HomeMy WebLinkAboutZurich Herald, 1927-08-11, Page 7•
,
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I A'•DOCTOR'$ ROMANCE
How a Country Practioner
Was Kidnapped 'to His
Own Good
The country doctor lives a life
seldom sensational. On night latelIa
however, Dr. Albert Patrick of Mar -
dream of peace to play a role seldom
cast outside the cinema. Soant least,
Said last week'news from Los An -
Wife—"I saw the doctor to -day,
!dear, about my loss of memory." Hus-
band—"What did lie do?" Wife—
paade me pay in advance."
• • Boy—"Do you know, dad, that in
'sem° parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?"
IDad—"Why single out Africa?"
The worst thing I can see about
Sinclair Lewis' new book is that it is
about ten times as long as the long-
est sermon we ever heard.
— "You are a peash." The maiden
hung her head. "I—I'd rather be a
pair," she answered.. The invitation
cards are now out..
Wife (at resort)—"Oh, Robert, isn't
It lovely here where the green waves
come rolling in?" Hub—"Yes, and
the greenbacks go rolling out."
Waiter—"Mr. Gray has left his um-
ibrella again. I believe ho would 'for-
get his head if it were loose." Jud-
kins—"I dare asay you are right. I
overheard him say yesterday he was
going to Switzerland. for his lungs."—
Belfast Evening Telegraph.
---
Country Doctor (to friend taking
him on a joy ride)—"It doesn't matter
how fast you daive. I am keeping the
village constable in bed with influen-
za."
Admiring the View.
Country Cousin (after prolonged in-
spection of building operations)—."I
don't see the sense of putting statues
on the top of your buildings." ..
City Cousin—"Statues? Those are
mot statues. They're brick-layers."—
Hardware Age.
• Boomerang.
Browne—"Did you give your wife
that little lecture on economy you
talked about?"
Bakee—"Y es."
"Any result?"
"Yes—I've got to give up smoking."
S --Answers.
• Roped and Branded.
Suitor—"Well, Tommy, congratu-
late me, your sister has just promised
Ito marry me."
Tommy—"That's old news. She
!promised mother she'd marry you
;ages ago."—Passing Show.
Sardine Packer.
First Girl --"My boy's a grocer, and
he tells me the price of ham, cheese,
butter, and eggs. What does your boy
talk about?" -
Second Girl—"Ob, my boy's a train
conductor, and is inclined to say, 'Sit
closer!"—Western Christian Advo-
cate.
Just Dissolved.
. "Is it right that you've severed your
engagement -with. Miss Oveamarte?"
queried the inquisitive friend.
The man shook his head.
"No," he_ replied, "I didn't break
it off."
"Oh! 'She broke it off?"
"No," was the answer again.
"But it is broken off, isn't it?" per-
sisted the curious one. '
"Oh, yes," explained the moody one,
with delicacy. "She told me what her
milliner's yearly bill was, and I told
her how much a week I get. Then
our engagement just sagged in the
middle and gently dissolved."
More Hand -Picked Ads.
A WEAK STOMACH Tho 89431""mg
Can be Strengthened Through
the "Use of Dr. Williams'
Pink Pills.
Wonderful is the process by will
the chemistry of the body ehales
Celine, Mo., awoke froma de P
e- the food we eat into blood. And the
whole of our well-being depends upon
this , being maintained day after day,
year in and year out. Sometimes the
lees. • process becomes faulty, and then food
What sent Dr. Patrick hurrying out begins to poison the blood instead of
of his house, into his flivver and into .
seeding it. This is followed by all
the night, was a telegram asking hira the pangs of indigestion, such as gas
to meet a train at the railroad eta- on the stomach, pains around the
tion. Not many trains stop at Mar- heat, often nausea after eating, and
• celine, Mo„ least of all the ponderous; a dislike for all kinds of food.
filer that groaned to a halt tbis night, The only way to overcome these
dropping off brakemen with lanterng troubles is to tone up the digestion so
and ,a worried conductor. that you can assimilate an your food.
Dr. Patrick ,left his filvver running- To do this you have only to take Dr.
for the emergency, and hurried for- Williams' Pink Pills. A short course
ward with his small black grip at the of these pills will quickly tone up the
'ready. stomach and 'banisli indigestion. Here
Dr. Patrick, did you want me?" is a bit of convincing proof given by
"You bet, hop on," said the con- Mrs. Chas. Ladner, Ellerelie, P.E.I.,
ductor. •who says:—"For some years I was a
Hopping, Dr. Patrick followed his sufferer from stomach trouble. Every -
leader into a Pullman filled with aush- thing I ate caused distress, sour store -
sed excitement. Be was led to a man ac h and belching. I could not eat
Violently ill 1i a drawing -room. As meat or potatoes, and I •grew weak
Dr. Patrick bent forward to begin an and nervous. No medicine seemed to
examination, the long train trembled help me until I was persuaded to take
and jolted. It was moving forward. Dr Williams' Pink Pills, and these
"Stop the train," cried Dr. Patrick,
alarmed. "I can't leave home."
