Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1937-07-22, Page 2SLICED VERY THIN By Sixbits "No Matter- How Thin You Slice Tt it .Still Baloney". G: cc1 u„',.rn the talk of a, Government Commission to control horse racing is tolho fore;.and although there is nothing startling or novel about such talk, this time it looks as though there might be something more to it than mere conversation. Our own interest in the subject is more or less academic -raft, kaff—as outside of a very occasional cne or two ,dollar hunch bet we pad very slight attention to The $port of Kings. * But if a Racing Commission should be created we wouldn't expect ani very revolutionary results from its activities. It would be either a paid commission --in which case the jobs would go to men who are * friends of the right ted the straight - ticketor who ht people, men whoave always s o know where the body is buried. y voted Or else it would be an Honorary Commiss.on, with the appointees probably looking on. it as an excuse .for posing gracefully in the stewards' stands what time they were not strolling across the Mem- bers' Lawns bowing graciously to admiring friends, rather than as a real job that required real work. For it isn't in Members' Enclosures that any monkey business that may be going on can most easily be snxelled out; and sometimes we have privately wondered if a stewards' stand is a really good place to observe from, judging from some of the things we have seen hap- pen during races without any k official action resulting. ytlt Something is undoubtedly wrong with our horse -racing; but there always has been, and very likely always will be. And it is rather remarkable how much more there seems to be wrong with the sport right after you have taken a severe shellacking. In other words, days when your selections come . galloping home in front like trained pigs, all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds, or words to that effect,, and it is surprising how even a small wager on the winner can blind you to the fact that the jockey rid:ng in got away with murder in the race. f But when your thumbs are starting to sprout those painful cal- louses which come from tearing up losing tickets, your whole outlook on life—and especially horse-racing—changes, and you view with gloomy suspicion every move made on the track. If Canadian racing is in any worse shape than in former years, the chief reason you don't need to look any further for than the list of tomorrow's entries in tonight's papers. * s Over south of the border you will see three or four tracks having cards of races with not a single race offering less than a thousand dollars. Here in Canada three hundred up to seven hundred. * * s Where the body lies the buzzards will be gathered—No, that isn't the very polite way to talk about the noble sport. What we men, where the big money is, you will find the best horses, the most prominent trainers, and the,best •jockeys—especially the latter. tk So Canadian racing fan: have to be satisfied with cheap horses that are liable to be hot as a blow torch on Thursday and cold as the feelings between Hepburn and Ding on Saturday; with alleged train- ers who should really be charged admission to the track; and with so- called jockeys who—outside of two or three of them—who, in hap- pier times, would have considered themselves lucky to be allowed to even work a horse, let alone ride one in a race. a of + Which should be about enough of the subject, and we shall merely close with the old one about the trainer who was trying to alibi a very poor race just run by one of his charges. This steed Ieft the barrier about four lengths after the rest and continued to get no better fast—being just about the furlong post when the others were finishing. Half an hour later his trainer came into the paddock, where he was accosted by a friend of ours. "That was a terrible race your gelding ran," he said. "How come?" "Oh, didn't you hear?" replied Mr. Alibi. "That gelding was badly •cut down during the heat, so what could you expect." "I watched that heat very closely from start to finish"•'responded our friend. 