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HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-08-15, Page 7JUST IN FUN Must You Be Different A man found it necessary to have his 'grandfather clock re- paired and because it was difficult to get it tn.usported to the repair shop, he undertook to carry it him- self, The clock obstructed his vision somewhat, and unfortunately he collided with a lady pedestrian, who refused to be appeased by his pro- fuse apologies. "Why don't you wear a wrist watch like anybody else?" she de- manded. English Influence There's a good story told about the deep impression that years of being stationed in Scotland has had en Polish soldiers. One of the Poles, on leave in London, England, was asked: "Have you learned to speak En- glish yet?" The Polish soldier replied with a smile: "Ay, a wee bit, mon." Warning The boys were advancing in Burma and the heat was terrific. Tommy wrote home to his mum and said in his letter: "The heat is sizzling, mum, it's 108 in the shade." Some months later he got a let- ter back from his mum, who wrote: "Very worried about you, son. For goodness sake keep out of the shade." One Remedy The Teacher wrote on the black- board. "I ain't had no fun all sum- mer." Then she asked a youngster on the front row: "Harry, what should 1 do to correct that?" "Mebbe—get a boy friend?" he suggested helpfully. Too Bad A merry party was going on in one the rooms of a hotel when the festivities were interrupted by an attendant, who said: "Gentlemen, I've been sent to ask you to make less noise. The guest in the next room says he can't read." "Can't read?" replied the host. "Well tell him he ought to be ashamed of himself. Why, I could read when I was five." Paving The Way "Please, 'sir," said the small boy nervously on coming into class, "ought 1 to be punished for some- thing I haven't done?" "Of course not," said the master kindly. "Please, sir," said the small boy with a sigh of relief, "I haven't done my homework." Only Dusty Mistress: "Look here, Mary. This chair is covered with dust." Mary". "Yes, ma'am. 1 reckon no- body has sat in it lately." Mistaken Identity A parrot, escaping from its cage, sat sunning itself upon the roof of a neighbouring house. A workman, sent to bring it do*n, crawled on all fours across the slates and was about to stretch out his hand to grab the fugitive, when he found himself exposed to a merciless'bar- rage of rich and lusty swear words. The man sat back on his haunches and raised his hat respect- fully. "I beg your pardon, sir," he said, "•I thought you was a bird." Stumped One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of a woman who was try- ing to entertlin them. "What a terrible voice! Do you know who she is?" "Yes," was the answer. "She's my wife." "Oh, I beg your pardon. Of cour.te it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. I won- der who wrote that awful song?" "I did," was the answer. Keep It Going A young woman stalled her car at a traffic light. She stamped' on the starter, tried again, choked her engine, while, behind her, an im- patient motorist honked his born steadily. Finally she got out and walked ba,.k. "I'in awfully sorry, but I don't seen able to start my car," she told the driver of the other car pleasantly. "If you'll go up there and start it for me, I'll stay here and lean on your horn." An Open Mind Woman: "I'm not prejudiced at all. I'm going with a perfectly open and unbiased mind to listen to what I'm convinced is pore rub- bish." Not Long "I wonder if Howard will love me when I'm old?" "You'll know - pretty soon now, dear." LIFE'S LIIKE THAT By Fred Nieher Fou think YOUR wife is thrifty, she made you a t'e cut of her old bathing suit ... my wife made herself a bathing suit out of one of my ties! !" g g• HORIZONTAL 1 Depicted is insigne of the U, S. Army 84th =- 7 Light brown 8 Accomplish 9 Seine 11 Pinnacle - 12 Caterpillar hair 14 French coin 16•Paused 18 Bristly 21 German city 22 Change 23 Pint (ab.) 24 Delirium tre- mens (ab.) 2; Symbol for selenium 26 Decimeter (ab.) 27 Negative 29 Right (ab.) 30 Cloth measure 32 Debit note (ab.) 33 Test 35 Hindu queen 37 Make sad 39.Repeals 40 Hawaiian 'wreath 41 Footless 44 Late Ameri- can humorist 45 Tree • 47 Either 48 Indian 49 Falter VERTICAL • 1 Bounded 2 Within 3 Fish 4 Drunkard '5 Upon 6 Cuddle 7 Hurl 10 Blow a horn the East 11 Trial • 20 Animals 12 South- Dakota 28 Verbal 