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HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1937-07-29, Page 6fr SLICVERY THEN y Slab. s "Ne Matter Row Thin You Slice It * It's Still Brilency'" „.r„si tela ti.is..e "Seven-up' appeuring frequentlyon our streets and in our newsl;apecs (Advt.) it might not bb to inappropriate pptia t ancient turned over the dump of our memory and tried t up story about that pastime. We think It was Irvin` Cobbathabeen ldous first, but we make no apologies for that as it has policy to try and steal from *the best sources. And that reminds 1 u ---after- tile Great War was over, a friend d us at duri of ours who was mixed up in that affair informeth tell thus the four years he was oeel:seas he tried countlesstimes ttale but never could remember how,« it went. Of course stories that require explanation generally fall as flat as pit on a plate, in view of the fact that the illustrious sport of Seven -be as we to bwevt 11 you that th eta eefivedegenerate ways of scorn it ig alightbeaseglif a point in the game; one each for high, jack and game; one for the player who plays low; and also, if the non -dealer doesn't like the ump turned up he can "beg” for it to be changed --and the dealer, refusing to make such change, gives his opponent a point instead. * * * So now, after all this wordiness, let's try and get started. It was down in the hill -billy country in the south, and Lafe Hawkins had been hauled into court on a charge of assault, battery, mayhem a' and attempt to murder Lem Yokum. « Lem was a sorry sight indeed as the judge looked him over—in fact he appeared as if he had received the going-over of his life. "Lafe Hawkins,” said the judge sternly, "thabeforeryetand nds the evidence of what ye clone. What have ye got toy Yos if. anything?" * * • "Well, jedge, it's a sad story," began the defendant. "It hap- pened this -away. Lem! and me had been a-settin' in the back room of the tavern, a-playin of Seven-up—seven p'ints to the game—and two bits on every game. • « * * 'I had been a-losin' steady all afternoon, till I were down to my last two -bits in the world. And then along Come this game and the score stood six for me, o n ; m. for `e Lem "It beggede somgindeal, so I him one,dole and the playand up trump. began." * * « * He flang his ace—and I played ray tray for low. He flang his king—I played my ten. He Hang his queen—and I played the jack." "And then, jedge, then—the mizzable skunk flang his deuce and I hit him." * * * * The suggestion is being put forth that the Athletic Commission —in future boxing bouts—should be prepared to over -rule the de- cision of judges, or referee, in case they think that anything is wrong with same.. * * * * Which, with due apologies to everybody concerned, certainly sounds screwey to us. What is the use of having officials in charge of a bout if their word is not to be taken—and what control can they hope to have if they are in there knowing that their decision may be reversed? * * * * If the Commissioners are better judges of who won or lost a fight, then why, in the name of common sense, not let them do the judging right from the start? • * * « It all sounds too much like what appears to be happening in the vicinity of Queen's Park. A man is put in charge of a depart- ment, and is supposed to be in control of it. * * * « But if he makes a decision that doesn't meet with the approval of certain quarters, along comes the Big Head Man and cancels that decision with no;more hesitancy than if he was telling an office boy to head in. * * « * And the nominal chief of the department has to take it—and try and like it—or else. • `.