HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-08-22, Page 7DOST IN FUN ll
Lassoing
Two boys spending a day in the
country came upon a man fly-
fishing, After watching hila cast
his line several times one of them
remarked to the other: "Oh, conte
on, Bill, he'll never catch anything.
He's trying to lasso 'em,"
Settled
The strong roan on a visit to
Somerset rode out on horseback to
challenge a farmer whose great
strength had gained him a reputa-
tion. He entered the farmyard, tied
up his horse, and approached the
farmer.
"Hey," he said, "I've heard a
lot about you, and I've conte a long
way to see which is the better
man."
Without answering, the farmer
seized the intruder, hurled him
bodily into the road, and returned
to his work.
When the loser had recovered,
his breath, the farmer growled,
"Have you anything more to say
to me?"
"No," was the reply, "but per-
haps you'll be good enough to
throw me my horse."
Served
Waiter: "What about a chop,
Sir?"
l Traveller: "1 never eat chops v
Waiter: "In that case, sir, din-
ner is over."
Meanings
The small son of the house was
doing . his homework, and his par-
ents were sitting by the fire.
"What's a fiancee, did?" asked
the youngster presently.
"A woman who is engaged to be
married," replied his father.
"And what is a fiasco?" asked
the boy next.
"Oft, that's the fellow who's go-
ing to 'marry her,"
No Sunday Work
The applicant handed in testi-
monials from three clergymen.
"We don't work here on Sun-
days," remarked the employer.
"Haven't you a reference from
someone who sees you on week
days?"
Lifelike
Client: "Do you think you can
make a good portrait of my wife?"
Artist: "My friend, I can make
it so lifelike that you'll jump every
time you see it."
Thoughtful
The first day he went into the
restaurant he ordered brown bread
with his meal. The waitress
brought white.
The second day he ordered
brown bread and again' she brought
white. The- third day he ordered
brown, and again he got white.
This went on for a week. On the
eighth day he decided that the only
way to get what he want -,i was to
order the opposite. So, having or-
.dcrcd lunch, he added: "And bring
me some white bread."
"But," said the waitress, "aren't
you the gentleman who always has
brown?"
Word for Word
"But 1 thought—" began the
typist.
ft's not your 'business to think,"
snapped, the manager. "All I pay
you for is to take down letters
word for word, without leaving bits
mut or adding bits of your own."
That afternoon the following let-
ter was brought for him to sign:
"L)ear Mr. Brown,—Write it
with an 'e'—pure side of course.
With regard to your letter of
whatever date is was, 1 can't be
expected to read writing like this,
I can quote you the following
prices. Eli, Thompson, it's that out-
sider Brownie. flow much shall we
stick on? Twenty per cent? Make
it thirty? Rightol Thirty bob, two
pounds and two ren a ton. Await-
ing your esteemed orders. 1 am,
yours truly, thank goodness that's
done."
Out Cold
When 1 hit a man he remembers
it."
"When 1 hit a man he's past re-
membering anything."
He Did
Recruit: "The sergeant is always
picking holes in me.".
Corporal: "Well, you carie here
to be drilled, didn't you?"
If
The partners Balled NIclntosh,
the manager, into their office.
"Listen, McIntosh," said the
first •partner. "We find that last
,year's business was the best since
we opened the place. We know
how hard you must have worked,
and as a special mark of our ap-
preciation we are making out a
cheque kr -X500 for you"
The manager stammered his
thanks.
"Yes," went on the other part -
*ter, "and ,if next year's business is
1111 good, we'll sign it."
FUNNY BUSINESS
By Hershberger
Orf!
COM 1944 9Y NEA SERVICE, INC. T. M. REG, U. 5� Ar.. OFr.-
"Nothing to worry about, officer—I'm breaking him fol
with stage money!"
rScreen Actress
r
HORIZONTAL VERTICAL
1 Pictured . 1 Meadow
movie actress, ; I ssect
3
11 Abstract being
12 3ncursi.on
13 Beam
14 Near
15 Palm lily
16 Accomplish
18 Us
19 Electrical
engineer (ab.)
