Zurich Herald, 1946-02-21, Page 2I-IOLD EVERYTHING
"I told you those weren't ducks
we were following—they were
P -38s!"
A Substitute
Scene, landing stage. Business
gentleman, in a hurry, to dock
loafer: "See lr re, my man, do you
want to earn a half-a-crown?"
Loafer: "Don't I just, sir?"
Very well; stand on this spot for
half an hour and wave this hand-
kerchief as hard as ever you can.
My wife is off to America with this
steamer, and she'll expect me to
stand for that time waving to her.
She's a bit short-sighted, and she'll
never know the difference."
A Circus
A hard -driving taxi -man ignored
a red signal, threatened the traf-
fic policeman's knees, missed the
street island by an inch, and grazed
a bus, all in one dash.
The policeman hailed him, then
strolled over to the taxi, pulling a
big handkerchief from his pocket
en route.
"Listen, cowboy!" he growled.
"On your way back I'll drop this
and see if you can pick it up with
your teeth."
The Catch
The benevolent old man was try-
ing to instil the spirit of ambition
in an obviously unenthusiastic office
boy. "My boy," he said, "do you
know the secret of success in life?"
"No, I don't," the lad replied,
frankly. "But I'll bet there's a catch
in it—like all the rest of them
things. I'll lay you a hundred to
eight it's something to do with
hard work."
THE SPORTING THING
LATE STATESMAN
HORIZONTAL
1,8 Pictured
late South
American
statesman.
13 Wiring
anew.
14 Coronets.
16 On account
(abbr.).
17 Believer
an ism.
18 Boon.
19 Employ.
21 East Indian
shrub.
22 Young dog.
25 Ambary.
26 Long pasture
grass,
28 Subduer.
32 Not old.
33 Mend.
34 Egyptian
goddess,
35 Distant.
37 Mediterran-
ean island.
40 Rodents.
41 Editor (abbr.)
42 Necessity.
44 Heart (Egypt)
45 Electrical
in
Answer to Previous Puzzle
term.
47 Organ -of
bearing.
48 Slumber.
52 Tavern.
53 Symbol for
ruthenium.
54 Led.
56 Providing
food.
59 Movements:
60 Intercalates.
VERTICAL
1 Cause.
2 Exclamation
of pain.
3 Two (prefix).
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
Silkworm.
Hazards.
Powerful
explosive
(abbr.) .
Giant king
of Bashan.
Old 'Testa-
ment (abbr,)
Equip.
Sailor.
Man's name.
European
pike perch.
Defeat.
15 Heavenly
body.
20 Before.
22 Postpaid
(abbr.).
23 Slope upward.
24,11e was —
of Argentina
until June 24,
1942 , (pl.).
27 Jugs.
29 Kind of nar-
rative poetry.
30 Indian
antelope,
31 Yes (Sp.).
35 Parables,
36 Near.
38 Sheltered side.
39 Longs.
40 Headstrong.
43 Narcotic.
46 Cut.
49 Consume.
50 Dutch city.
51 Dash (slang).
, 52 John (Gaelic).
55 Symbol for
dysprosium.
56 101 (Roman).
57 Railroad
(abbr.) .
58 That thing.
,VOICE OF THE 11
— PRESS
Our kindly radar signal to the
noon was thrown back in our
faces in 2/ seconds. On a rebuff
that fast, we figure that they don t
like us, That is understandable,
a , the moon gets around, and on
any clear night can see what go':s
on down here,
—Ottawa Citizen.
Grandma Was Wise
Millions of lives are being saved
by penicillin, made from breed
mold, so maybe those stale bread
poultices Grandma used to swear
by weren't so wide of the mark.
—Windsor Star.
So Long as They Eat! •
Another trouble is that about 1.-
E'46,287,430 of the world's two bil-
lion don't give a darn who rules
them so long as they are well fed.
—Calgary Albertaa.
They Get Even
A cynic remarks that wives talk
twice as much as their husbands;
but the men compensate by listen-
ing to only half of what their wives
sr y.
