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HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-06-20, Page 7JUST IN FUN l Easy The vicar was taking one of the young men of his parish to task. "11Villiam," he said gravely, "1 Bear that you have been raising false hopes in several maiden hearts. Rumor says that you're en- gaged to one girl in this village, another in Little Mudard, and a 'third in Ditchley. How can you do such a thing?" With an uneasy grin, William replied: 'Well, sir, I've got a bicycle," Triple Order In preparation for a coming event tittle Joan had been told that Daddy was ordering a small brother. Triplets arrived, and when Joan beard that she said to her mother: "Why didn't you order a baby yourself? You know how Daddy stutters?" Not Responsible The wife of a recently -married Aberdonian had successfully under- gone an operation for appendicitis. A day or two after the operation her husband was having a whisky with the doctor, who in a moment of forgetfulness mentioned that the operation should have taken place two or three years earlier. The father-in-law received the biJJ. Ernbarrasing Little Boy: "I met Mr. Jones in the street going to scLool and he said he w .need to see papa about something;, and he called papa a e-alking encyclopedia." Marna: "Indeed! And what did zny little pet say to Mr. Jones?" Little Boy: "I called hien an old centipede and threw a snowball et him." The Attraction Shopwaike.: "T h a t eustomer was hanging round fur a long time. What did he want to see?" Pretty assistant (coyly): "Me, sir." Superstitious The young pian wrapped his arms round the pretty girl. "My darling," he breathed, "you're all the world to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love---" At that moment, the doorbell rang. The girl jumped up. "It's my fiance," she gasped. "You must leave at once. Oh, hurry!" The young man looked around nervously. "But bow am I going to • leave?" he asked anxiously. "I can't go out by the door, Your fiance would see me." The girl thought quickly. "Jump out of the window," she advised. "But we're on the thirteenth floor." The girl stamped her foot. "So what?" she rasped. "At this stage are you going to tell me you're superstitious." Needs Encouragement "You sold me a car two weeks ago." • "Yes, sir." "Tell me again all you said about it then. I'm getting dtscouraged." Misunderstood The customer was choosing a book at the library. "Have you had "Seven Years With the Wrong Woman?" asked the assistant. "No, twelve!" snapped the cus- tomer. "But What's that to do with you?„ Doubting Tommy The sailor home on leave was telling his fiancee's family some rather tall tales of his adventures. All listened enthralled, except the youngest son, who was obvi- ously unimpressed. "You see, Tommy," said the sailor, after one extra - startling story."I always believe in fighting the enemy with his own weapons." "Oh, yeah!" sneered the lad. "And how long does it take you to sting a wasp?" She Would At a local first-aid class, the question of fainting came up. The :instructor explained to the class that the cause of fainting was primarily a fault of circulation and that it could be prevented by getting the head lower than the heart. "For instance," he said, "if you feel faint, and don't want to call attention to it, just lean down and tie your shoe lace over again. A woman itt front asked: "'What sort of knot is used?" VOICE OF THE PRESS THE HARD WAY It can't be very good fur people to get the idea — as they easily might — that one infallible way to have industrial peace is