Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-03-25, Page 1I E W TIABLISHMENT _ n• • _ E IZSON .1. residents of Seaforth, and deett 0-senhee tkUt 1itew T.stablishment SHOP' ADJOINING HARDWARE sToRE. ,area to take -Orders, for blikkiqFACTURINC; about the Warch next, Lue stock of all kinds a goods hia Ruse SOLI.OITEDI DN GUARANTEED' at, 1870. 115-tf. - !WORTH • • I WAREROOMS. . DIER1SO1-[ ufactaror of all kinds]: of LD FURAUTU11;;IE 'ENTISE TABLES, MATTRASSES. XFAST TABLES,, S and " ISEDSTEADS, In Great Verity, eonlcienee fn offering hie as they are made of Good and by First -Class Work - ADE TO ORDER. 8hortest Notice, ) TURNING and Deapateh- eroonas : "UM SHARP'S= iwrEL, in Street at, Ina. 57-tf. I3LE that the Lockman Ma - the Latest but also the best e LtEk that the Lockman Ma - not much exceeding in price nachine manufactured an -- ›arably Superior to any ch p out. BLE that the Lockman Ma - coed 4u immense popularity has }Jen before the people 1- 's - Eli 3, t theLockman Ma- e -allies la position only aeord- NrS of toilsome effort, 3LE that the Locknia,n Ma-+ ere force of its inherit good become the universal favor- oblic. KLF that eery family; 'eith - town or city, should have a, ad it is equally undeniable adapted, for univer.5aI use aa 1 Father within the bounds land, importune their re - her Father. until the hich ifs sure to follow the on of the Sewing Machine) LSON. ROWMAN & 00. 111-tf. Read This ! eta a, salary of $30 per week or allow a large commissions erful inventions. NER & Co. , Marshall, Mich. P- • ' FT • 1.4 hii tri 11 - 4 ',IPA.. F. LUXTON, "Freedom in Trade --Liberty in Religion --Equality in Civil Rights". EDITOR & PUBLISHER - VOL. 3, NO. 15, $ SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, MA\ itCH 1-g, 1870. WHOLE NO. BUSINESS CARDS. M EDICAL. RTRACY, M. D. Coroner for the County of . Huron: Office and Residence—On door East of the Methodiat Episcopal Church.. Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868 53- 1 y sfir L. VERCOE, M. D. C. , Physician, Sur- geon, etc., Office and Residence, corner elf Market and High Street, immediately ie rear ef Kidd & hicMulkin'a Store. . Seaforth, Feb, 4th. 1870. 53-1y. IYW. R. SMITH, Office,—Opposite dence—Itlain-street, No Seaforth, Dec. 14, 18 Physician, Surgeon, etc. Veal's Grocery7 Resi- rth. 63. 3-1y. JCAMPBELL, NI, D. Q. M., (Graduate • f Me- . Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur- geon, etc, , Seaforth, Office and -Residence—Old Post Office Building, up stairs, where he will be found by night or day when at home. Seaforth, July 15th, 1869. 84-1y LEGAL. C. CAMERON'„ Barrister and Attorney -at Law, Gc•derich. Ont. December 14th, -1869. 53-tf- II-AyS & ELWOOD, Barristers and Atto 0esn . at Law, Solicitors in Chancery,. No ariei Public Conveyancers, etc. Office. —Over Mr, Archibald's Store, Crabb's Block; Goilerich Orit, :Money to Lend , W. TOP.RA.NCE HAYS, J. Y. ELWO ID. Seaforth, Dec, 146, 1868 53.4 y.. JUIPIDENSON & N1EYER, Barristers end Att Srnes at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and I ency, Conveyancers' Notaries Public, etc: fices,—Seaforth andWroxeter. Agents 'fo Trust and Loan Co. of Upper Canada,- an Colonial Securities Co. of London, Eng Money at 8 per cent, no commlision, charg , • JAS. II, BENSON, H. WC. MEY ,., Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-ly solv- Pf- the . the and. d. ' R. and ore. Agents N. Houses Seaforth, se AUG HEY & HOLMSTEA D, Banisters, Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery losolvency, Notaries Public and Conve Soho . rs for the R C. Bank, Setif for • e Canada Life Assurance B. —$30, to i to lend at 8 per cent. . Fa and Lotfor sale. Dec. : th, 1868. '53- enc- rth, Co. M8, f. . PF. WALKER, Attorney -at -Law and licitor in -Chance ; Conveyancer No Public, &c. Office Of he Clerk of the Peace, Court House, Goderich, 8 t. N.B.—Money to lend at : per cent on Ilarm Lands. Goderich, Jan'y. 28. 1870. 112-1. So- ary DENTAL. „----,, G. W. HARRIS, L. D. ' Arii- 414. ficial Dentures inserted with all! "seals latest improvements. The gr • atest care taken for tne preservat' n of decayed tender teeth. Teeth extrated without pa Rooms over Collier's Store. Seafotth. Dec. ,14, 1,898. _ the - 14d n. ly. - HOTELS. , SHARP'S HOTEL, Livery Stable, and Genera Stage Office, MainstreetR .L SHARP, Preis . Seaforth, Jan. 8th, 1869. . 