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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-04-29, Page 122, 1870. 14], insurance. nt to Insure your ir Mills and Fac - Lr Stock, your arFurniture, mr Life, lply to ATSOikl, MARINE, AND UFI E AGENT, FOR picei Company of Can- a, 'inadianla ndon and Globe Insur -nee iv, (English), ,11.1-tiia1 Insurance Company. Mutual Insurance eo., and anee Society of England, itlis of the profitsevery five Holders. sated and promptly settled. Ily itwit-ed to consult the '.perfeet security and in the W.a for insurance an all de- eperty. TO LEND I Interest, and to be re paid h is the most suitable and mers and others to pay off naisaien Charges, and ex- FGETON EQUITABLE ERMS. 'MACH I NES. achines.for Family Use, aa . [ring purposes, are kept al - Single Threaded and Don - k Stitch Machines can be itisfaction guaranteed, and purchasers- gratis. N. WATSON'S Insurance )wiret Machiee Depot, North , 121— BOLDEN eS to inferm the public that eel a great variety of Sad Les anci N K S preparedto sell tnost Unparelleled, —0— very deseription, warrante s horse's neck. y of, Harness LI; KINDS, n a position to give his value for their money as [lisientii Ontarie. naterial, employed, India- taIe PPOSIZE KIDD &_ JOHN M1ELL [Saa. 52 -ti • Factory-. ETJ SEAFORTH, tLY OPPOSITE, - HOTEL. !would intimate to the in- atforth and surrounding on hand a large stock of BUGGY STtJFF They .Ve orders for an kinds of made up by experienced c latest styles. . by a first-clase Carriage PTLY ATTENDED TO. _ MODERATE. LLL. ()S11 & MORRISON. t, 1570. III-tf. COMFORT -a? PERFECT SIGHT. alnable as perfect sight, and be obtained by using difficulty of procuring forris, Oculists & Optici- ., Manufaeturers of the .i.iectadesehave after years .e erectioa of costly ma - i to prodace that Grand Spectacles, which have aited satisfaction to the States, Prince Edward's I of Canada. - during the se Celebrated Perfected be eye, and last many h, M. R. Counter, from procured. MORRIS & CO., Montreal. NO PEDLERS. t, 1870. 76-1k. WM. F. LUXTON, "Freedom in Trade—Liberty in Religion—Equality in Civil Right81. EDITOR & PUBLISHER. VOL.3, NO. 21, SEA:FORTH, FRIDAY, APRIL 29, 1870. BUSINESS CARDS. MEDICAL. RTRACY, M, D., Coroner for the County of . Huron. Office and Residence—One door East of the Methodist -Episcopal Church. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. . 53-ly L. VERCOE,: M. D. C. M., Physician, Sur- . geenaetc. Office. and Residence, corner of Market and High Street, immediately in rear of Kidd & McMulkin's Store. Seaforth, Feb. 4th. 1870. 53-1y. pR. W. R. SMITH, Physician, Surgeon, etc. Office,—Opposite Veal's Grocery. Resi- dence—Main-street, North. 1, Seaforth, iDec. 14, 1863. 53 - 1 y JCAMPBELL, M. D. C. At., (Graduate of Me- e) . Gill -University, Montreal) Physician, Sur- geon, etc., Seaforth. Office and Residence—Old Post Office Building, up stairs, where he will be found by night or day when at home. Seaforth July 15th 1869. 84-ly LEGAL riAMERON & GARROW, Barristers, Solicit- kea ors in Chancery, &c. OFFI0E,—iEingston St., Goderich. I M. 0. CAMERON, J. T. GAREoW. Seaforth, April 14, 1870. 53-tf I3ENSON, & MEYER, Barristers and Attorney at Law, Solicitors- in Chancery and insolv- ency, Conveyancers, Notaries Public, etc. Of- fices,—Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents' for the Trust and Loan Co. of Upper Canada, and the Colonial Securities Co. of London, England. Money et 8 per cent; no commission, charged. TAS. H. BENSON, H. W. C. MEYER. Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-ly Aire AUG HEY & HOLMSTE A.D, Barristers, Attorneys at Law'Solieitors in Chancery and insolvency, Notaries Public and Conveyanc- ers. Solicitors for the R C. Bank, Seaforth, Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co. N. B. —$30, 000 to lend at 8 per cent. Farms, Houses and Lots for sale. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. 53-tf. -ph F. WALKER. Attorney -at -Law apd So- licitor-iniChancery, Conveyancer, Notary Public, &c. Office of the Clerk of the Peace; Court House, Goclerich, Ont. . N;13.4LMoney to lend at 8 per cent on Farm Lands. Goderich, Ja.n'y. 28. 1870. 112-1y. DENTAL. aeoaaaa'-'e;aa G. W. HARRIS, L. Tho. Arti- ficial Dentures inserted avi h all the latest inaprovements. The greatest care taken" for tne preservation of decayed and tender teeth, : Teeth extracted withdut pain. Rooms over Collier's Store. Seaforth. Dec. 14, 1898. - 1 y HOTELS. et SHAL-RP'S HOTEL, Livery Stable, and General Stage Office, Main -street 11.L SHARP, Prop. Seaforth, Jan. 8th, 1869. 