Zurich Herald, 1946-04-18, Page 7JUST IN FUN 1
Thrif,v
1h0111as Was rather thrifty. On
a visit tt the United States he de-
cided to si 'c a telegram to his
frost.
On inquiring at the post office
he was to the charge, but that
the sender's name would be free.
"That' splendid," he replied,
*'I'm a Red Indian and my name
i "Cannacomthemoru Tani." •
His Reason
"Why didn't you marry?" in-
quired the young man of the old
bachelor.
"Well, you see," replied the bach-
elor, "when 1 was quite young 1
rtesolved that 1 wouldn't marry un-
til 1 found the ideal woman. After
xnany years 1 found her."
"And :hen?"
"She was looking for the ideal
xnan," replied the bachelor, sadly.
Just Like That
Marriage resembles a pair of
shears, so joined that they cannot
be separated; often moving in op-
posite directions, yet always pun-
ishing anyone who comes between
ihent.
THE SPORTING THING
"Never mind Johnston —
they'll do that at the mill!"
To His Advantage
Two strangers in a first class
rompartmen, were in a friendly
conversation. The ,vi.idows had
ibeen closed by previous occupants,
and the desultory tr.lk had drifted
to the subject of ventilation.
"I make it," said one, "an invari-
able practice to advise people to
sleep with their bedroom windows
open all the year round."
"Ho, ho!" laughed the other. "It
im easy to see your profession."
"Indeed, and what do you think
it is?"
"It is fairly obvious," carne the
truly in lofty tones, 'that you're a
doctor."
Not at :a11," retorted the first,
very confidentially. "To tell you
the truth., I'm—a burglar!"
Hard Luck
After try4m to vain to ,get a
house, 13ruu n set out one morning
with a find -a -!tot .c-ur-die look un
his Nee. Ile w turlered about all
day v itlxo"t being successful, till
at fast his steps led hila to the
river.
"AIL!" hr aid, t.1 utter despair.
"how temp ing it looks!"
Suddenly be heard ;t splash, and
looking round, he saw l'is friend
Green struggling in the water.
Without attempting ,A.1 save ILitu,
he 1us1 ed off to the local house
agent.
Learned His Lesson
The memory expert had been
giving his turn in the village hall.
The audience had not been enthusi-
astic, and the questions asked at
the end of the show really infuri-
ated the man.
When one dear old lady `came up
and asked him to what he attri-
buted his remarkable memory, he
thought it was tint" to call it a day.
"Well, madam," he explained,
without a smile, ''when I was in
the Air Force, I once had to make
a parachute jump from a height
never before attempted, Just as I
jumped from the 'plane, the pilot
leaned over the side and yelled: 'Hi,
you've forgotten your parachute!'
Believe it or not, madam, that
taught me a lesson, and I've never
forgotten anything since."
v
"Quick," he gaspcl. "Green has
fallen m the rivet. Can 1 have
his house?"
"Sot ry, sir," said the house
agent. "I ;already let it to the ma.t
typo pushed him in."
Changed
"By Jove," said a stranger at a
dance, "what a long and lanky girl
that is over there!"
"Hush," his host whispered. "She
used to be long and lanky — but
nowadays she's tall and stately,
She's lust• inherited a million,"
.e
in the Cart
"What's this I hear, flight-lieu-
tentant? I'm told you were so
drunk last night you pushed a
wheelbarrow .through .the .native
quarter. Is that the way to keep
up our prestige with these people?"
"You ought to know, sir. You
t»rere in the barrow."
Time Wasted.
"This theory of governing child-
ren by appealing to their rcas .I
isn't all it's made out to he," said
a worried school-teacnet recently.
"A youngster •Leeds, a little
spanking once in a while.
"One of my little boys had skip-
ped his classts, deceived his moth-
er, been found out, .and caused
such unhappiness all round. I
took him aside, at.d we had a
heart -to- cart talk. Johnny sat
still,.looki. g at me intently.
"I thought I was making great
headway. I never .law a child who
seemed so absorbed, even fascin-
ated, by my line or argument, But
you can never tell. Just as I had
reached the climax in my appeal
to his better "elf a light of discov-
ery broke over Johnny's face.
"Please, teacher," 1.0 said eager-
ly, "it's your lower jaw that
Moves, isn't it?"
it
HORIZONTAL
1 Pictured
writer, ----
12 Upholstery
gimp.
13 Seine.
14 Woody plants.
16 Hastened.
17 Sedate.
19 Seasoning.
20 Insurance
(abbr.) .
21 Trades.
23 Lady Literate
in Arts
(abbr.).
24 Giant king of 4
Basilan. 4
25 Numerous. 4
26 Ooze. 4
28 Either, 4
29 Suffer. 5
31 Permit.
33 Exists. 5
34 Electrical 5
term. 5
36 Order of Merit 5
(abbr.). 5
37 Symbol for 5
erbium. 6
38 Make slower.
40 Landed
NOVELIST I
■
Answer to Previous Puzzle
JAN
TAX I
AMEN
GB= T
8
0
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A
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A
body.
17 Sandpapering
machine.
H v K 18 Sleeping'
visions.
H r M P 21 Rumanian
E S conn.
22 Selections
TRUE (abbr.).
a 1 R E 25 Ship's spars.
27 Supplicate.
30 Cravat.
T 32 Swedish
T weight.
35 South Dakota
HUE (abbr.).
36 Whirlwind.
38 Opponents.
39 Consumed.
41 Spinning toy.
42 Undergo.
43 Narrow fillet
of cotton.
47 Stave.
49 Ireland.
51 Upon.
52 Small particle.
54 Dutch city.
55 Station.
(abbr.) .
57 Babylonian
deity.
