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HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1947-01-30, Page 6► r r` JUST IN FUN Be Economical ` Donald .and Mary decided to Adopt a child, and asked at the Orphanage for a little girl, One Was produced and l4fary was about to close the bargain when Donald tapped her shoulder. "Mary," he whispered, "let's have a boy. Hae ye forgotten the lad's cap we found in the train?" Now He's For It "Look here, Sarah," said the master of the house, "how many more times have I to tell you about those cobwebs? I've just had to sweep one off the bed -rail and throw it into the fire myself." "Good gracious; sir," exclaimed the maid, "that's the missus' fancy dress for tonight's dance!" Ought To Know "What's this I hear, Flight - Lieutenant? I'm told you were so drunk last night that you pushed t wheelbarrow through the native ' garter. Is that the way to keep ep our prestige with these peo- ple?" "You ought to know, sir. You were in the barrow." Answer That One A mother had been telling her small son some of the "facts of life." Finally she said. "Now, my boy, are there any questions you would like to ask? Anything at all, don't be afraid." After a little heavy thinking the boy replied: "Well, yes, there's something I've 'been wanting to know for a long time. Just how do they make bricks?" How? You can ask one more ques- tion," said the almost exasperated father, "but make it short" "Well," replied his small son, "when a doctor gets sick and an- other doctor doctors him, does the doctor doing the doctoring have to doctor the doctor the way the doc- tor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring of the doctor doctor in his own way?" Never Heard Of It Specialist: "This eccentricity you speak of in your daughter—isn't it, after all, a matter of heredity?" Mother (severely) : "*o, sir! I'd have you know there never was any heredity in our family!" Tried Anyway A young man whose knowledge of cards was vague was roped in to complete a bridge four. He committed his first mistake by throwing away a king on a trick already taken by his oppon- ent's ace. "Good Heavens!" bellowed the young man's partner, "a king does not usually beat an ace." "I know," stammered the begin- ner, "but I thought I'd let it have a try." h NABOB About nine times out of ten a woman will respond to a question by asking another question. A Bargain A young man walked into the outfitting shop and asked if he could have a suit the same as the one in the window. The assistant asked him if he would like the one in the window. "Yes," replied the man, "if I can have it second-hand!" "Second-hand! Whatever for?" "Well, that chap in the window has had it on six months, and I thought it would be much cheaper, and no coupon required." The Jockey's Method "Jockey, how do you manage to bring in so many winners?" "Well, suh, it's jest like dis—I whispers in de horse's ear: 'Roses are red, violets are blue; and hosses what loses are made into glue'." Or Just Pay Up The late Sir Robert Ball, besides being a great astronomer, was a horn humorist, and was never loath to recount a joke at his own expense. He was dinrng with some friends at Stratford, and on the bill being presented, he said to the landlady: "Madame, I am going to give you a lesson in astronomy. In 25,000,000 years all things must return to their original condition. We shall all be here again eating a dinner precisely identical, Will you give us credit until we conte barl:?" "Well," replied the land- lady, "you were here 25,000,000 years ago, and You left without paying the bill then. •Settle that ac- count and I will trust you for what you have had today." TRACTOR POWER SPEEDS TILLAGE TO FEED WORLD'S HUNGRY MILLIONS The necessity for reaching a maxi• mum in agricultural output has re- ' suited in the marketing of a quan- tity of new farm machinery to put the world acreage under efficient tillage so as to be able to feed hungry millions. Pictured here are a few new pieces of machinery as they are put to work all over the world. Centre, right: Canada supplied this binder, shown at work in Italian fields, Below, right: A terracer about to go to work in an: Australian soil conservation program. Left: Tractors help immensely in solving British labor problems. Here the farmer's youngest son is learning to plow with one. • OZMinitks ..�k9`�' .74\...:.v+:...,t�IDR rq:4ret^, t .s.a>v.•e:..•a.. s,n.:. Know Your Hockey Stars By Ed Fitkin Memories of those glittering nights when Harvey (Busher) Jackson was "The Lindbergh of the Ice Lanes" for the Toron- to Maple Leafs will likely come flooding back this winter when hockey fans view Vic Lynn, rookie left-winger, in Vic Lynn action. The 21- Left Wing year-old Saska- toon boy not only bears a strong facial and phy- sical resemblance to the immortal Busher but also zips down the ice in Jacksonian manner. * * * Lynn comes to the Leafs with the highest recommendations of all those who played with him and against him when he was with Buf- falo last year in the American Hockey League. Max. Kaminsky and Johnny Mitchell, the hockey brains of our Pittsburgh farm team, describe him as a rugged in- dividual who never stops battling. "He was the roughest, toughest guy in the American League last year," is the way Max and John put it. After one glimpse of Lynn in action, Leaf officials were of the same opinion. Conn Smythe part- ed with two players to acquire him from the Bisons and thinks young Vic should fit in nicely with plans to produce a rugged, battling To- ronto Team. a * * Despite his youth, Lynn is a sea- soned minor league player. He turned pro with Indianapolis Caps in the American Hockey League in 1942-43 and was a standout for the Caps for two seasons. In 1944- 45 he was with St. Louis FIyers but was purchased by the Bisons prior to the start of the 1945-46 season. Cold figures illustrate that Vic was a mighty useful puckchaser for the Bisons last winter. The official re- cords credit him with 26 goals and 25 assists for Si points in 53 league games but Art Chapman, coach of the champion Bisons, points out that Lynn, while listed as playing in 53 games, actually saw full-time service in only 46 to 48. "He ran into a rib injury and was out for quite a few games and then when he did get back on skates we used