HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1947-02-06, Page 6X14
Absent "T"
The perfect pun is said to have
bad its origin in the House of Com-
mons An Irishman made a State-
ment which called from an English
opponent the try, "Treason!"
The Irishman replied: "I would
have the honorable gentleman
know that what is treason in Eng-
land becomes reason in Ireland—
because of the absentee"
Took a Stroll
A. henpecked husband reached
the end of his patience and, after
a final row with his wife, took his
bowler hat from the peg in the hall
and said, "I'm going."
Three years later he returned
and his wife demanded, "Where on
earth have you been?"
"Out," he replied, and hung his
hat on the salve peg,
Be Reasonable
Guest: "Look here! How long
must I wait for the half portion of
duck I ordered?"
Waiter: "Till somebody orders
the other half. We can't go out and
kill half a duck."
1.111016.*
The Best Way
Fitznook: "How do you find
business, sir?"
Mr. Hustle: "I go out and look
for it, sirs"
Exciting
After a successful business
career, Robinson retired to lead the
life of a country gentleman.
One of their new neighbors, call-
ing on Mrs, Robinson, remarked:
"I hear your husband has taken
tip hunting. Do you approve of
that?"
"I don't know about approving,"
said the sportsman's wife, "but it
makes life more exciting. We never
know which to expect home first—
my
irstmy husband or the horse."
No Secrets
A bombastic man met his hen-
pecked friend, whose face suggest-
ed a recent accident
"How did this happen?" his
friend asked.
"My wife . "
"Your wife? Ah, evidently you
have not acquired the secret of
married bliss. I never have a row
with my wife. I have no secrets
from her."
"Neither have I1" the other
sighed. "That's the trouble, I only
thought I had!"
Fifty -Fifty
Dunninger, who likes to be
known as "the master mentalist"
called on Blackstone, who doesn't
snind being known as a plain magi-
cian, When Dunninger arrived, he
found the magician ransacking the
bedroom for a white tie.
"You're the great mind reader,"
Blackstone finally exploded. "Sup-
pose you tell me where I put that
Dunninger concentrated.
"It's in that box," he said.
'Blackstone hurriedly went
through the box, found the tie
which he held up scornfully. "You
are a fine mind reader," he said.
"It's black."
Dunninger shrugged.
"If you're any kind of magician,"
he answered, "you can change it
into a white one."
HE'S A "HUSKY"
He's a Husky, member a the last
Pedieval guild to survive in modern
aris. Huskies carry produce to
and from the Central Market, and,
In their floppy, wide-brimrned hats
(to keep moisture from fish crates
etc., from running down their
alecks) and blue blouses they are
tourist attractions. The man above
is toting a crate of approximately
1000 eggs. For membership Huskies
require literacy, morality, ability to
carry 400 -pound load 05 yards with-
out a etruf;gle. They are petitioning
for civil servant status.
"HIRING FAIR" IN ENGLAND
In the city of Carlisle in England a novel- fair is held about twice
a year. It is called a hiring fair and as such has been 'operating
for many years. Farm laborers who want to work crowd High
Street and wait for an offer from a farmer in need of help. Many
generations of farm workers have stood on the stone steps of the
statue in the middle of the High Street waiting for an offer.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TRRI! U,S of the
* RO4R/N'
CAME
* "Victory" Wins
Another Victory
*
By BILLY ROSE
Sedgewick, AIta.
Canadian Curling Champion, 1946.
This is one of a series by out-
starfding Canadian curlers relat-
ing ,what they consider their
"most thrilling moment" in com-
petition. for the Macdonald's
Brier Tankard, representing the
Canadian single rink curling title.
While there are many thrilling
incidents I recall during the course
of the 1946 Brier at Saskatoon, two
of the 1946 Brier at Saskatoon, one
stands out in my memory very
vividly.
The "thriller"' occurred in the
first game my rink played against
Howard Palmer and his Calgary
Club rink in the Provincial finals
at Edmonton, Howard Palmer is
a wonderful curler and a swell fel-
low to boot. We had met in two
previous British Consol finals and
Howard had had much the best
of it, winning both.
In this year's final Howard was
three up going hone in the first
game of a best of three series.
