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Zurich Herald, 1956-11-15, Page 2Department Store Mis-Happenings Today the department store is truly big business. The profits are in pennies, but the volume I* there, And most of the in- come, according to the late Fred ,Allen, derives from the eleva- tor operators. If the public could understand what the ele- vator operator calls out, there Would be an orderly buying process every day. But because the shoppers can't decipher the tonsil thumping of the opera- tor, they always get off at the wrong floor, become confused, wander about for hours, buying many items they otherwise did not intend to. The New Yorker in that breezy column, The Talk of the Town, told of the salesgirl in Macy's basement who was ap- proached by a middle-aged lady who sought a knife box. "It's over there by Post G-8," said the salesgirl. "Sure of that?" the lady ask- ed. "I've already been mis- directed three times." "I'm so sure that if you don't find them there, you can come back and kick me." The customer returned a few minutes later, "They're nearer G-7. Bend over." The girl bent. Walter Kiernan, the Celtic connisseur of comedy, spouted over WJZ about a customer in a Copenhagen department store who complained to the manage- ment that the attendant in the ladies' retiring room had given her the icy stare when she fail- ed to leave a generous tip. "Why, we have no attendant In the ladies' room," said the manager. A check revealed that the "'attendant" was a woman whe had wandered in for a rest a year ago. While relaxing with her knitting the woman had re- ceived coins from patrons who thought she was the attendant. Recognizing opportunity when it knocked, the woman had come in regularly ever since, netting while she knitted. Yes, anything can happen in a. department store. They had Monty Wolley en- acting the role of Santa Claus in a department store. The film was "Life Begins at 8:30." San- ta had been taking an odd snift- er or two and he gave out with a he-man's belch. One woman was horrified. Seeing her re- action, Woolley leaned forward and said, "What did you expect, Madam, chimes?" * The man gazed rapturously at the jewelry' counter in the de- partment store. Then he spoke to the clerk. "Those diamonds are really beautiful, aren't they? I'd like to smother my wife in diamonds." The beatific smile left his face when the clerk answered. "That would cost a lot of money. There must be a cheaper way, sir." "You're a good skater. Where, slid you learn?" "It was easy really. I was fairly confident after three sit- tings." NO NOSE LIKE GOOD NOSES —• Two sniffers with one common objective — taking in the aroma of sweet young things. Vincent, a 10 -year-old horse, gets a whiff-ful sniff-ful of Sally Franklin, 18 months. Sally was a spectator at, Vincent a participant in, a horse parade in London, Eng. In McLean, Va., 15 -month-old Billy Chapman puts nose in rose, and learns that by any name, it smells purty. TABLE TALKS Jam Aruitiews. Hamburger has taken first place as the most favored out- door -cooking food during the last few years. There are dozens of ways to prepare it and each way has its own ardent cham- pions. Before cooking it, be sure you have bought the best product. Buy freshly ground meat and store it, lightly covered with waxed paper, in the coldest part of your refrigerator. Use it with- in two days after buying it. If you want to have it especially ground, buy chuck, round, flank, plate, brisket, shank or neck meat. If it's very lean, add 2 ounces of fat per pound of meat. * * If you're serving hamburgers at table, try this added touch for better flavor. When ham- burgers are cooked, remove from pan. Add to pan 2 tablespoons butter, I tablespoon Worcester- shire sauce or catsup. Stir. Pour over hot hamburgers, writes Eleanor Richey Johnston in The Christian Science Monitor. When hamburgers are broiled, spread with one of the following ingredients mixed with 2 table- spoons butter: 2 tablespoons Wo-cestershire sauce, 1 t'b'spoon prepared mustard, 2 tablespoons blue cheese, 2 tablespoons chop- ped chives, or 2 tablespoons cat- sup with 1 teaspoon prepared mustard. For a party, have small dishes of each of these mixtures for your guests to choose from. * * * For the basic hamburger use the following proportions — 1 THALASSARCTOS MARITIMUS `BOY, 1' JUST CAN'T COOL OFFI'—This hot weather is enough to make anyone short-tempered, let alone the traditionally waspish eller bear. Cool off with the thought that you don't have to wear a fur coat while toting an official Latin name a yard long„ as does Whitey, polar bear at Fleishacker Zoo. Francisco, Calif. • :eee..