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HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-08-01, Page 3JUST IN FUN 11 Then He Speaks Visitor (to Junior). "My what a good boy' you are,' sitting there so quietly!" Junior: "I always sit quietly until someone puts money in my bank and then I say ',Thank you.' The Same Will Smother:: has two sons. One is in politics, and the other isn't much . good either. Why Worry Teacher: "Johnny, what is one- fifth of three -sixteenths?" Johnny: "I don't know, exactly, miss, but it's too small to worry about. Mostly Selling An artist confesses he put ten year's work into a picture he has just sold. Nine of them are said to have been devoted to selling it.. A Contribution Chemistry Professor: "Wh.,t is the outstanding contribution chem- istry has made to the world?" Student: Blondes. Some Organization Returned from Russia to attend hospital, a German officer found two doors, one marked "Troops" and the other marked "Officers." He entered the door marked "Office and found two more doors, one marked "Serious cases" and the other marked"Slightly in- jured." He went to the "slightly in- jured" door, and found two more doors—one marked "Party Mem- bers" and the other marked "Non - Party Members." He pushed - open the door marked "Non -Party Members" . . . and found himself in the street. A couple of days later a friend asked him if the hospital had cured him. "Not exactly," he replied, "but the organization was marvelous!" ' Don't Know There is one thing I • not knew, know, 'Bout ti.at I've no illusions— I do not know how far he jumps When he jumps to conclusions. Very True A production expert declares that sedentary work lessens a man's resistance. The more he sits the less he can stand. Modern Language The explorer, bo.ving low, ap- proached the savage chief. "I come to you," he began ceremoni- ously, "from beyond the sunset— from the Great White King . . .' "Tell me," interrupted the chief, "why don't you guys do something about the rotten radir programs you send over here." Service With a Smile A boy entering a drug store in America placed a five -cent piece on the counter as he saw the assistant coming towards him. "Please, could you give me a dose of castor oil so that it won't taste?" he asked, "Certainly," smiled the assistant. "Would you like an ice-cream soda whilst you're waiting?" "Yes, please," answered the lad, and drank the soda with relish. "Did you want anything else?" asked the chemist. "No thanks—just the castor. oil," replied the boy. "But you have just drunk it," smiled the chemist. "Gosh! That wasn't for nue, it was for my dad!" exclaimed the boy. A-Winnc.r Billy h: d fallen into the bad habit of betting. In the hope of coring the boy, his father and uncle decided to make him lose by takit.g on any bets he proposed, which they knew they would win. Tho following morning Billy ntet, his uncle. "I bet you sixpence you've got corns," said the boy. Uncle accepted the challenge. "But what proof can you give?" said Billy, "Easy," said the other. "I'll take off nr shoes and socks and show that you're wrong." s Presently uncle's bare feet were exposed, and Billy gave him the sixpence. During the morning uncle met the boy's father. "Our scheme's going fine," he Said, and went on to explain how he had won sixpence from the boy "And to prove that I was right," added the uncle, "I took off nay bhoes and socks and showed him my feet," "What!" ejaculated the boy's 'father. "Only last