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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-04-01, Page 1h 25, 1870. OUSE =scriber hae * PEN ED KcVe use, STOCK he:84: 11 mai a th.e YIN PRICES atire stock is Fresh from, should be 'sufficient &TOL- age. )RODUCE Csoods at Cash Prieess a d Ryan's Old }TIPP. ClAPI.".e, 1034f. tf Ryan, offering RaA INS• 1.7YERS. THE large, and IE BOLO further purchefe g staple articles Hyaon Tea, a Sugar, fined Sugar, rador }ferriage, fila, fan catch,. t . incisor Whiskey, nd Malt do selected stoek of ROCERIES to taentiou. el see for yourselvea, N and RYAIC WM. F. LUXTON, "Freedom in Trade—Liberty in Religion—Equality in Civil Rights". EDITOR .8( PUBLISHER VOL. 3, NO. 17, SEAFORTH, FRID Y,• APRIL 1870. WHOLE NO 121. BUSINESS CARDS. MEDICAL. :The TRACY, M. D., Coroner for the County Of a. Huron. Offiee and Residence—One deer East of the Methodist Episcopal Church. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868 53- ly fj L. VERC' OE M. D. Q. M ._ ., Physician, Stu . geon, ate . Office and .Itesidenee, corner of Market and High Street; immediately in rear of Kidd & McMulkin's Store, Seaforth, Feb. 4th, 1870. - 53-4y. T1R. W. R. SMITH, LJ Office,e--Opposite dence—Main-street, No Seaforth, Dec. 14, 18 Physician. Surgeon, etc. Veal's Grocery. Resi- rth. 63. 534y. T CAMPBELL, M. D. C. M., (Graduate of Mee (!) Gill Unieersity, Montreal) Physician, Sur - goon, etc., Seaforth, Offide and Residence—Old Post Office Building, up stairs, where he will be fou-nd by night or day when at home. Seaforth, July 15th, 1869. 84-1 y EGAL. Barrister and Attorney -at M0AjI .LaCw'tilEorriNcl'i. Ont. December 14th, 1869. • 53-tf- TTAYS &. ELWOOD, Barristere and Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery, Notaries Public Conveyancers, etc. Office. —Over Mr. Archibald's Store, Crabb's Block, Goderich, Ont. Money to Lend. W. TOURANCE HAYS, J. Y. ELWOOD. Seaforth, Dee, 14th, 1868 53-1y. BENSON & MEYER, Barristers and Attorney at Law, St'olieitors in Chancery and insolv- ency-, -Conveyancers, Notaries Public, etc. Of- tices,—Seaforth and Wroxeter . Agents for the Trust and Loan Co. of tipper Canada, and the Colonial Securities Co. of London, England. Money at 8 per cent, no commission, charged. TAS. IL BENSON,R.W. C. MEYER.' Seaforth, Dec. 10th. 1868. 53-ly /e AUG HEY Sr HOLMSTE A D, Barristers, .e.V1 Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Ghancery tend Insolvency, Notaries Public and Conveyanc- ers: Solicitoes for the • R C. Bank, Seaforth, Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co. 13. —$30,000 to lend at 8 per cent. Farms, Houses and. Lots for sale. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868.53 tf D F. 'WALKER, Attorney -at -Law and So- licitor in -Chancery, Conveyancer Notary Public, &c. Office of the Clerk of the Peace, Court House, Goderich, Ont. N.B.—Money to lend at 8 -per . cent on Farm Lands. 0-oderich, Jan'et. 28. 1870. 112-1y. DENTAL. G. W. HARRIS, L. D. S. Arti; ficial -Dentures inserted with all the latest improvements. The greatest ea -re taken for tie° preservation of decayed and tender teeth, Teeth extracted without pail. Rooms over Collier's Store. Seaforth. Dec. 14, 1898. s - • _ •ly. HOTELS. C_IHARP'S HOTEL, Li -very Stable, and ,Gen.fira,,, 0 Stage Office, Main -street. . R .L Sietur;Prop Seaforth, Jan. 8th, 1869. 53stf. 1 - , r4OMMERC1AL HOTEL, Ainleyville, Jame kee Laird, proprietor, affords first-class accom modation for the travelling pubiic. • The • lake i and bar are _ always supplied with the best tie markets afford. Excellent stabling isi connectio A inleyville, A pril 23, 1869. 70 •tf. T R. ROSS. Proprietor New Dominion Hotel Os. begs to inform the people of Seaforth an the travelling community generally, that hekeep first-class accommodation in every thing reqeire by travellers. A kodd 'stable and willing hostle always on hand, Regular Boarderwill rcceiv every necessary attention. Seaforth, Feb: 8th, 1869, 63-1y, ARCHITECTS. 1 ' MAILL & CROOKE, Architects, etc,. Plans -0 and Specifications drawn correctly. Carpen- ter's; Plasterer's. and Mason's work, measured and valued. Office—Over a. C. Detlor & Co.'s store, Court-Housequare'Goa:rich: • Goderiele April 23, 1869. 79-1y. LTENRY WA TKINSON, Architect and 13uilci- 111 Plans, Specifications and Details drawn correctly. Every description of Building Werke measured and valued. Bills of quantities pre- - pared. OF/ell:R.-7N ext door North of Mr. Hick - son's old store, .Seaforth. Seaforth, June 9th, 1869. 