58 Tin (symbol).
STERE
C
EA
H
E
JAN
GmISiIAN
SMUTS
RNH
APWA'E
S
OPER
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FERN
EAR
HA
pro•pet ty.
3 Palm lily.
4 Street (abbr).
5 Alleged force.
6 Compass point
8 Hail!
0 Daybreak
(comb, •form).
2 Paid notices.
3 Peel.
5 Daze.
6 Nullify.
8 Shop.
9 Cringe.
0 Her --- is
now Mrs,
Montagu
16
2.0
24
L
5
O
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A
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Barstow.
VERTICAL
1 Conveys.
2 War god.
3 Disencumber,
4 Bone.
5 Vestibule.
6 Chair.
7 Pig pens.
8llight (abbr.)
9 Creditors
(abbr.)
10 Ardor.
11 Color.
12 "Buckeye
State."
15 Heavenly
I 2
3 4.
5 6
9 8 9 10 II
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1 VOICE OF THE PRESS
Truth Comes Out
Str..nge as it may seem, flan)
occasionally pops out at Nazis tes-
tify at Nuernberg, For Instance,
t.. admission that the annihila-
tion of Coventry was deliberately
plc.nned, after all these years of
claims that the bombing resulted
from the planes getting lost trying
t( find another target.
--Windsor Star.
Faith in Humanity
In all my travels over the world
I have never lost hope for the hu-
man race because in the lowest
slums of the big cities and the
hovels of the blighted lands there's
always someone bravely strug-
gling to make a flower grow.
—Detroit Free Press.
Something to Laugh At
Commenting on international
affairs, a London newspaper sug-
gests that the greatest need of the
world today is a revivalof laugh-
ter. This opinion seems to he
shared by *.h. designers of the
new spring bonnets.
—.Toronto Saturday Night.
Situation Worsens
Fewer men are now applying for
farm work than at any time during
the war. In Canada's most essen-
tial industry the labor situation has
worsened.
—Farmers' Advocate.
Hot Stuff
Among the hottest news is the
story from New York that the
pepper shortage in the United
States niay last for years.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Classy Robbers
Some bandits show more class
than others. Down in Missouri,
a bank was robbed of $7,000, the
robber going away in the bank
president's car.
—St. Thomas Times -Journal.
Reckl:e;
Accident statistics reveal that
home is the most dangerous of all
places. But with a reckless un-
concern for their own safety, peo
ple still persist in hunting houses.
—Peterborough Examiner.
S king Secret
Rome newspaper charges Sov-
io t Russia with running an exten-
sive spy service in Italy with the
cooperation of Yugoslavia. Evi-
dently they seek the secret of why
Musso didn't topple from that bal-
cony soon r.
— Windsor Star.
His Annual Fit
With spring styles in the offing
father is due to have his annual
fit. -
—Chatham News.
Aim to Please
"Do you serve prunes?" the
guest asked the waiter. "Ma'am,"
he said, '"we serve anybody.
What'll you'have?"
—Ottawa Citizen.
Reminiscent
A Japanese volcano, now in
eruption, can be heard twenty
miles away, doubtless reminding
the natives of Tojo in his better
days.
—Edmonton Journal.
Why?
We turned out ships in time of
r easily but it is impossible to
build houses the same way amid
the distractions of peace.
—Brat don Sun.
Bound to Get You
There's no use. If you make out
your income tax return wrong, you
are in the hands of the law; if you
make it out right, you are in the
hands of the receiver.
—Farmers' Advocate.
The Stalin Way
A man like Stalin, we under-
stand, is so used to getting his
own way that he writes his diary
three weeks in advance.
—Windsor Star.
Mass Production
Three hundred typists are need-
ed in Britain to speed divorces.
Anglophobes will say the British.
were always slow on mass produc-
tion.
—Hamilton Spectator.
Or More!
Harnessing the atomic bomb
will be like putting the saddle on
a hundred million bucking bron-
chos,
—St. Thomas Times -Journal.
Upside Down
Pan lit Nehru, potential Indian
Prime Minister, stands on his head
every morning before breakfast.
We feel like doing the same when
trying to understand the Indian
problem.
— Hamilton Spectato.r
RoyvttER CONCEMTR,A°i'
For BARN and
LIVESTOCK SPRI
Adual-purpose DDT Pow-
der Mixed with water
one pound makes one
gallon of Barn Spray OR
five gallons of Livestock
Spray in their most effec-
tive form. Convenient.
economical and no fire
hazard. .t/2 Ib., 2 lb. cans.
°Regi trademark
ASK YOUR
DEALER FOR
Putt .1
MACDONALDS'
er
THE SPORTING THING
"His mother was frightened by
a bulldozer!"
MUTT AND JEFF— Even at that, it's a good thing the ration book held out.
HOLD
JUST A
SECOND,
MUTT)
PL'VERYSERVICE
NYMO!S CASH AND CARRY!
WHERE DO YoL1 WANT -
SET IT
ON TELE
TABLE!
-1' ABLE?
By BUD FISHER
REG'I.AR FELLERS—A Worth -while Hardship
IT SAYS
HERE THAT
iCE. CREAM
15 A HEALTf4 FOOD,
OU YOU
B'L•EEVE.
T? -!AT 'A
WHY YES,
1 GUESS SO, ITS MADE
OF MILK. AND SUGAR.
AND EGGS'
By GENE BYRNES
E'.....,WELL, WHY`(CHA PAY ME.
T MORE OF ITRE YOU DOY SPINACH,
MONO
POP—The Trench, Colonel; Not Pop!
TH IS SAP
P16A 'I A3 S HER
AND TURNS C)P
AGAIN AT THE
VILLAGE! 1NN.
SI fZ !
AttottOd by TLo nett 8yndkitta, 'Yne,)