53:tfl. COMMERC1AL HOTEL, Ainleyville, Laird, proprietor, affords tirst-clase 3nodation for the travelling publie. The and bar are always supplied with the markets afford. , Excellent stablingin -co A inleyville; April 23, 1869. Jarkes ace siln larder beat nect 70-tf - the on JR. ROSS, Proprietor New Dominion Hotel, . begs to inform the people of Seaforth and the travelling community generally, that he keeps first-class accommodation in every thing required by travellers... A good stable and willing hostler always on hand, Regular Boarders Will rece every necessary attention. ' ' • geaforth, Feb: 8th, 1869. . 63-11y. ve ARCH ITECTS.. 0 MAIL L & CROOKE, Architects, etc. Pla 8 .0 and specifications drawn -correctly. Carpen.. ter's; Plasterer's, and Mason' e work, measur d and valued. Office—Over 3. C. Detler & Co.'s store, Court -House Square, Goderich• Goderich, April 23, 1869. 79-1 . T_TENRYWATKINSON, Architect and Buil - 1 1_ er. , Plans, Specifications ani Details dra correctly. 'Every description of Building Work* measured and valued. Bills of -quantities pre. pared. OFFICE. —Next door North of Mr. Mei:. ' son's old store, Seaforth. - Seaforth, June 9th, 1869. '79 - tf . SIJ RVEYORS. Gv& Iv. MePHILLIPS, Provinbial Land Sur- . eyors, Civil Enssineers, etc. All mann es of Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatc G. McPhillips, Commissioner in B. IL Office. - Next door south of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth. Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. 53-1 . -AUCTIONEER. BHAZLEHURST,s Licensed Auctioneer io • . the County of Huron. Goderich, Ont Particular attention paid to the sale of Bankrupt : Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal 1 Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed, 1 Landlord's Warrants Executed. _Also. Bailiff , -. trst Divjjon Court for Huron. Goderieb, Jitne 9th, 1869. 76. tt "THE MAPLE." BY MR. DARNELL. . "All hail• to the broad leafed maple With its fair and cbangefull dress— A type of our youthful country, In its pride and loveliness: Whether in the Spring or Suminer, . Or in the dreary Fall, • 'Mid Nature's forest children, - She's fairest of them all. Down sunray slopes and valleys Her graceful form is seen, Her wide umbrageous branchese. • The sun -burnt reaper screen. 'Mid dark-browed firs and cedars Her livelier colors shine, Like the dawn of a brighter future On the settler's hut of pine. She crowns the pleasant hill -top, Whispers on. breezy dosvris. And casts refreshing shadows, O'er the streets of our busy tOwas ; She gladdens the aching eye -ball, - Shelters the weary head, • And scatters her crimson glories, , On, the graves of the silent dead. 4 When the Winter forests are yielding TO the sun's returning sway, And merry groups are speeding To sugar -woods away, " The sweet and welling juices, • Which from their welcome spoil, Tell of the teeming plenty Which here waits harvest toil. Whensweet voiced Spring, soft breathing; 13rakes Nature's icy sleep, And the forest boughs are swaying, Like the green. waves of ihe deep; In her fair and budding beauty. A fitting embhm she, Of this our land of promise, Of hope, of liberty. And when her leaves'all crimson, • Drop silently and fall, Like drops of life blood welling, From a warrior brave and tall, They tell how fast and freely, • Would her children's blood be shed Ere the soil of our faith and freedom Should echo a foeman's tread. THE MIDNIGHT SEARCH. CONCLUDED. "We are descended," he said, "from a learned family, who were servants of the great mosque. When Ali A dil Shad built it, he aisigned estates and revenues for its support; and, among others, we received lands which we still .hold—at least ',some of them, fse• the Mahrattas took the rest, and we are pooris as you see. My brother was far more learned than I. I was never studious, but wild and unmanageable, and for many years I was a soldier, and fought in the Deccan wars, but I came back to my patrimony; and my broth- er welcomed me, and gave me my share. My wife died, and. we have lived together since. I have said he was learned. He was—he is still— a good Arabic and Persian scholar; and he pass- ed his time in reading the books in the King'a library, which is in the Asar Mahal yonder. Latterly—that is, for more than a year before what happened—he was more than ever absorbed in them. I saw he Was growing thin and pale, and had no care for our little worldly affairs, and' he neglected them so that we became poorer and poorer. He had mortgaged some of the lands to a greedy money lenderof the village where our estate was, and we had little left even for our i'daily food. His Wife was miserable, yet dare not remonstrate ; and often have I begged a few cakes frrn our kind neighbors to fee • his child when sh came Crying piteously, saying she was hungry. e had but one child. ----a daughter, air and so be utiful. I cannot tell you of her beauty, it w that of the heaven and the houris —net of earth. Perichera we used to call her— fairy face ; and e was as loving as beautiful.