53:tf. C0MER01AL HOTEL, Ainleyville, James Laird, proprietor, affords first-class ,accom- moclation for the travelling public. The l larder and bar are always supplied with the beet the markets afford. Excellent stabling in connection A inleyville, April 23, 18.69. 70-tf. TR. ROSS, Proprietor New Dominion . begs to inform the people of Seaforth and the travelling community generally, that hekeeps first-class accoiamoda.tion an every thing required by travellers. • A good stable and, hostler always on hand, Regular Boarders will receive every necessary attention. . Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869. 63-1y. 150RITISH EXCHANGE HOTEL, GoDERICH, jJ Or, J. CALLAWAY, PROPRIETOR ; J. S. WILLIAMS, (late of American Hotel, Warsaw, N. Y.) Manager. This hotel has recently -.been new- ly tarnished, and refitted thrmighout, and is now one of the most enrefertable and conumodious in the Province. Good Sanaple Rooms for Con:Liner- eial Travellers. Terms liberal. Goderich, April 14, 1870. 123-tf. ARCHITECTS. MAILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc. Plans. 0 and Specifications drawn correctly. Carpen- ter's, Plasterer's, and Mason's work, measured and valued. Office—Over J. 0, Detlor. & Co.'s -store . Court -House Square, Goderich. Goderich, April 23, 1869. 79-1y. SVRIFEYORS. & W. McPHILILIPS, Provincial Land Sur- . veyors, Civil Eneineers, etc. All manner of Conveyancing done withneatness and dispatch. G. McPhillips, Commissioner in B. R. Office— Next door south of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth. Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. 53-1y. AUCTIONEER: - HAZLEHURST, Licensed Auctioneer fo o. the County pf Huron. Goderich; Ont Particular attention paid to the sale of Bankrupt Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed, Landlord's Warranta Executed. Also, Bailiff. First Division: Court for Huron. • Gaiderich; June 9th, 1869. 76. tf, JS. PORTER, Seaforth, Ont. dealer in hides, „ sheep skins, fursand-Wool. 'Dberal advance- ments made on consignments. Money to lend. Insurance agent. Debts collected. Highest -price paid for green backs.—Office east side of Main Street, one door north Johnson Bros', Hardware Store. 122-tf. PARTING. The slimmer sky was overcast, 0 I knew the sunshine would not last; We mused upon the golden past, Together. And. then we thought of what might be, Of all the life-long misery, The sunless days we should not see, Together. And ere I left my happy land. "This is the last time we shall stand," I said, "my darling, hand in hand Together. , • " And since we two may never wed, Dear love ! how blessed to be dead, And laid to rest ?" "Ah ! yes," she said, "Together!" LONDON STREET CHARACTERS. How apt are people who visit foreign countries to. interest themselves exclusively with the mate- rial works of man, instead of observing man him- self! In gazing at cathedrals, castles, palaces, they are prone to forget that right about them is the most curious sight of all—a community whose manners and customs, in little things, are new to them, and -should be most interesting. To my mind, it is more interesting to ride, on the -top of an omnibus, in London, from Kentish town to Charing Cross, than to wander through Westmin- ster Palace, or to climb to the cross of St. Paul's. For from that eyrie, as it were, you may gaze down upon an ever varying and shifting panora- ma, W hi eh shows you in turn the many-sided phases of the .London character. Here is the cockney, the shopkeeper—what the French call le pueple—en masse. You see a thousand faces— all unmistakeably English, ruddy, hardy, straight- forward and practical—yet faces which telltales of widely divergent traits, and for each of whom you may compose a seperate history. How diff- erent are they from our own Yankee physiogno- my ---and how different from the sallow, sprightly Frenchmen and women! The shops, too, have great interest; with their inexhaustible variety of wares, many of them quite unfamiliar to theYan- kee eye. And here let me note that of late you see many more Yankee nicknacks and inventions in the London shops than you used to do. "The last American wonder !" stares me everywhere in the face as I pass the great advertisement boards on the Holborn Viaduct and in Farringdon street; here and thererny eyes fall upon "The great Yan- kee invention—the patent gridiron !" "American bar-room—all the last New Yorkmixed drinks !" "Real American negro troupe—consisting of for- mer slaves in the Soutlaern. States"—and so on ad infinitum. You have no idea- of the interest which the Londoners of late—since the Nvar--take in American affairs. American books are sold everywhere ; you find American papers in every newsroom and hotel Members of Parliament are constautly quoting America as an illustration of this or that policy, and American