HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Times Advocate, 2008-12-31, Page 5Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Times -Advocate 5
OPINION FORUM&NEW S
I 0 YEARS AGO
December 23, 1998 - The South
Huron Hospital Auxiliary has
decided to donate $13,000 to
the hospital for equipment re-
quested.
Ontario based Smith Trailers
and Equipment Inc. has an-
nounced Huron Tractor will be
its new authorized agent in Ex-
eter and Blyth.
20 YEARS AGO
December 28, 1988 - It is more
blessed to give than to receive.
That s the sentiment shown by the executive of
the Fleck Manufacturing Social Club. This group
who lost their jobs at the end of September when
the Huron Park plant closed down, donated more
than $6,000 from their fund to the area needy and
handicapped.
30 YEARS AGO
December 27, 1978 - According to old and new
members of the South Huron Recreation Centre
Board, the complex had a very good first year of
operation in terms of both programs offered and
its financial condition.
Mayor Derry Boyle announced this week that he
plans to be in the town offices on a regular daily
basis to handle calls and visits from ratepayers
and members of council.
45 YEARS AGO
December 28, 1963 - About $2,500 worth of
slacks, sweaters and other apparel was stolen
from T.C. Joynt and Sons Men s Wear in Hensall
late one night this week. Entry was gained by
breaking the glass in the front door.
Loss of around $25,000 was estimated in a barn
fire near Clandeboye early Monday morning
which destroyed vehicles, livestock and produce.
The barn belonged to Joe Vanneste, R.R. 1, Clan-
deboye.
The value of a young girl s letter to Santa Claus
has now reached the $2,500 mark since its Christ-
mas sentiments were first published in the T -A
eight years ago. Elizabeth Knox, daughter of Rev.
and Mrs. Norman Knox wrote the letter which
read, There are children who need presents more
than I do and I hope you have plenty of toys for
them. Her wish was read by another Elizabeth
in London who made an anonymous donation
to the girl through the London Free Press. Since
then, Elizabeth has received a total of $2,500 all of
which is in a trust fund for her education.
50 YEARS AGO
December 27, 1958 - The CGIT of Caven Pres-
byterian Church presented the Christmas Vesper
service in the church, Sunday evening. Carole
Hogarth was the leader for the service.
In competition with United Church Sunday
Schools from London and surrounding district,
four pupils from James Street United Church in
Exeter upheld their knowledge of the Bible with-
out a defeat. The members of the team were Ann
Fairbairn, Elsie Gosar, Larry Idle and George
Godbolt with Linda Hunter-Duvar and Douglas
Huntley as spares.
A threat of rabies in the area has prompted Hay
Township Council to pass a bylaw stating that all
dogs must be tied up, effective immediately until
further notice.
A new feature for students at Lumley Public
School in Usborne township this year was an old-
fashioned sleigh ride around the district. It was
organized by teacher Mrs. William Mair.
60 YEARS AGO.
December 27, 1948 - New 1949 license plates will
go on sale on Mon., Jan. 3.
70 YEARS AGO
December 29, 1938 -War clouds are on every
horizon as 1938 closes and 1939 dawns. Palestine,
the cradle of the church and civilization, echoes
to the roar of armed airplanes and her road, once
trod by shepherds and the Prince of Peace trem-
bles beneath armed war machines.
William D. Sanders was re-elected by acclama-
tion to the reeve s chair of Exeter council. The vil-
lage showed a balance of $6,983.43 for the year
end.
Bell Canada offered its cheaper night-time long
distance rates for a full 57 hours over the holi-
days, recommending people send their wishes
the personal way.
ROSS
HAUGH
Back in Time
Seniors' Perspective
By Jim Bearss
SENIOR CORRESPONDENT
The best way to entertain people is to listen to them.
Bridge lessons at Riverview Estates
Lessons taught by accredited teacher will begin on
Mon., Jan. 12. The course is nine weeks every Mon-
day from 10 a.m. to 12 noon. No fees will be charged.
To register call Lillian Mathers at 235-1098. Four -Deal
Progressive Bridge every Monday at 7 p.m. will re-
sume Jan. 5, 2009.
Legion news
Local card players are also asked to hone their card
playing skills for upcoming card tournaments as fol-
lows: Sat., Jan. 10, 2009 Pepper Tournament; Sat.,
Jan. 31, 2009 - Euchre Tournament
Cooking with pork
Learn how to cook with pork. Plan to go to this informative
meeting at the Riverview Estates, Exeter on Jan. 8 -11 a.m. Deb
Campbell, Ontario Pork Producers Nutritionist will be your
instructor and she wants to share valuable information with
you about the other white meat and explain cooking recipes
for pork. Turn east at the Beer Store and follow the signs to the
Rec. Hall. Lunch is available for $6 per person.
