HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-04-25, Page 7[t JUST IN FUN
Don't Worry
The head of the house was read -
'frig a newspaper article very care-
fully. When he had come to the
end he remarked to his wife: "Do
you know, dear, 1 think there's
something in what this article says
—that the cleverness of the father
often proves a stumbling -block to
the son."
}Lis wife heaved a sigh of relict.
"Well, thank goodness," she
said, "our Bobby won't have any.
thing to fall overt"
Pick Another
The sea was calm and the cap-
tain decided it would be a good
time to satisfy the cabin boy's de-
sire to take the helm. He pointed
out the North Star to the boy, and
gave him explicit directions to steer
toward it all the time.
For a while everything went
well, but finally the young pilot
got into difficulty. "Captain," he
called "l've passed 'that star, will
you please come and pick out an-
other?"
Worth Disgrace
He was once the black sheep of
the family.
When he had won success he
presented himself at home again.
He told his father how Fortune
had smiled on him; he was earning
up to 150 a week.
"What—a week?" cried his
father.
"A week," was the reply.
"Then come inside," said dad.
"The family can stand a lot of dis-
grace for that."
Verified
Mrs. Jones was very proud of
her son, who showed promise as an
athlete.
"Yes, he must be a very fast
runner," she explained proudly to
a neighbor. "Look at this news-
paper report of the sports yester-
day. It says he fairly burned up
the track.
"And it's quite true," she added,
confidentially. "1 went to see the
track this morning, and it's noth-
ing but cinders."
THE SPORTING THING
"Please; No Whistling!"
Close Anyway
"Auntie, were you ever proposed
to?"
"Once, clear, a getleman asked
arse' to marry hint over the tele-,
phone, but he hacl the wrong
number."
Misunderstood
Counsel for the defence was
cross-examining a wil .ess.
"You have accounted for your
movements in the early afternoon
and evenilig," he said, "so will you
please tell the Court what you
were doink it. the interim?"
"1 didn't go there," replied the
nervous witness. "1 was in the
drawing room all the time."
Rather Breezy
The adtnir l was examining his
youngest officer's knowledge of
nautical matters,
"Suppose, young 'man," he rap -
pec, out, "you were in charge of
this ship and steaming slowly up
the Ganges when you received a
wireless message reporting a cy•
clone at sea, What would you do?"
The young man, somewhat flus-
tered, stammered: "l—I'd drop an
anchor, sir."
"Supposing you received anothu
message half an hour later that the
cyclone was over Calcutta, What
would you do then?"
"I -1'd drop another anchor,
sir."
The admiral looked far from sat-
isfied.
"But suppose it was ten times
Worse than that. What would you
do?"
The young man strove despair-
ingly to think of something bright.
At last he whispered: "I'd -1'd
drop another anchor, sir."
"Good Fleavenst" roared the ad-
miral, "where the deuce da von
get all the anchors?"
"Aad where the deuce," (he lun-
ior officer flung at hire desperate.
Iy, "do you get all the wind?"
THIS CURIOUS WORLD
By William Ferguson
IFWE EVER TRAVEL TO THE. MOON,
WHICH AT ITS NEAREST POSITION 15 STILL
224 000 4 /L ES AWAY.— WE'LL
HAVE ATMOSPHERE ONLY FOR THE
F/f2ST 300 r1v9/1.ES,/
CORR. 1944 BY NEA SERVICE, INC."
...gat.
4548,
M ACHRI��S,�TYj N
/yew York Gia/17`a/C•ie ;
ONCE WALKED /4 BATTERS
INA SINGLE GAME .,.ANI'
ONCE WENT 68 /N,V/NGS
WITHOUT WALKINGs41VY.'
T. M. REO, V. S. PAT. OFF
THE SUFI=IX "KILL, COMMON IN�
eASTERN AMERICAN NAMES,
MEANS WHArp
ANSWER, tt means "creek, river, or stream." in Dutch.
■
U. S. ADMIRAL
HORIZONTAL Answer to Previous
1 Pictured U. S.
admiral,
—, Jr.
11 North Amer-
ica (abbr.)
12 Dines.
13 Admit.
14 From.
16 Half an em. , r
17 Encourage, T 1. S Ti,„c
18 Interdiction. A V E i E O
19 "Cracker P A R E'k`,;N
State” (abbr.) EL I DE k.°
20 Pass. —lS N E A K
22 Lesser.
24 Leave out. 45
26 Over (poet.). 46
28 Fabulous bird. 47
48
51
55
Puzzle
JBAR0NESSORCZY
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29 Monkey.
30 Persian
governor,
A
R
33 Twisted
worsted yarn. 56 Whirlwind.
36 Upon. 57 Cereal grain.
37 Collar button. 59 South Dakota
39 Servant. (abbr.).
60 Period of
darkness.
62 Rocks.
64 Circular roof.
65 Singing voice.
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BARSrew
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Ask alms.
Street (abbr.)
Toward.
Entangle.
Pound (abbr.)
Rifle.
Either.
40 Us.
41 Alkaline
solution.
43 Self,
44 Age.
VERTICAL
1 Decrease.
2 He is one of
the U. S.
naval — in
the Pacific.
3 Labrador
(abbr.) .
4 Article.
5 Active.
6 Devastation,
7 Affirm.
8 Land parcel.
9 His planes
-- to attack
Tap ships.