jokes form the staple of three-quarters of the "fun" columns of the weekly journals. "‘ EARLY MORNING CALLERS." To return to the London streets, for I have wandered a little from them—every city has its peculiar sounds and sights ; but in order to hear and see them, you must not go to a sluggard. You must take Poor Richard's advice, and be up betimes. It is in the early morning ,that many of the London " inetitutions," which have been instituted these many centuries, are to be studied. The poor folks who administer so many of the little comforts to the Londoner, —the "early morning callers," as they are named by the Lon- doners themselves—must turn out of bed in the small hours of the morning, while their patrons are lazily ensconced among their feathers and pillows. Among the unfashionable " morning calls," to which London households are liable, it is hard to say which has the precedence; perhaps it is the sweep, or the washerwoman, or the char- woman, who has come by -the earliest dawn of a midsummer morning to begin turning the house "out o' Windows," scraping and rubbing and mo- ving furniture from celler to garret. The sweep, if he is the first on the spot, begins his hoarse morning song by starlight, to the accompaniment, —not so very gratefuly to the inmates,— -of the street door -bell and knocker. He rings and rings, singing all the while, snow or no snow, until the bolts are drawn, the door -chain falls, and he is heard stamping his way down stairs. Soon there is a portentous rumbling heard, near your head through the wall, as if bricks and mortar were parting conapany, ; it is the sweep's many jointed broom clearing the chimney's throat, it rakes and scrapes and rakes from fireplace to roof with- out cessation, and you must bid good bye to your "sweet second nap" for that morning at least. His work over, the sooty operator pockets -his pay shoulders his -bag, and you may hear his shrill, hoarse cry, as he recedes from the house. lOn Monday mornings you have no peace, for here is the washerwoman. The London washerwoman has not, to put the fine point on it, the patience of Job, nor even of chimney sweeps. She has no notion of etanding out there in the mist and. fog, while the servant lazily puts on her dress. She rings a stout, sharp, loud peal, and before that has quite died out, she pulls at it again; and, that still clanging, she grasps the knocker and drives her assault home by a thud which startles every Soul from his bed. The good lady does nothing by halves,and it being just now, her object to get into the house, she loses no energy in achiev- ing her purpose. Besides, after her long walk throegh the mingled fog anci darkness, she wants that genial cup of tea—tea ! that universal resort of the British matron, from duchess to beggar— which is to preface her long day's work, and the making of which will be the first thing that she will attend to after lighting the kitchen fire—a duty of which she always. relieves Biddy on washMg days. If theworthy woman, after penetrating the house, finds things to her mind, you hear nothing more of her; but if anything perchance goes wrong—if the cup of tea, proves a failure, or the weter butt is frozen, or the flue is smoky—then she takes strong measures with her tongue, which is, you may be sure, a capable organ. CH.tRWOMAN AND MILKMAN. The charwoman is a far humbler individual. She has been knocked about the world too much to'have much boldness or self-assertion. - Her Wandering life, -shifts, mild privations have taken the fine British quality of self-assertion quite out of her. She is generally the widowof some work- ing -man, who has left her with a small family, in whose support and bringiag up she is assisted by the charitable; perhaps the out -door pittance WHOLE NO. 125. of the -work -house. Once a servant, she now cul- tivates the patronage of her old mistress; is but too glad to work for them by the day, and is grateful for the trifles of food or clothing which are often added to thelday's pay, for the sake of her fatherless children. She looks forward to the time when they shall be established in life, and when she may be once more at liberty to re- engage herself to one or other of her old mis- tresses. Between six and seven in the morning there is a sharp pulrat the bell, followed at once by a loud cry, at first very mysterious to the Yankee visitor. It sounds like " Mee-uh !" It is the - morning milkman, or rnilkwoman, who means to say "Milk !" but you never would guess it. He (or she) is the most regular an4 most methodical -of the "early morning callers." Each milkman has to supply some hundred and fifty families, whose breakfasts depend for their comfortable completion upon his