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HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-05-16, Page 3JUST. IN FUN Lr..ss Tears Please She was complaining to her dairyman about the quality of his nnilk. "Short o' grass feed, nluna; spurt et' grass feed at this time ul the year," said the milkman. "Bless you, them cotes of mine are Inst as sorry as I am. 1 often stands and watches 'em crying because they feel somehow as their milk don'/ do 'em credit, You don't believt ane?" "Oh, yes, I believe you," said the woman, coldly, "but 1 wish to future you'd see they don't let all the tears go into my bottle." Very Considerate The elderly spinsters were look- ing after two evacuee children. Later a third arrived, an indepen- dent little Londoner, aged 11, On his first evening he was al- lowed to sit up with his hostesses after. the Children had gone to bed. Polite boredom set in, At abdut a quarter to 10 the lad could bear it no longer. "Well," he said brightly, "if you two would like to pop out for a quick one, I'll keep my eye on the kids upstairs." THE SPORTING THING � tk,l4 ( )`1 +iq "No, y,pu tell me your score— " grave mine first last time!" A Good Thing "1 a,ant," said the house -hunter, "a small house in an isolated pos- ition at least five miles from any other house." see," said the house agent, vtith :n understanding smile. y u want to practise the simple "No" answered the househun- ter;" [ want to practise the trom- bone." -Shortened Life ._."If you get up earlier in the morning than .your neighbour," sa the town philosopher, "and work harder and scheme more and stray up later planning how to make more money than your neighbour, and burn the midnight oil planning how to get ahead ora him 'chile he is snoozing, nut onIV will you leave more money when yo die than he will, but you will do it a darn sight sooner." Which? 'rite conceited young man was even ruore baring than usual. "It's a fact," he said with pride, "that people often take me for a member of the Guards." His pretty companion was not impressed. `Really? she drawled. "Fire-- railway—mud—or black? THE SPORTING THING `e can't seem to recall the name, but the face is familiar!" Aid Needed A bishop attended a banquet and asclums;' waiter dropped a plate of hot soup in his lap. The clergy- man glanced around with a look of agony and exclaimed: "Will some layman Meese say something appropriate." Cruel h.. was one of those very small cars and it had run out of gaso- line, 1<nowing' the nearest garage was three miles away, the motor- ist stood beside the road and sig- nalled for Lelp. A large and magnificent car stopped, and out stepped a man in a fur -lined chat, "Could, you spar.' me a drop of gas?" asked the stranded one. "I've run right out." The exilensively dressed man eyed the tiny vehicle and said curtly: 'it's not $3115 you want, It's a new f11-' FIFE'S LIKE THAT MRS. PIP`f.4 DIARY ,rj w By ,Fred "But k do pay don't tell me some attention to your lectures on economy . . you haven't noticed how skimpy your lunches have been lately. a 1 Noveitst HORIZONTAL (symbol.) 1 Pictured 4 Path author, — 5 Before 6 East Central 13 Age (ab.) 14 Architectural 7 New I-Iamp- units shire (ab.) 15 Be indebted 8 Tiny 1.6 Biblical 9 Ideologies pronoun 10 Therefore 17 Individual 11 Have [8 Australian 1.2 Bright color bird 17 Ocean (ab.) 20 North Dakota 19 Upward (ab.) 21 Skill 21 High card 23 Mimic 22 Health resort. 24 Afternoon 24 By 26 Vegetable 29 Partners 32 Equals 34 Negative 35 Aluminum (symbol) 36 Transmits 39 South Pacific island 43 Exclamation of laughter 44 Lyric poem 45 Barricade 48 Head covering 50 Rhode Island (ab.) 52 Female deer 54 Vat 55 Father 57 Vase 59 Sharpshooter 62 Possesses 63 She has writ- ten one of the VERTICAL 1 Lock opener 2 Exist 3 Tantalum (ab.) 25 Each (ab.) 27 Erbium (symbol) 28 Like 30 Finish Answer to f'reviou.K Puzzle ©®000 le" O07rME7 Pte. 00mile lar: Gt©01�►I® mom NM. DWIGHT GREEN lifilMIWN • DI II 31 Distress signal 49 Bachelor of 32 Strike lightly Arts (ab.) 33 Yale 50 Go swiftly 36 South Amer 51 Anger ica (ab.) 53 Abstractbeint 37 Exclamation 54 Golf device 38 Grab 55 Standard of 40 Cleaning value device 56 Donkey 41 Hypothetical 58 Northwest force (ab.) 42 Musical note 60 That one .46 Paid