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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Herald, 1904-06-24, Page 2TAKING THE FARMER DOWN. Bumptious Rustic Had to Turn Over His Money to the Wag. A couple of individuals were recently 'gazing with admiration ata fine fat beast at a cattle show. "I wonder what his weight might be?" observed one of them, who, as it happen- ed, was a cockney without any special knowledge. "It's easy enough to guess pretty nigh ft,' said the other man, a stalwart far- mer, looking with some contempt at his companion. "Oh,well," said the cockney, "I think 1 could. guess as near as you can." "Could ye, now?" roared the farmer. "Well, I'll bet yea sovereign ye can't." "Done!" returned the cockney. "How srueh 'do you say?" "After a critical survey, the farmer replied: "A hundred and seventeen stone." "Well," said the cockney, 'Til say a hundred and seventeen stone, too. Now hand over the money." "What d'ye mean?" "Well, I said I'd guess as near as you, and I've done so. I've guessed exactly the same." And the bystanders taking his part, the bumptuous. farmer had to give hint the money. TOO MUCH COURI.1NG IN CHURCH. An English Minister Searching for Some Way to Curb It; The vicar of St. Pant's, Scotforth, Lancashire, says the London Mail, has incited suggestions from. his congrega- tion for the eurtailluent of opportuni- ties for courting in church. One member of the congregation has proposed that offenders should be placed in seats nearer the pulpit, and the vicar's own remedy is the drafting of a "black list," The curate hinted at a separation of the sexes, and mentions that he has even heard of photographs being handed about by young pople in th church. Th vicar certainly thought it a duty to restrain the practices as far as pos- sible, and finally two laymen were ap- pointed to discuss and recommend pre- ventive measures. if w:`19.d.'•itiatl9 hhrif. ah".li{3Ykr"fi�:m _ S'iWG!rP+r:'x'Si*.. •s ;-,r lilava S.•ou.'hecarell of ekap -I1evrw Ceaataxry Hea11laeaar® a,g 'il lashing1!ackuirae? If you use it once you would ring this in on all year friends. It is the acme of perfection—you sit when using it—no handling of the clothes necessary to dear, them perfectly -5w minutes does a tubful. Costs only ,<s.st,• Tour dealer can procure them. We will send a deeoriptave booklet on appli- cation. T4E BOWNIF.13. l?1Q. CO. LTD. HAMILTON, CANADA Apokonenromularrama THE MOST DEADLY POISON. Three Grains Would Kill Many Per- sons. A new and most deadly poison has been discovered recently, as noted in a scientific journal, by Mr. Lascelles Scott, an Englishman. The substance is scientifically known as di-methylar- sine cyanide, or more familiarly as cyanide of cacodyl. Three grains of this substance diffused in a room full of people would kill all present. It is a white powder, melting at 33 degrees, and boilitrp' at 140 degrees. When exposed to the air it emits a slight vapor, to in- hale which is death. After trying its effect upon animals Mr. Scott experi- egced the deadly nature of this poison. One-millioneth part of cyanide of cacodyl in the atmosphere of an air- tight 'cage killed a dog almost instan- taneously, and then its power was by no means exhausted, for a second, third and fourth clog placed in the same cage instantaneously died from the effect of that single infinitesimal dose. Although so little of the properties of this poison are known, it was first made many years ago. Cadet the famous French chemist, by combining acetate of potas- sium with white arsenic, produced a fuming liquid, which, although he did *not know it, was oxide of cacodyl. The German chemist, Bunsen, combined this vgith cyanogen, a radical of prussic acid, d made cyanide of cacodyl inard's Liniment in the House. Before a Fg11. uffalo News.) f Niagara Falls ough for all, te`natural, for pride fall. HE'S ONLY 03E OUT OF 80ORE8 But Dodd's Kidney Pills made him a New Man. Richard Quirk, doctored for a dozen years and thought his Case Incur- abte—Dodd'e Kidney P111s Cured lin►. Fortune ''arbor, Nfld., June 13. -- (Sp+ecial.)—Scores of people in ' this, neighborhood are living proofs that Dodd's Kidney Pillet are all Kidney ailments from Backache to Bright's Disease. Amond the most remark- able cures is that of Mr. Richard Quirk, and he *gives the story . of it to the public, as follows; "I suffered for over twenty years from Lumbago and Kidney Disease, and at intervals was totally unable to work. After ten or twelve years of doctors' treatment I had made up my mind that my complaint was incurable. Reading of cures by Dodd's ICiduey Pills tempted me to try them. I did so with little faith, but to my surprise I,had not taken more than half a dozen !boxes before I felt relief and after the nee of seven or eight boxes, I was fully cured and a new matt. "Yes, Dodd's Kidney Pills cured my Lumbago and Kidney Disease, and the bust of it is I have stayed cured." A POOR GUESS. 