9-tf SURVEYORS. &W.Mc PHILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur- veyors, Civ1 Eneineers, etc. All manner of Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatch. •G. McPhillips, Commissioner in B.- R. Office— NeXt door south of Sharp's Hotel Seaforthe Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. 53- ly . AUCTIONEER. B• HAZLEITURST, Licensed Auctioneer fo . the County of Huron. Goderich, Out Particular attention paid to the sale bf Bankrupt - Stock Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed, Landlord's Wa-rrants Executed. Also, Bailiff First Division Court for Huron. Goderich, June 9th, 1869. 76. tf, THE SCOTSMAN'S LAMENT. 'Tie morn! the Sun's first beamiug rays, - Vpon Ben Lomond's crest is seen; And Nature wears her loveliest garb, - In Scotland's woods and valleys green. , The heather blooms upon the hill, The lilly blossoms in the vale The lark and laverock sweetly sing: Their songs are heard o'er hill and dale. But I am sad—my eyes are dim; The blinding tears I cannot stay, For I must leave my native land, . To gaze on scenes far far away. . -Oh Scotland ! I would never leave Thy shore, to toil for wealth abroad, But Fortune, fickle godess, has Not touched me with her golden rod. Again ! it-tee:morn, but ah the change, , FromSt taland's well rememberascene : miss Ben Lomond's snow capped crest, I miss her woods and valleys green, I miss the heathers purple bloom - 1 miss the lilly's blossoms fair -- 1 miss the lark's and laverock's songs, That ring upon the morning air. For out in California's Wilds -- Far from old Scotia's sea girt shore, kpass my lonely days away, Win searching for the golden ore. But.peace, my heart has never known, .Since I have crossed the stormy main, And I -will never be content . Till Scotland's hillsirve seen again. Seaforth, April 1st, 1870. R. J. WHO WROTE ROBINSON CRUSOE? -„,-- • DANIEL -DEFOE, of course,'the title -page says so, and ought to be believed. True; but it is never- theless a curious fact that some persons have be- lieved otherwise. There was no author origin- ally named on the title -page, when the work first made its appearance a century and a half' ago, save the far-famed. Crusoe himself ; an h- eubject. It is, -however, satisfactory t know leert er circumstances led to division of opinionfn the that the evidence in support of the popular opin- ion is far stronger than that in the opposite dire tion. We say ' satisfactory ;' seeingthat it i not pleasant to have one's favouriteidols knocke down '(as Dick Whittington's cat has reeentl been), unless for the very strongest reasons The. connection .between the names of Alexande Selkirk, Robin:An Crusoe, and Daniel -Defoe is s remarkable that something must be known abou the first before the relation between the secon and the third can be understood ; for the tria consists of a myth between the two realities.' Alexander Selkirk, a Fifeshire man bred up t the sea, started off about the beginning of the las century on a voyege to America, half commercia and half piratical, in a way much in fashion i those days. Captain Straining, - commander o the ship, having taken some offence at Selkirk put him on shore on the uninhabited island o Juan Fernandez, with one day'sfood, a sea -chest, clothes, bedding, a little tobacco,a few books and nautical instruments, some powde and ball, a gun, kife, axe, and a kettle or boiler Thus was the lonely Scott, on a ,September day izi 1704, left to shift for himself, On an island abou eighteen miles long by six broad, and at least fou hundred miles dista.nt from the nearest mainland, (the Pacific *coast of South America). When he recovered from the first feeling of dismay and despendency, he set to work and built two huts of pimento wood, oneDas a dining and bed room, the other as a kitchen ; he roofed them with long grass, 8rid by clegreesgave them a werm lining of goat skins. Strips oft -the Baum kind of *c;od sup- plied him with fire and light, burning very clear, and miffing an agreeable fragrant odour. His chief food was boiled goats' .flesh and crawfish,. seasoned with pimento fruit, but sadly in need of a little salt; of which he had none save the braCk- ish bitter salt of seawater: . 