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Home My WebLink AboutZurich Herald, 1955-03-10, Page 3614.191041141.11110411.01.9.611.401910.04M049111.11 rHE(',alled SPORTS COLUMN 6 � 0t 0 This is more than a little belated to rank as live news, but it's high time to recognize, even at this late date, the bril- liant feats of a group of Canadian marks- men and markswomen, in the year of 1954. The English Match -30 shots at 50 metres and 30 shots at 100 metres—was the first world championship event scheduled in the 1954 meet an Caracas. Shooting a perfect 300 at 50 metres, Canada's Gilmour Boa tied with Boris Pereberin of Russia in the first half of the event. Here is where experience told—not just experience in shooting but experience in win- ning, and chilled -steel nerve as well. While the Russian drop- ped five points at 100 metres, Gil in front of a large gallery of spectators, dropped only two points to finish with a total of 598, two points greater than the previous world record. Gold, silver and bronze medals and badges came the way of this Canadian with the steady hand, the keen eyes, right through the trophy. Boa's world title win was a climax to a collossal year for Canada in shooting. The Canadian team in the Lord Dewar Match did the Mayleigh Cup Match placed second in both these events. The City of Calgary took top place in the 1954 Empire Cities Match for the second straight year. The ladies of the Calgary Rifle Club, representing the Province of Alberta, were Canada's only entry in this annual: competition. The team total of 1,978 was four points higher than the second place team represent- ing the State of Michigan, And not only with the rifles did Canada's marksmen ex- cel. Vern Thornborrow of Hamilton, Ontario, achieved trap- shooting fame by capturing the preliminary handicap event at the Grand American. He is the first Canadian to win this title. He was competing against a field of 1,729 shooters. A national skeet title came to Canada for the first time. Mr. and Mrs. Bill O'Brien of Montreal outshot all competit- ors at the National Skeet shoot at Waterford, Michigan, to capture the open "husband -and -wife" skeet crown. Feats like these, we believe, are entitled to more generous rcognition than they received, and this column is happy to do its share towards that end. Your comments and suggestions for this colurno will be wekomed by Elmer Ferguson, c/o Calvert House, 431 Yonge S;., Toronto. Calvert DISTILLERS LIMITED KAt1fER5TBURG, ONTARIO Just What Is it Makes A Joke Tick? Sitting 'on a platform, wait- ing fora train, ,three university professors were so absorbed in, thought that they failed to notice its arrival. • Suddenly they sprang for - N . and so my darling, I feel It is only right that I should give you your freedom ..." ward as the train started, but only two of them caught it. A porter consoled the third. "At • least two of you -made it," he said. "I know," replied. the pro- fessor, "but they only came to see me off.' He could have,been the, same absent-minded ' professor who said to his biology class: "I'm now going- toshow you a •dis- sected frog—I've a splendid specimen in this parcel-" Un- wrapping the paper he found it contained a. sandwich and some fruit. He started in bewilder- ment. "That's funny," he mut- tered. "I've already eaten my lunch.,." We all love a good laugh: but how many of us appreciate the science and 'technique of popu- lar comedy? "It's paradoxical that we who spend so much time in the pursuit of humor should know so little about it." says •Evan Essar: and he sets out to remedy this in his ex- cellent and most amusing book, "The Humour Of Humour," classifying all things comic into various categories. The above stories are, of • course in the Absent-minded Professor class. He's always good for a chuckle. Even his wife- comes into it. She's sup- posed to ask him before he • leaves for college each morn- ing: "Wait, Henry. Are you $1500 MASCOT—The Provo high school basketball team has a new mascot and he's probably the most aristocratic gent In the country to hold down such a job. He's Juneter's Beautiful Peter, a 14 -months -old bulldog valued at $1500. The 60 -pound beauty (?) is a purebred red brindle, owned by Dr. Fred D. Kartchner, with whom. he's shown, above. Peter, with a nearly perfect show ring bod -4won the only dog show he was ever entered in. His father.ho was worth $6000, won champion. ships in America, England and Canada. His mother won English and American championships. Peter attends all', Provo High's home games. The name of the team? Why the Bulldogs, of course? sure you've forgotten .every- thing?" Then there's the drunk as a figure of fun. Like the one who put a quarter into one of those automatic food machines. Out came a cheese sandwich; so he inserted another bob .and got another sandwich. After he'd spent a five dollar bill: and col- lected a pile of twenty sand- wiches, the restaurant: ;manager approached him. "Don't you think you've got enough?' he asked. "What!" cried'' the drunk. "You want to stop me in the middle of a winning streak?" Another drunk who was not too far gone`to size up at, tricky situation was creeping into bed at dawn when . his wife stirred i5 her sleep and started tO pat his head, : Murmuring: "Down, Rover, Down!" - She had (obvi- ously taken him to be their lit- tle dog, which used to slip into bed with them on cold morn- ings. So the drunk promptly licked her hand—and she dozed off again. A great butt for jokes in re- cent years, has been the effi- ciency expert, the man who visits factories and offices to streamline work and cut out waste. The efficiency expert, one critic observes, will tell you that if a farmer's hired hand can pick six quarts of cherries in an hour, and a girl five quarts, the two of them toge- ther will pick eleven quarts. But any farmer knows that ,whentogether they won't pick any at all! There's an amusing report on an efficiency expert who ap- proached two clerks in a gov- ernment office. "What do you do here?" he asked one of them. The clerk, fed up with HARD rEu P WINTER AND SPRING SAILINGS TO BRITISH PORTS: At Thrift -Season Rates First Class from $192 ROUND TRIP FOR AS LITTLE AS Tourist Class from $140 $280 TO FRENCH PORTS: First Class from $217.50 Tourist Class from $155 VESSEL From NEW YORI( From HALIFAX - To SAXONIA SCYTHIA PARTHIA QUEEN MARY FRANCONIA SAMARIA ASCANIA '°MEDIA SAXONIA QUEEN MARY QUEEN ELIZABETH SCYTHIA PARTHIA fVfa Bermuda Fri. MAR. 4 Thurs. MAR. 10 Fri, MAR. 11 Wed. MAR. 16 Fri. MAR. 18 Thurs. MAR. 24 Fri. MAR. 25 Wed. MAR. 30 Wed. MAR. 30 Wed. APR. 6 Thurs. APR, 7 Fri. APR. 8 DONALD Sat. MAR. 5 Sat. MAR. 12 Sun. MAR. 20 Sat. MAR. 26 Fri. MAR. 25 Thurs. MAR. 31 Sat. APR. 9 ON LIN€ LTD. Cobh, Liverpool Havre, Southampton Liverpool Cherbourg, Southampton Cobh, Liverpool Havre, Southampton Liverpool Liverpool Cobh, Liverpool Cherbourg, Southampton Cherbourg, Southampton Havre, Southampton Liverpool VESSEL From MONTREAL To LISMORIA CAPTAIN COOK LAURENTIA *Apr. 26, *May 31, *July 2, Aug. 6 *May 2, *28; *June 21; *July 16; Aug. 9 *May 7; *June 11; *July 16; Aug. 20 Glasgow - Liverpool -Glasgow Glasgow Summer Season Rates Apply "INtR:14IP1,1 tanarders Sdtosi Gr 'Ogee Bee Malden Voyage June 1955 See your local agent— No one can serve you bolter CUNARD LINE I9ting your relatives or friends from Europe. Preppy their passages In Canada Corner Bay & Wellington Sts., Toronto, Ont. Telephone EMpire 4■3471 red tape, forms—and • particu- larly efficiency experts — re- torted: "I don't do a thing!" Making a note of it, the expert turned to the other clerk. "And - what's• your job?" Taking his cue from his ' colleague, the clerk ,said: "I don't do any- thing either.' The expert's face lit up. • "Hnimm; he mur- mured triumphantly. "Duplica- tion!" The - insult comes under • rep- artee. Two girls are talking. One says: "I refused to marry Bob three months ago, and he's been drinking . ever since." The other. smiles: "That's what I call carrying a - celebration too• far." There's also the 'double. insult. At 'a luncheon partyan actress noted for her jealousy looked significantly at Beatrice Lillie and said: "I dread to think of life at forty-five." - "Why?" asked the nimble -witted come - d i e n n e. "What happened then?' she asked. A :deadly shaft concerns the famous wit Dorothy. Parker. When a friendly enemy said to her, "I'm so sorry, I completely forgot your party last night," Miss Parker feigned surprise. "Oh, weren't you there?" she asked. Then there's the attention - getter, a classic example of which concerns the college girl who got engaged. All next day • she wore her ring but to her dismay none of her school friends noticed it. The follow- ' ing morning, when they were all round her, she got up sud- denly, "It's awfully hot in here," she exclaimed. `I think P11 take my ring off. We've all met the man who must brag about his home town or county—like the Texan who had travelled East to attend the funeral of a friend who was thoroughly disliked in his com- munity. The minister was new to the parish so he called on someone to say a few words about the deceased. In the dead • silence that followed the Texan got .up. "Well, since no one has anything to say about our de- parted brother,' he drawled, "I'd like a few minutes to tell you folks about Texas." FOR SLEEPLESSNESS A minister and a doctor had fallen into a habit of joking with each other about their respective professions. When the minister inquired about the health of an elderly member of his congrega- tion, whom he knew the doctor was attending, the physician put on a serious mien. "Poor Thomp- son," he sighed. "To tell the truth, he needs your help more than he needs mine." "Is it that bad?" inquired the minister with concern. •"Yes,". replied the doctor shak- ing his head. "I've been trying to get him to take a nap every day and he just won't do..it." ITc H 11', �A JIFFY or money back Very first no of soothing, tooling liquid D.D.D. Proscription positively tclicvep raw red itch --caused by eczema, rashes, scalp irritation, chafing -•-other itch trouble*. Greaseless, stainless. gq trial bottle must utfyrttobGPRIakYodusoisrb 0. ESCRIPTON,, ISSUE 10 ..105 CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING ear 41A,JEV OIIICN,S E00 Markets, Poultry Meat Markets. We have' chicks to produce on them. )u k for complete list and prices. Order now Bray Hatchery, 120 john N ITamiltou. EGG 1 roducers, if you want the maxi. mum In egg production on the minimum amount of feed, buy any of these three special egg breeds, R,O.P, Sired Shaver White Leghorn, White Leghorn x Rhode Island Red, Rhode Island Red, For dual Purpose these three are our best, R.O.P. Sired ted Rock, Light Sussex Red and Red x Light Sussex, Also special breeds for broilers. ,Turkey Poults. Send for catalogue giving Lull information on our egg breeds. TWEDDL E CHICK HATCHERIES LTD. F'ERGUS ONTARIO (You can't argue with success), So many growers are successful with Tweddle pauite that we are convinced they will make good for .anyone under average farm conditions. A breedfor every market demand Broad Breasted Bronze, A. 0, Smith Broad Whites (imported stock), Nebraskan, White Hol- land, Thompson Medium and Large Broad Whites, Wahkeen Whites, Empire Whites non -sexed, hens tome. Prices com- petitive, Free - turkey folder. TWEnDLE CHICK HA'rc18ERIES LTD. rERGUS ONTARIO FOR SALE USED FIRE TRUCKS Fully equipped with pumps and tanks. Excellent condition, One year guarantee. Also 0-0-2 Extinguishers and Fire Hose. War Assets. CANADIAN FIRE FIGHT- ING EQUIPMENT, 1089-A BROADVIEW AVENUE, APT. 3, TORONTO. WAR ASSET BARGAINS Full line of used heavytrucks, floats, tractors, power units, winches, parts, and. many other items too numerous to men- tion. All at bargain prices. For further information write MR. D. GRANT, 1089-A BROADVIEW AVENUE, APT, 8, TORONTO. - VETERAN Calendars, $7.00 per hundred. Retails 25e each. Army or Navy, John McPhee; 2340 London, Montreal 9. 5 ' STAR- Handy Tool knife sharpener. Razor like edge in seconds. Simple to use. Guaranteed. Only 98c, B -L Novel- ties, Box 933, Alliance, Ohio. DAIRY GOATS—Good milking strain. Why suffer? Eczema, ulcerated stomach, delicate babies. Try Nature's way.. of. health — "Goats' Milk", Fred Holden, Newmarket, Ontario, - ABERDEEN Angus sons and daughters of Raona's Prince Eric 5th—females with calves at foot. — Gordon L. Berry. Blnbrook, Ontario. - 8835. PIPE SMOKER We importthe finest light weight, cool smoking real briar pipes direct from. Malta and sell well below retail prices. Shell briars, also natural or walnut finish. $8: light walnut, 02; dark walnut, 31.50; plum, 01. postpaid, .0.11 straight stems, short or long mouthpieces, small, medium or large bowls. Money refunded if returned unused. - STIRLING IMPORTERS Box 9, Stirling, Ont. Wave Lifted Ship Right Over Church For the first time it is now possible to , record - the exact height of waves bymeans pf a British -made -sea-waive recorder which will be used during • the coming spring byscientists of the Oceanographic Institution at Wood's Mole, Massachusetts. With this recorder they will be able to check the accuracy or otherwise of travellers' tales of "mountainous waves.' Wave heights vary, of course, accord- ing to the fury of a storm. The captain of an Atlantic liner reported years ago that during a sudden gale his ship encountered during the night waves "as high as a house." A specially constructed cam- era has already, revealed that ordinary waves are from six to twelve feet high. In a high sea they may rise to twenty- seven feet; in a violent gale to thirty-six feet. The tidal wave that followed the Lisbon earthquake of 200 years ago, in 1755, is - said to have been sixty feet high. A tidal wave off Peru was so enormous that it lifted a small ship clean over a church and left it a mile inland. A tremendous wave seen by Sir James Douglas, the light- house engineer, holds the re- cord of all scientifically ob- served waves. It threw gravel from the sea- bed on to the platform of the lighthouse on the Bishop Rock, Scilly Isles. The platform is 120 feet above normal sea level and the sea is there 150 feet deep. As the wave must have snatched the gravel from the sea-bed in its path, its total height from trough to crest was 270 feet. Careful investigation by a scientist indicates that in the North Atlantic, with not less than 600 miles sea room, the height of waves in bad weather is almost constant, the mini- mum being forty-three feet. The usual length of such waves is 350 feet, although they may run to 600 feet. Most of us think we could move mountains — if someone would just clear the hills out of the way for us. INEDICA , • SATISFY YOURSELF -- EVERY SUFFERED OF RHEUMATIC PAINS OR NEIURITIE SHOULD TRY DIXON'S REMEDY MUNRO'S DRUG STORE 535 EI.GIN OTTAWA $1.25 Express Prepaid CONSTIPATION troubles? Use Bulko, a new type of laxative Effective ie cor- recting constipation 32.00 Imperial Industries, Box 471, Winnipeg, Mian, ECZEMA sufferers can now gel relief with 'Kerrie Eczema Treatment. 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REAL ESTATE WANTED • Wanted for •Cash—Old, low-priced farms (With or without buildings), ranchland. cut• woodlots, land for planting Christ- mas trees, timber- limits, mineral finds, ' mining claims, lake frontages, cabins cottages, old buildings, what have your L. A. Sovereign. 1181 5t. Clair West, Toronto. WANTED WANTED to buy from Manufacturers-' All aorta of Men's and Ladies' Wear; also blankets, cottons, flannelette. beds, chairs, sewing machines, stoves and smallwares, Would prefer substandard& where possible, DOUGLAS BRADLEY, Battle Harbour. Labrador. We have on hand souvenirs of Lab- rador, prices $1 and $2 sent anywhere In Canada postpaid on receipt of remittance. Make your WILL to -day, yourself. Full — easy - to -understand directions enclosed with each BAS WILL PORM. Used by over 1,000,000 people. Sold for over 30 years by stationers and dept. stores. Only 25c, or if unobtainable locally send 30c for postage paid Box Form. 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