—«eerwrille=b-drreVrrey and keep it out of sport—or one of these days there won't be any sport left. With his message of good cl e,nrrl ['to carries bopo and oonlidenO' To those assailed by fear, So here's a song to the Optimist Who joyously works and slags And daily shows this weary world The way to better things, — --Grenville K.leiser ;fi. Clipped - "Where there is a nail!' there is a way, and where there is to will there are -a lot of Righting rola." tives." Be was very fat and stood behind an irritable old wotnan in a lin that was waiting to get in a show: She -- Stop pushing; can't you?" lIe — "Excuse me, madame. l did not push, I only sighed," tuff and . Nonsense We don't believe times are as good as they say. There doesn't seem to be enough insurance agents bothering us. Clothier — "Were you pleased with. the overcoat I sold you?" Customer — "Oh, yes. All my boys have worn it." Clothier — "Well! Well!" Customer — —"Yes, each time it has been worn in the rain the next smallest ine has take it." Go-getters are not always keepers. Some unhappy marriages might be prevented if the method suggested by the following from the Pathfinder were adopted. Young Man — "Sir, your charming /laughter has invited me to dinner." Her Father — "I'll do better than that. I'll invite you to breakfast. And then you can see how she looks In the morning without her makeup." To tell a funny story, tell the point and omit the story. Mrs, Smith rushed into her living room. Mrs, Smith — -"Oh, John, I dropped ray diamond ring off my finger •and I can't find it anywhere." John (calmly) — "It's all right dear. I came across it in my trousers pocket." Hairy Customer -- "Hair cut, singe, shampoo, mustache clipped and the beard trininied, and — er — where can I put this cigar?" • Barber -- "Would you mind keep- ing it in your mouth, sir, "It'll be sort of a landmark," Visitor — "I can't tell you how de- .. STOPPED IN A MINUTE .. Are you tormented with the itching t .rtures of eczema, rashes, athlete's feet. eruptions, or other *kin afflictions? For quick and Happy relief, eae cooling, antiseptic, liquid D. D. D. Prescriptlorf. Its gentle oils soothe the irri- tated skin, Clear, greaseless and stainless -- dries fast. Stops the most Intense Stelling instantly, A 350 trialbottle, tet drub stores, ptoses it—or motto back, 20 Issue NO. 31—'37 lighted I am, Mrs. Giles. My son Reg- gie has won a scholarship." Farmer's Wife — "I can understand your feelings, ma'am. I felt just the same when our pig won a blue ribbon at the County Fair. Pat wanted to borrow some money from Michael, who happened to have a small boy,with him at the moment. Pat —• "'Tis a. fine boy you have there with you, Mike. A magnificent head and noble features. Could you loan me ten?" Mike — "I could not. 'Tis me wife's child by her first husband." Read it or not — "Angels do not have wings." THE OPTIMIST I sing a song to the Optimist, To the man that is brave and strong, Who keeps his head when things go right, And smiles when things go wrong. I am proud of the genial Optimist, His radiant voice an dspeech; Ho helps smooth the rugged Path Of all within his reach. I like the way of the Optimist Who looks for the bright an dthe best He scatters sunshine as he goes And leaves his fellows blest, I am glad to meet the Optimist, Good definition of Salesmanship "The art of selling products that will not come back to customers who will" Loss In Ayrshire By, Caterpillar Plague' EDINBURGH.—A plague of cat- erpillars is causing extensive damage to the sheep pasturage in the Achil Hils near Glendevon. One sheep far men reckons he has already lost over a thousand acres of grazing, while he has already found it necesary to bring his sheep down to the winter feeding. Acre after acre is swarming with caterpillars, the largest about two inches long, steadily on the move, and not only eating the grass, , but burrowing down to the roots as%eil. The caterpillars are of a species identified with the hill pastures and causing serious damage in "epidemic" form. They have a. processionary habit, moving from place to place: It was stated that a similar plague had broken out to an alarming de- gree in Southern Ayrshire, the sheep hirsel of Dunside four miles south, of New Cumnock, being seriously affect=. ed. Owing to the number of dead cat- erpillars lying in the field drains and streams in the Denny watershed, it has been considered advisable to ,shut off the upper reservoir at Overton in Case the grubs should find their way into the water supply, which is unfil- tered. There has been a spread of the plague in the direction of Loch Coulter. • Beggars' Congress Hundreds of beggars from all over Poland recently attended a con- gress near Warsaw to debate on the subject of begging operations car- ried on In the nearby health resorts, wlicae visitors are looked on by the fraternity as a natural source of in- oome. Hotel proprietors, anidous to keep ,their victims to themselves suggest- ed that a ttu on visitorsmight raeet 'the case, if the proceeds were shared out among the beggars. 