'When his clothes werel worn out he made goat -skin garments, using a nail for a needle and narrow strips of bark or ekin as thread. As for shoes, he soon learned to do without them_ altogether. Many cats and goat were found on this island ;the former help- ed to scare away the rats, which at first were very troublesome; while the goats seeved him as play- felloWs and as a supply of food.' While his am- munition lasted he shot down the goats ; when it was exhausted- he caught them by, running ; and so expert did he become that he could run clbwn any of them. Onee he 'fell over a precipice while thus engaged, and only escaped destruction by falling on the animal on the beach below. Dur- ing his stay on the island he appropriated five -hundred goats to food and clothing, and set free another five hundred. after marking them en Ithe cars. Thirty years -afte-rwarcls, when Anson's. crew landed on the island thefirst goat they shot • was one of them which Selkirk had thus !nark- ed. When his knife was worn out he forged oth- ers from old iron hoops. Thus did -this lonely Mall pa,ss four years and four months ; when, in Feb- ruary 1709, he was rescued by a V ess61 command- ed by Captain Woodes Rodgers. eAlthough he had some din -lenity in returning to the use of speech, and in -reoonciling himself to the ship's provisions and usages', he gradually became fitted to act as mate t� the fillip, in which he came to England in 1711. Such was the true story of Alexander Selkirk, in which, it will be seen, there were no Indians and no man Fride:e Tb e -tory became incorpo- rated in an account of Rodgerle Voyage. . Sir Richard Steele drew public attention to the mat- ter in No. 26 of the 'Englishman' (Dec. 1st 17131. He said : '1 had the pleasure frequently to con- verse with the man soon after his arrival in -Eng- , land in the year 1711. It was a matter of great curiosity to hear him, as he is a man of good sense, give an account,' &c., &c. After presenting the outline of the narrative, Steele adds' : Even if I had not been led. into his character and story, I could have discovered that he had been much se- parated from company, by his aspect and gesture: there wes a strong but cheerful seriousness in his manner, and a certain disregard to the ordinary thing about him, as if he had been- sunk in thought' Another forra in which the account appeared was under the title of 'Providence Dis- played ; or, a surprising account of Mr. Alex- ander Selkirk, Master of a Merchantman called the Cinque Ports,' &c. In 1711, then, Selkirk came to England; in 1712 and 1713 accounts of his adventures were published. And now we coine to the second name 'teethe before -mentioned traid. In the spring of 1719 a new book appeared with a very long title, -- The Life and Strange Surprising Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, of York, Mariner, who lived Eight and Twenty Years all alone on an uninhab- ited Island on the coast of America, near the mouth of the great river Oroonoque ; having been cast on shore by shipwreck, when all the men perished but himself. With an account how he was at last strangely delivered by Priates. Written by Himself, The wort created a pro- digious sensation; four editions were sold in four months, The preface was written as if an editor had simply arranged a narrative prepared by Ro- binson Crusoe himself. ln the antunin of the same year appeared a Sequel with the title, 'The Eurther Adventures of Robineon Crusbe : Being a Second and Last Part of his Life, and of the Strange Surprising account of his travels round other parts of the Globe. Written by himself. To which is added a Map of the World, in which is delineated the voyages of Robinson Crusoe.' Incited evidently by the profitable and continuous sale, those concerned in the matter published in 1720 another Sequel, 'Serious Reflections dur- ing the Life of Robinson Crusoe, with his Vision of the Angelic World.' But this was a failure ; the public, enamoured of his adventures, cared little for his !Reflections.' The wonderful success of Robinson Crusoe (the ficst part of which is to the Robinson Crusoe of scores of editions) was mainly due to a belief in its thorough truthfullness. Its probabilities and improbabilities_ were alike so masterly irendered 'is to stamp -upon it an impress of verity. The public did not at first identify the book in any way with Daniel Defoe ; but this was speedily done by other literary men of the day; one of whom, Charles Gildes, _published in the autumn of 1719 'The Life and Strange Surprising Adven- tures of Mr. D. de F., of London who lived about Fifty Years by himself in the Kingdom of North and South Britain. The various shapes he has