20 Staten Island
i Answer to Previous Puzzle
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INSIGNE OF
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84Th
DIVISION
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4 Great Lake S
5 Sodium L E I
(symbol) H ��
6 Bismuth
to (symbol) c' 28 Any
7 Mims up 29 Lieutenant
8 Measure of (ab.)
1 area 32 Military
9 Legal measure police (ab.)
10 Lixivium 33 On account
15 Golf device (ab.)
17 Lubricant 34 Registered
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40 Staff
42 Italian capital
43 Slang
44 Tramp
(slang)
45 United Serv-
ice Organiza-
tion (ab.)
(ab.) 21 Spain (ab.) nurse (ab.) 48•Dance step
21 Extra 22 Italian river 35 Jumbled type 49 Donkey
25 Pertaining to23 Permit .36 Northeast 51 Average (ab.)
law 24 International (ab.) 53 Each (ab.)
30 Horseback language 37 Steamship 54 Alternating
game 26 And (Latin) (ab.) current (ab.)
31 Temporary 27 Kind 39 Observe 55 Him
1 9 5 6 7 8 9 10
dwel ing r
32: Of Moorish
descent
35 Plays on
words
38 Chessmen
40 Gets up
41 Erbium
(symbol)
43 Company
(ab.)
44 Bushel (ab.)
46 Daybreak
(comb. form)
47 Paid notice
48 Father
50 United States
of America
(ab.)
52 Intend
55 Possesses
56 She is a
VOICE OF THE PRESS
No Thanks
Howd you like to be Hungary
and send your little boy down to
the corner to buy a quintillion-
peng chocolate bar—if you could
get the chocolate bar?
Christian Science Monitor.
Why Bother?
We are now told that lightning
travels at 22,000,000,000 miles an
hour,''not 22,000. In that case we're
going to quit dodging.
—Kingston Whig -Standard.
Just As Silly
A Newfoundland couple has
been married in the torpedo room
of a former German submarine
—which is even more picturesque
than a lion's den or a boxing ring,
and just as silly.
-Edmonton journal.
More Insecurity
Chigaco man has lodged a com-
plaint that his wife took his pay
cheque every week, and has not
given him ,any money for twenty-
four years. Obviously she wore
the trousers in their family, and
simply went through her own
pockets.
—Windsor Star
Not Mother Nature
Farmers in Ontario are repor-
ted to be in best hopes of a bum-
per crop than they have been for
many years. At least mother na-
ture hasn't gone on strike.
—Hamilton Spectator.
No Good At All
What good are higher wages if
prices also go up? That's what
U.S. labor leaders are asking, now
the strikes are over.
—Toronto Telegram
THE SPORTING THING
"You'd never be any good at
it, Dear. You can't lie without
blushing!"
It's Worth Trying
Falling asleep at the wheel and
loose automobile car doors are two
of the main causes of accidents on
the highway. Why no keep awake
and be more careful?
—St. Thomas Times -Journal.
May Be Easy—Butt
A naturalist gives "simple rules
for catching a skunk barehanded."
But probably Ifo simpler than you
have to be to try it.
—Ottawa Citizen.
Very Personal
Not everything •,.improves with
age. There is the world, the family
car—and us.-
-Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph.
It's A Puzzle
What puzzles us is why those
Hollywood performers ever get
married in the first place.
—Brandon Sun.
Brevity Is There
If milady's fashions seem even
funnier than nsuaal to you this sea-
son, it's probably because brevity
is the soul of wit.
—Kitchener Record.
Not Everyone's Dish
South Africa reports that the de-
mand for diamonds is strong, as a
hedge against inflation. That is,
as strong as can be expected, con-
sidering that a blue -white 5% -carat
stone costs $13,200.
—Windsor Star.
