HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Herald, 1909-04-08, Page 2SNOWBALLED AN EMPEROR.
Hit His Nose, But Only Made Him
Laugh,
One winter's day, years ago, when
the snow had covered the grounds in
Berlin to a g"r"id thickness, the Emperor
tad. his wife. the Empress, went out into
the streets for a ride in a sleigh. which,
is you know, glides over the snow with-
out wheels and is pulled by horses,
They were going through one of the
streets when they came across a merry
party of schoolboys, and the boys were
•;o busy snowballing each other that
!hey did not at all notice Who was nee..
The result was that one of the snowballs
hit the Emperor on his nose!
What a eonemotion there was when
the boys saw what had been done. for
they knew the Emperor quite well by
light, as they frequently saw him rid-
ing and driving.
The little boy who had thrown the
snowball, however, did not run away.
Ile went toward the Emperor and said:
"Did I hurt you, Herr Kaiser?"
This was said in so anxious a tone
that both the Emperor and the Empress
burst out laughing, but the little boy
was not yet quite happy.
"You can hit nee back, •and we'll call
it square!" said he. The Emperor and
Empress now laughed more than ever,
and before driving away they asked the
boy for his. name and address.
The boy told them, and next day he
received tate prettiest little present you
ever saw.
•
A new discovery. Sias more
ciuvcnatinx, ritahzinr
a+ force than has ever before
been offered Sufferers from lack of vigor and
vital weakness which sap the pleasures of life
should take C. N. One box will show wonder-
ful results. Sent by mail in plain package only
on receipt of this advertisement and one doiear.
' Address. The Nervine Co.. Windsor, Ont.
Bank's Night Force.
"Yonder goes the night force to work
over at the bank," remarked a mean
waiting for the owl car after midnight.
"Night force! You're crazy!" came
bark the man with him. "Who ever
heard of a. night force in. a bank?"
It was the night force and they were
going to work at the bank. They start
in every night. at 1230 and work on till
morning. Their job is to open up all the
big volume of mall that comes to a big
bank and have it all distributed to the
various departments ready for the regu-
lar day force when the bank opens for
business in the morning.—Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
PILES CURB AT HOME BY
NEW ABSORPTION METHOD
If you suffer from bleeding, itching,
blind or protruding Piles, sen one your
address, and I will tell you how to cure
ypureeii at home by the new absorption
treatment; and will also send some of
tbis home treatment free for trial, with
references from your own locality if
requested. Immediate relief and per-
manent cure assured. Send no money,
but tell others of this offer. I•'F;rite to-
day to Mrs. M. Summers, Box P. 8,
Windsor, Ont.
o -I
Buttoned On.
Will --'i our overcoat has mud all
ever it.
Bill—It fell into the gutter last
night as I 'eels going home.
Will—Why didn t you hold on to it?
Bill—I did. I had it on at the time.
Minard's Liniment Cures Burns, etc.
♦r0
The Affectionate Kinsman.
His Legal Adviser—That distant relative
of yours in an old nuisanse, you say, and yet
you think you ought to do something for
bim do you? Well, why not settle an an-
nuity nn bim?
Millionaire—Great Caesar, no! People who
draw annuities nevem d l
41.
The Reason.
Mrs. Crirsonbeak—See how nicely
that team of horses go along. Why
can't man and wife trot along pleasant-
ly together like that?
Mr. Crimsonbeak—Well, you see, there
is only one tongue between those two
horses. -•-Christian Advocate.
ror Cramps in cite i tonmen of Six Tears'
Standing.
"I was troubled with cramps in the
stomach for six years, 1 tried many
kinds of medicine, also was treated
by three doctors,
"They said that 1 had nervous dys-
pepsia, I took the medicine for two
years, then t got sick again and gave ,
up all hopes of getting cured.
"1 saw a testimonial of a van whose
case vvas similar to mine, being cured
by Peruna, so thought I would give it
a trial. t procured a bottle at once,
and commenced taking it.
"I have taken nineteen bottles, and
am entirely cured. i believe Peruna
is all that is claimed for it."—Mrs. J.
C. Jamison, 61 Marchant St., Watson.
ville, Cat.
• Transplanted Dog's Kidneys.