— Alas alas !" "Then it was ab&it her ?" I interrupted. "Do not speak of er, my lord, else I shall never be able to tell ydii all," continued the old man, laying his hand gently on my arm. "Let me proceed. Ah, yes, those books! • Well, my brother _read and read. One day he iaid to me, "Shekhjee, do you believe in my learning ?" I said, fiercely, "Curse on it' it is making us poor and wretched; I would I could burn the accursed books !" He laughed. "Thou art talking like Ameena" (that was his wife); "she, too, says, 'Curse the books!' But that is sinful, my broth- er; they contain the mysteries of the genii; they are holy and true, and will make us rich. Ay, yes, rich-! Even now I am beginning to Compre- hend the mysteries they have disclosed to me; till I have mastered them wait patiently, thou shalt share their reward." 1 was awed, and be- came silent. The mysteries of the spirits ! I had heard of them dimly, and longed to recall my curse, which they, perhaps, had heard. god help me ! I would have recalled it, but it had passed my lips, and I said no more. I could not divert my brother from his course; be had taken it up for good or for evil, and whatever was in las fate must be accomplished. As I thought the more, I remembered how I had heard that those •who tampered with such mysteries, if not rightly directed, might become mad, or bring down de- struction upon themselves and others : and these thoughts haunted me day and night. I dared not mention them to Ameena ; I dared not be- tray my brother's secret to others ; I could only wait and see the issue, "l'had not to wait long; my brother's mood was changed. He seemed to rise in spirits as I declined. His eyes grew bright and full of fire, s very step expressed secret exultation ; he re- used to speak, and was wrapt in meditation. He oticed none of .us, and even his child was re- ulsed. 'She is impure' he said; 'lether not touch me, or I shall die.' What could we do but wait? 'They are coming to -night,' he said to me one day afterwards, with a: fevered anxious look • 'to -night ! See that food be ready for them. pilau,; made with milk, must be readyby .night,' "I had nothing but a poor silver bangle which wore on jny arm. I went and pledged it, and brought the flesh of a kid and some -rice and milk o'Ameena, and. told her what to do. She was verjoyed,sand said, He has fasted now three days and Will eat;' and she cooked the dish as he 11;d. directed. Aa evening fell, my brother said to me, 'We must leave the house alone; they are my guests fc-night, and such as we are dare not look at them : let a cloth be set out, and the food.' So it was done. Where he went I knOw not; Ameena and I, with the child, went to the great Mosque and'stayed there. • I could not sleep, and was wandering about all night in the dim gloom of the vast aisle and arches; but I did not fear, for it was the house of God. In the morning I went home. I found my brother lying at the threshold of the house, as if he were asleep, arid I feared he was dead ; but when I touched him he rose up; and his face was full of • light and joy. " ' They have come and eaten the food,' he cried. '0 brother, embrace me ; the trial -is past uow, they have been rr y guests, aud I am accept- ed -; now we shall be rich, rich, rich ! Come and see.' I entered, with awe at my heart, our old chamber, the place where we usually sat. I saw where the food had been placed, the dishes were now empty. Was this real, or was it a device of the Evil One ? My brother went to a closet, and took forth some perfume which it was' a part of our occupation to make. 'Bring fire,' he said ; and when he had set down the platter full of live charcoal I had brought from a neighbor, be placed some fire on the dish that had held the food, and - threw upon it a handful of the powder. I dare notuame them, for they would de.stroy me; but,as the smoke rose to the roof, he _ called upon the spirits by name with a loud voice. 