night that bov bet the half a crown he'd see your barn feet. OUT OUR WAY BEING SO VERY EFFICIENT 1N YOUR SfU17IESAND' WITH SUCH A•-HIRST FOR KIJOWLEDGE MUST MAKE YOUR MOTHER VERY PROUD OF YOU! By J. R. Williams OH, NO-- NO, MA'AM! IT'S QUITE -IHE REVERS>=-- WE. RE 1 C'TH VERT WORRIED ABOUT IT: 'THE MORE WE READ ABOUT GREAT PEOPLE, -THE MORE WE FIND WHO SHOWED LITTLE OR WO PROMISE WHEN 'THEY WERE ' UNG! // r�mtuan� OH, WHAT A PAL!o F,'"V(a .c IU. S. Army Leader HORIZONTAL 41 Moths 1 Pictured 42 Learn militarist, 43 Daybreak Maj. -Gen. (comb. form) George E. 45 Cases (ab•)\ 45 Paymasters 10 He — coma on boats mander of the air forces in China, India and Burma 12 Surgical saw 13 Number 14 Peer Gynt's mother - 15 Magic 16 God of love 18 Scheme 19 Amount (ab.) 20 Mythical king of Britain 21 Coverlet 22 Parcel post (ab.) 23 Clothes 24 Indian province 25 Depend 26 Mine 27 Poker stake 28 Cleave 29 Laughter sound 30 Pochard • 31 Caterpillar hair 32 Tasto solo (ab.) 33 Clamorous 34 Fruit 36 Heart 37 Abyss 38 Great Lake 39 Soft drinks 40 Blow a horn :xnsw.er to Previous Puzzle 0©0 C9n00f1111 g1©1:1 ©I ©PJM �© ©©. M©. M©© ©fE Q® ©© ©© BERYL �[7 MUM CI© ralMilMin VAUGHN 1--o©©tom 00 NMMMM M ©n ©N ©OM O© Tom© MM OOP ©M OM III VERTICAL 14 Pt t into line 1 Leather thong 17 Shoat -napped fabric 18 Nephrite '20 Daring 21 Quod est (ab.) 5 Symbol for 23 Renters tantalum 24 Per 6 Vigor 25 Tapes again 7 Short jacket 26 Mother 8 Affirmative 28 Altar screen 9 Half -em 29 thigh school 10 Sequester (ab.) 11 Colonize 30 Painful 2 Highest in cards 3 Lease 4 Mimic suit 31 Containing soda 32 Symbol for tellurium 33 Lag 35 Grazing homestead (ab.) 36 Blood money 38 Divisions of geological time 40 Pinnacle 42 Cubic (ab.) 44 Bone 1.. 2 '3 + 5 6 SURE VOL/ DO! 7 ' 8 9 -. ._ . 4;gli io .11 .. \ ,., o �` aa - Oa ., R.� ', ` 't ,s. .r c .. III' ` SKIRT? �. WANNA GO v ' • m'• - . / To HEAVEN? LITTLE FLY ON JEFF's BEAN, 11oW'D You GET T1RoUGIF_ �. o°P-.S it .m y ., (1 nwy 1 1% 15 4th ib is 1 o `s -0 i' 'lllllll1lrE` filly ° !UII' L 'r .16 a, v ;1 dll C, 17 toil 111(( 'r,!' .18 , • / = ° ° - �, . 19 4120 r ea; y 21 22 Gt✓ea c G3� . . U 26 ,...7, ,;:3;•`• 21 28 'nt ,' 29 `it .3o 31 , uo vu 3 o3 34 t 35 .,,ef t;v- 36 37 ?4438 L,.e. 34 '/),t 40 •6.. ,� ,..t: 41 'j1::.,;42 40A. ' `d`•43 V 74 44 VOICE OF THE PRESS Nature Is Healer After man has shattered him- self and the countryside around him with all his terrible weapons of destruction, nature quietly moves in to heal over the scars, In Nor- mandy, growing crops cover the shell holes and bomb craters. Sand is gradually drifting over the wrecks of landing barges. --Woodstock Sentinel -Review. Nothing To It An economics expert claims that only half a dozen men in the world understand money. Not so bad at that; it's six more than understand women. —Ottawa Citizen. It May Come To That "The world's population," says a statistic, "could be packed in a box measuring a half -mile each way," Let us first, however, try the less drastic solutions of this housing shortage. —Winnipeg Tribune Dry -Clean Bathing Suit Lady called a local department store and ordered a couple of bath- ing suits for her daughter to wear at camp this summer. When they arrived, she was understandably disturbed to find that they had tags attached to them reading: "Dry clean. Do not wash." —The New Yorker Magazine. A 'Dare A health expert says that short skirts add five years to a girl's life. Come on, girls, why not nialce a bid for immortality? —Peterborough