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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1870-02-11, Page 1+"Cb. 4 1870. ESS. DE } S. led letters received from mit Jackson, Mich., and n, with r, budget of games unicrtions from C. A. Gil- enay. The above named ecept our thanks CHESS ASSOCIATION. preset year :- Alois, -Ahola,= Battle Creek. reliing, Detroit. Parr -1L D. Smith, Jack- Aburn, Detroit Wm. A. ids ; Henry Schutjee,Bay- Detroit. been a: success. It was a who participted in it,and were played. A full ac- ient, with the bestamex nd all the sound proems pamphlet.. ie score of each player, as lI t,n. Lost. .Iain. 14 0 0 12 •2 1 10 4 ff ...1tt 4 1 £i 6 1 .. 7 ,2 t 7 4 7 3 0 1 0 rt E 6 4 10 3 11 3 11 11 E Nt NO. 87. `ASHINt rc D. C.. K'; 4.7 /f' ftf i4IT Ee id give mate in 3 moves. 0 PROBLEM 1+N088. Ktoi3 5 Ptk.R .ate K;tks RorKtoKt4 te. Ktks Q' Anything. tate. KtoQ5 toKt3 Ktto Kt4, ate I'taK 6 ate ,ate. Anything AMA NO. ID. In Bell's Life. Q sq. i A. l�.t sl Q2 QR2 K Kt'2 Elate in two- moves, (IAi E NC). 97'. 3 B`. a a little match between E. Turney, and Mr. Mor-- A'('I[ETTL '. Defence. Mr. Morris. iltoK4 P to K 5 bad P'to Q4 Eta Q B 3 KKttoB3 Q BtoKt 2- K Ytks P QBtoB4 Q B tks B .P• to K R: 3 Ptics <P K .Kt tks Kt _t ch. Q to K 2 4 Qtoher B4 S 8 K to his 2 cb. Kto Q3 5ch.. Q-tks QB Q K tics K lR and the defence- resigns.. 1TLTII H. .7 than ever AT 4S BELTS .ROOM. ow prepared to furuishl4ouses rices- -. CI - it attended to ina satisfact- A Hearse for hire, SPRING MATTRAS hand and fitted to any bed - Ie is the best and cheapest by all who have used it. satisfaction .e place 'MU LK NlS. xlat, 1&70 87-i1. r WU.' F. LL mum, C' Freedom in Trade ---Liberty n Rel'igi in --1 'goliaty in Civil Rights". EDITOR &NRLUSi. VOL. 3, NO. 10, SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 1870. WHOLE NO. 114. BUSINESS CARDS. MEDICAL. DTRACY, M. D., Coroner for the County of Huron. Office and Residence—One door East of the Methodist Episeipal Church.• Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868. 53-1y L VERCOE, M. D C. M., Physician, Sur - `eon; etd., - Ofd = and ., Residenee; • corner of Market and High Street, immediately in rear sf Kidd & McMulkin's Store. Seaforth, Feb. 4th. 1870. • 53-1y. D R. W. R. SMITH, Physician, Surgeon, etc. Office, ----Opposite Veal's Grocery . Resi- denee Main -street, North. Seaforth, -Dec -14, 1863. - - 53-1 y CAMPBELL, M, D. C. M., (Graduate, of Mc - r. Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur - Peon, etc., Seaforth. Office and Residence—Old ost Office Building, up stairs,; where=he will be found by night of day when at home. • Seaforth, July 15th, 1869. 84-ly LEGAL. C. CAMERON, Barrister and Attorney -at � s Lsw, Goderich. Ont. December 14th, 1869. 53-tf- "TA S & ELWOOD, Barristers and Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery, Notaries Public 'Conveyafncers, • etc. Office. --Over Mr. Archibald'sSton, Crsbb's Block, Goderich, Ont. Money to Lend. . . W. TODRANCIt BAYS, J. T. ELWOOD. Seaforth, Dee;. 14th, 1868 53-ly. ency, • -c Trait Colonial 'Loney JAIL . . SON 4 MEYER, Barristers sand Attorney ' '_ at Law, Solicitors in Chancery end Insolv- Conveyancers, . NotariesPub 'c; . etc. Of- es,-Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents for _ the and Loan Co. of Upper Canada, and-' the Securities Co. of - London England. t §,per cent ; no comznlaaio . charged. R`. klITSON, II. W. . METER. Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-1y .LC9,0 AUG & HOLMSTEAD, ` Attorneys at Law, Solicitors- and Insolvency, Notaries Public and era. Solicitors for the R. C. Bank Agents for the Canada Life Au N. B.-00,000 to lend at 8 per eta Houses and Lots for sale. Seaforth, Dec;. 14th, '1868.. - • Barristers, . Chancery 'onveyanc- Seaforth, ranee Co. t. Farms, 33-tf. PF. ' WALKER. , licitor•' Public, &c. . Court House, N.B.—Money Lands. Goderich, Jan'y. Attorney-at-La4 -Chancery, Conveyancer, fhce of the Clerk of Kloderich Ont. to lend et. 8 per • cent 28. 1470.. and So - Notary the Peace, on Farm 112-1y. correctly. Every description of Building measured and valued. Bills of quantities pared. OFFICE. —Next door North of son's old store, Seaforth. Seaforth, June 9th, 1869. DENTAL. „ ,� •.. G. W: HARRIS,L. Ty she , ficial Dentures inserted 4ith �� latest improvements. -Tho care taken fur the preservation of decayed tender teeth, Teeth extracted without Rooms over Collier's Store. Seaforth. Dec. 14, 1898. S. Arti• all the greatest and pain. 1 y. HOTELS. . BHAZLEHURST, Licensed Auctioneer . the County of Huron. Godertch, Particular attention paid to the sale of Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages F e Landlord's Warrants Executed. Mee, Hirst Division Court for Huron. aoderioh, June 9th, 1869. HARP'S HOTEL, Livery Stable, and Genera S Stage Office, Main -street. R .L SxkRP, Prop. P Seaforth,, Jan. 8th, 1869. , . 