13ut the lat- tor refused point-blank, on the ground that their "old and noble tra- dition" should not be allowed ' to die out. Jojne Arbus, who was elected leader of the beggars, comes of a longline of professional vngrapts, his father, grandfatherand great- grandfather having followed the same road, as do his eight successful chil- dren. The one white sheep in the family, was a son who went into re- spectable trade, 'and was turfed out for letting his relations down. Sturdy Pcc:' ants The Windsor Daily Star writes: -- People ask howit is that France Can survive what seems to be body blows that would take the starch out of most countries. The present politi. cal predicament of an unbalanced budget and a terriffic debt is just another phase of the troubles and crises through which the French2Dllave passed in recent years. The answer is that a sturdy peas- ant people form the backbone of France. They are a frugal folk, who live in a harsh manner, but they are hard-working, honest and God -fear- ing. They fake life as they find it, which is pretty hard at times. But they face life with a determination to wrest a.livelihood. from the soil, no matter what may happen to hinder or impede their efforts. Those sturdy French peasants make a nation that has met and con- quered such adversities as invasion twice within half a. century, Politi- cians may go, cities may prosper and cities may be depresrlt d, but the French farming communities go on and on, winning a hard living from the soil by honest toil, and building a national fabric that endures no matter what may try to wreck it. Str.•'Allge World Education Note: A 22 -year-old driver, fined £1 at Margate for driv- ing as a learner without a qualified driver, pleaded that as he was un- able to read or write he was ignor- ant of the regulations. His wife had applied for a driving license for him. Hen's Kittens: An Ohio ben has taken under her wing 7 kittens de- serted by their mother. Fried to Swallow Bus: The arm of a mechanical excavator swept out A spectacular feature of the' Coron- ation Year Jamboree of the Scouts and Cubs of Winnipeg was a living Coronation Crown, composed of 700 Wolf Cubs Another feature was a great "Scout World Friendship Wheel the living Scout spokes of which, re- presenting the different Scouting countries of the world, revolved,, sing- ing, about a figure representing.. the Scouts' patron saint, St, George. On a giant checker board small Wolf Cub checker men hopped about as they were moved in an actual game. Continued evidence of the practical value of Boy Scout training recently. brought the gift of headquarters buildings to the Scout Troops of three Ontario towns. A new club house in Agricultural Park, Owen Sound was presented by the Town Council and formally opened by His Worship May- or ayor Jackson. At Sarnia a new Scout home, to be known as Coronation Hall, was presented the local Scout Association by Mrs. W. J. Hanna, and at Tillsonburg the Bell Telephone Co were the donors of a building on condition that the Scouts remove'd it to a site given by Miss Cora Ander- son. An experimental camp for sightless Boy Scouts of the Scout' troop of the Blind Scheel, of Bebala, Calcutta, was counted a promising success. The 19 blind lads, in groups of five, were in charge of "sighted" Scouts, and took care of all camp details except the cooking. A three mile hike was one of the Scouting experiences greatly enjoyed by the boys. Because of the