'Look, look!' he cried '• 'they have come, they are here; bow down before them !' Sir, I remember no more ; I fell on my face, and, as I believe, fainted from fear. I, a soldier, had braved death in many a form ; yet T was, a coward then, and fainted— yes, from fear. "When I arose, he was gone. I looked all day for him, and in the evening he came home. Tak- ing me aside, he said, in -a whisper, They have told me where it is, and I may take it ; get read/. a pickaxe and shovel, and come with me at mi night.' I shuddered. Post thou fear,' he said, gently—'thou a soldier? My brother was never a coward! Ala, fear not; my life for thine if needs be, but fear not.' "We went that,night. It was the full moon of the Shub-i-Burat. The moon was shining bright- ly—bright as day. All was silent. Who dares - to enter this citadel at night, when all its crowds of ghosts and spirits—the unseen witnesses of thousands of bloody deeds—are wandering about, interchanging their sad greetings, or pursuing their hellish works and pastimes ?—I was trembl- ing; but my brother walked on—the pickaxe on his shoulder—vsith cahn resolution, and I follow- ed wonderingly. "Whent we came here—here," continued Oa& old man, looking round him, "my brother stopp- ed, It is near the time,' he said. 'When the shadow of the little nainaret reaches the foot of the archway there, it will show us the place.— Haat thou the flint and steel?' I gave them to him, and, gathering a few dry twigs and some grams he lighted a small,fires.and, spreading out his scarf on the earth, he knelt down upon it in an attitude -of profound and rapt meditation. I was watching the shadow. How it crept on! I could not see it move; and yet it lengthened, lengthen- ed, lengthened, till the end reached the spot he had -pointed out. It lay like a bar of black iron on the glistening earth and white grass. Then ray brother rose, and t aking embers from the fire placed them in a heap on the spot, and threw in- cense upon them. There was no wind, and the smoke arose thick and white, and curled away among the arches. 'In the name of God !' cried my brother, and struck the pickaxe into the earth. I thought I heard a faint rustling in the air above my head,/and I looked up shivering with dread; there wais nothing but the dark Isky glistening with stars, and the bright cold moon sailing on through them. And now the blows of the pick- axe fell stronger and stronger, for my brother was then a giant in person and in strength, and he had soon loosened the earth. 'Help me , ' he said, 'with the shovel;' and I did so, and we toiled on. How long I know not; but at the third watch of the night the jackals everywhere set . up their usual dismal howl, and the owls hooted in chorus from the old palaces. Still my brother worked on while I with the sweat pouring from me in streams, shovelled out the rubbish. At last his pickaxe struck against something which rung like metal, and my heart bounded Within me. 'U1- Inund7u1-illa (Praise be to God)!' exclaimed my brother; 'it is found.' Yes, there was a small copper vessel, green with rust ; it had a cover tightly fasten on, Which a blow of my axe re- moved. It was full, of coins, some gold and some silver. We took the pot to' where my brother had spread his scarf, and sat down upon it—the Vessel between us. My brother said a prayer in Arabic, made an invocation to the spirits, and then he emptied out the contents, Sir, I tell you ' only the truth; there were four hundred gold hoons, forty-three mohurs, and a hundred and twenty-nine rupees, of some very ancient coinage, seven gold rings and a pair of gold bracelets.— Whose hoard 11;,d this been Yet the guardian spirits knew of it. 'Put away a third of all for charity, in the mine of the genii,' said 'by broth- er• least we be tempted by covetousness .' and I did So. Then we went home, and concealed what remained till we had need to use it. "Ah, sir, if all had ended here ! if—but it was not so to be. After a time my brother's gloomy spirit returned. We had no care, for the money- lender was paid and our property was free. No One had asked us how we had become rich; and who cared? Ameena had good clothes, and as to our beloved child, she had dainty -raiment and silver anklets and bracelets. But I cannot say how it was, none of us. were happy except the child ; and my brother grew more and more ody, fasted longer, and was rarely away from cre dreaded books. I thought something would me of this, and I feared. But what was to be, uld be. I knew that, and was silent. At last mo th co wo the issue came. "'The spirits are with me daily, hourly,' she said; 'they come when I call them, and I have