1 53:tf. COMMERCIAL HOTEL, Ainleyvile, James. Laird, proprietor, affords tirst=clasa accom- modation for .the travelling public. ' The larder and bar are -always supplied with the best the markets afford. Excellent stabling in - connection Ainleyville, April,:23, 1869. -. 70-tf. ': JR. ROSS, Proprietor New Domiiion Hotel, , begs to- inform the people 'of Seforth and the travelling community generally, th t he keeps first-class accommodation in everything ng required by travellers. A good stable anti willing hostler always on hand, Regular Boarders. '11 receive every necessary attention. Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869.. 63-1y. ARCHITECTS. - E SMAILL & CROOK1, Architcts, 4. and Specifications drawn cur*ectl}� ter's, Plasterer's, and Mason's work, and valued. Office—Over J. C. Detlor store, Court -House Square, Goderich. Goderich, April 23, 1869. Plans . Carpen- measured .& Co.'s : - 79-1y. JJ ENRY.WATKINSON, Architect El er. Plans, Specifications ani Deteils.drawn and Build - Work* pre- Mr. - Hick - - 79- tf correctly. Every description of Building measured and valued. Bills of quantities pared. OFFICE. —Next door North of son's old store, Seaforth. Seaforth, June 9th, 1869. SURVEYORS. & W. McPIIILLIPS, Provincial Ur. veyors, Civil Eneineers, etc. of Conveyancing, done with neatness and G. McPhillips, Commissioner in B. R. Next door south of Sharp's -Hotel, Seaf.rth.- Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. and Sur - - manner dispatch. Office— - 53-ly . AUCTIONEER. BHAZLEHURST, Licensed Auctioneer . the County of Huron. Godertch, Particular attention paid to the sale of Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages F e Landlord's Warrants Executed. Mee, Hirst Division Court for Huron. aoderioh, June 9th, 1869. fo Ont Bankrupt Liberal reclosed, Bailiff 76. tf, IN SCHOOL DAYS. RT JOHN GREENLEAR WHrITINL. Still the by the road, A ged sunning ; Around it still the sumachs grow, And black -berry vines are running. Within, the master's desk is Wien, Deep scarred by raps official ; The warpled floor, the battered sesta, The Jack-knife's carved initial. The charcoal frescoes on its wall ; Its door's worn still, . betraying The feet that, creeping slow to school, Went storming out to playing: Long years ago a winter sun Shone over it at setting ; Lit up its western window panes, And Iow eaves' icy fretting. ;LL It touched the tangled golden curls, And brown eyes full of grieving, Of one who still her steps delayed, When all the school were leaving. For near her stood the little boy, Her childish favor singled: With cap pulled low upon a face Where pride and shame were mingled. Pushing with restless feet the snow To right and left,.he lingered ;— And restlessly her tiny hands The blue -Checked apron fingered. He saw her lift her eyes ; he felt The soft hand's light caressing, And heard the tremble of her voice, Asci a fault confessing. t "I'm sorry that I spelt the word, I hate to go above you, Because"—the brown eyes lower fell— "Because you see, I love you ?" Still memory to a gray haired man That sweet child -face is showing ; Dear girl ! the grasses on her grave Have forty years been growing He lives to learn in lie's hard school, How few who pass above him, Lament their triumph and his loss, Like her—because they love him.. Q. The Story ofa Diver. It is a strange business. The danger fascinates some, but the peril is never lost sight of. I put on the helmet for the first time more than ten years ago, and yet I never resume it without a feeling that -it may be the last time that I shall ever go down. Of course, one has more confi- dence after a while, but there is something in be- ing' shut eing'shut ug in an armor weighed down with a hundred pounds, and knowing that a little leak in your pipe is your death, that no diver can get rid of. And I do not know that I should care to banish the feeling, for the sight of the clear blue sky, the genial sun, and the face of a fellow -man after long hours among the fishes, makes you feel like one who has suddenly been drawn away from the grasp of death. I have had some narrow escapes while pursuing my strange profession ; every diver