tidiness ..of the camp, and the smart appearance of the boys, visitors at first did not recognize that the Boy Scouts were sightless. "Smiling Mixture" Is a medicinal novelty at the Rosemary Convales- cent Home for Boy Scents at Herne Bay, England. The mixture, which is plain vinegar and water, hangs on the wall, with the prescription. "This mix- ture to be taken in tablespoons three times a day for non-grinnicus, nftn• laffieus, and any who have the dole- ful dumps and dismals." It has only been used once -- by a nurse! "If all boys were in the Boy Scout movement, many magistrates and police would soon be out of a job." — Magistrate S. 13. Arnold, of Chatham Ontario. and grabbed the side of a 32 -seater bus in Kent, ripping it from end to end. 50 Years Late: Tho widow of Dr. Hillard, of Grimsby, Ontario, who died in 1919, bas just received a -letter from an anonymous writer, enclosing 41 in settlement of a debt owing to her husband over 50 years ago. The Game's the Thing: ,k ' High Wycombe cricketer bad almost reach- ed the pitch to bat'in a village Crick- et match when .a lad rushed on to the pitch crying, "Come at once, your house has fallen in 1" "Good," said the batsman, taking a careful '"mid- dle and leg." He played a steady in- nings, put his 'team on the way to victory, then went home to his cen- tury -old cottage. The front garden was a mound of bricks and debris. Tinned Frog: A factory has been built in Bosnia for tinning snails and frogs' legs. Grandmother's Chair My grandmother, she, at the age of eighty-three, One day in May was taken ill and died; And after she . was dead, the will of course was read By a lawyer as we all stood by his side. To my brother it was found she had left a hundred pounds, The same unto my sister, I declare; But when it came to me, the lawyer said, "I see She has left to you her old arm chair," Chorus: And how they titer'd, how they chaff'd, How my brother and sister laughed; When they heard the lawyer declare Granny had only left to me her old arm chair. 1 tho't it hardly fair, still I said I did not care, And in the evening took the chair away; The neighbours they me chaff'd, my brother at me laughed, And said it will be useful, John, some day; When you settle down in life; find some girl to be your wife, You'll find it very handy, I declare; On a cold and frosty -night when the fire is burning bright You can then sit in your old arm chair. What, my brother said was true, for in a year or two, Strange to say I settled down in mar- ried life; I first a girl did court and then tha ring I bought, Toole her to church and then was my The oldirl and me were as happy ••oa�Ic7 asp,• . ,.._W; ..� _ _.,,.� For when, my work was over, I de- clare, I neer abroad would roam but each night would stay at home, Ansi be seated in my old arm chair. One night the chair fell down, when I picic'd it up I found The seat had fallen out upon the floor; And there, to Iny surprise, I saw be- fore my eyes, A lot of notes, two thousand pounds or more. When my brother heard of this, the fellow, I confess, Went nearly mad with rage and tore -- his hair; But I only laugh'd at him, and then said unto him, Jun, Don't you wish you had the old arm chair. "Flocking" To Britain LONDON.—A decision to make an experimental export of 36,000 mut- ton sheep to the London market has been reached at a meeting of the Livestock and Mer` Control Board of Johannesburg. Shipments are to begin as soon as the required shipping space is avail- able. They will cover a period of 12 weelcs, during which 3,000 sheep are to be exported each wee; The main decision for this decision is to avoid- overstocking on farms, which this year will carry a particu- larly high percentage of sheep. eereeeeefeeleekieeitee les Without a Sigh For Rudy, Dancer Sails For Cannes With Troupe eelle ti. ▪ paAka! '::: �? eutt>'aaw>x�iE�ap�_ • 00, siet • Eveiyti Gresham (third from left) smiles' farewell, to New York in Cannes, !