A remarkable operation on a dog was
made the subject of a scientific demon-
stration at meeting of the Berlin Medi-
cal Soriet y last week.. Dr. Unger, a Ber-
lin surgeon, showed. how ten. days before
he had remorecl the dog's kidneys, sub-
stituting those of another dog. The dug
seemed to have completely recovered.
le as the demonstrator believes, the
operation may be undertaken with equal
souse on humans suffering from dis-
eased kidneys. a further important step
in modern surgery will have been made.
4 0
Scholarly Ignorance.
Prof. MeGoozle (stopping in front of a
shop window) --My dear, that is the
most remarkable collection of unique
waste baskets I ever salt."
Mrs. McGoozle—Waste baskets! You
helpless ninny! Those are the new
styles of spring hats!!
Guar antoedfoe 20 years
FREE formatting 4 dozen Co-
balt Gold Inldess Bens at 50.
each. These pens write a
beautiful color by simply dip-
ping in water. No ink re-
quired. Write to-day.t Wo
trust you with the pens, eel'
thein and return the money.
and win this little beauty
Gold Finished Watch and
also a lovely Ten Set Free
COleaLTGOLC PEN CO.
Dept Ino Toronto, Ont.
Where It Landed Him.
With a dazed look in his bloodshot
eyes the man who had been on a jag
for a week or more and had wander-
ed over the country in a half delir-
ious condition without knowing where
he was going came to himself.
He was in a strange city.
Everything around hien looked un-
familiar.
"Officer," be said, stopping . a pol-
iceman, "what town is this?'" '
"Anaconda," answered the police-
man.
"Then I've got 'em again!" he
groaned.
♦.e
Having Fun With a Native.
Facetious Foreigner—&w, me good
man; pardon my ignorance of geography,
but will you kindly tell Inc what the
capital of this •country is?
Solemn Faced Yankee—I've forgot
how much it is. mister, but Pierp Mor-
gan has the handlin' of most of it, I be-
lieve.
I consider MTNARD.S T,TNIM!ENT the
BEST liniment in use.
I got my foot badly jammed lately,
T bathed it well with MIYARD'S LINI-
MENT, and it was as well as ever next
day.
Yours very truly,
T. G. 1I`I1I>r LLEN.
Enemies of the Rubber Tree.
A great deal of attention has recently
been given to the cultivation or rubber,
on account of the continually increasing
demand for it. Prof. Francis E. Lloyd
points out that "the inevitable strug-
gle of man with nature" has already
manifested itself in this new field. A1 -
ready a considerable number of parasitic
enemies 'have been discovered, "whose
energies appear to be largely concentrat-
ed upon cultivated rubber -trees." It is
another problem for science to deal with.
*Tactful Crescendo,
"In the t'rovi.uce of Holstein," says a
traveller who:spends a good deal of his
time abroad, "where, of eourse, nothing
is more ilnporttint that the breeding of
superior cattle, the country people are
not ,'only very thrifty, ibut exceedingly
fond of their cowl;, as anti' be gathered
from a chttraeteristie story current
there; .
"It appears that one farmer was walk -
lug sadly down the road one day when
the village lta.stcn- suet hint.
""'"' 'h3 so downs i t friend?' asked the
pastor.
" have a 'sad errand, pastor,' replied
the farmer. 'farmer Henrik's cow is
dead in my pasture, and I am -.on my
way to tell him?
"'A. hard task, indeed,'
"`You may Well say so. pastor; but I
shall break it to him gently.'
"'And how will yon do„that?'.
"'Oh, I shall tell hint first that it is
his father who sis dead; and then, hav-
ing opened the way for sadder news still,
I shall tell hint that it i8''not his father,
but the co '!"--iHarper's Weekly.
THE "CHAMPION”
GAS and GASOLINE
ENGINES
it must give satis-
faction or you don't
pay for it.
SOLD ON TRIAL
Is the only Gasoline Engine that you can try
before you buy. I lens what the"Cham-
/don" will do. and 1 want you to be fury
sett Pied i,tth It betere you pay for It. The
Prim to lore. Full partievlare free.
Wm. Gillespie, Dept. "M"
98 (Front St. East, Toronto
No Chance for a Romance.