has, or has been unusually lucky to escape them. I think the most dangerous place I ever got in- to was going down to examine the propeller `Comet, "sunk off Toledo. - In working about her bottom, I got my air -pipe coiled over a large sliver from the -stoven hole, and could notreaeh it with my hands. Every time I sprung up to re- move the hose my tender would give me the "slack" of the line, thus letting me fall back main, He did not nnderstand his duties, and did not know what my signals on the life -line meant. It was two hours and a half before I was relieved, and there was not a moment that I was not looking to see the hose cut by the ragged wood. Its a strange feeling youave down there. Yon go walking over a vessel clamber- ing up her sides, peering here and there, and the feeling that you are alone makes you nervous and uneasy. . Sometimes a vessel sinks down so fairly that she stands up on the bottom ae, trim and neat, as if she rode upon the surface. Then you can go down into the cabin, up the shrouds, walk all oyer her, just as easy as a sailor could if she were still dashing away before the breeze.—Only it seems quiet, so tomb -like ; there are no waves down there—only a swaying back and forth of the waters, mid a see -sawing of the ship. You hear nothing from above. The great (fishes will come swimming. about. rubbing their noses against your glass, and staring with -a wonderful look into your eyes... The very stillness some- times gives a chill. You hear just a moaning, wailing sound, like the last notes of an organ, and you cannot help thinking of dead men floating over and around you. I have been down especially to rescue the bod- ies of those drowned. About four years ago the propeller Buckeye, belonging to the Northern Transportation Company, went down in the River St. Lawrence, in seventy-eight feet ofwater, and it was kmownthat a mother and child were asleep in their stateroom at the time of . her sink- ing. The father begged of me, and offered me a great deal of money to take out the corpses, and though I dreaded the work I at last consented. I had been all over the wreck two or three times, and knew just where the stateroom was. The door was fast locked and I waited a good while before bursting it open. Of course, a dead person couldu't harm you, but even in broad day, on shore, and with people around you, don't you know that the sight and presence of a dead person around brings up sol- emn thoughts and nervous feelings ? I knew how they would look, how they were floating `about in the room, and if the father hadn't been look- ing so wretched above, there was no money to tempt me in there. But at last I got a crow -bar from forwards, and not letting myself think, gave the light door a blow and stove in. The water came rushing out, the vessel just then lurched over towards my side, and out they came, the woman first, her eyes wide open, and hair trail- ing behind, and in her left hand she held .the_. hand of the child. I knew how they would look, but I screamed out, and jumped back. Her face was fearfully distorted, showing how hard death had been made, and the eyes looked through the green waters at me in a way that made my flesh creep. The child had died easily, , its little white face giving out no sign of terror. ' It was s good while before 1 got the line fast- ened to than, and gave the signal to haul up and I felt so uneasy that I was not long in following. Thia is one of the drawbacks to any feeling of cariosity ,diver might otherwise have. I -never go down the hatchway or the cabin steps -without about a dead man floating about there. When t e, 'Lac De Belle' sunk in St. Clair flats, the engineer was caught in the rushing waters, and no trace was ever found of his body. His wife came to me, hearing that I was to go to the wreck, and asked me to find the body if possible. I remembered this when 1 wentdown, and went greping through theengine room .,in momentary expectation of encountering the dead body.