HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-07-04, Page 7JIM IN FUN 11
Pro'tably He Will
Cavalry ' ecruit: "I don't like
the look of the horse'' head, sir,"
Sergeant. "Oh, don't worry.
You'll soon get ovet that
• He" Do the Same
"Mtather: -^-''cJ,gllnuie, dear, 1 was
hoping you woulh 'be unselfish
enough , , give your little sister the
largest pieet of candy. Why, e' en
ti at old her, will give all the nicest
d inties to her little chicks and
talo only a tiny one once in a while
for herself."
Johnnie (after watching the old
ben for a while):: "Well, "mom, I'd
do the same thing if it was worms."
Dog Collector
"What sort of a dog is he?"
"An ento:nologist."
"But an entrmolugis, is a collec-
tor of insects."
"Well,, hu Goes tha, all right."
Hard Times
These saesages you sent me are
meat at or end and breadcrumbs
at the other," said Mrs. Andrews.
."Yes, n adapt," replied the but-
cher; "in these har,l times it is
difficult to make both ends meat."
Anything New
A business man was upset be-
cause his new typist was late. Fum-
ing, he said, as she finally came in:
"You should have been here at
nine!"
"Why?" she asked. "What hap-
pened?"
Could be Managed
"Oh, porter," exclaimed the fair
young thing, "does this train go
first or the one on Platform
Number Four?"
"Number Four, miss," replied
the porter; "it's due off in a minute,
but if you run you'll catch it."
"Yes; but have I got time to run
over there and miss it and then
come back and catch this one?"
Boring
"I'm going to kiss you before I
go," said the young man whohad
outstayed his welcome.
"Do it now while I'm still
young," replied the girl, wearily.
In For Awhile
Just after his convictieo the
prisoner put up a •trong plea for
mercy.
"So you can see, your honor, he
ended, with a whine, "I'm ,really
down and out."
But the judge had heard that
story so often before. Looking
over his spectacles, he replied:
"No, you may be down, but
you're not out—not for six months
anyway."
He Was
. First Burglar (pointing to a weIl-
known millionaire): "How would
you like to be in his shoes?"
Second Burglar: "I am."
A Meddler
' The minister i• the Highland
hamlet had no more ardent admirer
than old Jean. As he thundered
forth denunciations of the sins of
immorality, lying, drunkenness, her
amens were heartfelt.
One day he turned his attention
to a habit of pipe smoking among
the elder women.
OId Jean left tilt meeting firmly
clutching her pipe.
"I can't do with preachers when
meddling," she said.
meddlii,g," she aisd.
Then Choose
A shipwrecked sailor who had
spent five ,,ears on a drsert island,
was overjoyed one day to see a
ship drop anchor in the bay. A
small boat came ashore and an of-
ficer ha deo the sailor a bundle of
newspaper. -
"The captain sugg-sts," he told
the saikl., "that you read what's
going on in the world and then let
us know II von wan, to be res-
cued."
World's Shortest Novel
The following, taken from a
Petty cashbook, is surely the
world's shortest •novel:—
Advert. for . typist, 2s; typist's
salary, 22; flowers, 5s, chocolates,
7s6d; typist's salary, £3; sweets
for wife, 6d; Winnie's salary, 24;
dinner and theater for Winnie and
self, £10 10s; fur coat for wife,
£150; advt, for male typist, 2s.
Everything Frozen
A sailor on leave was beim;
pressed for stories, and at last he
told his " ':eners of an adventure in
the icy north.
"It was that cold up there," he
said "that one day I saw some sea
birds stis ended in raid-air,frozen
stiff and tutable to fly or fall
flown."
Said one doubting 'fhontas, ' Init
what about the law of gravity?"
"That was fins(.,, sin trio," said
the sailor.
THIS CURIOUS WORLD
1,11.0000.
By William Ferguson
IT TOOK
MAN
ASour
5200; CDC, CD
TO LEARN THE
SIGNIFICANCE
OF
COPR. 1494 BY NEA SERVICE, INC.
T. M. NEC. U. 6. PAT. CFF.
t tit
"WHEN YOU REPORT SEEING A
PLANE PALL, AND YOU'RE WRONG,,
YOU'RE STILL RIGHT, "Says
ARS..JOSEPHINE JACK, '
F/ore',5' Co%redo
GYM
MO PERSONS
HAVE DIED FROM AUTOMOBILE
ACCIDENTS IN THE U.S. SINCE=
1933 THAN WERE KILLED OR.
DIED OF WdUNDS IN ALL THE
WARS THE U.S. HAS FOUGHT:
(5
1 U. S. Navy Air Unit
a
HORIZONTAL VERTICAL
1 Chief god of
Memphis
2 Aircraft
3 Camera stand
4 Crimson
5 Overtime
(ab.)
6 Native of
Latvia
Equal '
Nine (Roman)
Lord Privy
Seal (ab.)
Lubricators
English street
oar
Hardens
Exclamation
Symbol for
tellurium
1 Depicted is
insigne of
— Squadron
33, U. S.
naval aviation
7 Its — are
always ready
for action
13 Rounded.
14 Perish 7
15 Dry 8
16 Carry (coll.) 9
19 Lath •
20 Jump on one 10
foot 11
21'Anesthetics
23 German river lz
24 Possess
26 Sailor 18
28 Helped
30 Stair part
33 Symbol for
samarium
34 Morindin dye
35 Part of "be"
36 Rough lava
37 Extra
39 Birds' homes
41 Essence (ab.)
42 Obtain
yehicle
45 Rare
50 Winglike part
53 Operatic solo
55 Type of
. molding
56 In bed
57 Finisl)'ng
tool
59 Dangled
61 Icing's home
62 Victims of 61
leprosy
Anwsver to Previouw Puzzle
21 Without end
22 Unusual
25 Has on
27 Girl's name
28 Onager
29 Little demon
31, Dine
32 Abyssinian
prince
38 Antenna
40 Horse barn
43 Fish
44 Space
46' Center
47 Symbol for
silver
48 Music note
49 Prison room
51 Look askano
52 Addends '
54 Wine vessel
56 Swiss
mountain
58 Out of
(prefix)
60 Whirlwind
MI1111113z
GOTTA GO To
li THE SEASHORE To GET
'4 me SEA BREEZES AND I'M
, BRoI4 !