'It's easy enough to pick out the bank- rupt," said the unsophisticated reporter at the credirors' meeting. "Yes?" replied the other. "Yes. See how shabby and careworn he looks." • "That's the principal creditor. The bankrupt is that man with the fur over- coat and diamonds," Ask for Minard's and take no Other. BILLIARDS IN A LION'S CAGE. Ipswich, in England, was recently the scene of an extraordinary billiard match. The manager of a circus offered to play any one in the lions' cage, and an ama- teur, well known in that part of Eng- land, accepted the challenge. Conse- gnentl.y a table was placed in the cage and at the appointed hour the game began in the presence of an immense crowd. The only other person in the cage was a woman, who is skilled in taming animals. She carefully watched the nine or ten lions as they strode to and fro, but her vigilance was appar- ently unnelessary, for the animals did not pay the slightest attention to the players. The manager won the game, but the applause which greeted him was not more hearty than that which was ac- corded to the amateur, who had shown such rare courage in venturing unarmed into a cage of lions. Minard's Liniment Lunmberman's Friend. A CLEVER' DIVINE. "To the town of Norridgewocic, in Maine," said Rev. Minot J. Savage, of New York, "a strange minister came to preach. He preached duly, and, after the sermon was over, he mingled with the congregation, expecting that some one would invite him to dinner. "One by one, however, the congrega- tion departed, offering the hungry min- ister no hospitality, and he began to feel anxious. Where was he to eat? "As the last deacon was leaving ' the church, the minister rushed up to him and shook him warmly by the hand. "`I want you to''corne home and dine with me,' the minister said. "'Why, where do you live?' said the deacon. "'About thirty miles from here.' "The deacon reddened. `Oh, you come and dine with me instead,' he said." At the Yarmouth Y. Mi. C. A. Boys' Camps, held at Tusket Palls in Aug- ust, I found M!IN'ARiDi'S LINIM'CNT, most beneficial for nun burn, an im- mediate relief for colic and tooth- acute. Alfred Stokes, General Secre- taryi , Getting His Money's Worth. (New York Weekly.) Jinks—Yes, I always take my boy along when I go to the minstrels. That's the only way I can get my money s worth. Binks—flow so? Jinks—The music is new to me, and the jokes are new to him. 4 =11 ,y.,,lV•`• - ',i eNAVIT,V k7'k9P',Oma7Y Pe f *V Y the SOFT, SILKY, TOUGH FACTLJRED , L Y "Mammoth," 61GI . le "Orient," Lo. 0 v ERD.OIIE- EXPRESSIONS. Winning Paper, in a Contest for Con- tributions on Hackneyed Terms, London Tit -Bits recently offered a prize for the best contribution on hack- neyed terms used in writing and speak- ing, and here is the winning paper; it purpots to be a law against the use of worn out expressions: Be it enacted by the King's most ex- cellent Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Long Suffering and Sorely Afflicted Reading Public, and by the Authority of the same, as follows: 1i'ir'st--4x1y journalist, litterateur, nov- elist, penny -a -liner, or any other ink - slinger, who, after the passing of this act, shall write, print or publish, or cause to be written, printed or publish- ed, any of the following or similar hack- neyed or over -used phrases—that is to say, in aliuding to the awful mystery of death shall refer to "that bourn from whence no traveller returns"; or in mentioning a deceased person, shall write of him or her as having "shuf- fled off this mortal coil"; or shall de- signate the condition of the unmarried as a "state of single blessedness," or speak of a newly married couple as "the happy pair," or of a wife as "the better half," or shall deny by implica- tion an indisputable scientific fact by asserting the possibility of a person's being "conspicuous by his absence"; or shall write with profane pen the ex- pressions "a sight for the gods" or "a sight to make angels weep," or, in refer- ence to physical attributes or peculiar- ities, shall use any of the following ex- pressions,: "The bated breath," "the human form divine," "eagle glance," "magnetic gaze," "dilated nostrils," "wil- lowy form," "arch smile." "daintily gloved hand," "flowing lock," "golden tresses," "delicately tinted lips," "the inner man," or shall speak of the "popu- lar president." "the courteous general manager," "the genial secretary," "the charming hostess," "a few well chosen words," "the succulent bivalve," " the psychological moment." "so near, yet so fax," "last but not least," "a dull sick- ening thud," "his own inimitable style," "old Sol," "the gentle light of the moon," "a cool million," or shall use any similar hackneyed expressions, such persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and, being thereof convicted by public