Peace Argument
Mr. Howe's flat statement that
because of present strikes the short-
age of nails presently "will prac-
tically close down building con-
struction in this country" ought to
be a powerful argument for indus-
trial peace. If thousands of houses
now being built are uncompleted
when winter comes the gravity of
the present housing situation will
be intensified sharply.
—Ottawa Journal.
Hard On Nerves
An American army officer wants
tests of the atom bomb every six
months from now on. Whether
our planet's nerves can stand two
narrow escapes every year remains
to be seen.
—Edmonton Journal.
Modern Version
Nowadays, when two or three
peace -makers are gathered to-
gether, they have to bring in an-
other peace -maker to make peace
between them.
" —Stratford Beacon -herald.
We're Waiting
By sticking a thermometer into
a cucumber, scientists have pro-
ved that it is actually 20 degrees
cooler inside. We still await in-
structions on how to crawl into a
cucumber on a hot day.
—The Emonton Journal.
Missing Links
Soviet spy links have been or-
dered to leave Canada. Canadians
who acted that way in Russia would
go into the category of "missing
links".
BAS I COP*
(Tri -basic Copper Sulphate)
First time in Canada. A neutral in-
soluble copper compound making
an ideal spray material for fungus
control on potatoes, sour cherries,
tomatoes, celery, etc. Contains twice
as much copper as ordinary copper
sulphate or bluestone, consequently
goes twice as far. ,Also available as
a dust.
*Trademark Reg'd.
AT YOUR LOCAL DEALER
THE SPORTING THING
"—pain in my back, Doc, feels
just like a knife was stuck in it!"
MUTT AND JEFF— Speaking of House Painters Our Swell Pal Mutt Wasn't Hanging by Elis Heils By BUD FISHER
OH,DEAR!'1
KEY
AND
IN
LOCKED
OUT!
THE
fl
LEFT
HOUSE
MYSELF
-
MY
1TM,
✓
I'LL
HELP
YOUMRS.MUTT!
VUIU
{Jy{ .,,
s T
1 rYi
,+W
' I
I'LL
UPSTAIRS
UNLOCK
'
FOUND A LADDER!
CLIMB THROUGH THE
WINDOW AND
THE DOORFRoM•
THE INSIDE!
'THERE
MRS.
ARE,
MUTT
r,'
1
r?ie ,.,:
You
`'
OH,
YoU,JEFF!
!
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a
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THANK
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NOW
PUT
LADDER
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est
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POP—Not Dry Reading
CASE ARRIVED DOW
AT THE STATION FOR
bra U, S l R
THAT MUST BE THOSE
L.1 E3 R ARV' ROOK S
I ORDEG •ED
•-•
AND WILL YOU SEND
DAWN SOON SIR ?
ONE OF THEM
15, L-EAVING,
By J. M I L L A. IR WATT
(Relear::i by The Cell Syndicale, lnc.)
REG'LAR FELLERS—Making of a Hero
GIMME
A TRIPLE RICH
VANILLA 5UNDAE- WITH
1W0 INCHES OF
CHOC'LATE SYRUP .AN'
MAR.Si4MELtER, 1-1EAPEP
w,tT1-1 SLICED BANANAS
QN' A CHERRY ON TOP 1
PRETTY
GOOD TO
YOURSELF
AREN'T YOU?
1t0 SELF '
.5ACR.IFICING
FOR. YOU t,
EH
PINHEAD? -
ORDERING -
A DISH LIKa •
•f1 -{AT WHiLE PEOPLE
IN OTHER COUNTRIES
ARE. GOOD AN' -
HUNGRY! )).
,1 C
YE.SJIR,-
MAC AR-THUI2.
WOULD SURE
GE PROUD (
OF YOU
WAV:E UP
BEFORE ITS
TO0 LATE TO
Cf-1ANE1E THAT
0RDE.R.'
By GENE BYRNES
Y
), :;- _ !O!,/' 1)
NEVER. MIND
Tf-!AT C4-1ERR.Y
ON TOP!