HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-04-22, Page 1'RIL 1 riso.
ro LET.
fiat in Scott's BIQA,
eivenient rooms in the
& HOLMESTED.
123-1,f.
TO LET.
ing of Kitchen, Dining
ree or four Bed Rooms,
a be let by the proprie-
XV. CAMPBELL,
1.2t-tf.
if the Subscriber, Lot
4,rs,reith, on or about
()LOUT- 1.0AR,
owner is iequebtt d to
es, and take the animal
("1-1 McKINN ON.
1871). 121-0ins.
iaiied January f st,1863,
(e• on the Ilst of January,
bkientoWilliam Brown.
on who may find or
iating the same, as ar-
k -red into between the
e settienuent of the
cILLIAM HANNA..
Yr. FOR SA-L,E.
sale a large Frame
uU Village Lot on the
itist Church, Seaforth.
Lakoi in exchange. Ap-
MeAURTIIER.
• 112 -Cm,
T F It SALE
for sale a large Frame
ew, and Village Lot,
irch, Seaforth. Farm
ia exchange. Apply an
McAURTIIER.
1I2 -6m-
0
-of Beal Property in the
frora E0 10 per cent.,
SQTITER,
srriarers, 'qotierich.
LODGE,
170 04- R. C.
DTOMunieatt6rt on MON-
April 18th
L)UNTER, Secretary..
FOR SALE.
‘-lle and Seaforth, iwthe-
Carding Mill property,
s, and 1,6 cords of stone.
sold either tegether or
•
f EY& HOLMESTED.
-
THOMA.S KNOX.
'LUMBER!'
OIL hand at their Mills,
the I:ill-eve of Ain -
of Good DRY PINlit
,ing different kinds; viz •
ansl two. ineh, clear, A
Inch and a quarter, and
L)111 dressed ard 1 leder-
common boards and
long. Board and 3trip
be sold at redee,ed
'd a flrst-01a83 piarning
•achinery, and intend
all kinds constantly
eon being- able toprocure
es of ;Lumler at their
e adtaa-tised.
to the mill can have it;
otice and lowest possible
&T. SMITH',
114-tf
ty inferra the public that
a great variety of Sad -
and
K S
to sell
arelleled.
-epare
description, warrant -
neck.
or Harness
RINDS,
a position to give hie
ue for their money as
lament in Ontario,
terial employed, ladies -
Me.
POSIT.E KIDD dr
OAMPBKLIs.
52-etfs
3
1'4
e!
WM. F. LUXTON,
"Freedom in Trade --Liberty in Religion---Epality in Civil Riga?".
EDITOR & PUBLISHER.
VOL. 3, NO. 20,
SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, APRIL 22,1870.
WHOLE NO. 1.4.
BUSINESS CARDS.
MEDICAL.
RTRACY, M. D:, Coroner for the County of
, Huron. Office and Residence—One door .
Rost of the Methodist Episcopal Church. „
Seaford', Dec. 14th, 1868, 53-ly
TT L. VERCOE, M. D. C. M., Physician, Sur-
geon, etc. Office and • Residence, corner
of Market and etc.,
Street, immediately in rear
of Kidd & McMulkin's Store.
Seaforth, Feb. 4th, 1870. •53-1y.
TAR. W. R. SMITH, Physician, Surgeon, etc.
Office,—Opposite Veal's Grocery. Resi-
•dence-111ain-street, North.
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1863.
•
JCAMPBELL, M. D. C. M., 1Graduate of Me -
Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur -
von, etc., Seaforth. Office and Residence—Old
Post Office Building, up stairs, where he will be
founcl by night.or day when at home.
Seaforthsjuly 15th, 1869, 84-1y_
St.,
re.
LEGAL -
CAMERON & GA.RROW, Barristers, Solicit-
ors in Chancery, &c. OFFICE, —Kingston
Goderich.
C. CAMERON, J. 'T. GARROW.
Seaforth, April 14, 1870. 53-tf
ency,
fices,—Seaforth
Trust
Colonial
1AS.
BENSON
LP
& MEYER, Barristers and Attorney
at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and Insolv-
Conveyancers, Notaries Public, etc. Of-
and Wroxeter, Agents for the
and Loan Co. of Upper Canada, and the
Securities Co. of London, England.
at 8 per cent; no commission, charged.
H. BENSON, , H. W. C. MEYER.
Dec: 10th 1868. 53-ly
Money
Seaforth,
it
and
ers.
