Zurich Herald, 1946-05-02, Page 3JUST IN FUNfi
..,
THE SPORTING THING
"It's those soap operas —
They've got her all in a
lather!"
THE SPORTING THING
"Offhand, I'd say Blodgett's
out for blood!"
Outrageous
There is a certain Scottish golf
course where Sunday play is al-
lowed; an.cl where one Sunday
morning an. English player hired a
caddie, and stood waiting with him
for his opponent to arrive.
The lovely morning caused the
golfer to whistle cheerfully, but no
sooner had he started than the
caddie threw down the clubs and
walked off. The golfer called to
him: "Hi, Macpherson, what's the
shatter?"
'What's the matter?" repeated
Macpherson. "D'you expect me to
carry for a man who whistles on
the Sabbath?"
Not At Home
"I understand that you called on
the complainant. Is that so?" de-
manded the browbeating barrister
of a man he was cross-examining.,
"Yes," replied the witness.
"What did he say?"
Counsel for the other side ob-
jected that evidence as to a conver-
sation was not admissable, and half
an hour's argument ensued. Then
the Court retired to consider the
point, announcing some time later
that they deemed the question a
proper one.
"Well, what did the plaintiff
say" repeated 'the cross-examining
barrister.
"He wasn't at hone, sir!" was
the answer.
He Missed
Hearing a crash on the platform,
She stationmaster clashed out of his
room. He was•, just in time to see
the tail of the train vanish from
sight, while a very dishevelled
young man lay fiat on his face,
surrounded by upset milkcaus and
the contents of his suitcase.
"Was he trying to catch the
train?" the official asked• a small
boy.
"Ile did catch it," replied the
lad, cheerfully; "but it got away
again."
Why the Excitement?
The golfer leaped up and down
and let out triumphant yells and•
bis drive dropped near the green
and 'rolled neatly into the cup.
' "What on earth is the matter
with you, Sam?" asked his wife,
who was getting her first intro-
duction to golf.
"Why, dear, I've just hit the
ball for a hole in one", exclaimed
her husbLnd.
"But isn't that what you're sup-
posed to try to do?" demanded the
unimpressed wife.
Only Shady Spot
A stout lady, wa]ki. through
the park on a very hot afternoon,
became aware that she was being
followed by a small boy.
"What do you mean by follow-
ing me about in this manner?" she
said crossly. "If you don't go away
at once I shall calla policeman."
"Oh, please don't do that, miss!"
i.he little boy said appealingly.
"You're the only shady spot in the
whole park."
Minor Detail
Mrs. Moggs (interviewing pro-
spective employer on behalf of
young Alf): My boy is willing to
start at five shilling a week, sir, if
yon will only give him a trial.
Prospective Employer: f would
Willingly do so if only I had work
for hie to do,
Mrs. Moggs: Well, he's not 'par-
ticular about that, sir,
VOICE OF THE PRESS
Job for a Lazy Man
An ingeniuus Texan, F. O. Aus-
ten, has developed a driverless
tractor for the farm, It is claimed
this machine can he left alone, ex-
cept for servicing and repairs. The
driverless feature is carried out by
a specially designed tractor guide
to keep the machine in the furrow.
—Regina Leader -Post.
. Conscience at Last
Field Marshal Keitel says some
of the things he did on Hitler's
order were really against his con-
science. It's amazing how many
Germans have developed con-
sciences since May of last year.
—.Woodstock Sentinel -Review.
It Probably Was
Just 20 years ago a ship captain
off Prince Rupert saw a sea serpent
raise its head 30 feet above the
Pacific waves. Nobody would have
believed hint, had he said it was a
Japanese submarine.
—Windsor Star.
1 Far East Leader
■
HORIZONTAL 62 Neat
1 Pictured U. S. 63 He is -- of
' Army leader, U. S. troops in
Lt. -Gen. A. C. China
VERTICAL
1 Tiny
2 Sea eagle
3 Exempli
gratia (ab.)
4 Supervisor
5 Organs of
sight
6 Make a
mistake
7 Flower
8 Flesh food
9 Coin
10 Decay
11 Rebuffs
17 Noise
19 Like
24 Any
8 God of war
12 Erbium
(symbol)
13 Merry
14 International
. language
15 Short jacket
16 Finish
18 Approaches
20 Aleutian island
21 East Indies
(ab.)
22 Donkey
23 Dine
25 Shrew
27 Dance step
29 Ocean (ab.)
31 Musical note
32 Long fish
33 Absolute
35 Performed
37 Winglike part
•38 Transpose
(ab.)
39 Therefore
40 Provide with
weapons .
42 Drag
44 Strike lightly
46 Greek letter
48 Edward (ab.)
50 Bristle
53 Pale
55 Tangle
57 Title of
nobility
58 Behold!
59 Route (ab.)
61 Sodium
(symbol.)
Warning
Now that the frost is out of the
ground, it is a timely reminder that
a soft answer turneth away wrath,
but a soft shoulder turneth a car
into the ditch.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Up -to -Date Notes
If you got everything you deserv-
ed, you would be hard up.
Some of this lipstick would be
better named post office red.
The trouble with too many peo-
ple is that they are better judges
of clothes than of character,
We are terribly bothered by bor-
rowing. None of the neighbors ever
seems to have what we want.
Peoples were just as wicked in
the old days, but at least they were
not so proud and boastful about it
then.
—Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph.