Tired of Christmas shopping, high taxes, automobile manufactur-
ing problems, government nonsense, traffic, crowds, and snow -banks
then enjoy the following jokes!
How to call police when you are old and
don t move fast anymore
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to
bed, when his wife told him that he d left the light on in the
garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw
that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned
the police, who asked Is someone in your house? He said
No. Then they said All patrols are busy. You should lock
your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.
George said, Okay.
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned
the police again. Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago
because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well,
you don t have to worry about them now because I just shot
them and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars,
a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic,
and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence, and
caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said
to George, I thought you said that you d shot them! George
said, I thought you said there was nobody available! I love it!
Don t mess with old people.
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics,
this may bring back some memories. These great questions and an-
swers are from the days when Hollywood Squares game show re-
sponses were spontaneous, not scripted as they are now. Peter Mar-
shall was the host asking the questions.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Linde: If you hold their little heads under water long
enough.
Q. If you re going to make a parachute jump, at least how
high should you be?
A, Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should
do it.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you
should never do in bed?
A. Paul Linde: Point and laugh.
Q. You ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you prob-
ably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That s what s been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a
party and you think he is attractive, is it okay to come out and
ask if he s married.
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get
older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say I
Love You ?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a
twenty.
Q. Charley, you ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are
you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I m too busy growing
strawberries.
The laws of ultimate reality
Law of Mechanical Repair; after your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you 11 have to
pee.
Law of Gravity; any tool when dropped will roll to the least
accessible corner.
Law of Probability; the probability of being watched is pro-
portional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers; if you dial a wrong number, you
will never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi; if you tell your boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will
have a flat tire.
Variation Law; if you change lines (for traffic lanes)
the one you were in will always move faster than the
ones you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath; when the body is fully immersed
in water, the telephone rings.
Law of the Close Encounters; the probability of
meeting someone you know increases dramatically
when you don t want to be seen.
Law of the Result; when you try to prove to some-
one that a machine won t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics; the severity of the itch is in-
versely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre; at any event, the people whose
seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
The Coffee Law; as soon as you sit down to a cup of hot cof-
fee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last
until the coffee is cold.
Murphy s Law of Lockers; There are only two people in a
locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
The roads department closed a road leading to a small town in
order to repair a collapsed sewer -pipe. The construction work-
ers put up a sign saying; Road closed. But since the actual road
closure is not apparent until you go around a bend, a lot of
drivers go just to see if the road is really closed. After they
see the road really is closed, they start making their way back.
Their embarrassment is made worse by another sign right be-
hind the road closed sign, but facing them on their return. The
new sign reads; Told you so!
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells You should
have been here at 8:30! He replies; why? What happened at
8:30?
The trendy dresser fancied to be quite a ladies man, and was
delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained
a girl s name and address and asked him to send a photograph.
How romantic, he thought to himself and promptly mailed off
a note and a photo.
With great anticipation he opened her response. It read,
Thanks for writing. I was curious to see what kind of guy
would buy such a goofy shirt.
After spending all day Sunday watching football games
on television, a man fell asleep in his lounge chair, spending
the entire night there. It s twenty to seven, she called. For
whom? the man asked.
Brother John entered the Monastery of Silence and the
Chief Priest said, Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are
welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until
I direct you to do so. Brother John lived in the monastery for
a full year before the Chief Priest said to him: Brother John,
you have been here a year now, you may speak two words.
Brother John said, Hard Bed; I m sorry to hear that the
Chief Priest said. You will get a better bed.
The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest.
You may say another two words Brother John. Cold Food.
Said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him the food
would be better in the future.
On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest
again called Brother John into his office. Two words you may
say today. I quit, said Brother John.
It is probably best, said the Chief Priest. All you have
done since you got here was complain.
A man laid spread out over three seats in the second row of
a movie theatre. As he lay there breathing heavily, an usher
came over and said, That s very rude of you, sir, taking up
three seats. Didn t you learn any manners? Where did you
come from?
The man looked up helplessly and said. The Balcony.
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with
the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You 11 get your chance in court, said the desk sergeant. No,
no, no! said the man. I want to know how he got into the
house without waking my wife. I ve been trying to do that for
years!
A Lady took her dog to the parlor for a haircut and asked
what it would cost? Being told that it would cost her $50, she
was outraged. I only pay $30 for my own haircut!
The groomer replied, That may be true. But then you don t
bite, do you?
It was the day of the big sale (and some advertising in the
local paper) was the main reason for the long line that formed
in front of the store by 8:30, the store opening time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only
to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses. On the
man s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and
knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line
again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the
end of the line, That does it! If they hit me once more, I m not
opening the store.
JIM
BEAR
SS