Agents
Houses
N.
Seaforth,
1CAUGHEY & HOLMSTEAD,
Attorneys at Law, Solicitors
Insolvency, Notaries Public
Solicitors for the R. C. Bank,
'for the Canada Life
B. —$30, 000 to lend at 8 per
and Lots for sale.
Dec. 14th, 1868.
Banisters,
in Chancery
and Conveyanc-
Seaforth,
Assurance Co.
cent. Farms,
p3-tf.
PP. WALKER, Attorney -at
, licitor-in-Chancery, .Conveyancer,
Pablic, &c. Office of the Clerk
Court House, Godericli, Ont.
N.B.—Money to lend at 8 per
Lands. •.
, Goderich, Jan.'y. 28. 1870.
-Law and So-
Notary
of the Peace,
cent on Farm
112-1y.
DENTAL.
.41,..._.„.._.,.,., G. W. HARRIS, L. D. S. Arti-
as, a - - ficial Dentures inserted with all the
7411lieal latest improvements. The greatest
eate taken for the preservation of decayed and 1
hericler teeth. Teeth extracted without pain. :
Rooms over Collier's Store.
Seaforth. Dec. 14, 1898. a ry.
,
HOTELS.
,
SHARP'S 110TEL,tivery Stable, and Genera ,
Stage Office,Main-street. II .L SHARP, Prop.
, Seaforth, Jan. 8th, 1869: 1 53:tf.
COMMERC1AL HOTEt, Ainleyville, James
Laird, proprietor, affords first-class accom- (
modation for the travelling public. The larder (
and bar are always supplied with the best the 1
markets afford. Excellent stabling in connection I
A inleyville, April 23, 1869. 70-tf. (
JR. ROSS. Proprietor New Dominion Hotel,:
, begs to inform the people of Seaforth and - !
the travelling community generally, that hekeeps 'I
first -c -lass. accommodation m every thing required C
by travellers. A good stable and willing hostler t,
always on hand, Regular Boarders will receive '
every neuessary attention. P
Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869, • 6371y. t
•
lop RITISH EXCIIANGE HOTEL, Gem Hat;
_LP ONT., J. CALLAWAY, PROPRIETOR ',' J. 5. N
WILLIAMS, (late of American Hotel, Warsaw, N. 'V
Y.) Manager. This hotel has recently been new- t
ly furnished, and refitted throughout, and is now E
one of the most cntufertable and Commoclioes in v
the Province. Good SarciPle Rooms for Cominer- s
cial Travellers. Terms liberal.. si
Goclerich, April 14, 1870 123-tf. . s
s d
ARCRITECTS. c
e
t:
SMAILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc. Plans fi
and Specifications dra,wn correctly. Carpen- t;
ter's, Plasterer's, and Mason's work, measured a
and valued. Office—Over J. C. Detlor & Co.'s 0
store, Court -House Square, Goderich.
Goderich, April 23, 1869. - - 79-1y. jE
SURVEYOAS. si
0:
• d
Qfsi & W. MePIIILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur- ac
-a., veyors, Civil Enaineers, etc. All manner ci
of Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatch. si
G. -McPhillips, Commissioner in B. R. Office— •
it
Next door south of Sha Is Hotel, Seaforth. li
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 186 . 53-ly .
- - q'
b;
AUCTIONEER. 4 B
w
-DO HAZLEHURST, Licensed Auctigneer fo ag"
I), the County of Huron. Goclench, Ont "
Partieular, attention paid to the sale Zif Bankrupt
Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal ti
Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed, , h'
Landlord's Warrants Execnted. Also, Bailiff- in
First Division Court for Huron. i • in
1
qaderich, June 9th, 1869, 76. tf, w
hi
JS. PORTER, Seafolith, Ont., dealer in hides,
sheep skins, furs and wool. Liberal advance-
ments made on consignments. Money to lend.
Insurance agent Debts collected, Highest
price paid for green backs.--0ffice cast side of
Main Street, one door north Johnson Bros'.
_Hardware Store. 122-tf.
LOif G -AGO.
BY H• ANNAH LANE.
The hall of mirth is full gay to:night, -
And crowds fill the stately room,
And I stand 'neath the lamp's soft, mellow light
Mid the tropic flowers' perfume.
Forms fearless and fair fill the dances' maze,
And sweet s the music's flow;
But amidst them all one alone olds my gaze,
'Tis my lost love of long, long ago.