appear'd in, -and the Discoveries he has made for the benefit of the Country. In a dialogue between him and hie Man Friday. With remarks serious and comical upon the Life of Crusoe.' It was a poor affair, just sufficient to show that Defoe was believed to be the real Crugoe, and to point him out as a target for his many enemies (Defoe was always in hot water as a pamphleteer mid politi- cal writer) to shoot at. A question arose 80011 afterwards, and has been raised many times since, whether Defoe really ow- ed anything to Selkirk's story ; and if any, how much? What arrangement he made with his C- p.1 8 t}lr13118her is not known, but both of them evident - wished the story of Robinson-Crusoe to be tak- d en as Mainly (if not wholly)true. No sooner had the Y first volume (the Crusoe) appeared than numerous a- bridgments were unfairly published. In the pre - ✓ face to the second volume Defoe complained of O this saying, The injury these men db to the pro - t prietor of this work is a practice all hoest men d abhor ;....and he believes he May challenge them to d show the difference between that and robbery, on the higEway, or breaking open a house." He O pointed out that the aliridgnient had been mainly t effected by leaving out the moral reflections, and 1 added : By this way they leave the work naked n of its brightest ornaments. And if they would at f the same time, pretend that the author had sup- plied the story out of his invention, they take from it the imtirovement which alone recommende - that invention to wise and.good men.' . That the author or the editor of Robinson, ✓ Crusoe' was Daniel Defoe, soon became generally • admitted ; but throughout the last century the other question above adverted to was much dis- t cussed. By some the work was ascribed to Ar - ✓ buthnot, by others to- Harley, Earl of Oxford. There is a memorandum in the handwriting, -of Thomas Warton, the pdet laurate (in the British Museum), Which, under date Jttly 10th, 1774, runs as:follows :'in the -year 1759 I was told by the .Rev. Benjamin Holloway, Rector of Middle- ton Stony, in Oxfordshire, then about seventy years of age, and in the early part of his life do- mestic chaplain to Lord Sunderland, that he had often heard Lord Sunderland say, that Lord Ox- ford, while prisoner in the Tower 'of London, wrote the first volume of the " History of Robin- son crime,' merely as an amusement under con- finement, and gave it to Daniel Defoe, who fre- quently visited Lord Oxford in the Tower, and one of his pamphlet writers. That Defoe, by Lord Oxford's permission, printed it as his own, and, encouraged by his extraordinary success,. added himself the second volume; the inferiority of which is generally acknowledged. Mr. Iloilo - way also told me from Lord Sunderland, that. Lord Oxford dictated some parts of the menu - script to Defoe. Mr. Holloway was a grave, con- scientious, clergyman,- not vain of telling anec- dotes, very learned, Particularly a good -oriental- ist, author of some theological works, bred at Eton School, and a Master of Arts at St. John's' College, Canibridge. He used to say that "Rob- inson Crusoe," at his first publication, and for sometime afterwards, Wna,8 universally received and credited as a genuine history. A fictitious narrative of this sort was then a new thing.' This kind of testimony, it will be seen, is not very re- liable ; for Warton, who wrote the memorandum, heard the story from. Mr. Holloway, who heard it from Lord Sunder• lahd ; t ut Lord_ Sunderland, from whom did he hear ib? Another form of ac- cusation was that Defoe derived the story, not from the Ent of Oxford, but from. Alexander Sel- kirk: The public curiosity respecting him -being excited, he was induced to put his papers into the hands of Defoe, toarrange and form them into a regular narrative. The papers must have been drawn up efter he left Juan Fernandez, as he 'had no mons of recording his transactions there. From this account of Selkirk, Defoe toile the idea of writing a more extensive,work, "The Romance ce' Eobinson Crusoe," and very dishonestly de- frauded the original proprietor of his share,' There were other forms which the accusation as- sumed, but these were the principal. - The refutation has been tolerably complete. It has be'enShown that the relations between Harvey and Defoe at the time were such as to render the former little likely to place himself in the power of the latter; that there is nothing in Harvey's style to denote a power