��::• .. .:..::aid:'%'..:.'9.. A soothing dip • . . For a polar bean. Mtetegeie pound hamburger, I teaspoon salt, 2 tablespoons chopped onion (optional), and 1 'teaspoon fat, Combine hamburger, onion, and Salt thoroughly. Shape, into 4 thick or 8 thin patties; Pan - brown in fat in skillet. Do not press patties; do not overcook. Turn to brown on other side. Serve hot. * BARBECUED HAMBURGERS 1 pound ground beef 3/ cup finely chopped onion 1 teaspoon salt 1/4, teaspoon pepper 1 tablespoon fat 1 cup catsup 1 medium onion, sliced ?4 cup vinegar 1 tablespoon sugar ei teaspoon dry mustard Hamburger buns Mix together beef, ' chopped onion, salt and pepper. " Shape into four flat patties. Pan-fry in hot fat to brown on both sides. Combine remaining ingredients except buns and pour o, *„c,i am burgers. Cover and simmer 20 minutes. Serve hot on buttered buns. * * Cheeseburgers, with broiled canned peaches seasoned with lemon juice, sugar, and chopped mint, are a pleasing change. BROILED BURGERS AND PEACHES 1 pound ground lean' meat 1 teaspoon salt ' A/2 teaspoon chili powder a/ teaspoon pepper 4 hamburger buns Butter Prepared mustard. Strips of cheese 8 canned cling peach . halves Lemon juice Chopped mint Sugar Drain peaches well and ar- range cup side up on broiler. Sprinkle generously with lemon juice and mint, lightly with sugar. Mix beef, •• salt, onion, chili powder, and pepper lightly. Split buns and toast under broiler. Spread with butter and mustard, then spread beef evenly over buns, covering edges well (makes thin covering, but is enough, since both ,top and bottom of buns are covered with meat). Broil along with peaches. until meat is brown. Place strips of cheese across buns and heat 1 minute longer, Or until cheese melts. Serve im- mediately. Serves 4. * * Herbs add a piquant taste to broiled hamburgers. Try these for your next party. HERB SEASONED !HAMBURGERS 2 pounds ground beef 2 tablespoons melted butter or margarine''{ Jet cup finely chopped onion 32 .cup finely chopped celery ?/2 teaspoon garlic salt 2 teaspoons dried parsley flakes I/ teaspoon each, marjoram and thyme 1 teaspoon salt a�z cup butter 2 tablespoons lemon juice, or 1 cup shredded aged cheese Combine beef, 2 tablespoons -butter, chopped vegetables, sea- sonings, and herbs. Mix to blend, Forpz ixatties %-inch thick. B' onI" ° ori baking sheet about 3 inchee , r heat source 5 minutes on each side. Spread With butter blended with lemon juice or sprinkle "with shredded aged cheese on top. Serve at once, Serves 6. * * �o Sauces served with plain ham- burgers give them that added -. taste that you like when you've broiled the meat outdoors. Try these. * LEMON SAUCE 1 bunch small green onions; chopped fine ?e pound butter 2 tablespoons chopped parsley 7/ cup canned or frozen lemon juice 1 cup bouillon i/ cup catsup 3 tablespoons brown sugar Saute onions in butter until limp. Add parsley, lemon juice and bouillon. Simmer until sauce is reduced by half. Add catsup and brown sugar. Cook 3 minutes more. Spanish Sauce Saute 1 cup sliced onion in Y4 cup olive oil. Add 1 cup to- mato paste (or 2 cups tomato), 1 chopped green pepper, 1 bay leaf, a pinch of oregano or thyme and salt and pepper. Sim- mer 15 minutes or longer. TOUGH CUSTOMER In Wauwatosa, Wis., Mrs. Joan Buge, 50, was fined $35 for neg- ligent operation of a car and $15 for disorderly conduct after she drove away from an acci- dent scene, fled from the police station as she was being booked, was fished out of a drugstore phone booth two blocks away, leaped out of a squad car on the way to the county jail when it stopped at a railroad crossing, lay down on the tracks until three patrolmen got her back in the car, clung to the side of the car at the jail, had to be carried bodily inside by six of- ficers. The customer was quite even - toned in his protest. "I can't eat this soup." The waitress hurried to the manager who called the res- tarant's dietician. "Why can't you eat the soup? It's specially prepared with a due regard for vitamins content." The goof smiled. "r haven't any spoon." Drive Your Way Out Of An Accident By AL ESPER, Chief Test Driver, Ford Motor Company An emergency on the road boils down to this—you're in a tight spot, and you've got to get out, It doesn't make any differ- ence if you're a test driver like me or a typical motorist out for a Sunday drive. In both cases you've been very careful and have been following the rules of the road, But something has gone wrong with your cart Or an- other motorist has ignored the rules! That's when it really pays to know how to drive your way out of an accident. Calmness is the most impor- tant factor—then thinking and acting quickly. I've outlined five emergency situations. Go over them several times so that when you get in a tight spot, you will automatically do the correct thing. 