There are drooping flowers in her ebon hair,
And diamonds flashing bright
The white pearils gleam on the bosom fair,
, As she moves through the dance tosnight,
I watch each change of the beautiful fase
And the slumbrous eye's deep glow,
But she thinks -not now of the olden days,
And the love of that long, long ago.
Did she/think' of an hour in a Southern clime,
'Where the tall magnolia's bloom,
'Neath,the spreading boughs of the drooping lime,
In the twilight's softest gloom ;
Doth she think of a hand that I held in my own,
While her lips re-echoed my vow,
Ah, say-!, cloth she think of the years long gone?
The years of the blest long ago?
Doth she think of a love that I laid at her feet—
A love in its strength and its truth;
A love that life's changes unehanging could meet,
A love of Eternal youth;
And the answer' she geve, her sweet blushing
face, -
It thrills me with bliss even now,
But fle61 are the thoughts of the olden days,
And the love of the long, long ago.
She walks her halls with a step of pride,
Her halls that are gorgeous and fair,
For the titled dotard that calls her his bride,
Hath decked them in beauty rare; ,
And I watch her steps and dream of the past,
Of a love that her,pride trampled down— ,
Of a love that I cherished too bright for to last,
The love of the years that are gone.
But an hour will come when her wealth cannot
cheer,
Her heart in its weary pain,
And the flattering voice on the palsied ear,
;Cannot waken its pulses again.
Then memory will bring the scenes that have
fled,
And her heart my sad anguish will know,
And her false heart will crave the true love that
lies dead—
The love of the lon , long ago.
FROM T CRAVE.
(CONCLUDE
Two years passed away, and Mary had devel-
ped so rapidly that she was mu like other wo-
en in knowledge and acquirement,but she had
memory of anything before her t nce. Ast-
ey toM her the whole story, and urge her to re -
all sonaething of the time before, but it, was in
ram n her memory was clear gone, And the pre-,
ent time was SO. happy they cared little fera the
est. She was something belonging so' entirely
o him, even_ her life she owed to his care, and
oved him so intensely, there being no one in th
orld whom she knew or loaod beside, that he
ould not fail to be very happy ; and the mystery
f the bond between them enhanced its charm.
They were married, and still lived in the same
rivacy as before; her husband and his love suffi-
ed for everything, and she shrank from entering
world of which she knew nothing. Astley's ac-
uaintances had long decided that if he was net
ad, he was at least eccentric enough te make his
ompany undesirable, and had fallen off one by
ne, leaving non % but a i3rofessional circle. He
ad. the reputation of being skillful, and his prac-
ice was a large one ; his spare hours were devot-
(I to his home which was his heaven.
Two more years passed, years of the most per-
ect happiness. Mary differed now in nothing
om other women, save for that blank existence
f more than twenty years. The memory of that
ime never returned. She lived entirely within
oors. Astley had one evening taken her out for
walk, and unaccustomed sights and sounds Of
he streets had terrified her so much that he nev-
r again -repeated the experiment.
At times a longing to introduce his beautiful
rife to his old friends and rtiatives in America
as very strong, but the difficulties of explana-
on, or of deceit, which it would involve, combi-
ecl with her aversion,,to the project, always pre -
ailed and the idea was dismissed as the thing
as impossible.
Six years had passed since the eventful night
rhen Mary had been brought as dead to Astley's
oor, when walleinebone day in the streets of the
ty,d.
' he met an olfriend whom he had not seen
ce his departure from America. The recogni-
on was mutual, and Astley insisted upon his
ie.nd returning with him to clinner. invi-
tion was 'cordially given and willingly acce*ed,
id, thinking to surprise Mr. Holt by the sight
his wife's roveliness, he said nothing of his be-
g married, picturing to himself what his aston-
hment would be when, lie saw her.
-•
Though he had anticipated some evidence of
rprise he was quite unprepared - for the eXcess
emotion displayed by Mr. Holt upon his intro-
ction to Mrs. Astley. The color left his face
✓ a moment, then returning violently dyed it
imson, and the. words of acknowledgement were
ammered out almost unintelligible. • Reeover-
g his composure with a strong effort he offered
s ann to lead Mrs. Astley to dinner, but she
netly declined it, laying her hand upon her hus-
nd's. During the whole time of dinner Mr.
olt scarcely moved his eyes from Mary's face,
ho did not seem at all disturbed by his intense
e, and took no notice of her guest beyond what
spitality demanded.