'And if your horse was cut clown, it must have been -•on the nose." Stuff and Nonsense Comforting At a cricket match one of the batsmen received a ball full in the mouth, breaking a number of teeth. When the return match was being played the unfortunate batsman found himself about to face the same bowler. "I say," he shouted, "don't go af- ter my teeth this time, will you?" "No, it's your stumps I'm after now!" A Weak Argument The engineer engaged in a rail- way enterprise in South America was seeking local support for a road and attempted to give the matter point. He asked a native: Extra values at no ex- tra cost ... that is your positive guarantee when you buy Firestone Tires. Among these are Firestone's 2 Extra Cord Plies under the tread that bind the tread and body into an elastic inseparable unit making it safe at any speed. You pay nothing for this extra feature that gives you extra safety and extra mileage. Get the most for your money. Firestone Tires do not cost one cent more than ordinary tires. Have the nearest Firestone Dealer replace worn tires today. Specify Firestone tires as original equipment when buying a new car. LOW PRICE: TIRES No matter how little you can afford for tires go to the Firestone Dealer first. He has a genuine Firestone tire to suit every purse that will give you the safest lowest cost mileage. Sees Danger • In Kissing Georgia State Bacteriologist Warns Chronic Pyorrhea•;; May Result DETROIT. — Kissing may be quite the thing to some persons 'but ,'the time -Honored custom is just ,an un- sanitary health menace to Dr. Marvin M. Harris, 30 -year-old 'Formerresident of Detroit anti now bacteriologistfor the State of Georgia IIealtj -Depart- ment, Dr. Harris, here visiting her parents, warns of the danger of los- ing teeth through too -frequent oscula- tion. The attractivegirl and the :amor-' ous male who "feel the love htig nib- bling," should beware of promiscuous kissing or they may fall victims to fusopirochetal,angina, according to Dr. Harris. The forbidding terms is the medical name for a mouth disease which begins in the gums and spreads to the tonsils. "It is most frequently transmitted by kissing and brings on chronic py orrhea," Dr. Harris explained. The teeth become loosened and eventually fall out." Brief Comment What's the exchange rate •on June wedding presents ?—Brandon Sun. It takes a certain amount of back- bone to put it a bold front.—Quebec Chronicle Telegraph. Russia's execution of army' gen erals proves it takes only a few years to travel from the awkward to the firing squad.—Toronto Telegram. • Hitler says his Nazis are in Spain for ore to make munitions --which ' is very honest of him. A little late, but very honest.—Detroit 1Tews. A Congressman has written a book. That's nothing, we know of a Congressman who has read one. — H. L Philips, in New York Sun. Sometimes we think that Russia has really become civilized—and then there is a resumption of mass executions.—Brockville Recorder and Times. THE PERFECT Chewing Tobacco Now that June is over quite a num- ber of young couples have a few things to learn, one of the chief things being that two people can't live as cheaply as one.—The Welland Tribune. Last year Ontario did a liquor business amounting to $27,000,000 and made a profit of $9,000,000, which seems a sizeable percentage of the takings. -Niagara Falls Review. It is said that President Roosevelt is not seeking a third term—and judging from the dissention in his own party it -is unlikely the third term will seek him.