HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1946-04-04, Page 6JUST IN FUN
All the Answers
There was the usual charge of
struggling humanity when the bus
pulled up. But the conductor was
behind time, and didn't want to
lose any more.
Mrs. Slammer di- not know any-
thing about that—and if she had
it wouldn't have made any differ-
ence with one foot on the step,
and the other on the pavement,
she put the harried conductor
through a sort of catechism.
"Now I don't want to go past
my daughter's house. Will you
stop when 1 ring the bell?"
"Yes, ma'am P'
"Do you go round by the free
library?"
"Yes, ma'am!"
"How long will h take to get to
Laurel avenue?'
"Twenty minutes, ma'am."
"Are you sure we shall.get there
in exactly twenty minutes?"
"No, ma'am."
"How much is the fare?"
"Twopence, ma'am, and I'm not
married. But the driver, who is
called 'Snip' for short, has got a
wife, three children, and a motor
cycle."
Why Brag
He was one of those fathers who
believed in trying to answer any
question put by his son. So he did
his best when the youngster asked:
"What are ancestors, daddy?"
"Well, my boy," he replied, "I'm
one of your ancestors and your
grandfather is another."
A puzzled frown marred the
childish brow.
"Then, daddy, why do people
brag about them?"
It's Not New
At the circus a girl demonstrated
trick -riding, by circum -navigating
the ring first on the horse's neck,
then practically on its tail, and
wound up underneath the horse,
clinging to the girth.
We were not impressed. We did
all that the very first time we ever
got on a horse.
THE SPORTING THING
!Much More
The bride of a struggling young
writer was,he big success of the
evening, an°' all the Hien at the
party elbowed each other to dance
with her.
"She's charming, old boy", the
host said enthusiastically to the
l.usband, "and her dress is a
poem."
"Not a poem", answered the
young writer gloomily, "sixteen
poems, five short stories, and nine
articles."
He'll Find Thore
Gerard was Aunt Matiida's fav-
orite nephew ''nd she was planning
to send him a birthday gift.
"What did you give him last
year?" asked her companion.
"A cheque," said Auntie, "and
poor boy, he told nae be couldn't
find words with which to thank
me."
"And what are you giving him
this year?"
"A dictionary!"
LATE JURIST
HORIZONTAL Answer to ,Previous Puzzle
1 Pictured late
jurist, George
10 Parte .of the
ankle bone
(zool.).
11 We. SE
13 English wren.
14 Color.
16 Margosa,
17 Siamese coin.
19 Move
smoothly
on water.
21 Symbol for
radon.
22 Function.
23 Kite end.
25 Small candle.
27 Thus.
28 Vegetable.
30 Indigo,
32 Oleum
(abbr.).
33 Small bottles.
36 Scrutinize.
38 Markers.
R
E
Y
O
8 Insect egg,
9 A rnbary.
12 Chair.
lar Dainties.
17 On the sea,
18 Sea swallows,
20 Falsehood,
22 Not down.
24 Prying device:
F 26 Be indisposed.
27 Slope.
29 Rationed iteral.
31 Frozen water.'
32 Concession.
34 Like.
35 Athletic
games.
37 Midday.
38 Wiser.
39 Wash lightly.
43 Make haste.
45 Judicious.
46 Leader
49 Mongrel.
Siamese
44 Clothing.
45 Copse.
47 Surpass.
48 Broad smile.
49 Variety of
cloud.
51 Compass point.
52 Ages.
53 He was a U. S.
Supreme
Court --..�
40 Paid (abbr,). in 1922-38
42 Son of Seth (p1.).
(Bib.). 55 Get up.
56 Adorned
with
crescents.
VERTICAL
1 Goads to
action. 41 Rustic.
2 Size of shot.
3 Strike.
4 Black. (It.),
5 Rhymer
(var.), 50
6 Concealed. measure.
7 Mohammedan 53 Junction
religious . (abbr.).
teacher. 54 Street (abbe:).
!
a
4
S•
6
ry
9
9
1
Wp{ 30'.. 31
�h}
?s 36
' 41. 42
4 0
fee
3?
4Y
49
THE SPORTING THING
"This used to he one of my old
haunts!"
The Works
bill kept hens. One night he had
two stolen. The next night he
stayed up in tI3e hen shed with his
friend Joe to wait for the thieves.
After they had been waiting for a
aeon time a storm blew up and the
shed started swaying in the breeze.
After an hour's waiting Joe, fed
up, announced that he was going
home, saying: "They'll not come
tonight, ,sill."
FIe stepped out of the shed and
found himself on a motor lorry
moving slowly along a country
lane.
They were taking the shed, too.
Dangerous Craft
Dr. Tehyi Hsieh, Chinese scholar
and resident of Boston, was one
day conversing with a native of
Aberdeen on the subject of his
favorite diversion—boating.
"Doctor," inquired the Scot,
"how do your Chinese canoes com-
pare with Scotch canoes?'
"Oh," replied the genial Hsieh,
"they are pretty much alike. But,"
be added, with a sly grin, "the
Chinese canoes give a little trou-
ble—they tip."
A Report
Jack, the sailor, had broken with
his girl, After ignoring several
letters requesting the return of her
photograph, he received one threat-
ening to complain to the captain.
