Zurich Herald, 1946-09-19, Page 3DOST IN FUN l
With a Difference
Saunders, though a bachelor,
professed to be very fond of chil-
dren. Nevertheless, when the
youngster next door stepped on
Ms new pavement before it was
dry, he became very indignant.
His sister rebuked him. "I
thought you loved children," she
said.
"I do in the abstract," he replied
"but not in the concrete."
Dictionary of Movie Pests
Nudger: Gently but firmly digs
his sharp elbows into your ribs
each time the screen reveals a situ-
ation he considers too subtle for
your dull mind to grasp.
Explainer: Explains the minutest
details of the plot to his hard -of -
hearing accomplice; sits directly
behind you.
Paper Crackles: Frequents the
matinees. She specializes in crunch-
ing cellophane candy bags at the
climax when screen voices are low
and tense.
Oh. Yes!
Betty: "Did you hear about the
man who sat up all night ° trying
to figure where the sun went when
it went down?"
Olive: "No, what happened?"
Betty: "It finally dawned on
him."
Too Late
After recovering slightly from
the shock of the budget in London,
one employer called his staff to-
gether and explained that there
must be further reductions in
wages.
"It means we shall all have to
tighten our belts," he ended. Then
after a moment's pause, he turned
to a junior clerk, who did not ap-
year to be listening. ''Do you un-
derstand what I'm saying, Smith?"
"Yes, sir," replied Smith, "but
it's no good telling me that. My
belt broke at the budget before
last."
THE SPORTING THIING
11-16atiTe squ7'i' f
II Iti!�l `'.
1;
"Quick! - Gimme my tele-
scope!"
Easy
Two cavalry recruits were hav-
ing a chat.
"Talking about riding," said one.
"I once saw a chap in a circus who
jumped on the horse's back, slipped
underneath, caught hold of its tail,
and finished up on its neck."
"So what," retorted the other.
"I did all that, in my first riding
lesson!"
Where's the Tip?
Down in the small southern to n
where he lives, people are so fond
of Uncle Mose that the elderly
Negro has become a trifle spoiled.
One day he presented a check for
$19.42 at the local bank. He took
the money from the teller, counted
it, then recounted it. He didn't
seem to be satisfied.
"What's the matter, Uncle
Mose?" asked the teller. "Isn't it
sight?"
"Yes," was the grudging reply,
"but it just barely is,"
All But the Title
Little Annie and Harold were
playing together in the back yard.
"I know a wonderful game,"
said fiarold. "Let's make believe
we're Admirals and that we are
commanding the Navy."
"All right," agreed Annie. "Only
1 must be the highest admiral and
give commands to you."
Harold objected, and, as usual,
Annie had a compromise.
"Then," suggested the shrewd
lilttle Miss, "let's play that I'in the
Admiral's wife. That will do just
as well."
Acquitted •
"One day," said the old country-
man frons the hills, who was on
trial for murder, "when my rheu-
matism was pestering me, and my
daughter had just eloped with a
good-for-nothin' scalawag, and my
barn had burned down and I lost
both my mules, and my best old
sow got the cholera and died and I
Just heard they had foreclosed the
mortgage and the sheriff was
lookin' for me, 1 told my tronbles
to one of these here optimists, and
be said 'Cheer up, old top, the
'tint is yet to comer So I shot
film".
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U. S. Army Doctor I
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HORIZONTAL 49 Cognomen
1 Pictured 50 2000 pounds
Army sur- 51 Network of
geon-general, nerves
53 Five and five
9 By 54 He supervises
10 Device for care for —
carrying
dishes VERTICAL
11 Atmosphere 1 Current
13 Female sheep events
(pi,) 2 Mineral rocks
15 Military 3 Mount (ab.)
police (ab.) 4 Provide with
16 Excellent weapons
17 Vigilante 5 Short sleep
group
18 Totalled
20 Half -em
21 Behold!
22 Inquires
25 Beyond
27 Daybreak
(comb. form)
28 Paid notice
29 Compensates
31 Shortly
34 Aluminum
(symbol)
35 He is in
charge of
medical care
for American
_y.
39 Iron (symbol)
40 Parts of
bodies
43 Measure of
area
44 Make a
speech
47 American
ostrich
48 Tantalum
(symbol)
Ass ter to Previous Punta
ONAS 1 GRAM
TE
u 1
TE DO
N
A
N I T
SON
EDEN
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IT
12 Lively dances
14 Harden
16 Distant
17 Vegetable
19 Period
2aLock opener
24 Distress signal
25 Dance step
6 Kentucky 26 Excitement
(ab.) 29 Kitchen
7 Incursion utensil
8 Gentle 30 Keenly
9 Mexican watchful
peasants 32 Frequently
TN
S4l1PE
PACE-,
• D IrijSOW•
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+
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iSNNq
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32 Born
35 Man's name
36 Matched
37 Angry.
38 Male offspring
41 Army food
(slang)
42 Gambling
game.
45 Scale of pay
46 So be it!
51 Registered
nurse (ab.)
32 Editor (ab.)
VOICE OF THE PRESS
Birds Are Easier
it's illegal in Alabama to
sprinkle salt on railroad tracks.
Rather a queer way to catch a
train, anyway.
—Saskatoon Star -Phoenix.