A. young woman living in the neigh-
borhool of Thirty-third and Cumberland
streets the other morning bought at a
nearby grocery a dozen eggs. On one
among them there was scratched the
name, 'with address. of a young farmer
up the State. He had also written on the
egg a request that the person buying it
write to him.
The young 'woman wrote a letter to
the tiller of the soil and received an
answer in which the farmer declared
himself pleased at having heard from
her, etc. He wound his letter up with:
"I hope you did not eat the egg, as I
wrote that on it a year ago. "—From
the Philadelphia Record.
His Fatal Sneeze.
The fishery guard Ganne, master of
the patrol launch Ghantenay, which pro-
tects the fishing at the month of the
Loire, wes drowned off Paimboeuf on
Wednesday night.
Rising from his bed he went on deck
after midnight in his night attire, and
the cold brought on a sneezing fit which
caused him to slip on the ice covered
deck and into the water. The engineer,
wakened by the noise, tried to rescue
hien, but in vain.—Petit Parisien.
bidn5t Mateo Even.
She --I married my first husband for ,
money and my second for love.
He—And were you happy?
She—No; unfortunately my first hus-
band married me for love and my second
for money.—Boston Transcript.
Light on the Subject.
"What's the matter, old man?"
"The matter, George, is that my gas
bills are growing bigger and bigger eves''
month."
"No wonder, Johnny; your wife has
to sit up so late, at night waiting for
you to come home."
THE TREASURE OF HEALTH
FOR YOUNG CHILDREN
Disse attzekat.lte little ones through
the idtgeietivieni.retois Baby's Own Tab-
lets etc o-ibe, tie s Woes,. ,n the World' for
ail. stoteaclt end bowel troubles of babies
and young ild en. They act quickly
and gently, and ai'e absolutely safe to
give any child. ?lyra. S. E. Green, Duane,
Dille, Ont, says: "1 would not be without
Baby's Own Tablets in the house, for I
think they are an invaluable medicine
for all little cries." Sold by medicine
dealers or by 'nail et 2,1 cents a box
from the D.C. Willigms' Medicine Co,.
Brockville, Ont.
4.
Partners inHts Crime.
The hard looking customer had' been
arrested fort stealing -an umbrella.
"What have you to say for yourself:"
asked the poiiice justice. "Are you guil-
ty or not guilty?"
. "I'm one o' the guilty ones, y'r hon-
or, I reckon," answered the prisoner.
"The umbrella had- the name of J.
Thompson on the handle. G. H. Brick-
ley stamped on the handle. G. II. Brick -
an ' I stole it from! a man named
Quimby." ---Chicago Tribune.
A Grammar Lesson.
We study grammar, Tont and I:
IVe know au adjective and noun;
'And we can conjugate a verb,
As well as any boys in town.
First person, present tense, "I see,"
I saw" for past tense is the late,
But Toni and I, we conngate
Both verbs in one wheu we seesaw.
When Tom goes up, then I go down,
When Tom goes down, up, up I go,
Each is the first person in his turn,
And both, in best of moods, you know,
We love our books and teachers, too,
..nlnd never at our tasks are late;
But after hours, when school is out,
Seesaw's the verb we conjugate.
-- —
Minard's Liniment eemes Dandruff.
♦.o
Not to Her
Knowledge.
"Your husband is a travelling man,
isn't he, same as mine?"„
"Yes; he's travelling retty much all
the time."
"Gets a regular salary, I suppose?"
"yeti,
"So does mine; batt when he has a
good trip he gets' something as a com-
mission besides. Does yours?"
"Not so far as I know. He's a rail-
road conductor:'--Cht.caho Tribune.
Very Adaptable.
"The automobile is a great institu-
tion." _
"For instance?"
"You can sit up in it as you pass a
friend, end crawl under it when a cred-
itor heaves in sight."—Louisville Cour
ier-Journal.
As it Really Happened.
"It isn't the lose of the tree," said
George's father: "You expect to take
up statesmanship, do you not?"
"Yes, sir." '
"Then I wouldn't go in for deforesta-
tion. It isn't popular." -Louisville Cour-
ier -Journal, •
Do you know the difference
between working and having
the work done for you?