29 Vegetable 31 Woolly 32 Strike ou 34 Notion Answer to Previous Puzzle MUD ..s: ©O13© DO® IEMIMOMMINMail 111011131121 MM DIMON nu MO© ,>; BRAND RIIEllaim mis1i ©t ®mma rr 000 PHIL SPITALNY 17 Name 18Pertaining to 38 Symbol for sodium 39 Paid notice 42 Hawaiian food 43 Morsel 46 Him t 48 Note in Gul. do's scale 36 Bare (ab.) 13 Like 15 Employed 16 Regret's Z8 0 3 a 1S 26 Highlights of the News No Garden of Eden Yet In case anyone thought every- thing in the proverbial garden was lovely, let it be noted that the United Kingdom is still going on bread rationing, that there is still famine in China and India, and near -starvation over half of Europe. —Brantford Expositor, Reason For Tragedies So long as people drive automo- biles carelessly, so long as small boats are overloaded, so long as non -swimmers and swimmers of limited capacity go into water un- safe for them, ,so long shall we have tragedies. —Ottawa Journal, Comparison Someone has said that love is like a baseball game. You can't get to first base without a diamond. —Dunnville Chronicle. Dual -Purpose Cow Mixed farming appears to be making some headway in the west. Ad. in the Saskatoon Star -Phoenix: "For sale—Jersey cow that gives milk and new potatoes," —Ottawa Citizen, Mistaken Many men think it is their work which is burdensome, when it is the chip on their shoulder which is holding them down. -Kiwanis Magazine. Hitler Was Too Late Three-quarters of a ton of uran- ium ore was discovered amid the wreckage of the Krupp works in Germany. Hitler was a bit too late with his atonic research, and the Western Allies beat him to the draw. —Hamilton Spectator. A Falling Bottom A financial columnist believes that it will be another year before the bottom falls out of the used car market. But we doubt if we can keep the bottom of our own car from falling out for this length of time, —Toronto "Saturday Night". Isn't It So? If you talk about your troubles And tell them o'er and o'er, The world will think you like 'em And proceed to give you more. —Exchange. Not Much! An association of pipers has been formed in Manitoba to foster the art of pibroch playing. And yet it was Sir James Barrie who laid it down that the "grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman" was that "he will do nothing which might damage his career." —Ottawa Citizen. Tough Foot Folk Pedestrians are becoming tough- er all the time and they may yet succeed in avoiding extinction. The other day a St. Lour jaywalker, who was bowled over by a street- car and then tun over by a truck, got up and knocked down a traffic cop who bawled hint out. —Kitchener Record. Only Two Exceptions Perhaps you don't like onions. And perhaps the very thought of a trans-Atlantic airplane trip gives you the jitters. Nevertheless, we would advise you to invest in both, just a matter of principle. They are the only two commodities in post-war memory on which the price has gone down. —Chatham News. That's All! Russia does not really differ from other nations. She only wants peace, unity and understanding and her own way. —Brandon Sun, We Hope Hush, little dollar, don't you cry; you'll buy a dollar's worth. bye and bye! —Windsor Star. YOU CAN BUY superb Maxwell House Coffee in either a Super -Vacuum Tin in Drip or Regular Grind, or in a Glassine - Lined Bag in an All Pur- pose Grind. THE P,d9T AY TO KILL LI Effectiveness proven by 66 years public acceptance. WHY EXPERIMENT—WILSON'S will kill more flies at less cost than any other fly killer. USE WILSON'S FLY PADS ONLY 10c Ai ANY RETAILER 1 masimaarimasisar cm=u2aio MACDONAL Fine Cu j Makes a better cigarette 1 NI VIII NI 111111 In WI NM MI In 1111 THE SPORTING THING "Ghastly, isn't it?" MUTT AND JEFF— Our Old Friend "Sir Sidney" Must be Back for the Conference By BUD FISHER MUTT, WHERE is dEFF? JEFF? IF HE KNOWS AS MUCH ABOUT CANOES AS HE THINKS HE —r- DOE HES OUT -BUT IF HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT IT THAN I THINK HE DOES, NESSWiMMINGI 'i^. (.' 8 ■ r5,r�i ,"1 -yr, L (- ,11 f _ ' Lc�j, -- ' ■ to I■1 CANOEING! ®\ �"� at 412 t .,j.i 1 .■13 .� /.Sig;',;;; i::, .. .: -.00' +'' c N fit 14 ■ ;,` A. i� s,_ � Y. E C (i ! • l; y..ly . ,•'j `�A,,,..In� ! Q U. I v . 1 wn. ,< F a • v. 4eiuu,... zz ,.. 44 z5 ■ h' e't. Z1 • 30 31 39 ■� 35 ■36 ..lir* ie r/ 39 ■■■ ■■ tjfX41 s% ,affi 43 ■ P5 it 4.q i 45 ■ ib tn...