10 Ascetic.
11 His headquar-
ters are in
-- Zealand.
15 Obese.
21 Negative word
23 At this time.
25 Miaow.
27 Degree.
29 Operatic air.
30 He won
victories in
the —
Islands.
31 An.
32 Kind of dog.
33 Vehicle.
34 Female sheep.
35 Tales.
38 Perform.
39 Myself.
42 Is (Latin).
45 Morass.
49 Dry.
50 Festival.
51 Missing.
52 Diminish.
54 One who uses.
56 Electrical unit
58 2000 pounds.
61 Proceed.
63 Negative
2
3
4
5
6
9
9
9
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two
26
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15
VOICE OF THE PRESS
Definition
A boarding house has been de-
fined as a place where hot water
conies out of the cold tap, and
cold water comes out of the hot
tap, and nobody ever conies out of
the bathroom.
— Peterborough Examiner,
Good News for Stingers
Mosquitoes, bees, sand flies and
just ordinary house and horse flies,
were no doubt delighted with 'the
style announcement that bare mid-
riffs were to be the vogue for
young ladies at summer resorts.
- St. Thomas Tines -Journal.
Smart Fellows
A Tokyo paper reveal§ that the
average Jap makes $120 a month
and spends $200, which shows how
darn'd clever those people are at
catching onto the white man's sys-
tem.
—Ottawa Citizen.
Heel Marks
We all make footprints in the
sands of time. But some leave th
imprint of a great soul, others the
marks of a heel.
—Edmonton Journal.
A Good Rule
Another good rule for motorists
to observe is that pedestrians
should be seen and not hurt.
—Kingston Whig -Standard.
Sure Bet
Ten -foot spinach is prophesied
by an expert grower in Wyoming.
And even at that height, there
will be sand right to the top of it.
—Windsor Star.
Kurds and Way
• The office punster wants to
know more about these Kurds in
Iran, and their whey of life.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
•
Wrong Method
You can't straighten out the
guy by hammering at • him —that
only flattens him out.
— Edmonton Journal.
Chance for 8,000
We read that 8,000 Ontario
farms are vacant. And yet there
are people who say that this is no
longer a land of opportunity. We
should be interested to see what
immigrants from Belgium, Nor-
w..y and Denmark would do with
those farms.
—Peterborough Examiner.
Kilts Remain
'We expected that to happen.
Defence Minister Abbott has an-
nounced that the kilt will continue
to be authorized for walking out
purposes, but that battle -dress will
be • used for operational duty; so
the picturesque dress will remain
to please all Scots and those who
like it.
— Niagara Falls Review
Slap Them Into Jail
A black-market butter dealer to
Montreal was fined $1,000. That is
all very well, but a fine alone is
not enough for those who make
a dirty profit for themselves out
or the butter shortage and obstruct
o, -ficial efforts at even distribution.
—Ottawa Journal.
Keep Thmm Busy
Judge Joseph Wearing says the
need today is a sane, modern
method of dealing with juvenile
crime. Greater use of the strap
and shorter prison terms were sug-
gested. The sugge.tion may be all
right from a prison angle but the
real way to curb juvenile crime is
to start with the parents and then
keep the youtl.s so busy at con-
trolled activities they will not have
time for crime.
— London, Ont., Echo.
Not To Be Caught
The young politician stood flash-
ed -'th pride and happiness as
his fri:nds gathered about him to
congratulate him upon his nomina-
tion to the state legislature.
"Were you surprised when they
nominated you?" a friend inquired.
"Was I?" exclaimed the not -so -
dumb vote -seeker. "I was so sur-
prised that my acceptance speech
nearly fell out of nay hand."
— Wall Street Journal.
Faster Than Nylons
A Newark woman wouldn't
come out of a burning house be-
cause she couldn't find her stock-
ings. The firemen, though, had
plenty of hose, so she was rescued.
— Guelph 1llercury,
And ' Find It
Some men go about looking for
temptation to yield to.
— Brandon Sun.
THE: SPOPTING THING
TO BE POPULAR as a
hostess, serve Maxwell
House Coffee. It contains
choice Latin -Americana
coffees .. , the finest ob.
tainable. It's blended by
experts with traditional
knowledge and skill.
THE smaTNSOO'TING
"Hmm—guess he got tired of hangin' around !"
REG'LAR FELLERS—Alarming
11„
WELL FOR. ONCE
`YOUR. FACE. 15 '
WASHED AND YOUR
CLOTHES AILE CLEAN'
Symptoms
AND 1 SEE
YOU'VE PUT YOUR
TOYS AWAY AND
TIDIED UP
YOUR. ROOM!
YES 'M
NEED ANY
ERRANDS DONE
BE'rORE 1 GO
OUT T' PLAY
MOM'.
Mgr? T? SAY!!
WHAT GOES
ON HERS ?
By GENE BYRNES
LOOK HIM OVER THOROUGHLY
DOCTOR, AND TELL ME THE WORST,
ITS ALL TOO GOOD TO
ETRUE!
HUM!
10-23
POP—Wrong Audience
NOT A 13 1.1 N X 0 N G
PEN6Y IN Ti-1IR0 F
MILES QF 'ENV ..r
I'M I -40T U PO E
By J. MILLAR WATT
--T•1-1EY DA THEIR OWN
WH ISSTU 11cs
IN THIS
UQ I GAD
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