no fear now. They tell me there is more treas- ure where we found the last; thousands--milli- ons—of Ibrahim Adil Shall's wealth that was never found. They tell •rae that, Kurnal Khan and his mother buried it when he was regent, and that their ghost* guard it. Now look, brother, there are no heirs to this treasure now.; and if the spirits give it to us, it is only their reward for my devotion. I have their secret, too, from the seal of Solomon (on whom be peace), and I can force them. But there is one condition : the rid of a pure child must take the first -of it—ours ire not pure errough.1! "Sit, I- cannot tell how we cajoled the child. I w -aa as one myself befere my brother, rad dared not resist his will. .;1(eated on his shoulder, she prattled with glee as We hurried along at a swift , pace that last night, when tbo fullmoon wee shining above us, and all the kreat citadel was still as death. When we came here, he did , as before : spread his scarf, lighted the fire, and knelt down to pray. '0 Ittraeel ! 0 Meekeel ! Jibbreel 1' he cried, 'be present, be present, be present!' and as the cloud of incense rose, I now know that I heard the faint rustling I remember. The child was delighted with the smoke curling through the air. 'Let me throw some More Baba,' she said to her ;father, and he gave her a handful of powder, which she threw into the flame• This time the smoke did not rise up. A slight gust of wind, as it seemed, blew it along the ground; but that was the breath of the spirit. The second incense was not accepted. That actt simple and thoughtless as it was, had broken the -charm! " My brother was disturbed, and was mutter- ing to himself ; but he began to dig vigorously, and I to help him, and the child stood on the brink of the pit clappingher hands. She had no fear of the night, nor of the owls that screamed and hooted as they flitted to and fro above us in the air : nor of the jackals' shrieks, and the hyena's moaning cry. How brave she was ? We had dug deeper than the old place, and followed some softer earth below the pier of, the arch, when my brother cried out, • Look, it is fOund ; come, child, and take it !' She sprang into his arms, andhe set her down while he scrambled up to the ground above. Not till I tell thee,' he cried ; wait till I burn the incense.' It WaS but a moment. We heard a loud crack and then a crash. The whole of the arch and front cif the wall had fallen into the hole. We had sprung aside instinctively and saved ourselves, but our darling was under all? There' was no sound, no groan. Who could remove that mass of ruin? See, it lies there still, and will lie till the day of judgment bursts all earthly bonds and sepulchres. "What shall I tell you of nay brother' He never stroke intelligibly afterwards, and for a long time he was a raving manic. Anaeena; poor soul, pined away and died; and now I am alone with him, and he with his books, for he had grown cahn, and reads, though he understands them not. 'Look?' he cried almost in a scream : he is coming! my brother! Let us be gone . "A tall gaunt figure approached, scantily clothed, and in the garb of a Chishtee fakeer, using a long staff to support its steps. There was a strong resemblance between the brothers • but this was a nobler, a more majestic form, and the face, 0, how vacant ! "He did not notice us, and my guide crouched down in the rubbish trembling. When he came opposite to the fallen masonry below us, he stop- ped, and uplifting his hands, cried out in a loud voice, more full of misery than any I had ever heard or could have imagined. - "'Ya Ullaah, ya Ullaah, ya Ullaah ! nierre beytee de' raeree beytee de' meree beytee de" . (0 God,' 0 God, 0 God! give me my child! give me my child' give me my child') Then listening as if for a reply, he shook his head mournfully, and went as he came. The old guide was- sobbing as I looked down him. I was silent ; for I do not think I could 'have spoken much. After a while I said, 4 4 And the treasure, has no one found it !" "No, sir; no one. A,,nd yet I saw-it—E, with these eyes, saw heaps of gold and silver when But they have taken it ewer; they, the spirits who guard it. Only last year, two Fakeers from Delhi came and dug there at night; and in the morning one was found with his legs crushed under a mass of ruin, shrieking that the spirits were holding him, and deed .ere he could be dug out, and the ruin had buried his comrade. Ah, sir, it is an accursed spot. Come away! come away!' "Can I forget my sketch