"Sure you can," said a stout gentle-.
man. "Be calm. Just go ahead and
'tend to Mr. Flinn."
"But my Ford's still running out
there by the platform," pleaded Dr.
Patrick.
"That's all right. We'll pay fa -the
gas."
"And anyway I haven't a night-shirt
with zae."
A bald, intense man answered: "If
you get Mr. Flinn to the point where
you dare go to bed, ru lend you my
pajamas."
Dr. Patrick surrendered his whole
attention to the sick man. The train
tore westward. The bald, intense
man wrote out a telegram to Mrs.
Albert Patrick of Marceline, Mo.:
"Dr. Patrick is accompanying us to
Los Angeles to care for a patient.
He'll be home soon."
(Signed) Cecil B. DeMille.
"Two silk garments, with Mabel in-
side, lost by sales -woman. Reward."
"Party who took new broom from
— was seen; if the party will return
the broom and throw it in. the back
yard, no questrons will be asked and
nothing said about the matter."
"Reward offered for the recovery
of body—believed to be drowned. Can
be identified by impediment iii:
speech."
"Governess wanted who would ac-
company a musical lady going to the
country on the piano."
Might Be Able to Do That.
Farmer--"Yer go to th' big agger -
culture college, don't yer, my lad?"
Visiting Student—"Yes; 1 graduate
next year."
Parmer—"Thet's fine—yer can give
me a good name fer my cow then."
gjir the Bathroom.,
EDDY:r
ft
eamiemolOMPen•Mie••••
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vy Toilet Tissue
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Each roll of
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W1
• What Mrs. Patrick said to herself
about this telegram, she alone knows.
What was the matter with John C.
Flinn, head of the Producers & Dis-
tributors Corp., is a professional
secret. But some of the sights and
sensations Dr. Patrick experienced in
the next few days are now part of the
history of Marceline, Mo.
For Dr. Patrick's abduction was by
a whole trainload of cinema folk hur-
rying to a coast convention. Mr.
Flinn's recovery was rapid and happy.
And to reward virtue in true cinema
-
style, Mr. DeMille and friends took
Dr. Patrick for a thorough inspection
of filmland, including even a Mack
Sennett bathing beauty scene. And
they gave him, together with his
ticket back to Marceline, Mo., a fee
whose proportions will not be ap-
proached until Marceline, Mo., breaks
out with simultaneous epidemics of
mumps, colic, babies and pink eye.
SAVE THE CHILDREN
A deadly weapon is the tioinneraag
in the Undo of Australian giavegSsi,
Who made the 'first boonleraurRe one
atonie say an Eskimo boy
found taat a stick thrown at a bird
came bask to him. But We do know
that the boomerang has boon used for
ages.
There are several kinds of boomer-
angs. The first is called "Tootygundy
Wumkura," and it is used in warfare.
It goes straight to tbo spot for winch
aimed, and taco falls to the ground.
The second is the "Trombash." ThiS
is used in hunting wild birds and it
ales farther than an arrow, The )14-1
tives of Abyssinia, use it in war time.
The Trombash is "Marudwul-
len Wunikum" by the Auetraliaus.
The third, the "Come Bach" or "Bun-
gil Wumkum," can be made to de-
scribe a circle of 35 yards without ris-
ing more than twelve feet in the air,
alien thrown by an expert.
The boomerang ordinarily used in
shows or exhibitions is shaped some-
thInglike the blade of a curved sword
with one side coa vex, is 30 or 40
inches long, two to four inches wide,
and half an inch thielt. It is grasped
1 nthe right hand (with convex side
up) by a handle that is slightly rough-
ened. The thrower takes a few quick
steps forward and throws the boom-
erang straight in front of him. Leav-
ing the hand, the boomerang at once
simplyworked wonders. I took the f turns into a horizontal position and
pills faithfully for a couple of months going at great speed it revolves
by which time every eymptorn of alie around its own axis as it goes into the
trouble disappeared, and there has
not since been the slightest symptom
of stomach, trouble. No wonder I
praise Dr. Williams' Pink Pills."
You can get these pills through any
medicine dealer or by mail at 50 cents
a box from The Dr, Williams' Medi-
cine Co., Brockville, Ont.
Summer Noon
• White lily clouds
In violet -skies;
The Sun is at
His highest rise.
The Bee doth hum,
Every bird sings;
The Butterflies
Full stretch their wings.
