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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Times Advocate, 2004-10-20, Page 25Wednesday, October 20, 2004 Exeter Times–Advocate 25 Parents: learn to discipline your children By Scott Nixon TIMES -ADVOCATE STAFF STEPHEN — Parents have to let their children know who's in charge. That was one of the messages at a presentation by Ron Morrish at Stephen Central Oct. 12. Morrish's appear- ance was presented by the schools and school councils of Stephen, Exeter, Zurich, Hensall and Usborne. Morrish, a behaviour consultant, author and speaker with a teaching background, travels across North America working with teachers, parents and students on discipline. He described himself as passionate about what discipline can do for children. "When discipline is done well, it becomes invisible and runs smoothly," Morrish said. The problem is, he said, new parenting theories keep moving further away from discipline and the practices of common sense. While most students may think discipline is about pun- ishment and losing rights, Morrish said those things have little to do with discipline; in fact, discipline is about learning to behave properly. Morrish said there are two roads that can be taken in discipline: one for those who want their children made miserable, and one for parents who want their children to behave properly. "Those are very different paths," Morrish said, adding correction and teaching should be used rather than dishing out consequences to children. "We are so far away from effective discipline," he said. Morrish is not in favour of parents strapping their chil- dren or using a belt on them, comparing it to assault. As for spanking, Morrish said parents should be "very care- ful." He said spankings usually happen at the end of the day when parents are frustrated and angry. Morrish then spoke on several parenting and teaching theories that simply didn't work. The first was "a permissiveness movement" with the philosophy that if you treat children how you want to be treated, they will turn out fine. Parents and teachers were instructed not to say no to children, and to let them vent their anger. This led to spoiled children, Morrish said. "Have people completely lost their minds?" he asked. If you don't say no to children, they won't say no to themselves and things like smoking and drugs. Servants, not parents Morrish said until their children are 18 months old, "you weren't parents, you were servants." By 18 months, every baby thinks the world revolves around him or her. Parents have to show their parental authori- ty to their children by saying no to them and teaching them to wait for things. "This flips the child's world upside down," Morrish said, which leads to the "terrible twos." But parents have to persist and show their children who's in charge. Morrish said experts who say children have to be happy all the time are wrong. Catering to your children just to keep the peace will not work. Skipping the "terri- ble twos" means you'll get the "terrible teens." Morrish said parents shouldn't give in to temper tantrums, even in public. He urged parents to lay a foundation of discipline when children are young. Another parenting theory that came along stated that motivation and rewards were the keys for good behav- iour — things like treats, candies, stickers and paying children to do chores. This behaviour modification only teaches children to do things when it's advantageous to them, Morrish said, leading to selfish and greedy children. "Don't allow a day to go by where you don't insist your kids help out and make a contribution." He said children have to learn to think of others. Parents should use allowance to teach their children about money. Children should have three piggy banks — one for saving, one for spending and one for giving. Parents should then pay their children an extra allowance for doing extra chores. Another theory focussed on the rights of children and said they should have the same rights as adults. With this theory, children should make their own choices and learn things themselves. The parents' role was to encourage and reward their children for making good choices. Morrish said this theory gave children the opportunity to underachieve. He said children should be allowed to make choices, but only the ones they are able to make. "That's a lost art." Show authority Morrish said parents should be assertive and in con- trol when dealing with their children. "Learn to walk and talk with authority," he said, adding parents shouldn't plead with their children to do something. He said parents ask their children to do things when they should be telling them. "Who's running the show?" Morrish asked. Too often, it's the kids, he said. He also adds parents shouldn't be yelling at their chil- dren. They need to be in control of themselves and only raise their voices occasionally. "Small behaviours done right lead to big behaviours done right." Morrish said there are too many excuses for children today. "Behaviour is the only part of a child's development that we allow to deteriorate over time." He said in a Kindergarten to Grade 8 school, the Grade 7 and 8 stu- dents should be the best behaved — usually the opposite is true. "What happened to expecting growth out of our kids?" Grade 7 and 8 students need to develop leadership skills and demonstrate maturity, Morrish said. "Be part of the solution, not the problem." He urged parents and teachers to work together to guide children. "Let's have high expectations for the kids," he said. School board eyes rumours of capital funding strategy By Stew Slater SPECIAL TO THE T -A SEAFORTH — Rumblings of a new Education Ministry strate- gy for distributing capital funds have members of the Avon Maitland District School