—Chatham News. Elgin Liberals have passed a reso- lution endorsing Premier Hepburn's •stand on the C. I. 0. There is one prophet that is not without honor in his own country. -Peterborough Ex - Let's call the whole thing off: While that civil strife in Spain con- tinues, it's costing Hollywood $1,000,- 000 a month in rental revenues. — Neal O'Hara, in New York Post. Dog Raising Hobby Brings a Rare Painting • Arthur Lloyd, Jr., Oak Park, I11., antique dealer who raises cocker spaniels as a hobby, let a "little old lady" persuade him to trade a puppy for an old painting. Art expert told him it is a valuable work of an 18th century master.. He is shown with it and brother of puppy he traded. "How long does it take to carry your goods to market on mule -back?" "Three days," was the reply. "There's the point," said the en- gineer. "With our road in operation you could take your goods to market- and arketand be back home in one day." `''Very good," answered the native "but what would we do with the other two days?" One Day Slipped By "Six days' notice, cook? I sup- pose you mean a week's notice?" "No, m'm. 1 forgot to tell you yesterday." Under Cove,' An old lady, being shown over a submarine for the first time, was in- terested in the gun on the deck. "Does it get very wet when„you go down?" she asked. "Oh, no mum," said her guide. "You see, when we get the order to submerge; two sailors hold umbrel- las over it." The Hint Young Harry Brown and Lizzie Jenkins had beet to the week -end market; where Harry had bought a young pig and an empty tub. Walk - Mg home together, . at night, along a lonely country lane, with the pig un- der one arm and the tub under the other, Harry was surprised to notice that Lizzie- had suddenly quickened her ' pace and was almost running. °'Ere," called Harry after her. "What are you running away like that for?" "Well, seein" that there's nobody about. but us two, I thought maybe HARNESS AND COLLARS Farmers Attention—Harvest time is nearly.here. Consult your nearest Harness Shop about Staco Harness Supplies. We sell our goods only through your 'local Staco Leather Goods dealer. The goods are right, and so are our prices. We manufac- ture in our factories — Harness, Horse Collars, Sweat Pads, Horse Blankets, and Leather Travelling Goods. Insist on Staco Brand 'Trade Marked Goods, and get satisfaction. Trade only by Sarmel Trees Company Limited 663 King St. West, Toronto WRITE FOR CATALOGUE D -1 Issue No. 30—'37 Canadian Scouts from New Bruns- wick, Quebec, Ontario, Manitoba, Al- berta and British Columbia, to the number of 157, are at present en- camped with some 30,000 Scouts gathered at Washington, D.C., for the big National Scout Jamboree being held June 30th to July 9th. * * * In honor of the Fifth World Jam- boree of Boy Scouts to be held in Holland , from July 31st to August 13th next, the Netherlands Govern- ment has issued special postage stamps of three denominations. A 1% cent stamp depicts a Dutch Boy Scout on a light green background, a six -cent stamp depicts a drummer against a background of flags of dif- ferent nations calling the Scouts of the world together, and a 12% cent stamp portrays the head and should- ers of a curly -headed Dutch Scout with arm outstretched in salute to the youth of the world. The stamps bear the legend "Nederland Wereld Jamboree, 1937." * Crown Prince Michael of Rou- roan;a, who is himself a Boy Scout, attended a week -end Scout Corona tion Jamboree held at Eastnor. Castle, the home of Lord Somers, the ,Deputy Chief Scout. Lord and Lady Baden- Powell also were present, and re- viewed the gathering of Scouts and Guides of Herefordshire, Gloucester- shire and Worcestershire. A num- you'd try to kiss me," giggled Lizzie over her shoulder. "How could I, with this 'ere pig under me arm and the tub under t'other?" "Well," faltered Lizzie, "I was afraid you was thinkin' of putting the pig down and the tub over it." Curious Farmer Fuddlemuch: "Yep, we've got all the new-fangled machinery there is. Our latest buy was two milking machines." City Miss: "How interesting. But tell 11 ie, do they really give as good milk as the cows?" Misunderstood Brown, driving a sports model, was forced to brake quickly, with the re- sult that the car got out of control for a moment and ended within an inch of a lamp -post on the other side of the road. A policeman strolled up and re- marked: "Well, you got a nice skid there, eh ?" "Pardon me," said Brown, haught- ily, "but this lady is my wife." Serious Doctor: "Well, madam, what is your ailment?" Old Lady: "Pains in my arms, doc- tor. I can hardly lift them over my head, and it's the same with any legs." Very Much Alive First-aid Man: "Diel you hold a mirror to her face to see if she was still breath'.ng?" Assistant: "Yes, and she opened Fly In the Ointment A farmer who was always com- plaining was showing the result of fine growing weather and superior skill in cultivation when his visitor said to him: "Well, you ought to be satisfied with such crops as these. There is certainly nothing lacking. You have nothing to kick about this year." The old farmer stood in a meditat- ing mood for a minute, then replied:: "Well, you know, son, such crops its these are pesky hard on the soil." ber of similar Scout Coronation Jam- borees were held in other parts of England. * "* On their way to the National Jamboree at Washington, D. C.,` a party of 40 American Boy Scouts from Portland and Seattle district troops paid an international good- will visit to the Canadian Rockies on a recent Sunday and presented the flag of' the Portland Scout Troop 59 to the 1st Banff, Alta., Scout Troop at an official ceremony at Chateau Lake Louise. Presentation of the, flag was made possible through mem= bers of the Urlburt Worsham Ameri- can Legion Post of Portland in co- operation with Major P. J. Jennings, superintendent of Banff National; Park. The Banff Scouts made ao. reciprocal offering by decorating one of the American Scouts with a color- ed neckerchief. * The new Lieutenant Governor for6 Alberta, Hon. J. C. Bowen, and like his predecessor, Patron of the Boy;, Scouts Association of the Province,' was duly invested as a Boy Scout by Provincial Commissioner J. ;;3. Woods of Calgary, at a largely.. attended Scout Coronation Sunday , service in the Prince of Wales Armouries, at Edmonton. Classified Advertising AGENTS WANTED '1CDORTRAIT AGENTS WRITE FOR CATA- nn toque and prices — Btg money making proposition. United Art, Toronto 2. _. BADrn PULLETS AT ROCK' BOTTOM', , PRICES A LL I•'ROM GOVERNMENT ''APPROVED -ca. blood -tested breeders, sired by big males: 2 week olds, Barred Rocks $14.40, Leghords $17.95; 3 weelc olds, Barred Rocks $18.40, Leghorns $21.95; 4 week olds, Barred Rocks 523,40, Leghorns 520.05; Assorted Breeds, 4-6 wcehs old $20.40. Shipped C.O.D. anywhere. Baden Electric Chick Ilatehery, Baden, Ont. 1T1CCtJ WANTED; WHITE; IIIGSEST L', 'Premium p';(l 00 ^'l hank 1•ef- erencerl. A. Z:•= --'t, 5 ii`.ne tLY•e., ':fronto. Good Used Clothing r-..,.01) MEN'S SUITS, FORMERLY 535 to $00, c, when new, now selling far 57, $3 and 69. Made by the best tailor„ in Canada. Also . a full line of odd pants and add coats, $L50. 51.75 and 32. 300 pairs cf new flannel pants, 51.95. Send money order. Satisfaction guar- anteed cr money returned. The Yonge St. Clothing Co., 502 rouge St., Toronto. PHOTOGRAPH Y NLARGEMENT PREP•. WITH EVERY X:.1 25 cent order. Roll films developed and eight prints 25 cents, reprints 3 cents each. urightling. 20 Richmond Street East, Toronto. MEDDLE PULLETS AT BARGAIN PRICES i) WEED OLD, BARRED ROCRS, $15.05; New Ham pshireo, White Rocks, $10.955; Le gh,.rns, 510.45. 3 week pad, Barred Rocks 510.95, Legberns 1;23.45. 4 week old, Barred Racks 524.05, L eghorns 523.45. A11 pullets from Gavernme-t Approved, blood -tested brraders, hatche;l from big eggs,. Shipped C.O.D. anywhere. !:waddle Chick EIatehery, Limited, Fergus, Ontario. T VI I 11 TORTURE STOPPED In A Mfnute / For quick relief from the itching of p'mpies, blotehesi eczema, athlete's foot, rashes and other skin eruptions, apply Dr. Dennis' cooling, antiseptio, liquid D. D. D. PRESCRIPTION. Its gentle oils soothe the irritated skin. Clear, greaseless and stainless—dries fast. Stops the most intense itehing instantly, A 35o trial bottle, at drug stores, proves it—or money back. Ask for— 30 ii, o • 1! • 6�.�'C....Z aa'Z. G rx. .i'9'dtib .i2:F;1 .a•: o• *5' •r. , �1'. -'Y3 16risiot �rii END PMN -- Soothe f SORE HANDS by Rubbing in s3 I o t c I 1: a t f t n 1 t a 1 s 0 c t 1 t 0 1 d y 9 1 ,t 1 tl •f f f� ti