notice 61 Postscript 47 Flower (ab.) 48 Wavy hair 62 Him 3o Si VOICE, OF THE PitlE1.JS Another Killer Toronto's principal coroner ad- vises men who are over 50 to avoid fatigue. The trouble is that if you devote yourself to avoiding fatigue, which is had for you, it is quite likely that you will snake the ac- quaintance of boredom, which will kill you just as fast, —Peterborough Examiner. Self -Control First A United States senator comes close to the truth when he claims that what we must control is not the atomic bomb, nor the scientist who snakes it, but the ability to make war. In short, we must con- trol ourselves. —Chatham News. Many Succeed The Woolworth heiress, denying she would marry a fourth time, said "you can't go on being a fool for- ever." However, one can always try, and it's astonishing how many people succeed. —Ottawa Journal. Please Pass the Eggs Among the numerous schemes for easing the meat shortage, there's a recipe out for "mock sausage" made of cereal. But in face of the wheat shortage it would obviously have to be a "mock cereal" made of sawdust, which in view of the lumber shortage would have to be a "mock sawdust" made of hevvins knows what. We shall pass up the sausage and eat eggs! —Ottawa Citizen. 'Long, Long Ago Then there were the good old days when housewives s had a bag of sugar in the attic, a barrel of apples in the cellar and a big crock of butter in the ice -box. 0, mem orieS? P .,Stratford Beacon -Herald. ;e, Up But Not On Asphalt roofing has gone up but not on new housing. —Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph. Professor at Large A.bsent-minded professors are the subject of a good many jokes. Be- lieve it or not, some time• ago, a professor of an Ontario university could not find his train ticket for the conductor, He was told he would have to buy another ticket. His distress was terrific, because he had to find his` original ticket to know where he was going. —St. Catharines Standard. Hid It In The Store In a Winnipeg groceteria a woman shopper halted at the cash- ier's counter with a package of shortening atop her basket. The cashier clerk stared for a moment, then said: "Madam, where did you get that? \Ve had shortening yes- terday, but it was sold in a few minutes." "I know," said the shopper tri- umphantly. "I was here yesterday too, but I didn't have enough money. So I hid the shortening in the store until today!" —Maclean's Magazine SUBURBAN HEIGHTS By GLUYAS W[1,LiAMe A DEFINI1E PALL 5EfILED OVER MR5.PERLEP5 B1R'(riDAY 'PAR'(( WHEN SHE "(RANKED MRS. "PLUMER 'FOR fl1E BOON L•NP5 WN1C1-!,1' 5EEMS, MRS PLUMER HAP RECEIVE'? Af CI')R15fMA5 'FROM MRS. 6RIf25.F3Y WHO PAD WoN '(NEM 1'rIE SUMMER BEFORE Al'1'4E BRIDGE- 'PAR'R Al' 1-15 I.APPE1'1 ' dlMeuen 11174 5"11 *Wiest., t,,.l ,Gat rAgrV POP—Went to Pop's Head I've JUST' se N -r-tE Ne,*( FALL HATS 714, 5,11 $7'dk Ie, 15,0 By J. MILLAR WATT 111 You SAID I^t' MUTT AND JEFF— Oh Well, You Might As Well Sit Down and Wait a While By BUD FISHER WHAT§THIS GIRLS BRAGGING ABOUT? You'RE NAME �„' li -..y.., BELIEVE SHOW ri:nA .5 6 5 g_ .9. _ totom• WELL,UP WHERE IS IT? s �� ■ ..3 ' -rat.._ BUT 11 TII-I ATTHI oFTt{I: j t,• • 'f II ,2s) l,, , 1 a 4. AIN'TCNA NA GONNA .15 ti j`ji5 3m' J u w 1 g'l h;rr 3o Si VOICE, OF THE PitlE1.JS Another Killer Toronto's principal coroner ad- vises men who are over 50 to avoid fatigue. The trouble is that if you devote yourself to avoiding fatigue, which is had for you, it is quite likely that you will snake the ac- quaintance of boredom, which will kill you just as fast, —Peterborough Examiner. Self -Control First A United States senator comes close to the truth when he claims that what we must control is not the atomic bomb, nor the scientist who snakes it, but the ability to make war. In short, we must con- trol ourselves. —Chatham News. Many Succeed The Woolworth heiress, denying she would marry a fourth time, said "you can't go on being a fool for- ever." However, one can always try, and it's astonishing how many people succeed. —Ottawa Journal. Please Pass the Eggs Among the numerous schemes for easing the meat shortage, there's a recipe out for "mock sausage" made of cereal. But in face of the wheat shortage it would obviously have to be a "mock cereal" made of sawdust, which in view of the lumber shortage would have to be a "mock sawdust" made of hevvins knows what. We shall pass up the sausage and eat eggs! —Ottawa Citizen. 