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Zurich Herald, 1946-03-28, Page 2
\\ JUST IN FUN Five -In -One Late one afternoon an insurance agent secured admittance to the office of a big business man by dint of perserv:rance. "You ought to feel flattered, young man," said the business man. "Do you know, I have al- ready refused to see five insurance agents today " "Yes, I know," replied the agent. "lm all of them." Up To Him Hubby: "Isn't dinner ready yet? I have a good mind to go to a restaurant." Wife: "Well, please wait ten mirutes." Hubby: "Will dinner be ready then?" Wife: "No, but in ten minutes I can change my.' dress and go • with you." Well -Spy ,cer. .An English manufacturer of motor car tires was the speaker at a businessmen's luncheon. In response to a toast he said: "I have no desire or intention to inflict upon you a long speech, for it is well known in our trade that the longer the spok%,the big- ger the tire." Not Accepted The tall, long-haired youth en- tered the music publisher's office carrying under his arm a small roll of paper. "Good afternoon!'' said the pub- lisher. "What can I do for you?" The youth Iooked nervous. "Well--er—I have a song here," he began, "and I was wondering if you would publish it. Er—shall I sing it?" "Oh, yes, let's Lear it!" said : publisher; and the youth stood up and burst farth. When the song was finished the publisher sat very still and said nothing. "Well," asked the young man" "what do I get for it?" "Oh," replied the publisher, with an air cf resignation, "I'm a pub- lisher, not a magistrate!" Fire Fighter Staying at a boarding house was a man not noted for his early ris- ing. One morning about six o'clock he surprised the landlady by walk- ing into the kitchen in his dressing gown, a small medicine glass in his hand. He asked for some water. She filled the glass and he returned to his room. Three minutes later he returned, still yawning, with the same glass and the same request, and five mirutes later he again askd her to fill the glass. "Whatever is the matter?" in- quiled the landaldy. "Aren't you well?" The young man yawned. "I'm all right, but my — my room's on fire.' Still Undecided For more than an hour. the can didate for the Legislature had dili- gently sawed wood in his quest for the rural young widow's vote. Now she came from the house, smiling her approval, as he plopped pers- piration from his brow. "I declare," she saic-, "I don't know who to vote for—you or lir. Billings. Why, right now, 1e's in the kitchen ch irning." Two wont:'-usion; A group of workmen were dis- cussing the evolution and origin of Wool, One of the .laity remained silent. when a c, nni tnn'n turned o hint and =icn,:nliit t sic ,,pinion. "1 ain't goin' to say," he replied doggedly, "1 remember as 'ov: Henry Green and ni. thrashed that out once before ani d it's settled as far as I'll concernee." "But what conch.-iva did you come to?" "Well," he said, didn't arrive a' the sion—"no, we didn't henry ar- rived at the-'orspital an' me at the police station." THE SPORTING THING , *1'1, slowly, "we saute condo - Some Chicken I'hc laic llady glanced round the tahie at her twelve hungry board- ers before starting to carve the rather sad -looking chicken. - In rapid succession she asked each which part of the fowl 'ie preferred. 