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Expect a Round -Trip
Army research workers believe
that many of us will live to see the
day when rockets are able to go to
the moon and back. Prospective
passengers will be particularly glad
to hear about the round-trip fea-
ture.
—The New Yorker.
Watch Against Waste
Watch those garbage pails! Any-
one who wastes food in these criti-
cal times, with so many people of
the world starving, is committing
a crime against humanity.
—Chatham News.
Controlled Inflation
A gadget is coming on the market
which will keep automobile tires up
to their proper pressure. Who said
there was not such a thing as con-
trolled inflation?
—.Peterborough Examiner.
Not Enough
The Alaska Highway isn't yet
ready for tourist traffic. In 1,600
miles it has only two filling
stations.
—Sault Ste. 1llarie Star.
Short Memot:as
It's strange how many people
forget that they are taught, when
babies, to stand up for themselves.
— Kitchener Record.
Broadminded
Railroads are planning to show
travel movies in their transcontin-
ental lounge cars. What could be
cuter than watching the Alps
while passing through the Rockies.
— Ottawa Citizen.
KOLL YOUR OWN WITH.
Macdonald1 s
FINE CUT
Jwilior Wins
A new testing device gives the
equivalent of 50 years wear and tear
on metal in four days, Or you can
buy Junior a bike, and he'll do it
in one day.
—Ottawa Citizen.
Take a Tip
The best garden tips are on the
end of asparagus stalks,
—Chatham. News.
Hal Hal
What's become of those heralded
rubber fenders that were to take
the dent out of accident?
—Buffalo Courier -Express.
Skies Not So Blue
Ouc of• our peacetime disillu-
sionments: lifting the wartihne
"ceilings" and finding the sky isn't
so blue.
— Vancouver Province
Hobby Fans
Build Your Own Mane
Two New Ail Balsa Wood
Precision Beam Flying
Models:
100 F-10 Taylor Craft Auster
100 F -Ii Stinson Sentinel,
$1.00 each — 30 in. models
100F-11
Stinson Sentinel
Also all Balsa Wood Flying Models of Popular Fighting Craft at
75c each (28 in. models) — Spitfire, Mosquito, Thunderbolt, Mus-
tang, Hell Diver, Typhoon, etc.
Send order or write for free catalogue (packing charge 5c extra)
ONTARIO HOBBY CRAFT MAIL ORDER,
137 Roselawn Ave., Toronto
"Wait Oscar — X gotta better idea. Throw in this package of
crisp, crunchy Grape -Nuts Flakes — 'rt` if THAT comes out you
better leave town"
"Now you're talkie'. Joe! The little
woman might toss my hat out again
but she'll never part with a package
of malty -rich, nut -sweet Post's
Grape -Nuts FIakes. And while she's
fondly caressing 'em, T'II sneak up-
stairs to bed."
"Sure enough these Grape -Nuts
Flakes are wonderful smile bait. And
they stick -to -your ribs, too — with
carbohydrates for energy; proteins
for muscle; phosphorus for teeth and
bones; iron for the blood; and other
food essentials."
"My wife knows that Grape -Nuts
Flakes are doubly good because
they're made of two grains—wheat
and malted barley—cleverly blended,
baked and then toasted for matchless
flavor, delightful crispness, easy diges-
tion. Those recipes on the package for
cookies and other good things will
catch her eye, too!"
THE SPORTING THING
"Silence, Spoke, I have
spooken!"
THE SPORTING THING
"You'd never guess Joe's
hobby—He raises porcupines!"
POP—On the Hoof
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO IN''EST YOUR
, MONEY IN A
TRAVELING
/'MILK BAR,
GOLD?'$ .. ?
By J. MILLAR WATT
8.13-A5
MUTT AND *JEFF— And Then Court Was Adjourned for Conciliation
FIVE DAYS NOW I'IE BEEI'IYMAY86
TRYIN'TOFIND OUT /HE
NAME OF THAT BEAUTIFUL
1 GIRL WHO LIVES ON
11, THAT CORNER!
YOU CAN
TELL ME
HER
NAME!
OFFICER,
THIS MAN
WAS TRYING
To FLIRT
WITH ME!
OH, A'
MASHER
HEW
I WASJOST
TRYIN'To
FINDOUT
TH AT GIRL'S
NAME WHO
LIVES UP
ON THE
CORNER!
GUILTY<
I DON'T
TOLERATE
MASHERS!
YOU'LL
SERVETIME
FORTHIS!
By BUD FISHER
NOW, 1S THERE ANYTHING
r'o,. You WISH -To SAY,
BEFORE 1
SENTENCE YOUR
You?
ES,
HOMOR!
WHAT IS THE NAMEoF
THE GIRL WHO LIVES
IN Ti -IE HON
THE: CORNER?USEo
YOU'VE
BEEN
OUT
WITH
HER!
REG'LAR FELLERS—Barren Ground
WHATCHA
WNW LIN'
HIM OUT
FOR,
NOW?
3
YOU NEVER.
DOPE i A
WITH HIS
DOUCN! i
By GENE BYRNES
COUPLA PAYS AGO
• AUNT . i✓
A 4'IAFFMINNEEA DOLLARCAVAPIECUSE,
• — NOVV NE'S fiR.OKE.
J. Hr. -.'s A R.EG''LA12.
SPEN'THRIF
o- hs•I
NOW
I 5' POSE
HE. wAN'rSTA
CHISEL SOME.
OF YOURS?
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