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THE PRESS
Old -Fashioned
One nice thing about not being
too famous is that you can keep the
same wife year after year.
--Guelph Mercury,
Logical
Ever think of it this way? The
less food you waste, the less food
you buy. The food you don't buy
is available for bulk shipment to
the hunger zone.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Discouraging
When you think you're over-
worked,, just think of the busy bee.
In order to make a honey crop,
bees from a good colony must visit
up to 520,000,000 flowers during the
season.
—St. Thomas Times -Journal.
This Is Drowning Season
Reports from various places
show the drownir.o season is get-
ting well started, People will go
out of their depth, will take canoes
into dangerous waters or do some
other crazy thing.
There is not much to be done
about it, because every year so
many people drow.i. Only . thing to
do is make sure the list does not
include you.
—Windsor Star.
Reconversion Hint
A mild suggestion: Let's forget
all about "reconversion" and just
let's go back to work.
—Vancouver Province.
Britons Still Strong
The Empire may be weakened,
but not the British people. There
are many who believe that the
post-war generation will be more
enterprising and resourceful than
their fathers, Certainly the British
are the best risks in the world to-
day—and the only strong compe-
titors in the business of making the
democratic system work.
—New York Times.
Hooked Either Way
If you make out your income tax
return wrong, you are in the hands
of the law; and if you make it out
right, you are in the hands of the
receiver,
—Drumheller Mail.
But It Won't Happen
What a revolution there would
be if landlords suddenly began ad-
vertising "no childless couples need
apply."
—Edmonton Journal.
Danger Ahead
We have learned in Canada that
this continent, if not the world, is
one economic whole. We have felt
repercussions from the American
economic situation in more ways
than one. There is a considerable
danger that we may take it for
granted that American procedure
must always be followed here. Un-
less we take warning we may find
ourselves drawn into a vortex of
inflation we have so far succeeded
in avoiding.
—Halifax Chronicle.
agi yt14-443.
By GLUYAS WILL
to,
Come East, Young Man
Remember the old harvest ex-
cursions?
xcursions?
Remember the trains that pulled
out for the prairies, to the rolling
plains and the wheat fields and the
big meals and big talk of the west?
That was a long time ago, friend,
a long time ago. Now it's in re-
verse.
This year Ontario has a bumper
crop. Our fields are rich with the
good things of the earth. They
have even called for 25,000 addi-
tional men from the west to help
gather in the harvest. Come east,
young man, come east.
—Il amilton Spectator.
When Man Listens
Some women think a man is very
entertaining if he sits patiently and
listens to them talk.
—Brandon Sun.
NOR ROSPRNONE
Y
A remarkable new contact insecticide
spray with tremendous killing power
against aphids, leaf hoppers, mealy
bugs, thrips and other insects attack-
ing vegetables, garden flowers hot-
house plants and certain types of
fruit stock. An excellent replacement
is many instances for nicotine sul-
phate. In 1 oz., 5 oz., 16 oz. and 1
gal. sizes.
*Trademark Reg'd..
AT YOUR LOCAL DEALER
AFTER A GOOD DEAL OF STANDS BEAMING ARQUNO WONDERS IF MAYBE HE
EXPERi MENTING, PAISES ROOM. IT wABNfrNEARLY HAS BEEN A LITTLE
HIMSELF UPON HIS FEET SO HARD AS HE THOUGHT OVERCONFIDENTAS M
1T WOULD Be 1,44S SUDDENLY BUCKLE,
THE WRONG WAY
REGAINS BALANCE, AND
GETS LEGS UNDER.
CONTROL, BUT IS SOME-
WHAT DISCONCERTED 81'
A TENDENCY TO TOPPLE
OVER BACKWARDS
BEGINNING AGAIN '10
PEEL SURE OFHIMSELI;
BUT LOOKS AT FLOOR.
WHICH IS ALARMINGLY
FAR AWAY
'STARCH GOES OUTC
HIS LESS AS HE SLIPS
QUIETLY TO FI,QOf2.FEE'
GOOD TO 6ITDOWN AGAIN
THE SPORTING THING
ANNUAL ccmVEI TION
THROAT
PECIAL_ ' S
"All those in favor say 'Ah'!"
THE SPORTING THING
"George! Roll over. You've
been lying on your hack for
the last two months!"
POP—The Ham
By J. MILLAR WATT
T2NC.O RLG 4
_..,(A,,onned by The Gob Gyad,une, lee.)
MUTT AND JEFF— HENCE THE EXPRESSION—"THE POOR FISH"
By BUD FISHER,
rS THE lir
WHATM
1 RoUBLE,DEAR?, SAID I'M VERY ILL!
HE SAID"I NEEDED
GOTTA GO To
li THE SEASHORE To GET
'4 me SEA BREEZES AND I'M
, BRoI4 !
0. iG.,M'LovE.i NoW
JUST HOLD STILL! —
°
- a=µ
I` BRINGING THE
= SEA BREEZES To You -
I'M FANNING you =
WITH A HERRING!
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REG'LAR FELLERS—A New High in Reading
1
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---
By GENE BYRNES
N;-
e.