1. If You Have A Blowout. Above all, keep firm control of the steering wheel. Don't slam on your brakes or you will roll your car over. Keep the car 'going in a straight line and let up gradually on the accelerator so as not to jerk the car out of control. When the car has slowed down, apply your brakes gently. Pull all the way off the road to make necessary repairs. 2. Ti Your Brakes Give Out. This happens very rarely, most often on older cars, and on hills and inclines is always dangerous. First, slowly pump the brakes up and down. You want to give them a chance to function. Simultaneously, apply your emergency brakes. If at all pos- sible, shift into a lower gear. When you have full control, pull over to the side of the road to avoid collision with other ve- hicles. As an additional help in stopping your car, you may pull onto the shoulder of the road, Into a shallow ditch or run over or through some obstacle. 3. If Your Car Skids. Do not brake or accelerate or you will make the skid worse. If the rear end of your car skids to the left, turn your steering wheel to the left. If to the right, turn to the right. Always turn in the direction of the skid to recover control of your car. To prevent a new skid ease your foot off the gas pedal and then pump your brakes gently. 4. If A Car Cuts You Off From The Right At An Intersection. Apply your brakes although you might not be able to stop in time. Swerve as. gently as pos- sible to the right and pass around the rear of the other car. This Maneuver will give it more time and distance to get out of your way. When it has passed you, recover from your swerve and continue as before, Salesmanship Bob Hope the renowned cigarette , salesman, revealed, "Today my heart beat 103,389 times. My blood traveled 168,- 000,000 miles. I breathed 23,- 040times. I inhaled 438 cubic feet of air. I moved 750 major midscles and exercised 7,000,- 000 brain cells. Gosh, I'm tired." What makes Hope a good salesman, whether he handles soap or cigarettes, is his Josh Billings awareness that, anato- mically speaking, laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot. Laughter will sell your pro- duct. Most of the prospects are suckers for a good story or shop -talk quipperies. If the salesman carries a good stock of laugh makers he's on. the right road for a sale.. Oc- casionally he'll encounter that sour -visaged prospect who looks as if he had just taken his head out of the sauerkraut barrel. He defies you to make him laugh. For him you might have to draw a picture. A bicycle salesman met such dour resistance from a dairy farmer. "I'd rather buy a cow than a bicycle," said Silas. "But you'd look silly riding a cow," persisted the salesman. "No more than I would if I tried to milk a bicycle." So our bicycle boy changed his product. He now was sell- ing milking machines. He stop- ped off at a farmhouse where there was only one cow. And the farmer, definitely, was not at all interested in time -saving machinery. But he would glad- ly witness the demonstration. Then his eyes bulged at the wonders of science. "That sure is some device, Mister. I'd sure like to have one of those ma- chines, but, shucks, I don't have any money and don't even know where I could borrow any." He looked longingly at the machine. A gleam came to his eye. "Tell yet what I'm a-willin' to do, Mister. I'll let . you take the cow for a down payment." ON STRIKE — Pickets of the United Steelworkers took their posts at the main entrance of the U.S. Steel's South Works in Chicago during the first day of strike, The huge plant, one of the largest in the world, is idle except for a few maintenance workers on duty. The furnaces have been cooled, and the men left their jobs in orderly fashion. DEATH JN AN ATTIC -- Policemen in Lawrence, Mass., fired shots and tear gas into an attic in order to flush out two holdup men. The thieves tried to rob the manager of a jewelry store and flea to this building to hide from the police. After an hour-long gun fight, the .policemen got info the attic and found the two men had killed themselves in an evident suicide pad.