'ren o, then, decided on legs. The carver cropped her knife with a clatter on the dish "What do you imagine this is?" she said sarcastically, pointing to the chicken. "A centipecle, or what?" "Oh, no," replied the boarder who had been served. "Judging by the piece of neck I've got, I should imagine it was a giraffe." pt..44......rwram44.44444. MOVIE ACTRESS tit« - HORIZONTAL Answer to Previous Puzzle MCKNI MA© A P It' E OCSr2t (M5 1,7 Pictured T H A K movie actress, 10 Heavy barge. 11 Neither. 12 Baseball stick, 14 Request, 16 Breezy, 17 Fact. 19 Singing voice. 20 Frozen water. 22 Period. 24 Hearing organ 25 Music note. 26 Turn toward east, 30 Symbol for 49 Courts (abbr) 61 Street (abbr titanium. 51 "Pelican VERTICAL 31 Kind of finch, State" (abbr.). 1 Utters. 33 Reluctant, 52 Unit, 2 Itineration. 35 Mother.' 36 Like, 38 Behold! 39 Therefore. 40 Flight. 42 Sorceress. ' 44 Any. 45 Catch. 47 From. C MA MEI.. ra 1110 0 ®f�liOG� L L ti 5P E PI OTA RRE E T -x.; T OWER late L E 9 Property, 10 She has long hj 13 Part of "be." 15 African bustard. 18 2000 pounds. • 21 Three (prefix) 23 Dined. 26 Kind of plant, 27 Not suitable. M 28 Acknowledge: E' 29 Formerly. 32 Type measures. 34 Jurisdiction. .). 37 Sequester: 40 Ensnare. 41 Endeavor. 43,Just, 44 She -- in screen plays. 46 Meat. , 48 Festival. 50 Location. 52 Musical composition. 54 Him. 57 Toward. AR•R` :RA Rl-( R0 SE /:4 DO. SOU ROP p4 o A T i G A TRA RE_ NV.), 5 S. T EPI EDA E T T L 1 OTE TE 5 T A E 53 Excursion, 3 Upon. 54 Buzz. 4 Slight bow. 55 Fondle. 5 Turkish 56 Rested. decree. 57 Spread for 6 Headland. drying. 7 Lieutenant 58 Employ. (abbr.). 59 Spanish dollar 8 Cabbage 60 H Ifa nem variety. a . • [VOMIT, OF THE 11 Huss ASKING FOf' IT These Canadians who are sug- gesting that they will marry Jap- er ese women in order to save them from depo'tation deserve just what they get. — Windsor Star. EXCLUSIVE The Soviet Embassy is the only diplomatic establishment in Wash- ington which does tot employ any United States citizens as household help. — Newsweek. REQUIRED SOON Radar should be used at the time of spring housecleaning to prevent husbands altering dark rooms and sitting down where thi, chesterfield used to be. — Branclon Sun. NOW WE KNOW Clothing manufacturers report that lack of pants is 'holding 111 men's suit‘,. Ar'.: we ahvav4 thought it wa, the pan 5 that need- ed holding up. — Christian Science Monitor, APPLIES TO ALL This Ball (for greater produc- tion) not only applies: to the farm- ers of O1 tario, bt. alto to the townspeople. Back gardh.ns that hitherto have supplied but a few vegetables during the summer must now be ml.de to produce more than ever befcre. The camp- aign for mord pr' duction can be helped by almost • everyone in city or country, and the question is: 'What are we going to do about it. —Chatham News. WATCH FOR IT NEXT WEEK A NEW FEATURE. SP By FRANK MANN HARRIS ("SIXBITS") FRANK HARRIS—better known in sports circles as "The Sia Bit Critic" — at one time conducted columns of sport- ing comment in The Toronto Dally Star and The Star Weekly" Born In Teeswater, Ont., more Fears ergo than lie cares to admit, Harris has spent most of itis life In Toronto where he was In the hook publishing business for a considerable time before taking to writing professionally, "Sirbits" has had many short stories published in the Saturday Evening Post, MacLean's and other well-known magazines, THE SPORTING THING "You and your feathered. friends !" SALVA rION irr OR FOES Already the United States is ci .ntelllplating ltlill.