When I went to throw niy last
rock he was lying in front of my
lead rock and it would take a very
accurate shot to displace his with-
out losing my back rock or rolling
out myself, I was lucky enough
to get the right "Broom." and
weight, making the shot to lay
three and tie the game, forcing an
extra end, In the extra end ray
rink sewed things up so tight that
neither Howard or myself could
do very much about it when our
turns came to shoot.
The. making of this shot, was
naturally quite a thrill to me and
no doubt to the hundreds of spec-
tators, but I believe tbat the mak-
ing of that shot also provided added
inspiration to the other members
of my rink to such an extent that
they went into the second and what
proved to be the final game with
plenty of confidence and this game
was not so close. It is also quite
possible that this 'shot coming as
it did when the game seemed over,
had somewhat of an adverse effect
on the playing of the Calgary boys
in the second game,
Al Consumers
Tucked away behind the big
news of the week was a little item
from Oshawa a few days ago stat-
ing that members of a C.Y.O. steel-
workers' union there tiad decided
to clip their own hair, now that
the price of haircuts had gone tip a
bit. What is so striking about the
news is that it places one set of
workers against another set of
workers, and proves so clearly that
every worker is, above all, a Con -
St Catharines Standard.
H.M.S. Victory has proved a
durable • as well as a famous ship.
Built in 1765, she is not only some
thirty years older than the Con-
stellation, dean of American war-
ships, but is eleven years senior to
the nited States itself. She has
survivedUstorm and shot, the -simple
iron projectiles from French and
Spanish guns and the bombs that
Nazi airmen rained aown on Ports-
mouth, says the New York Herald
Tribune. And now it appears that
this victoriotis symbol will be vic-
torious again—over beetles.,
The borer beetles were first re-
ported sapping the Victory's heart
of oak in 1930, and the campaign
against them began. It was not
as spectacular as Trafalgar, when
the Victory led a British squadron
into action and flew Nelson's fa-
mous signal, nor .did it have the
same significance for history. But
if it had been lost it would have
been just as fatal to the Victory
as if the gunners of Admiral Ville-
neuve's fleet had been more accur-
ate in their fire at Trafalgar. For-
tunately, D.D.T. came to the res-
cue; the insecticide was blown into
holes bored in the timbers, and
last year, it is reported, some 60,-
000 beetles a day succumbed. Now
there is reason to believe that "the
Victory has at least fifty years of
service left in her," which would,
'bring her to the ripe age of 231
years.
Maybe there is a moral here; •a
victory which sustains the shock of
battle must fight its hardest cam-
paign against insidious insects. Un-
fortunately, there is no scientific
formula for insecticide to safeguard
a victory of the spirit — indeed,
it is rather difficult .to get any
general agreement as to what is
worth saving and how to detect
the insects. But the effort is worth
making if the victory was worth
winning.
Fast Camera
A super -camera which can take a
picture, develop it and throw it on
a screen in 15 seconds automatic-
ally, is reported from the U.S., ac-
cording to The Financial Post. De-
signed secretly during the war, it
takes photographs at 1/10,000 -sec-
ond speed on special 16 min. film.
A container squirts chemicals, pre-
heated to 140 degrees F., on the
film; and a vacuum process handles
the rest of the job in nine seconds
flat.
BACK -SAVER
Hugh McEachern of Afton, N.S., believes in saving his back. Since
adding a third deck to his poultry house he has installed an elevator
by which feed goes up and he and the eggs come down.
'!' "►''ICE OF T ' ; E
a
1,11
Getting Skinned
Some mink coats are said to have
dropped 35 per cent in price to only
$4,000. Even a that a lot of the lads
that buy them are getting just as
much skinned as the mink.
—Owen Sound Sun -Times.
Shirtless Laundries
The shirt situation must be hope-
less. A hold up of a Chinese laun-
dry in Winnipeg did" not reveal one
man's shirt.
—Brandon Sun.
Straining at Gnats
We probably, shall never get over
our inferiority complex in respect
to scientific matters. Despite all the
elaborate explanations we . have
read, we still cannot ..understand
why it is necessary to use a twenty -
ton machine to break an atom, the
smallest particle of matter known.
—Windsor Star.