Deciding to 'silence her for all
time, he borrowed all the pictures
of girls available on the ship from
his pals, and sent them on to her
in a parcel with the following note:
"Pick yours out. I have forgotten
what you look like!"
His Reason
After a long talk on the value
of peace, good will and disarma-
ment, a Riverside teacher asked
the class if they objected tc. war.
"Yes, sir, 1 do"' said one boy.
"Good! Now tell us why."
"Bccaese." said the boy, "wars
Make history and I hate history...
"Hello, Honey !"
12
VOICE OF TOE 11
PRESS
1!at the Crusts
What happens in one hotel hap-
pens in tens of thousands. What
happens in one home happens in
millions. More toast is made than
the people eat, and the surplus
is thrown away. Another source
of waste, which is very common,
is that many people eat the softer
parts and leave the crusty edges.
Someone with a gift for figures
might estimate that enough crusts
are left on plates every day to
make a girdle around the. world.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
If Russia Wishes
If Russia really .:esires to give
an effective answer to Mr. Chur-
chill there is a very simple 1iay of
doing this. All Moscow needs to
do is to abide by the pledges,
agreements and treaties it has
made and the whole international
tension will disappear overnight.
—New York Tinges.
Punishment Is Cure
In Mine,la, N.Y. drunken driv-
ers will be tested by making them
say: "Around the rough and rug-
ged rocks the ragged rascal ran."
This is sheer foolishness. The
only accurate test for alcohol is -a
blood test, as employed in Nor-
way. And in Norway, we should
like to point out, drunken driving
is virtually unknown because it is
punished very severely.
—Peterborough Examiner.
Takes It With Him
When that old Arab used to fold
his tent and silently steal away,
he took his housing problem with
him.
—Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph
Who Cares?
The crowning touch of madness
- in this cockeyed world right now
would be for Hitler to turn up
alive, toothbrush moustache and
all. Allied officials in Germany are
intrigued by the discovery of a
secret passage which led from the
Fuehrer's underground bunker at
the Chancellery 'to the Berlin sub-
way—and perhaps a getaway; who
knows? Likewise, who cares?
—Hamilton Spectator.
Can't Hide Tt
Some women stop telling their
ages just about the time age starts
telling on ti -em.
—Kingston. Whig -Standard.
Goering's Alibi
At Nuremberg it 's the Nazis'
day in court. And in our mind's
eye we see Fats Goering rising to
his full width and explaining it
was two other fellows.
—Stratford Beacolg Herald.
Atomic
A ecienthtt studyi• g bomb dam
age in Nagasaki esamieed a house
which was fairly sound, except
for a screen that showed an inter-
esting damage effect -- the lower
part was battered while tea upper
part was infect. "Ato:,lic bomb?",
he asked the housewife.
"No," s1..e said. ' Small boy."
---This Week.
"We were rushing to the grocer's before closing time . , .
Imagine a week -end without delicious Grape -Nuts Flakes!"
and bones, iron for the blood, and
other food essentials."
0
"I can't imagine it brother! Step on
It and I'll provide a police escort down
to the store so you'll be sure of getting
your malty -rich, sweet -as -a -nut
Post's Grape -Nuts Flakes!"
"OK—here we go! Bring on that
Grape -Nuts Flakes' good nourish-
ment: carbohydrates for energy, pro-
teins for muscle, phosphorus for teeth
"They're good all right! That's
because they're made of two grains—
wheat and malted barley. And spe-
cially blended, baked and toasted for
golden -brown delicious crispness and
easy digestion."
"I think I'll get a couple of those
giant economy packages."
MUTT AND JEFF— AND THERE ISN'T A UNION CARD AMONG THE TWO OF THEM By BUD FISHER
HEY, J€'FF! fiERE,START
BUILDING THIS BRI@K
CHIMNEYRIGHTAWAY!
THIS IS A RUSH 308!
YOU AND I WILL HAVETo
WORK HARD ToGETHERTo
GET ITD.NE ONTIME!
JEFF C'MERE! I
WANT CAA to DIG
' A TWO FOOT4
TRENCf} •HERE,
HEY.' AIN'T THIS
CHIMNEY DONE
YET?
REG'LAR FELLERS — Prince Charming Himself
HOW
00E5
YOUR-
SERVICE
OUR.SERVICE
WORK. ?
FOR, ONE UIME.
f ADVERTISE. YOUR
CHARMS -- A DAME.
CONVE5 'ALONG,- AM'
PRESTO! YOU AN' etER.
1S GOIN' PLACES?
SWELL.'
PUT ME
DOWN AS
YOUR. BEST
CUSTOMER!
Akre
ALL
"r GQODYOUDO1
•
IS WAIT 1N
MY VE5TIB00I..
FOR ACTION!
By GENE BYRNES
NEVER
KNEW SUCH A
CHARMING teeAte
EVEN Lsvao'
WHO IS HE?
,
•
POP—pop's Remiss in His Reading
WHY,
ARE YOU ON THE
PHONE NOW
to•18-d,'
By J. MILLAR WATT
GOOD .HEAVENS !
DON'T YOU EVER
READ THE `rELEPHON
DIRECTORY
9