Astley's suspicions were excited long before
e meal was ended, and his heart took a leap as
thought it possible that his friend was falling
love with his beautiful wife. He cursed the
pulse that had induced him to bring Holthome
th him, and busily invented excuses for ridding
mself of his guest as soon as possible.
bit's agitation increased to positive illness be-
fore long, and rising he asked Astly to accompany
him, who took him by the arm and asked him if
he was -ill.
"111 1" he groaned, "I wish I was dead."
He sat down and covered his face. with his
hands.
"You'll think me a, fool, Astley, but the like
ness of your wife to mine has completely over
-come me."
"Are you married, then said Astley, I di
not know it."
"I was married eight years ago. I married an
English girl with your wife's hair and eyes, her
height, too, and with her sweet voice. I brought
her here directly after our marriage, and we liv-
ed the happiest in the world for two years—and
then she died."
the whole story. If she does not understand it,
she will believe it when you tell her so."
The sneer with which the words was spoken
d was a cruel one, but misery had made him cruel,
and he scarcely knew what he alaid or did. -
And Astley told her all in a few words. She
looked bewildered.
"It must be true if you say so but I cannot re-
collect, and, 0 Astley, I love only you"
"She must come with me !" shouted Holt, sav-
agely.
The demon had got the better of him, and the
poor wretch, mad with jealous pain, spoke with
pain, spoke bitter and unjust words, that made
the terrified woman cling more closely to Astley
for protection. .
The scene mmst be ended for her sake, and Ast-
ley besought Holt to leave them till the next day,
when,
if they could but decide lupon what was
right it should be done. For her sake, too, he
condescended to plead with the frantic man, and
seeing that Mary had fainted in his arms, he laid
her down and led. Holt from the room that the
sight of her might no longer madden isim. His
rage died out from simple exhaustion, and throw-
ing himself into a chair, he wept like a child.
Astley roused him.
"bit, be a man. This jam awful tragedy.
I wish to Heaven I had died rather than played
my part in it. There are not upon the earth,. two
men so broken-hearted as you and L Let us ac-
cept what is inevitable, but let us spare what an-
guish we can to that unhappywoma,n. Leave me
now, and to -morrow Twill see you again. Perhaps
by that time I shall have thought of something for
her.
Holt rose piesively.
"You are nobler than I," he said, as he turned
to go.
It seemed to Astley that his grief was but be-
ginning when he tried to explain the whole thing
to Mary.. The torture of putting it into words
was so intense that all before was nothing compa-
red with it. And when at length she compre-
hended, and asked him if he wished her to leave
him, even that agony seemed slight contrasted
with what he endured in telling her that he be-
lieved she ought to do so.
Astley was silent. He could think of noworde
of consolation that would not be a mockery to a
man that had lost such a wife as Mary.
"Died," Holt continued, after apause, "while
I was away from her. r had gone a three day's
journey, leaving her in perfect health, and re-
turned to find that she had died suddenly imme-
diately after my departure, and was already bu-
ried."
"How long ago?" asked Astley, hoarsely; a
horrible light breaking in upon him.
" Six years. I left Lima the following day. I
never visited her grave, hut returned to America
at once; and now, after these years I find your
wife so like her in every look arelfeature, that my
old wound is torn open afresh, and the intolerable
anguish has made me cry out in this way."
Astley started up and laid his hands upon his
friend's shoulder with a grasp like a vice. His
.voice was harsh and dry, and his eyes were blood.
shot and staring. _
"Holt, for God's sake, let us do nothing rash-,
ly ! - Come with me to your wife's grave and let
us lie very sure !"
Holt looked up and saw all in Astley's face.
"Speak !" he shouted; -"she is my wife! Tell
me how you met her; speak quickly, while I can
hear you, for there is the sound of a cataract in
my ears that deafens me !"
.And he fell in a swoon at Astley's feet.
He might have dieclin the swoon for all Astley
could do to relive him. He stood blindly staring
at the pale face, but Was incapable of so much as
holding out a hand to him. -
Holt came to himself before long, and, rising
up, haggard and wild rePeating his demand that
)0.
Astley should tell. ,hrii Where he ha.d met his
beautiful wife. 1
- ,
And he did tell him, sparing nothing; saying
plainly out that she had been brought to him by
the body -snatchers as a- subject; that she had
lain as dead on his table fcir a whole night, sheet-
ed and shrouded like a corpse.
