Zurich Herald, 1946-02-14, Page 6Titre' Is Nothing
We're inclined to accept as gos-
pel anything that those Prussian
grenadiers who serve a;a doormen
at the big movie houses choose to
yell down our throats, but we
were somewhat flustered the other
night when we heard the one out-
side the Astor Theater announce
Clearly, "There will be iru nediate
seating in half an hour."
Peace Spectacle
To the children of bomb -scarred
England peace has brought many
wonderful things, things never
known before to the small fry
whose memories are too short to
recall the days before the war.
A little girl in London, return-
ing home on a bus, looked hard
at the young man collecting the
fares, and exclaimed excitedly,
"Oh, look, Grandpa! It's a man
Conductress."—Wall Street Journal.
A Drawback
"'My poor fellow," said the old
lady, "here is a shilling for you,
Goodness, gracious, it must be
dreadful to be lame, but just think
how much worse it would be if you
were blind."
"Yer right, lady," agreed the beg-
gar. "When I was blind I was al-
ways getting counterfeit money.'
Too Late
After leaving his church the min-
ister stopped to shake hands with
a young woman who was a new
member of his congregation. In
the course of conversation the min-
ister remarked how pleased he al-
ways was to welcome new Mem-
bers to the church.
The young woman blushed
prettily.
"It's very kind of you to say so."
Not at all," replied the minister,
"Just let me have your name and
address, and 1 will be able to call
and see you."
"Ohl" stammered the girl. "I—
er—I'm afraid you're too late. I've
got a boy friend already."
Cheap
A doctor was knocked up in a
small village about 3 a.m. by a
man who asked him to come out
immediately to a place ten miles
away. The doctor dressed quickly
and got out his car, and they drove
furiously to their destination.
Upon arrival the man asked:
"What is your fee, doctor."
"Half a guinea," he replied in
some surprise.
"Here it is, then," said the man
handing over the money, "and
cheap, too. The garage man
wanted thirty bob to drive me
over."
SIDE GLANCES
By Galbraith
tt
CORR. 1944 BY NEA SERVICE. INC. T. M. REO. U. S. PAT. OFF.
"Mom, I invited Dorothy over for dinner --she doesn't
eat much and she's a whiz on fractions!"
•
HOLD EVERYTHING
1
HORIZONTAL
1,6 Pictured
new, U. S,
Representa-
rive, Mrs.
----e
Luce.
11 Weep.
14 Fun,
15 Idolize. •
16 Falsehood:
17 Aromatic
plant.
18 Tellurium
(symbol).
19 Year (abbr.), 49 Powerful
20 Russian river. explosive
21 Uncommon, (abbr,).
23 Diaphanous, 50 Leader.
25 Ocean, 54 Age.
27 Each (abbr.). 55 United King -
28 Entangle. don .(abbr.).
31 Right (abbr.),,,56 Rhode island
32 Arabian (abbr.).
garment. 57 Australian
35 Beverages. bear.
37 Dry. 58 Intellect. '
38 She has 59 Punitive.
written sev- 61 Mistake.
62 So (Scot.). 9 Attempt.
63 Famous Bel- 10 Frames for
gian violinist drying skins
who died, in for parch -
1931. ment.
"64 Article of
U. S. REPRESENTATIVE
Answer to Previous Puzzle
eral ---,
40 Pocketbook.
41 Young goat.
43 Sanctified
person,
46 Table linen.
value,
VERTICAL
12 Prevalent.
13 12 months,
22 Ranh.
24 Laughter
sound.
26 Erbium
(symbol).
28 Cartograph.
29 Every.
30 Afternoon
party,
•32Arrive (abbr.)
33 Twice
(prefix).
34 American
humorist,
36 Small stream
(var.).
37 Originators
1 Burn. 39 Like sirup.
2 Moon goddess. 40 Promissory
3 Mohammedan note (abbr,
noble (var.). 42 Levees (va
4 Flowers, 43 Deviate.
5 Before. 44 Imbecile.
6 Flying 45 That thing.
mammal. 46 Fresh tidings.
7 Poem. 47 Operatic solo
8 Hawaiian 48 Top of head.
bird. 51 Auricles.
52 Liliaceous
plant.
53 Short lance.
57 Parrot.
60 Symbol for
11 Ball of thread sodium.
r•
.).
Well Suited
Having chosen the cloth for a
new suit and had his measure-
ments duly taken, the young man
said apologetically to the tailor:
"I'm afraid 1 •shan't be able to
pay you for three months."
"That's quite all right," the
tailor said amiably.
"Oh, jolly decent of you!" said
the young man, "\Vhen will the
suit be ready."
"In three mouths, sir," was the
polite answer.
A Full Plate
"Now, Tomuiy," said the teach-
er, " let me see how. much you
remember of niy lesson on whale
fishing. Can we eat the flesh of
the whale?"
"Yes," answered 'Tommy.
"Good boy," said the teacher
"and what do we do with the
bones?"
There .was a moment's pause,
and then Tommy said with de-
termination: "We leave them on
the side of our plate, miss."
IOOPR. ilk/ EY M. ?.111,1G4 roc. MC. T_ N. AE V. O. PAT. OPT.
"Ooh -.-honorable commander
must have lost face!"
Selling Tip
When Thomas Lipton was a
youngster : e spent much time in
his father's grocery store and wit-
nessed, with unmistakable disap-
proval, the elder Lipton's lack of
showmanship. One day he watched
unhappily as his father attempted
to sell a customer 'a half dozen
eggs. After the customer had gone
he said:
"Father, you should let Mother
sell the eggs."