to have a world war on at the same time. -- Vancouver Province, THE LITTLE FELLOW The logging strike in British Co- lumbia has operators and loggers "up a tree." And, as usual, the little guy way out on the dead branch is John Public, —St. Catharines Standard. DIFFERENT WORK And if some men expended as much energy in trying to earn a dollar as they do in trying to bor- row one, they would never have need to borrow. — Brandon Sun. THOUGHT FOR TOMORROW The world, says a contemporary, seems to be at the stage of deciding whethei it will go all out for good or go out for good and all. — St. Thomas Times -Journal. MODERN TRAGEDY Add modern tragedies: the predic- ament of the catt,eman who ship- ped all his steers to Chicago, then made the rounds of the restaurants but couldn't find one steak! — Christian Science Monitor. COMMON SENSE ON ROADS Good motor cars and good roads have added much to the sum total of human happiness. Used properly, they form one of the greatest bene- fits of the age, Abused they be- come a source of serious danger. It is only common sense to do our utmost to secure safety on the highways. — Guelph Mercury. THAT'S A TRAGEDY More accidents occur in the kit- chen than in any other room in the house. Included, perhaps, are hi - stances of cakes falling in the oven. — Stratford Beacon -Herald. BUT NOT MOUTHS The mind is like a parachute; it works best when it's open. — Stratford Beacon -Herald. m U. S. State Head HORIZONTAL VERTICAL 1 Pictured goer- 1 Cautioned ernor, — 2 Pressed 11.. ._ 3 Limb 11 War god 4 Lone Scout (ab.) 5 Affirm 6 Female ' servant 7 Within 8 Permit 9 Greater 12 It proceeds (music) 13 Tidy 19 Leaping amphibian 15 Blood vessel 17 Snare size 18 Girl's name 10 Posture 20 City on Mont- 14 Card game real island 15 Votre Erni- 22 African pence (ab.) antelope 16 Chaos 23 Female ruff 18 Places 25 Build 20 He is gover- 27 More unusual 28 Solicitudes 29 Symbol for samarium 30 Thoron (sym.) 31 Muse of poetry 34 Be in accord 38 Native of Rome 39 Driving lines 40 Short sleep 41 Gateways 46 Make an edging 47 Merganser 49 Low sand hill 50 Third power (math.) 51'Great' Lake 53 Near 54 Fuel 55 Judicnble in A Pilin CV d,, I',e%1ou, Puz, P OL1 -'E ,L ,.. ,© A EN + ORE ST ;5111 1i` M © T E E E O R FAR sae D L A N A 5 T A G RN,- 8T.0S T�11'li �• M1>ioi1 Gln. 1 `)f►. iiC7i O E T E V5 BT PAULINE LORD EArS Al•1 c C nor of --- 37 Royal Italian 21 Drinks o8 the family name gods 42 Alleged force 24 Roman god- 43 480 sheets' dess 44 Against 26 Stove 45 Compass point 31 Sea eagles 48 Intellect 32 Wandered 50 Male swan 33 Unit of 52 Ells English electricity (ab.) 35 Ceremony 54 Symbol for 36 Render capable calcium STUFF AND THINGS • "I don't recognize the face— but the whistle is familiar !" STUFF AND THINGS —111.4101 "Well, whadda ya know! Ev- erything just as I left it twen- ty -years ago-" TOO MANY BOSSES Everybody wants to boss some- body and there is always somebody who wants to boss everybody, -- Brandon Sun. EIGHT PLUS EIGHT Most farmers are on eight-hour shifts -- eight. hours before dinner, and eight hours after. — Farmer's Advocate. MISLEADING Next time a girl boasts to you of her bird -like appetit be sure to tell her that a bird eats the equiv- alent of its own weight every day. Peterborough Examiner. HUSH Please don't tell that Detroit union, but we painted one of our kitchen chairs last night. Windsor Star. NOTE TO MOTORISTS The motorist who picks up strangers is not only liable to be robbed, but he is helping someone to break the law, Ile may be help- ing a criminal escape pursuit. The best advice that .can