[ng a li`: n to Germ:u.y. It inva= (ably cysts us about :1c' much to 'ave all Coolly after we lick =lila a it Ih es to lick bun. — St. Louis Star -Times. NO1 CONVINCING At the pres, nt j'lucture, there's added point in the maxim that it takes more than sweep;ng state- ments to clean things up. — Slratforo l:eicon•lierald. SUPER VALUAIs In ,13olnhr:y the Aga Khan is field to be worth hi:- weight in dia- monds. Isere we should use butter, if we could ge, 2.13 pounca of it — Ottaw;, journal. OF COLDSy SORA THROATS See for yourself how quickly Aspirin acts! Drop one in a glass of water and "clock" it. Within two seconds, it will start to disintegrate. It does the same when you take it. As a result, it provides relief with remark- able speed. Get Aspirin today. The "Bayer" cross on each tablet is your guarantee that it's Aspirin. O New Low Prices! • Pocket box of 12s . . . . only. Ufa Economy bottle of 24 . . only 29a Family size of 100 .. . only79a L== rel ITT A D JEFF — IS THIS A CASE OF VISIBILITY OR UNVISIBILITY? By. BUD FISHER ...... - _ - __ --- • YOU POOR SIMP1 YOU DON'T KNOW THE ALPIAABET! ? WELL LEI`S HEAD WHAT YOU KNOW.a •" u i. 1 WHATSTRiE SENSE? n0SOD CAN HEAR ME ANYHOWI TAIS AIN'T A SOUND 'PICTURE! ill Ik-1-fib �j WHERE DIDYCU 7 I EVER LEARN AN i- ALPF{ABET LIKE �!� p THA`. � OI-11,YEAW. LET'S HEAR WELL,THAT YOU RECITE IT) ISI DON? KNOW IT ALL = ,�i'1lck„ BUT I KNOW MOST OF IT! ti-�'i"1t \,...i ",' a e _" I DO T KMdOt+JTHE ALPHABET!' ALPHABET" .� I'!�' xt a= . '�. ?mak 1� 13 {r•%i¢ 141- ESTED AT EYES TESTED !D , ! , '.'"� ch�l`°(ia ' ' 0 II. ■� ME OPTICIANS 1 6"c O. } ---L-• ;. � l•y} yof 5 ��j� ,M”' , i M rsif • . S1e � •" �rT WWW + ' rrAj}l 17 e . %..:.....,.;u�.l1G . 1f ) ' ft. ly ■•, 20 �I . {�1"r, Za ■■ r� r 23 } 24 25 �r �■ 27 $ R 3 0 s, kar.` 31 3 > ; 33 34 .,:.'"�■ x;%•`_136 3? t tt: , .,,,:,.:, tiff ciii /.",41 :,..,,, n ,. �9 50 '' { ;-SZ �rnryl .• ttr,,. � �� y1 Ycs 4 56 4 [VOMIT, OF THE 11 Huss ASKING FOf' IT These Canadians who are sug- gesting that they will marry Jap- er ese women in order to save them from depo'tation deserve just what they get. — Windsor Star. EXCLUSIVE The Soviet Embassy is the only diplomatic establishment in Wash- ington which does tot employ any United States citizens as household help. — Newsweek. REQUIRED SOON Radar should be used at the time of spring housecleaning to prevent husbands altering dark rooms and sitting down where thi, chesterfield used to be. — Branclon Sun. NOW WE KNOW Clothing manufacturers report that lack of pants is 'holding 111 men's suit‘,. Ar'.: we ahvav4 thought it wa, the pan 5 that need- ed holding up. — Christian Science Monitor, APPLIES TO ALL This Ball (for greater produc- tion) not only applies: to the farm- ers of O1 tario, bt. alto to the townspeople. Back gardh.ns that hitherto have supplied but a few vegetables during the summer must now be ml.de to produce more than ever befcre. The camp- aign for mord pr' duction can be helped by almost • everyone in city or country, and the question is: 'What are we going to do about it. —Chatham News. WATCH FOR IT NEXT WEEK A NEW FEATURE. SP By FRANK MANN HARRIS ("SIXBITS") FRANK HARRIS—better known in sports circles as "The Sia Bit Critic" — at one