—I had looked so long without finding it; that I get nervous, and had started for the ' ladder to ' get up, when I felt something strike my herlet• and give way, and a chill went dancing over me as I thought the dead body was at hand. Bat on reaching, I found that I had run against the fire - hose the end of whichwas hanging down, and that whatl so dreaded was still hidden beyond my sight. A diver does not like to go down more than one hundred and twenty feet; at than depth the pressure is painful, and there is danger of inter- nal injury. I can stay down for five or six hours at a -time at a hundred and fifteen or '.twenty feet, and do a good deal of hard -work. In the waters of Lake Huron the diver can see thirty or forty feet away, but other lakes will screeu •a Vessel not ten feet from you. Up here, you seldom think of accident or death, and a hundred feet of water washing over your head would set you to thinking. A little stoppage in your air pump, a leak in your pipe, a Careless action on the part of your tender, and a weight of a mountain would press the life out of you before you -could make a move. .And you may_'foul" yog pipe or line yourself, and in your haste brion what you dread. I often get my hose around a stair or rail, and generally release it without much trouble ; the bare idea of what a slender thing holds back the clutch of death off my throat makes a cold sweat start from every pore.—Enaglish Magazine. • ter♦ A New Disease: • is The New Yorkers are bothered with another sensation, of a more serious nature than that of either the Russian bath or swill -milk nuisance. It is nothing fees than a new disease which has made its appearance in the city, known as the " relapsing fever." It is a disease hitherto un- known in the country, and medical men are puzzl- ed •to know how it was introduced into that city. Although said to be common in Europe, its pres- ence was not detected on this side of the Atlantic until,December Mast. The disease is notattended with any very alarming mortality, although vio- lent -in its symptoms, not more than four or five per cent.. of the whole number of cams proving fatal.. Several cases have been detected in the hospitals, and it is prevalent throughout the city. It is generally supposed to have been imported to New York by emigrants arriving from Europe. The first ease occurred early in December, since which time, the World informs bus, nearly thirty cases had come publicly to the noticeof the medi- cal fraternity, most of which have been treated with success. The disease, like t hus, is a fa- mine fever, occurringin times of great distress, and attacking in the flrst place the lower classes of the community, although in Europo it has been known to extend - to the upper classes of society, numbering its victims by thousands. It spreads in contagions, like other pestilences, and when it becomes epidemic, the cases are not confined to the poor and needy. It ordinarily begins with a severe chill, which is?followed by the usual phe- nomena of fever. These phenomena continue to increase until- after three, four, or sometimes six days, et the expiration of which copious prespi- rations f terepinate the attack. The patient then remains free of fever, although often `feeble and ailing, till a second chill supervenes, followed by phenomena similar to those of the first attack. Sometimes a - second relapse occurs about the twenty-first day, and cases are recorded in which three and even four relapses have been observed. Though the symptoms, while the fever is on, are violent,the pulse very frequent, and the tempera- ture high, the disease is attended with compara- tively little danger. The medical men under whose notice the several cases have come, have no serious difficulty in treating it successfully, so that no fears need be apprehended should this new disease ever find its way into Canada, —N. Y. Tribune. le i• George Frannie Train and the Feniane. At an early hour last Saturday evening, St. James' Hall, Buffalo, was filled with an enthusi- astic crowd composed of both sexes, all awaiting the arrival of the erratic George Francis Train. The orator was introduced to the audience by Justice Whelan, and the appearance of the "friend of Ireland" was the signal for loud ap- plause. An address of welcome was delivered to George Francis by a young lady dressed in green, and a gold harp, to he worn as a badge, was pre- sented him. - George, - the saltatory, then commenced a coherent and characteristic harrangue. After preliminary remarks in relation to the unpaid Alabama claims he pitched into Prince Arthur and the "flunkies" at Washington, who had re- ceived and entertained him. George Peapody was denounced as having been the greatest enemy . to Fernianism. Then the audience were delec- tated by a little personal history, of moving inci- dents by flood and field, of `hair -breadth escapes' and so forth, which was very interesting to those who particularly admired it. Free trade next re- ceived attention, and George attemptedto mull vather" the press of