"And you dared—" burst in Holt, Who was
almost beside himself.
"I saved her life," said Astley, gently!; he had
softened as he thought of that restoration. "Will
you come with m,e to the grave, that we mar be
very Certain?" .
"No, no, no," Holt moaned; the fury was
passing away, and giving way to a dull sorrow.
" I can bear no more. It is certain, more certain
than death, that your wife is mine. May God
help us?"
Which of these men was the most to be pitied ?
- There were some moments of horrible. silence,
in which each heard the beating of his heart like
a heavy drum. Holt spoke again.
"Ask Edith to come here. Surely, she cannot
have forgotten me."
" Mary—I call her Mary. It will only dis-
tress her. I give you my word of honor she has
o memory of anything before the trance."
But when he saw the passion in bit's face he
judgeal it best for his sake that she should come.
Since Ike choose to hear from her own lips what he
had refused to believe from his friend's, he should
do so. `e
She came quickly at the sound - of the loved
,
voice, and glided. into the room, looking like an
angel of peace\ between MO evil spirits. She
stopped short as\she caught sight of Astley's face
all drawn and set`ivith an -effort to suppress his
emotion. and then threw her:arms around his
neck with a cry of leV\
and terror.
e
. But he unwound her nus, and, for the first
time drew back from her mbrace.
Mary, my love, Holt eyes flashed fire at
the tender words and tones 'tell me, tell Mr.
Holt, if you remember anyiln in your life be-
fore you awoke from your tranc in this_ house ?"
"1 do not," she said ; -"1 reme ber nothing.
I have said so many times."
"Swear it !" cried Holt.
"1 swear it," she said, by my husbari , Ri h-
ard Astley." .
Poor bit! Be threw himself at her. e
clasping her knees, and crying passionately, --
"0 Edith! have you forgotten me, your hu.
band; David Holt? 0 my darling you must re-
member me,' and how happy we were for that
short two. yyears!"/
But she broke from hisgrasp and threw her-
self into Astley's arm, crying out,—
" Send hill -I -away. What does he mean? Send
him away !"
She was pale and trembling with -terror. -
"Let her go !" shouted Holt, "or by—"
The oath was interrupted by Astley.
"bit, God knows I will try to do what is
right, and for her sake I ask you to be calim"
He placed her in a chair, where she sat weep-
ing for very fright and went on,—
"You shall say all you can to bring the past
to her memory, and if she can remember you in
the faintest degree I will give up my claims to
yours. But if she does not, -0 Holt, I saved. her
lifer' i
The struggle was an awful one, and shook him
as the wind. shakes a reed.
"Yeti tell her," said Holt, bitterly ; "perhaps
she will believe what you say. At. any rate, she
will listen to it."
It was hard to begin the cruel task; yet for
her sake he undertook it, his voice trembling,
though he -tried with all his will to steady it
"Mary, love, listen. You know that you must
have lived more than twenty years before you
were brought here that night." •
"1 do not know," she said; "1 cannot remem-
ber." l.
"But it must have been so, for you were a wo-
man then."
"1 cannot understand," she repeated; " I have
no recollection of anything before."
Astley turned to Holt with a look of agony.
"You see how it is ; let us end this torture."
"Give me my wife," said Holt, fiercely.
"You will not take her," Astley cried, as the
thought of his doing so against her will struck
him for the first time.-
" She is mine," said Holt. "Go on; tell her
Loving as she was she could not comprehend a
sacrifice to duty which Astly was strivmg to take
and make her feel what her position would be if
she remained where she was. And yet this was
a case—so Astley - tried to 'persuade himself—so
extraordinary, so different from anything he had
ever seen in the world before, that no law, human
or divine could apply to it. But above all, the
thought rose dominant that by whatever raystexy
her unconsciouiness deprived of memory, she
was still bit's wife, and not his, and with this
thought piercing him like a sharp sword, he said
that he believed she ought to leave him.
She rose up, cold and proud in a moment, and
would have left him, but at the threshold her
spirit failed her, and she turned a.gain
to throw herself at his feet with tears and sobs.
Night has veiled many sights of woes, the wind
of night have many times been pierced by cries of
anguish, bitter cries for faith and patience going
up above the stars right to the seat of GOA', but
night never shrouded deeper woe than this bit-
terer cries never pierced the shuddering darkness.