Sunlight Soap actually makes
the dirt drop out—saves you
time anti money—but iniures
neither hands nor
clothes. That
is just the
difference
lee tween
Sunlight Soap
and ordinary
soaps.
t0STISMIZIESCOINSCOM*
First Aid for Fainting.
The treatment of fainting is quite sire •
-
pie. Either the posture of complete re-
cumbency should be a.dbpted with the
head lowered or the sitting posture teit-It
the head "between the knees. The latter
posture will often cause the feeling of
faintness to pass oft'. The former should
be adopted if swooning bas occurred.
Rresli air and the loosening of all con-
strieting Mollies about the neck and
waist• are essentinl. Snevlling salts. tick-
ling the nose with a feather, and stimu-
lants are necessary, for most attacks
pass off quickly with reeunibenev and
fresh. air. A. void douche is a valuable
means of Stinnilation:--l#o:.1,ital.
Don't believe rheuma-
tism can bemired by rub-
bing liniment or oil on
the sore spot. Tho dis-
ease cannot be reached in
that way. Et inuet bo
driven out of the system.
Only Celery King will do
this quickly. 115 cents, ab at;
dealers orbymail. 8. C. FI'ellsJ Co., Toronto
lily
Knitting on Steamships.
The old fashioned' habit of knitting
with steel needles is coining into Drogue
on the passenger steamships operating
between Boston and European ports,
and the stewardesses, mostly buxom
Englishwomen, are engaging in the
homely work with commendable zest".
.thick woollen socks undo' their busy
fingers take form for some brother or
sweetheart in Liverpool, or other sea-
port of the British Isles; for these stew-
ardesses as a rale come from families of
scafnt'trs. heavy mittens and tippets
are also the product of their spare mo-
melit.•--Boston Herald.
RENEW YOUR YOUTH.
Never before has the struggle for social
and commercial success been so keen as in
our own day. and to the victor and the van-
quished alike comes a time when nerves and
body cry for rest. Nature and science havo
combined to produce an environment where
tired men and women may renew their youth.
On tho twain line of the Grand Trunk Rail-
way System. at St. Catharines, Ontario, is
situated "The Welland." where the ills of
life are alleviated by bathing in the Saline
Springs of the •'St. Catharines Well," under
snorer medical supervision and attendance.
Anely to 130 St. James street, Montreal, for
booklet and further information.
Chinese as Poker Players.
":Che Chinese play poker like Bemis.
That's because it fits there. Strange to
say," writes Lincoln Coker(' in the Am-
erican Magazine, "of all the trash we've
put up to thein the game of draw poker
is the only thing that fits the Chinese
character at every turn.
"It's as if they had spent all these
years just to perfect themselves for that
game. It appeals to them, it's philo-
sophical, it's got sense: said so they
play it, inscrutable, smiling with plea-
sure in their hearts,
11 lb.
M inard's Liniment Relieves Neuralgia.
.e
Flocks of Wild Geese in Oklahoma.
Large flocks of geese still linger along
the Arkansas River between Muskogee
anti Keystone, and even above the point
of the Cimarron's eneboucburc into the
Arkansas. Opposite Turkey Mountain,
ou the Midland valley, eight miles below
Tulsa.. a flock of seventy big honkers
has been spending the last week in the
fields in the daytime and roosting on the
sand hors at night.—from the Kansas
City Times,
ISSUE NO. 14, 1909
HELP WANTED.
AGENTS WANTED—LIBERAL INDUCE-.
meats; to security or eaaitai necessary.
Alfred Tyler, Teas, London, Ont.
AIN AND WOMEN --TO STILL TITUS
stocking darner; fits on any sewing
niacliine; a boon to bousekeoiers; big pro-
fit, A. James Cbesher, Port 'Dope, Ont.
FARMS FOR SALE.
`,1';l(" Sale
ProtO i1 a0
ing Farms in 14 States. Strout's
Inxxxx==== New Monthly Bulletin of Real
Bargains, profusely illustrated, mailed free; we pay
your R. R. fare. E. A. STROUT CO.Book C 1.
World's La seatfarmDealers,Uaiveeaity$Idg.,, Syracmm„rlr
FOR SALE.
�JQT OOLLEN MILL FOR SALE—BEST
vV �T custom and mall order business in
State; age compels retirement; don't write -0
unless you mean business. Wm. Lambert,
lteee City, Michigan.