Buffalo. He then demanded that Prince Arthur be arrested and lodged in Fort Lafayette, and there be held as a hostage for the Fenians confined in Ireland. This propo- sition was received with demonstrations of ap- proval and loud applause. The Prince should be careful, or mayhap he will " live upon the va- por of a`T iiiigeon," Then followed a repetition of the vow to free Ireland, and the expressed hope to be in the packing of London. President Grant caught it in general terms, and then the speaker called for groans for that Executive, the Cabinet andMinister Thornton, all of which was heartily responded to. After a little more "coherency" of the same sort, George desired some one to sing the solo of "God save Ireland," but it was found that those who should have known it, were la- mentably ignorant of their national anthem,, so G. JJ F. consoled himself with calling for three groans for England, and three cheers for Ireland. Thins ended the 3I3th lecture by the irrepressible. • Train ' was to preach in Tammany, in New York . °last night. `r e sympatize with the metropoli- tans. • A Nice State of Affairs. A moat horrible murder was committed in New York on Saturday night. The.N. Y. Times says : "A poor man named William Townsend, of good repute, was cruelly stabbed to the heart by a no- toreoua ruffain named Reynolds. Poor Town- send's little girl, thirteen yeare of age, was looking on when the dastardly assassin committed the crime—and his wife with five other young chil- dren were in a room back of the store, and just came out in time to see husband and father fall back dead. Townsend had given not the slightest provocation--Reynolda entered his house, de- manded lodgings—it was not a lodging house -'and stabbed the deceased then and there. If • ever - there was a crime which called for the vengeance of God and man, this is the one. But the fact we have to face is this—in New York, where justice has become infamous—the chances are that the murderer Reynolds will escape. This trial will be put off and put off until people have forgotten him, and then he will be let loose like a tiger n society again. The citizens tried to lynch on Saturday night—and no wonder ! It is enough to make the very stones cry out to see red-handed assassins evading punishment by the conveni- ence'of corrupt judges and juries. Where is Dou- glas, whobasely shot an old man last November ? Where is Real ? Reynolds who has despatched s fellow -creature into eternity without giving him time to utter a prayer, and thrown a widow and six children upon the tender mercies of the world, =will be at large again in a few inonths. In old times people would have expected a curse from from heaven to fallupon the men who are re- sponsible for this desperate violation of all laws, human sad divine, Salting Cattle. Thi importance of properly feeding salt to cattle to promote health, and thereby guard against dis- ease, is not sufficiently appreciated. I have ever •been in the practice of giving salt to my cattle once a week, precisely to a day, with the follow- ing exceptions, viz., when they first go to pasture in the spring and the first part of summer they want it oftener. and will let me know it by going to the place where I usually salt them and gnaw- ing nawing the ground. I then give them salt twice a week ; but as their bowels are loose from eating fresh grass, I give a smaller quantity. During - the last forty years, or more, I have kept cows and horses through seasons whet black -tongue, hoof -ail, and other diseases prevailed throughout my neighbourhood, at which time I recozmnend- ed giving salt twice a week, aa I hare'during the prevalence of the late cow disease. : - I now make the statement that I have never had a cow or a horse affected by any prevailing disease, unless you may call this an exception bought a cow two and a half months before the appearance of the late cow disease, and I kept s au close watch of x cows, the cow that I had re- cently bought had a crack across her ancle, hori- zontal, between her dew -claw and hoof, which I should not have noticed: at ,any other time, but that healed in less than a week. I have now stat- ed fact ; draw your own conclusions. - If the dreaded rinderpest should approach us I' should rely with a great deal of confidence upon the same course. v.L; MAY, In Rural New Yorker. The Prince,as a Dancer. III The Jenkins of the New York Commercial Ad. vertiaer has been studying the j'rincee'a Terpsi- chorean capabilities, and thus gives his views on that