of imitating the remarkable style in which Robinson Crusoe' is written; and that the first and second parts of the celebrated work are evidently from the same pen'however far the second may be from equal- ing the first in interest. And as to Defoe having stelen the ideas bf Selkirk, the theory will not stand the test of scrutiny. Except that a man was left on a'desolete island. te shift for himself,' the romance and the reality have been little in common. Isaac Disraeli, in his'eharming osities of Literature,' said. i No one has, or per- haps could have converted the history of Selkirk into the wOnderful story which we possess but Defoe himself.' Sir Walter Scott said; Really the story_ of Selkirk, which had been published a few years before, appears to have furnished our author with . so little beyond the bare idea of a man living on an uninhabited island, that it seems quite immaterial Whether he took the hint from that or any other similar stoies.' The -late Arch- bishop Whately wrote a remarkable essay to prove that Defoe could not have taken Alexander Sel- kirk as a model. The story was meant to be re- ceived as true; and the Aeichbishop notices the rare skill with which this has been accomplished • One part of the act by which Defoe gives hie tale an, air of reality consists in his frequently reeord- ing minute particulars and trifling occerrences which led to no result, and therefore are jUSt such as you wouid be likely to find in a real diary and which most writers of fiction would omit, be- cause there seems no reason at all for mentioning them except that they really took place. Anoth- er apparent indication is, that such improbabili- ties as there are he precisely in the opposite quarter from that in which we should expect to find them.' He gives instances to illustrate his meaning, too long to be quoted here, but quite sufficient to support the statement that Defoe wished his 'Robinson Crusoe' to be regarded as an independent an veeitible history—with what mar- vellous success, we can all bear witness. The Rev Mr. Lee, in his recently -published-'' Life and Newly -Discovered Writings of Daniel Defoe,' gives a prodigious list of more than two hundred and fifty works which may fairly be attributed to his pen, and among them there is amply suffici- ent to show Defoe's Matchless skill as a story:: teller. Mr. Lee points out that the 'S'erious Re- flections,' forming the third volume or series,. however inferior to the other two (especially the first) in interest, bear internal Marks of Defee's tone of thought on such matters, • We may, thene safely settle down into the be- lief that our dearly -beloved book was writtenenot by Arbuthnot, nee the Earl of Oxford, nor by:Sel- kirk, but by Daniel Defoe; that the idea was merely suggested to him by the known and brief narrative of Selkirk's•life ; and that the story ie so wonderfully kept up, that, if not true, it ought, to have been. Let us not be surprised that sever- al places lay claim to the honour of having been that at which Defoe wrote his book. Halifax puts in a plea; so does Gateshead; so does Hart- le-, in Kent; so does Harrow .Alley, Whitechapel; but the probabilities are in favor of Defoe'e honee at Stoke Newington. - . We have already spoken of the trusty belief en- tertained by most readers in Defoe's time in the truthfullness of this over -fresh story. So it -has been, in a great measure, throughout the whole period of exactly a century and a half whichehas elapsed since the book was. published; and so it is to this day, among a mueli larger number of persons than we are apt to suppose. So vivid is the impreseton produced by the facts and the language of the narrative, that a sentiment of truthfullness seems to pervade it. Many a regret has been felt, perhaps many A tear shed, when the information has been ieceived that 'Robinson Crusoe is not true.' 