punctuality. Biddy must be up and waiting for him; and he is very peremp- tory in insisting upon not beingodelayed. But he. is, nevertheless, a good-natured soul; and if per- chance Biddy does fail him for once, he will leave the modicum of milk in a little can, stowed away in some snug corner near the door, or lower it into the area by a string and hook—she returning the can when he comps round with the afternoon's supply. In the London streets thepostmen with their blue coats, red collars, and grey bags swung ever their shoulders, are ubiquitous, and you are always running across them. How aeon you will receive your letters from them depends somewhat on the distance you happen to be from the great dingy -pillared General Post Office in St. Martin's le Grand. Thousands of letters—especiallythose addressed to sentimental young ladies of the up- per class—are read • every morning in bed, and suspect that it is no common treat; but my own lodgings are too distant for that, and thepostman's blunt double slam-bang ! on the street knocker comes just about the time Biddy is mounting from the kitchen, weighed; down with my breakfast tray. Biddy, though, not over quick to answer the ordinary summons to the door, is very impa- tient, for some reason or other, to reach the door when the postman kreacks • whether it be that she has a sweetheart beyond the Atlantic, from whom she expects a billet-doux, or whether the postman himself has been particular in his atten.- tions, it would be impeikinent to ask. Close upon the heels of the postman comes the dustman, with his hobnailed shoes Who seems oblivious to every- body and every thing but his immediate business —regarding housekeepers and maids merely in the light of producers of dust, of which they are undoubted and exclusive proprietors, and they are not far wrong • for the dust is theirs by con- tract, and they know it; and take good care to show that they know it ' They come at regular times, which it is quite iinpostible to foresee, empty their treasury; the dust box, and bear the contents off with noisy marching and counter- marching, husky demands for "beer money," ac- cepting it with a growl, and bundling off without more ado. BREAD, GREENS, AND NEWSPAPERS. As I sit at my breakfast of stout English rolls, juicy English steak and most abominal English coffee, several "morning callers," one after an- other,- disturb the placid current of my contem- plations. There is the baker's boy, a rosy and withal a most impudent youth, with a voice like a brass trumpet and a face like a brass door plate who has brought a little black handcart with rolls steaming from the oven, and rolled. up in blank- ets to keep the steam in them; he bawls out "B'k-a-a-r-r-r !" as though he was surprised into bawling it and didn't mean to, and he bangs. his basket on the door -step fiercely, as if to say that you must take the bread whether or no, and his errand over, he is off like a shot to explode else, where. Next comes the tattered and forlorn fig- ure of a girl, "with pensive countenance and air of grief,' who sings along the streets, plaintively -and with uncertain voice, and who appears as re- gularly as the breakfa3t hour arrives. Her song is old, and she repeated over and Over these many years -7" Buy my cresses, fresIvand green ! buy come buy !" She leads a weary life of it; _ she buys her stock at the Farringdon market long ere the sun has risen, and trudges not less than twen- ty miles each day to get rid of it. hi the Spring time these cries are varied by the "Yarmouth bloater," as he is called, bringing round his fish to sell; he has a hollow, ram's -horny voice, which makes you shudder in your shoes, with a salty look, and sea -colored from his dress to his face, hands and hair. Anon there is a sudden chorus, which wells round the corner in a moment—a multitude of eager boy voices, and presently, if you are seated at your window on the ground floor you are beseiged with these pertinacious infants, who press npon you the respective claims of the "Daily Press !" Telegraph !" "Standard !" "Globe !" and so on ; or they hasten from door to door, delivering the damp -sheets In the letter boxes for the breakfast reading of the people. Sometimes they thrust them under the doors, or shy them in at the open parlor windows or send them whirling against Bicldy'fecap in the area -- thus combining, with taue gamin, art, pleasure with business. CATS' MEAT MAN. But 'perhaps the most unique personage of all these morning callers is one who emits a sound from between his lips quite beyond, at least, Yankee experience. To the Londoner who charges us with talking through our noses, by all means commend the London " Cat -meat man." His