+ranee, where awn is her the French Count who is ruin - as she 7"a00 ',kWh • members of a thawing troupe for an engagement �• Dred to have replaced Rudy Vallee in her heart. A COAST-TO-COAST "SMOKE -UP" Wise roll -your -owners will tell you Ogden's is the feature of the smoke - enjoyment programme. They know that,finerflavour and cooler, smoother smoking are assured --every time -- with Ogden's Fine Cut and "Vogue" or "Chantecler" papers. And there's a bigger 15c. package of Ogden's, now! Soap "And Water Don't Harm Eggs Curator Gives Collection Careful Bath MILWAUKEE.—Even the dainty.. egg of a ruby -throated humming. bird . came unimpaired through a soap and water bath to which 3,328 eggs were subjected at the Milwaukee museum. Marvin H. Adams, assistant cura- tor of birds and mammals, applied a soft brush to the collection to prepare it for new show eases after it had been withdrawn from exhibition for a time. All of the eggs excepting one are from North American birds. There are 795 sets from 720 species and sub -species, and 84 nests. Derivation of the collection ranges from the ex-' tinct passenger pigeon to the alba- tross and the California condor. They were gathered, often at risk of his life, by the late Benjamin Goss, a native of Pewaukee, Wis. Be- fore his death in 1893 he had eggs of all the North . American birds known to his contemporary ornith- ologists. Women On The Farm CHARLOTTETOWN, Branches of agriculture that can well be' de-.� veloped by women were fruit, vege- table and hicken canning; poultry raising, butter making, bee keeping i and production of honey, raising of pigs for bacon, gardening, and small I fruit growing, according to replies to 1 a questionnaire sent, out by the Pro- vincial Convener of Canadian Indus- tries, Mrs. W. A. Alley, of the Prince Edward Island Women's Institutes. Noble Industry HEREFORD, England.—Declai ing the 'oldest and most- noble indus- tries in the world" were tilling' the 1 soil and breeding cattle, the Arch- bishop of Canterbury. said the old , England of the West Country was l the England kinsmen overseas looked upon as the motherland. Classified Advertising AGENTS WANTED lig1lECLUSIVI] AGENCY, MAN OR WOMAN, 4L4 Malte money easily, selling new patented Clothes Pins. Sells quickly. Ten cents a dozen, , Man one dollar, special twenty dozen trial. Fox Agencies, 21 Icing St. East, 'r' mow, , AGENTS WANTED) JRTRAIT AGENTS WRITE FOR CATA- lopuc and prices - Big money malting proposition. United Art, Toronto 2. YHU'rotlitA1'iiv 'all NLARGE,Mi NT IrRE 1 were Cvulty 4 25 cent order Roll alms developed anO eight prints 25 cents, reprint:+ •i rents each, nriphtling, 25 Richmond Street Past, Toronto, COLLECTION SERVICE' NTARIO COLLECTION AGDNCItS, EX. - perienced Collection Service, Bailiffs, Star Bldg„ 'Toronto. 11,41GOS WANTED; warm: need ST P-4 premlu.t earl n ell grades; bapk rel- nrenees, A. , ramit, Kone Ave., Toronto, Started Chicks, Pullets, Cockerels •.w , woes of I r,u'let*, rred T.e••*^.) G. +70 d'': r)• ckere'4 13-rrerl $8.95. Three week old pullets, Barred Rocks, 510.55; Leghorn. $23.45; Cockerels Barred, Rocks, $12.05. Four week old pullets, Bar- red Rocks, $24,95; Leghorns, 523.45. Flea week old pullets, Barred Rocks, $20.05: Leg - horns, 533.45. Four-six week old pullets, as- sorted breeds, $24.45, All stock from Government Approved Blood. Tested Breeders. Shipped C.O.D. anywhere. Write for prices on six weeks to 20 week old pullets. Twarini.n c:llrmx HATCHERY LIMITED, PERCES, Ont, Baden Started Chicks, Pullets. and Cockerels All from Givernnient Approved Blood Tested Breeders, sated by Big Government ApjiroVed Males, TWe week old Cockerels, Barred, 'Ineaks, $8.451 pullets Barred Reeks, $11.40; ,Leg - horns, $11.955. Three week old 0001(61'61s,Barred ,Rocks, $12,45; putlete Barred 13oeks, $23,40; Leghorns, $21.05. Four week' old pullets Barred Rocks, $28.40; Leghorns, 1 $26.95. Assorted pullets four=sax weeks 'Old, $25.40. Shipped 0.0.1), anywhere. Write for prices on Older pullets 8, weeks to 20.,week* old, , BATfEf1 ELECTRIC CI -110E ISATC1'3ERT, BA151E3N, tiht. G ti n it A E of p pi P1 er , Pe nil Eon a ih ht, TI eV op co ey a fila ed Yo 1, re le: 1�: