously—the coachman awl his attendant sprites
were wet through, "Ah," said a wag, "all quite •
in character—there's always dripping wherever
she goes." •
" I am afraid. you don't like when they cry, '
said a matron. to a gentleman, as she tried to
sooth the darling in her arms. "Oh, yes," said
he, "I like thern best when • they cry, because
I've always observed that then they are invari:
ably carried out of the room."
Dr. Johnson, when in indigent circumstanc,es,
was offered a rectory if he would enter into or-
ders ; but, sensible of the asperity of histemper,
he declined it saying, "I have not the requisitesfor the office, and. I cannot in conscience shear
the flock which.I am unable to love."
A Compromise.—At- our barber's, yesterday
morning, there was an old chap With a head as
a billiard ball. "I say now barber," snarled. he,
"part hair evenly."—There isn't inuch left
to part," said the man of lather --"You 'have al-
ways said that, and yet you have finished. by
parting it somehow, and I dare say you can
now,"—"No use to try sir; but I'll tell you what
I'll do, ni make a line with s piece of red
chalk."
A Sharp Clergyman. —There was once a dif-
ficulty amongst the simpers of Dr. Samuel West's
church, New Bedford, U. S, and it was reported.
hat the choir would not sing a note on the next
Sunday. The Doctor commenced that morn-
ng's worship by giving out Watt's hymn. "Come
we who love the Lord," After reading it thro"
e looked up,yery enaphatically at the their, and
aid, "You will begin at the second verse
`Let those refuse tO sing
Who lever knew our God.
—They sung that hymn.
Too Much Light —When Daniel Webster and
his brother Ezekiel were together, they had fre-
uent literary disputes; and on one oecassion, af-
ar they had retired to bed, they entered 'into a
qua,bble about a certain passage in one of their
choolbooks, and having risen to examine the au-
horities in their possession, they set the bed-
lothes on fire, and nearly burnt their father's -
welling. On being questioned next morning in
egard to the accident Daniel remarked that
'they were in -pursuit of light," but got more
han they wanted.
As a well-knowu American divine was walking
o a Church in which he was to preach, he got m-
o a conversation with an .old. coloured man, who
sured him that he had rejoiced in a Christain
ope for upwards of fifty years. "Are you going
church ?" he asked. It was the only chureli
the village. "No sah ; I neber go to church,"
"you never •go to church," exclaimed. the as-
nished minister, " and yet you have been a
hristian these fAty years V'—"No. sah ; 1 neber
o to hear them young ministers prac-tize. I'm a
reacher myself." •
An Irish Letter.—"Thidget; darling, come a.
088 to Ameriky to rae then, it's myself is do-
g a nate business here with a son of Father
alone's—sure it's with his brother I mane. He
eeps a whiskey store here and I does the waiten.
e tould me the other morning that he had no
oney, and. I tould. him I would take part of the
hock every Saturday as wages; but says he,—
ure Pat, if I pay you that way, I will soon
ve no shtock at all left, and you will have it
.' Says I to him, says I, 'Sure you can work
r me then, alaima, and earn it back agin, and.
we can keep it up, aud be masther, month in
d month out, and wages will come aisy to both
11
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Arne eau Courtesy..
A writer in the Ottawa Citizen testifies : "Be-
ing at Ogdensburg= the siumner of 1864, I had
occasion tovisitan American gunboat, -Wien re-
fitting at thl.t port, and destined. for use on the
Upper Lakes, - She was a very the vessel; speed
17 knots an hour, armament two Parrot guns—
one a 120 pounder, and an 84, and two, if not four
Dahlreu caaTonades. She had just come round
from Boston, and had passed without a question,
through the whole line of our $t. Lawrence can-
als, and the officers, a, very hospitable set of gen-
tlemen, expert° crede, were loud in their praise of
the courtesy and. aid they had received.
This, too at a time when belligerency, openly
and avowedly, existed, we gave the Northerners
the use of our canals as we gave them the use of
our harbors. On what pretext, therefore, can
they exclude Canadians for the use of the Ste.
Marie Canal, when not even one speck of war ex
ists to justify the exclusion."