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The Times Advocate, 2004-04-21, Page 3636 Exeter Times–Advocate Wednesday, April 21, 2004 Panel discusses the many issues surrounding teens By Scott Nixon TIMES -ADVOCATE STAFF EXETER — Those in attendance at a community forum at South Huron District High School last week learned just what influences teens face everyday. The school council hosted "Teenagers: Under the Influence" April 15 before an audience of about 40. A panel of experts discussed the tragic results of bullying, alcohol and drug abuse, sexual health and how parents should deal with their teens. As moderator Bonnie Baynham said, the school hopes there will be a number of future forums on issues affecting teens. Baynham, the community development co-ordinator for Huron County, said last week's forum resulted from a number of discussions with the school council regarding student behaviour and bully- ing. It was the last presentation of the two- hour meeting that hit home the hardest. Cindy Wesley spoke about how her 14 - year -old daughter Dawn -Marie commit- ted suicide Nov. 10, 2000, in her bed- room in Mission, B.C., in reaction to bul- lying at school. In an emotional presenta- tion, Wesley spoke of the devastation bul- lying can have on a teen's life. Wesley said she remembers talking to her daughter in Dawn -Marie's bedroom the night before she hanged herself. "Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen," Wesley said. The next night, Wesley's son found Dawn -Marie's body in her bedroom. Also found was a suicide note, which stated, "three girls are going to kill me, mom. I love you." An investigation showed three girls had been bullying Dawn -Marie. One of the girls, an RCMP officer's daughter, called Dawn -Marie the night of her suicide and threatened to kill her. Wesley later found out the girls were bullying her daughter because they did- n't like the way she laughed. Wesley, now a member of Parents Against Violence Everywhere (PAVE), has shared her story many times, including appear- ances on Vicki Gabereau and Oprah Winfrey. After her daughter's tragedy, she learned about other stories of bully- ing, including a 10 -year-old who commit- ted suicide after being bullied. "Bullying is a societal issue," Wesley said. She said children being bullied need to talk about it and get help. Dawn -Marie didn't come forward because she was afraid it would only make things worse. "Dawn -Marie had a choice to make that night and she made the wrong choice," Wesley said. Wesley added suicide is the number one cause of death among teens. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Wesley said she felt a failure as a par- ent after her daughter committed suicide. "You say, `I must have messed up.' But I know that when she left, she loved me and I loved her." Wesley explained to the audience that not only are those who do the bullying responsible, so are the bystanders — those who know what is going on but don't do anything about it. "I have a passion to try to stop bully- ing," she said, adding youth need to be taught respect and compassion. "We can solve this as a society working together." Now living in her native Woodstock with her husband and their son, Wesley said bullying is illegal, but the laws aren't working for youth. "What my child had to endure at school, none of you would have to put up with at work," she said. Wesley speaks to children in hopes Dawn -Marie's story will make bullies realize how mean they are. "I don't have all the answers. If I did, Dawn -Marie would still be here." Of the three girls who stood trial in Dawn -Marie's case, one was convicted of criminal harassment, one was placed on probation and the third was acquitted. Drugs and alcohol Another topic discussed last week was drug and alcohol use among teens. Marla Banning of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health explained results from surveys on what substances teens are using. An Ontario student drug use survey showed 66 per cent of teens use alcohol, 19 per cent use tobacco, 29 per cent use cannabis and 4.8 per cent have used cocaine. In all cases, the use was much lower than what members of the audi- ence guessed. "I don't have all the answers. If I did, Dawn - Marie would still be here." — CINDY WESLEY, WHOSE DAUGHTER COMMITTED SUI- CIDE IN NOVEMBER 2000 In the 2003 drug use sur- vey, Banning said there is good news in that six drugs decreased in use between 1999 and 2003. Use of cigarettes, LSD, magic mushrooms and methamphetamines are down. Ecstasy, popular in the 1990s, is also on the decline. Another positive from the survey is that the majority of those who used drugs did- n't do so regularly. The one increase is in cocaine use, which increased one percentage point. Also students are starting to smoke at a later age —13 instead of the previous 11. On the negative side, more students binge drink than they used to, one in five students drives after using pot, one in seven drives after drinking and over 25 per cent of students get into a vehicle dri- ven by someone who has been drinking. Banning also said the perceptions about the risks of using drugs and alcohol seem to be weakening. She outlined several indicators parents can use to determine if their child is using drugs: • they have suspicious objects like lighters or matches; • they undergo changes in behaviour or appearance; • they start skipping school and grades drop; • there's a decrease in activity in school clubs and sports; • they sleep more and want more money. On the flip side, though, Banning said non -drug using teens may also undergo similar changes. She said parents and social workers need to do more work with teens who aren't using drugs. "Let's learn from them," she said. Sexual health Shelley Spencer, a public health nurse with the Huron County Health Unit, works in the communicable disease and sexual health areas. She is part of a pilot project at F.E. Madill in Wingham which offers clinical services to students. At Madill, focus groups have helped Spencer learn what issues students are most con- cerned about. Drugs, alcohol and sexual health are at the top of the list, she said. Spencer explained results from a 2002 Canada Youth and AIDS Study and com- pared the findings to a 1989 study. Both studies involved Grades 7, 9 and 11 stu- dents. Spencer said coping skills and self esteem have dropped since 1989 and many students spoke about participating in party games and engaging in rebel- lious behaviour. In the 2002 study, two- thirds of Grade 7 students and half of Grade 9 students didn't know there is no cure for HIV/AIDS. Some thought there was a vaccine. In general, the students in the 2002 study had lower levels of sexual knowl- edge than those in the 1989 study. Spencer said it isn't exactly known why knowledge has gotten worse. Sexual health is taught in the schools. Other facts Spencer discussed include: • risky behaviour among teens will carry with them into their adult years; • adolescent pregnancy is on the rise, which has physical, emotional and finan- cial consequences. Canada's rates of teen pregnancy are higher than many devel- oped countries. Over 42,000 women aged 15-19 become pregnant each year in Canada; • the younger a girl starts having sex, the more partners she will have and the higher the risk of sexual disease; • a 2002 report from the World Health Organization said of the top ten major health risks in the world, unsafe sex was number two. "This is a huge issue world- wide," Spencer said. Locally, she said there have been increases in sexually transmitted infec- tions. There are high rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea in youth in Canada and syphilis is coming back. So what can parents do? Spencer said parents need to talk to their children at home about sexual health. "You were their first teach- ers," she said, encouraging parents to pass along their family's beliefs, values and morals to their children. Parenting Dana Bozzato, a social worker and office manager at the Huron -Perth Centre in Clinton, told parents to "trust your instincts." Bozzato, who works with many families and teens, said issues of depression and anxiety among teens are high. She said many of the teens she deals with tell her they are worried about issues at home, such as problems between their parents. Another common problem she sees is "teens out of control." Bozzato said par- ents have to maintain open communica- tions with their children and prevent them from slipping into what she called, the "second family" — the world of their peers. Bozzato said peers are important, but not as important as family. "Don't let them slip away," she said. "Keep your kids close to you ... look for ways to stay connected." In a package she prepared for the dis- cussion, Bozzato said parents need to set limits with their teens, enforce conse- quences, help them learn from their mis- takes and keep talking to them. She said teens need time and attention, guidance, respect, values and a role model from their parents. "It's OK for parents to say `I am in charge. I'm not going to let this happen anymore,"' Bozzato said. "Parenting isn't a popularity contest." Baynham, who helped kickstart the Exeter Youth Centre, added that when she was working at a youth centre in London, many teens told her they didn't think anyone at home cared about them. "In many cases, parents hadn't set boundaries for their kids," she said. There are many organizations that can help parents with issues, including the Parent Help Line at 1-888-603-9100, and Huron Safe Homes for Youth at 1-800- 361-1640. Future forums South Huron intends to hold more com- munity forums next fall on the many other issues involving teens. University of Western Ontario professor Michael Katchabaw was scheduled to appear last week to speak about the effects on teens of violence in video games, but couldn't attend due to illness. He will speak at a future forum. "Keep your kids close to you ... look for ways to stay connected?' — DANA BOZZATo, HURON -PERTH CENTRE Exeter student heads to provincials By Mary Simmons TIMES -ADVOCATE STAFF EXETER — One girl's story about her great- grandfather's experience in the First World War is taking her to the provincial fmals in the Royal Canadian Legion's Youth Public Speaking Contest. Charlotte Anderson, a Grade 5 student at Exeter Public School, has progressed through Anderson the branch, zone, district and area fmals of the Grades 4-6 section of the public speaking com- petition. Both the branch and zone competitions were held in Exeter at R.E. Pooley Branch 167. Anderson travelled to Kincardine to compete at the district level and was in Graven-hurst last weekend at the area competition. She will say her speech, entitled 'My War Hero' one more time at the provincials in Toronto May 1. "The subject of Charlotte's speech is notable for its original theme which is surprisingly appropriate to the tenets of the Legion," said first vice-president Ron Helm. "Her presentations have been made with a poise and feeling that would do justice to many her senior in years." Charlotte's mother, Frances, said her daugh- ter's speech tells a powerful story, which is well told. The subject of the speech, Andrew Austin Anderson, was a decorated war veteran who went through the gas warfare of the First World War as a soldier in the 58th Battalion of the Canadian Expeditionary Force. "We're thankful to the legion for continuing to support public speaking," Frances said, adding the branch has also helped out by providing transporta- tion, meals and accommodation at competitions. Helm said the Exeter Legion was pleased to select Charlotte as the winner of its branch contest and had every confidence she would do well as she competed against the best of contestants from other branch fmal- ists. "Her success in the zone, district and area contests has justified our confidence that Charlotte would progress well with her speech," Helm said. "The branch will be supporting Charlotte when she competes in the provincial fmals and wishes her continued success." Grass fire found next to trail EXETER — On April 12 at 3:45 p.m. OPP were contacted about a grass fire behind a residence on Wellington Street in Exeter. The fire hap- pened approximately one hour before it was reported to police when smoke was spotted coming from an area where a walking trail comes closer to the residence. The South Huron Fire Department put out the fire after about one acre of grass was burnt. OPP are looking to speak with three teenagers seen in the area at the time of the fire. The three teens, two males and one female, left the area suddenly when the fire started. Officers are looking for a female who was wearing a white puffy vest over a long sleeved black sweater and two males, both wearing gray sweaters. High winds helped spread the fire quickly. If you have information on this incident please call the Exeter OPP office or contact Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477 (TIPS) with your information.