opin- ion, shall be *compelled to pay away half his salary to the Home for Old Jokes, and the delinquent shall offer an ample apology to the public, and agree never again to infringe the provisions of this act. Wash greasy dishes, pots or pans with Lever's Dry Soap a powder. It will re- move the grease with the greatest ease. 36 UP:TO-DATE APHORISMS. Originate, originate more, always ori- ginate; those who originate are the pioneers of thought, who lead.humanity to the promised land. Love is friehipx with one desire present, and till; the others absent; friendship is love with one desire ab- sent, and all the others present. A cottage is enough for the honey- moon, but the full moon requires a paI- ace. Friendship is a name which we often give to familiarity. A man and his honeymoon soon part. Gold is the radium which warms every heart. "Love me, Iove my dog," is a proverb. Who save, however, 'Love me, love my 'friend ?I—London Truth. rMost people think too lightly of a cough. It is a serious matter and needs prompt attention. Take 9 ,. hid. i Cons° 4 i fiM.a� CuresThe Lung Tonic when the first sign of a cough or cold appears. It will cure you easily and quickly then -later it will be harder to cure. Prices, 25e., 50c., and 51.00. 311 SOME ECCENTRIC WILL MAKERS. Tcstator Who Wanted His Skin Con- verted Into Drumheads. There have ben many will makers more eccentric than Mr. MacCaig, the Oban banker, whose last testament will short- ly come under the consideration of the Ii dinburgh Court of Session. Mr. Mac- Caig, it may be remembered, left instruc- tions in his will that gigantic statues of himself, his brothers and sisters, a round dozen in all, should be placed on the summit of a great tower he had com- menced to build on Battery Hill, near Cban—each statue to cost not less than £1,000. A much more whimsical testator was a Mr. Sanborn, who left £1,000 to Prof. Agassiz to have his skin converted into drumheads, and two of his bones into drumsticks, and the balance of his for- tune to his friend, Mr. Simpson, on con- dition that on every 17th of June he should repair to the foot of Bunker Hill, and, as the sun rose, "beat en, the drum the spirit -stirring strain of Yonkee Doodle.' A Mr: Stow left a sum of moeny to an eminent K. 0., wherewith. to purchase a picture of a viper stinging his benefac- tor," as a perpetual warding against the sin of ingratitude. It was a rich brewer who bequeathed £30,000 to his daughter on condition that cn the, birth of her first child she should forfeit £2,000 to a specified hospital, £4,000 on the birth of the second child, and so on by arithmetical progression un - t,1 the 30,00 was exhausted. Mr. Sydney Dickenson left £60,000 to bis widow, who apepars to have given hint a bad time during his life, on condi- tion that she should spend two hours a day at his graveside "in company with her sister, whom I know she loathes rtersa than slag do - mwstalf." ISSUE IN 00 26 1904. Dire. Winslow's Soothing Syrup shook], always be used for Children Teething. It soothe the child softens the gams, cureswindi toile and is the best remedy dor Dlarrha,a. ai ,t 1,,ri„i r. r. 4h i? r.- , .,,"' 4141u0c4rx The satisfacfon of having the washing done early in the day, and well done, belongs to every User of Sunlight Soap. 10B VAIN IN SIGHT OF DEATH. Women Suicides Are Invariably Careful of Appearance of Their Bodies. "The average woman is apt to carry her vanity to the grave," said an un- dertaker yesterday. "I have freqeuntly noticed this in suicide cases, of which I have 'had more than my share. When a man grows tired of life and makes up his mind to end his troubles lie does it without thinking of what sort of corpse he will make. His only idea is to make sure of the job. But do you suppose a woman feels that way about it? Not on your life. She never loses the feminine instinct to prink up and make a good appearance. Nine times out of ten she will put on the best clothes she has, even though she may be going to throw herself into the river, where her body may remain for months. How often do .you read in the newspapers descriptions beginning: "The body of a well-dressed woman,' etc.? You seldom hear of a woman disfiguring her fea- tures, either. If she is going to shoot herself she invariably aims at her heart, never at her head."—Philadelphia Record. Minard's Liniment is used by Physicians Self -Sacrifice of a Society Woman. A "society note" much out of the usual older was that which appeared recently announcing the action of Miss Zoe BIair, cue of the most popular social leaders of St. Louis, in voluntarily giving up a life of pleasure to work among the sick -Fora This determination on the part if Miss Blair followed her participation in a charity entertainment, during which slit discovered how wide a field there was for just such self-sacrificing labors as she is now engaged in . She took a course of instruction at a nurses' training school in New Orleans, and is now quite of pable of caring for sufferers from any illness. She says she is much happier than she was when living amid a round. of balls, parties and receptions—and who van doubt it ?