be offered is, do not pick up hitch -hikers. It is hard to pass a seemingly honest seeker of a ride, but this is a case where it is better to be safe than sorry. — Saint John Telegraph -Journal. CATCH 'EM YOUNG There's nothing like snaffling the young delinquent before it's too late. Note in a Valparaiso, Ind., paper: "At the age of 90 he joined the church, and thereafter led an exemplary life." — Ottawa Citizen. INDIA TROBLEMY1 At the same time the failure of the Indian leaders to agree will scarcely surprise the unprejudiced observer. Indian nationalism hal demanded independence for many years now; at no time have Indian leaders been able to conceive of a formula that will achieve that in. dependence and at the same time guarantee minority rights, — Montreal Gazette, FAMILIES APPRECIATE the grand, satisfying flavor of Maxwell House Coffee. They love the fragrant. goodness of the choice Latin-American coffees that distinguish this su- premely fine and delicious blend. D'J'EVER COi-1-ECEs FEES, SCHOOL TAXes soo+4S AND MORE SOoKS. TH6 Y Musr " 14I N k I'ivl A MILLioNAIRE OH, NOW, 0O NN, YOU wAN'T THE CHILDREN TO SE $MAt2r, t)oN'T You THS it,D5 'rp-DAY 605 f HALF THEIR LIVES IN SCHOOL" ! WAS EARNING MY ©wN t.svING WHEN WAS THEIR AGE, O'J'EVR START To GPI Pe.A80uT HOW Pv1UCl-1 IT'S COSTING YOU TO PUT VOL . SON THtOUcH COLLEGE AND OAUCHTER -n-trz 5I.3Gji HiGH 5'CWOoL. N1C0 GOING ,K?DE, I KNEW YoU' O COME THROUGM--- 1'M PROUD OP you/ ar ///G1/!`Gdfferri AND YOU t0 A SONG ,.AND OANCE ABour HAVING DONE ALL. RICHT IN THE SUSINESS WOR LO,EVENTHOUCt-I YOU 01D LEAVE SC1-IOOL AT f OVRTEEN AJoTHIUC LIKE GIVING CHILDREN A Goma EDUCAT1oN ---NO MATTER HOW muCH IT' COSTS, THAT'S WHAT i SAY mfr ivt.. 8uT THE NEXT YEAR, WHEN YOUR Solt Ce -re HIS DEGREE AND THE DAUGHTER PASBES WITH ToP HONORS. IN HER CLASS, You FEEL. PRoU0 A5 PUNcH trallornIza AWES a ®m DveveR DECIDE DIGHT THERE AND THEN 'MAT FIELPING TO PAY PORI AND TAR?NG AN INYE REST I:t THE PROPER EDUCATION 0P - OUR yoUTH>IS A PEAL. P12iViLFCE / PUBLISHED Ild THE NATIONAL INTEREST BY 6-6W BREWERY POP—Hot News y J. MILLAR WATT THIS PAPER ROASTS tY RYSOPV 1 € NIDA II Oh Boy! Throw Me a Few Thousand Shovels By BUD FISHER ---- - No JEIFF, IN oRUER To FACILITATE THE DIGGING OF MIS WELL, WE'LL e�ItlRK IN RELAYS! 1 SEE WHERE % GET THE FIRST RELAY, :�,.. f /t r rri 'Atm, IF I ICI DIGGING' STRAIGHT' DAWN THROUGH THE EARTH INHERE WOULCI 1 COME OU`f? • .,;1, !l'I,�. 0� aAil�I�lAIU = ^'�•^-.. - -s 4 3 . if- �;.. ,ll, �� I ��'v'"V1��f "§ 5 6 ii COMIN' GROUND. GROUND? : ;:d •- .,, dJ 7' 8 9 to - : A n : ;" .4'...Ik" .--•• :e till I f l � ',,✓� .•• F._ it t`yi j ' ^! r 1�``I ., — �'i' -Lr,- � - O OR 4 AMI NAVE _I;l �I�1 _' Vi m_.___._ e ,c,. %-- Pi A'. �? �5", lT. ' 13 t415 c F ' 16 1'' y 117 ,J,1 19 0' N;: 20 • 21 r1gOzz teats;' 27 33 35 ..,... n4 • :; ;r>.. La 30 31 35 36 37 38 39 40 L, • .,Ir 41 4.3 4/4- •1.A1-6 ;'. :-.I, 47 48 00 t.., 50 51 57. ^ 53 ■ 5y 1=111 MIMI ,1 STUFF AND THINGS • "I don't recognize the face— but the whistle is familiar !" STUFF AND THINGS —111.4101 "Well, whadda ya know! Ev- erything just as I left it twen- ty -years ago-" TOO MANY BOSSES Everybody wants to boss some- body and there is always somebody who wants to boss everybody, -- Brandon Sun. EIGHT PLUS EIGHT Most farmers are on eight-hour shifts -- eight. hours before dinner, and eight hours after. — Farmer's Advocate. MISLEADING Next time a girl boasts to you of her bird -like appetit be sure to tell her that a bird eats the equiv- alent of its own weight every day. Peterborough Examiner. HUSH Please don't tell that Detroit