The Brook doth dance
To his own song;
The Hawthorn now
Smells sweet and strong.
In Summer When Childhood Ail-
ments Are Most Dangerous.
Mothers who keep a box of Baby's
Own Tablets in the house may feel
that the lives of their little ones are
reasonably safe,during the hot weath-
er. Stomach troubles, cholera in-
fant= and diarrhoea carry off thou-
sands of little ones every summer, in
most cases because) the mother does
not have a safe medicine at hand to
give promptly. Baby's Own Tablets
relieve these troubles, or if given oc-
casionally to the well child they will
prevent their coming on. The Tab-
lets are guaranteed by a government
analyst to be absolutely harmless
even to the new-born babe. They are
especially good in summer because
they regulate the bowels and keep the
stomach sweet and pure. They are
sold by medicine dealers or by mail
at 25 cents a box from The Dr. Wil-
liams' Medicine Co., l3rockville, Ont.
--a.-- •
Poison Ivy Relieved by Simple
Compound
According to James F. Couch of
the United States Department of Ag-
riculture, victims of poison ivy will
find quick relief in a 5 per cont. solu-
tion of potassium permanganate,
which can be made up by any drug-
gist. The solution can be swabbed
on the poisoned places with a bit of
absorbent cotton or a soft cloth. The
permanganate leaves a brown stain,
which can be removed by washing
with a 1 per cent. solution of oxalic
tteid,•/), 1 per cent. solution of sodium
bisulphite --or evert with plain soap
and water. ,
If the tkin has been very much
broken by scratching 'or otherwise
and is raw, the oxalic acid .will cause
a temporary stinging.; in this case
soap and water are preferable for re-
inovihg attains. If the skin is very
tender the solution of potassium per-
tnanganate may be diluted with water
before using.
--as
Amateur Selentist—"Do you realize
4 r what Wonders there are in a drop of
'Water?" Friend—"Yes; Iny wife Mid
I client our honeymoon looking' at
ono." "What, gazing at a drop of
Iwater?" "Yes. The Niagara Pails."
The green leaves clap
Their wings to fly
Like birds whose feet
Birdtime doth tie.
Sing all you Birds,
Hum all you Bees;
Clap your green wings,
Leaves o nthe trees—
I'm on with all,
This present hour;
Things far -away
• Have lost their power.
—WK. H. Davies, in "Nature Poems."
Careless.
Suddenly a dreadful thought occur-
red to Mallinson. He had started out
for the local cinema in company with
his wife, and suddenly remembered
that the coal -cellar door was unlock-
ed,
So be went back, and turning the
key in the lock, put it in, his pocket
and retraced his steps to the cinema.
On returning three hourslater he
found a neighbor in. a state of great
indignation.
"What's wrong?" inquired Mr. Mal-
linson.
"D'ye no ken ye ha'e locked ma
wife in. your coal -shed?" was the un-
expected reply.
Mlnard's Liniment for burns.
A barrister was cross-examining a
rather innocent -looking countryman.
"So you had a pistol?" the barrister
asked. "1 hada sir." "Whom did you
intend to shoot with it?" "1 wans't
intending to shoot anyone." "Then
it was for noth'ng that you got it?"
"No, it wasn't." "Come, come, sir!
By virtue of your solemn oath, what
did you get the pistol for?" "By
virtue of my solemn oath," said the
countryman, "1 got it for ten -and -six-
pence!"
air. In returning it curves toward the
left, describes an eclipse, gradually
loses momentum and falls within a
few paces of the starting point. To
the onlooker it seems to hang motion-
less in the air at the point of turning,
but this is because the eye is not
quick enough to follow its movement.
On its return the boomerang is either
allowed to drop to the ground, or JOHILli,d120N
caught in a net, since its force is still 49th
so great that it might injure the hand
if the thrower attempted to catch it.
Some boomerangs are so aliened
that they will rise 200 feet in the air.
The Arunta savages of Australia have
a peculiarly ornamented boomerang
that is not found with any other tribe.
AN entirely new
and awe-iuspir-
ing Grand StandSpec-
tacle "CANADA"
presented by 1,500
performers. New
Agricultural Pavilion
—an 8 acre extension
to the aN.E.Coliseurn.
New$160,000 Diamond
Jubilee of Confedera-
tionEntrance,and the
$50,000 World Champ-
ionship Swim, Wed-
nesday, August 31st.
These are only a few
features of the great
Confederation . Year
Programme.
Write Department of Publicity, Canadian,.
National Exhibition, Toronto 2, Ont.
for pictorial booklets.
It is...carved with curves and grOONT-PS,
with mountains and caterpillars, in
raised design painted with red ochre.