time conducted columns of sport- ing comment in The Toronto Dally Star and The Star Weekly" Born In Teeswater, Ont., more Fears ergo than lie cares to admit, Harris has spent most of itis life In Toronto where he was In the hook publishing business for a considerable time before taking to writing professionally, "Sirbits" has had many short stories published in the Saturday Evening Post, MacLean's and other well-known magazines, THE SPORTING THING "You and your feathered. friends !" SALVA rION irr OR FOES Already the United States is ci .ntelllplating ltlill.[ng a li`: n to Germ:u.y. It inva= (ably cysts us about :1c' much to 'ave all Coolly after we lick =lila a it Ih es to lick bun. — St. Louis Star -Times. NO1 CONVINCING At the pres, nt j'lucture, there's added point in the maxim that it takes more than sweep;ng state- ments to clean things up. — Slratforo l:eicon•lierald. SUPER VALUAIs In ,13olnhr:y the Aga Khan is field to be worth hi:- weight in dia- monds. Isere we should use butter, if we could ge, 2.13 pounca of it — Ottaw;, journal. OF COLDSy SORA THROATS See for yourself how quickly Aspirin acts! Drop one in a glass of water and "clock" it. Within two seconds, it will start to disintegrate. It does the same when you take it. As a result, it provides relief with remark- able speed. Get Aspirin today. The "Bayer" cross on each tablet is your guarantee that it's Aspirin. O New Low Prices! • Pocket box of 12s . . . . only. Ufa Economy bottle of 24 . . only 29a Family size of 100 .. . only79a L== rel ITT A D JEFF — IS THIS A CASE OF VISIBILITY OR UNVISIBILITY? By. BUD FISHER ...... - _ - __ --- • YOU POOR SIMP1 YOU DON'T KNOW THE ALPIAABET! ? WELL LEI`S HEAD WHAT YOU KNOW.a •" u i. 1 WHATSTRiE SENSE? n0SOD CAN HEAR ME ANYHOWI TAIS AIN'T A SOUND 'PICTURE! COME ON! QUIT STALLIH'! ALL RIGHT! •SAV WHAT 1 YOU.KNOW! ETFOCB LP�i4XUY '' !O Ik-1-fib �j WHERE DIDYCU 7 I EVER LEARN AN i- ALPF{ABET LIKE �!� p THA`. � OI-11,YEAW. LET'S HEAR WELL,THAT YOU RECITE IT) ISI DON? KNOW IT ALL = ,�i'1lck„ BUT I KNOW MOST OF IT! ti-�'i"1t \,...i ",' a e _" I DO T KMdOt+JTHE ALPHABET!' ALPHABET" .� I'!�' xt a= . '�. Too, l � � pptNRGiJQ iiiWRG WHEN I HADMY 1J ESTED AT EYES TESTED 0, , ! , '.'"� sb" ✓..: ✓ , SH0..m`-JT"• t _ µ ,, er, � • . »tm ME OPTICIANS 1 6"c O. DWG STORE INC. ,, G } o _-. I . ---L-• ;. � l•y} yof 5 ��j� ,M”' , i M rsif • . S1e � •" �rT I !1 '�i e . %..:.....,.;u�.l1G . 1f REG'LAR FELLERS — Too Much Relativity KNOW 1 DON'TCI. ED A EVER. MAID TH' GUYS A RELATIVE. itIE. --1 HADDA GIVE.M A JOB! 7 _ _• �MEr. KirTCH ty,�=� THINK I'Lt_ MOSEY y ovEz-r' CLu13 ,r A WHILE. --WATCH TM' WORKS WHILE,. GONS,E'oYS! WOW! WHAT f3USINE55! WHERE'D TH. CUSTOMERS COME. FROM2 CUSTOMERS MY EYE! By GENE BYRNES THEY'RE. ALL. WORKII4' FOR. YF.— — , THEY'RE. YOUR RELATIVES RELATIVES AN' THEIR RE.LATIVE5! flt /7' PJ, w 411,r G�lr'•,wh 1•r �rn.�• h .41r.•�(-ifs nil• e r I ` t:( - �, ,^t,l — "-e.'.r-m,r . L/x"t,l" ITre�fe 144 07 At r,eAl, retar.M. _ __k_",p ,„r,.,,..,,. ......., - - _ - marenrate v�immwmmmna.rrnvorm�mrm .4,44.4 "me°'•' "cram, anus + a.ea®fm,�.nm.m.t,mvr..srrm,erna�em.+n¢mmewnmrmmmmm¢' "Never mind Johnston— they'll do that at the mill!" POP — It Is! '1V1 USED TO SLEePING IM A BED TEN FEtV LOWG 13Y SIX FEET WIDE By J. MILLAR WATT SOUNDS LiKE A LOT OF e.UNu .tinlreenii,hyTip Itn11 � niflcath;tlfp: "He just giggles" 1: