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Zurich Citizens News, 1958-11-19, Page 4PAG:; FOUR ZURICH Citizens MEWS WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1958 SUGAR and SPICE (By W. (Bill) B. T. Smiley) took a strong stand. Never mind what stand, as long as it was strong. One week, for example, it could come out solidly in favour of higher salaries for teachers, and lower necklines for women. The next issue could carry a resound- ing attack on the rising cost of education, and a demand for a firmer attitude toward indecent ex- posure. So often am I aware of my own failings as a weekly editor that I can't help pondering on the make- up of the ideal editor. He, of course, is the editor of the weekly newspaper that pleases all its sub- scribers. K * s I have yet to see the issue ap- pear that pleased more than a min- ute portion of my readers. If the teachers aren't after me, the prea- chers are. If the temperance peo- ple aren't gunning for me, the ho- telkeepers are roaring with pain over some fancied slight. If the dog owners aren't urging me to partisanship, the garden lovers are down on me for not demand- ing an open season on canines. s :s ,a The ideal weekly editor would have to combine the forebearance of St. Francis with the raw cour- age of Joan of Arc, the perspicuity of Plato with the cunning of Mach- iavelli, the eloquence of Demos thenes with the foresight of Moth- er Shipton. * * 8' That's what makes it so diffi- cult. You just don't find too many people around with all those at• tributes rolled up in one hide. You get one fellow with a brain like a polished blade, and he hasn't the guts to do any slashing with it. You find another editor with the furious courage of a wounded wild buffalo, and just about as much insight. Still another Wil) have a pen like a whiplash, and spend all his time flogging dead horses. Admitting, then, that ideal weekly editors are non-existent what would the ideal weekly paper be like? First of all, it would have an editorial page that always a * .tt For the ghouls and gossips, of course, the ideal weekly would carry several columns of court cases, hints of wife -beating, sug- gestions of teenage orgies and al- lusions to all manner of like delic- acies. No names, of course. But everyone would know who was meant, when the paper ran an item like: "The garbage collectors are complaining because the garbage cans at the home of a certain pil- lar of the church who lives on Maple St., are so loaded with em- pty whiskey bottles they can hard- ly lift them." * For avid readers of the "pers- onals," of course, the ideal weekly would have a new approach. No more of this dull "Mr. and Mrs. Peter Salt of Westvale called on relatives in town this week." That's not news. The ideal personal item would pack a lot more punch and convey a lot more inforamtion. U: would read something like this: * :* "Mr. and Mrs. Peter Salt (nee Jennie "Red" Pepper, daughter of Mrs. Malachi Pepper and the late Malachi who used to live in the old Squash place till it caught fire in that lightning storm four years ago and Malachi was burnt up trying to get central on the line) of Westvale, where they have been living since Peter ( a son of Mr. FTS FOR VOUR� 8s t _ `33izv ti SPORT SHIRTS All Sizes — All Colors — All Styles Choose from our large assortment PRICED FROM $3.95 UUP 0 PERRY COMO sleeveless Sweaters Only $7.,95 each 0 SUBURBAN COATS Reg. $19 to $24 NOW—only a few left AT $15.95 WINTER JACKETS, small sizes only Reg. $15 for only $11.95 MEN'S JEANS — only 2 dozen par left Sizes up to 40 — ONLY $3.45 Never again a buy like this one Gascho Bros. Zurich — Phone 59 "Your Friendly Christmas Store" and Mrs. Rociffield Salt, former line, would undoubtedly have gone through the opposing team like spit through .a tin horn, and scored." There'd be columns and columns of this behind -the -scenes colour for the sports enthusiast, Our ideal weekly, of course wouldn't neglect important social news, like weddings. Instead of the present fashion of limiting wedding write-ups to a mere, bare curt outline about three-quarters of a column long that gives only the most brief and perfunctory tescription of things, the idea' ,•vedding write-up would have some meat on its bones. It would give a full description of the bride's costume, instead of a skimpy couple of parapraphs. It would carry a complete list of the wed• ding gifts and the wedding guests. And it would carry in full the many charming and witty toasts proposed at the reception. * * * I have more, many more, ideas about what the ideal weekly should carry. But I am so sensi- residents here before they moved to the County Home) took a posit- ion there in the undertaking par• lours after some years employed here in George McLean's body re- pair shop, visited this week with Jennie's mother, and called on her sister Annie, married to that new German fellow on the tenth con cession." See what I mean T You've got to get some life into those personals. * * In the ideal weekly, the sports fan too, would be looked after. No more of 'this dull chronicling of who got how many hits or scor- ed how many goals. There'd be more of the real, roaring excite- ment of the game, like: "In the third period, responding to the pleas of the fans. Joe McDrool rose to new heights as he picked up the puck behind his own net, circled with the speed of an ex- press train, started up the ice like a jet plane, and had he not had the sheer bad luck to run into one of his own defencemen at the blue tive about my own shortcomings as an editor that it is too painful to go on. And I know my fellow pub- lishers are hanging their heads in shame, too. Or is it horror? 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Il For every kind of useful purpose these people — about one out of every four who borrow at a bank—find it good business to borrow at the B of M. BANK OF MONTREAL 9,444014 'cteV Zurich Branch: JOHN BANNISTER, Manager WORKING WITH CANADIANS IN EVERY WALK OF LIFO $fl4CE Stet?