HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-07-25, Page 3JUST IN FUN ll
Take Your Choice
Rastus and Liza were married
but a short time when he came
home with a big wash tub a wash-
board and a handsome three-foot
mirror.
Liza: "W hut's all de truck you
brung?"
Rastus:: "You -all kin take you'
pick. Yo' kin take de tub an' wash-
boam an' go 'to work, or you kin
take de mirror an' set down and
watch you'se'f starve."
Two Ways
A bumptious fellow was giving
evidence in a police -court.
"You say you stood up?" asked
the magistrate.
'I said," retorted the conceited
one, that I stood. If one stands
one must stand up. There's no
other way of standing."
'Oh, isn't there?" replied the
magistrate. "Pay two pounds for
contempt of court, and • . . stand
down 1"
Proper Exit
" What happened after you were
thrown out of the side exit on
your face?"
"I told the fellow I belonged to
a very important family."
"And then?"
"He begged my pardon, asked
me in again and threw me out of
the front door."
Good Reason
The park orator looked around.
"You, my friend," he said, gaz-
ing intently at a member of his au-
dience, "are you treading the
straight and narrow path?"
The man nodded. "I am."
"And do you find it easy?"
"When I started I didn't, but
now it comes naturally to me. I
don't know how I'd get on if I
didn't stick rigidly to it and keep
my mind on nothing else."
"And will you explain to these
ladies and gentlemen why you feel
you should continue on the straight
and narrow path?"
"Certainly. If I didn't I should
fall off. I'm a tight -rope walker." '
The Test
One Sunday morning the pastor
of a congregation noticed that an
old face had reappeared among
his flock and after the sermon wel-
comed the supposedly repentent
backslider.
"This is the first time .you've
been to church for a long time,"
he said. "I'm glad to see you."
"Ah done had to come. Ah
needs strengthcnin'. Ise got .a job
white-washin' a 'chicken coop an'
buildin' a fence 'round a water-
melon patch."
Profitable
Father had been teaching little
Bobby how to do swats. Six times
he had held out a threepenny -piece
and a penny and asked his son
which he would have. Each time
Bobby hat: taken the penny.
"Surely, Bobby," said father at
last, "you know a threepenny-
. piece is worth more to you than a
penny?"
"Not the way you're teaching
rue," said the youngster. "I've
made threepence on the deal
already."
An Idea
He had taken a long time com-
ing home from work, and his wife
nagged at him for being late for
dinner. At last she decided to
change the conversation, and said
chattily:
"I hear poor Mr. Jones has had
his wife killed."
"And not a bad idea, neither, '
replied her husband sourly.
Assistance
As the sec.urid sponged the bad-
lyof thewuld-
1 battered fc es would-
be
e
be world champion, he murmered
in tones of di, gust: "It';, all right,
Bill. We've sent for, a private
detective."
"What the dickens do I want a
private detective for?" sorrow-
fully asked the fighter.
"Well,' sneerin; ly piped the
second, "he'll help y lu to find the
chap you'vt. been :yiu:g to hit
during the last nine our,ds•"
Home Aga;:-
A.
ga;:A. colored parson, calling upon
one of his flock, found the object -
of his visit out in the hack yard
working among his hen coops.
He noticed with surprise that
there were no chickens.
"Why, Brudder Brown," he ask-
ed, "whah'r all you' chickens?"
"Huh," grunted Brother Brown,
without looking up, "some fool
niggah lef' de do' open an' dey all
went home,"
He Flew•
"Ballo, old marl, I havn't seen
you for some time."
"I've been in bed for seven
weeks."
"That's too bad. F 1 u, II
suppose?"
"Yea and crashed."
r
VOICE OF THE PRESS
"Good Luck" Fracture
Note to the superstitious: The
'other day a man broke his arm
throwing salt over his shoulder.
—Kitchener Record.
A Tougher Job
It's easy turning out ships and
planes like doughnuts in time of
war. The truly Herculean feat is
to build a couple of million houses
amid the distractions of peace.
—Detroit News
• Glad They're Cows
An Australian farmer has in-.
stalled a radio in his milking shed,
because it keeps the cows quiet,
and "they seem to like the news."
After what they hear, it is likely
that the beasts appreciate the ad-
vantage of being cows.
—Toronto Saturday Night
Extinct
What has become of the old-
fashioned business man who said,
"I can't complain"?
—Winnipeg Tribune
Change To Farmers
If all the swords were beaten in-
to plowshares and all the cannon
into pruning forks, what a bunch
of farmers these armament manu-
facturers would look like.
—Chatham News
No More—No• Less
Five -day -week advocates pos-
sibly have forgotten the Fourth
Commandment "Six days shalt
thou labor."
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Given a Chance
One thing about those Nazi war
criminals; they are at least being
given a chance to die of old age.
—Hamilton Spectator.
Deodorized Pets
' Deodorized sl unks are being
sold at 'NO apiece in the State of
Oregon as household pets, more
comp •ionable than cats and not a
menace to bird life either.
—St. Catharies Spectator.
r
Stage Actress
HORIZONTAL 50 Myself
1,5 Pictured 51 Fish eggs
actress 52 Southeast
10 Erbium (ab.)
(symbol) 53 Upon
ll Each (ab.) 54 Sainted ones
12 Measures of 55 She is a
cloth — star
13 Account of VERTICAL
1 Honey maker
2 Before
3 Shouts
4 Tardy
(ab.)
14 Electrical
engineer (ab.)
15 Lieutenant
(ab.) 5 Sell
16 Born
17 Transpose
(ab.)
18 Conductor
19 Toward
21 Like 19 Tantalum
22 South Amer-
ica (ab.)
24 Exclamation
26 Inspires
reverence
28 Accomplished
30 Short sleep
31 Possess
32 Network
(anat,)
33 Sprightly
dance,
35 Measure of
area
36 Nova Scotia
(ab.)
38 Any
39 Greek Ietter
40 Fishes
44 And (Latin)
46 Age
47 Bone
48 Iron (symbol)
1
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