Portal -To -Portal
Asked why he wanted twobucks
for a 15 -minute snow -shovelling
job, the high school boy said there
was a front door and a back door,
thus making it portal-to-portal.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Know Your
Hockey Stars
By ED FITKIF
Heads don't come any harder
than the one owned by Joe Klukay,
rookie left-winger of the • Toronto
Maple Leafs. Young Mr. Klukay
has proved this
on at least two
occasions in the
past; twice in
amateur ranks
crashing head-
on into goal-
posts, being ren-
dered hors de
combat tempor-
arily and then
coming back
each time to
score the winning goal.
* * *
The rawboned winger, a gradu-
ate of Pittsburgh Hornets, was
born at . Sault Ste., Marie, Nov. 6,
1922, is an inch shy of the 6 -foot
mark and weighs 180. He. gained
his hockey schooling in, the .Soo,
playing two seasons with the
Junior "B" team of that city and
helping them to the Northern
O.H.A. championship in 1941-42.
* * *
A standout with Stratford's
Junior "A" team in 1042-43, Klukay
turned pro with the Leafs before
the season ended and managed to
squeeze into the Stanley Cup fin-
als against Detroit as a temporary
replacement for Sweeney Schriner.
:k * *
Klukay joined the RCNVR in
April, 1943, and qualified as a Phy-
sical Training Instructor with the
rank of Able Seaman. Joe played
hockey with Toronto Navy in
1943-44 and the following season
was a star with the H.M.C.S. Corn-
wallis team, Maritime service cham-
pions.
* * -
Throughout the 1045-40 season,
Klukay played a starring role for
the Pittsburgh Hornets in the
American Hockey League. His
rugged play and scoring punch
netted him 26 goals and 23 assists
for 49 points, in 57 league games.
In six playoff engagements, Joe
bagged 4 goals and one assist,
With One Exception
Kingston Whig -Standar 1- s a y s
"there is probably nothing as cold
as a•fish." Excepting Mother's eye,
when Father, instead of being his
age, tries to be ."the life of the
party."
—Ottawa Citizen.
Can't Be Too Bad
Some wheat -growers and politi-
cians are. making a fuss about the
British -Canadian wheat contract.
But it can't be such a bad thing, for
the apple -growers of Nova Scotia
are asking Canada to make a simi-
lar deal with apples.
—Niagara Falls Review.
Too Much
A whiskey made of aviation gas
by Jap bootleggers is pronounced
a failure. It is better so. A jet-pro-
pelled drunk would be more than
the highway traffic could bear.
—Winnipeg Tribune.
It's a Gift
A Hamilton woman celebrating
her 100th birthday says she has
been too busy to learn to drink.
With some people it's a gift, seems
to take no learning.
—Ottawa Journal.
Deserves Medal
A 90 -year-old Toronto nt a n
should get that city's "Man of the
Year" accolade. He hasn't missed
casting a ballot in any civic,. pro-
vincial or federal election since he
was 21, and that was in 1877.
• St.Catharines Standard.
But They Don't Know
Already an unusually large num-
ber of multiple births have been re-
corded this new year. If babies
knew what a lough world this
now, they wouldn't be flocking to
it in droves.
—Kitchener Record.
Small Courtesies
We do not suggest that young-
sters should be trained to call their
elders Sir and Ma'am, or instructed
in any elaborate code of etiquette,
says the Ottawa Journal. It is a
pity, though, that a boy should
grow into a youth,. and the youth
into a man, without having come to
an instinctive knowledge and use of
the small courtesies which do so
much to smooth the rough edges of
our crowded lives.. The lad who
forces his way first into a tram and
sits while women stand is not to be
blamed too much—he doesn't know
any better. But somebody is to
blame for a duty neglected.
Long Overdue
Improvement in rail travel, long.
overdue, are bound to conte in -
10.47 -48,
n1947-48, with .2,800 lightweight.,
streamlined cars (equivalent to 400'
fast trains) on order. They'll have
such built-in comforts as filtered
air, sound -deadening, balanced de-
sign for smoother ride, dome.
"vistas", bedrooms to replace, up-
pers and lowers..
—Pathfinder.
ti
ACK
Backache is often caused by ?ay Utley
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backache, headache, rheumatic pain, dis-'
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Time -tested, popular, safe, non -habit-form-
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