important art "Prince Arthur—in this respect—an excep- tion to the generality of his countrymen—is amost accomplished dancer. He has not that tendency to acquire fat which so troubles both his elder brothers, and has always been distinguished for his agility and graceful bearing. At the balls re- cently given in Montreal, it was remarked by those who had no disposition to flatter the Prince, that the perfect ease and propriety of all his mo- tions, particularly in the `round' dances, would have delighted the moat fastidious French master of the art. His peculiar terpischorean weakness is the gallop, and his favorite composers of music are Godfrey and the elder Strauss. The former, who, we believe, is now the leader --of the Gold stream Guard Band, wrote and dedicated to him, a very charming gallop in acknowledgement of the creditable manner with which his Royal Highness tripped it 'on the light fantastic toe.' We make these statements at the present time, inasmuch as they may be of some service to the Thirty-six Worshippers who are about to 'raise the duet' at the Academy of Music in the name of Terpsichore, and of the third Prince of England's royal line." -sae. THE INDIAN POLICY of CANADA.—A dispatch from Washington says The Department of State, at the request of Hon. Sidney Clarke, Chairman of the House Committee on Indian Affairs, directed Freeman N. Blake, United States Consul at Hamilton, Canada, to report up- on the condition and treatment of the Canadian Indians. The report is now made, and suggests an opportunity in the present crisis of Indian ffairs in our own country, showing that the settlement of the aborigines, upon large reserva- tions is essential to rescuing them from'their, dangers and making them amenable to law and order. He says : The experience of Canada and our own leads towards the same conclusions. Since Great Britain acquired Canada the - Indians have ever been her faithful allies in war and maintained peace among themselves. They are advancing in cultivation and increasing in num- ber. The Government has treated them,as wards, or pupils, considering their wibhes, - ut retaining their power in its own hands, with re- ciprocal benefit. Its agents hold their of l es for life, or during good behaviour. A strict re- gard to integrity in every detail is deemed an j essential part of the policy. The legislature of Canada as to the Indians, duringthe last two ep years, has beexceedingly thoughtful and com- prehensive, its objects having been to qualify and encourage them to self-government.. , - - -ea ia; :A stupendous project has been broached in Mileraukee, designed to secure for that city the larger part of the trade which Chicago now enjoys. It is neither more nor leas than to construct &rail- road tunnel under Lake Michigan, across to the State of Michigan, and thus obtain a shorter route to. the East than any now in existence. • The dis- tamce is 86 miles, the depth of the water less than 450 feet, and the total cost of the work is estimat- ed at $100,000,000. Bey - The Pope is a fine biliard player, but he is not perfect ---Why ? Because, though he runs amaa- - ing haseards, he is not yet infalliable at a canon. VARIETIES. Original package—An infant, The children's kingdom—lap-land. Counter attraction—Pretty lady clerks. The best -note piper—Bank of England. The new back gammon --The Grecian A writ of attachment—A marriage certificate. Something put up.. for a rainy day-- An um- brella. A lard form of mouth `dimsse---- eanda rouge .. ing. Lavers, like armies, get along very well till ea - gage What is the best stimulenb for the hare ? The greyhound. A Maine Point-Ia the liquor law prphilitory in " Port" -land ? Paddy ought never to suffer frriu deaieiiess if he lives within Erin. What should a clergyman preach about ? A- bout fifteen minutes. - Why was Eve not afraid of the measles ? Be- cause she'd 'ad 'em (Adam). A lawyer is an individual who deals in -but does not always deal out -equity, " A splendid ear, -but very poor voice,' es the organ -grinder said to the donkey. - When may s bird be said to -occupy a feather. bed ? When it sleeps upon the wing: Our police 'are accounted all honest men, ina4-- 'Ynuch as -they are never on the beat. Any fool can catch a cold, but it often takes the wisest physicians to compass its exit. A governess, advertising for _a= situation, sa=ys that she "is perfect mistress of her own tongue.!: When the enterprising butcher', boy "set Up.