�■ ., lei Gf 48 ■■ 1S 26 Highlights of the News No Garden of Eden Yet In case anyone thought every- thing in the proverbial garden was lovely, let it be noted that the United Kingdom is still going on bread rationing, that there is still famine in China and India, and near -starvation over half of Europe. —Brantford Expositor, Reason For Tragedies So long as people drive automo- biles carelessly, so long as small boats are overloaded, so long as non -swimmers and swimmers of limited capacity go into water un- safe for them, ,so long shall we have tragedies. —Ottawa Journal, Comparison Someone has said that love is like a baseball game. You can't get to first base without a diamond. —Dunnville Chronicle. Dual -Purpose Cow Mixed farming appears to be making some headway in the west. Ad. in the Saskatoon Star -Phoenix: "For sale—Jersey cow that gives milk and new potatoes," —Ottawa Citizen, Mistaken Many men think it is their work which is burdensome, when it is the chip on their shoulder which is holding them down. -Kiwanis Magazine. Hitler Was Too Late Three-quarters of a ton of uran- ium ore was discovered amid the wreckage of the Krupp works in Germany. Hitler was a bit too late with his atonic research, and the Western Allies beat him to the draw. —Hamilton Spectator. A Falling Bottom A financial columnist believes that it will be another year before the bottom falls out of the used car market. But we doubt if we can keep the bottom of our own car from falling out for this length of time, —Toronto "Saturday Night". Isn't It So? If you talk about your troubles And tell them o'er and o'er, The world will think you like 'em And proceed to give you more. —Exchange. Not Much! An association of pipers has been formed in Manitoba to foster the art of pibroch playing. And yet it was Sir James Barrie who laid it down that the "grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman" was that "he will do nothing which might damage his career." —Ottawa Citizen. Tough Foot Folk Pedestrians are becoming tough- er all the time and they may yet succeed in avoiding extinction. The other day a St. Lour jaywalker, who was bowled over by a street- car and then tun over by a truck, got up and knocked down a traffic cop who bawled hint out. —Kitchener Record. Only Two Exceptions Perhaps you don't like onions. And perhaps the very thought of a trans-Atlantic airplane trip gives you the jitters. Nevertheless, we would advise you to invest in both, just a matter of principle. They are the only two commodities in post-war memory on which the price has gone down. —Chatham News. That's All! Russia does not really differ from other nations. She only wants peace, unity and understanding and her own way. —Brandon Sun, We Hope Hush, little dollar, don't you cry; you'll buy a dollar's worth. bye and bye! —Windsor Star. YOU CAN BUY superb Maxwell House Coffee in either a Super -Vacuum Tin in Drip or Regular Grind, or in a Glassine - Lined Bag in an All Pur- pose Grind. THE P,d9T AY TO KILL LI Effectiveness proven by 66 years public acceptance. WHY EXPERIMENT—WILSON'S will kill more flies at less cost than any other fly killer. USE WILSON'S FLY PADS ONLY 10c Ai ANY RETAILER 1 masimaarimasisar cm=u2aio MACDONAL Fine Cu j Makes a better cigarette 1 NI VIII NI 111111 In WI NM MI In 1111 THE SPORTING THING "Ghastly, isn't it?" MUTT AND JEFF— Our Old Friend "Sir Sidney" Must be Back for the Conference By BUD FISHER MUTT, WHERE is dEFF? JEFF? IF HE KNOWS AS MUCH ABOUT CANOES AS HE THINKS HE —r- DOE HES OUT -BUT IF HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT IT THAN I THINK HE DOES, NESSWiMMINGI ? " �� j}s r �t� �3 / 014, GOSH! I \ WAS NEARLY 1 I DROWNED! FELL INTOTHE WATER UP To MY KNEES! 13UT MY GIRL, EMCEE, 1,Y DEAR FELLOW, 1 How couLDvou DROWN W WATER FELL ONLY UP To YouR IPL L (- ,11 f _ ' Lc�j, -- ' PULLED MEoUT) KNEES? .� ?' HEAD �I "' -'_ .. .lr{Si N CANOEING! ®\ �"� at c`3 % 1e,. ..44110 , t .,j.i 1 r'y' • .� /.Sig;',;;; i::, .. .: -.00' +'' c - if ii G --- ; 1 r /[�v t 1..0 j J.. ;,` A. i� s,_ � Y. E C (i ! • l; y..ly . ,•'j `�A,,,..In� ! Q U. I v . 1 wn. ,< F a �I� `'4; '/y„iJ, v. 4eiuu,... POP—Pop Believes in Signs CHILDREN ACCO/MPAN1 ED BY PARENTS UNDER TEN . YEARS Or AGE FREE (Reloaacd br 'rbo 730u Syndlealc, Ino.) By J. MILLAR WATT AC REG'LAR FELLERS—Topsy-turvy j 1 T{-11 .I VE: GOY A STU WIMiCK, MOM! • HOW OlDr. YOU MANAGE. 70 cET'AN UPSET STOt iACla ?,. By GENE BYRNES ET HAFFA DOZEN APPLE AN' TOPPED 'EM OFF WITH A HUNKA UPSIDE" N CAKE <4i