When morning dawned they were both very
calm and still. Their tears were shed, and their
eyes were dry. He had decided for the right,
thoegh his heart was broken in the conflict; and
she, womanlike, had accepted the • right, not be-
cause it was so, but because he said it was so.
" shall die," she said in a voice from which
all passion had departed. "I can bear no more
and live, I can bear even this and die."
Who can describe that parting? When the sun
set it was upon Astley broken-hearted and alone.
Holt had taken away his wife.
Seven days passed, and Astley never left his de-
solate home. He made no distinction of day and
night, but lay down to sleep—if the stupor which
from time to time rendered him unconscious could
be so called—at any hour that sleep came to him.
At the close of the seventh day he tried for the
first time to look his fate boldly in the face.
"1 am not dead," he said, "therefore it is clear
that this grief will not kill me." •
That night he undressed and went to bed.
The night six years ago whenthe sheeted figure
lay upon the table, and- he dreamed fantostic
dreams of terror connected with it, came to mind
ntore distinctly than it had ever done before. His
'sleep was broken and feverish, and haunted by
wild dreams. Twice he -awoke feeling certain
that he had heard a knocking at the door, and.
twice he slept again when he found that all was
silent. But he awoke a third time at the gray
dawn and heard the sound again, a treble knock-
ing at the outer door; which ceased suddenly. He
rose, determined to ascertain the cause; he un -
\barred and opened the door, and there fell for -
Ward the dead body of Mary.
0 eis •
The Kan Who is in Love.
There is something very cruel in the contempt
with which women as0a, rule, look upon a man
who is in love. One might have thought that
compassion (Which is nearly akin to contempt,
however, with many people) would have been a
more appropriate feeling, but it cannot be denied
that a man is never less a hero with the women
of his acquaintance than when he is desperately
in love with some particular woman. If it be his
good fortune to have inspireda similar atta,clunent
theabosom of the young person who has upset
his reason, she, out of all her sex, may be inclin-
ed to see something fine and noble in his devotion;
but your ordinary woman, and above all your ex-
traordin4y woman, who has some power of sa-
tire, and Iloves to revenge the weakness of her sex
by laug g at the other—cannot help regarding
a lover a a rather silly person, who has caught a
fever which is about as ridiculous as mea.sels to a
grown-up man. In novels the case is quite other-
wise; and nothing infictien attracts the sympathy
of women so much as a perfect abandonment to a
wild and impetuous affection, with the spectacle
of a heroic loving young man conquering every
difficulty and overcoming all manner of obstacles,
for the sake of his sweetheart. But in actual
fife a man finds himself compelled to keep a strict
watch over any exhibition of affection he may be
inclined to indulge ni ; and. if he does not, the wo-
men of his acquamtance will look upon him as a
"softy," and shrug their shoulders in a highly
humorous way over his folly. .As for the modern
young lady, she conceals her affection so thorough-
ly that you would almost iniaghie she had none.
vie •
"My friend, haN'e you confidence enough in me
to lend me ten dollars ?" "1 have plenty of con-
fidence, but no ten &liars."
Stirring Event—Mixing a plum -pudding.
Maids of honor—Those who do not jilt thei
Thr
suitor.
Poor whiskey is called "fifteenth amendment"
inithe South, because its hard ta swallow.
L"Sambo, aid you ever see the catskill Moun-
tains ?" "No, Sah. ; but I've seen .= kill mice."
Why does the washing come home on Satur-
day ?—Because it's the close (clothes) of the
week.
Pride. --."What is pride, my son "Walking
with a cane when you ain't lame," replied the in-
telligent bov.
A bachelor used the following modification
of a hackeneyed phrase in congratulating a
newly married Ifriend : "1 wish you much
jawey. I
Hope is the ladder we climb. Dissapointment
the hand that shakes us down. Scorn the foot
that tramples on our fate.
The mother of a family writes to say that a
pawnbroker has no right to make advances to
young ladies.
"Were you ever in Cork, Mr, Foote ?" said an
Irishman to the comedian. "No, I never was at
Cork," replied the wits "but I have seen a great
many drawings of it." - .
Braces, says a French fashionable organ, . are
beginning to be much worn by young ladies. A
contemporary delicately inquires what species of
garment the gaid feminine suspenders are for.