voice is all nose. It is his nostrils, and not his Palate, which articulate. About ten in the morning you may hear Win everywhere. He goes along rapidly, in a white blouse and dusty gray felt hat; with a small baaket on his arm. His cry, as nearly as I can imitate it on paper, is something like this :---!eCutss—hmeat—hmeat— hmeat hme—at !" exclusively through his nose. As he goes along the street, mingled with his cu- rious shout,youhear a choeus of lively and eager catawauling from all the' cats in all the neighbor- hood around; which come jumping and bounding out of the doors and up the areas, rush up to the bringer of their morning breakfast, and follow him m a loudly mewing group until he stops. The "cats' meat" is simply horse flesh, boiled, cut in thin slices, through several of which a nar- row stick is punched. One of these sticks with, say four or five slices, is sold to the mistress of the house for a penny, and supplies all the nume- rous feline inhabitants of her household with a hearty morning meal. , "snow BIRDS." As one lolls in bed some gloomy, muggy, Lon - 4n -foggy Winter's morning, wondering whether we shall have to light the gas to dress by, our ears are greeted by a characteristic noise which is peculiar to that dismal season. It is a sort of clattering, crunching, rasping on the street - stones, echoing from every aide up and down the streets, and mingling with the sound of voices shouting every now and then gruffly and hoarse- ly. This hints that during the night there has been a fall of snow, heavy enough to give roads and pavements a white shroud some inches deep; for snow in England never reaches the dignity of being measured, as in New England, by feet—but is abundanty content with inches. There is no need to crawl out to the windowto ascertain the fact; for we hear the "snow-birds"—as fastidious Cockaaeydom is pleased to call the snow shovel- lers—shovelling away the snow and cleaning the foot pavements for pedestrian convenience. Of all the early morning callers these poor fellows are perhaps the most forlorn and worthy of com- passion. They leave their beds—if, indeed, they are happy in having bedsto leave—before day- break of the dreariest season in the year, and hasten forth in the damp and cold, duly armed , with ,brooms, brushes spades, shovels, hoes, picks, fire -pans ----everything they can beg of bor- row, to the nearest suburb, there to earn a few pence by laborious, back -breaking work, under A rude and bleak sky. . They are truly a pertinacious race, besieging the doors, quite incapable of taking "no," for an answer; and, sticking to their point, in spite of our interated refusal and rebuff. The easiest way, .as well as the most humane, is to comply with their demands for the job of jist cleanin' away the snow a hit." There is an Act of Par- liament behind them requiring every citizen to have the snow 'shovelled from his pavement -- and this makes their arguements hard to refute. You wont catch a "Snow -bird" either who is ig- norant of said Act; and, if youkick against, the pricks, he will threw it in your face and annhil- ate you. What the wretched "Snow -birds" do for a crust when the snow d.oes not spread. its table -cloth for their breakfast—for they are the poorest and wretchedest ef London paupers— where the thohsands of famished boys and youths, and half-clad half-grown girls, find the means of satisfying their hunger and sheltering their raggedness, while the dreary London winter drags its lazy length along, Heaven knows—I don't. With the "Snow -bird" the "winterwater carrier," though a far more prosperous person- age, has a sort of kinship. When the frost plugs up the water -pipes, and half London goes down to breakfast unwashed, he is sure to make his ap- pearance and take advantage of the "perfect blockade" to run in his own goods. He is indis- pensable to. the blockaded Londoner until the thaw sets in and upsets his trade. He is a regu- lar individual, however, and no more supernum- erary satellite of Jack Frost; he is on confiden- tial terms with the turncock. of the "New River Company," and he claims respectibility as the sole proprietor of a yoke and pair of cumbrous pails. He is the staunch alley of Biddy, whii is not us- ually inelined to expose her bare though plump, arms to the east wind, in order to get water from the street -plug --and so burdens mistress with = a charge of several pennies -daily to have the water carrier dispose the necessary liquid cozi!y in the back kitchen vats. For this help, he isnot loth to help her in turn; and may be seen bringing in her kindling wood, carrying messages to the gro- cer or the butcher, and mending a dropsical pipe in the historical apartment of