of the Palace of the Seven Stories ? It remains, as it was begun, un- colored." Nom—The belief that certain of the genii have charge of all buried and hidden treasure is a common superstitution among the Mahometans of the Deccan. The mode of bringing them into subjection to man will be found by any curious reader in the work entitled, "Qanoon-i-Islam," tra,nslated by Dr. G. A. Herklots, London, 2832. Many professors of the art of science of) exorcism pretend to summon spirits to partake of food; but few attempt to use their power, on aceount of the personal danger it involve& —ALT. ewe*. How Matches are Made Large planks are cut up into blocks, double the length of the -match, and put one at a time upon the cutting machine. Two largeknives, converg- ing at the points, are driven back and forth upon the block, and numerous little Camps beneath,. wide enough to pass one match between, are press- ed up, each taking off a match at every passage of the knives, at the rate -of sixty a minute. The particles are packed in square frames and placed in a kiln dyer, over the furnance, where they re- main twenty-four hours. They are then taken out, and by means of curious machines are. coiled upon an ordinary cotton band. On each coil there is a gross, or 14,400 matches, and the band - is driven in between each layer, A curious ar- rangement of the =thine is, that it will coil no- thing but a perfect match, and throw the defect- ive ones aside. The coiling is slow, and one man can tend five machines, which will ordinarily coil about a hundred and fifty gross per day. After the coil is made up, the ends are planed down even and put upon a hot iron, which opens the pores of the wood. Both ends are then dipped into melted brimstone, into a composition of phos - phonate glue and other materials, and hung upon racks for ten minutes, at the end of which they are dry. The coils are then unrolled, the match-, es pnt in the square frame, cut in two in the middle, boxed and packed ready for shipment. -- The boxing is mostly done by boys and girls, and the smell of the brimstone is said to affect their health sornewhat.—Neto Haven Journal• We find the following in an American -par: " All.of a sudden the fair gii-1 continued to sit on the sands, gazing on the briny deep, on whose heaving bosom the tall ships went merrily by, freighted—ah! who can tell with how much joy and sorrow, andpine lumber and emigrants and hopes and salt fish." --eaeess A young lady made a somnambulist excursion the other night of more than a mile in the snow, barefoot, in her robe de mat, and only awoke as she unlocked -the door on her return. ,Result, a severe cold. Men are often tapable of greater things than they perform. They are -sent intoIlta world with bills of gredit, and seldom draw to their -full ex- teut. VARIETIES. What bar often opens but never shuts ?—A crow -bar, Why is a good anecdote like a public bell' —Because it is very often told (tolledy. • What is that which is always invisible yet - never out of sight ?—The letter I. Why is your eye like a schoolmaster using corporeal punishment ?—Because it has a pupil - under the lash. Why do annual flowering plants resemble whales ?—because they only come up to blow. Why are all whist players like monkeys 1 -- Because they have such odd tricks. Why are Whisperers like sea robber's ? — Because they are private hearing (privateering). A lady asked a gentleman how old he was. He replied " What do .you do in everything." What was his age? XL. Blessed are they who do not advertise, for they shall rarely be troubled with customers. . Reader, did you ever enjoy the ecstaetic bliss of courting? If you didn't then get a little gal - an -try. - If you visit a young woman, and you are won, and she is won, you will both be one. Wh.y is a horse constantly ridden and never fed, not likely to be . starved 7—Because he has alwaya got a bit in his mouth-. She wasn't a wise old woman who crossed a bridge, and on being told that it was labelled " dangerous, " turned and re -crossed it in all haste. Loving wife at Long Branch— "That hortid surf makes me keep my mouth shut" Sarcas— tic husband —" Take some of it home with you. " " Harry, you ought not to throw away nice bread like that, you may want it some day.' Well, mother, should I stand any better chance of get- ting it then, if I should eat it now?" A young lady while on her way to be mariied, was run over and killed. A confirmed old maid savagely remarked : "She has avoided a more lingering and