—Fort Erie Times -Review.
Preposterous!
Suppose the farmer wanted a 4n -
hour week and 30 per cent uio"e
fel his produce.
—Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph.
'Right' and Wrong
In Ottawa, Hume Wright, new
man in the Department of External
Affairs, reported to his cousin, Un -
tier Secretary Hume Wrong.
—Time.
Let Me Out
A pretty girl got into a bus that
was full of shoppers,
Immediately a man got up, but
before he could speak the girl said:
"It's very good of you, but I'd ra-
ther stand."
He raised his hat and began:
aaI—rr
"No, really, 1 mean it."
"But—"
"I assure you, it's quite all
right."
"But," he shouted desperately,
"I'm trying to get out." '
MITT AND JEFF
SoRRY, WE'RE A
LITTLE SRoRT.
VlE'LI:PAY YGU
NEXT WEEK!
Abbreviated
• The private had been given the
jobs of announcing the guests at a
party at the major's house.
"Captain Jones, Mrs. Jones and
Miss Jones," he called when they
arrived.
"Shorten your announcements,"
whispered the sergeant. "Captain
Jones and family would have been
sufficient."
The next arrivals were Lieut.
Penny and his family.
Tow -pence!" announced the
private.
CHECKED
in a Jiffy
-or Money Back
For quick relief from itching caused by eczema.
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intense itching. Don't suffer. Ask your druggist
today for D. D. D. PRESCRIPTION.
For Eczema—
Skin Troubles
Make up your mind today that
you are going to give' your skin a
real chance to get well. Go to
any good drug store and get an
original bottle of Moone's Emerald
Oil — it lasts many days because it
is highly concentrated.
The very first application will
give you relief — the itching of
Eczema is quickly stopped — erup-
tions dry up and scale off in a very
few days, The same is true of
itching Toes and Feet. Barber's Itch,
Salt Rheum and other skin troubles.
Remember that Moone's Emerald
011 is a clean, powerful, penetrating
Antiseptic Oil that does not stain or
leave a greasy residue. Complete
satisfaction or money back.
Aide
coffee salesman was travelling
through the South, and as he'wait-
ed for a train in a little southern
town he chatted will a lazy looking
colored. man idling on 0 bench at
the station.
"Ever drink coffee?" he inquired
with an eye to stirring up interest
in his line.
The colored man allowed he
drank a lot of coffee, Fifty cups a
day, he answered.
"Fifty cups a day! Doesn't it
keep you awake?" inquired the
astonished coffee salesman.
"Well, it helps," answered the
colored man.
An Oversight
The officer gazed sternly at the
private who had been brought be-
fore him.
"Did you call the sergeant a
liar?" he demanded.
"I did, sir."
"And a twister?"
"Yes, sir."
"And did you go on to describe
him as a pop -eyed, knock-kneed,
black -blighted stooge?"
The private hesitated, Then, with
a note of regret in his voice, he
replied: "No sir. I forgot that!"
Nut A Chance
A young woman whose beauty
is equal to her• bluntness in con-
versation was visiting a house
where other guests were assembled,
among them the eldest son of a
Healthy manufacturer, The talc
turned to matrimonial squabbles.
Said the young• man:
"1 hold that the thing tor the
husband to do is to begin as he in-
tends to go on, Suppose the ques-
tion was one of smoking. I would
at once show my intentirns by
lighting a cigar, thus settling the
question for ever,"
"And 1," said the young woman,
"would at once knock it out ot your
mouth.'•
"Do you know," rejoined the
young man, thoughtfully, "1 don't
think you would-be there."
FAMILIES APPRECIATE
the grand, satisfying flavor
of 14' axwell House Coffee.
They love the fragrant
goodness of the choice
Latin-American, coffees
that 'distinguish this su-
premely fine and delicious
blend.
Never neglect head colds 1
They can cause much suf-
fering. A little Va-tro-nol
up each nostril works fast
right where trouble is.to re-
lieve sneezy, stuffy distress
of head colds. Soothes ir-
ritation, reduces swelling,
makes breathing easier.
Try it! 'Also helps prevent
many colds from develop-
ing if used in time. Follow
d
in folder.
VAIR
YoU'RE FOUR
WEEKS SHORT
IN THE RENT
A GET OUT!oW
rJ
A Sort Of Lend Lease On The Awning, I Takes It
OH,YOU CANT
PUT US OUT
ON SUCH A
SHORT
NOTICE!
LOU-' E,wREN YOU GET
DONE MOVIN° THE PIANO
DOWN ToTRE BASEMENT
COME UP HERE I HAVE
ANOTHER MOVIN' JOB!
WHERE
'THEYARE
GER
TREY WERE
HERE FIVE
MINUTES
AGO!
1
By BUD FISHER
"Oh, he goes out an' goes
through the motions — then
we eat eggs!"
Good Advice
O"
O
A young girl at the University`
of Missouri recently wrote ' her
mother, air mail special delivery,
as follows:
Dear Mother:
Please send me money for a new
dress immediately. Have had sev-
eral dates with Jimmy and have
worn each of my dresses once. We
have a date tomorrow night and I
must have another dress right
away. If you don't send the mon-
ey, send a new dress, Thanks.
RUTH.
Her mother answered:
Dear Ruth:
Get yourself a new boy friend.
O
0
REG'LAR FELLERS—Going Up!
ITS ODD THAT
PINHEAD d -IAS PVT
COME, BACK FROM
THE. DENTISTS
YET.'
1,5111111111‘ ,
+5
p1ERE.
l4E COMES
NOW, MOM - -
AN' TN' DENTIST
15 WIT1-i'
HIM!' r1!
111111�U 1IaGi1u 11n1111UI 1
uw,
-OH,TBE.
'POOR. CHILD!
IT MUST
HAVE BEEN
A DREJ'+DFtiL
ORDEAL !-
SO NICE OF louDOCTOR, JER,KLE,,
TO COME HOME.
WrTi4 NIM'
iS
TIRES He Retreads d
Nin\4' '1'1111; GUAR.AN'I'EE
$9.95 600 x 16
$ 7.10 440-450/21, 450/20
$ 7.60. 475-500 /10, 475-500/20
$ 9.60 325/18, 556/16, 55d1/11'
$12.75 625-650/10. 600-650/20.
$14.80 Truck 80x5 8 ply, 650 /20
$25.00 3230-700/20 10 Ply
$30.00 34x7-750/20 1 2 ply
Oilier Sizes at rurylea lly Low Prices
We Ship Everywhere. Order 'At
Billie Tire Sales
279 Queen E. Toronto
Ontario
By GENE BYRNES
HE WONT LET
GO OF MY
!
r
Persistent
MacTavish was very shy. When
he went to his first dinner party
bre made frantic efforts to begin a
conversaion with the lady at his el-
bow.
"Does your brother like cheese?"
She turned with a smile a.nd re-
plied: "I haven't a brother/'
Dead silence for another spell.
Then he said: "If you had a bro-
ther, do you think he'd—he'd like
cheese?"
POP- Every Little Bit Counts
WHAT DO YOU
M WANT TO SSE
'THE DOCTOR
AGAIN
FOP_?
Worse To Worse
The music master of a school had
been lecturing on Mozart, Li.:'c
koven, and other great musicians,
when one of the scholars was
'truck by an original thought.
ow is it, sir," he asked, "that
musicians are always so ugly?"
The music master looked embar-
rassed,
The seeker after truth suddenly
realized with horror that his ques-
tion might be taken personally,
and he hastened to Make. amends.
"Of course, sir," he said, tactfully,
"I only meal' good musicians."
YOU GA.N'i-
SEE HIM JUST
FOR ANY ,
LITTLE
TRIPLE
•.4 by 'rho 3611 t.'o lcnte, Inc.)
By J. MILLAR WATT
l4