HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1937-07-22, Page 2SLICED VERY THIN
By Sixbits
"No Matter- How Thin You Slice Tt it .Still Baloney".
G: cc1 u„',.rn the talk of a, Government Commission to control horse
racing is tolho fore;.and although there is nothing startling or novel
about such talk, this time it looks as though there might be something
more to it than mere conversation.
Our own interest in the subject is more or less academic -raft,
kaff—as outside of a very occasional cne or two ,dollar hunch bet we
pad very slight attention to The $port of Kings.
*
But if a Racing Commission should be created we wouldn't expect
ani very revolutionary results from its activities. It would be either
a paid commission --in which case the jobs would go to men who are
*
friends of the right ted the straight
-
ticketor who ht people, men whoave always s o
know where the body is buried. y
voted
Or else it would be an Honorary Commiss.on, with the appointees
probably looking on. it as an excuse .for posing gracefully in the
stewards' stands what time they were not strolling across the Mem-
bers' Lawns bowing graciously to admiring friends, rather than as a
real job that required real work.
For it isn't in Members' Enclosures that any monkey business
that may be going on can most easily be snxelled out; and sometimes
we have privately wondered if a stewards' stand is a really good place
to observe from, judging from some of the things we have seen hap-
pen during races without any k official action resulting.
ytlt
Something is undoubtedly wrong with our horse -racing; but
there always has been, and very likely always will be. And it is
rather remarkable how much more there seems to be wrong with the
sport right after you have taken a severe shellacking.
In other words, days when your selections come . galloping home
in front like trained pigs, all is for the best in the best of all possible
worlds, or words to that effect,, and it is surprising how even a small
wager on the winner can blind you to the fact that the jockey rid:ng
in got away with murder in the race. f
But when your thumbs are starting to sprout those painful cal-
louses which come from tearing up losing tickets, your whole outlook
on life—and especially horse-racing—changes, and you view with
gloomy suspicion every move made on the track.
If Canadian racing is in any worse shape than in former years,
the chief reason you don't need to look any further for than the list
of tomorrow's entries in tonight's papers.
* s
Over south of the border you will see three or four tracks having
cards of races with not a single race offering less than a thousand
dollars. Here in Canada three hundred up to seven hundred.
* * s
Where the body lies the buzzards will be gathered—No, that
isn't the very polite way to talk about the noble sport. What we
men, where the big money is, you will find the best horses, the most
prominent trainers, and the,best •jockeys—especially the latter.
tk
So Canadian racing fan: have to be satisfied with cheap horses
that are liable to be hot as a blow torch on Thursday and cold as the
feelings between Hepburn and Ding on Saturday; with alleged train-
ers who should really be charged admission to the track; and with so-
called jockeys who—outside of two or three of them—who, in hap-
pier times, would have considered themselves lucky to be allowed to
even work a horse, let alone ride one in a race.
a of +
Which should be about enough of the subject, and we shall
merely close with the old one about the trainer who was trying to
alibi a very poor race just run by one of his charges.
This steed Ieft the barrier about four lengths after the rest and
continued to get no better fast—being just about the furlong post
when the others were finishing. Half an hour later his trainer came
into the paddock, where he was accosted by a friend of ours. "That
was a terrible race your gelding ran," he said. "How come?"
"Oh, didn't you hear?" replied Mr. Alibi. "That gelding was
badly •cut down during the heat, so what could you expect."
"I watched that heat very closely from start to finish"•'responded
our friend. 'And if your horse was cut clown, it must have been -•on
the nose."
Stuff and
Nonsense
Comforting
At a cricket match one of the
batsmen received a ball full in the
mouth, breaking a number of teeth.
When the return match was being
played the unfortunate batsman
found himself about to face the same
bowler.
"I say," he shouted, "don't go af-
ter my teeth this time, will you?"
"No, it's your stumps I'm after
now!"
A Weak Argument
The engineer engaged in a rail-
way enterprise in South America was
seeking local support for a road and
attempted to give the matter point.
He asked a native:
Extra values at no ex-
tra cost ... that is your
positive guarantee when
you buy Firestone Tires.