Vast Resources
Report of the existence of a bil
lion -dollar coal deposit 40 miles
north of Hudson Hope is just one
more evidence of the vast potential
resources awaiting development in
B. C.'s Peace River area.
—Vancouver News -Herald.
Unlucky Americans
The Americans are having a ter
rible tithe. Things you can't get in
the States cost twice as much as
things you can't get in Canada.
—Calgary Herald.
Egg of a Queer Bird
An ornithologist has found a
strangely shaped and weirdly col-
ored egg which he cannot identify.
—Press report. It is probably one
of . the many recently laid by the
Dove of Peace.
—Kitchener Record.
For Picnic Rent
A flicker examined by a scientist
had five thousand ants in its stom-
ach. There's an opportunity for
some bright person to make a for-
tune by domesticating fi'.ckers and
renting them out to picnic parties.
— Kingston Whig•Standard.
The Quickest Way
A high-speed camera shows that
it takes only ane -forties h of a sec-
• and to wink the eye. It's the quick-
est known way to get into trouble.
— Kitchener Record.
Aid to Contentment
An Australian farmer has in-
stalled a radio in his milking shed,
because it keeps the cows quiet,
and "they seem to like the news.'
After what they hear, it is likely
that the beasts appreciate the ad-
vantage of being cows.
—Toronto Saturday Night,
Castles in Europe
The housing shortage is solved
at last. For only $400,000, travelers
say, you can have your pick of the
old castles in Europe.
—Edmonton Journal
Unheard Of
Russia wants to "share" the Dar-
danelles with Turkey. Ever hear
of a sawoff like that over a piece
of cheese between a cat and a
rnouse?
Windsor Star.
So Fast — Yet so Slow
A jet 'plane flew from New York
to Boston, about 200 miles, in 21
minutes and 51 seconds. Who is in
such a hurry that he wants to fly
200 miles in 21 minutes? Sometimes
we wonder whether the ingenuity
and energy of modern man isn't too
much concerned with speed, ton
little concerned with needs that are
a thousand tunes more pressing --
and more tragic.
-- Ottawa Journal
More To Come
Three Swiss journalists who im-
agined Canada is a small country
dotted with farms and bordered by
Billing shacks changed their minds
after visiting Ontario and Quebec.
And they still hadn't seen our
mountains.
— Windsor Star
Handy Pot Holder
For husbands camping indoors
during the family's absence. any of
the smelter pieces of millinery of
the Juliet type, makes a dandy pot
holder.
—Winnipeg Tribune.
First Time for Both
There was an oddt wedding in
Hollywood. The papers said "nei-
ther cf the parties bad been mar-
ried before."
—Brandon Sun.
WHAT FRAGRANCE when
breakfast includes Maxwell
House ! This glorious cof
fee is extra delicious be.
cause it's Radiant -Roasted
to develop the full goodness
of the superb Maxwell
House blend.
drops
Let Murine bring ease when
eyes are weary or when they smart
and burn from over -work, dust,
wind, sunglare, bright lights or loss
of sleep. Two drops of Murine in
each eye, quickly soothes, cleanses, and
refreshes. 'Thousands use Murine
regularly --say there is nothing
quite like it. Ease your eyes with
Murine. Always keep it handy.
f N iere xQ>• $ ti ..... ,h."::•r'� r{:<:'::;:<:•
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MACDONAL
Fine
Rakes a better cigarette
MI ME 11101
THE 'SPORTING THING
"Initials seemed so inade-
quate !"
MUTT AND JEFF— NO RUNS, NO HITS, NO ERRORS, NO GAME
TGo ON, JOE;
RUN; RUN!
\ATTA
BOY
JOE
t
T
WNAT'Do VA MEAN,
OUT? THROW THAT
UMPIRE 00T!
014,11 FOUND
A PASS TOT
BALL GAME SO
I WENT tiPTO
THE STADIUM
AND RADWELL
TIME!
I CI•liraRED AND
1 HOLLERED AN`
1 THREW POP
BOTTLES AT 1HE•
UMPIRE AND
EVEING!
By BUD FISHER
P4:AYIN'?MM-WI
NOBODY!
"THERE WASN'T '1
ANY GAME!
POP—No Good for Notes
WELL HOW DO YOU
LIKE 1y%Y .NEW
GNIRT NOW
THAT YOU'VE
WORN IT ALL
DAY`r�
itimeesilliaminalmelse Vow.
i t 'S ALL
p i c H T -°-
(Released by The
eta Srn1lentn, Inc.)
By 3. MILLAR WATT
— BUT THE CUFFS DON'T
TAKE INK VERY
WELL f
qvgateavr
REG'LAR FELLERS -Total Loss
SE.E.IN' AS
1 OWN A SHARE.
IN TH' CLU DOIZC,
it LIKE T' TAKE
HIM FOR, A
WALK./
SORRY —
IT
-
IT GA4N'T
F3a Wive!
E
UT A DELICAT
ANCIAL TERM
IT, I REGRET
AY YOUR SHAD
AS eE.eNQUIDATED!
LESSEE- NOW --
'CORDIN' T' THIS STOCK.
RECORDe YOUR. SHARE
WA5 TO' I1.IGHT4iAND CORNER,
6F SAID DOR.65- LEFT EAR;
WASH' IT? •
By GENE BYRNES
SAID
fHA'S 'ni' PARC
HE. LAST IN A
FIGHT WITH
MILLI GAN'S
MASTIFF