* his own hook" did he find a comfortable seat ? Why is the widow's contribution so fr:' uently alluded to 2 Because it was a mighty g • e thing. The chap who fell back on .his own resources sustained injuries which his physician thinks inset lead to aspinedifficulty. The man whe tried to sweeten his tea with one of his wife's_ smiles has fallen back on angst. Nothing like first principles, after all. Commercial.—A lnendraper's :assistant to be able to drive a ' ... trade ; at least, he . plenty of practice in , andling the ribbons. " I can- marry any girl I please," said :s young fellow boastingly. " Very true," replied his wagg- ish companion, "for yon can't please any." :.. What distinguished character does a male,gook bleating in an under tone, remind one of Baa -low. (The reader of this is requested not to faint.) The color of a certain clergyman's ay -es have never been determined. When he prays heahua his eyes,- and when he preaches he shuts other people's. . , Somebody has found out that the present -high price of butter is attributable to the fact that farmers' daughters generally prefer the piano, to the churn. - Sarah's lover (log.): "Stay! if you don't want to see me in the T.ife Guards a -going on any how, and a -Courtin' all the gals in mann, say you'd ha' me." And now a Pittsburg druggist has made his lit- tle mistake. He gave pulverized opium for pul- verised rhubarb, a child which was given the dose was murder - No wonder.—The young lad who "wished she was a bird" • changed her mind after dinner ea Christmas day, when she saw how dreadfully lit- tle was left of the turkey. A lady asked her gardiner how the weeds sal- ways outgrew -the flowers. " Madam," answered he, " the soil, is mother to the weeds, but only stepmother to the flowers." A fop just returned to England from a Continent- al tour was asked how he liked the ruins of Ppzu- peii. "Not•very well," was the reply; "they are so dreadfullyout of repair !" Josh Billings says :-" The mewl is a larger bund than the gnse or turkey. It has foo legs to walk with ,and two -more to kick with, and it wares' its. wings on the side of his head." • San Francisco is .a harvest field for medical and other quacks. Among the real estate sales of fast month were two, of the value of $30,000, to Li.pD- Tai, the Chinese quack doctor. Men who will not advertise their busines never think newspapers are read until they happen to get into a serape. • Then they can beg for hours, to keep their names out of print. An economical Jerseyman sought to save money by deserting his family and living with his wash- erwoman. He saw his folly w hen his wife sent the three small children after hint. - A Hartford paper tells of Taman in that city who in telling a police officer that he had an ocular de- monetration of his wife's . infidelity, added, '" I never had any little thing make me so mad in all my life." An agent was sent to collect funds for a college;' On reporting after he came back an excess of ex pensee over the subscriptions, he added "But gentlemen, I have found great encouragement -to pray." On a white stone in an old cemetry at Concord. Mass., is this epitaph : " Thie stone is designed by its durability to perpetuate the memory, and by its color to signify the moral character of Miss Abigail Dudley. A Paris clerk, recently transferred to the 'office of the 'registry of marriages fromtthe registry of deaths, threw a chill over a bridal partyby solemn ly inquiring of the witnesses, What was �ycur connection with the deceased ?" y° Rope enough.s-A Kentucky vigilance committee, who did not hang their men effectually, are now sued for damages by their rescuseitated victims. We should say the best thing to be done is to ha fi - we mean to suspend the committee. Found.—The hinges of a Christmas box ; a pad- lock belonging to a chain of circumstances'; a skeleton key conjectured to appertain to a deeid,- lock ; the socket of a thunder -bolt. If the above are not claimed within a few days they will be sold for old iron. A Yankee wagered a Dutchman that he could swallow him. The Dutchman lay upon a board and the Yankee bit his toe severely. The victim. screamed with pain. " Why, ye tarsal fool ':i" cried Johnathan, " ye don't think I'm going to swaller ye hull, do ye s A gentle quaker had two horses, a very good and a very poor one. VVhenseeneiding the latter it turned out that his better half had taken the. good; one. '• What," said "a sneering bachelor, "how comes it that you let your wife have the best horse ?"—The only reply was :- Friend_ when thee be married the'll know." • f •