'Long, Long Ago Then there were the good old days when housewives s had a bag of sugar in the attic, a barrel of apples in the cellar and a big crock of butter in the ice -box. 0, mem orieS? P .,Stratford Beacon -Herald. ;e, Up But Not On Asphalt roofing has gone up but not on new housing. —Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph. Professor at Large A.bsent-minded professors are the subject of a good many jokes. Be- lieve it or not, some time• ago, a professor of an Ontario university could not find his train ticket for the conductor, He was told he would have to buy another ticket. His distress was terrific, because he had to find his` original ticket to know where he was going. —St. Catharines Standard. Hid It In The Store In a Winnipeg groceteria a woman shopper halted at the cash- ier's counter with a package of shortening atop her basket. The cashier clerk stared for a moment, then said: "Madam, where did you get that? \Ve had shortening yes- terday, but it was sold in a few minutes." "I know," said the shopper tri- umphantly. "I was here yesterday too, but I didn't have enough money. So I hid the shortening in the store until today!" —Maclean's Magazine SUBURBAN HEIGHTS By GLUYAS W[1,LiAMe A DEFINI1E PALL 5EfILED OVER MR5.PERLEP5 B1R'(riDAY 'PAR'(( WHEN SHE "(RANKED MRS. "PLUMER 'FOR fl1E BOON L•NP5 WN1C1-!,1' 5EEMS, MRS PLUMER HAP RECEIVE'? Af CI')R15fMA5 'FROM MRS. 6RIf25.F3Y WHO PAD WoN '(NEM 1'rIE SUMMER BEFORE Al'1'4E BRIDGE- 'PAR'R Al' 1-15 I.APPE1'1 ' dlMeuen 11174 5"11 *Wiest., t,,.l ,Gat rAgrV POP—Went to Pop's Head I've JUST' se N -r-tE Ne,*( FALL HATS 714, 5,11 $7'dk Ie, 15,0 By J. MILLAR WATT 111 You SAID I^t' MUTT AND JEFF— Oh Well, You Might As Well Sit Down and Wait a While By BUD FISHER WHAT§THIS GIRLS BRAGGING ABOUT? You'RE NAME �„' li I DUNNO YET, 'BUT WHAT A DOLL! YOU NEVER IN YOU• LIFE SEEN A GIRLLIKEivjy NEW GIRL! c BELIEVE SHOW ri:nA I DONT YOU 0N, HER TO ME! PEACH! , �' i� SURE!' BOY WHAT' A :g ?ROVE IT! COME ON! WHERE DOES SHE LIVE?�� • StJ r rf�sy i. L E '7S� TDOWN THE STREET oNTHE CORNER! 'r3'/ .P '1 -i6 r'•. 'WHAT ON THE ? CORNER. CORNER UP THIS �► STREET! r l �� -- o a'�'-- Luigi.' �{ p / Y1”: % i///* �f 7 SAY, WE \ DOZENA WHERE I HER PLACE! DOWN V- AROUND THE powNR NE STREET! WELL,UP WHERE IS IT? s �� - 1ti ON CAR'7GOAN4 URTHER, lTOMORP.oW WE'RE END STRIP' r li -rat.._ BUT 11 TII-I ATTHI oFTt{I: j t,• • 'f II Ill,l f�ii �� .1l to , 1 a 4. AIN'TCNA NA GONNA .15 ti 3m' J w 1 Most Are happy We would do well to bear in )hind that for every war bride who is dissatisfied with life in this new country there may be scores who are very well pleased to be here and who intend to remain. Unfortunate- ly it is of the discontented that we hear the most. —Brockville .Recorder and Times. /0 TABLETS 454re ALL r DRUGSTORES kl Sweet and cool in any Pipe CANADA'S STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO na SAY B i LL —I -10W COME YOU DONT SEEM TO BE DOING MUCH FENCING LATELY? W I'VE BEE[( USING OSMOSE — MY POSTS ARE NOW LASTING 3TO S TIMES LONGEit�! gede SPECIAL - 'tCE P "' MIXTURE It's true -- 80% to 40 0 of the time and money spent on fencing can be saved by using "Osmose Special Fence Post Mixture" Treat the ground line only and make the whole post last 3 to 5 times longer For 3c to 4c per post. Any kind of post — Pine —.Spru- ce — Poplar H Willow or Cedar can be effectively treated with this well-known preservative mix- ture. Over 2,000,000 power and telephone poles and the millions- of farmers' fence posts treated with "Osmose" prove these facts "Osmose"really does a lob, even on green wood. Your dealer can supply you. REGI -AR FELLERS --Backing Him Up ')OCGON.E. i7! HE GOY AWAY° TOUGH LUCK PINHEAD! HE WAS A BEAU' TOO-- -• HE MUSTA BEEN FIFTEEN 'NINCHES ( WHATCNA ',ONG .' GIVIN' kit AW G1h1ANl US? YHER,E ~ AIN'T 'A FISH (IN TI -t' POND MORE'N TEN lt,Cr1ES LOr,6" r . By GENE BYRNES ttes HE, PROBERLY HAD A L'iL TWO INCH MiNNOW THE. LITTLE. GUY'S RIGHT BOYS -- I'M EXACTLY 147/5 INGr1E5 LONG! ITELL YA HE. WF\S 16 INCHES'- • \b . ),1 s raft. 7e r • ftVl�(Cr, '� Fat - Ieee