horrible destiny," A religious paper has an article in its cOlutons, "May Christians Dance ? " The editor of the Washington News says they may, if they -arenot cripples, and can pay for the piper. Dr. South says—" Harmless mirth is the ;best cordial against the consumptionof spirits, where- fore, jesting is not unlawful, if it trespasseth not in quantity, quality or reason." When may a ship be said to be madly in loVe ? —When she is 'ankering after a • swell. When foppishly in love? When she is attached to a buoy. When ambitiously in love ? When be is making for a pier. An Irishman went to live in Scotland for a short time, but didn't like the country. " I was sick all the time I was there said he, "aid if I'd lived there till this time I'd beendeada year ago." A French gentleman the other day was ear - easing a dog, when an English friend remarked that he seemed. very food of it. " Y -a -a -s, I lovededoge de cats, de 'oases, and, in short, I do love everything that is beastly. replied he. " But if I put my tnoney in the savings bank." inquired one of the newly arrived, "when can (raw it out again?" '" °eh, " replied his friend, I"sure an' if you put it in to day, you can draw it out to morrow by giving a fortnight's notice." - "Here's your money, dolt, and now tell me why that rascally master of yours wrote me eight- een letters about that contemptible SUIR "1 am sure, sir, that I can't say, but if you'll excuse me, air, I sort o' think it was because seventeen didn't fetch it." A Yankee thus gives vent to his feelings •on. seeing a printer : They may talk about a tailor being only the one -ninth of a man, but I will describe one of these 'ere type chaps. I wept at the sight. Ile was as thin as a whippin" post, and his skin looked like a blown bladder after some of the air had leaked out, wrinkled an rum- pled like, and as dim as a lamp that's livin' on a short allowance of ile ; he put me in mind of a. kitchen tongs, all legs, shaft, and head, and no belly, a real needlegutted lookizi) critter, as hol- low as a bamboo welkin' cane and twice ae yal- ler. He looked actually as if he had been drawn through a gimlet hole. Thinks I, as I turned. the away in disgust, the Lord o' massy on you, you essence of misery and starvation. The elder Matthews, the actor, had always a proclivity to accidents. In 1794 he was all but drowned in Ireland: ; in 1801,, while _ acting ,in "Three -fingered Jack." a platforna fell upon hip: in 1805 he was voilently thrown from a horseiat a review, in 1807; while pigeon shooting, his gun burst and shattered his hands, in 1804, wla4e driving in a tilbury with Mr. Terry, Matthews was thrown at the turning of the Privy Gardena, and lamed for life, in 1817 his horse fell in go- ing down hill; and he was thrown out, cut and bruised, in 1827 a life preserver in a batheat Brigton, turned, forced him on his face, and near- ly killed him, in 1827 the drop roller at ihe Plymouth Theatre fell on his head and struck him senseless, in 1817 a dog threw him 'down and hurt hint severely, a few weeks after, another dog threw him off a garden seat and injured his hand and wrist In 1824 Matthews went to Am- erica, returned overcome with the clim.ate, died at Plymouth, in, June, 1835, aged 59. - Single blessedness is not good for a man. He gets along very well for a little while, until his last fortmght's washing is brought, when he jae- gins to realise the value of matrimony by the ab- sence of buttons. Man can never be an indeptin,s dant creature until , the necessity for buttons Mt be dispensed with. In a lodging -house a man has Considerable cheek taken out a him, His interest in the establishment is limited ; authority he has none. His landlady agrees to fodder hint two or three times a -day, and stables hints at night somo-where on the third floor. He can't complain of the coffee, or growl if the potatoes' are underdone. If he doien't like it he can leave it In the evening he hat all the world before him, Ile has perfect liberty of choice between his bed -room and the street There is a parlor, to be sure, but the young lady who has steady company is always there. YOU go' in, and the damsel looks daggers. Her young man loolutaw though he would like to punch your hes41-t F you are posselised of a sensitive and isymp.thlbe nature, you can't resist this mute a no -would you have liked it yLursyelofulr has: se: youalternative but to suddenly remember .41111* "have an appointment," i",-0 rush out into the street 4.• ij 4 • tr -3 Ss"