Board dreaming of the day when, even though they may still be forced to reduce the num- ber of schools in the dis- trict, they could relocate students into brand new facilities. "I went through an accommodation review, and ... it is very hard on communities," recalled trustee Shelley Kaastra, during a meeting Oct. 12. But the Central Huron representative, one of the main forces behind a community group which convinced the board to reverse its decision to close Holmesville elemen- tary school in 2002, added things might have been different if parents hadn't realized their children would be transferred into an existing school, with its own maintenance and renovation challenges. Transferring to a brand new facility, on the other hand, would be "an easi- er pill to swallow," Kaastra commented. The discussion arose after a report from Avon Maitland staff, informing trustees that recommen- dations will be brought forward in late October regarding the board's annual accommodation review process. According to that report, no schools will be recommended for closure by the fall of 2005, with the only major pro- posed change being the relocation of students from Stratford's aging Avon elementary school to the recently -vacated (due to the placement of the city's Grades 7 and 8 stu- dents into secondary schools) but much newer King Lear facility. That doesn't rule out the possibility of more drastic recommendations coming forward in the winter or spring of 2005, however, for possible implementa- tion in the fall of 2006. Education director Geoff Williams told trustees the intervening months may allow for the clarification of several "uncertainties" — including the amount of money being provided under some recently - announced provincial funding initiatives, the exact format of the gov- ernment's new rural edu- cation funding strategy, and the details of the Education Ministry's over- haul of its accommodation review guidelines. Regardless of the out- come of those issues, said business superintendent Janet Baird -Jackson, "the conclusions (of this year's accommodation review) remain the same as the conclusions we've had for some time about the dis- trict: declining enrolments will remain our chief chal- lenge. "We're challenged fiscal- ly with trying to maintain the structural integrity of schools and upgrade pro- grams," she said, adding the maintenance and enhancement of rural schools generally poses the biggest challenge because they tend to be both smaller and more affected by enrolment declines than their urban counterparts. "It's a juggling act," Baird -Jackson said. In a later interview, she added, "so far, our facilities folks have done a really good job of maintaining the integrity of our buildings. But it gets increasingly dif- ficult every year." The government's new accommodation review (which, in its most drastic form, translates into school closure) guidelines are expected some time in November. According to Baird - Jackson, there have been rumours that, along with that announcement, the Education Ministry will also announce a new strategy for distributing capital funds aimed at either upgrading or replacing aging facilities. That could be good news for the Avon Maitland board which, according to the report recommending the Avon/King Lear sce- nario, "is at a critical stage in the life cycle of its school buildings." With an average age of about 42 years among its schools, "with many considerably older . . . upkeep and renewal costs can be expected to increase dra- matically." It's also a suggestion both Kaastra and vice - chairperson Randy Wagner were eager to hear more about. Wagler, who represents a district in which science teachers at South Huron District High School waited seven years between the identifi- cation of the need to upgrade laboratories and the time those upgrades were recently completed, wondered if such a strate- gy might allow the board to "close deteriorating schools so new ones can be built." A short distance along Highway 8 from the board's Seaforth offices, that's exactly what hap- pened for the Huron -Perth Catholic District School Board, based in Dublin. That board is currently tapping into an existing Education Ministry pro- gram dubbed "prohibitive to repair" to close and reconstruct aging elemen- tary schools in Clinton and the Listowel area. According to architectural assessments under the previous Conservative government's program, St. Joseph (Clinton) and St. Mary's (Hesson) elemen- tary schools were deemed to be in such poor shape that it would cost more to repair them than it would to replace them. So con- struction of two new schools has begun. Meanwhile, the Avon Maitland board was forced into extensive upgrades at such not - quite -so -old secondary schools as St. Mary's DCVI and F.E. Madill in Wingham, to meet con- temporary fire code regu- lations. Avon school will require upgrades of simi- lar proportions, if it remains open. Yet, according to Baird - Jackson, "they're really not close to triggering pro- hibitive to repair funding." In short, the business superintendent said after the Oct. 12 meeting, "it would be really nice for the government to come out with a strategy to renew old buildings." And, if Kaastra is cor- rect, such a strategy might also make it a lot easier for school boards to con- vince the rural and small- town public about the merits of closing schools in this era of declining enrol- ment. Distribution for the annual Canadian Red Cross Coats for Kids program was held in several locations throughout Huron County last weekend. Locally, coats were distributed at the Exeter United Church. From left are volunteers Nancy Corrigan,Tom Lessard and Marion White.About 250 items were donated in Exeter, with 38 people receiving items like backpacks and coats. (photo/Scott Nixon)