'Nay, instances have been known of persona believing that the veritable Crusoe staid before them, in his own proper cor- poreal person. One such anecdote was told of Madame de Talleyrand, wife of the great diplo- mist—a lady said to have been More remarkable for beauty than for sense. Many versions of the story have been given. One, in Thomas Moorels Journal' is to the following effect ;: 'One day her• husband havingitold her that Tenon (the great• explorer of Egyptian antiquities) was coming to dinner, bid her; read a bit of his hook on Egypt, just published, in order that she might be able -,to say something to him upon it; adding that he would haeT the volume for her on the study table. He forgot. this, however, and madarne, on going into the study, found 8, volume of "Robinson Cru- se& on the table, which having *read rely atten- tively, she was not long in opening Upon Denon at dinner, about the desert island, hie manner living, &c., to the great astonishment of poi:1r Denon, who could not make head or tale of what she meant, At lmt upon her saying, " Et puis,ce, cher Vendredi ?) lie perceived that she took him for no less a person than Robinson Crusoe.' The allusion to 'that dear Friday' mint have beenale-: licious. it .has been recently stated, on.appare• ently good authority, that the dinner * gees, - tion took place at Paris in 1806. Miss Dicken- SQ11, daughter of the celebrated mezzotint° en- graver, was dame dz compagnie to ihadaitie kt the s time. In her version of. the story, Talleyranildid. not promise to place Denon's book, on the study - table, but told madame to go and procure the book at a library or book -seller's. The lady -for- got the title, but. thought she scauld not be far wrong in asking for 'the celebrated book of t9e vels.' The worthy bibliopole deeniecl it prbbibie that she meant Robinson Crusoe,' and gave her that book accordingly—with the result- notieed; above. I - • • • But, unless one story has Ilseen .built upous an- other, or two stories on the- same incident, it is very remarkable that something similar was said to have occurred in Paris far baek in th61a.er century. In Horace Walpole's letter • to a Sir Horace Mann, under date October 22nd, •1741, mention is made of one Sir Thomas Robinson, ef Rokeby Park, who was sometimes called Long Sir Thomas,' on account of his lofty stature; ahd soreetimes 'New Robinson Crusoe.' Tire note it is remarked: 'Ile was a tall, uncouth man,. an* his stature was often rendered stillsniore remark- able by his hunting dresss-a-postillioterfl Cap, a light green jacket, 'and buckskin breeches. Hes was liable to Sudden whims. Once he set off on a sudden in his hunting suit to visit his side; who was married and settled at Paris. Hc. arrived while there was a large company at dinner. The servant announced M. Robinson. ; and he caiite in to the great amazement of the guests. Arnong • others a French Abbe thrice lifted his fork to his mouth and thrice laid it down with an eager stare of surprise. Unable to restrain his curiosity any e longer, he burst Mit with-- " Excuse me, sir ;' are t you the famous Robinson Crusoe, so remarkable in history?"' There are other stories about more or less similar, one connected with the name of Sir George Robinson. who lived many years ,after the Sir Thomas here mentioned. • So -lasting is the name of Robinson Czeisoil; that certain relics are aseigned Inset down to tithe redoubtable.hero because they really belonged to Alexander Selkirk. Edinburgh has recently ac- quired two such relics. It appeais that iv -halter kirk was on his island at Juan Fernandez helnicT a chest which was very useful in his seantylietie ture. He .brought this :0L. with. hien, when , Captain Woodes ROdiers conveyed him back toil Scotland. Ili was used by Selkirk at Largs fo'? contain his clothes ; artl after lie left that -place jI it remained for a long period in th6 poseesAon' of his relatives. Some years ago it was sold to a f gentleman in lestidoli. Recently, an opportunity 1 having occurred for securing it for Scotland, Sir David Baxter purchased it, and presented it to the Society of Antiquaries of Seotland. The chest i 3 made of mahogany or some similar wood, and has the initials of Alexander Selkirk rudely cut in it. Another article presented at the same time to the same museum, is a cup, carved_ out of a cocoa -nut by Selkirk while on the island. Three more (so-called) Robieson Crusoe relies are care- fully preserved in Scotland, viz.: Selkirk's musk- et, his brown ware can, and his walking -stick. VARIETIES. A Quack -Dish ---Roast duck. A High ay—The milky way. Unredeemablo Bonds—Vagabonds. A Race of Sculptors—The Chip-aways. Ground Rents --The effect Of an earthquake. Serpents on the Hearth—Els on a gridiron. The First Board of Education—The black- board. A Dead Reckoning—Calculating one's funeral expenses. The monogram that makes the most matn- monial matches is £. Every Cardinal is now in Rome except theCar- clinal—virtues. The sort of arithmetic the Government under- stand—Reduction. 1 When is a•nutmeg like a pison window ?