Among these are
Firestone's 2 Extra Cord
Plies under the tread that
bind the tread and body
into an elastic inseparable
unit making it safe at any
speed. You pay nothing
for this extra feature that
gives you extra safety and
extra mileage.
Get the most for your
money. Firestone Tires
do not cost one cent more
than ordinary tires. Have
the nearest Firestone
Dealer replace worn tires
today. Specify Firestone
tires as original equipment
when buying a new car.
LOW PRICE:
TIRES
No matter how little
you can afford for tires
go to the Firestone
Dealer first. He has a
genuine Firestone tire
to suit every purse that
will give you the safest
lowest cost mileage.
Sees Danger
•
In Kissing
Georgia State Bacteriologist
Warns Chronic Pyorrhea•;;
May Result
DETROIT. — Kissing may be quite
the thing to some persons 'but ,'the
time -Honored custom is just ,an un-
sanitary health menace to Dr. Marvin
M. Harris, 30 -year-old 'Formerresident
of Detroit anti now bacteriologistfor
the State of Georgia IIealtj -Depart-
ment, Dr. Harris, here visiting her
parents, warns of the danger of los-
ing teeth through too -frequent oscula-
tion.
The attractivegirl and the :amor-'
ous male who "feel the love htig nib-
bling," should beware of promiscuous
kissing or they may fall victims to
fusopirochetal,angina, according to
Dr. Harris. The forbidding terms is
the medical name for a mouth disease
which begins in the gums and spreads
to the tonsils.
"It is most frequently transmitted
by kissing and brings on chronic py
orrhea," Dr. Harris explained. The
teeth become loosened and eventually
fall out."
Brief Comment
What's the exchange rate •on June
wedding presents ?—Brandon Sun.
It takes a certain amount of back-
bone to put it a bold front.—Quebec
Chronicle Telegraph.
Russia's execution of army' gen
erals proves it takes only a few years
to travel from the awkward to the
firing squad.—Toronto Telegram. •
Hitler says his Nazis are in Spain
for ore to make munitions --which ' is
very honest of him. A little late,
but very honest.—Detroit 1Tews.
A Congressman has written a
book. That's nothing, we know of a
Congressman who has read one. —
H. L Philips, in New York Sun.
Sometimes we think that Russia
has really become civilized—and
then there is a resumption of mass
executions.—Brockville Recorder and
Times.
THE PERFECT
Chewing Tobacco
Now that June is over quite a num-
ber of young couples have a few
things to learn, one of the chief
things being that two people can't
live as cheaply as one.—The Welland
Tribune.
Last year Ontario did a liquor
business amounting to $27,000,000
and made a profit of $9,000,000,
which seems a sizeable percentage of
the takings. -Niagara Falls Review.
It is said that President Roosevelt
is not seeking a third term—and
judging from the dissention in his
own party it -is unlikely the third
term will seek him.—Chatham News.
Elgin Liberals have passed a reso-
lution endorsing Premier Hepburn's
•stand on the C. I. 0. There is one
prophet that is not without honor in
his own country. -Peterborough Ex -
Let's call the whole thing off:
While that civil strife in Spain con-
tinues, it's costing Hollywood $1,000,-
000 a month in rental revenues. —
Neal O'Hara, in New York Post.
Dog Raising Hobby Brings a Rare Painting
•
Arthur Lloyd, Jr., Oak Park, I11., antique dealer who raises
cocker spaniels as a hobby, let a "little old lady" persuade him to
trade a puppy for an old painting. Art expert told him it is a valuable
work of an 18th century master.. He is shown with it and brother of
puppy he traded.
"How long does it take to carry
your goods to market on mule -back?"
"Three days," was the reply.
"There's the point," said the en-
gineer. "With our road in operation
you could take your goods to market-
and
arketand be back home in one day."
`''Very good," answered the native
"but what would we do with the
other two days?"
One Day Slipped By
"Six days' notice, cook? I sup-
pose you mean a week's notice?"
"No, m'm. 1 forgot to tell you
yesterday."
Under Cove,'
An old lady, being shown over a
submarine for the first time, was in-
terested in the gun on the deck.
"Does it get very wet when„you
go down?" she asked.