Examiner. Progress In 1891 there was one copy of a newspaper for every 12 persons in Canada and by 1945 daily news- papers had expanded their circula- tions making one copy available for every four persons, -Niagara Falls Review, That Won't Stop Him It's no comfort to a returned veteran to know the wolf won't be at the door this winter simply be- cause he has no door, —Christian Science Monitor, No Argument Scales are the only things that lend real weight to most fish stories, —Guelph Mercury, Hikh Cost of Lollipops Children in the New York City area are personally experiencing inflationary bites into their spend- ing allowances—lollipopps have gone up 233 percent. in price. For- merly selling at one cent each, the price last week was three for 10 cents. —Toronto Star. LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Heyes' "Certainly eating spinach would make me big and strong ... and the first thing I'd know Pop would have ole pushing the lawn mower! !" 9 Slightly Mixed Speaking of niixecl metaphors, there's the one which describes a road hog as a dog in the manger. —Toronto Star, Sure Riddance You can get rid of twitch grass by digging it up by the roots, burn- ing it, locking the ashes in a steel safe, and sinking the safe in 40 feet of water. ltiitchener Record. He just Ran Away We wonder if all this talk about "broken marriages" isn't oser- done. A century ago, n -hen di- vorce was seldom invoked, a man simply ran away from his wife when he couldn't stand her any longer, and as communications were poor, he didn't have to run very far. \\'omen, too, frequently vanished by the light of the moon. We really don't believe that people are any worse at marriage now than they were then. But they are more business -like about their methods of separation. —Peterborough Examiner. IT MEANS A LOT when the meal. includes Maxwell House. This marvellous coffee is extra delicious because it contains choice Latin-American coffees . o the finest the world pro- duces. M ,:a3, CHINER Y NEW AND USED Of Every Description Phone EL. 127] H. W. PETRIE CO. LTD t47 (rroni Si, W. — Toronto ''wse BUY & SELL' THE SPORTING THING PAr 51 "Hey, Joe, you forgot your— oh, oh!" .11.111111012.111111, MUTT AND JEFF—WHERE THERE'S NO SENSE THERE'S NO FEELING By BUD FISHER PooR LITTLE FLY' oriLIT oTi-kE WALL- AIN'T YoU GOT NO CLOTHES AT ALL? ' //AIN'T YOU GOT No UNDER5AIRT? AIN'T YOU GoT NO PETTY LITTLE FLY UPON AII,1T YOU SURE VOL/ DO! i a OH SHAME: 1 �--Jj! THE WALL - AIN'T YOU GOT NO NOME AT ALL? GoT NO MAMA? AINT YOUR-� el OT No PAPA? \ (/--- I c -man ''? MACK. n � ° '° �' / II r \ ,., o �` aa - Oa ., R.� ', ` 't ,s. .r c .. III' ` SKIRT? �. WANNA GO v ' • m'• - . / To HEAVEN? LITTLE FLY ON JEFF's BEAN, 11oW'D You GET T1RoUGIF_ �. o°P-.S it .m y ., (1 nwy 1 1% '- ->t? 4th ib is 1 o `s -0 i' 'lllllll1lrE` filly ° !UII' 4.;-„_ r'll 0 \Q` ), ., rr�elIn N'! ' w. ° «�f ° ° .� f a, v ;1 dll C, THE SCREEN? AIN'T You GOT' �I+ MORESENSE To ST WHERE -rei dEFFPUTStIIS�i17�t ! HAT? �( • III' .- toil 111(( , • / = ° ° - �, . POP—Double Money HE ALWAYS COUNTS HIS CHANGE I N FRONT OF A MIRROR ° WH Y . DOESN'T HE TROST HIMSELF 9 By J. MILLAR WATT 7,1 aeleasod by'Pt° Bon •� lest®. 'lAC., :�.; ? • ;•ti :}:•:.; REG'LAR FELLERS—Just Imagine! KIN I HAVE, A PIECE OF CARE, MOM? YOU KNOW 1 DONT ALLOW YOU TO EAT BETWEEN MEALS, PINHEAD1 By GENE BYRNES DON'T LOQK AT IT THAT WAY - - SAY WE HAVE. LUNCH AT 6 O'CLOCK--- - ISUT THAT SIX O'CLOCK STUFF IS MAKE BELIEVE ON ACCOUNTA I'M NEARLY STARVED'