— When it is grated. Waiter's Epitaph ----He couldn't wait any longer —so he went. A Ray that always Lights up a -Woman's Des- pair--Raienent. • 13y our Sage.—The oldest deaf and dnmb asy- lum in the world is the grave. -No miller need ever be out of employment, for he can always grind his teeth. The sweetest Sleek is 'that which has never bluthed. .;What is it ? Pigs? Cultivate it. • Good nature is aglow -worm that sheds light even in thedarkest place. With all Reverence—A parson's clerkought to be well versed in the Amen-ities of life.! The man whose head was fairly turned gay8 it feels very uncomfortable in that position. What's the difference between a gaoler and la jeweller' One watches cells and the other sells watches. If you should meet With a Melancholy pig, what' animal's- name might preperly be applied to him? Pork you pine (porcupine). On a child being told that he must be broken off abed habit, he naively replied "Pa, had I not better be mended ?" You should never take the _word of a. late riser. The manmuet, indeed, be a dreadful liar who ties -a -bed. e Shameful --Why should a donkey be a bad debtor '—Because he is more likely, to pay in kicks than half -pence. Rerniniscence.---The old gentleman whose me- mory carried him a long way back, is requested to return to his discoasolate friends. Advice.—The fact that nobody ever takes it, don't deter some people froin giving advice, it's a piece of generosity -of which they never tire. Giving and Receivinge---The saying that there is more pleasure in giving then receie-ing is sup- poaed'to apply to kicks, medicine and ad-viCe. From Newgate market the butcher who on hearing that the price of meat WaS going down, became chop -fallen, is progressing fa.vc,rably. 1° Dawn Hill.—A queer humurost who has had. a -... hard,time of it says, "When a man begins to go down 'hill he finds everything greased for the oc- cession. In'spiring.—It is maintained that the" most in- . spiring natural sight whieli a glazier can contem- plate is the gleam of early day breaking through th;111‘iu vert"iswesni*ent.—Wanted a tall policeman, to be the comfort of an outlying and unprotected district. Cooks plentiful—food abundant -- drinks gratis, ! • assertion so frequently made, that it is impossibleto arrest the. flight of time, ia altogeth- er erroneous, for who is there that caneot stop a a minute ? • According to, the Paris papers, the funeral of - the late Victor 'Noir was of the plainest possible character. It did not go off, however, without einute (a mute) at any rate. "Mother said a little urchin, I'm going out to ,play—w ere 8 my comforter?" " Your sister took it out with her, Tommy." " What did: she do that for?" growled Tommy. "Don't My dear; she had'nt get anything else to put' in her chig- - mole." - As a.lawyer and a doctor were walking arm in _arm, a wag said to a friend., "These -two are just (equal. to one highwayman. "Why ?" was the response. " Because it is a lawyer aed a doctor, your money or your life." ••" ao away, says IVIuggins, " you can't stuff such nonsense in Inc. • Six feet in his boots !— ;Belt ! no . man as lives stands; more nor two feet hiteleoots and no use talking about it. Might as well telime the man had six heads in his hat." No Harm Donee—At a faehionable restaurant lately. a waiter spilled some 8011p 011 a gentle- man's coat. • "You awkard. booby," said the gentleman. "Don't he afraid, sir," returned the waiter; "our soup never leaves a stain."—No wonder—it was so weak. bumptious young fellow was boasting one vening at a well known club of his philosophical endencies, and wound up a long string of self- -congratulations by the remark that he was a sort of Plato. "It must be electro -plate -oh," remark- ed Howard Paul, who was one of the group of listeners. Was it fair that the 'bus should cross the road to pick three faldid.al bits of girls, when a re- spectable married woman, of Christian principles tweighiag over seventeen stone) had bailed it ever so long before them. "Never mind, mum, saArthe ruffiaui on the box, "there's a heavy .goted.e-tva.ggon. a eornin' on behind!" - Sax•os onenald half a dozen of the other.-- - .41thoBelfast Police Court, the other day, a man was fined. forty shillings and costs for being drunk 'and cursing the Pope, and a woman was mulct a knitter Way for beink drunk and blessing his foliness. Here is an instance of impartiality rom which the Pontiff might take a le88021. In lib ease the cursing is all 011 one side. •