him sparingly for a couple of weeks," Art explained, * * * Lynn was a standout in playoff competition, too, and in the 12 games the Bisons required to win the A.H.L. championship, he scored five goals and had five assists for 10 points. Indicative of his rugged play, he drew 60 minutes in penal- ties in league games and 10 min- utes during uin-utes.during the playoffs. B -Day Coming Demonstrating new automobiles —that friendly ;American tradition established before the days of fa- bulous "waiting lists", and now scarcely more than a dim reeollec- tion of prewar days -- is being re- vived. Looking forward to B -Day (that's Buyer's Day, when the shoe is expected to be on the other foot), dealers of one popular -make car are already giving prospective purchas- ers a free ride. Collective Farming Discouraging to Owners of Far .:15 We doubt if the people of Britain as a whole will take much satisfac- tion out of the threat of collective farming—for that is what the so- cialization plan envisages. In' nine cases out of 10 the farmer knows his land better, the requirements of his crops better, knows the tim- ing of the various operations from seeding to harvest better than any academic farmer who happens to find a place on the bureau which is to provide the "advice on how to grow things". Not only that, but the farmer is no clock -watcher. He. is up with the sun, and he works till sundown when there is need that he do so. He did it through- out the war years. Indeed, the British farmer Produced miracles of production during the war, the Government helping with machin- ery and providing a pool of labour —but he did it by working Iong hours . * a ,p But if the Government, is going to hold over his head a threat that his land may be taken from him, it is very doubtful if he is going to work long hours while other work- ers are seeking shorter and shorter hours. He would not be human if he did not resent the Govern- ment's attitude. Indeed, the farmer knows, and we believe that the British consumer knows, that if socialization of land comes . it will not be socialization for plenty but socialization for a tremendously re- stricted farm output. The .eight- hour day doesn't apply on the farm where weather and the seasons en- ter so much into the job of produc- tion. -k * * People of Canada will watch the experiment in socialization of farm- ing in Britain. W,e have the threat of it here in Canada. That was one of the first planks placed in the C.C.F. provisional platform at Cal- gary in 1982. It was taken out later when it was found to be ana- thema to farmers. But the left wing of the C.C.F. Party still be- lieves in socialized land ownership and collective farming. The Brit- ish Socialist Government's action will encourage them. Milk in The Sun Do not leave milk in the sun as even on cold days a 'little sunshine may change its flavor and vitamin content. Exposure to sunshine may affect the flavor of homogen- ized milk in a half hour and of other milk in an hour, dairy scien- tists of the U.S ,Department of Agriculture found, The sun's, rays also rob it of riboflavin and as- corbic acid, research at several state experiment stations showed, SCE OF THE PRESS Mash Notes Some writing paper. is made from potato plant vines. For mash notes, perhaps. —Kitchener Record. Weariness Of course people got tired giving during the war. But it's just pos- sible that the servicemen were like- wise weary of fighting — but they didn't quite quit short of victory and a finished job. Shall we? —Stratford Beacon -Herald. That's Different "`- Can you.beat it? A New York school offers to teach a person the Spanish language in 45 hours . And a,.1ot of people have been try- ing to learn English for 45 years and Murder it just about as badly as they ever did. —St. Thomas Times -Journal, Practical Joke Two indignant women sitting in a telescoped car that has left a roadway and crashed into the trunk of a tree in a park: "I'd like to get my hands on the prankster who .planted that tree here," —American Magazine, ,Worth Keeping The sugar -bowl may be empty, but they don't throw it away. It's a dandy thing for keeping tickets in for the milkman. —Ottawa Citizen. Best Answer The best answer to shortages is more production, not merely a re- shuffling of existing machinery. The individual who finds' his blan- ket too short and cuts a strip off the bottom in order to lengthen the other end is fooling nobody but himself. — Brantford Expositor. It's A Run, However When women get .a run in those synthetic stockings made of coal, wood or rubber, they don't know whether they have a clinker, splin- ter or blowout. —The Argonaut, San Francisco. Not New Think the shortage of dwellings is something new? The Iead editor- lia in The Expositor of October 10, 1903, was headed, "The Housing Famine". —Brantford Expositor. ' Sour Grapes A lot of the criticism of the younger generation can be written off as sour grapes on the part of people who wish they could still belong to it. —Sault Star. Those Slow British If ' the aluminum prefabricated house has not made very great post- war strides in this country it is de- finitely going places in Britain where production is now about a thousand a month with one of the new houses being occupied by a 'family every three minutes. —Brockville Recorder and Times. Puzzling Many a coal miner must be won- dering how his union has amassed $75,000,000 of property without him getting any special benefits out of it. — Detroit Free Press. To Outlaw In -Laws "Down with in-law interference," said the placard carried by a Buf- falo war veteran who picketed the home of his wife's people to whom she had returned. That chap evi- dently wants to outlaw in-laws. — Toronto Star. • • • • TO RELIEVE SNIFFLY DISTRESS OF 0,00 MAD D COLDS TODAY a 0 0 • pip :O$*..e®V CKS V 019 4116:gi EVER NEGLECT head colds—not for one minute! Put a few drops of Vicks Va-tro-nol in each - nostril to get effective relief fast. It quickly soothes irritation, helps clear out congestion and make breathing easier, You'll like the way it works. Try Va-tro-not, today! T 44011.. ROLL YOUR OWN CIG ! ETTEs - WITH canosermertembetwatnormakeo THE FASTEST WAY TO SMOKING PLEASURE EVERY DAY IL POP—Good Advice By J. MILLAR WATT LOOK APION) iFYOU WANT` o ,.UT CDhI_AGRosS WANT TO Veal sable& tet