A. young lady pupil in a western female col-
legeathus closes a letter to a friend: " But I
must stop, for here comas a man who parts his
hair in the middle, and wears a moustache that
pricks dreadful. "
Women' so amiable, in themselves, are never
so amiableas when useful ; and as for beauty,
though men may fall in love with girls at play,
there is nothing to make them stand to etheir
love like seeing them at work,
"Ha !" exclaimed an imaginative preacher, in
the midst of an overwrought sermon descriptive
of Heaven, "'Rethink.' I hear a whisper 1" "Sir,"
rejoined a deacon, rising in his seat close to the
pulpit, "I presume it's the boys in the gallery."
The Water-Cure.—The following hit at the
water -cure was made by Charles Lamb, and none
but himself could have made so quaint a conceit.
"It is" said he, "neither new nor wonderful,
for it is as old as the deluge, which, in my
Opinion, killed More than it cured, -
George Selwyu once affirmed that a woman
never wrote a letter without a, postscript. "My
next letter shill refute you," said lady G. He
soon after received a letter fx= her ladyship, on
which, after she had finished it, she added, "P
S. Who was right now—you or 1"
A young man in New Orleans ran away with,
and married the supposed daughter of a highly
respected lady, and came back for the lady's
blessing, which was freely givens together with
the information that the girl was not her daugh-
ter but a quadrom servant girl. •
A dipper manufacturer in North Haven, Conn.,
on February 17, bought six thousand cocoanuts
from which he saws the "eye end," extracts the
meat, w siWth he prepares for cooking, and then
converts the servicable parts of the shells into
dippers,
An empty coxcomb, after having engrossed the
attention of a,eompany for some time with him-
self and his petty alliances, observed to Dr. Parr
that he could never go out without catching cold
in his head. "No wonder," said the doctor,
pettishly, "you always go out without anything
mit."
A lady went into a dry goods store in a New
England town, and inquired for "bleached
cloth. " Several pieces of sheeting were shown
her for inspection, but did not suit. "Per-
haps,"said the lady, " if I should tell you, what
I want it for, you would know what to give me,
It is to be used for reposing robes. The man
fainted.
A New London SaMath-school teacher said to
little boy, recently : "Suppose some bad,
wicked boy should stop you on your way to
church, and ask you to go to some bad place
with him, what would you say" "Whit Would
I say," repeated the little wag. "1 would say,
Shoo, fly, don't bother me; I'm bound for Sunday
Sch°°
Amanatat Pittsburg confessed to conuniting a
murder several Years ago, was arrested and
transported several hundred miles to where the
dark deed was emitted, when it appeared
there had never been such a murder in the mem-
ory of the oldest inhabitant. The man wanted
some one to pay his car fare, so he adopted that
original plan.
A band of young men recently were about to
lynch a colored preacher, through prejudice to
the race, when he meekly remarked: "1 have
been wondering for a long time how it was that
80 good a man as the Apostle Paul should have
been permitted to preach for 20 years without
ever getting ,a lick." They were digarmed by
his meek and Christian spirit.
A Dutchman had two pigs, a large one and a
small one. The smaller one being the elder, he
was trying to explain to a custonier, and did in
this wise : "The little pig is the biggest." Upon
which his wife, assuming to correct him, said,
"You will please excuse him, he no speak as
good English as me ; he no mean the little piiis
the biggest, but the youngest pig is the oldest."
Children do not love, or at least they do not
treat their parents with the ancient piety. They
are disobedient without repentance, and disre-
spectful -without remorse, ICMdness awakens
no gratitude and self-saorifice-no sense of obli-
gation. A father whose whole life has been de-
voted to his children, who are dearer to him than
life itself, may watch in vain for some sign of
thankfulness. And so the domestic comedy—
. .
alas !is it not nearer a tragedy ?--goesou. , Mas-
ter insults papa, and Miss bullies ineanmaa
ull-
treated servantsgivewarning and are disi!friased.
Dr. Buchsel, the clergyman of a small derman
village says "A heavy countryman was *Limns-
toraed to enter the,,chur with regularity, -com-
pose himself in a eomf‘rtable seat,and zcgo to
sleep for the whole of the service. In order to
break the countryman of this ill -Mannered habit,
I gave a lad a penny to sit behind the sluntherer,
and, by continually twitching at his garments,
keep him awake. The plan for the first Sunday
answered so admirably that on the next I ordered /
a similar bribe for a. like service. The consci-/
entious lad refused the offer, saying that the man
had already given him twice that sum to allow
him a quiet rest."
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