"Why?" asked the father in sur-
prise.
"'Nell," replied the future mil-
lionaire, "Mother's hands are a lot
smaller than yours, and the eggs
would look bigger."
THE SPORTING THING
"Pa's the patient type!"
NUKE OF THE
PRESS
Lower Education
An elderly acquaintance, of phil-
osophical tendencies, in discussing
the current wave of juvenile and
adolescent delinquency says "A pat
on the back is a good thing, pro-
viding it is applied early enough
ni life, often enough, • and low
enough."
— St, Thomas '!'Imes -Journal.
Hal Ha!
A psychologist says that in 100
years people will have nothing to
hngh at. We don't get it. There
will be old albums, with pictures
of the ladies' hats of 1946.
—Ottawa Citiza,l
The Weaker (?) Sex
Woman may be physically
weaker than man, but she can put
a cap on a fruit par so tight. he can't
take it off!
—Wall Street Journal
Smart Fellow
As the old fellow suffering from
lumbago said, when he struggled
out of the chair: "It's the getting
up that gets me down."
—Stratford Beacon -Herald
Relative Values
A cheque on your .overdraft at
the bank is valueless. But a check
on your living expenses is as good
z,s cash,
—Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph
You Will En,oy 9t4ylgg 11
The St. Regis Hotel
TORONTO
• Every Room wlth Bath,
Shower rind Telephone.
• Single, 52.00 up —
Double, $3.50 up.
• Good hood, Dining and Danc-
ing Nightly.
Sherbonrne ni Carlton
Tel. RA, 41:15
NiiiEMBEMNIIMEanzzacesular
Fiery, Itching Skin
Gets Quick Relief
antisepis a jticnoilt thatlwill penet-
ratingiig
you speedy relief from the itching
and distress of Eczema, Itching
Toes and Feet, Rashes and slain
troubles.
Not only does this healing anti-
septic oil promote rapid and healthy
healing in open sores and wounds,
but boils and simple ulcers are also
quickly releived. In skin affections
— the itching of Eczema is quickly
stopped; the eruptions dry up and
scale off in a very few days. The
same is true of Barber's Itch, Salt
Rheum and other skin eruptions.
You can obtain ltloone's Emerald
Oil at any modern drug store.
MUTT AND JEFF Maybe They Should Have Ordered A Sinatra Sandwich A. La Frontage By BUD FISHER
GOSH,I DON'T
KNOW WHAT
THESE FUNNY
NAMES MEAN!
I'LL ORDER FOR
You, JEFF! I KNOW
ALL ABOUT THESE
FOREIGN DISHES!
WAITER,
BRING US
SPIMONIO
VERMATELLI!
BRING US
SPIMoNIb
VERMATELLI -
HERE, ON THE
MENU! COME
COME, WAITER,
HURRY!
MUTT,
WHAT'S
SPIMONIO
VERMATELLI?
YES, I'M THE
NEW OWNER
OE THE PLACE!
REG'LAR FELLERS—Going Up!
OkA`, MEN—T1.115'LL
GETCHA AIR -MINDED
BY EASY STAGES!
WARNINGI
RINGING
'BELL
MEANS
t215ING-
ELEVAroa
JtT
THIS 1S THE SECOND TEST--
WNEIJ FINISH WErLL
TRY 1-14''LAST'
AtJ`
TOUGHEST OF ALL/
st
FORTY -Ni NTH
FLOOR AN'
MAkE i -r
SNAPPY/
Only His Watch
A well-to-do Negro had been ill
for some time and showed no
signs of improvement under treat-
ment by a doctor of his own race.
So presently he dismissed him and
summoned a white man. The new
doctor examined the patient, and
then asked: "Did the other doctor
take your temperature?"
The sick man shook liis head
doubtfully.
"1 rluuno, sub," he declared, "I
sartiny dunno. All I've missed so
far is my watch."
Experience Necessary
"Madam," said the new care, -
taker to the lady who had just
employed him, "1 want to thank
you for giving me the job, and
ask you one question. .l notice that
you advertised for a married man.
Docs tha t mean that you will have
some work in your home for my
wife?"
"Oh, no," replied the woman.
"I wanted a married man so as lo
be sure I'd get someone used to
taking orders from a woman."—
Wall Street Journal.
Yes --Mothers
HUCHLEY'S
STAINLESS
WHITE RUB
Does Give
Faster Relief
This faster penetrating Rub really does
bring quick relief to either kiddies or
grown-ups. Rubbed briskly over chest,
throat and shoulder olades, it helps
create a glowing warmth, breaks up con-
gestion, eases breathing—BUCKLEY'S
WHITE RUB must give relief in less
time or money back. Price 30c and 50c. •
Sold everywhere.
By GENE BY ES
trlEN -I M TO SAY YOU
COMPLETED TN' DUGAN AERONAUTICAL
COUPSE WITH FLYIN' COLORS--
TNERL-FOl2E, I'M PROUD T'GIVE
YOU TI-tliSE HERE PILOTS'
LICENSES /
POP—Pop's Impressed 6y Rank
.1 WANT TO SEE
THE COLONEL
TAKE
A
S EAT
vQ -00
\,P% -o
ti
I SUPPOSE
YOU KNOYV
.I'M THE
BRIGADIER
By J. MILLAR WATT