every British mansion below stairs—the scullery.; to save her from being flooded in that anxious interval be- tween the arrival of the thaw and that of the plumber. -eee • se Detroit Railway Tunnel. Mr. E. S. Cresbourg, Civil Engineer, was in- troduced by Janaes F. Joy, Esq., to investigate the feasibility of building a railway tunnel under the Detroit river, and -his assistants have com- pleted the details of the work, and "the final plans have recently been submitted. The follow- ing is a general outline :--- The proposed line (including approaches) may be said to begin at the station of the Michigan Central Railway, in Detroit, and will be ou the surface to First Street and Cass Street. Between First Street,. and Cass Street there will be an open cutting but by a favorable grade of the street the line will get under cover at Cass Street, and for- a short distance will be under a girder covering, but the rising grade of the street, and the descending grade of the tunnel, makes it practicable to com- mence arching a distance of 47 feet, which will first be open cutting, then a double track tunnel, or covered way, will be built. At a distance of 95 feet from the Detroit portal, the circular form of the tunnels begin; thence by two single track tunnels to the portal onthe Canada side; thence by !alien cutting for about half a mile, and thence on surface for about one third of a mile, to the junction with the Great Western Railway, two miles from the Windsor Station. The details of the plan are as follows: Two single track tunnels; length of tunnels, 8,568 feet, portal to portal • grade, 1 in 50 on each side of the -river, 1,000 feet level below bed of the river; size, 18 -ft. 6 in. interior diameter; shape, cylindrical; thickness of shell under river, 2 ft. ; thickness of shell not under- river, 1 ft. six in. The main tunaela to be 50 feet apart. It is ex- pected that one will be constructed first. Drain- age by small circular tiumel, 5 feet interior diam- eter, built midway between the main tunnels and below grade ; this tunnel is to extend across the river between the two shafts, and is to be first made, not only to drain the maintmmels during and after their construction, but to develope, as far as possible, the nature of the soil before their commencement. There will be 294,000 cubic yards of excava- tion in tunnel; 68,000 cubic yards of brick mason- ry, exclueive of drainage tunnel, and 3,700 cubic yards of atone masonry. Two working shafts, 10 feet interior diameter, are to be constructed, one on each side of the river, between main tunnels, and connection by means of lateral drift, 9 feet interior diameter. Without any shaft in the ri- ver, the work can be executed in two years, allow- ing a margin for extra precautions under the deep part of the river. A horrible intimation comes from Charlestown, Mass. A lady, who has suffered lately from an inflamed neck, has been told by her physician that it is caused by horrid insects called borers, inhabiting the Hindoo bark braid. of her chignon. She has cast the chignon from her and has had her head shaved as smooth as a billiard ball, (par- don the comparison,) fearing some of the vile in- sects havetakenup their abode in her natural back hair. --ea • el. At Fobbing, Essex, England; a child named. Selina Baker has died from neglected bronchitis, her parents, who were of the sect called "Peculiar People," persisting in using no other means for her recovery than "prayer." VARIETIES. When does a ship tell a falsehood? 'When she lies at the wharf. Why are old maids the most charming of peo- ple ? Because they are matchless. Many a man's vices have at first been nothing worse than good qualities run -wild. Shrewd inquiries are being made, whether the cup of sorrow has a saucer. Can any one tell us' The Pleasures of Hope—Buying stock at a low figure and waiting for it to rise. There is a man in Totnes so witty, that his wife manufactures all the butter, the family uses; from the cream of his jokes. There is many a man whose tongue might gov- ern multitudes, if he could only govern his tongue. The likeliest way to thrive is method M bus- iness, and. never to do that by another that you can conveniently do yourself. A tipsy fellow leaning against the fence, was asked where he expected to go when he died: "If I don't get along any better than now," said. he, shant go nowhere."