—Leslie's Weekly. $ 100 REWARD, $ 100 The readers of this paper will be pleased to learn that there is at least one dreaded disease that science has been able to curs in all its stages and that is Catarrh. Hall's Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure now known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh, being a con- stitutional disease, requires n constitutional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken in- ternally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system, thereby des- troying the foundation of the disease, and giving the patient strength by building up the constitution and assisting nature in doing its work. The proprietors havesomuch faith in its curative powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars for any case.that it fails to cure. Send for list of testimonials. Address F. J. CHENEY & 00., Toledo, O. !gold by all druggists. 75c. Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation. "SO LONG." With respect to the origin of the fam- iliar parting salute, "So long," there is a suggestion, says the London Globe, that it is derived from tie Norwegian "San Laenge," a common form of fare well, equivalent in meaning to "au re- vrir," and pronounced like "so long," with the "g" softened. There was a. fair number of Norwegians among the set- tlers in America, to judge by names, and it is quite likely the phrase was ricked up from them. It is in general i.se among the Dutch in South Africa. Diplomacy. Kn.cker—How did you persuade the landlord to admit he baby?, Bocker I proposed it as a mascot. A POPULAR CORSET FOR 1904 t3TYLE3 r r -Je 4," kik, l'IIV14+10Hzkg, No BRASS EYELETS tie�cp;,r 5eslalltl^ at&..^.r+w'' MANUFACTURED ONLY BY RUSH TORONTO, - ONT. d.kkq,;tpNa Qili4e:1!;e.Ataia{[gA, 1a5*.Il''J+tr:.'¢ ^,t':1tib AIL WATERED IT. "Years ago when I left home," said W. H. Donahey, of Cleveland, Ohio, "I got a job in a country printing office. Some one gave the editor a jug of applejack brandy. One day, while we were all at work, a man came in to pay his subscription, and 'the editor took him into the saunctum and shut the door. 'Gee, but that's mighty thin brandy,' were the words that came through the thin board partition. "I began to snicker. 'Shut up,' said the foreman; `I've been drinking and watering it' "So have I,' said the editor's son. "'So have I' said L" NINE MILLION ACRES Government Lands for Homesteaders In western Nebraska near the Union Pacific, Railroad in section lots of 640 acres each, for almost nothing. The sal. ubrity of these lands is something re- markable. Distance from railroad is three to thirty miles. There will be a grand rush of homesteaders. This is the last distribution of free homes the Unit- ed States Government will ever make in Nebraska. Write for pamphlet telling how the lands can be acquired, when en- try should bo made, and other informa- tion. Free on application to any Union Pacific agent. NOTH1ivG TO DO BUT EAT. "I was born in the Ohio town of Alva," said Thomas A. Edison. "It is from Alva that I .get my middle name. "An old-time Alva friend of mine was a rich young farmer whom I'll call Josh. Josh, when he was about twenty-four, made his first visit to New York. He took a room at a good hotel, and after he had unpacked his Gladstone bag, he went to the desk to inquire about the meals. "'What is th eatin' hours in this yere house?" he said to the clerk. " 'Breakfast,' the clerk answered, '7 to 11. Lunch, 11 to 3. Dinner, 3 to 8. Supper, 8 to 12.' "'Jerusalem,' said Josh. 'When am 1 goin' to git time to see the town?'" Standard Service The concensu;s of opinion is that the New! 'York Central is the cor- rect line to !New Ycerk, Boston and points, east. Your ticket agent will tell yoke all bout' it. HE SNORED TOO LOUD. Says an Omaha, Neb., special to the Chicago Tribune: The plea that her hus- band snored so loudly that she could not sleep did not suffice to secure a divorce for Ms. Albers Phenix, and her application was refused by the author- ities. H A x A A A A A A A A Fine Climate, Rich Soil, Well Irrigated, Not Overcrowded 4 The range of production here is marvellous. Almost anything can be raised that is raised elsewhere. And Sacr Int® II iif.r i w A is A A A A A A there is Room for litre ire We,� on irrigated' lands. Read the book, " The Sacramento Valley," issued by the Southern Pacific and sent to any address for 2 cents postage 112 pages, 111 fine half -tone Illustrations. It shows you what the valley looks like and tells you of its resources. Write to IguiR . l 75 Yonge St, C) tall" l" k-11 E Ft ria Toronto, Ont. Io, -r cz v k v. v x v