"Oh, no mum," said her guide.
"You see, when we get the order to
submerge; two sailors hold umbrel-
las over it."
The Hint
Young Harry Brown and Lizzie
Jenkins had beet to the week -end
market; where Harry had bought a
young pig and an empty tub. Walk -
Mg home together, . at night, along a
lonely country lane, with the pig un-
der one arm and the tub under the
other, Harry was surprised to notice
that Lizzie- had suddenly quickened
her ' pace and was almost running.
°'Ere," called Harry after her.
"What are you running away like
that for?"
"Well, seein" that there's nobody
about. but us two, I thought maybe
HARNESS AND COLLARS
Farmers Attention—Harvest time
is nearly.here. Consult your nearest
Harness Shop about Staco Harness
Supplies. We sell our goods only
through your 'local Staco Leather
Goods dealer. The goods are right,
and so are our prices. We manufac-
ture in our factories — Harness,
Horse Collars, Sweat Pads, Horse
Blankets, and Leather Travelling
Goods. Insist on Staco Brand 'Trade
Marked Goods, and get satisfaction.
Trade only by
Sarmel Trees Company Limited
663 King St. West, Toronto
WRITE FOR CATALOGUE
D -1
Issue No. 30—'37
Canadian Scouts from New Bruns-
wick, Quebec, Ontario, Manitoba, Al-
berta and British Columbia, to the
number of 157, are at present en-
camped with some 30,000 Scouts
gathered at Washington, D.C., for the
big National Scout Jamboree being
held June 30th to July 9th.
* * *
In honor of the Fifth World Jam-
boree of Boy Scouts to be held in
Holland , from July 31st to August
13th next, the Netherlands Govern-
ment has issued special postage
stamps of three denominations. A
1% cent stamp depicts a Dutch Boy
Scout on a light green background,
a six -cent stamp depicts a drummer
against a background of flags of dif-
ferent nations calling the Scouts of
the world together, and a 12% cent
stamp portrays the head and should-
ers of a curly -headed Dutch Scout
with arm outstretched in salute to
the youth of the world. The stamps
bear the legend "Nederland Wereld
Jamboree, 1937."
*
Crown Prince Michael of Rou-
roan;a, who is himself a Boy Scout,
attended a week -end Scout Corona
tion Jamboree held at Eastnor. Castle,
the home of Lord Somers, the ,Deputy
Chief Scout. Lord and Lady Baden-
Powell also were present, and re-
viewed the gathering of Scouts and
Guides of Herefordshire, Gloucester-
shire and Worcestershire. A num-
you'd try to kiss me," giggled Lizzie
over her shoulder.
"How could I, with this 'ere pig
under me arm and the tub under
t'other?"
"Well," faltered Lizzie, "I was
afraid you was thinkin' of putting
the pig down and the tub over it."
Curious
Farmer Fuddlemuch: "Yep, we've
got all the new-fangled machinery
there is. Our latest buy was two
milking machines."
City Miss: "How interesting. But
tell 11 ie, do they really give as good
milk as the cows?"
Misunderstood
Brown, driving a sports model, was
forced to brake quickly, with the re-
sult that the car got out of control
for a moment and ended within an
inch of a lamp -post on the other side
of the road.
A policeman strolled up and re-
marked: "Well, you got a nice skid
there, eh ?"
"Pardon me," said Brown, haught-
ily, "but this lady is my wife."
Serious
Doctor: "Well, madam, what is
your ailment?"
Old Lady: "Pains in my arms, doc-
tor. I can hardly lift them over my
head, and it's the same with any legs."
Very Much Alive
First-aid Man: "Diel you hold a
mirror to her face to see if she was
still breath'.ng?"
Assistant: "Yes, and she opened
Fly In the Ointment
A farmer who was always com-
plaining was showing the result of
fine growing weather and superior
skill in cultivation when his visitor
said to him: "Well, you ought to be
satisfied with such crops as these.
There is certainly nothing lacking.
You have nothing to kick about this
year."
The old farmer stood in a meditat-
ing mood for a minute, then replied::
"Well, you know, son, such crops its
these are pesky hard on the soil."
ber of similar Scout Coronation Jam-
borees were held in other parts of
England.