Things Worth
Knowing About
Minard'e Liniment tollevto Backache.
I believe in punishment—a whipping
if necessary—but I do not believe in
executing any one.—Henry Ford.
west
ntle,
Gunlaipped. Tires
Firestone pioneered, developed, tested
and placed on the market the Balloon
Gum -Dipped Tire—the genuine FULL-
SIZED Balloon Tire.
With but half the usual air pressure,
these tires are very soft and yielding.
They absorb the holes, ruts and bumps
in the road. They cushion the car and
and passengers from shocks and vi-
bration.
Firestone Gum-Dipping—by which
each fibre and strand of cord lathe tire
is impregnated and coated with pure
gum—adds the extraordinary strength
and flexibility which makes the Balloon
construction practical.
Firestone Dealers are kept up-to-date
on tire development and service --con-
tinually progressing and improving
their ability to serve you better and
save your money. Seethe nearest Fire-
stone Dealer and let him handle your
requirements.
FIRESTONE TIRE & RUBBER CO.
OF CANADA LIMITED
Hamilton, Ontario
MOST MILES PER DOLLAR
Firestone Builds the Only Gum -Dipped Tires
Proved safe by millions and prescribed by physicians for
Colds •• Headache Neuritis Lumbago
Pain Neuralgia. • Toothache Rheumatism
DOES NOT AFFECT THE HEART
:Accpt, Only "Oaver"
which contains proven clirection.b.
Handy "Bayer" boxes of 12 tablets
- Also bottled of 24 and 1.00—Druggists.
tr de a k (retdatered In Canada) et Sewer Manefseture of kioninieette-
neldeettit Salicyliefteld (Acetyl Salleilie Add, A, S. A. •Ile It is Well knoccla
thilt AtMeln oceans payee inatiartOttlgO, to ascot the public against Ilaltatlena, the Tablets
et 110$01. Company will ettuipect rath Welt geetirat trate Meat the lie.yer Cress,"
Aspirin Is the it r
JOHN 0. KENT
Managing Diming
Year
A witty correspondent defines a.
flirtation as "a spoon with nothing in
it."
Classified Advertisements
GENTS, EITHER SEX-375.cm
.WEPIKLY FIA.S17 selling PALCO
CLEANERS. Cleans everything like
Magic. Removes it0AD TAR without
injury to Paint. Sells on demonstration,
Free samples. 1'. A. L114`El3VREI &
CO., Alexandria, Ont.
0 WEN'S 13LIIE POWDER CLEANS
auto tops, upholstery. rugs, blinds,
tapestries, caps like magic. Remove$
shine trom clothes, Liberal commis-
sion if you act as our agent. Every
household a prospect. Send 25c for
Package, Owen, 331 Ray, Toronto.
Use Giltiosra _.Soap;
And Ointment _
To Heal Sore Hands
V:PREF BOOK
CAN LJ 1-SE-INTonaltintUEST
Tells cause of cancer and what to de
for pain, bleeding,odor, etc. Write for
it to -day, mentionir.5.; this paper. Ad.
dress Indianapolis Cancer Hospital
Indianapolis, Ind.
7knsa
rra.
Mix Minard's wit?) sweet oil
or ercara, and. ;Tale, Quick
and permanent reef.
ll! \p35J
Ming S- ft -Et
" PIMP g,,,-",7
RESTORE TO
ROOD HEAL II
Mother of Eleven Children
Praises Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound
Her Interesting Experiencti'
Buckingham, Queboc.—"I am the
mother of eleven living childre4,.
and my baby Is
five months old,
I am only 33 yeare
old and I have I
taken L y d xa E. I
Pinkhara's Vege-
table Compound •
for we.7.-1.:,(; and •
• Inv nerv.-:-..1 laiew :
of it fm my
Ed-
• ouard Doll( fmille
o f Ramanyville.
For five years I
was in misery and was a1wal,.3 ready ,
to cry. Now I am so happy Lo have
good healtli. L:Ty daughter, .who is
13 ,euro cd, has. also takcn i and
17:11bo imeav tar:a:ern:nom] all
7011:1;2*,.e...71;.3.'—Darro Wit.t.J+..1
t.a'aava)a- as as c.
*ti Ey fe,r y? . -e wt1.4... It -
d oth< r -is
I.) v7orn,nr to
rze, when Lyda F..
VcEd•tallo Cornpatal 1 w 1 -;ac you
relief'?
In a recent. eulitntvy-o:'.,,:otx\ u5
c f p..zrclulners of 3.,y4..a. mk.lam's
Vep;etable Compound, over 250,000
replies were received, and r:3 ont of
every 103 reported they wore 'bene-
fited by its use.
. •
ISSUE No. U. -'X,7
oi