LOT'S IN P1tINCE RCPERT, THE GRAND
Trunk Pacific terminus, will be put ore
the market in May or June next, Persons
intending to invest should write for iwfm•-
maticn and advice to the Prince Rupert Real-
ty-Comanercial Co., Limited, • 430 Richard
street, Vaneouver, B. C.
4 SNAP FOR FIFTEEN HUNDRED-
- one store, rented for four years at $15.00.
Per month; one lean store, occupied as bar-
ber shop, boots, shoes and tobaccos, or will
rent barber ahoq and sell stock; good reasons
for selling; good business; good locality;.
two railways; C. P. It. coming. M. A. Keu-
netiv, Brechin. Ont.
LAND WANTED.
j. EFORE SELLING YOUR SCRIP, '(R'Ii'.E <.
me quantity and lowest price you will
take, subject telegraphic acceptance, you to
forward subject sight draft; any bank. Iien-
-ning, 1,54 Main, Winnipeg.
bB ANTED—SOUTH AFRICAN VETER-
s v ans' land warrants; spot cash paid. W.
P. Rodgers, real estate agent, 008 McIntyre
block. Winnipeg. Man.
Queens as Artists.
Two interesting exhibitions are to be
held in Paris this spring. Queen Alea-
ands is the patroness of one, to con-
- list of a hundred portraits of English
and French women of the eigjiteenth
century. The profits wilt go to the fund
' for the widows and .children of French
naval officers and seamen. At the sec-
ond, to consist of the works of royalty
only, Queen Alexandra will be repre-
sented by some of her water colors.
Princess Louise Duchess of Argyll by
sculpture, and the Queens of Italy nail -
Rumania by sketches. Queen Amelie of--
Portugal will send some of her charm-
ing pastels,—From the Lady's Pictor-
ial.
A. Woman's Sympathy .
Are you discouraged? Is youtt"doctor's
bill a heavy financial load': Is your Nip.
a heavy physical burden? I know what •
these mean to delicate women—I have
been discouraged, too; but learned how to•
cure myself. 1 want to relieve your bur-
dens. Why' not end the pain and stop the
doctor's bits? I can do this for you and,
will if you will assist ane.
All you need do is to write for a free.
box of the remedy which has been placed.
In my hands to be given away. Perhaps.
this one box will cure you—it has done so
for others. If so, I shall be happy and
yott will bo cured for c (the cost of u.
postage stamnt. "Your letters held confi-
dentially. Write to -day for my free treat-
ment. AIRS. F.:01 CUIIRAH, Windsor, Ont.
,.o.o
When to Thaw the Fire Plugs.
Fire Chief Wallace, walking down.
Superior avenue the other morning, met •
an old friend who now lives on a farin
a short distance clown the State.
They got to talking about fires.
"George," spoke up the man from the
country, "supposin' one o' them fire
plugs was to het froze up one of these
cold nights and you couldn't get any
water. What'd you do then?"
"Oh," says Wallace, "there's no dan-
ger of that Every water plug in town
is tested two days before a big fire,
and if it's found frozen we put a man to,
work thawing it out."—From the Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Minaret's Liniment for sale everywhere.
Paradox.
tier--R'hy on earth do they call him the,
paying teller?
Iiim.-llecause that's his job.
tier—But, it isn't. I asked him how much,
yo.t had In the bank, and please to glee it
to me. and be wouldn't tell and he wouldn't
pay. -Cleveland Leader.
Nasal Orthography.
Teacher—Your name is John Timmins,.
is it? Where are you from, Johnny?
New Pupil—Snohomish, Wash.
Teacher—How do you spell it, John-
ny?
New Pupil --You don't spell it, ma'am.
You sneers it.
Tit for Tat.
Jones—Well, you and I won't" be -
neighbors much longer. I'm going too
live in a better locality'. .
Smith—So' am I.
3h-thee—What, are you going to move,.
too?
Smith—No, I'm going to stay here. ---
Cleveland Leader.
THE FAVORITE
6
Vol '41
"Silent es the Sphinx!"
THE MOST PERFECT MATCHES YOU EVER STRUCK
Always, everywhere in Canada, tisk for Eddy's Matches