* "*
On their way to the National
Jamboree at Washington, D. C.,` a
party of 40 American Boy Scouts
from Portland and Seattle district
troops paid an international good-
will visit to the Canadian Rockies on
a recent Sunday and presented the
flag of' the Portland Scout Troop 59
to the 1st Banff, Alta., Scout Troop
at an official ceremony at Chateau
Lake Louise. Presentation of the,
flag was made possible through mem=
bers of the Urlburt Worsham Ameri-
can Legion Post of Portland in co-
operation with Major P. J. Jennings,
superintendent of Banff National;
Park. The Banff Scouts made ao.
reciprocal offering by decorating one
of the American Scouts with a color-
ed neckerchief.
*
The new Lieutenant Governor for6
Alberta, Hon. J. C. Bowen, and like
his predecessor, Patron of the Boy;,
Scouts Association of the Province,'
was duly invested as a Boy Scout by
Provincial Commissioner J. ;;3. Woods
of Calgary, at a largely.. attended
Scout Coronation Sunday , service in
the Prince of Wales Armouries, at
Edmonton.
Classified Advertising
AGENTS WANTED
'1CDORTRAIT AGENTS WRITE FOR CATA-
nn toque and prices — Btg money making
proposition. United Art, Toronto 2. _.
BADrn PULLETS AT ROCK' BOTTOM', ,
PRICES
A LL I•'ROM GOVERNMENT ''APPROVED
-ca. blood -tested breeders, sired by big males:
2 week olds, Barred Rocks $14.40, Leghords
$17.95; 3 weelc olds, Barred Rocks $18.40,
Leghorns $21.95; 4 week olds, Barred Rocks
523,40, Leghorns 520.05; Assorted Breeds, 4-6
wcehs old $20.40. Shipped C.O.D. anywhere.
Baden Electric Chick Ilatehery, Baden, Ont.
1T1CCtJ WANTED; WHITE; IIIGSEST
L', 'Premium p';(l 00 ^'l hank 1•ef-
erencerl. A. Z:•= --'t, 5 ii`.ne tLY•e., ':fronto.
Good Used Clothing
r-..,.01) MEN'S SUITS, FORMERLY 535 to $00,
c, when new, now selling far 57, $3 and 69.
Made by the best tailor„ in Canada. Also . a
full line of odd pants and add coats, $L50.
51.75 and 32. 300 pairs cf new flannel pants,
51.95. Send money order. Satisfaction guar-
anteed cr money returned. The Yonge St.
Clothing Co., 502 rouge St., Toronto.
PHOTOGRAPH Y
NLARGEMENT PREP•. WITH EVERY
X:.1 25 cent order. Roll films developed and
eight prints 25 cents, reprints 3 cents each.
urightling. 20 Richmond Street East, Toronto.
MEDDLE PULLETS AT BARGAIN PRICES
i) WEED OLD, BARRED ROCRS, $15.05;
New Ham pshireo, White Rocks, $10.955;
Le gh,.rns, 510.45. 3 week pad, Barred Rocks
510.95, Legberns 1;23.45. 4 week old, Barred
Racks 524.05, L eghorns 523.45. A11 pullets
from Gavernme-t Approved, blood -tested
brraders, hatche;l from big eggs,. Shipped
C.O.D. anywhere. !:waddle Chick EIatehery,
Limited, Fergus, Ontario.
T VI I 11
TORTURE STOPPED In A Mfnute /
For quick relief from the itching of p'mpies, blotehesi
eczema, athlete's foot, rashes and other skin eruptions,
apply Dr. Dennis' cooling, antiseptio, liquid D. D. D.
PRESCRIPTION. Its gentle oils soothe the irritated
skin. Clear, greaseless and stainless—dries fast. Stops
the most intense itehing instantly, A 35o trial bottle, at
drug stores, proves it—or money back. Ask for— 30
ii,
o • 1! • 6�.�'C....Z aa'Z. G rx. .i'9'dtib
.i2:F;1 .a•: o• *5' •r. , �1'. -'Y3 16risiot �rii
END PMN -- Soothe f
SORE HANDS
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