Loading...
Zurich Herald, 1947-04-17, Page 2RIPST IN FUN Familiar Pattern A proud and happy young man hurrying down the street to his business met neighbor Brown. "Congratulate me, Brown," he cried, "we have a new baby girl in our house." "I'm glad to hear it," said Brown. "And she is very beautiful." "Indeed she is," replied the young father. "And she is very intelligent," added Brown, "See here, Brown," asked the now suspicious young father, "how do you know so much about our baby?" "I have six or my own," was the calm reply. Almost Plenty "Boy," said the busy business man, "can you change a dollar bill?" "Well, yes sir, in a way, sort of," replied the frank lad. "I can change it into about eighty-seven cents, sir." Found The absent-minded professor was having a physical examination'. "Stick out your tongue and say `ah,'" commanded the doctor. "Ab," obeyed the professor. "It looks all right," nodded the M.D., 'but why the postage stamp?" "Oh -ho," said the professor. "So that's where I left it!" Just Interested Brown was awakened one night by a strange moaning outside his bedroom window. After lie had list- ened to it for some time he got up and looked out to see what was causing the weird sound. By this time Mrs. Brown was awake too, Sitting up in bed she c..11ed to her husband: "What is it,, John?" He replied in a hoarse whisper: "It looks like a ghost." "Oh, really?" she asked. "Any- body we knew?" HOLD EVERYTHING "But Buster, my headaches are different from yours!" Adequate Alibi Five-year-old William had been taught that Sunday is not a day for play, One Sunday morning his mother found him sailing his toy boat in the bathtub. "William," she said, "don't you know it is wicked to sail boats on Sunday?" "Don't get excited Mother," he replied. "This isn't a pleasure trip. This is a missionary boat going to Africa." 'lid Them Like Fish A boarder bought some sausages and asked his landlady to cook them for his breakfast. "How'll 1 cook them?" she asked. "Just fry 'em like fish," replied the lodger. The next morning, when the land- lady served them, she remarked: "1 hope you'll enjoy your breakfast, sir, but there's not much in these things when they're cleaned out." Perfectly Plain Passenger to porter while on train for New York) : "What time do we get to New York, George?" Porter: "We is due to get there at 1:15 unless you has set your watch for eastern time, which would make it 2:15. Then, of co'se if you is goin' by daylight savin' time, it would be 3:15, unless we is an hour an' fifty minutes late— which we is." SHIPSHAPE—Baudouys coil hawser on foredeck of their home. CORKING OFF — With three children snugly bunked, Mrs Baudouy has goodnight talk with fourth youngster. ALL ABOARD AND LODGING raced by France's critical housing shortage, Marcel. 13eudouy, French war veteran, bought a former British naval patrol boat and converted it into a home for his English wife, Sonia, and their children. As a member of the Free French forces during the war, he commanded a small torpedo boat. These pictures, taken by NEA correspondent Rede Henry, show Baudouy and his family at home afloat in the Seine River during recent sightseeing trip to the French capital. MESS CALL COMING — Mrs. Baudouy sets the dinner table while her husband keeps one son amused and other children await dinner bell, Ulster Sends Vast Supplies Of Food To U.K. In peace, as in war, Ulster sends immense supplies of food to Great Britain. The figures for 1046, just published, show how great is this contribution to the national larder —particularly welcome in these days of world shortages and con- tinued rationing. For a number of years Ulster has helped materially to meet the milk shortage in Scotland during the winter months. Supplies have been progressively increased until some three million gallons of Ulster milk are sent across the Irish Sea each, year, the cash value being about £250,000. Cattle and Sheep Last year fat cattle and sheep to the value of £5,357,000 were ship- ped from Ulster to Great Britain. In the same period the shipments of eggs totalled 311,000,000, repre- senting a value of £4,200,000. The value of Ulster's egg production for the year exceeded £5,000,000. Before the present season ends Ulster will have shipped from the 1946 crop' 330,000 tons of ware potatoes, value £2,000,000, besides 110,000 tons of ware potatoes, worth more than £1,000,000, sent to Great Britain and elsewhere. Poultry supplies from Ulster last year amounted to 9,400,000 pounds weight—quite a substantial contri- bution to cross -Channel luncheon and dinner tables. Ryegrass Seed Farmers in Great Britain depend almost entirely upon Ulster for the ryegrass seed which they sow every year. In 1946, 295,000 cwt of this seed, all of which had to conform to the highest standards of purity and germination was supplied. On the average Ulster sends to Great Britain apples ranging in annual value from £300,000 to £ 1,000,000. Although the production of pigs in Ulster has had to be drastically curtailed owing to the shortage of feeding stuffs, the farmers are ready, as soon as the opportunity presents itself, to restore pig pro- duction rapidly and to recover for the Ulster bacon industry the high place it formerly held on the British market. CRACK-UPS By Irving Roir • iM "It's nice to be ar you and just relax." ICE ego E Where It Is Needed Thanks to the Russians, the Sal- vation Army is being barred from Germany. But what region needs salvation more? —London Free Press Britain's Strength Britain, it is occasionally pointed out, may astonish the world by her recovery. Her failure to recover would astonish us more. —Sault Daily Star U.K. Coming Along The remarkable reconversion feat of United Kingdom automobile' in- dustry is underlined by the - an- nouncement that production is' al- ready 95 per cent. that of prewar. —Ottawa