union, but we painted one of our kitchen chairs last night. Windsor Star. NOTE TO MOTORISTS The motorist who picks up strangers is not only liable to be robbed, but he is helping someone to break the law, Ile may be help- ing a criminal escape pursuit. The best advice that .can be offered is, do not pick up hitch -hikers. It is hard to pass a seemingly honest seeker of a ride, but this is a case where it is better to be safe than sorry. — Saint John Telegraph -Journal. CATCH 'EM YOUNG There's nothing like snaffling the young delinquent before it's too late. Note in a Valparaiso, Ind., paper: "At the age of 90 he joined the church, and thereafter led an exemplary life." — Ottawa Citizen. INDIA TROBLEMY1 At the same time the failure of the Indian leaders to agree will scarcely surprise the unprejudiced observer. Indian nationalism hal demanded independence for many years now; at no time have Indian leaders been able to conceive of a formula that will achieve that in. dependence and at the same time guarantee minority rights, — Montreal Gazette, FAMILIES APPRECIATE the grand, satisfying flavor of Maxwell House Coffee. They love the fragrant. goodness of the choice Latin-American coffees that distinguish this su- premely fine and delicious blend. D'J'EVER COi-1-ECEs FEES, SCHOOL TAXes soo+4S AND MORE SOoKS. TH6 Y Musr " 14I N k I'ivl A MILLioNAIRE OH, NOW, 0O NN, YOU wAN'T THE CHILDREN TO SE $MAt2r, t)oN'T You THS it,D5 'rp-DAY 605 f HALF THEIR LIVES IN SCHOOL" ! WAS EARNING MY ©wN t.svING WHEN WAS THEIR AGE, O'J'EVR START To GPI Pe.A80uT HOW Pv1UCl-1 IT'S COSTING YOU TO PUT VOL . SON THtOUcH COLLEGE AND OAUCHTER -n-trz 5I.3Gji HiGH 5'CWOoL. N1C0 GOING ,K?DE, I KNEW YoU' O COME THROUGM--- 1'M PROUD OP you/ ar ///G1/!`Gdfferri AND YOU t0 A SONG ,.AND OANCE ABour HAVING DONE ALL. RICHT IN THE SUSINESS WOR LO,EVENTHOUCt-I YOU 01D LEAVE SC1-IOOL AT f OVRTEEN AJoTHIUC LIKE GIVING CHILDREN A Goma EDUCAT1oN ---NO MATTER HOW muCH IT' COSTS, THAT'S WHAT i SAY mfr ivt.. 8uT THE NEXT YEAR, WHEN YOUR Solt Ce -re HIS DEGREE AND THE DAUGHTER PASBES WITH ToP HONORS. IN HER CLASS, You FEEL. PRoU0 A5 PUNcH trallornIza AWES a ®m DveveR DECIDE DIGHT THERE AND THEN 'MAT FIELPING TO PAY PORI AND TAR?NG AN INYE REST I:t THE PROPER EDUCATION 0P - OUR yoUTH>IS A PEAL. P12iViLFCE / PUBLISHED Ild THE NATIONAL INTEREST BY 6-6W BREWERY POP—Hot News y J. MILLAR WATT THIS PAPER ROASTS tY RYSOPV 1 € NIDA II Oh Boy! Throw Me a Few Thousand Shovels By BUD FISHER ---- - No JEIFF, IN oRUER To FACILITATE THE DIGGING OF MIS WELL, WE'LL e�ItlRK IN RELAYS! 1 SEE WHERE % GET THE FIRST RELAY, :�,.. f /t r rri 'Atm, IF I ICI DIGGING' STRAIGHT' DAWN THROUGH THE EARTH INHERE WOULCI 1 COME OU`f? • .,;1, !l'I,�. 0� aAil�I�lAIU = ^'�•^-.. - -s PT J! yOH,You'p COME OUT IN CHINA OR JAPAN! i' _-!�' (I — x.4..9 - •Ali , IiG „t !t' J WHAT'S THROUGH i r to- �;.. ,ll, �� I ��'v'"V1��f "§ ^dna,,"nn.,...„, THIS A GOPHER? tlI ,q , LOOK! THE -O ii COMIN' GROUND. GROUND? : ;:d •- .,, dJ 1$ t I, I'`1 �� y�yop .4.',..,".+,� 5 TWATS JAY! ^, ' 0; i %�fL� A • I /.r" -c.:,Fat�,. a,. p ” fJf��" I( !? sem'/-.✓lJ" - : A n : ;" .4'...Ik" .--•• :e till I f l � ',,✓� .•• F._ le 1.11 I}� �i i �` 0'.0 -'ma.- t`yi j ' ^! r 1�``I ., — �'i' -Lr,- � - O OR 4 AMI NAVE _I;l �I�1 _' Vi m_.___._ e ,c,. %-- Pi A'. �? Off? GONNA SUN! ! i �kI i �r 11' 1 I I M, Gitr . 5 "�'�s ' RFC, 't .AR FELLFRS—Wonder Child HAND WELL'. WEL MAH 3510. +URE . -- ` BUT WHAT CF. E? By GENE BYRNES .5URE ITS ONEY A BABY CARRIAGE ZOMEONE. Is .5E1 -LIN"! i KNOW aur 7F1t ONE I5 Fb'R01� FOLDING B u,Yt 01PN YA GE -r mAT? `: 4 1 4 4 4 .4 4