- " I have lost my appetite," said a gigantic gentleman and an eminent performer on the tren- cher, to dark Supple. "1 hope," said Supple, "no poor man has found it, for it would ruin him in a week." AN EPITAPH. "Here lies a friend—would all might prove as true Unselfish, steadfast, gentler neer I knew, - Throughout all time this stone shall tell his fame He had four legs, and Toby was his namel -"What is the reason that men never kiss each other, while the ladies waste a world of kisses on femimne faces ?" said a foolish gent to a lively girl the other day. The young girl answered : "Because the men have something better to kiss, and. the women haven't." Dr. Arnot, of Edinburgh, tells of being at a railway station one day, and wearied of waiting for the train to move, he asked of one of the men what the trouble was. "Is there a want of wa- ter ?" "Plenty of water, sir," was the prompt relay. "but it's ?to' bilin'," "Why do you drive such a pitiful looking carcass -as that? Why don't you put a heavier coat of flesh upon him 9" said a traveller to an Irish cab -driver, "A heavier load of flesh' By the powers, the poor creature can hardly carry what little there is on him now." A Cincinnatti lady, who recently found the gas escaping in her servant's chamber, asked. her if she had blown it out, instead of turning it off : and was told that she "was not so green as all that." She had only turned it on again a little that it would be easier lighted in the morning." Not in haste —A clergyman in Scotland, very homely in his address, chose for his text a pas- sage in the Psalms, "I said M my taste, all men are liars." "Aye," premised his reverence, by way of introduction, "ye said it your haste, Da- vid, did ye? Grin ye had been here, ye micht hae said it at your leisure, myman." During a trial in the Tombs, the other day, the Judge rebuked a stupid witness for speaking dis- respectively of public men whereat the witnesa, in great alarm, exclaimed: "I beg your Honor's pardon, an' I won't never ag'in say anything ag'in a scoundrel, for fear of Iteinting your Hon- or's feelings." A few days since; a little ragged urchin was sent by a tradesman to collect a small bill. He begun in the usual way, but becoming more and more importunate, at length the gentleman's pa- tience being exhausted, he said to him: "You need not dun me so sharply ; I am not going to run away." "I don't suppose you are,' sai& the boy, scratching his head, 'but my master is; and he wants the money." CIRCUMSTANCE. Two children in two neighbor villages, Playing mad pranks along the healthy leas ; Two strangers meeting ata festival; Two lovers whispering by an orchard wall; Two lives pound fast in one with golden -ease ; Two graves grass -green beside a chnrch-tower. Washed with chill rains and daisy -blossomed, Two children in .one hamlet born and bred; So runs the round of life from hour to hour. A little chap had a dirty face, and his teacher told him to go and wash it. He went away, and after a few moments returned -with the lower part of his countenance tolerably clean, while the per part was dirty and wet. "Johnny," said the teacher, "why didn't you wash your face ?" "I did wash it; Sir." "You didn't wipe it all then" "I did wipe as high up as my shirt would go, " COURTSHIP. Clara, 1 love but thee alone (Thus sighed the tender. youth; Oh, hear me, then, my passion own, With trembling lips, m earnest tone; Indeed I speak the truth. He paused, the blush Werspread her cheek. She let him draw her tear; Scarce for emotion could she speak, Yet still she asks in accents meek, How much he had a year! • In an Episcopal Church in the State of Ohio, a porter, employed during the week at the rail- way station, does duty on Sunday by blowing the bellows of the organ. The other Sunday he fell sound asleep during the service, and so re- mained till required. He was suddenly awaken- ed by another official, when, apparently dream - Mg of an approaching train, he started to his feet and roared out with all the force and shrillness of stenorian lungs, and habit: "Change cars here ' for Chicago, Buffalo, and Detroit. The effect upon the congregation, eitting in expectation of a concord of sweet sounds, ma..y be imagined. In oneof the bower counties of Maryland there fiurished, in the balinydays of the "peculiar in- stitution," an old darky preacher, who used no notes, and prided hiraself on his extemporaneous efforts. His white brethern called him "Doc- tor''—a title -which he accepted, of course, with ludicrous gravity. At a camp -meeting which the "Doctor" was holding, one of these friends gave him, as a text, the passage in the Psahn of Da- vid : "Wake, psaltery and harp; I myself -will arise right early," The "Doctor" adjusted his spectacles and read : "Wake, peasle-tree and harp, I myself will arouse right airly" The "Doctor" went on to explain. that Moses was a very airly riser; that he had a peasle-tree which grew near his window; and that he was wont to rise mighty airly and hang out his harp on de peasle tree, wid imam. .7" ••• a