Citizen War and Peace Costly The modern war is as expensive to win as to lose. —Brandon Sun Primary Responsibility Don't do all your cussing at the Communists who hold seats in par- liament or official positions in the ranks of organized Labor , ,', The first criticism should be of the people who would elect such candi- dates to parliament or permit them to direct and control the policies of labor unions , , , The Reds wouldn't sit in our halls of parliament and in the high offices of Labor if the people did not put them there... That is where the real danger lies. —St. Thomas Times -Journal Yes, Where? We still have that fine Canadian sentiment to live and let live—but where? —Brandon Sun Modern Day Skeptics A direct descendant of Christo- pher Columbus plans to sail his yacht to America, We must warn him, though, that this time it is learned economists who hold, the world is flat, —Winnipeg Tribune Apron Brides You can safely bet on a girl's wedding if she starts her married life with more kitchen aprons than lounging robes. —Guelph Mercury ADOGSGOTTAHAVEANAME Whatchagotna package? Sahook. Wassanaimovit? Sadicicshunery. Wife gonna getta- pleeeedog angottagettanairnferim. —Kanawha, Iowa, Reporter. Teachers in Politics In Alberta's GO -member Legisla- ' ture, there are no fewer than 14 teachers, of whom 12 belong to the • Social Credit Party. It would be correct, we think, to say that teach- ers play a larger role in Alberta's ` political life than they play in the political life of any other province, and that this condition has existed since 1935. —Calgary Herald Old Saying Extended The old saying about a fool and his money still holds good, but mil - of intelligent people are also learning that they and their money are soon parted nowadays. —Kingston Whig -Standard Apple Sense At a meeting held in St, Thomas commercial fruit -growers approved a plan to dispose of cull apples, so that none but better grades would be offered to the public. The deci- sion was wise and far-sighted; if the growers adhere to it, Ontario apples should regain the preferred place they once held in the fruit market. —Kitchener Whig -Standard, Junior Escapes Because he h ad been playing marbles and was slipping in late, a Sudbury youngster discovered a fire and his school was saved from disaster, For • the life of us we can't figure out any way of convert- ing the incident into an opportunity to lecture Junior. —Sault Daily Star. Desperate Woman A schoolteacher in New Hamp- shire has resigned from her job in order to marry a millionaire. Of course, if schoolteachers continue to be underpaid, they will do these desperate things from time to time. —Peterborough Examiner. U.K. Production UP In Many Industries It should be pointed out that sweeping statements to the effect that the British industrial plant is obsolete should be taken with a Iarge grain of salt. Certain indus- tries such as mining and textiles have not kept pace with the mech- anization of similar industries in other countries. However, in other fields Britain leads the world. The tremendous production of motors, machine tools and electrical equip- ment, ships and vehicles of all kinds during the war is indication enough that Britain is far from hacictvarcl industrially, --Winnipeg Tribune. Some Wild Animals Multiply Abnormally uring War Years There are many examples of wild a n i in a 1 s multiplying abnormally while man makes war, says The Manchester Guardian. During the Spanish Civil War and in France 1914-19 and 1939-46, wild swine be- came a serious nuisance, and even in Britain foxes were unusually numerous and destructive between 1940 and 1946. But the scale of the field mice "plague" in parts of Poland does seem to be exception- al. It is reported that, as a result of . the multiplication of field mice, more than 1,000,000 acres are pro- ducing less than 30 per cent of what they should. There are said to be about 3,000 mice to the acre over large areas, and as many as 40 or 50 mice may sometimes be counted running in front of the bloodstained plowshares. The trou- ble is believed to arise from lack ' of cultivation—complete lack dur- ing some war years and too shallow plowing since. It is hoped that deep plowing by Unrra tractors may im- prove the situation. Animals Groomed By Vacuum Cleaners A United hingdom firm has de- veloped a new use for suction clean- ers—that of grooming animals, A special machine which it has pro- duced for this purpose is mounted on a small push handle base fitted with caterpillar tracks for mobility and capable of being driven either by a minature petrol engine or by a 1.5 horsepower motor. The filter container has a removable top, thus enabling the internal dust bag to be emptied. Equipment includes an assortment of cleaning tools and brushes. Enlightenment "Of course," said the lecturer, turning to the chairman of the meeting, "you all know what the inside of a corpuscle looks like." "I guess most of 'us do," said the chairman, "but you'd better explain for those that haven't been inside one." Von tvlll Enjoy it.,ying Al The Si. Regis Hotel TORONTO 6^j Every Room .'With (lath Shower and Telephone Single, $2.50 op— Double, $3.50 np Good Food. 121ning and Done - log; Nightiy Sberbournc at Carlton Tel. RA. 4185 AlEROMMEr VilEMEW R0031S fEAUTIFULL4 FURNISHED $1.50 up HOTEL METROPOLE NIAGARA FALLS OPP. — C.N.R. STATION RAE .:ra ®L11G WE BY RUBBING IN Brings quick relief.. Greaseless, fast -drying, no strong . odor. Largo, economical silo, 05c ROLL YOUR OWN BETTER CIGARETTES w,nH CIGARETTE T BA CO POP -Hard Part Done By J. MILLAR WATT , -64e-rratoLs gid1 TURNING A Srirr 1.5, OF,,;Gt7UlZS - - 'Y! 11~ POLI is ° "'NAT GNOUL-DN T Ek,kr Olfi'FIGULT"--,,• rte, t c " --MONS ARE INglo>✓ our AI.RflAbY ! '; 1.7.--,,,CIt (a.).M.A 5y Th. notlyMelc.te. ler) .,;'`,,,,... ....-...,.;:1''`:':-.. ,•. �' • w.�'a="".